My Wish Order Brother
by PiperDreamer
Summary: Naruto, after seeing a child get defended by his older brother, makes a wish on a wishing star for an older brother too. What he got was a girly looking art freak with mouths on his hands.
1. The Brother who was WishedOrdered

**My Wish Order Brother**

Author: PiperDreamer

Rating: Rated: M

Genre: General, AU

edited: 03/09/12

* * *

**Chapter 1: The Brother who was Wish-ordered**

* * *

A bloodcurdling roar of rage was heard a crossed the entire village of Iwa, an impressive feat seeing how the village was roughly the size of a city that resided in a crater like crag, with stone that jut up from the surrounding landscape. Many of these towers nestled into cliffs, and are connected to each-other by a network of bridges.

The roar caused many of Iwa's more hire-triggered shinobi's to have accidents, but the civilians stopped what they were doing and froze before rolling their eyes and continuing their routines with many muttering "Damn Paperwork Curse" and "Deidara's back."

In the center of the village was the Tsuchikage's tower. This was where the source of the roar originated from.

Onoki, the Third Tsuchikage, couldn't be seen under the mounds of paper that have taken over what was his desktop.

His secretary, who was drafted into helping, sighed as he stared at the pile in a begrudging manner. "The paperwork had double since last night. The Honorable Grand-Nephew has returned from his mission, I take it?"

The Tsuchikage was too preoccupied swearing and cursing to answer.

"He came in last night. When he gets in here, he's not to leave till he has finished this mess!" Onoki seethed.

"Duly noted sir."

* * *

He finished placing the last items where they needed to; he knew that he had timed this right so that everything would work as planned. He had put a great deal of thought into this, done even greater deal of snooping, plotting, strategizing and executing the plan.

It had taken four months to plan it all out, working out all the kinks and three weeks to implement it.

Just a few more bodies to even the score.

Soon he would have his revenge and leave glorious pandemonium behind.

* * *

Kurotsuchi yawned, looking tired as she waited by her favorite food stand. Deidara-nii had said he'd visit her once he returned from his recent mission.

The Academy student kicked at the dirt, waiting impatiently for Deidara-nii to show. Hopefully.

Lately he had been skipping out on their meetings, something that annoyed her to no end.

Honestly, she worried about her cousin. The past couple of weeks he had been withdrawn, his normally cheerful self only cordially there as though to keep people from actually getting warier of him.

Not many people knew Deidara on a personal level, in fact she could count only three and that included her and grandfather. Sure he could be very friendly a talkative and to those who didn't see him regularly or spend a whole lot of time with him didn't see the difference.

She did, and she worried about what she was seeing.

Deidara had started distancing himself, spending less time with family and his fiancée's. Most of them were happy not to spend time with him or bemoaned not having any more time with them.

Tayuya, a girl from a wealthy merchant family and quite possibly the only worthwhile Fiancée was worried about him too since he had all but stopped seeing her.

The paperwork was bigger then usual, meaning he was causing mischief more then usual, and that didn't include the leaving and coming home paperwork that followed him like a plague. Why this was happening she didn't know but it never bode well.

And the missions. For the last three weeks he had been on border patrol, something he hated and he was volunteering for them.

Something was going on.

"Yo brat, un."

Kurotsuchi turned, smiling. There was Deidara, a short blonde in a chunin vest.

"There you are Deidara-nii! I thought you'd skip out again."

"Nah, couldn't do that to ya. Not at this time."

Puzzled by his words but happy to see him she started to walk into the stand but got stopped by Deidara putting a hand on her bare shoulder.

Kurotsuchi shivered trying and failing to not look disgusted by the feel of a hand-tongue on her skin.

Deidara, a pioneer of dealing with the stigma his hands often caused, smiled winningly. "Can we go for a walk instead? Un?"

Kurotsuchi wanted to whine and say she was really hungry but something in Deidara's eyes made her stop. They were tired, and a touch sad despite his normal smile in place.

Nodded her head, the cousins walked, chatting about everything and nothing till the road led to a secluded part of the training grounds. It was nearly five, and no one was at the grounds.

"So what's your next mission? Another border?" Kurotsuchi asked as she stretched.

"No. I won't be taking anymore of those. I'll be leaving soon though, so I thought I'd get my goodbye's out of the way. Ya know, to make sure I have no regrets."

Warning bells went off in Kurotsuchi head. She looked over at Deidara who stared up at the sky.

Tentivly, Kurotsuchi spoke. "Deidara-nii? Are you going on a suicide mission?"

She heard of those. Only the foolhardy or those with nothing to live for went on those. Was Deidara suicidal? Had this been why he had acted off for the past three weeks?

"In a manner of speaking."

Panicked gripped Kurotsuchi. "Deidara! You can't go and die! You're too young; you have so much to live for! We'll get you to a therapist; gramps must know some good ones!"

Deidara stared in surprise at her, before throwing his head back and laughing. Loudly.

This did nothing to calm Kurotsuchi down, in fact she saw it as a sign of mental distress from Deidara.

"Deidara-nii, I'm serious! I'll help you, and we'll get over this!"

He finally calmed down, an infectious grin on his face. "You were always the loyal one, brat."

Shaking his head Deidara looked up into the sky.

Realizing she had to get Deidara help, and quick, Kurotsuchi turned to rummage through her pack, hoping she still had a flash bomb in there. If she could blind him momentarily she could whack him over the head and drag him to help.

Hey Kurotsuchi." Deidara said sounding tired.

"Yes?" she replied, not looking up from her pack.

"Sorry, un."

Before she could even think of what he could be apologizing for, pain blossomed from the back of her skull, and stars shot out before all went blank.

* * *

It was close to six thirty when the door opened, revealing the slightly bruised face of a young blonde.

Onoki, eyes blood shot and twitching. "Hello Deidara. Where have you've been?"

It was meant to be a question but Onoki had made it sound like a demand. Rising his a hand in mock surrender (and wagging his tongue about) Deidara attempted to pacify his enraged grand-uncle.

"Out and about seeing people. And avoiding you, un."

Alright, so pacifying wasn't the right choice of words. More like irate.

Seeing the lovely shade of puce his uncle was turning, Deidara tried again. "I was spending time with Kurotsuchi. I left her at her parent's house, wandered around till I ran into Tayuya-kun. We got into some pretty heated words and she attempted to geld me with her flute."

Onoki winced at that. Out of all the girl's he was engaged to, Tayuya was the only girl Deidara had asked to marry him. She was a hot tempered girl but was also Deidara's best friend.

It was then that he realized that Deidara's other hand had his evening tea. Seeing this Deidara rolled his eyes.

"Your secretary saw me, cries happy tears before he shoved the stuff in my hand and ran, claiming he was off for the evening."

Onoki frowned. His secretary normally never handed tasks off, even one as mundane as tea. Then again the man had been working eighteen hours trying to get the paperwork under control.

He would be having words with his secretary in the morning about dereliction of duty.

Deidara placed the tea down before moving to the closest stack of papers. The boy looked tired and solemn. Onoki felt his temper abate. It wasn't Deidara's fault the paperwork seemed unquestionably cursed with him being the trigger.

Onoki looked over at the blonde, feeling weary. Three week ago the Council had attempted to get the boy under their thumb once more. This was unfortunately a rather common thing now, with various degrees of success and failure.

Lately though they had truly been pushing for Deidara to start reviving his clan. Mercifully Onoki had blocked any attempts of it going through, using Deidara's age and emotional maturity against them.

He knew it was only a matter of time before they'd get their way, and he knew for a fact that they were playing with fire, or rather a time bomb.

That last meeting had been a nightmare. Deidara had been brought up before the Council, practically interrogated about a mission that had nothing to do about the reviving of the Jibaku clan yet they had twisted it and mutated it until it was no longer recognizable, hoping it would guilt or bully the boy into trying.

Onoki was both proud and alarmed at how well Deidara not only handled it but blackmailed them into silence with a pleasant smile and copied evidence at hand.

Though he applauded Deidara on using his shinobi training to get the necessary evidence, it pained him that the boy needed to resort to that at all.

It was common knowledge in Iwa that the boy, Jibaku Deidara, was weird.

He didn't angst despite the fact he was the sole survivor of the once infamous clan Jibaku, rather friendly with a crude sense of humor. He wasn't an attention-seeker, at least not in the conventional way; where children would pull silly stunts or get in trouble to get noticed Deidara would blow things to bits, the louder and more damaging the better.

Despite having interesting people skills he never spent time with anyone his age, with the possible exception of his cousin Kurotsuchi and his fiancé's (though the latter was not his choice).

He was an accomplished shinobi at the age of ten, having gained the rank Tokubetsu Jonin and a place in the Explosion Corps.

Adults saw him as either something to keep high on a pedestal or keep him far from the public's eye. It was nice to flaunt your powers in front of competition but not if it had the tendency to backfire.

The thoughts of the children his own age were normally of two dominating mindsets concerning him; he was either an ethereal beauty who was obviously hurting under that nice persona who showed his suffering by using his kekkei genkai to blow things up; on the other hand, he was a freaky arsonist from a clan of batshit insane bombers who was plotting their demise.

Despite this no one could question his loyalties, nor did they want to. Being the grandnephew of their Tsuchikage, nobody wanted to insult the family of their esteemed leader.

Many saw him as living proof of the Will of Stone for having weathered the many sufferings thrown at him at such an early age and that it showed promise of the future for when he did begin his clan obligations to revive the Jibaku clan.

Onoki, Honored Third Tsuchikage, knew the boy didn't give two shite's in a bag about reviving the clan, and would have some very color words and inventive ideas of where they could stick their Stone of Will.

Onoki knew the boy secretly harbored ill will towards the Council, not that he could blame him. He'd have done more then cuss them out had they given him an unwanted harem that comprised of the most snobbiest and best connected families, most of which had ties to the Council in one way or another.

It was one thing to give the boy roots to lay; it was another thing entirely to chain him there and Onoki had done his utmost best to keep the Council off the boy's back.

Sighing, the old man took his tea and drank it, after which he noticed an odd aftertaste in his tea as his muscles locked up.

For a moment he thought assassins had finally gotten him but then he noticed that Deidara, was still calmly placing folders away. Finally he put the file he was working on down before facing him.

"Sorry for any discomfort you feel gramps; poisons aren't my area of expertise. Don't look so shocked, it's only a paralyze drug. If I was going to kill you, I wouldn't be so cowardly. You'll live, I just don't want you interrupting right now. And don't worry, your sectreary isn't dead just unconscious, un."

The boy moved till he was standing in front of Onoki, a smile on his bruised face and an unholy twinkle in his blue eyes.

"Did you know that, had I been a spy, I would have had unlimited access to everything in this village, un? I mean really, I've helped with your paperwork for five years, I know more about what's going on in this village then you do, un. The outposts, the military, whose in ANBU, the training, the shifts, gate duty, village finance, who gets what rank mission, _everything_."

Deidara gave a small laugh.

It chilled Onoki's blood.

""I've been planning on defecting from the village for several months now. As of right now, two-thirds of ANBU is on the Takigakure border patrol, four-fifths of the Jounin's are out of the country on missions, and nearly half of the chunins as well, un. The village is vertially unguarded. Chances are if I were to just walked out right now, it would be _days, _probably even a week before someone could come back to start trailing me. But ya know, that doesn't really appeal to me. I've always liked to add a little more flair to things than might strictly be needed. Sure, I could bomb this place off the map but then I'd probably havta deal with every nation out to get me, un."

Deidara paused, fixing a pile of papers before continuing, the smile twisting.

"If I really wanted to, I could sell out all of Iwa, and you'd be overrun and destroyed before you could even hope to ensemble a countermeasure. But I'm not going to. Nah, why make our enemies do the dirty work when we have willing people on our own side?"

"With what I'm planning it'll be weeks, maybe even months before you can even start directing effort outside of Iwa's walls. Let me start with this; as of right now, the ANBU on order patrol will find that Takigakure has become quite hostile in the past week, mostly because the Waterfall-nins have evidence that Iwa has murdered one of they're prominent families. You may wish to patch things up with then soon."

Onoki tried to speak but Deidara waved off a hand.

"Don't try to interrupt me. As I was sayin', Waterfall is now very hostile towards Iwa. And speaking of hostiles, on the home front we have the two families Edogawa and Niwa. These two are very prominent families and most of the civilians population is either related or under their direct protection. Mostly they are civilians, yet they are bitter enemies…hell, the only reason they haven't (BLEEP)ing murder each other down the last child is because our shinobi's have been acting inference, both for public and private affairs, un. Their hatred runs deep, deep enough that those under their protection will happily slaughter the other half of the village because the families had did this or done that, or who nailed who and he said, she said from a conversation that happened decades before even the village was founded, un."

Onoki wasn't sure, but he thought he heard shouting. Deidara walked over to the window.

"About three minutes ago, a priceless objet d'art of the Niwa was found in the pocket of Edogawa Daichi. If my calculations are correct in another few minutes, the ashes of one Edogawa Maiko, the recently deceased matron of the Edogawa family, with be found in a Niwa store, marked for sell. This should be found by Machiko, Maiko's daughter if she sticks to her routine.

And like a domino effect the next will be discovered, followed by the next, until the civilians are really killing each other. Normally the shinobi's take care of these things…except that most of the forces are out of the village and those still left will be busy having found the bodies of the Councilmen in various parts of the city while on patrol as well as fending off my spider creations, un."

Onoki now knew he heard screaming as well as bombs going off.

Deidara looked away from the window, the lights from the bombs splashing across his face as he smiled good-naturedly.

"Well, it was nice seeing you gramps, but I need to leave. The border to Kusagature is clear for the night and I have an appointment with a certain Kusa-nin. I'll even be nice and leave this."

Onoki stared at the paper the boy left, wary of its context.

"It's a written admittance that I bombed those guys in Waterfall. That should help you with getting them on your goodside again. Good luck with the village though, un."

And with that Deidara opened the windows, making the sounds from outside much louder. Deidara looked up

"The stars are coming out. Make a wish, un."

And jumped out.

* * *

Smoke rose steadily into the night sky, the only visible sign that something was wrong in the small border settlement in the land of Grass.

Within the ruin town, bombs were going off everywhere, having come without warning and not caring of casualty.

An ex-shinobi by the name of Muzai, who had retired due to a war wound and had settled in this quant hamlet with his family moved in a zombie like manner, eyes wide open in soul searing horror, the left side of his body was mauled from fire and shrapnel from the bombings; his face a bloody maw of gapping flesh, bits missing as it oozed blood from raw, charred flesh.

He clutched what was left of his left arm, leg dragging though he did not show any sign of pain. He had gone so far past the threshold of pain that it no longer hurt, at least not physically. And even if it did he would have found it hard to pay it attention, seeing the bedlam nightmare around him.

The creaking of the buildings as their support beams burned away, adding weight to the smoldering wood… the sounds of explosions that came in random intervals, showering everything in shrapnel and embers… the smothering fumes from the flames choking out the air as it hides you in its noxious folds… the bodies, the mutilated bodies of his family… the screams of those watching friends being blown to chunky blood-soaked bits.

But by far the most bone-chilling thing of all for the older man was the laughter of a child during all this.

It wasn't a maniacal cackle, or an evil chortle. It was a child's laughter of mirth and happiness making it all the more terrifying.

"Hello, un." Came a young, neutral voice.

The heavily wounded man turned, and found a blonde child, barely a decade old staring back at him from two meters away. The child wore a standard Iwa-uniform, and looked unharmed and unaffected by the pandemonium around him.

Muzai knew, in the pit of his gut, that this was what was destroying his town. He had seen weapon-children before, helped make them and he had no doubt in his mind that this being before him was one of them.

"Why?" he croaked out, staring at the child in fixated horror.

The child stared at him with a smile playful, though cobalt blues were anything but. There was something sinister in the child's eyes, a look that should never be on a face so young.

"Amusement, partly."

"A…Amusement?" the man hissed, anger pushing through the horror and pain induced trauma. His family, slaughtered…for amusement? His home desecrated and everything he knew and cherished taken on a whim?

"Hurts, doesn't it? Seeing your loved ones killed before you." The child said, the smile turning into a sneer, his eyes flint.

"At least I'll be merciful enough to put you out of your misery…after you watch me kill off the rest of your family." He said cheerfully.

"You…you're not a child! You are a demon!" the ex-shinobi screamed staring in horror at the devil hidden in children clothing. He reacted by hurling a volley of junai at the boy, but his wounds made his aim terrible. Still, he caught the boy off guard and one of the kunai had found its mark, buried deep into the boy's side. The boy landed to the ground, groaning painfully as he dug out the blade. Standing back up and holding his side, the blonde glared.

He moved to fight, or at least delay the demon before he found any of his surviving family members, if there were any.

Or at least he meant to, but found he couldn't move. Looking down he found himself coiled in what looked like a giant centipede. The child resumed smiling.

"Let's give you a better view, un?"

He couldn't even utter out a curse before he found himself on the back of a clay bird, soaring high till he could make out his town.

"Such a pretty town it was. Full of life…but now it shall showcase my art. You should be honored."

The child's hands moved in motion and the former shinobi screamed and pleaded, begging for mercy on the town below. The child gave a smile that, coupled with the look in his eyes, denounced all aver to compassion.

A small, tear drop like creature dropped from the child's hands, plummeting down towards the depilated town.

"Art… is a blast! Katsu!"

The man was blinded by the light, deafened by the explosion and felt his throat going raw from screaming as tears flooded down his face.

He didn't know how long he stayed like that, sobbing soulfully as he stared into the crater that was his town.

Why? Why had this happened? How did it come to this? What could possibly justify this? That child, no, demon had no right, no soul for doing this! Turning his head he snarled at the child.

"You'll burn in hell for what you've here! You monster!"

"Says the creator to his creation, un."

The boy wasn't smiling anymore, eyes staring at the crater he had created hollowly.

"I destroyed all you held dear for amusement, but only partly. I mainly did this for revenge, un."

"Re-revenge?" the man mimicked, staring at the now somber looking child. The child stared at him, eyes lifeless and smile absent.

"Maybe now I can find peace…knowing I destroyed yours."

"But-but I never done anything to you!" Muzai screeched, a terrible sound from damaged vocal chords.

"Yes, you did. You probably can't remember me. I was pretty young then and who knows how many children you bereft of their parents during the war. But it is time I make due on my promise to put you out of your misery because unlike you, I'm nice person."

"You…are insane. I may have killed during the war, and trained children to kill but I never fought against Iwa! I already knew my place in hell was reserved, I had no intention of bringing my sins home! More likely you killed them off!" the man hissed, hatred showing clearly in the night.

The child looked at him, a cold smile in place. "Whether you remember or not, it doesn't matter. There is no redemption for the likes of us."

The next he knew he was plunging down, and the last thing he heard was "Katsu!"

* * *

Naruto, six and half yours old, watched sadly as the children around him played and talked. Naruto had asked the old man to allow him to enter the Academy now instead of when he turned eight, that way he could hopefully become Hokage faster.

It had taken a lot of arm twisting and begging but he managed to get the old fart to agree.

Naruto had also hoped to make friends faster too, but that had been blown out of the water before it even entered. Most of the kids were older then him and didn't want to befriend a 'baby', or were told by their parents to avoid him.

Naruto sighed, wishing Iruka was here. He was nice, like the Old Man.

Yelling brought Naruto out of his inner mussing. Looking up, Naruto saw a couple of the bullies pushing around a younger student, laughing at the poor boy.

Naruto stood up, a thought coming to him. Maybe if I beat up those guys, the other boy will be my friend!

Not giving the thought anymore consideration Naruto ran at them.

But someone beat him to the bullies. An older boy, only a year away from graduation and looked very much like the child being bullied, rushed past him.

The fight that took place was messy, seeing how it was three on one yet the older boy held his ground.

The older boy had taken the first by surprise, bulldozing into him and flattening him into the ground. Quickly the two others rushed the older boy, punching and hitting every which way. The older didn't plan to play fair though as he bit the closest one on the leg, earning a holler of pain before it was abruptly stopped by a knee in the gut.

The older boy grinned as his fist connected solidly with the jaw of the last boy he was fighting, and caused Naruto to wince. He'd distinctly heard the break of a dislocated jaw. He knew all too well what those sounded like, having been on the receiving end of those one too many times.

Not that older boy was any better. He was missing a front tooth, had a black eye, a swollen fist that looked possibly broken and if Naruto were to guess a sprained ankle

Despite these injuries the older stood up, grinning as blood trickled out the side of his mouth. He looked extremely proud of himself. "Hah! That's what you get for messing with the Kishimoto's! You'd better not mess with my little brother again, because next time I won't go easy on you!"

The three boys hobbled off, leaving both the younger brother and Naruto staring in awe of the older boy. The younger brother reacted first.

"That was amazing brother! You beat 'em good!"

The older brother puffed out his chest, grinning. The grin disappeared with the arravial of the teachers, who wasted no time chewing the older boy a new one.

Naruto left as soon as he saw the teacher's coming. The young blonde wandered back into the building his mind trying to understand why the older brother had protected the younger. He had seen them together before.

Normally the older Kishimoto avoided his younger brother and made a big deal about how much of a hassle his brother was and how nobody wanted to hang out with 'babies'. But then he dove into a fight without a second thought.

Why?

He'd have to talk to the Old Man about that.

* * *

High in the star filled sky against a full moon canvas was to the casual observer a giant bird flying at an alarming rate.

Had it been someone more observant though they would have noticed the column of smoke in a distance that the bird had been coming from and that the bird was making a mad dash to the boarders of the Grass Country and Fire.

And had it been a shinobi observing they would have seen that the bird wasn't really a bird and that there was a child on top of it and what appeared to be three platoons of Grass-nins chasing after it.

The child had long blonde hair that reached his slightly pass his shoulders with a long bang covering the left side of his empty looking sky blue eyes and was no more then ten years old. He was caked in dirt, blood and scorch marks. On his face was a deranged smile that would have made demons wary of him.

He did it. He, the Avenger, finally did it! He killed the creep who murdered his parents! He held the proof in his trembling hands.

A bloody Grass hitai-ite that had belonged to Muzai, the murderer.

He had betrayed the Rock village, became a B-class missing-nin, started a possible war between Waterfall and Rock, blown up towns in both Rock and Grass, had murdered the Iwa council and started a civil war within Iwa.

He did it all so he could have revenge, and now he had it.

He felt empty and numb inside but he had his revenge.

Now here he was making a nose dive to one of the few nearby countries that didn't have a bounty on his head.

Despite having planned everything down to the last detail, Deidara hadn't thought past killing the guy. He knew he didn't want to die, and that the only safe route for him was to head into Fire country, despite the fact they hated Iwa-nin's with a bloody passion.

_First things first,_ he thought dazedly to himself as he made a crude mental list. _Get to Fire and then wallow in self gratitude for a job well done, un. Then worry abourt the future._

The boy forgot all time as he rushed on, pass the boarder and further into Leaf territory.

Hours must have passed but it only felt like a few minutes to the wounded boy.

His mind didn't register the grass lands turning to woodlands, nor did he notice the sun rise and fall or even the great mountain side with faces on it and a vast village below.

He did noticed when something fired at him causing him to react on instinct. He jumped off the giant bird and detonated it, causing the explosion to propel him towards the mountain area he had been over at the time.

_So this is it,_ the chakra-depleted boy thought as he sped towards the rocky surface.

_Too bad I didn't go out with a blast._

* * *

It was well past ten, and Naruto stared at the starry sky from his spot on the Fourth's head, his mind fogged with memories of that day.

_Once school was over, Naruto headed out to the Tower to ask the old man some questions. The Old Man was happy to see him and offered to buy him ramen. Happily Naruto accepted and soon enough they were at Ichiraku's. Naruto chattered about how the day went, telling of a prank he did on a teacher and what they were suppose to be learning. Soon it got to the topic Naruto had been wondering the most about._

"_-and then his brother shot outta nowhere and protected him! I mean, his brother got hurt but he didn't seem to mind as long as he was safe. Why?"_

_The Hokage looked surprised by the honest question. Then he looked sad as he explained. "It is normal for siblings to protect each other Naruto. What that boy had done was the natural thing to do, though not what I'd recommend."_

"_But…why? Why did he let himself get hurt?"_

"_Because he loves his brother. No matter what he said or how he acted, deep down he still loves his brother."_

_Naruto looked up, a hopeful look in his eyes. "Can…can I have a brother too?"_

_He wished he had a brother, someone to play with and to look up to, who would take the time to teach him and protect him._

_Heck he wished he had any family really, being an orphan was a sad existence. But being who he was he had it worse then any other orphan, not that he really knew about it. He figured all orphans were treated like him._

_The Hokage smiled sadly, patting him on the head. "Maybe one day, Naruto."_

_Looking up at the darkening sky, the elder man then smiled._

"_Did you know that if you make a wish on a wishing star, your wish comes true Naruto?"_

"_Really? Which star is the wishing star gramps?" Naruto asked. Maybe he could wish for a brother!_

"_You have to find it on your own, Naruto. The wishing star is very hard to find because there's so many stars, plus when you do make a wish you have to make it rhyme."_

"_Rhyme?"_

"_Like this: star light, star bright. First star I see tonight, wish I may, wish I might have the wish I wish tonight. I want a lovely girl, whose face is not going to make me hurl._

_See what I mean?"_

"_Then I'll wish on everyone till I find it!"_

Naruto had then finished his food and said his goodnights to the Old Man and the ramen owner before he took off. He zigzagged around, pretending he was on a mission to find rogue ninjas and unintentionally making his ANBU watchers rip their hair out over the fact that he had lost them. Again.

Soon he was on the Fourth's head, looking up at the dark sky and reflecting ojn what the Hokage had said.

Looking, really looking this time at the abyss that was the sky, Naruto shrugged. It never hurt to wish right?

Scanning the dark sky he picked out a smallish, hard to see star.

"Star light, shining not so bright, give me the wish I wish tonight. I do not ask for ramen, pranks or whatever, just give me one older brother."

As soon as the words left his mouth a bright near-blinding light flashed above him with a resounding 'BOOM'. Naruto covered his eyes till the light died down some before looking again.

He had just enough time to see a smoldering body drop on him.

With a loud grunt from Naruto he pushed the body off himself before examining it.

It looked like a girl, had long blonde hair (he presumed it was blonde, it was hard to tell with all that ashy residue) and gender neutral clothing on and appeared to be three or four years older then Naruto.

Then a pair of sky blue eyes opened and met cobalt.

"…Un." Was all the strange person said before passing out.

Naruto stared at the strange person, then the sky and back at the person.

Then a bright grin broke out over his face as he looked back up towards the sky and yelled,

"Thank you wishing star!"

Then he began to drag his new 'sibling' towards his apartment.

About fifteen minutes later he saw a group of ANBU on the rooftops that rushed pass him towards the place he just left.

One of the ANBU saw him and sighed a relief at knowing he was safe before noting that the boy was dragging what looked like a another child along. The ANBU shrugged and continued his previous run.

Not too long ago Naruto had tried to convince everyone that a puppet he made was really his mother so the chance of him lugging another puppet around wasn't unconceivable. He'd check on Naruto after this.

Naruto reached his apartment door and shook his head. The door was busted in with profanities scribbled all over it and looking inside he saw most of the stuff inside destroyed.

Walking pass it he went to the fourth door on his left before gently kicking it open.

Inside was a spacious place, a small corner with all his real belongings stacked in it, with basic furniture and a distinct smell of old person.

Naruto had been lucky when his evil cantankerous old neighbor (who had been his only neighbor) had keeled over.

The landlord had encouraged people to ruin Naruto's belongings and the old lady raised hell about him being a monster, so when the old lady died and the people came and took her body away Naruto had filched the hag's apartment key.

Then he waited till they cleared her apartment of all her things and refurnished it some before he unofficially moved in there.

Sure he had to make it look like he still lived in the other apartment, but now at least his things weren't getting destroyed on a daily basis anymore.

Naruto plopped his new sibling (he wasn't sure if it was a 'she' or a 'he') on the couch before going to a closet were the blankets were kept.

Pulling out a large thick fleece, Naruto went about the task of tucking him/her in. He then noted the headband his sibling was wearing and wondered why it didn't have a leaf. Shrugging he took it off and gently laid it on the floor, not giving it another thought.

He focused more on the old and nasty smelling wound on their side.

_Oh no! They must have gotten hurt when they landed!_ The boy thought franticly.

Naruto, not entirely sure what to do but having seen lots of other kids change bandages went to the supply kit the Old Man got him, just in case.

He cleaned it as best as he could before bandages the wound.

Naruto glanced nervously around. It felt weird to have some one here. He had a caretaker once but she was removed after she had tried to poison him.

Leaving the apartment he went over the vandalized one and started to clean it up some.

It wouldn't do if it didn't look like he lived there; they might find his new home and attack it, or worse, his new sibling.

After nearly an hour of cleaning and repairing some of the things he returned to his newer apartment, where he plotted his next big prank as he waited for his new sibling to awake.

* * *

Jibaku = Suicide bombing

PD


	2. Wha?

**My ****Wish Order Brother**

Author: PiperDreamer

Rating: Rated: M

Genre: General, AU

edited: 03/14/12

* * *

**Chapter 2: Wha-?**

* * *

Naruto fidgeted in his seat as the chuunin droned on. Normally he would have skipped class or made a prank on his sensei but he wasn't going to risk getting detention. That would keep him away from his older sibling!

It had been three days since his mystery sibling had been wished here and he was getting worried.

What if his sibling (Naruto out of courtesy didn't check to see if his new sibling was a he or a she) had hurt him/herself when he/she landed?

What if those scorch marks weren't superfluous?

What if he/she had to go to the bathroom?

Questions filled Naruto's little head as he impatiently waited for the clock to say 5 o'clock.

1:14:21.

_Gah! Hurry up already!_ He thought franticly as his fingers began a nervous drumming against the desk.

He had been going to the market area in hopes of finding some place to buy some food so he and his new family could have enough to eat when he/she woke up but had gotten nabbed by a chuunin who then demanded to know why he wasn't at the academy for the last two days.

Before he could even say anything he was dragged into the school building and then forced to attend the classes. He didn't want to be here, where he would be ignored and jeered at.

He looked down a little anxiously. What if his new family ignored him too? Or hated him? He couldn't bare the idea of his family hating him, it kill him.

Naruto stole a glance at the clock on the teacher's desk. Surely it was almost time by now right? A hour away? Two maybe? He stared at the clock.

1:14:47.

Naruto's forehead smacked the counter before, mentally groaning.

* * *

The Hokage stared out the window of his office, his features grim. Three days ago the hospital had been attacked by a flying blazing object.

At first many had thought it the work of the Iwa native clan Jibaku. The object had been made of clay and the remains looked like something they had made when they had bombed Konaha with during the war.

But when a group of ANBU had search the top of the Hokage's monument, where they saw the perpetrator land they found a Grass hitai-ite.

Now everyone was on the man hunt for this terrorist who they had no clue as to what the culprit looked look like, how old, or even gender. Heck he wasn't even certain that the person was from Grass!

Sarutobi rubbed his eyes. He was getting too old for all this.

Taking a deep drag from his pipe, the Third went back to dueling his never-ending battle against his nefarious foe: the paper work.

Which had doubled after this whole terrorist affair.

_If I ever find the creep who did that, I'll personally be his interrogator._

* * *

Deidara sneezed before sitting straight up, a kunai in one hand, a half formed clay spider in another, a wild look in his eyes.

Blinking a few times as he felt various kinks and pins from laying in the same spot for too long he took in his surroundings.

He was in some plain looking apartment that smelt like old people.

Carefully he looked around the small apartment, looking for any signs of life.

Not sensing anyone else the boy cautiously looked around.

It was white walled, sparsely furnished and had a look of some very neat-freak person living there.

The only sign that somebody did live here was a small, organized mess in the corner of the only bedroom, full of things that were only of value to a child.

Finding the bathroom Deidara looked around and spotted a set of clothing about his size.

Had the owner of the apartment set them out for him?

Then Deidara caught his reflection.

He gagged.

He looked like he had been dragged through all of Iwa and then thrown through a fire pit! And the bandages around his side looked as though it was done by a toddler.

Checking once more for anything dangerous he made took a quick shower, which proved difficult with a weapons pouch attached to his thigh.

Finishing in record time, he dressed in the new clothes and fresh bandages and moseyed towards the kitchen, searching its contents.

What he found made him blink a sweat a little.

Ramen. Lots of ramen.

Normally he wouldn't give a whole lot of thought, but it looked as though somebody had robbed a convenient store of its noodles and well…there was nothing else to eat.

How the hell did this person survive off of nothing but ramen? Where are the nutrients, fiber, vitamins?

_Great, the person is either really cheap or a bachelor, or both._ Deidara thought.

_Oh well, un._ He shrugged as he reached for one. The guy had at least a hundred and sixty, so one wasn't going to be missed.

Deidara thought over everything that had happened in the past few days as he waited for the water to boil.

He, Jibaku Deidara, the Avenger, Tokubetsu Jounin and Explosion Corps. of Iwa, last survivor of the Jibaku clan, had finally avenged his parents. Yes, his clan had died too, but to be honest he really didn't know them enough to feel sorrow.

But what was going to happen now? He had no place to return or go to, he was now a wanted B-rank criminal (last time he checked) in at least three countries, no connections, no money, no idea where he was or how he ended up here.

_Wow, I'm only ten-years-old and I've already (BLEEP) up my life beyond repair. Peachy._

Seeing the bubble in the water, Deidara poured the hot liquid into the cup.

He stared at the Styrofoam cup as he waited for the noodles to soften.

_Well, I could become a terrorist, I mean after all, that's pretty much what my blood limit specializes in. and,_ He thought with a smirk; _I could display my art without anyone trying to stop me!_

He was brought out of his mental musings when he heard a door slam open. A kunai appeared in his hand.

Slowly he made his way to the entrance of the kitchen, slowly peeking out the side of it.

There, at least three years younger then he was a boy.

The boy had blight blonde hair, cerulean eyes and was rather short. But the most noticeable feature was the twin whiskers on either side of his face. The boy looked around franticly as though he was trying to find something of great important. Tears swelled in his eyes, an absolutely devastated look appearing on his face.

Deidara check to see if anyone else was coming but his chakra felt no one.

Walking forward and making as much noise as possible as to alert the kid he was there, Deidara cautiously approached him.

The boy looked over to him, and stared for a moment.

Then the biggest and happiest smile Deidara had ever seen broke across the boys face.

The boy ran to him, small arms rapping around his waist and hanging on in an iron grip. Deidara repressed the impulse to pierce the kid in the heart with the kunai that was still in his hand.

What the kid said though shocked him.

"Big Sister/Brother, your back!"

"Wha-?"

* * *

PD


	3. Steps for Deceiving, er, Bonding

**My Wish Order Brother**

Author: PiperDreamer

Rating: Rated: M

Genre: General, AU

edited: 03/19/12

* * *

**Chapter 3: Steps for Deceiving, er, Bonding**

* * *

_Tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk_

Hiroshi twitched. The chuunin instructor was going to break that brat's fingers if he didn't stop that irksome tapping.

The demon brat was tapping on the desk, making the only other noise outside of his speech.

_Tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk_

Hiroshi turned to yell at the boy to quit, but stopped upon seeing the boy.

The boy looked antsy, as though he was extremely nervous about something. He kept looking at his desk, drum his fingers look around in an almost paranoid manner, look at his desk then repeat the process.

It wouldn't have been so bad to see this on any other child, but Hiroshi knew that this was uncharacteristic for the blonde devil-spawn.

_Tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk_

_Errrr, stop it already!_ Hiroshi thought angrily. _It's like he's waiting for my desk to blow up or something!_ Then he stopped, in both thought and speech, causing the children to look at him.

_Wait, what if he__**is**__waiting for my desk to blow up?_ He had heard about the last teacher who taught with the demon in here. They said he be out of the mental ward in a few months and right into physical therapy.

_Tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk_

Sweat tickled down his brow, nervousness setting in.

_Is that what you're waiting for? Are you planning to kill me?_

_Tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk_

_He's done something diabolical, I just know it! Your not gonna get me that easily demon! I see pass your little game!_

The chuunin thought getting ready to throw a kunai at the blonde.

_Tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk…tk_

_This is it! Die you corrupted monster!_

**BRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!**

All Hiroshi saw was a yellow flash and the spawn was gone.

* * *

_Gotta hurry, gotta hurry!_ Naruto thought as he zoomed by people, rushing everything in order to get home faster.

He had wasted enough time in that room, thinking planning and worrying.

Rushing he thought over everything he knew about his new sister/brother.

He/she was a possible blonde (hard to tell with all that grim and dirt), blue eyed, tanned, and had three mouths.

Yes, three mouths. He had found this out entirely by accident.

He had heard from a couple of gossipy biddy's that talking to a comatose person helped them recover faster, and holding their hand acted as a form of bonding and reassuring the comatose one that they weren't alone.

So not seeing anything wrong with at least trying, Naruto held his/her hand.

He felt something wet slid across his palm.

Startled Naruto looked and nearly yelped. There was a tongue hanging out there! And teeth!

Then Naruto, thought a very much little boy thought; _Coooooooooool!_

He spent the whole day just studying the strange hands, and wondering if he covered the mouth on the face, would he/she start breathing through the hand-mouths? Or could he/she eat and drink with them? Not that he tried it either.

That was partly way he had gone out to shop. He figured the more mouths the more you eat.

But now here he was, running like an angry mob was behind him (he knew what that felt like, not fun), trying to get back home.

Before he knew it he was in the shadier side of the village, where locals could get robbed, raped and beaten and call it one of their better days.

But he didn't care he just wanted to see his sibling. What if he/she didn't like him? What if he/she abandoned him? Or hated him like everyone else?

Before he could mentally answer these he found himself in front of the apartment door, pushing it open.

… and finding no one there. Panicked he searched the bedroom, the bathroom but no big sister/brother.

"No," He muttered, despair setting in.

_No._

The pain of rejection filling him.

_Please no._

He felt his heart start to break.

"Come back." He whispered, tears threatening to fall.

He heard footsteps and jerked his head to the source.

The pain, fear and rejection disappeared upon seeing who made the noise.

Standing in the kitchen doorway, wearing the clean outfit he had set out, clean blonde hair (**his** color of blonde!) that came to the shoulders and guarded looking sky blue eyes stood his sibling.

He couldn't stop himself from tackling his sibling, relief and joy washing over him.

"Big Sister/Brother, your back!" He happily shouted.

"Wha-?" His sibling seemed to sputter.

The older child just stared at him, looking utterly confused.

Naruto rubbed his face into his/her torso, too happy to care that his sibling wasn't hugging back.

"I thought you abandon me." the smaller blonde said, his tiny arms linked around a strong midriff.

"Oh I forgot to ask!" Naruto said, pulling himself from the older one, looking into his/her eyes.

"What's your name?"

"D-Deidara, un." The older sibling said, sounding a little unsure.

"Deidara-Niisan/Neechan! I'm Naruto!" Naruto grinned.

The older boy/girl just stared for a moment, looking completely clueless.

Then a glare formed on the older siblings face.

"I'M A GUY!"

* * *

Deidara glared at the younger boy, Naruto, in an annoyed fashion.

How could the kid not know he was a 'he'?

And why was he calling him his big brother anyways?

"You are a guy?" Naruto asked in an innocent manner.

"Well duh! Can't you tell?"

"…no," then a foxy grin plastered itself on his face. "But I'm glad to know the Wishing Star did give me a brother!"

"Wishing star?"

"Yeah! Three nights ago, I made a wish on a wishing star of a big brother, a bright light flashed and you landed on me! Then I look you to our apartment and waited for you to wake up! But I had to go shopping to buy food for all your extra mouths because I thought they'd be hungry but some stupid chuunin dragged me off, I tried to get away but the chuunin went on about a crisis 'bout some unknown bomber blowing up the hospital and that old man Hokage needed to do his job so I waited for the academy to end and rushed back here as soon as I could!"

Deidara processed the boy's rapidly done talk.

_So I've been out for three days, accidentally blew up a hospital, pissed of a shinobi village and its leader. Great, un. And Hokage? Which one was the Hokage? Kazekage is Suna's, Tsuchikage is Iwa, Raikage is Kumo, Hokage is-_

Deidara insides froze upon realization.

…_the Shadow of Konoha. Which means I'm in Konaha. Which means I'm in enemy territory. Which means that if I'm found, they'll chop off my hands, put a seal on the mouth on my chest, then keep me alive long enough to make sure I spawn a clan amount of children, then kill me and study my corpse._

Deidara knew this to be true; people with Kekkei genkai were often the fear and envy of their enemies. Many with a blood limit had suffered with being held captive in war, only allowed to stay alive so that they could reproduce mass quantities of children.

Now add to the fact that it was his clan that had caused a good deal of the Konaha shinobi death tolls during the war, and he was sure that they would be less then merciful to him.

_I am doomed. There is no way I'll be able to get out of here, and there's no way I'll be able to remain undiscovered-_

"Deidara-Niisan? Are you okay?" A pair of trusting, innocent cerulean eyes gazed up at him.

_-unless I became this kid's 'brother'! We look enough alike to pass as brothers! Judging by the lack of adult things here, he's either a runaway or an orphan._

Smiling at the younger boy Deidara said in a curious tone, "Naruto, do you have parents? I'd like to see them."

The smaller boy looked down. "No, we don't have parents, we're orphans. And the old man got rid of the caretaker not too long ago." The boy finished, looking sad.

_Excellent. That makes things easer. Now to come up with a viable alibi._

Giving Naruto a bright smile, Deidara hugged him. It was an awkward thing for the former Iwa-nin, he barely remembered what a hug felt like, but he had to get this kid to trust him.

The kid had already helped (albeit unintentionally) in making a plausible excuse for Deidara existence here, all he had to do was play his part. Even if it was cheering up the sad boy and pretending to be a concerned loving older brother.

"It's okay Little Brother. I'm sorry to bring it up." Deidara lied easily.

Naruto was overjoyed. Little Brother! His Nii-san called him that! Yes, they were becoming a real family!

Naruto didn't see the evil smirk on Deidara's face, a plan forming in his mind.

Naruto then spent the rest of the day explaining the village, where to find things, anything and everything plus all the questions his big brother had. Deidara had been very interested in the orphanages, to which Naruto voiced loudly his dislike for them, saying he wished they would get destroyed in some freak explosion.

It was nearly eleven when Deidara had told him he had to go to bed. He didn't complain, it was nice to have someone who cared.

Deidara said that tomorrow they'd go shopping for food and maybe go to the park if they had time.

Naruto tired from the days excitements, went to sleep promptly, thinking he had the best brother in all of Fire.

Though had he known that in a short few hours, Deidara was going to grant his wish about the destruction of the orphanages, he'd probably would have called him the greatest brother in the world.

* * *

Sarutobi coolly looked over the destruction, a grim look on his face. In front of him was a smoldering ruin. The three major orphanages in Konaha had become the next victim of their unconventional terrorist.

_First a hospital, now orphanages. What next, retirement homes?_

The attack had happened late in the night, much like the first did, some of the witnesses saying they saw Grass-nin's fleeing the scene.

The children, for the most part, came out of this unharmed, though most of the workers and caretakers died.

But it really didn't make sense. Why were they attacking these buildings?

_I feel like I'm missing a few pieces of the puzzle_. He thought mildly as he calmly viewed everything as the ANBU searched for clues.

Then Sarutobi felt ice cold dread crawl up his spine. Turning he barked out orders. "Find every child you can! I want their names, ages and as much of their background you can salvage! And do the same with the hospital!"

The only reason one would target hospitals and orphanages was if you planned to kidnap people in large quantities. And having no records on any of them made it easier for no one to notice their disappearance.

Sighing, Sarutobi then realized the amount of paperwork this would generate.

* * *

Deidara jumped when he heard the inhuman howl of anguish and hate. He only ever recalled hearing anything like that when one of the jinchuriki's in his former village had lost control, but somehow he felt as though he had caused whatever that thing was to go off, making it all the more frightening to hear.

Quickening his steps, Deidara made as much distance between himself and whatever the hell had just made that unholy scream of pure rage.

* * *

PD


	4. Different Brothers, Different Times

**My Wish Order Brother**

Author: PiperDreamer

Rating: Rated: M

Genre: General, AU

edited: 03/20/12

* * *

**Chapter 4: Different Brothers, Differant Times**

* * *

The inhuman screech of doom and gloom could be heard all over the village, making many jump out of their beds and causing quite a few accidents with the more jittery shinobi's.

Little Uchiha Sasuke jumped out of bed upon hearing the rumpus and ran to his brother's room.

"Nii-san, Nii-san!" The six and a half year old yelled, oblivious to the fact that had he stepped in a minute earlier, he would have been impaled by the many kunai his older brother had thrown.

Jumping onto the bed Sasuke looked right into the tired semi-focus looking eyes of his disheveled sibling.

"Nii-san, what was that? Was it a monster? Another fox demon attacking the village? Did some evil ninja get here? Are we being invaded? Did Tou-san forget his and Kaa-san's anniversary again?"

_How does he say that all in one breath?_ Itachi thought, absently.

Another roar that promised a fate worse than death was heard, causing the older to instinctively get into a fighting stance and the younger to hide under the covers.

Recognition finally dawned on Itachi as he realized what, or more to say who was making that noise.

_Dear Kami, not again,_ The twelve year old thought exasperatedly.

Sitting back down, he poked the breathing lump in his bed. Sasuke's upper face was barely visible.

"Is it gone?" the small boy said timidly.

Itachi smiled at his brother antics. Most kids ran straight to their parents when they were scared, but Sasuke always ran to him. He found that both annoying and endearing about his baby brother.

"It's nothing to worry about Sasuke." Itachi reassured the boy.

Sasuke popped his head out, the rest being shrouded in the comforter.

"What was that Aniki?"

"…That would be the Hokage."

Sasuke's eyes widened. "Why would the Hokage scream like that?"

Itachi looked at his little brother and said in all seriousness, "Because some foolish dissident just made his paperwork load much, much bigger."

"Ooooooh… Hey Aniki, what's a 'dissident'?"

"Someone who doesn't have very long to live."

* * *

Deidara looked out the small window, glad that the noise finally died down. He was pretty sure the entire village was now paranoid due to this being the second attack in one week (though in all honesty the first wasn't intended) but it was necessary.

He had dug up some info like the Kyuubi's attack nearly seven years ago which had caused a lot of orphans and had destroyed the original hospital and Hokage Tower along with any records they had, which wasn't good for the Leaf-nin's since most of their info on foreign refugees that were in the village were lost in it.

He also found that most of the new records on the many orphans from both the previous Shinobi War and the Kyuubi attack had been taken to the orphanages.

If he had been a better person he would have felt bad about destroying those orphanages and making life harder on the already suffering orphan's.

Too bad he was a maniacal bastard who cared only for his own art and skin.

But by destroying the orphanages he destroyed the records, meaning if they questioned his origins he could simply say that he had lived in a orphanages his whole life, and they'd have no way to refute his claim, especially since he killed all the caretakers.

Now that only left with him needing to keep the little Fishcake in believing he was a kind, loving brother, meaning he was going to need the kid to follow a alibi he had made up a little while ago which shouldn't be too hard, the kid seemed pretty determined that he'd stay here.

Strange though that the kid would be living alone, not to mention there was something bothering him about the younger boy.

He had gone through the records before destroying them to get Naruto's so that he could have some information about his 'brother'. The strange part? No records, in any of the orphanages.

Deidara sighed. Sometime with natural disasters like a tsunami (or in this case a rampaging demon) it took years for them to get reorganized, often forgetting little things, like orphans.

Looks like he was going to be info gathering when he and Naruto spend time together later.

Deidara stood, lazily moving to the couch where he plopped down. He thought of stealing a blanket off Fishcake's bed but decided against it. He didn't want the kid whining about it later.

After a moment he was fast asleep, one hand on his kunai pouch and other in the clay bag.

* * *

Light hit the small boy, causing him to wake up. Naruto scratched his head in a lazy sort of fashion, sleep still threatening to take him back to Dream World. Then he remembered what Deidara-nii-san said. Instantly the sleep was gone as the boy scrambled to get his clothes on, a huge grin on his face.

Rushing out he saw his brother sleeping on the couch and frowned. Way didn't Nii-san go to bed? It was big enough for two. Maybe he felt awkward about sharing a bed? But siblings did it all the time back in those awful orphanages.

Shaking his head in confusion, Naruto walked back to his room and brought out a blanket.

_Nii-san must be tired, that couch isn't very comfy._

Naruto had just placed the blanket on the older boy when he felt something sharp and metallic against his throat.

The next thing he knew he was pinned to the ground, Deidara holding him down by one hand and a kunai in the other.

"N-Nii-san?" The younger stuttered. Deidara was giving him an impassive look, like he didn't see Naruto. Naruto saw the unfocused look in those hazy orbs and realized Deidara wasn't awake.

"DEIDARA-NII-SAN! WAKE UP!" the whiskered boy yelled.

It worked because Deidara's eyes cleared up.

"Naruto?" He said as though trying to remember. Then the ex-Iwa ninja realized he had the smaller boy pinned to the ground by the jugular, and was about to kill him out of reflex.

_Man, I'm really jumpy, aren't I?_ He thought.

Removing his weapon Deidara helped the kid up, swearing colorfully under his breath.

_Shit, I messed up! Now he's gonna be too scared to act his part and will try to turn me in! Now I got to get him to be quite or else-_

"Nii-san, are you trying to become a ninja?"

Deidara progressively murderous thoughts derailed at the question. Looking at the boy's face he saw a wary gleam but mostly curiosity.

"Uh, yeah un. But I can't afford to get into the academy so I practice when I can." Deidara lied easily.

The boy's face broke out into a look of pure awe.

"That's so cool! Can you teach me? Pleeeease?"

_Man, he's annoying, but weird too_. Normal children were always petrified when their lives are threatened or at least fearful. Why didn't Naruto react the same?

"Sure, I'll teach you but it ain't much, un."

The small boy jumped up and down, whooping the whole time.

"If you don't stop right now, I won't take you to the park." Deidara said irately_. Really annoying._

"Okay!" the younger blonde chirped.

Deidara looked at the smaller boy who appeared to be having trouble keeping himself from fidgeting.

_Guess I should apologize for nearly killing him._ Deidara thought. That's what siblings did, right? Apologize?

Giving the most sincere look he could muster he (much to his surprised that it didn't sound fake at all) said, "Sorry about earlier. I hope I didn't hurt you."

Naruto grinned at him.

"That's alright! I'm used to it! Besides, you didn't mean to! Let's go!"

The younger boy said brilliantly, pulling the older boy out of the apartment and locking then running/ pulling Deidara along.

The only thing going through Deidara's mind was, _He's USED to nearly getting killed?_

* * *

Onoki stared out his window, not really seeing the rough landscape before him.

It had been barely been a week since Deidara had gone AWOL, started a mini-war he barely managed to prevent, murdered half of the council hospitalizing the rest, and blew up towns here and there and then gone and killed a bunch of Grass-nin.

Now he just disappeared after last seen heading into Fire territory.

Turning away from the window he looked at three pictures that rested on them.

The first was a group picture of a bunch of Jounins, he a young brunette charcoaled eyed and extremely short man at the time on one end, his twin brother, Sekiban, on the other side of the group. The both wore a jadedly bored expression.

The second held an older him sitting and two happy little girls; the first one a young dark haired dark eyed that sat next to him was his daughter, Shirotsuchi.

The other girl, nearly five years older then her was a hazel eyed brunette that stood behind him with her fingers pulling his mouth into a rather painful looking smile as he glared at her, a angry tick mark showing on his forehead. The little brunette just smiled brightly back. This was his niece, Sachi.

The third held an adult version of Sachi and Shirotsuchi. Next to Shirotsuchi were her husband Kitsuchi and his two year old granddaughter Kurotsuchi. Sachi was hanging on his arm to keep him from getting out of the picture; next to her was an amused looking blonde haired blue eyed man with a three year old boy that looked like a mini-me of him in his arms.

Her husband Jibaku Bakudan and their son Deidara.

He liked to think his family was at least quasi-normal, or at least he was. He and his brother's were considered prodigies in their childhood and during war that was a good thing.

He still couldn't remember what had made his brother react the way he did, Teenage rebellion and parental agitation probably, but Sekiban had gone from perfect son to raging hellion practically over night.

That was why when the (at the time) fifteen Sekiban announced he had gotten married to a local and 'very well known' twenty-four year old trollop, their parents disowned him.

The two brothers avoided each other like the plague, not wanting anything really to do with each other after that.

Then about ten months later Sekiban had dragged him, kicking and threatening fates worse then death mind you, to a seedy pub Onoki wouldn't be caught dead in.

The wilder of the two twins then promptly begged (yes, _begged_) Onoki for help. Apparently nearly two days ago Sekiban's wife had given birth and died shortly after. After doing multiple paternity tests it had been confirmed to be his child.

And Sekiban didn't know what to do, and to be frank neither had Onoki. Kill people? No problem. Spy? Easy enough. New born baby? The brothers could honestly say they had never been more terrified.

And to make it worse it was a girl. A girl! How the hell were two teenage guys suppose to raise a GIRL?

It took lots of patience, time, trail and error, and sleep loss but little Sachi became a normal civilian child, and had the most protective father and uncle on earth.

Both brothers had become even more serious then before the whole Sekiban incident and Onoki had been terrified of the idea of procreation due to his seemingly endless bundle of energy of a niece who though he loved dearly, had unintentionally gave him a fear of having children.

So when his bride had told him he was going to be a father, he paid every local shrine for a healthy, bright, _mellow_ child. The gods must have heard him because he was blessed with Shirotsuchi, the mildest mannered sweet tempered girl in the world.

Then Sekiban had died on a mission, leaving his little girl in his care since his parents didn't want anything to do with her and he being the only family left.

But he had been at the time ANBU so he couldn't just quit right there and then, thus leading him leaving her in his wife's care in his absence.

Around the time Sachi and Shirotsuchi turned ten and five (respectably) he had gotten a promotion; he was now the Sandaime.

Making his family a target to his enemies, thus forcing him to restrict both girl's and keep a group of ANBU on them at all time.

One of them was the youngest ANBU he had ever employed. Being fifteen the boy was quite, aloof, and rarely ever showed emotion even outside of his mask.

A bit unusual in the Jibaku clan, who were either homicidal maniacs or just bat shit insane.

For some reason Sachi was really attached to him. Though apparently she found the right button to hit when she wanted him to show emotion.

Just tell him his clan technique looked like an art show. He always got really angry when she said that, saying it was an ancient blood limit ability and that she shouldn't just label it something as debasing as 'art'.

Onoki would never understand or figure out how in the Seven hells the detached, apathy ice cube like Jibaku Bakudan could ever fall for his lively, loud, spirited and short-tempered niece.

Opposites attract, he guessed.

She had been nineteen when they married due to Bakudan wanted Onoki's complete approval, and after three years he got it.

It had been a happy five years, regardless if they were in war time.

She had given birth to Deidara two years after the marriage and a year later his daughter and her husband (who he had felt sorry for, seeing how his daughter had fallen for the young man quite hard to the point she made even that creepy fangirl club of Bakudan's take notes and brought a whole new scary level to stalking; Kitsuchi finally broke down crying and married her out of terror after he found her outside his shower stealing his clothes and replacing them with ones that had little tracker bugs sewn into them and replacing film in the cameras that littered his apartment that he had previous not known about) had his granddaughter, Kurotsuchi.

It was, simply put, good.

Deidara had been an odd mix of his parents; he had his blood limit and looks from his father but almost all his personality from Sachi. He say almost because Deidara, like his father was passionate when something they stood firmly on was mocked, but unlike his father who thought Sachi's calling his abilities art as an insult, Deidara had stood by his mother when it came about his 'art', much to Bakudan's irritation.

Then Grass and Leaf invaded. They drove of the intruders, but they lost many clans that day.

One was the Jibaku, with only Deidara being the survivor. He had only been four, but he was traumatized for life.

The boy was a complete mess, telling everyone he was an avenger and that he was going to kill the man who murdered his parents.

Onoki did what he could for the boy who was becoming increasingly more hostile and anti-social, but apparently it wasn't enough.

Vengeance was what pushed the prodigy, and by the time he turned nine had already become Special Jounin.

Now his grand-nephew was a missing-nin, and child wasn't even twelve. Though he was pretty sure the council had just as much blame as his parents murderer in helping Deidara become this.

Those bastards had tried to get the poor boy engage to -when he last looked- at least ten girls and kept telling the ten year old that as soon as he was old enough, he was going to repopulate the Jibaku clan. Add to the fact most people treated him like an outsider and freak due to his hands (even his second cousin Kurotsuchi, the closest thing he had to a friend was wary of him, despite the fact she looked up to him), it didn't take a genius to tell that this was too much for the poor kid.

But despite this, the boy _had _murdered Iwa-nin and nearly started a war and a civil war. The people wanted blood and Deidara had all but told him to make him the scape-goat.

To keep the peace, he publicly disowned the boy and made it clear he denied any relationship to the boy and proceeded to scratch his name from the family records.

Jibaku Deidara was no more; he was simply Deidara the missing nin and his fate laid in his own hands now. Should they meet on the battle field he would kill him.

Looking away from the pictures, his eyes landed on the multiple stacks of paperwork. Deidara's plot had created many levels of paperwork, from appliances for new shinobi's to replace the ones that got killed, to peace treaties to Waterfall.

And just a moment ago someone brought a wheelbarrow full of, you guessed it, paperwork.

Onoki, Sandaime Tsuchikage of Iwagakure No Sato, former Iwa ANBU and renowned war veteran wanted curl into a fetal position and cry as he debated on how to kill his grand-nephew for going out with a 'bang'.

* * *

PD


	5. Diminutive Fanboy's AKA Little Brother's

**My Wish Order Brother**

Author: PiperDreamer

Rating: Rated: M

Genre: General, AU

edited: 03/20/12

* * *

**Chapter 5: Diminutive Fanboy's AKA Little Brother's**

* * *

Deidara wondered if it was possible to bottle stamina up and sell it on the black market because Naruto was producing enough to power Iwa for months.

The boy seemed to be having tremendous trouble keeping still for even the smallest amount of time.

Still he tried not to look annoyed by it, a hard feat, and continued to let the small boy drag him by the arm as they made their way to their destination; the park.

Naruto had made a valid point about shopping after they finished in the park, due to not wanting to make multiple trips back and forth.

He was pretty sure Fishcake just wanted to play first.

Deidara studied the area that Naruto lived in since he didn't do it last night when he had gone to make art.

This had to be the WORST place to live in the entire village.

He'd seen shady sides, seedy sides and slums in towns and village alike, but somehow this place just made him want to bomb it out of pity sake.

The building were in poor shape, some looking ready to collapse right there, any shops here were disgusting to look at and made even the cockroaches want to leave due to just how unsanitary they were, garbage littering the grounds outside with withered brown grass, and a distinct smell of filth and other things he did not want to name.

The people here were the nastiest kind; all ranging from drug dealers, crooked vendors, pickpockets, thugs, prostitutes of both genders and all ages, thieves, and even more.

_Why the HELL is he living here? He'd be better off living in a sewer! It would have to be more sanitary then here!_ Deidara thought as he steered clear of some slut coming to close.

But by moving away from the hoe, he moved closer to Naruto. Upon seeing Naruto the woman gave a nasty look and walked away.

Then Deidara looked at the people's reaction to Naruto. Everyone was given the boy a wide berth, as though he had contagious and very deadly plagues, and there wasn't a kind face among them.

He suddenly felt like he was back in Iwa.

Moving quickly, Deidara pulled Naruto along till they were in a nicer looking part of town.

"Come on, Nii-san! Let's go to the park!"

Deidara allowed himself to be pulled by the youngster, wondering if the younger blonde was blissfully ignorant of their looks or blatantly ignoring them.

* * *

Hana smiled as she was pulled towards the park by her little brother Kiba. Said boy was grinning widely as he eagerly bounced around.

He had practically begged their mother to let them go, to which Hana was very surprised the stern woman had agreed to, after all they did have terrorist on the loose.

The twelve year old sighed. She really did miss these little out going to the parks moments with Kiba, she had done them less and less since she became a Genin.

Although she was surprise to not see the Uchiha prodigy (what was his name again? She was pretty sure it meant rodent or something) today. The Chuunin normally pass by her house the same time every morning, stare at her house for a little while then go on his way. Weird.

Of course her team canceled today due to the terrorist attacks so it was only logical that he was probably busy hunting them down.

As they meandered to the park, Hana saw two other people making their way there too.

The older looking of them was around her age while the younger appeared to be Kiba's age. They must have been siblings since they looked alike; with blonde hair, blue eyes and tanned skin.

The youngest was a spiky haired rambunctious boy with strange identical whiskered marks on both of his cheeks, looking like he was getting a huge treat just coming here. The other had straight hair that came to the shoulder with one very long bang covering the left side of her face, looked both annoyed and at a lost as to what to do.

The younger had gone straight to the swings, to which he climbed on and asked his sister to push him to which the girl obliged to.

"Nee-chan, can we play there too?" Kiba asked, pointing at the swings.

Not seeing any harm, Hana agreed. With a happy shout Kiba ran straight for the swings.

…and ran right into the girl who had came to the other side of the swings so that she could push her brother higher.

Kiba landed on his rear, looking up angrily at the blonde.

"Hey watch where you're… going…" Kiba words trailed off.

The blonde was giving him a very annoyed look, her cobalt colored eyes flashing dangerously, her mouth set in a frown as she pushed some golden locks out of her face.

Kiba just continued to stare at the girl, his face flushed a pinkish-red color.

Hana sighed. "Kiba, you were the one who ran into her, you apologize." Hana said irritably, oblivious to the blonde's angry twitch when she had said 'her'.

Steadily getting redder Kiba stuttered, "S-sorry, I-I should-d of l-looked."

The blonde took a deep breath, appearing to be muttering numbers under her breath. The younger blonde had stop swinging, looking at his sister worriedly.

Then the blonde girl gave a bright, radiant smile as she said, "No problem."

Kiba look like a tomato as he averted his eyes, poking his index fingers together.

Hana stared at her brother's odd behavior, a grin inwardly spreading.

_Aw, he's blushing!_

Looking back at the girl (who had returned to pushing her own brother on the swings) Hana now understood her brother's blush.

The blonde girl was very pretty.

Helping Kiba onto the swing next to them, Hana began to push the younger Inuzaka, but couldn't help but noticed that he was staring at the blonde girl every time he came back towards her.

The younger of the blonde's was grinning widely; a happy laughter escaped his mouth every time he got higher.

"Higher! Higher!" He cried out ecstatically.

Unfortunately in his excitement he had let go of the swing. His eyes flew wide as the momentum passed onto him, causing him to fall forwards off of the hard wood that had kept him in the air. In panic, he groped as if in slow motion for the safety of the chain, but found he could not reach it. Then he felt the hard cruel ground as he gracelessly bellyflop onto it with a sickening 'plop'.

Hana stopped Kiba's swing as the older blonde rushed to where the whiskered boy was still face first into the ground.

Pulling the younger boy out she checked over him, held two fingers to his face and ask the cross-eyed boy how many she was holding up, then after he answered four she continued to ask other questions as she checked him for bruises or other ailments.

After a few minutes the boy was fine, grinning nervously as he rubbed the back of his head as the girl scowled at him.

"You could have landed better then that! Sheesh, are you trying to kill yourself?"

"But Deidara, I don't know any other way to land, other then on my back."

The older one, Deidara, nearly slapped her forehead.

Glaring exasperatingly, she said, "When falling, use the momentum; tuck your legs in, and use the fall. Turn it into something that can help you, otherwise you'll be eating dirt, and suffering from unwanted injuries. By doing this, you are more likely to absorb the impact of a fall without injury. Reaching an arm or leg out to break your fall may result in a broken limb instead. Also fight the natural reaction to straighten out your arms to catch your forward fall. Locking your arms puts a great deal of stress on your wrists."

The younger blonde gave a clueless look, tilting his head to the side and said, "Huh?"

An angry tick mark showed on her forehead. "Baka Fishcake!"

Moving to the swings, Deidara got on one and started to swing. After a minute she was higher then 'Fishcake' had been, she let go. With quick precise movement's she thrust her legs out of the swing, and tucked them in, somersaulted in the air then landed a few feet away from her brother in a manner very similar to a cat.

Hana stared. The girl did a perfect landing.

Deidara stood up before looking at her brother, smirking. But the smirk was gone and replaced by a look of confusion.

Looking at the blonde boy, she suppressed a giggle.

The boy was looking up at her with a look of unadulterated shock, awe and hero-worship, all thrown in together.

Then the boy, apparently not as hurt as they had thought, latched onto Deidara's waist, yelling, "DEIDARA, YOU'RE SO COOL!"

And with that the little boy proved to have an impressive set of lungs as he continued to gush about how awesome his Nii-san was.

Hana blinked. Nii-san? Shaking her head she dismissed it as a slip of the tongue. Lord knows Kiba had done that a hundred time's with her. Plus that Deidara was waaaay to girly looking not to be female.

"Hey Kiba, maybe we should go play elsewhere." Hana said as she turned away. She didn't want to intrude on these two's bonding, plus they were just too noisy. Her sensitive ears were hurting.

"YOU'RE SO AMAZING DEIDARA-SAMA!"

Hana whirled around to find her brother standing right next to the blonde's, a look of pure adoration on his face, his cheeks burning brightly with a blush as stars and hearts practically shined in his eyes.

Hana blinked. Twice.

_My little brother just became a fanboy._

* * *

_What. The. HELL?_

Was all Deidara thought as his waist got latched onto by his 'brother' who was apparently completely in awe of the fact he did a simple tuck and roll.

"DEIDARA, YOU'RE SO COOL!" Naruto practically screamed in ecstasy as he continued to rant about just how awesome he was.

Why wasn't the kid in pain? He had landed hard enough to not only knock the air out of him, but also had a slight concussion and whiplash, but right now you wouldn't have guessed.

Deidara was about to pry Naruto off his person when his ears were once more assaulted by another near scream.

"YOU'RE SO AMAZING DEIDARA-SAMA!"

Looking to his right he saw the same kid that had knocked into him a little while ago.

The brunet boy was doing a freakishly accurate impersonation of his more creepier ex-fiancée's.

Resisting the urge to blow the kid's up, Deidara gave a hard smile. "Thank you." He said with as much acid as he could possibly make in two words.

Both boy's seemed obvious to this, mercifully though it appeared the girl was not.

Moving forward she pulled her brother away from the near-homicidal blonde, smiling apologetically to him.

"Sorry about Kiba. He's a good kid, just an idiot."

"Hey!"

"Kiba go play in the sand box over there for a minute."

The younger boy huffed but obeyed upon seeing the stern look she was giving him.

Deidara looked down at his own parasite- _ahem_ - brother, smiling as kindly as possible.

"Why don't you go play in the sand box too Naruto, un?"

"Because you are standing right here." The younger boy looked at Deidara as though that was the most obvious answer in the world.

"Yes but that little boy over there might need a play buddy or else the sand shark'll eat him, making his family very sad."

Naruto's eyes widen. "There are sand sharks in there?"

Looking serious, Deidara nodded. "Oh yes. They like to eat little kids around your age but don't worry; they don't attack if there's more then one person in the sand box. So go before it's too late!"

Naruto wide eyed and fearful ran to the sand box to prevent the other boy from getting eaten by the sand sharks.

Looking back, Deidara looked at the girl who was giving him an vacant look.

"Sand shark." She deadpanned.

"Yeah, crafty little buggers, nasty tempers, beady little eyes, none too bright and really smelly. I'm Deidara by the way." He said as he held out a fingerless gloved hand, giving her a lop-sided grin.

Smiling the girl shook the extended hand.

"Inuzaka Hana."

* * *

Itachi grumbled as he walked home, clearly peeved. He had been called into a meeting early that morning to listen to people discuss about the terrorist threat for nearly two hours, then went to help investigate the newest bomb sighting till nearly 2 o'clock, then he was roped into helping the Hokage with that accursed paperwork!

Really, who ever created paperwork must have been a close relative of the devil.

And to add to it, he didn't even get to see Hana-san! That really put a dent in his day.

It was one of his most well kept secrets, but he had a monster of a crush on the Inuzaka girl. Ever since he first saw her in all her tomboy grace, he had been heavily smitten, from her take-no-shite-from-anybody attitude to her rough laughter.

Not that his parents would ever approve of her. They were convinced the only kind of girl's out there were fangirl's and the picture perfect kind that resembled delicate porcelain dolls.

Someday the young Jounin really wished he was still a Genin, that way he could possibly talk to her more.

Reaching his front door paused momentarily when it opened to reveal his cousin Shisui.

The normally stoic older Jounin looked as though he was about to kill something, or someone, namely the squirming youngster being held captive under his arm.

"Itachi, I believe this is yours." He gritted out, handing Sasuke roughly over to the preteen before storming off.

"Aniki!" Sasuke squealed, happy to see his beloved brother.

It didn't take a genus to see what had happened. Shisui had been off duty today and was once more roped (most likely by his mother) into babysitting Sasuke.

Yes, Itachi knew Sasuke could be a hand full at times and was often looked down upon by others in the clan for not acting 'Uchiha enough' for their taste.

But honestly, he had acted the same way at Sasuke's age too, and there was a very high chance his little brother would become just like the rest of them; cold, arrogant, and complete arsehole's.

He dearly wished he knew how that late cousin of his, Obito, managed to escape that fate, perhaps then maybe there'd be half decent people here.

"Aniki! Aniki! Let's go to the park!" Sasuke said looking up at him with big lead colored eyes.

Itachi was about to poke him on the forehead and tell him maybe another time (because really, all he wanted to do was sleep right now) when he heard a sugary sweet voice that sent a shiver done his spine and made his skin crawl.

"Itachi-kun," a voice called, and the prodigy turned to see a short, beautiful, raven-haired girl.

"Amesha-san," he stated, wishing for the girl to spill what she had to say quickly and then leave him be. Out of the side of eyes he saw Sasuke make a face towards the girl and couldn't help but agree with him.

"I… I just wanted to ask if you have the time to accompany me for dinner tonight." The girl was blushing and acting timidly in a way that many would have labeled as cute, but Itachi couldn't help but shudder inwardly. Sasuke, feeling no such obligations, openly made gagging noises.

"No." He deadpanned.

"Oh, but Itachi-kun, we never do anything together!" The girl said sadly, though it sounded like a whine to Itachi.

"Of course you don't do any thing together! You're icky!" Sasuke said.

Amesha smiled kindly to Sasuke.

"Sasuke-chan, you shouldn't talk so meanly to your future sister-in-law!" She giggled; causing the two male Uchiha's to cringe.

It was forever branded the second worst day of his life, followed closely by when he had been traumatized on that god forsaken battle field; the day his parents announced that he and his cousin Amesha were engaged.

If it hadn't been for the love he held for Sasuke he would have done the only honorable thing and had committed seppuku.

Turning back to the older of the two, Amesha gave a coy smile. "Can we do lunch then? It's such a lovely day."

"No." Itachi blankly said.

"Do you have a mission?" she asked, desperate to find a plausible reason for his refusal.

"No, I have plans with Sasuke and do not wish to hold them off any longer. Come along Sasuke." Itachi said, and left with Sasuke as he beelined for the park.

Sasuke turned just long enough to give the angry looking Amesha a triumphant grin and a raspberry.

* * *

PD


	6. The Fury of the Jibaku

**My Wish Order Brother**

Author: PiperDreamer

Rating: Rated: M

Genre: General, AU

edited: 03/20/12

* * *

**Chapter 6: The Fury of the Jibaku**

* * *

Deidara watched as the Naruto was holding back Kiba from entering the sandbox and Kiba getting angry at him for doing so, chuckling at their display.

"Pretty silly, aren't they?" Hana said as she giggled.

"Couple of regular goofballs, un."

"So Deidara-chan, do you live around here?"

Deidara twitched. Why was this girl calling him 'chan'?

_Calm down, girls have a habit of calling younger guys that._ He reasoned with himself. He remembered a lot of his ex-fiancée's calling him that among other pet names.

Pushing that memory away he looked back at the older girl and grinned.

"Not really. We leave near the market place."

Hana smiled enthusiastically. "Wow, bet's that's easy for your Mom, not having to go far for groceries."

Deidara's grin faded as he fixes the girl with an empty sort of look that clearly said 'painful-subject'.

"Kaa-san…and Tou-san…died. A little over six years ago." He said in a toneless voice, as though he was lost in memories, which in reality he really was.

It was a very tender subject for Deidara and he knew he didn't need to pretend that he did not want to talk about; the memory had practically been burned into his psyche.

_It's over. I got my revenge. Just let those memories disappear._ A stern cold voice told him but another voice, a rather broken sounding child said,_But if we forget it, I'll be forgetting Momma and Papa._

Deidara shook his head slightly. He had to stop arguing with himself, he was crazy enough without those little voices.

Hana looked shocked then bowed her head slightly, looking rather apologetic. "Sorry."

_Okay, too much dreariness._ He thought angrily before smiling at the girl.

"Don't worry about it; it happened a long time ago." _And it left me traumatized, unhinged, homicidal and was bent on revenge, un._

"Oh, okay." Hana said not looking convinced. She couldn't imagine life without her mother (her Dad had left them when she had been nine, but to be honest she couldn't blame him; her mother was a scary person and it really surprised most people he had managed to stay with the brash woman for so long) so she couldn't fathom how these two did it.

Deidara looked back at the boy's both still fighting over who should entire the 'sharkie-infested-box' as Naruto was calling it as Kiba kept telling him there was no such thing.

A wicked grin spread over Deidara's visage as he leaned towards Hana and spoke quietly, "Do you have any explosives on you?"

Hana stared at the evil looking blonde. "I have a cherry bomb, why?"

"Oh I just want to see their reaction when I make it look like there's a shark in there."

A bit curious, Hana handed the cherry over along with a match and watched as Deidara lit it then threw it at the sandbox.

_Good aim,_ she thought. Then the sand around the cherry exploded, causing both children to scream and run towards their respective sibling.

"I TOLD YOU THERE ARE SAND SHARK'S IN THERE! YOU COULD HAVE GOTTEN US EATEN UP IF DEIDARA HADN'T WARNED ME!" Naruto yelled hysteria and excitement audible in his voice to the untrained ear.

"SIS! WE ALMOST GOT EATEN BY SAND SHARKS! THERE'S HUGE SAND SHARKS IN THERE! IT TRIED TO GOBBLE US UP! NEE-CHAN, DEIDARA-SAMA, IT WAS SCARY!" Kiba yelled, looking like he just about wet himself.

Hana and Deidara were hard pressed not to openly laugh at the two boys'.

_Man that was hilarious!_ Hana thought as she calmed down her brother.

_I've forgotten just how gullible little kid's are!_ Deidara thought drolly as he patted Naruto's head in an attempted to calm him down, watching and taking notes from Hana.

Deidara stiffened slightly when he felt a chakra flare up then abruptly die down.

Turning casually as though to say something to Hana, he pretended to be cut off upon seeing someone, or more like someone's.

Standing a good thirty feet away were two boys, roughly around the Inuzuka's sibling ages, both with black hair and fair complexion. The younger one was trying, and failing, to get the older one to move but he seemed stuck in place, completely fixated on Hana if the shocked and somewhat wistful expression was any hint.

Nodding towards the new duo, Deidara asked, "Hey, do you know them?"

Upon hearing this question, the older boy's face seemed to melt into an impassive mask just as Hana turned around to see who he was talking about.

"Yeah, that's Uchiha-san and I think that's his brother, or cousin. It's hard to tell with them."

Hana waved at the boy's politely, to which the older gave a curt nod while the younger gave an enthusiastic wave back, a huge grin on his face. Then the younger boy turned to the older and said rather loudly,

"Aniki! Can I play with them?"

Before the older boy could reply the younger boy had already rushed forward to the four.

Grinning brightly, the boy said excitedly, "Hi! I'm Uchiha Sasuke, I like tomatoes, sweet tarts and the color yellow! My hobbies are training, playing and watching Nii-san!"

Deidara and Hana just stared at the black haired boy, both thinking different things.

_Are all the kid's here loaded on sugar or something?_ Deidara thought agitatedly.

_Wow, an Uchiha who doesn't have a stick wedge up his arse. That's new._ Hana thought slightly stunned.

Kiba and Naruto just stared at the new boy for a moment before breaking out into smiles.

"Hi! I'm Uzumaki Naruto! I like ramen, candy, and the color orange! My hobbies are pranking, learning new things and Deidara Nii-san!"

"I'm Inuzuka Kiba, and I like playing with the puppies at home, playing with my friends, Deidara-sama and the color green! My hobbies are training, playing, and annoying my Nee-chan!"

"I knew it!"

Ignoring the annoyed looking girl, Sasuke pointed to the older boy behind him.

"This is my brother Itachi! He's a Jounin! Dad and Mom brag about him all the time which is really annoying. My cousin Shisui says he's sociably retarded and asexual but I don't know what those mean and his engage to Amesha who's a yucky evil ugly hag-!"

Anything else Sasuke was about to say was abruptly cut off by an apathetic looking Itachi putting a firm hand over his running mouth.

"Sasuke, go play in the sandbox. Right. Now." Though he looked and sounded impassive, Deidara had detected a under lined threat in that tone.

Sasuke nodded before running to the sandbox.

… And was quickly brought down by Naruto and Kiba on top of him, both sporting frightened looks.

"Don't go in there! The sand shark will eat you!" Both boys cried out at the same time.

Deidara and Hana laughed at the sight as Itachi just stared at the spectacle with a raised eyebrow.

Hana smiled at the Jounin before raising her hand to him.

"Don't worry; I'll ignore what your brother said about you. I'm Inuzuka Hana, and this is Uzumaki Deidara."

Itachi stared at the extended hand for a moment before shaking it.

"Uchiha Itachi."

Deidara grinned at the stoic boy. "Are you really asexual un?"

"Hardly." Itachi said as he glared at the younger boy. Yes, he knew he was a 'he' despite his rather feminine looks. Tomboy's (like his dear Hana-san) and even girls raised by just men all their lives had a female air around them, something Deidara didn't have.

Deidara talked like a boy, walked like a boy and had the attitude of a boy.

Not to mention he suffered from the same problem not to long ago of being mistaken for a girl. He really was glad he finally grew enough were people could tell he was a male.

Itachi continued to glare at the younger boy. There was something…off about him, making Itachi a bit guarded. He couldn't quite pin it though.

Hana saw the glare and decided to intervene; she heard that Uchiha's had a low tolerance for disrespect and she did not want to see if that was true. Placing a hand on both Deidara and Uchiha she said as she tried to mimic her mother's scary voice, "Drop it now. Dei-chan you're a civilian and Uchiha-san you're a ninja. Let's not do anything stupid." She finished, feeling them both flinched under her hand.

_Good, they understand._ She thought happily, believing they flinch because of her imitation of her mother, which was only partly correct.

Though she missed the look of vexation on Deidara's face and the rare slight blush on Itachi's still passive face though his eyes did dilate.

Deidara flinched mostly due to being called '-chan' and Itachi flinched due to coming into contact with his crush's hand.

"FOR THE MILLIONTH TIME, THERE ARE NO SAND SHARKS!" Sasuke nearly screamed at the two boy's still holding him down.

To the surprise of Deidara and Hana, Itachi walked over to the three struggling boy's.

Crouching down in front of them he spoke.

"Sasuke, you should listen to them or you might end up like our cousin Shinsuke."

The three boy's stopped struggling, looking at Itachi with unabated interest.

"Cousin Shinsuke? Who was that?" Sasuke said, still under the two other boy's.

"Oh he was Shisui's little brother. One day he went to a sandbox, much like this one," He said pointing to the seemingly harmless box. With all three's attention successfully on it Itachi quickly a low powered paper bomb before rapping it around a kunai.

"Then," He said, drawing attention back onto himself, "he stepped in the box, and it began to shake, then in one swift movement the shark swallowed him whole. It happened very fast, and it was very loud, with sand spurting every where."

Then with movement's too quick for anyone to see (excepted Deidara), he threw the kunai in the sandbox, then watched in satisfaction as the loud explosion caused the sand to shoot out everywhere, making the three boy's scream in terror as they ran (Kiba and Naruto had grabbed Sasuke and had dragged him with, not that he was complaining) to Deidara and Hana.

Naruto was practically wrapped around Deidara's chest. Deidara was almost convinced that if the kid was any closer he'd be inside his chest-mouth.

Hana on the other hand had both Kiba and Sasuke stuck onto her, her brother glued to her leg and Sasuke on her back.

"SEE? WE WERE TRYING TO SAVE YOU, YOU TEME!"

"SIS, IT TRIED TO EAT US AGAIN!"

"SHUT UP BAKA! DID YOU SEE THE SIZE OF THAT THING? IT COULD OF SWOLLOWED US ALL WHOLE!"

_Wow, he's as bad as Dei-chan._ Hana thought mirthfully; trying to calm the boy's and keep from laughing at the same time.

It took about 15 minutes to calm the three boys' down.

"Well congrats you two, I believe these three are now going to be terrified of sand from now on." Hana murmured to Deidara and Itachi low enough so the three boys' couldn't hear them.

"They'll live." Deidara muttered back before saying out loud, "Well Naruto, we still need to go shopping but if you're too scared to move I understand."

Almost instantly Naruto stopped shaking, glaring slightly at his brother.

"I'm not scared!"

"Good, then lets go, we've already stayed too long here as it is."

Getting up Naruto looked at his shell shocked play buddies.

"Gotta go! Hope we can play again!"

Hana smiled at the whiskered blonde. "Kiba and I would love to play with you again. Are you free next Friday?"

Naruto turned to Deidara expectedly.

_It actually a pretty good idea, people will think we're normal kid's playing with friends. Yeah that'll do._

Smiling, the ex-Iwa nin said yes.

Naruto grinned, happy at the idea he'd get to play with them again, even if they spent the majority of the time trying to stay out of the shark infested sandbox. Turning to the Inuzuka girl Naruto quickly said, "Hana-Nee-chan? I think you should let Sasuke's brother help you home since both your and his brother is attached to you."

Hana stared at the younger boy for a moment before giving an embarrassed smile. "I'm pretty sure Uchiha-san doesn't want to-"

Before she could finish though, Itachi interrupted her.

"Inuzuka-san, please allow me to walk you home. I was the one who put our brother's in this state, it's only right that I make sure you both make it home alright."

Hana frowned. She was a Genin! She could take care of herself!

"What about Dei-chan? She might need help!"

Deidara glared at the girl as did Naruto.

"Hana-**chan**,you got two kids stuck to ya both of which are completely obvious to their surroundings! Uchiha just wanted to help so quit being a pain and let him!" Deidara said, the honorific said with heavy sarcasm.

Hana glared at the blonde duo half-heartedly. She knew the younger girl was right, plus Uchiha-san really did seem like he wanted to help.

"Fine." She said in an annoyed fashion.

Deidara grinned. "Great, un! See ya next week!"

He grabbed Naruto wrist before walking off, but then stopped as though an after thought.

"Oh. By the way, I'm a guy."

Deidara smirked at her gapping face.

Naruto grinned, following his cool brother.

Itachi was making plans to take Sasuke to the park next Friday, and possibly giving fruit baskets to the Uzumaki brother's for getting Hana-san and him to walk home together.

* * *

Deidara pulled Naruto along till they were in a busy looking area full of shops, vendors, restaurants; the Marketplace.

Deidara looked around, not really sure where to start.

"Hey Big Brother, do you have any money?" Naruto asked.

Deidara gave a lop-sided grin as he held up a leather wallet.

"Yeah we're fine on the cash department un." _He doesn't need to know I picked the wallets clean from those people I killed and bombed last night_.

Walking towards a fruit stand Deidara looked over the goods, browsing through to find the fresh deals.

A dear friend, cousin Kurotsuchi's mother actually, had taught him how to pinch his yen and hunt down a good bargain, making the young boy very adept at choosing and picking out fresh foodstuff; yes he'd have to say that 'aunt' Shirotsuchi trained had trained him well, so much so that he could literally sniff out a good deal from the bad from as far as a mile away.

As he inspected the fruits he took careful note of his surrounding and smirked slightly; it was obvious everyone was suffering from heighten fear and paranoia, he even heard people talk about the terrorist attacks.

_Ah, so nice to hear people talk about my art._

After finding a good deal and haggling with the man he walked out with a bag full of fruits that he got half off.

Wandering to the next stall he got veggies.

_I suppose Fishcake needs the nutrients considering he only eats ramen_.

After a bit more haggling he came to a fish stall was he bought a large trout.

_Ug, these bags are gettin' heavy. Oh well I'll get my 'brother' to carry them._

"Hey Naru-" Deidara started but stopped when he didn't see the shorter blonde.

"Naruto?" Deidara said looking around. Something flew at him and he dodged it, looking at the direction of the flying pebble had come from.

In an alley just out of the way from the market stood a partly hidden Naruto.

He would have called out to the boy but something in the smaller boy's eyes told him not to.

Walking casually over, he quickly duck in once he was close enough. Naruto looked at his questioning gaze before shrugging.

"People don't like me in the marketplace. Last time I was there a shop owner broke a glass bottle over my head then he and a couple of other's chased me out with knives. Normally those guys with masks stop it before it gets really ugly. After that I normally just go to Ichiraku's."

Deidara stared at the whiskered blonde, part of him not believing him, but Naruto was not acting like the little chibi-brat he had been accustomed to seeing. Instead the small blonde was far too alert as though he was expecting an attack, his eyes were guarded, his face grim.

It was eerily familiar for Deidara to see a kid not even seven year's old acting like he lived in the trenches of a war.

Then the aptly named fishcake broke into a grin. "Don't worry about me! As long as they don't find me we'll be fine! Go back and shop, 'kay?"

A little grudgingly Deidara agreed, leaving the food with Naruto before resuming his previous task.

_He's not my responsibly, I just got to act my part and he'll do his. Besides if he gets hurt it's his own dang fault._ Deidara thought, shrugging.

He wondered around, buying a few spices and a small bag of tomatoes before something caught his eye.

It was a stand full of books and scrolls, many of which looked quite old.

Browsing through he found a few books on beginner's reading and writing along with introductory on mathematics, history, chemistry, physics, books on different arts styles, and basic cooking.

He figured that if he was going to be staying in this place for a while he might as well teach the kid something helpful. Besides, that what normal siblings did right? Help the younger ones?

Deidara was about to pay for the books when two other books caught his attention.

Picking them up, he read the titles: the _Nihilist Recipe Book_ and _Bedlam Brilliance_.

Deidara had to fight off the grin that was trying to creep onto his face. He was holding cookbooks on pandemonium!

_I can't believe it! These books were outlawed in Iwa, Suna and Kiri as well as six minor countries! I'm holding a plethora of some of the greatest art works in the world!_ He thought excitably.

* * *

Sarutobi stopped in the middle of his speech to the group of young Jounin's, feeling a dreaded chill run down his spine.

Something…diabolical…is going to happen! And if Sarutobi wasn't wrong, it was going to haunt him for years! He had the same feeling when he first got his Genin team!

* * *

The man working the stand must of saw Deidara taking interest in the books because he said,

"There not for sale kid, so don't even bother."

Deidara glared lightly at the older man before putting them back. The old shop keeper grunted before being called away by another costumer.

Quickly glancing around Deidara switched the covers with a couple of history ones. Keeping his pouty look up, he bought the books (he almost smirked when he saw the older grab the two books with the anarchy covers and hid them out of sight) then went on his merry way.

He walked back to the alley only to find the bags of food but no Naruto.

_Where the heck did he go now?_ Deidara thought irritably.

Making sure no one was looking he created an Iwa Bunshin no Jutsu*, ordering him to take all their things to the apartment.

Deidara leaned against the wall for a moment, letting the nausea pass. It took up a chunk of his chakra making a iwa bushin; he'd only ever been able to make six before passing out. Last time he had spent an entire month in the hospital for chakra exhaustion.

After a few more moments Deidara began to spread his chakra out. He knew what Naruto's chakra signature felt like, so he searched for it.

After several minutes of searching Deidara found it and frowned.

The boy was running, with several other signatures chasing after him.

Pin pointing the location Deidara ran towards it. He ran to the other side of the Marketplace before he felt Naruto's signature stop, the other signature's surrounding him.

Deidara then heard several angry yells, swearing, flesh on flesh pounding along with wood and metal on flesh and to his revulsion, a child's pained screams.

Naruto's pained screams.

He rushed to the scene, seeing a group of eight men surrounding something on the ground, kicking, hitting and cursing it.

Deidara pushed past them and almost choked upon seeing him.

Naruto laid in a pool of his own blood, bruises and welts covering most of his visible skin, cuts and wound's Deidara had only ever seen on tortured prisoners were allover the boy, his right arm was in a odd angle and one eye swollen shut. Deidara didn't need to check for broken bones, it was painfully obvious many of them were.

Yet despite this Naruto managed to smile at him, reaching towards him with his good arm.

"Nii-san..." Naruto said quietly, Deidara being the only person to hear it.

_W-why? Why did they do this? This, this is just sick._ Deidara thought as he stared numbly at the small boy.

Then he felt someone pulling him away from the little blonde.

"Hey kid, don't get near it! That thing's a monster!"

"Yeah! A demon!"

"Freak!"

"It needs to die!"

Deidara eyes locked with Naruto's. They were fading, sadness, misery, despair… loneliness.

_A boy of seven watched as his tormentor's stared hatefully at him, beating him mentally and emotionally within an inch of his life with words alone._

_He stared almost transparently at them, but the other kid's words still struck._

"_Don't talk to him, did you see his hands?"_

_"I heard he has a mouth on his chest too."_

_"I hear he doesn't even have parents."_

_"I heard they didn't want him."_

"_I heard his father killed his mother in a bombing thing."_

"_Wasn't she like the Tsuchikage's daughter or something?"_

"_Yeah."_

"_What a freak."_

_But it was the ones spoken by the adults that hurt almost worse then the ones said by his peers._

"_You're a freak!"_

"_People with blood limits are the real monsters!"_

"_It disgusts me that you share the same blood as our beloved Tsuchikage!"_

"_You're probably the reason your poor Mother's dead!"_

_He knew no matter what he did… he'd never be normal or accepted._

Deidara felt his breathing constrict and knew it wasn't from his chest-mouth.

Naruto's eyes…

…were mirror images of his.

"Kid! Get out of the way! We need to deal with monster!"

"Yeah, we can't have this beast wander freely!"

"The little freak needs to pay for what he's done!"

The eight men froze, feeling a potent killing aura that felt like it was biting at them.

Ripping his gloves off, Deidara quickly created a large looking dog and bird. Then carefully he picked up Naruto and stuck him inside the clay dog. A moment later the dog ran from the scene, leaving eight men and a boy in the deserted alley.

"What," the preteen spoke, slowly turning towards them.

"has he done," the painful feeling of something chewing at their skin intensify.

"to deserve this sort of treatment?" He snarled, his visible eye shined with rage.

One of the braver (or stupider) men snapped back, "Because he's a demon! He killed our friend and families members! He needs to be taken care of permanently!"

Suddenly the killing intent increased to the point that it felt like teeth were ripping, chewing and eating their way through them.

Deidara's hands flew to his clay pouch. It was freshly filled the night previous so he didn't need to worry about going sparingly on them.

Some of the men were screaming in pain, clawing, biting at themselves to relieve the horrid pain but the more they fought the worse it got.

"Sorry guys, but my chakra's special. It has a chemical compound to it that, once hits the air in its pure form, can either blow up on my command or, as you're finding out, acts like acid and eats through your skin."

Pulling out his hands Deidara grinned as he watched the men faces become horror ridden as the clay spiders he made moved out the mouths in his hands, and began to match towards them. As the spiders launched themselves on the men's faces the last man saw something that truly frightened him, more then the army of spiders ever did.

The boy was grinning psychotically at them, his eyes practically glowing with a magnificent madness that no child should ever possess.

Deidara walked towards the alley entrance where the bird stood, forming a hand sign and said almost gleefully, "Katsu!"

The entire alley, along with the surrounding buildings, became the eight men's graves, Konaha's newest terrorist strike area and Deidara's artwork.

"Art's a real blast." Deidara said as he raced off towards where he had sent the dog.

* * *

A Chuunin burst into the Hokage's office, his face red from the rush but he couldn't bring himself to care.

"Hokage-sama! We've had another attack!"

Sarutobi's face went grim. "Location?"

"Near the Marketplace! Four apartments building had just collapsed, we've had only four known deaths but many wounded."

The Profeser nodded. "Dog."

An ANBU with a dog mask appeared out, kneeling before him.

"Hai, Hokage-sama."

"Get two squadrons on the scene, and get the demolitions experts in there. I want to know what the hell they used. Searched that place thoroughly, and see if there were any witnesses. GO!"

"Hai!"

* * *

Deidara had half a mind to re-blow up the stinkin' hospital.

He had taken Naruto to the hospital to get emergency treatment but they took one look at Naruto and turned him away! One of them even said he deserved it and hoped the poor kid would die!

After that dreadful experience, Deidara had rushed him to the apartment.

He had torn several sheets apart to create bandages and had tied many chopsticks together to make a splint. He had discovered at least five broken bones two of which were fractured, mercifully none life threatening.

He had kept Naruto on the floor with ice packs on various area's of the small boy's body.

Currently Naruto was unconscious, not that Deidara couldn't blame him.

_People don't like me in the marketplace. Last time I was there a shop owner broke a glass bottle over my head then he and a couple of other's chased me out with knives._

Deidara didn't want to believe, but the truth of the matter was there; Naruto, despite his cheery disputation, was in hell. His life was a living hell.

_That's alright! I'm used to it!_

How long had he been living like this, if he could say that dismissively? After what he saw, he could now understand why he said he was used to nearly getting killed! If that was the norm, how the hell was this kid even alive still?

Sighing Deidara stared at his bloodied hands. _Why do I care? He's just my means of surviving this damn place, that's all. If he dies, I'm screwed. Nothing more._

Deidara checked Naruto over once more before getting up, washing his hands and getting out of his bloodied clothes (luckily there was another outfit about his size laying around) then putting high level traps on the door and windows. He wasn't going to risk the brat's safety by being careless.

After that Deidara sat next to the wound boy, keeping an eye on him as he half read one of the many first aid scrolls he 'librated' from the hospital.

* * *

Iwa Bunshin no Jutsu* = Rock clone Technique

Deidara is an interesting personality to try and keep in character. On one hand, he's shown himself to be quite reliable and occasionally even respectful; on the other, he's a tad unstable (suicide in the name of art comes to mind). He's brilliant in combat, utilizing ruthless and sometimes ignominious tactics to gain the advantage. His actions during his battle with Gaara indicated this very strongly: at one point, he nearly destroyed all of Sunagakure, and after the battle he called Gaara foolish for sacrificing himself to save the village at that point. Deidara's interactions with Tobi have also shown him to have something of a short temper.

So it's both hard and fun to try and keep him in character without making him angst (I did try to keep Itachi in character too, but his like the hardest person to write) yet still interacts with Naruto in a believable manner. Hopefully I succeeded.

It was really difficult to write that part with Naruto and the mob, because I hate child abuse, so my roommate had to helped me write it out (actually she wrote nearly the whole part with the injured Naruto; I got to kill the eight guys *grins evilly*). Thanks Amy.

SAND SHARKS! SAND SHARKS ARE GONNA EAT YOU IF YOU DON'T REVIEW!

PD


	7. Medical Tips

**My Wish Order Brother**

Author: PiperDreamer

Rating: Rated: M

Genre: General, AU

edited: 03/20/12

* * *

**Chapter 7: Medical Tips**

* * *

Deidara stared at a paperback pocket book. It was old and worn out, duck tape holding the binds together, some of the yellowing pages about ready to fall out. The cover simply said, in a sloppy hand-writing: _Happy Times._

He stared at long and hard as though it contained the answers to all his problems.

It was the last treasure he had from Iwa, memories of better times.

Sighing he placed it in his lap, careful not to damage it any further as he glared at the frog looking clock on the wall.

It was 2 o'clock in the morning and Deidara had finished four of the thirteen books he had bought the previous day (twenty if you included the two anarchy books and five he stole from the hospital, most of which he wrote in). He was tired, restless about the well being of his life support (A.K.A., Naruto) and fed up with this village!

He hadn't been here for more then a week and he was already fantasizing just how to blow everything up!

The weather here was too moist and muggy for his taste, the land too green, and trees! They were everywhere!

He was use to the dry air, scarce trees and browning grasses of the rough terrain that was called the badlands, and why wouldn't he? He lived there all his life!

_I just couldn't have gotten snagged in Suna, could I? At least the weather would have been tolerable!_

He thought miserably as he wistfully imagined the rugged terrain of Iwa.

_I'm a harden__Tokubetsu Jounin, I've killed people in the name of duty, treason and fun. We am NOT feeling home sick!_ That stern cold voice hissed, just before that childish voice started to wail, _I WANNA GO HOME!_

Deidara and the stern cold one mentally bashed the childish one into silence.

_Wow, I'm really crazy, aren't I?_ He thought, not really surprised by this revelation.

Back at the topic at hand though, he could learn to deal with the weather, and stand the over abundant color of green and suffocating amount of trees.

And up till yesterday he was pretty sure he could tolerate the people of this place, but after what he witnessed, he'd be quite proud of his self-restraint if he did not to blow them up by dawn.

Deidara looked over at Naruto, relieved that his breathing was normal again, though it did sound a bit haggard.

_What kind of people does this to their own kind, un?_ Deidara thought angrily.

_The same kind back in Iwa,_ his colder side said.

Deidara stilled at this. It was hard to fathom someone else who understood that corrosive kind of pain.

Spotting a soaking bandage on the brat's arm (it was seeping blood into the carpet) he removed the bloody bandage, revealing a mangled looking arm. Reaching for the bottle of vodka he took on his way back here, he gently poured the highly alcoholic drink on the boy's arm.

A pained hiss escaped Naruto's lips as Deidara stared at the gory mess. He would have preferred some antibiotic ointments to keep the wounds clean but he didn't have that so he made due with what he could get his hands on.

Cleaning the mess up, he stared at the wound for a moment before wrapping it up with newer bandages.

Was it just him or had that wound gotten smaller? Chalking it up as sleep deprived imagination he finished with the make-shift bandage.

He sighed. All this thinking was getting him worked up. He needed to blow something up.

He stood for a minute before a crippling pain washed over him, sending him back down.

_Oh damnit!_ Deidara thought as he finally noticed just how much in pain he was in as he broke out into cold sweat.

His chakra was like a double-edged sword; due to his blood limit his chakra had many different chemical substances in it that made his artwork possible but also made him quite literally a walking bomb. Many of his relatives during the war had detonated themselves simply by feeding the mouth on their chests some substances that worked like a bind between chakra and body to ensure the maximum amount of destruction.

You didn't need to be a genius to understand why his clan was named 'Jibaku'.

But in its pure form it had powerful acidic abilities and could factually burn through ones flesh. But this didn't just affect his targets; it affected him too but on a lesser scale.

Looking at his hands he saw that they were bright red with irritation, the teeth of his hand-mouths grinding together in pain, the mouth in his chest pulling against its stitches.

It was at times like this that he cursed his heritage. Though he was a Jibaku, he was as they say only half.

Children who had only one Kekkei genkai parent often suffered from side affects. In his case, the unadulterated form of the chakra had no effect on pure Jibaku's like his father; but because of his dear mother not being apart of the clan, Deidara had only a quarter of that immunity, meaning though it couldn't kill him, it did hurt like hell and threw his chakra control off terribly.

He struggled into a quasi-comfortable position, stashing his booklet under the couch before forcing himself to sleep. If he was lucky the irritation would be gone by the time he woke up.

Before his will-induced sleep though he stole one last look at the whiskered boy in front of him.

_You better not die Fishcake._

* * *

Naruto opened his groggy eyes as he mentally cursed the bright sunlight seeping through the window as he tried to recall why he felt like crap.

_Ug, I feel like I've been beaten with a shovel, a meat tenderizer and a baseball bat._ Naruto thought, not realizing just how accurate he was.

The first thing he noticed was the off-white ceiling of his apartment. How did he get here? Sitting up, Naruto saw that there was what looked like bloodied clothes, bandages, a half empty bottle of alcohol and nearly his entire chopstick collection were sprawled out on the floor around him.

_Where did all this come from? Why am I on the floor? And why is it hard to move?_ Naruto thought as he looked down.

He was covered in bandages, others more bloodied them some and if he wasn't mistaken his chopsticks were being used as splints.

Naruto's eyes widened at the sight. _Someone… took care of me?_

A painful groan caused Naruto to whip his head to his left, making him wince slightly at the abrupt movement.

Deidara was only a few feet away from him, apparently deep in a restless sleep.

Then the memory of the incident rushed Naruto's mind.

_A couple of men spotting him and accusing him of theft because of the bags of food near him so he ran. The two men gave chase and soon other men followed suit. After what felt like hours Naruto's luck ran out as he tripped and fell, quickly being surrounded by a mob of angry men._

_Then the beatings came. He knew they would, they always came whenever he got caught by their normally bogus charges, but he dreaded them all the same._

_He shivered upon recalling hearing his bones break again. He normally had at least two broken bones during those beatings, and despite how painful they were hearing them break made him want to puke (which on some cases he did)._

_But then the beating abruptly stopped. Wondering what force had stopped them he managed to open a eye._

_Standing there was a shell shocked Deidara, looking as though he had just witnessed murder._

_Naruto reached out to the older boy. He was ashamed for Deidara to see him like this while at the same time happy to see a friendly face._

"_Nii-san.." Naruto gasped._

_Then a man pulled Deidara away from him, telling Deidara him that Naruto was a monster._

_No, I'm not._ _Naruto thought hearing the man._

_I'm not a monster!_

_The man was quickly joined by the other men._

_Don't listen to them! It's not true!_

_Naruto looked pleadingly at his brother._

_Please, don't believe them! Nii-san!_

_The men's cruel words had hurt almost as bad as their beatings._

_Please…Don't abandon me!_

_Naruto vision faded at that point._

_Nii-san…I don't want to be alone anymore…_

_Then his world went black._

Naruto gently took off the bandages one by one, checking for a wound under them and as he expected found nothing.

He was perfectly healed, like always. He supposed that his unusual healing rate was the main factor for why he wasn't dead yet, not that he was complaining.

Naruto scooted over to where Deidara slept, carefully looking him over.

_Deidara Nii-san, you didn't abandon me._ Naruto thought, a real smile gracing his face.

_Thank you._

He gently touched Deidara's arm and frowned. _Big Brother is way too warm for it to be normal. And come to think about, why is he so…raw looking?_

True Deidara did look raw, his skin an angry red as a sheen of sweat covered him as he twitched every few minutes as though in pain.

_Is Nii-san sick? Does he have a fever?_ Naruto was now worried.

Getting sick in this side of town was hazardous to one's life.

It wasn't that long ago that he saw a boy a little older then Deidara that had lived around the area had caught a cold. He died four days later. Naruto knew this to be true; he had watched the boy take (as many ninja called it) his terminal breath. Then he waited nearly two days before taking the boy's corpse to the woods and after finding a quiet little place buried him there.

With that fact firmly in place he moved Deidara into a laying situation as he ran into the kitchen for ice.

After he returned he placed the icepack on the older boy's forehead as well on his limbs and chest.

Naruto felt a wave of panic as he watched his brother. Naruto had never gotten sick so he didn't know how to treat an illness.

_Will that help? Am I doing it wrong? He's not gonna die is he?_

As Naruto's thought became more frantic his hand brushed against something. Looking down he saw the pile of books from earlier.

Near the top of one was a scroll; _Convoluted Forms on the Chakra Works of the Gifted Apprentice__Iryō-nins._

"What's this?" Naruto said as he grabbed the scroll, clearly not understanding the title. Then he caught the writing underneath the title; it looked as though someone had written it there if the neat handwriting was anything to go by. It said:

_Or in other words, Crash course for dumb Wanna-be Medic-nins too stupid to understand the basics of non-chakra first aid, un._

Un? Didn't Deidara end some of his sentences with that?

Naruto unrolled the scroll and began to read. Most of it went over his head but then Deidara's neat hand written notes or comments made it clear or just let him know how to do it the non-chakra way.

It started with basic things before moving on to more painful stuff.

Scraps? _Put a Band-Aid on it, wuss_.

Bruises? _Apply ice to get the swelling down, you retard._

Limb gets chopped off? _Stop the bleeding by tying a cord around the decapitated area, attempt to think straight and then calmly get your arse to the nearest experienced medic possible, un. If you don't find a medic and is feeling light headed from blood loss, find a brander (or just heat up a kunai till its red) then brand the wound shut. Hurts like hell but gets the job done, un. Only do the branding bit if your dying, a masochist or have gone crazy from the pain, un._

There had been more, and had Naruto been more knowledgeable with medicine he would have been appalled by the sheer pain of some of those instruction his brother wrote, but since he was ignorant he was just fascinated.

_Man you havta be one tough guy to do some of this stuff!_

Why didn't they just teach it like his brother wrote it? It saves time, energy and lives!

But then again, this was for medin-nin students; maybe they needed to be taken in baby steps?

Looking over to Deidara he was relieved to see his skin wasn't a blazing red anymore. Still red, but not as badly.

Naruto then sweatdropped when he noticed that the ice packs he had placed were completely melted, a hissing noise becoming present as steam seemed to rise.

Whoa, Deidara was worse than he thought!

_What am I suppose to do? The ice is all gone!_ Naruto mentally wailed before remembering something Deidara wrote.

_If their massively scalded, dump them in a tub full of cold water._

Was Deidara scalded? Looking over the older boy, Naruto theorized that he must have been since his skin was still very red and thus must be scalded (never mind the fact Deidara had written that instruction for large sunburns).

Dragging Deidara to the bathroom Naruto filled it full of the coldest water he could.

Then after much heaving on Naruto's part he managed to lift Deidara up enough to drop into the tub.

**KER-SPLUNK**

_Blub…blub…blub…_

Naruto watched as the bubbles rose to the surface, getting even more worried that Deidara wasn't getting up after 15 seconds.

_Blub…blub…blu-ph-h-p-p-p-p-! Blubblublblubblublublub!_

A second later Deidara sat up, launching water everywhere, soaking Naruto as he sputtered, coughed and hacked up the water.

Naruto, despite now being thoroughly drench, smiled in relief.

"Nii-san, you're alive!"

* * *

Poor Naruto, he tries so hard to be a good brother!

I wanted to keep Naruto mostly in character, yet still make him smarter then most give him credit for, which is hard since I'm also trying to keep him innocent (or ignorant) without making him a total idiot.

Also Deidara is going to have a significant amount of sway on Naruto (as will Naruto on Deidara), so even though Naruto will change, I don't want him or Deidara to do so drastically.

It's harder then it sounds. TT^TT

Thanks all once more for reading!

Naruto: Next time on My Wish-order Brother!

Deidara: Where'd you get that microphone?

Naruto: I stole it from some stage I blew up.

Hana: Wow Dei-kun; you're a bad influence.

Deidara: Am not!

Naruto: Anywhys! What is Deidara's reaction going to be? Will the Old Man ever find out who's behind these terrorist attacks?

Deidara: *whispers* Let's hope not.

Naruto: Will the Uchiha's play an important roll? Will Kiba find out his crushing on a guy? ARE THE SAND SHARKS COMING?

Hana: Yes they are.

Deidara: In fact there's one right behind you.

(Naruto turns around, coming face to face with Kisame) Naruto: AAAAAAAAUUUUUUGGGHHHHHH!

Deidara: Stay tuned!

Hana: *Sigh* I'm going home.

Review!

PD


	8. Hands on

**My Wish Order Brother**

Author: PiperDreamer

Rating: Rated: M

Genre: General, AU

edited: 03/20/12

* * *

**Chapter 8: Hands on**

* * *

_He trembled in fear, burying his head further into his mother's bosom, her frantic heartbeat beating so quickly he couldn't tell one beat from the next as she held him close to her._

_They were hiding in a ruined building; his mother had told him it might discourage people from coming if the roof looked ready to fall at any time._

_Outside he could hear the explosions made by his clan, the clashing of kunais, the terrain altering jutsu's distorting as it caused the ground vibrate._

_The nearly four year old had heard once when he was listening to his parents describe what war was. Now he knew just how true they were._

_Then a ninja crashed through the weakened support beam next to them. It was a Grass-nin._

_Before he could scream, his mother had picked him up and ran out the back, just before the building collapsed but she kept running, fear motivating her to run faster._

_She stopped behind a crumbling wall near an empty barrel, her grip on him hurts but he was too scared to really notice._

_She peered around the corner, then quickly pulled back, fear showing in her eyes. A moment later he heard the cause of her refreshed fear._

"_Man, those damn Jibaku's are nuts! What sane person blows himself up?"_

"_How should I know? Come on, before we run into another one of those exploding freaks."_

_The child could hear them getting closer, his heart felt close to bursting from the terror._

_Then his mother placed him down in the barrel, throwing the shawl she had been wearing on top._

"_Honey, stay here, don't leave until I or your Daddy comes to get you okay yeah? And don't make any noises." She whispered, her beautiful hazel eyes watering as she smiled lovingly at him._

_Then she leaned forward kissing him on the forehead._

"_I love you Deidara, yeah." He barely heard her before she covered his head._

_He looked through a large hole in the barrel, watching as his mother stood shaking next to the entrance of the wall, the voices getting louder._

_Then two shinobi's walked into view, his mother turned and ran from the direction the duo had come from._

"_Behind us?"_

"_It's the enemy!"_

_The men threw kunai's, but cursed when they apparently missed but the boy wasn't sure._

"_Get 'im! He might try to get reinforcement!"_

_Deidara watched in dread as they turned around and gave chase to his mother, who had successfully led the dangerous men away from him._

* * *

It took a grand total of five seconds for Deidara to wake up from his nightmare, four seconds to realize he wasn't breathing and another six seconds to figure out he was underwater.

And only half a second to freak out.

Springing forward Deidara then gave a gracious donation to the god of spit-take as he spewed water everywhere.

_WHAT THE HELL?_ Deidara thought as he regained his breath. His face was covered by his long hair, hiding his view but it didn't dampen his hearing.

_Who's the (BLEEP) with the death wish?_ Deidara shrieked lividly in his mind, his cold side promising a slow painful death as the chilish one kept screaming of doing unmentionable horrors on the poor soul, involving duck tape, laxatives, a corkscrew and a spork.

"Nii-san, you're alive!"

The voice's and Deidara's murderous thoughts derailed right then and there upon hearing the high pitched but none the less happy child voice.

Deidara, very slowly and very deliberately, parted his hair out of his eyes, not believing what he saw.

There kneeled next to the tub was a completely healed, non-bloodied or dying Naruto.

Deidara practically felt his brain hiccup, fart and sputter. At the same time.

"Nii-san, are you okay? You look like you've just seen a ghost." Naruto said, tilting his head to the side.

Deidara somehow found his voice. "How are you even moving, un?"

"Huh?" came Naruto eloquent response, not understanding what Deidara meant.

"You were practically dead! I patched you up! I saw the wounds! You had broken bones, torn muscles, blood loss and welts!"

Understanding flooded through Naruto as he smiled. "Oh that! That always happen; I get a good night sleep and is fine in the morning!"

Deidara stared at the smiling boy, disbelief evident in his sky blues.

"You could have died from those wounds!"

"Really? I thought the beating wasn't nearly as bad as last time."

"LAST time? As in this happen before?"

Naruto didn't understand why his brother was getting so worked up about it. "Well yeah, about once a week."

"…Once. A. Week. You are nearly killed in cold blood, _once every fucking week?_" Deidara said, rage and disbelief dripping from every syllable.

What the hell was wrong with this village? Or better yet, WHY wasn't this kid a nervous paranoid mess?

"How long has this been going on? Why are they trying to kill you, un?" Deidara demanded as he shook water everywhere.

_I'm going to have to clean this up later,_ Naruto thought absently as he answered nonchalantly, "They've always tried to kill me, for as long as I can remember. Usually the guys in mask stop it before it goes too far. I have no idea why other villagers act the way they do, I just figured it's because I'm an orphan but I could be wrong."

Deidara stared at the boy who was a just over three years his junior talk about his assassination attempts as casually as one would about the weather.

_I've met grown men who lived on a battle field who weren't this flippant about it. Isn't Fishcake afraid of dying?_

"Oh! Nii-san your color is normal! You can get out of the tub now!" Naruto said cheerfully.

Deidara then noticed just how cold the water was. He was freezing.

Seeing his questioning look, Naruto explained. "You were burning up so I took one of your medical tips and dump you in cold water, and it worked!"

_I don't remember writing down in the scroll how to drown someone as a remedy,_ Deidara thought irritated.

Though part of him wondered; why were people trying to hurt Naruto? How could he heal so fast?

* * *

Ino stared at her mother, clearly thinking it wasn't fair that she couldn't go outside to play but her mother had insisted that she stay in today to help with the Flower Shop.

So far they hadn't had a costumer yet today and it was already 10 o'clock in the morning.

_I'm boooored._ The little girl thought.

Kumiko looked down at her daughter as the six year old began to drift of to LaLa Land. She really wanted to let the girl out to play but the attacks had made that impossible.

She didn't go anywhere without a weapons pouch strapped to her anymore.

Families were terrified to go anywhere, fearing they might be caught in the next bombing.

Her dear Inochi was working himself ragged trying to find the culprits.

And the Hokage when she last saw him looked ready to murder someone, poor man.

The bell on the door rung, telling her they had a customer.

A woman walked in slowly wearing a long skirt that came to her ankles and a long sleeved shirt, her white hair hiding most of her face, her head lowered.

"Welcome to Yamanaka flower shop, how may I help you?" Kumiko said automatically.

The woman lowered her head down as her white bangs hide her eyes, she looked at the flowers before saying barely audible, "N-nothi-ing, j-just l-look-k-king th-through."

Kumiko frowned slightly at the stuttering woman.

The woman seemed to keep to herself as though drawing attention would prove harmful to her.

The door once more opened, and Kumiko smiled at the familiar face.

"Yoshino! How are you?"

The two mothers had made a play date for the children, Yoshino wanting to have another woman to talk to and Kumiko wanting to play matchmaker with their kids.

Yoshino walked over to her long time friend, the boy next to her giving a long suffering look.

"Ah, I see you brought along little Shikamaru! How you doing Shika-kun? Planning to marry my little Ino soon?"

The boy gave her a deadpanned look that said 'you don't give up, do you?' but answered verbally anyway.

"No, she's got coodies." Then he mumbled, "And she's a howling witch, just like her mother." The last of that had to be mumbled out for fear of receiving the wrath of both women. He had seen what they could do, and what his and Ino's father became afterwards.

He could honestly say that those full body cast looked quite uncomfortable.

"Don't mind him; Shika's been moody since we couldn't go out to the park today."

"Yeah, poor Ino has been bored out of her mind! I wish they could catch those terrorists, we'd all be able to sleep safely again."

"My lazy yob of a husband of mine is _actually_ working his head off trying to find these monsters!"

"Oh be nice to Shikaku! He and Inochi as well as many other smart ninja's are all doing their best; we should cut them some slack."

"That aside," Yoshino ignoring the whole cut-her-husband-some-slack idea, "Is there any clues? These attacks seem, well, random. Do we even have an idea who's attacking?"

"No body seems to know," Kumiko said, being one of the biggest gossip hounds in all of Konaha, meaning she heard dang near every rumor within the walls of the village.

"Some say its Grass-nins, others say it's a group of rogue terrorists and I even heard that it's possible that the Jibaku's are responsible!"

Yoshino snorted unwomanly like.

"The Jibaku clan is dead. They were wiped out during the last war."

"Yeah, but maybe-"

"Kumiko," Yoshino said in a tone that told Kumiko that she should not have pressed, "The Fourth Hokage had witnessed himself when the last Jibaku drew his terminal breath, and quite frankly they can stay dead, the murdering bastards." Yoshino whispered, trembling slightly.

Kumiko mentally smacked herself. Yoshino's brother had been killed by a member of the Jibaku clan, and though Yoshino was glad he had been avenged, she would always hate that clan, living or not.

Kumiko looked for something, anything to change the suddenly dreary atmosphere when she spotted the two kids talking to the white haired woman, or trying to anyway. The woman seemed a bit overwhelmed by the children's closeness, stuttering worse then she was moments ago.

"Kids! Don't bother the customers!"

The two six-year olds sulked back to their mothers, bored once more.

"Kids, why don't you go play upstairs for a while? We're having a grown up talk."

Rather then stay around and listen to the ladies gossip the children rushed up the stairs, Shikamaru being the first to reach the top. It just goes to show that there are ways to motivate a Nara.

The white haired lady walked quietly but hesitantly towards them, as though afraid of the repercussions if she interrupted.

"Hello, how can I help you?" Kumiko said with a warm smile, Yoshino watching.

"I-I, um, w-would-d l-like t-to b-buy th-this flow-w-wer, p-ple-ease." She stuttered, holding up a single daffodil in a slightly shaky hand.

_Can't you say anything without stuttering?_ Kumiko thought, annoyed at the woman's speech impediment.

Kumiko kept the smile plastered to her face as she rung up the total. Her smile slip slightly when she saw bandages under the white haired woman's sleeve, a bruise showing through the poorly rapped coverings.

"Your total is-" Kumiko stopped for a moment, seeing the woman's face through her white curtain of hair.

She was very pretty, looking a little younger then herself, pale ivory skin and unblinking emerald eyes.

"-45 yen." Kumiko finished quickly, talking the woman's money quickly and just as quickly gave her change and flower.

"T-hank-k y-you." And the civilian left just as quietly as she came.

It was a couple of minutes before the two kunoichi's looked at one another.

"You saw the bandages right?" Yoshino said, looking rather miffed.

"Yeah. The way she carried herself says that she has low self-esteem, and the fact she jumped and flinched every time the kids got too close says she is more then likely used as a punching bag more often then not. She seems afraid to speak unless spoken to first. She must have recently been hurt; she had a slight limp and was favoring her left side more."

"Abusive relationship?"

"Looks like it. Any idea who that was?"

"Not a clue."

Meanwhile upstairs, Ino watched as the lady who she had bugged earlier walk away, looking to the little blonde girl like a kicked puppy.

"Hey Shikamaru, what did that lady say her name was again?" Ino asked the lazy boy next to her.

"I think she said it was Haruno Yukika, I wasn't sure with all that stuttering."

Ino continued to stare at the lovely lady as she slowly disappeared into the distance. It wasn't hard to keep watch on her, the road was practically empty.

Why couldn't she go outside? Was it about this terrorist thingy her mommy was talking about? Were they bad?

Getting up she walked out of the room and to the stairs.

"Mama, can Shikamaru and I go to the park now?" She called from the top of the stairs.

"Honey, you and Shika-kun can't go because we mommies are very busy." Her mother called back.

"Can we go by ourselves then?"

"No Ino, you can't go by yourselves. Maybe if you had a big sister or brother I might have let you. Now go play sweetie."

Ino pouted. _It wasn't fair!_ Stomping back to her room, she flopped next to a dozing Shikamaru.

_I wish I had a big sister or brother._ Ino thought miserably.

Then Ino brightened. That's it! She just needed to find an older sibling! If she had one of those her Kaa-san was sure to let them go anywhere!

Ino began to imagine what her older sister and brother might look like.

She imagined a beautiful blonde fashion modal for the sister and a blonde gorgeously handsome prince charming for a brother.

She giggled insanely she imagine her perfect older siblings, causing Shikamaru to crack one eye open and subtly scoot away from the fantasizing girl.

_And I'll be stuck with this for the whole day? What a drag._

* * *

Naruto stared at the dishes in front of him, his mouth watering.

After Deidara had dried off and got changed into dry clothes and cleaned up the living room, the older boy had made breakfast.

Naruto couldn't remember the last time he had a breakfast that didn't consist of ramen, or a breakfast this nice looking or smelling!

Deidara sat on the other side of the small table, looking at the meal he prepared.

It was rice rolled in soy sauce dipped nori, miso soup and eggs on the side. Simple but filling.

Gesturing to Naruto Deidara said passively, "Dig in."

Naruto took a bit out of everything, his taste buds practically singing.

_Man, my brother is gonna make some girl happy._ That thought made Naruto freeze.

_If brother got a girlfriend, would he leave me?_ Naruto glared.

That decided it then; Deidara was never getting a girlfriend! Not if he could help it! No floozy was going to steal his brother away!

"Fishcake, if it tastes that bad, don't eat it." Deidara said, staring at him in a funny way.

Naruto looked at Deidara with wide eyes before waving his arms in the air, shaking his head wildly.

"Nonononono! I just had a bad thought! The foods good! I've never tasted anything this good before, well except at Ichiraku's but this is a lot better!"

Deidara stared for a moment, before chuckling. Naruto stop when he heard it.

It didn't sound like it belonged to a ten year old yet now after hearing it, he couldn't imagine it from anyone else. It was an odd sound though, like a noxious yet joking chortle wrapped in one.

Deidara stop after a few minutes of contained laughter went back to eating.

"Since I made breakfast, you get to do the dishes." Deidara said. _That and I don't want to taste soap._ _Yuck._

Naruto, as though he read his thoughts, said, "Do I havta do it because of your hand-mouths?"

Deidara froze, slowly looking up from his bowl.

_H-how? How did this malnourished, pint-sized walking disaster magnet find out about these?_

Deidara thought franticly, staring at his gloved hands.

Naruto wasn't sure why but Deidara expression had turned painfully blank.

"Nii-san? Did I say something wrong?" Naruto said, worried he upset his brother somehow.

"Naruto," Deidara tone was neutral, and as Naruto focused on the older face impassive face the whiskered child didn't see Deidara ungloved one hand, casually putting it in the clay pouch.

"How do you know about my hands?"

Not seeing the problem Naruto answered. "When I first wish-ordered for you I had taken you to our apartment, you were out cold. I heard some old ladies say that holding a family members hand help them get better faster, so I held your hand and found your really cool hand-mouths. Can you breathe with them? Or talk with them? How do they work?"

Deidara expression changed to one of shock, as though Naruto had told him something unbelievable.

"…you…think their cool? Un?" Deidara said in a dazed voice.

Naruto smiled. "Yeah! Who wouldn't?"

Deidara continued to stare at Naruto, though he did remove his hand from the pouch.

_Nobody's ever liked them before. Everybody said they were freaky, unnatural. Heck, Kurotsuchi flinches every time she sees them. But this pipsqueak thinks their cool._

"Hey Nii-san! Do you think I'll get them? That be so awesome! Then you and I could, we could…hey Big Brother, what do you use them for?"

If art wasn't practically engrained into Deidara's thought process he probably would of continued to stare at the younger boy.

A small smile found its way onto Deidara's face. "You use them for art."

Naruto's face scrunched up into confusion. "Art? How?"

Digging into his pouch again Deidara pulled his hand back out hesitantly showing his mouth that was currently chewing on clay. A moment later a small bird popped out of the mouth.

Deidara's smile grew upon seeing Naruto's face. The tiny bird flew towards Naruto who slowly held his hands out where the birds landed.

The smaller boy looked on in awe, watching the clay bird act and move like any other bird he had ever seen.

"This is amazing Nii-san." Naruto said as he marveled at the realistic bird.

"You haven't seen anything yet," Deidara said. The bird flew out of Naruto's hands and circled the room twice then Deidara formed his hand into the ram sign.

"Katsu!" Deidara spoke and the bird exploded. It wasn't a big explosion, rather pathetic in his opinion as it had no more power then a firecracker but Naruto's face was worth it.

"THAT'S SO COOL! Nii-san, teach me! Teach me!" Naruto said looking like a child getting a present they always wanted.

Deidara's face split into a real smile. One he couldn't last recall having.

He had planned to cut his loses and blow the place up with the kid in it, and then take out the Hokage's Tower along with anything else that would make a good distraction as he beelined it to the gates and borders.

If the kid was dead he wouldn't be able to tell anyone anything. Despite Deidara feeling bad for the way the smaller boy was being treated by the village, he could always tell himself that he had ended the kids suffering by blowing him up with his artwork.

But then Naruto said his hands were cool, something no one ever said before.

He had found out about his hands, and still held them. Even his own uncle didn't touch his hands unless they were covered.

He saw his artwork and loved it where most people either hated it or feared it.

And what more, Naruto wanted to have them too. He didn't freak out or hated him and avoided him like the plague. He treated him like a human being.

The small whiskered boy accepted him and his Kekkei genkai.

For that he would let the kid live, if only to show him more art.

"Deidara-Nii! What do you think the old man gonna say when I tell him?"

Deidara was brought out of his mental musings upon hearing that.

Reaching across the table, Deidara grabbed Naruto by the shoulder and roughly shook him.

"Nii-san, why'd you do that for?"

"Naruto, listen to me. You can't tell anybody about my hands or art. Ever."

"What? Why not?"

"Because Naruto, if they hear about my hands or art, they'll take me away and you'll never see me again un."

Deidara knew it was an underhanded thing to play on ones fears but he really didn't care, he'd do it again if necessary.

At the thought of never seeing his brother again Naruto swore he would never mention it ever again unless Deidara brought it up first.

"Great! Now do the dishes!" Deidara said gleefully. He really was enjoying the whole Big Brother thing a little too much.

Naruto groaned at the thought of doing the unwanted task of dishes.

* * *

Sarutobi wanted so badly to use a katon on the embodiment of all evil (preferably the Goukakyuu no Jutsu, that one was destructive enough) and destroy the foul creature once and for all!

Unfortunately the council would just make more paperwork, copy of the paperwork and re-copy it once more just to be sure, and his aide would be the first Chunin in history to kill a Kage by drowning said Kage in his morning tea.

Deciding to take a break (and to prevent a possible attempt on his life, which would make _more_ paperwork) the Third decided to pay Naruto a visit. He was beginning to worry about the boy; the ANBU that normally tailed the boy had been recalled in the aftershow of the bombings, leaving the boy unprotected. Naruto normally visited everyday without miss but ever since this whole terrorist problem he hadn't seen the blonde in nearly a week.

It was a possibly that the boy was sent away by the secretary. He did say he didn't want any visits from anyone. Maybe he should exempt Naruto.

Walking out the office Sarutobi made his way to the home of the boy he saw as a grandson, wishing he could do more for the boy.

He really didn't want Naruto anywhere near the grungier side of the village, unfortunately he had come to find out that it was far safer there then anywhere else. Maybe he should put the boy on the outer corner of the village, away from everyone else? Tucked away in the forest with only him and a selected few knowing where?

He passed into the worse side of the village: the side that got hit during the Kyuubi's attack.

Strange how Naruto was safer here, right in the ruins of the attack then any other part of his village.

Finding the right apartment he went to the fifth floor or as he like to call it, Naruto's floor. Nobody lived on the fourth of fifth (minusing Naruto) and Sarutobi was the only one who knew that Naruto lived in a different apartment.

Walking up to the fourth door on the left and knocked.

The door opened and Sarutobi blinked.

Naruto was not the one who answered the door.

It was a blonde girl who had gone ghastly pale upon seeing him, her sky blues widening.

The two stood there, the Hokage smiling grandfatherly (though he was a bit confused as to why a girl was here) and the girl looking as though she had seen death. Was she ill? She was swaying a bit.

"Hey Deidara, who's at the do- Old Man!"

Naruto came into view as he tackled the elderly man in a surprisingly strong hug.

Both somehow missed the choking sounds being emitted by the second oldest child present.

* * *

If your confused with Deidara's versatile view on Naruto, please understand:

Deidara has been backstabbed and hurt in the past by someone he trusted (it'll be revealed later) so even though he can relate to Naruto, he doesn't fully trust him. Not yet anyways.

And here's the word of the Day!

Nori=dried seaweed. Dipped a strip of nori in soy sauce and roll some rice with it and eaten. Not bad actually.

Thanks all once more for reading!

Itachi: Next in My Wish order Brother.

Deidara: Why are you here?

Itachi: Because I didn't show in this or the last chapter.

Deidara: So? Your not one of the main characters! I am! Un!

Itachi: Hn.

Deidara: Un.

Itachi: Hn.

Deidara: Un.

Itachi: Hn.

Deidara: Un.

Itachi: Hn!

Deidara: Un!

Itachi: HN!

Deidara: UN!

(Swipes microphone from Itachi) PD: If you guys are done with your speech impediment contest I'll continue.

(Gets evil glares from Deidara and Itachi)

PD: Um, yeah, heh heh. Next up! Meeting between Deidara and the Hokage! Will Deidara remain undiscovered?

(Itachi holding up sign that reads '**HOKAGE-SAMA, DEIDARA IS THE REASON YOUR PAPERWORK KEEPS GROWING**'.)

Sarutobi: WHAT?

Deidara: Oh shit.

PD: Anyways! Enjoy and review!

PD


	9. The Tamer of Paperwork

**My Wish Order Brother**

Author: PiperDreamer

Rating: Rated: M

Genre: General, AU

edited: 03/27/12

* * *

**Chapter 9: The Tamer of Paperwork**

* * *

Deidara wondered vaguely if your life is suppose to flash before your eyes when seeing the Shinigami who just happen to look like a elderly man dressed in Kage robes and smoking a pipe.

Deidara had been sitting at the kitchen table watching in bemusement at the griping Naruto while he finished the dishes when he had heard the knock at the door.

Despite his currently low chakra he had sent out a very thin amount of chakra, revealing that the one at the door was a ninja and a strong one at that. He quickly unsealed the window for a quick getaway should things come down to blows before cautiously coming to the door, unsealed it then gingerly opened it.

You can imagine the poor boy's shock and fear when the leader of the village he was hiding in (and terrorizing) was what greeted him at the door.

_Oh Kami un. I'm gonna die. He found me out and has come to kill me himself. He's gonna put me through the most torturous, agonizing, humiliating death in all of histo-_

"Hey Deidara, who's at the do- Old Man!" Naruto's voice broke him out of the gruesome mindset for a moment but putting it back into shock upon seeing Naruto HUGGING said leader.

Old man? This was the old man? Naruto was talking about the Hokage the whole time?

Deidara unintentionally choked on his saliva.

"Naruto," the kind voice of the Hokage said, "I've missed your visits."

"Ah, Old Man! I've been busy! Oh! Deidara-Nii-san! This is the Old Man I was telling you about! He's the Hokage!"

The Hokage smiled endearingly at the paling boy, holding out a hand. "Sarutobi Hiruzen. Pleasure to meet you."

"D-Deidara." His voice came out a little too high pitched but he really didn't care at the moment.

Naruto looked back at Deidara, his happy face quickly turning to one of concern as he unlatched himself from the elderly man and gently grabbed Deidara's arm.

"Big Brother, are you still feeling sick?"

Naruto's gentle touch brought him back to reality. _Snap out of it Deidara! You haven't been caught! Make something up! Quick before he does get suspicious!_

Smiling weakly he nodded to Naruto, missing the Hokage's surprised expression.

Walking Deidara to the kitchen table Naruto went to get a glass of water and the Hokage (much to Deidara's growing panic) sat across him. Soon Naruto was back with the water, which Deidara gladly gulped down, his mind working over time to come up with a good plan.

Naruto sat next to Deidara, smiling at the old man. "Deidara-Nii-san got sick last night, I guess he wasn't all the way better yet." Naruto finished before standing up and announcing that he was going to look for a sweater for his brother since the other blonde was shivering.

The Hokage nodded understandably before looking Deidara over once more.

Naruto had called him a brother thrice, meaning that either Naruto was greatly confused or the girly looking child next to him was really a boy.

Remembering how he had mistaken the Uchiha prodigy for a girl more then once, Sarutobi could understand how embarrassing that was.

But why was the child here anyway?

Deidara, as though reading the elder man thoughts smiled brightly.

"I did live in the Tarpon Orphanage till…recently." Deidara then gave what he hoped was a sad look, the kind that you associated with bad memories.

Sarutobi shifted a little. So the kid was one of the orphans that were now homeless thanks to the terrorist attacks.

After collecting all the information he could, Sarutobi had placed many of the children in foster homes, the ninja academy (one of the reasons there was no more school for the time being) and any other place he could find to house them.

"I-I remember an explosion and being thrown out the window by the blast then waking up in the living room. I'd probably be dead if it wasn't for Naruto. So I asked if I could stay here and he agreed." Deidara finished with a happy sort of smile.

Deidara really hoped the Hokage would buy his story; after all it did have some of the truth in it.

Sarutobi smiled grandfatherly at Deidara. It wasn't every day you met someone who wanted to be near Naruto, and though the boy was probably doing more because he felt indebted to the younger boy, it looked like Deidara had developed a soft spot for the little jinchuriki.

Deidara though had something else going through his mind entirely. Naruto was apparently the ward of the Hokage, meaning that if he played his cards right he might be able to worm his way into the geezer's heart and gain the man approval and find out info on this village.

Info on the village like oh say, the patrolling on the boarders or the wall and even any and all defenses that people would pay anything to get their hands on. Especially if the place had been weakened by a wayward Jibaku.

Though proficient at it, Deidara did not like spying. It felt cowardly. But if he were to live here, however briefly he would need an escape plan and money as well as get his act together. Besides, he only been here a week and he already hated it.

_Maybe I can take Naruto far away, like to Snow country and put him with a REAL family, one that can love and take care of him-_Naruto walked in, holding a old sweater, smiling brightly and looking straight at him with those big blue trusting eyes- _and won't hide secrets from him or use him for their own means._

Deidara smiled back at the smaller blonde though part of him felt weird, like his gut was twisting unpleasantly. Why was it doing that? Did he not cook the rice long enough or something?

Sarutobi looked at the boys. They really did in a way looked like brothers. Come to think of it, he really couldn't recall the last time Naruto looked so happy.

_It's a shame they can't be together,_ Sarutobi thought sadly. By law orphans had to have a legal guardian or caretaker, the only exception being Naruto who Sarutobi had written up as emancipation due to the numeral assassination attempts.

Just then Sarutobi had an epiphany. Deidara may still be a bit young but if he could play it just right, both boys would be free to stay together, and the council wouldn't be able to do squat.

"So Deidara," Sarutobi said in his grandfatherly way. "Have you gotten a revenue?"

Seeing the boy's questioning stare Sarutobi elaborated. "When the orphanages got destroyed I had to place children where ever I could find room. In those places I put annuity in order to provide for the children's welfare. But some of those children had called for emancipation, or in other words the rights and freedoms of a full grown adult, so long as someone takes responsibility for them. I have only agreed to these once, as long as the child lived with at least one other older person who would take the responsibility and had an income of sorts. Naruto," He waved his pipe towards the younger blonde, "has been emancipated but unfortunately he can never seem to keep a caretaker for long."

Deidara straightened up. He saw where this was going. The Hokage wanting someone there for Naruto. Deidara still didn't have much of a plan, plus he needed earnings of some sort.

Deidara also had a sneaky suspicion that the geezer knew about the attacks, hell the most probable reason to why Naruto had trouble keeping a caretaker was probably about they had all tried to kill him at one point or another.

Had Deidara known just how accurate that was he would have blown the village up, consequences be damned.

Giving the most interested look he could Deidara asked how he could go about this and getting a job.

Smiling Sarutobi complied, "Have you been talked to by a chuunin about paperwork? No? We can fix that. We need to create you an identity file and get you a worker's permit. Normally we just go to the orphanage but due to recent events your file had been destroyed so we'll need to go to the tower."

Deidara thought it over for a moment. Then he got on his feet. "So where's the Tower un?"

Sarutobi blinked. He had not expected Deidara to be so willing. Most of the children had major trust issues after the orphanage's attack which was understandable.

Most of those children had everything taken from them once and thanks to these attacks they just went through it again.

As they made their way to the Tower, Sarutobi studied Deidara.

The boy avoided being touched by everyone, but stood in between the people on the street and Naruto, glaring at anyone who got too close.

Despite the boy being friendly and even kind, Sarutobi couldn't help but feel wary, like he was handling a highly oscillating bomb with an oven mitt.

He could tell that the boy what he liked to call 'triggery'; one wrong move and he would explode.

He hadn't felt this cautious since after the kyuubi's attack, where practically everyone had held their breathe in fear of the demon coming back up after the Fourth had 'finished' it.

Reaching the Tower a little over a half hour later, Sarutobi brought them to his office.

Deidara and Naruto took one look at the desk and sweatdropped simultaneously.

"Wow Old Man, I don't think I have _ever_ seen your desk that full before!" Naruto said in awe, staring at the towers of paperwork standing there precariously, looking ready to tumble down.

"Yes well, the attacks have taken quite a toll on us all." Sarutobi said.

"Huh? What attacks?" Naruto asked, tilting his head to the side.

Sarutobi shook his head. Typical Naruto, wouldn't know if he walked in on a couple making out in front of him.

As Sarutobi explained the best way he could to Naruto, Deidara stared at the paperwork in silent horror.

_Oh shit __un! The curse followed me!_ Deidara thought franticly.

Deidara had somehow contracted a curse of sorts. His grand-uncle had restricted the boy to certain places within the Iwa village and kept the boy on a prolonged list of long term missions. Some thought he restricted the boy because he secretly blamed him for his beloved niece's death and then sent him on long term missions so he didn't have to see the boy.

They were so wrong on both accounts.

The reason he had limited Deidara within the village was because if he limited him the less paperwork he had to do. Deidara could walk into a public bathroom and somehow cause a butt load of paperwork.

And the long term missions? It kept Deidara out of the village, thus reduced the paperwork, and normally caused hell for some other country due to the curse being redirected else where, burying the leader of those lands in a sea of paperwork.

Strangely in some sort of sick twist of fate, Deidara was extraordinarily good at doing paperwork, and rarely ever got sick of it or wanting to destroy it.

Sarutobi carefully looked through the desk (or at least the part he could still find) for the right papers when his secretary walked in.

"Sir, the council has called a meeting and requested your presence there immediately."

Sarutobi glared slightly. He really didn't want to be anywhere near them at the moment. Looking at the clock on the wall he sighed. 10:47 o'clock in the morning, hopefully it wouldn't take too long. Turning to the two boys he smiled apologetically.

"I'm sorry but I have to leave now. Can you stay here for the time being? It shouldn't be long."

"Sure thing Gramps!" Naruto said happily, with Deidara nodding.

Sarutobi walked out the door before turning to his secretary. "No one enters. If I'm not back by noon, make sure the boys get something to eat. Hopefully this won't take long."

And with that the elderly man walked to the council room.

Back in the office Naruto stared at the pile again. "No wonder he looked so stressed; he's been doing paperwork the whole time!"

Poking the pile ever so lightly, the two boys watched as it toppled over onto Naruto, eliciting a frightened squeal from the younger boy.

Deidara sighed as he unearthed Naruto. The younger boy looked around the mess he had caused, worry filtering onto his face.

"Old Man's gonna be angry at me now! Paperwork is hard enough for him, now I messed it up! Nii-san, what am I gonna do?"

Deidara however wasn't listening. He was too busy reading over some paperwork on what the village 'needed'.

_Really, the Daimiyo's wife thinks they need to make the shinobi men more sex appealing? This is a ninja village, not a male strip club! Ag._

Finding a pen he wrote in big kanji's that said 'REJECT' over the paper.

"Um, Nii-san? Whatcha doing?" Naruto said, looking at his brother curiously.

Looking up Deidara smiled in what could have been labeled loving way if it wasn't for the twinkling evil look in his eyes.

"I'm going to teach you how to do the paperwork."

_And win the Hokage's approval while I'm at it._

* * *

_Six hours. Those arsetards kept me in there, for SIX HOURS! I could be trying to find the culprits instead of wasting my time discussing the probability of who the bastards are for like the twelfth time in the last three days!_ Sarutobi fumed as he marched back down the corridor to his office, one particular incidents replaying.

_He had lost feeling in his bum four hours ago, and could feel his patience practically ooze away from him._

_Looking around the room he could see he wasn't the only one who thought this was a complete waste of time._

_The Ino-Shika-Cho trio looked bored out of there minds (Inochi appeared to have be randomly switching minds with the flies buzzing around, Shikaku was half-sleeping with his eyes open again, and Choza was munching on a pencil tip), Tsume grumbled every few minutes, and he wasn't sure but looked like that even Shibi was getting bored by this pointless meeting._

_Hell even the Uchiha's and Hyuuga's looked ready to storm out the door at any second, or attack the elders of the council, namely his former teammates._

_He had for the most part just listened, gave his opinion when it was needed and reframed from callous remarks._

_Yes they agreed that there was a possibility that Grass was behind these attacks, yes they were apparently using some sort of geologically made bombs to attack and no they had no real way to prove this besides a bloody headband and some frightened peoples faulty accounts._

_He was about to adjourned the meeting when one person, a civilian councilmen said, "What if its not an outside attack? What if someone in the village was doing all this?"_

_That opened another can of worms, resulting in another two hour debate, and many fingers being pointed at seemingly random._

_Said same councilman then said, "I bet it's that demon child! He's the cause of all this! He should be put to death for terrorism!"_

_With those words the council suddenly went deathly quiet, a powerful killing intent being unleashed by the Hokage and surprisingly several ANBU's._

_"What makes you think that boy has anything to do with this?" Sarutobi seethed._

_"I have listened non-stop to you people come up with possible culprits, but so far that one is the faultiest assumption yet! The boys six! What he going to do? Pout an explosion? Demand ramen or else he's going to blow up the tower? The boy is yes, a prankster but not a terrorist! I seriously doubt he even knows what terrorist is!"_

_He didn't really explain that part to the boy but Naruto did understand well enough when he told him they were being attacked by bad people._

_"If you are done sprouting idiotic things without damn good evident behind it, this meeting is adjourned!"_

Sarutobi breathed deeply, trying to remember his breathing exercise. Ironically he only ever needed it after a meeting.

He needed a break. Maybe he could see his infant grandson, or spend time with his sons, or go to Ichiraku with Naruto-

Stopping dead in the hallway, Sarutobi paled. He forgot about the boys! And dear kami they've been in that room for six hours straight!

Running to his office, Sarutobi told himself that Deidara looked to be a smart lad and had probably taken Naruto hours ago to go play or something. Surely they hadn't stayed in that room the whole time, right?

Reaching his office he saw his secretary at his door.

"Are they still in there?" He asked worriedly.

"Uh, um, yes. Yes they are."

Sarutobi felt horrible. Those poor kids must have been bored out of there minds!

"But sir, it's amazing. I've never seen anything like it."

It was then that Sarutobi noticed his secretary's dazed and somewhat shock state, as though the man had witnessed something unbelievable.

"It's done. All done! Like somebody tamed it, or something."

Opening the door the young man pointed in.

"You have to see for yourself. It's, it's…wow."

Looking in, Sarutobi just stared.

'Wow' didn't cover this.

The paperwork was neat, in orderly piles, in labeled boxes and categorized.

"I came in around noon to give them food and, and they were just going through the papers like nothing! That Deidara was just hammering them out!" the secretary said in awe.

Sarutobi looked over to where the boys sat on the couch across the room. Naruto appeared to be suffering a headache while Deidara was reading a book on chakra theory.

Walking over to the boys Sarutobi asked if they had done the paperwork.

Naruto looked up, staring at the elderly man with deep compassion.

"Gramps, you were right, the paperwork IS evil! How? How do you do that day in and day out? How can you not be nutty after so much contact with that horrible stuff?" Naruto then got up and hugged him, clearly feeling pity for the old man.

Deidara rolled his eyes. "Quit whinnying Naruto, you didn't even do a third of it!"

Naruto looked at his brother, wonder and awe in his eyes. "Nii-san, how did you do it? Even the old man couldn't go that long at those evil papers!"

"Because I'm special." Deidara replied, never bothering to look up from his book.

Pointing to the clean desk Deidara spoke. "I only rejected the really stupid things. You still need to sign the majority of the papers."

Pointing to the upper right corner side of the desk he continued, "The yellow file and box are B-ranked missions, the red file and box next to it are A's."

Deidara's finger then trailed over to the left side upper corner that only held a few pages.

"The orange are S's and higher missions while the small stack next to them is things that are for the village; I had to stream line that one due to some very unnecessary 'needs'."

He then pointed to a three medium sized stacks in front of the window. "The blues are the ones that need your immediate attention un."

Then finally he pointed to the floor in front of the desk. "The green files and boxes are C-D ranked missions."

This pile was by far the biggest, having hidden nearly the entire front of his desk.

"And these," Deidara said holding up a file, "were the papers you were looking for before you were called away."

Deidara almost laughed at the gobsmacked expressions on the two older men's faces.

* * *

After half an hour of coaxing the Hokage out of his state of shock, Deidara had gotten his paperwork finished. He was now Uzumaki Deidara; an emancipated ward of the Hokage, Naruto's caretaker, and was now holder of three different jobs.

While sorting the paperwork he had found all the jobs that was in need of workers and had narrowed it down to two: the Yamanaka Flower Shop and the Inuzuka Compound.

The flower shop was because they offered to give classes on planting and finding herbs, something he was going to need to know when he left this place, plus who was going to look for a terrorist in a flower shop?

The Inuzuka was more due to who was there. Though he was a Jounin he was playing the part of a civilian kid meaning he had to act like a kid. Plus it was normal for a kid to want to get a job where your friends were, so no suspiciousness behind that.

He convinced the Hokage to let him have both jobs and his choice of schedule by telling him he would come in on Saturdays and volunteer to help with paperwork. That really won the old man over, but only after he made Deidara swear to tell him if the jobs become too much of a strain for the ten year old.

Then the man gave the boys direction to his new work places. Deidara walked on down the road, unconsciously staying in between Naruto and anyone else on the road.

Pretty soon they were in a nice looking part of the village, with only Naruto's happy rants of "We're gonna see Hana-nee-chan!" interrupting the silence.

The came to an entrance that had a huge red and white fan over it and two guards stationed at it.

_How tacky un._ Deidara thought staring at the lackluster fan.

He was about to continue his way onto the Inuzuka's residence when he heard voices within the entrance.

"Your parents invited me to dinner, so I was wondering if we could walk to your home?"

Came a sweet voice that made chills go down Deidara's spine and if the way Naruto had suddenly shivered, his too.

He then heard someone imitating hurling noises.

Then the same nauseating voice said in a higher pitched voice, "Sasuke-chan, you need to behave like a good Uchiha. What would your parents say?"

A sudden and well controlled killing intent spiked.

Deidara looked in the entrance way. Standing not too far away was the two Uchiha brothers they had met the other day along with a girl.

"Deidara-Nii-san, should we help them?" Naruto said, looking at the girl warily.

Deidara looked between the brothers and girl once more. Sighing he shrugged.

Why not? He could use this as an alibi should he get into any trouble to day.

"Oy Uchiha!"

* * *

Itachi once more stared into the joyful lead colored eyes of his little brother as he was being handed to him by a very irked and slightly sticky looking Shisui.

Itachi sighed as his angry cousin told him that Sasuke had single handily ruined the living room with crayons and super glue to which Itachi had to resist shaking his head.

It wasn't his fault Shisui had left Sasuke alone for twenty minutes and was now sporting a new designed wall with the curtains permanently stuck to the wall along with all the furniture's the cushions. The boy was six, what did you expect?

_Oh wait, that's right. Sasuke's an Uchiha, he's suppose to know better then all the children his age._ Itachi mentally frowned.

Sighing once more he had turned to take Sasuke to their house when he saw the one thing that made being tortured by Ibiki physically, emotionally and mentally look like a Kami sent joy; Amesha.

"Itachi-kuuun!"

"It's the hag." Sasuke whispered, glaring at the girl approaching them.

The girl stop, smiling flirtatiously at Itachi, causing the twelve year old to cringe.

"Your parents invited me to dinner, so I was wondering if we could walk to your home?" Amesha said in a sickly sweet manner, making Itachi cringe even more. Sasuke made vomiting noises.

Amesha set her eyes on the younger boy. "Sasuke-chan, you need to behave like a good Uchiha. What would your parents say?"

Though Sasuke was inexperienced he knew that threatening tone. His father often spoke like that to people he didn't like.

Itachi glared at the girl. How dare she threaten his brother! He knew his parents disproved of Sasuke's behavior and that Sasuke was a bit conscious about it and the witch just had to bring it up.

Amesha looked back at Itachi and stepped back when she saw the cold glare he was giving her. Silently she cursed her idiocy. She knew that Itachi-kun loved his stupid brat of a brother, though how he could love something so worthless was beyond her.

He should be focusing on other things, like THEM for example! They are going to marry as soon as he turned sixteen; he should be focusing more on her and not that little twit! After all, they were PERFECT for each other!

Just as Itachi was going to leave, he heard a familiar voice.

"Oy Uchiha!"

The three Uchiha's turned to the source of the voice. There stood the Uzumaki brothers standing just outside of the Uchiha district.

The eldest, Deidara, waved him over. Curious as to why they were here Itachi walked over, Sasuke close on his heels.

"Uzumaki-san, why are you here?" Came the stoic question.

"Yeah! You're on Uchiha property! Who do you think you are, trespassing?" Amesha's voice carried over.

Deidara stared at the girl for a couple of moments before grimacing.

"First off, I'm not trespassing because I haven't laid so much as a pinky over this doorway yet and two, I'm lost and just so happen to know Uchiha. Now piss off bitch."

Sasuke giggled upon seeing Amesha's shocked and flabbergast face as Itachi quietly congratulated Deidara for shutting her up.

Deidara had seen her kind before; stuck up, proud, naggy, self-centered and was more then likely one of the most unpleasant people to be around if the Uchiha brothers reaction was anything to go by.

He had three fiancé's like her before.

Turning to the elder Uchiha brother Deidara answered his earlier question. "I just recently got some jobs; unfortunately I have no idea where these places are since we're not from this area. Mind showing me around?"

As tempted as Itachi was he had to get Sasuke home before dinner. Not to mention find a way to avoid his dinner guest. Yes, taking these two anywhere was out of the question-

"Come on Sasuke's-brother! You and Sasuke can come with us and we can all go to Hana-nee-chan together!" Naruto said happily.

-unless of course they had to go to Hana-san's place, after all it was a bit difficult to find the front door and there was also the watchdog's to consider. Yes, he could find time to take these poor lost boys over to Hana-san. Besides, Sasuke would love to see his little pals again, and what kind of brother denies his precious baby brother's happiness?

"Very well. I'll help you get there." Itachi monotoned.

Amesha seemed to find her voice as she complained loudly, "But Itachi-kun! What about dinner?"

Amesha glared at Deidara. _Who did this little girl think she is? Coming in here and try and take my Itachi-kun away? The little tramp!_

Not even bothering to look at the source of his ire Itachi said, "Tell Kaa-san I am busy and will be running late. Come along Sasuke."

The two set's of brother's waked away, leaving a fuming Uchiha behind.

It wasn't long before Sasuke and Naruto began to talk about nonsensical things, enjoying the other's company immensely, leaving the elder two in a uncomfortable silence.

After a while Deidara decided to break the silence that hung over the older two.

"So, was that your fiancé?"

Itachi raised a eyebrow to the younger boy, curious as to how he found that out.

"Your brother described her as being a 'yucky evil ugly hag'. Though his vocabulary is lacking some, he painted a very vivid and accurate picture of her. Plus you looked ready to kill her on the spot."

"Hn."

* * *

OMAKE!

* * *

"Nii-san, are you ready?" Naruto asked impatiently, wanting to go see the Tanabata celebration.

"Let's just go over the list once more." Deidara said, pulling out a piece of paper.

"Okay! Firecrackers, smoke bombs," Deidara started, stopping only to watch Naruto dig through a bag.

"Yeah, yeah," Naruto sound off, placing each said item back.

"Twenty-seven different types of fountains, MD-80s and Cherry Bombs,"

"Yup, yup, yup,"

"Roman Candles, eight types of rockets, Aerial repeaters and shells,"

"Ah-uh, Ah-uh, Ah-uh,"

"Now the specials: Armed & Ready, Fanaticon, Glory Honor Power, Magnum Tremors, Major Altitude, Pounding Force, The Big Dog, Taking Care Of Business, The Wailing Witch, The Pyramid, The Show Stopper, The Climax and a three mortars kits."

"Affirmative on all."

"Great! Let's go have some fun!" Deidara said a little too cheerfully, sealing the fireworks in a scroll.

] _**4 hours later**_ [

Sarutobi stared at the Hokage Tower, or what was left of it. The whole building had been reduced to ruins, debris everywhere, some places were still on fire.

Apparently several of the Uzumaki brother's motors had gone astray and hit the building's foundation.

In a sick and unexplainable way though, the paperwork had not been damaged.

* * *

END OF OMAKE!

* * *

Just so you know, all those names he called of are real fireworks, most of which are illegal in certain states.

Anyways! Enjoy and review!

PD


	10. Weasel's Crush and a Acidic Review

**My Wish Order Brother**

Author: PiperDreamer

Rating: Rated: M

Genre: General, AU

edited: 04/07/12

* * *

**Chapter 10: Weasel's Crush and a Acidic Review**

* * *

Deidara didn't like it when it was very quiet. It made him jittery as his well honed instincts screamed for him to stay alert. But right now he would happily embrace the silence over the incessant noise Uchiha's brother and Fishcake were making.

Seriously, did all these trees cause an abundant amount of energy, most notably in small children?

_Ten minutes and neither have shut up. They are worse then girls._ Deidara thought, frowning.

Then Naruto turned to him, never once stopping in their walk.

"Nii-san! Sasuke says I can't call you Nii-san because that's what he calls his brother! Tell him I can too!"

Deidara rolled his eyes. Why do kids get into such stupid squabbles? Deciding to answer if only to get them to shut up, Deidara said,

"Kosuke-"

"Sasuke!" The little boy said heatedly.

"Right. Everyone can call an older brother nii-san, it's not an Uchiha exclusive word."

"Ha! See? My brother agrees with me!"

"Yeah well MY brother's better then yours!"

"Nu-uh!"

"Yeah-huh!"

"Nu-uh!"

"Yeah-huh!"

"Nu-UH!"

"Yeah-HUH!"

And the two younger boys suddenly increased the speed of their word to the point it could have been a tempo, causing the Leaf-nin and former Rock-nin to twitch.

_If they don't shut up, I'm gonna kill 'em un._

"We're here." Uchiha's monotone voice stopped the two feuding boy's and irritated bomber to a stop, surprised he had said anything.

_Not a talkative guy._ Deidara noted before frowning.

Was it him or did Uchiha look… nervous? Come to think about it, Uchiha had gotten paler, his left hand twitching every few seconds.

The sound of barking brought him to reality, along with little boys' screams. He didn't see why they were scared. The dog just snarling like it was suppose to do, ready to tear out intruders throats and was only eye level to Uchiha.

Uchiha walked forward to the mammoth of a guard dog and… petted it.

The snarling behemoth was reduced to a happily panting droopy faced mutt in seconds.

"Good boy." Was all Uchiha said, ushering the younger ones pass it.

Deidara noted that the dog moved _**away**_ from Naruto, giving a soft whimper. Why did it do that?

Sasuke looked up adoringly at Itachi, only stopping to give Naruto a triumphant smile as though he was saying 'Ha! MY brother's better then yours!'.

Deidara walked passed the dog, or at least tried to. The dog jumped in his way, snarling worse then before, fangs exposed and ready to pounce.

Deidara tried again but the dog interpreted him again, snarling even more feral.

"Uzumaki-san? Are you armed?" Uchiha asked, sounding as though completely bored with the matter.

"Yeah un." _And then some,_ Deidara mentally added.

"You may need to remove your weapons then. The guard dogs of the Inuzuka clan are fiercely protective of their human familiars."

Deidara glared at the growling dog. He was not about to remove his weapons for a dumb mutt!

"Come on Nii-san! Hand the stuff to Sasuke's-brother so we can get you to your job!" Naruto said cheerfully.

"Yeah Dei-chan! Give it to Nii-san!"

Sasuke's face then scrunched up into a pout. He then looked at Naruto, completely missing the nasty glare Deidara shot at him for the '-chan' suffix as Itachi glared at Deidara for glaring at his brother.

Both boys were obvious to their brother evil death glare. "You know, maybe we should call one of them aniki and the other nii-san, otherwise we'll get them confused."

"Okay! Yours will be aniki and mine will be nii-san!" Naruto proposed.

"Why can't Itachi get called nii-san?" Sasuke glared.

"Because you call him aniki more then nii-san." Naruto theorized.

Sasuke glared melted into understanding, seeing the logic behind that. "Oh. Okay."

Deidara stopped glaring at the small child, took a deep breath and counted to ten.

Then a voice called out, making the two small boy squeal with happiness, Deidara thankful of a sane person coming to his rescue and Itachi to freeze, a very slight blush on his face, so slight that you'd have to be a ninja to see it.

Unbeknownst to Itachi, Deidara was a ninja.

Deidara stared for a moment at the older boy.

_Interesting._ Deidara thought before focusing on the new arrival. Giving a crooked smile Deidara greeted her. "Oy, Hana-kun! Nice to see you!"

The brunette looked at the odd crew, a questioning look adorning her face.

"Nii-san getting a job here!" Naruto stated happily.

"Really?" She recalled her mother going to the tower to hire a newbie a few weeks ago.

"Yeah, but can you get this dog out of my way?" Deidara said, eyeing the dog apprehensively.

Hana looked at the Poochie, the guard dog and frowned. He was never this menacing before! Sniffing the air, Hana's nose wrinkled. She had smelt it before, faintly but now it was strong.

"Um, Dei-kun? Do you play with chemicals?" Hana inquired. When she had first met him he had a faint smell of chemicals on him, but it was hidden under the smell of ramen. Now though it was strong, burning even.

"What do you mean?" Deidara said in a confused manner, though inwardly he was sweating.

"Well you smell like chemicals, lots and lots of chemicals."

_Is it my imagination or did the scent get stronger?_ Hana thought before wincing, feeling her nose hairs burn. _No I didn't imagine it._

Deidara calmly assessed the situation. Apparently Hana could smell his chakra. He was still on the mend so he had kept his chakra low enough to slip under Uchiha's and the Hokage's meter but not suppressed entirely as to not go suffer another chakra induced spasm attack.

_Shit, what I'm I gonna say?_

It was Naruto who once more, without even knowing it, made the save.

"Our apartment is right next to the cleaning factory. Some days they air it out and stink up the whole place. Last time they did that the whole place smelt like ammonia and bleach."

Naruto hadn't known that the people who worked there had used those products in hopes of turning his apartment into a gas chamber.

They would have been greatly disappointed to know that the boy had switched apartments without telling anyone but Sarutobi and had camped out in the Hokage's office for the entirety of that week.

_Oh, I guess that explains that._ Hana thought. Now that she thought about it, Naruto smelt like chemicals too, only no where near as potent.

Musing over this discovery the Genin didn't notice the chemical smell had gone down some.

_A cleaning factory huh? Ironic to have that in that dump._ Deidara thought before mentally grinning. _I'm going to have soooo much fun there._

Forcing the dog to move Hana walked the Uzumaki's and Uchiha's to her home.

Hana was up front, Naruto and Sasuke hanging on to her hands asking a million questions in under two seconds, or so it seemed like.

Itachi and Deidara held up the rear, the former watching the pretty Gennin's movements a little too closely as the other took notes of how she responded to certain questions.

Then Deidara gave a side look to his companion. The older boy's face was in its same neutral mask to any other observer but to Deidara who was taught to read faces the Jounin before him had a very slight blush on his face, his hand continued to twitch, his breathing had pick up some and the raven haired boy had a strange look in his eye that Deidara had only ever seen on a hard core romantic.

_He looks like a love sick puppy, shinobi style._ Deidara thought, a smirk filtering across his face.

_It would appear the Uchiha had a little crush on the unsuspecting Inuzuka girl! Hee hee, I'm gonna have fun with this!_

Twin black orbs on a white canvas that made up Itachi eyes suddenly looked toward the now grinning blonde.

"What?" He monotoned.

The grin on Deidara's face remained.

"How often do come here?"

Itachi frowned at the question, not liking that grin one bit.

"I've never actually came into the Inuzuka house before."

"No, I meant how often to you just come here?"

Itachi glared slightly. He really didn't like these questions, especially from a civilian.

"I don't."

Deidara adopted a look of surprise. "Really? That's weird."

"What's weird?" Itachi asked, a feeling of dread came over him and he didn't understand why.

"Because you're an armed and dangerous person yet the guard dog didn't even try to stop you getting by! I figured you must have come by often because of that!"

To Itachi's credit he showed no outer signs of his sudden worry.

"I walk pass this house every morning to reach the Tower." Itachi explained.

"So do many others but I don't think they invested any time into earning the guard dog's trust."

Itachi glared at the younger boy. "And what logical reason would I want to gain a guard dog's trust?"

"I don't know. Maybe you got attacked once, or you accidentally tossed something on the property and wanted it back, or…" Deidara grin then got bigger, "you didn't want to get interrupted when you watched your crush."

The words had an immediate effect. Itachi paled considerably. How the hell did this guy figure that out?

Deidara kept his eyes on the brunette in front of them, completely obvious to this conversation they were having as she was preoccupied with the two chatter boxes clinging to her.

"Not that I blame you," Deidara continued, ignoring Itachi reaction, "She really is pretty, funny, smart, and would make a great mother one day. Though I'm sure she wouldn't like it if she found out the prodigy of the Uchiha Clan is stalking her, so maybe I'll ask her out."

Itachi stared blankly at the blonde though inside he was fuming. The boy seemed so relax as he casually talked about dating his beloved Hana-san! And how dare he call him a stalker?

Sure he loved watching her, knew her hobbies, her favorite foods, which window in the Inuzuka house was hers, and kept a picture or two of her that he took when no one was looking. But all guys did that with their crushes!

Didn't they?

Itachi took a deep breath, forcing himself to think clearly. It would not do to get angry. After a moment Itachi blinked.

Itachi had sat through enough torture sessions with Ibiki and Inochi to understand what the younger boy was doing. He was trying to get Itachi to admit he had a crush, something Itachi would never say out loud. Though the younger boy sure knew which buttons to push.

Was this guy related to the Yamanaka's? He certainly looked like a Yamanaka.

Itachi just shook his head. "I do like her, but as a person and possible friend." Itachi replied, knowing that not replying would have been misinterpreted as admittance to the blonde's accusations.

"Yeah, yeah un. What ever lets you sleep at night." Deidara said, waving Itachi's reply off.

_There is something __weird about him._ Itachi thought.

The younger boy had observed him for only an hour and found out more about Jounin then most people did in their entire lives. Then he cleverly asked certain questions that transpired into him nearly getting angry at the younger.

Deidara was a very paradoxical person and Itachi didn't like it one bit.

"Nii-san! Aniki! Are you two coming in?" Naruto called.

Deidara and Itachi continued to the door, Deidara grinning smugly while Itachi contemplated the best methods to demolish Deidara with out killing him.

Hana lead the four to the living room where two other people sat and four dogs laid on the rugs.

One was Kiba the other a woman. She had messy brown hair, sharp black eyes with vertical slit-like pupils, pronounced canine teeth. Like the other members of the Inuzuka clan she also had the distinct red fang markings on her cheeks.

You didn't need to be a genius to know she was Inuzuka siblings mother; Kiba looked like a male version of her and Hana seemed to inherit her more feminine side.

Everyone stood there, Kiba looking nervously at his mother who was reading a book, looking highly peeved off.

After a moment of silence Deidara decided to speak.

"Excuse me, Inuzuka-san?"

* * *

Tsume didn't bother to look up from her book when she heard the extra feet walking in.

The Hokage had sent a bird carrier to her a little while ago saying that the demon's caretaker was in need of a job and had given him a trial job here.

She hated trial jobs, it meant that the person was going to be employed for a certain amount of time (were she could not fire them till after the set period of time) and either get rid of them or keep them.

So far the previous ones were terrible and now the Hokage expected her to let the demon spawns keeper work here for two months?

She had been so angry that she didn't even bother to finish the letter and had opted to read as she silently stewed.

"Excuse me, Inuzuka-san?" A polite but very young voice spoke.

Tsume looked up from her book, the glare she had melting into confusion.

Why was Fugaku's son and another clan child here? And who was the blonde girl? Tsume glared at the youngest blonde though.

The demon.

"Inuzuka-san." The blonde girl spoke, standing in front of the demon. Smiling a smile that didn't reach her eyes the girl introduced herself.

"I'm Uzumaki Deidara. Hokage-sama had sent me here in hopes of getting a job."

Tsume blinked. _**This**_ was the demon's caretaker? She couldn't be more the ten! What was the Hokage thinking allowing this poor little girl-

Wait.

Did she say her surname was Uzumaki?

But the spawn didn't have any family members! But they did look alike, and even their scents were close enough; both smelt like chemicals, ramen though the younger had the under line of foxes while the older one smelled more like dry heat. And really, nobody knew much about the demon brat, so maybe he did have a sibling.

Tsume grabbed the letter from the Hokage again Tsume read it in its entirety till she got to the info about her new employee.

Name: Uzumaki Deidara

Age: 10

Blood Type: AB

Gender: Male

Rank: Civilian

Known Family: Uzumaki Naruto (younger brother)

Guardian: Sarutobi Hiruzen

Note: Is a studious worker, can organize anything, adroit skills in administrative and accountant. Also is very proficient in handling manual labor.

Is to work at the Inuzuka complex Monday, Wednesday and half of Friday from 9:00 AM to 2:00 PM except on Friday were he shall only work from 9:00 AM to Noon. Is to be off Saturday and Sunday. Start pay is 700 yen an hour.

Tsume stared at the girl- er- **boy**, thinking over her options.

On one hand she really didn't want the demon or the relative of the demon anywhere near her establishment or family. On the other it was just two months plus she only had to see them for three days for a total of fifteen hours a week, during which she could run that kid ragged.

Plus she really couldn't say no to a trial job from the Hokage.

Sighing in resign, the matriarch of the clan spoke. "I don't want you here brat. You Uzumaki's are nothing but trouble."

"I don't apologies if you think that way Ma'am since you clearly don't know me."

Tsume glared at the girly blonde.

"Don't talk like that to me you little turd! You're giving me a lousy impression!"

"With all due respect Ma'am, your giving me the impression that your a classless macho skank that loves to bitch. No pun intended."

Hana gapped. Itachi eyes widen by Deidara brass words. Kiba and Sasuke hide behind there siblings. Naruto wasn't really paying attention, his mind wondering over to Ichiraku's.

Tsume stared at the boy, her eyes betraying nothing.

_Well, at least he has guts._ Tsume thought. Not many had the nerve to tell her that. Even her old teammate Hiashi wouldn't dare say something like that.

"I will not tolerate sloppiness. You will work hard. You will not complain, gripe or bicker at all. Do I make myself clear Uzumaki-san?" Tsume said a little bitterly.

"Transparently, Ma'am."

"Good. You'll start work next Monday at 9 AM. I'll give you your work sheet then."

"Understood."

"Good. Now get out." Tsume growled out going back to her book. In two months she'd fire the cheeky sibling of the spawn.

"Thank you for your time Inuzuka-san."

* * *

Hana watched the acidic 'review', wondering why her mother was in such a foul mood. Though one thing was for sure. Deidara either was an idiot or had balls of steel.

She was betting on the latter.

Either way things were going to get interesting.

* * *

For those curious, 700 yen is roughly $7.45.

And if you're wondering about Itachi behavior this is my reasoning:

He was born in a time of war, traumatized early in life, and was practically turned into a super solider as soon as he could walk. He, like Deidara, doesn't know how to be normal. And since no one taught Itachi how to handle a crush, he treated it the only he could; like a dangerous mission, which led to him studying her to the point he knew all sorts of things about her right down to her mannerisms. For him she became his 'dirty little secret', a way to forget reality and just be human (I'll write how they met soon).

For obvious reasons his crush grew insanely large after being told he was going to marry Amesha.

Hope you like it!

And yes Tsume is a bit of an evil hag now, but she'll be an ardent supporter later!

Till next time! Review!

PD


	11. The Worse Job Ever

**My Wish Order Brother**

Author: PiperDreamer

Rating: Rated: M

Genre: General, AU

edited: 04/07/12

* * *

**Chapter 11: The Worse Job Ever**

* * *

Deidara, Itachi, Naruto and Sasuke walked out of the house. Hana, being the resident peace maker of her family, went to see them off and took Kiba along as to give her mother some breathing room.

The three little boy's walked ahead, chatting away happily as Hana and Itachi walked next to each other and Deidara held up the end.

Feeling the need to talk due to the nearly overwhelming silence that didn't affect the smaller boy's, Hana began to talk.

"So Uchiha-san, how long have you've been a Jounin?" When she had first seen him she had honestly thought he was a Chunin.

"One year ago." Came the monotoned answer.

Hana looked back at the boy in surprise. "Really? When did you become a Chunin?"

"When I turned ten."

"When did you graduate the Academy?"

"I was seven."

"…How old are you now?"

"I'm twelve."

"…whoa." Hana said, awed at the boy's accomplishment. She the same age as him but he was two ranks above her!

She like many others was sorely impressed.

Deidara who was listening in on the conversation wasn't as much.

_So Uchiha graduated the same age as me, but I still became Chunin at nine._ Deidara thought smugly_._

_And technically, I out rank him._ Deidara was hard pressed not to grin.

Most people didn't know the deference between Jounin and Tokubetsu Jounin. Tokubestu Jounin's, rather than all-around Jounin training, have Jonin-level ability in a single area or skill, much like warrant officers of civilian militaries. They are elite specialists in their areas and are often assigned on missions that required their expertise. One example of a Tokubetsu Jounin would be those in the torture and interrogation department due to not everyone having the stomach for it.

In Deidara case though he had been part of the Explosion Corps. (that's the so called correct way to address his abilities was; he preferred 'art').

Not that he could flaunt it anyways, at least not without getting a one way ticket to the torture and interrogation experts, IF he didn't hightailed out of there in a exit of beautiful explosives first.

"Hey Nii-san?" Naruto said, bring Deidara out of his artistic destruction mindset for the moment.

"Un?"

"Tell Sasuke that you'd make a better friend then Aniki!"

"…What?" Deidara said, his look of confusion mirrored by Hana and Itachi.

"Sasuke says that because he and Aniki are Uchiha's that makes them better friends! But I think that's not true!"

"Well it is!" Sasuke said, looking as though it was the complete and unshakable truth.

Looking over at Kiba Naruto said with a determined glint in his eyes, "Kiba! Is Deidara a better friend or is Sasuke's brother a better friend?"

Looking between the two, Kiba shrugged. "I can't judge that; I barely know either of them! Though," Kiba blushed deeply, "Deidara-sama is the prettiest."

Sasuke and Naruto stopped for a moment, looking at the blushing brunet incredibly. Hana covered her mouth to keep from laughing as Itachi smirked at Deidara's horror-struck expression.

Slowly looking at the only girl, Deidara said quietly, "Hana-san? Does your brother still think I'm a girl?"

"Um…Hee hee, yes."

Before Deidara could reply Naruto let out a triumphant laugh.

"HA! Mine's better then yours!" The small blonde said victoriously.

"No! My brother's prettier!" Sasuke yelled, not one to allow anything or anyone to be better then his brother.

Now it was Deidara's turn to grin viciously as Itachi gave the boys' a withering glare.

"Mine's better!"

"No mine's better!"

"Mine!"

"Mine!"

"MINE!"

"MINE!"

Simultaneously both boys' turned to Hana, a scary look in their eyes.

"Hana-nee-san! Whose better? His or my brother?" Sasuke said.

"Tell him mine's better!"

"No! Mine!"

"Um boy's," Hana said, slowly backing away from the two, a nervous smile on her face. "I really can't decide-"

The two cut her off with twin cries of, "YES YOU CAN!"

"Guys! Don't be mean to my sister!" Kiba growled.

Deidara and Itachi looked towards each other, both sporting looks of long suffering.

"…So you're his idol huh?"

"And apparently you're his hero."

Deidara lolled his head to one side, feeling his head ache from the grating noise that the three little kids' were generating.

"Being an older brother is such a pain un."

"So true. Advil?"

"Don't mind if I do."

"Hana-nee-san!" Naruto said suddenly, stopping his argument with Sasuke.

"Can Sasuke and I come back over?" Naruto asked, giving her a big puppy eyed stare.

"Pleeease?" Sasuke said, giving an adorable pout, his eyes too looking puppyish.

Hana blinked. A moment ago these two were fighting about who's brother was prettier, now they were getting along?

Little kids were strange.

Smiling, Hana just wrote it up as a child's quirk.

"Of course you guy's can, as long as you bringing your respective sibling along," she pointed to Deidara and Itachi at this, "then I don't mind you guy's coming over when ever you want."

As the boy's cheered, Deidara looked over at Itachi.

The boy looked normal, but the chakra spike he just gave out was probably his equivalent of jumping up and down, thanking every deity he could think of as he did cartwheels.

It reminded him strangely of Han, one of the jinchuriki back in Iwa. The poor sod had fallen for one of the torture specialist who had responded to his advances and stalking with her own flavor of violence that would have left normal men fearing for their internal organs and family jewels but made Han's all the more enamored.

_Man, he's got it baaaad._

Stretching Deidara looked up, watching the clouds go on lazily before he decided to speak.

"Since I don't feel like dealing with Naruto right now, can you guy's watch him? I still need to get to my other job."

Hana looked over at him in surprise. "You have two jobs?"

"Three technically, but I only do the third one on Saturday's."

Hana eyes widen even further as she looked over at him incredibly.

"You work three jobs? What about your guardian? Doesn't he do anything?"

Naruto looked up at her as he said, "Nii-san IS my guardian."

"No, no. I meant the person who takes care of you two."

"Hana-kun," Deidara spoke up, "I am his legal guardian, or caretaker if you like."

Hana laughed at that. "Ha ha ha! No your not! Your younger then me! You can't possibly be his guardian!"

Hana would have continued to laugh if it wasn't for the wholly solemn looks both Deidara and Naruto wore.

"Our parent's died when the Kyuubi attacked, and since we don't have any known relatives we been livin' on our own." Naruto said, which to him was completely true. They had been on their own till the wishing star brought them together.

Naruto didn't understand lots of things, and people went to insane lengths to keep him ignorant. So it would have been little surprise that he didn't fully understand what a 'family' was.

He knew they normally consisted of a father, a mother, and sometimes a sibling and other family members like aunts, uncles or cousins.

What he didn't know was that family usually was related by blood. To Naruto, who had grown up alone and had no one who would explain it to him, assumed that if he wished for a family member, they must be related to him.

Thus to him Deidara (who he had wished-ordered for into reality) must have been related to him and thus most share the same parents as him, making them completely credential brothers to the young blonde.

No one knew that was how he thought, nor did they know just how much this gave Deidara an edge. Fortunately for those people, Deidara was too unaware of the Fishcake's mentality otherwise he would have taken full advantage of it.

Hana looked flustered, as though she couldn't comprehend the notion, which in all honesty she just couldn't.

"But you guys aren't even preteens, or ninja's! How could you possibly be his guardian? Surely there's someone watching you two, right?"

Deidara shook his head, rather surprised that Naruto made it sound so real. Maybe the kid did have a brain after all.

"Nope. I'm his guardian, and our bread winner. Why else would I get three jobs?"

Hana stared in disbelief. They lived on their own? With no adult supervision?

How was that even possible? Why didn't they just stay in the orphanages? Granted, those were destroyed now but still living in them before their destruction must have been easier then living on their own.

"But one day I'll be Hokage, and then everybody will know me and my brother, and he'll never havta work again! Because I'll take care of him! Dattebayo!" Naruto said proudly.

Hana looked down at the shorter blonde, seeing the raw determination in the boy's eyes.

_He's got a lot of spirit, I'll give him that._ Hana thought, even though she didn't approve of them not having a real caretaker.

A chuckle was heard. Then another. Then the chuckling grew in sound, quickly evolving into full blown laughter.

All turned to Deidara, who was doubled over, laughing hysterically. Tears were falling down his face as he clutched his gut, his body shaking from laughter.

Naruto was getting worried that his brother might laugh himself into a coma.

"Um Nii-san? Why are you laughing?" Naruto asked, wondering if he missed some kind of joke.

Deidara finally managed to calm down some, though he kept chortling.

"Hokage? That's the most stupidest thing I ever heard!"

Naruto eyes widen. "Stupidest?"

"Yeah! Who in their right minds want to be that? The Hokage is just a throw job."

Deidara ignored the haunted look Naruto was giving as he continued.

"The Kage has the worse job in the village, where they belly ache about politic s and half drown themselves in paperwork and make the choice's no body wants to make. The only people who dream of becoming one are losers with a death wish un."

Naruto felt as though he just got slapped.

"Take the Fourth Hokage! He died after only being in the office for a year and a half! Being Kage is shitty. No one but a fool would do it!"

**POW!**

Silence.

That was what blanket the six people standing outside the Inuzuka home.

Sasuke's black eyes were wide.

Kiba's jaw had dropped.

Itachi's eyes widen ever so slightly.

Hana had gasped into her hands, her eyes wide.

Naruto stood next to Deidara, breathing heavily, looking angry and hurt with his fist extended.

Deidara stood perfectly still, his head turned slightly, eyes wide in shock as a small trickle of blood ran down the side of his mouth.

Naruto glared furiously at Deidara, dropping his fist.

"Don't ever mock the Fourth! He's a hero! If you ever talk crap about him again, I'll kick your butt you bean head!"

A killer intent surrounding them like a cloak, surprising Itachi and Deidara that the source was Naruto.

Deidara slowly looked down at the enraged Naruto, his eyes cloudy as he set his face in a neutral mask.

After a moment where Hana felt ready to jump in between these two if necessary.

After a moment Deidara reached over to Hana and took out one of her kunai's before she had a chance to stop him. Twirling the blade in his hands Deidara spoke again.

"Being a Kage means you have to make choices. Sometimes, for the supposable greater good, you will be pressured into making an order were you are sentencing the lives of friends and family alike to death. Can you order your friend's to die? Can you sentence Sasuke or Kiba to their doom?"

Naruto's eyebrows furrowed, his anger forgotten for the time. "No I won't, because the Hokage only kills the bad guys. Sasuke and Kiba aren't bad."

Leaning towards Naruto, Deidara pressed the kunai into Naruto's hand then bringing it up to his throat.

"If I was a 'bad guy', would you kill me, Naruto?"

Naruto's face melted into one of worry, and fear. The look on his brother's face was terrifying, as though he was staring right into his soul. It was the same look he had seen on veteran ninja's.

Smiling shakily Naruto shook his head. "But you're not bad-"

"I'm I? What if I am a 'bad guy', someone who delights in killing the innocent, taking the heart and soul from people, who backstabbed his village for his own personal gain, murdered countless people for my own means, destroyed homes and lives? Now tell me Naruto," Deidara said in a low manner, pressing into the blade enough for it to break the skin, blood slowly trickling down, "can you kill me?"

A slow deranged smile had made its way on the ex-Iwa's face, making him look even scarier to the child then he already was.

In that split moment, Naruto thought this boy in front of him was monster, hiding behind his brother's face.

Then the face melted into the good natured face of his older brother, all traces of the monster gone. Taking the kunai from the whiskered child's shaking hand, Deidara stood up, grinning brightly.

"Don't get so worked up kid. Not all dreams come true. Besides, there are no 'bad guys' or 'good guys', just a lot of idiots, un."

Messing with the smaller blonde's hair, Deidara handed the slightly bloodied kunai back to Hana.

"Keep an eye on him, will ya? I'll pick him up in a couple of hours."

Deidara congratulated himself for not reacting violently. He normally responded violence with either violence's or bombs.

Smiling at Naruto, Deidara almost let it slip when he saw Naruto's face.

The boy for the first time he met him had shown anger and now fear. Deidara for some reason hated that emotion on Naruto; it made his gut twist and flop in a sickening manner. Why the heck was it doing that?

"Be good for Hana-kun, 'kay Fishcake?" Deidara as he patted Naruto on the head, ignoring the ill feeling.

Naruto smiled, albeit a weak one, at him, the fear slowly leaving his eyes.

"Come back safely, Nii-san." Then the boy glared, "But you still a bean head." And with that he turned at stood behind the unsure Hana, glaring crossly at Deidara.

_Great. He's still angry un._

"Don't worry, Naruto." Itachi spoke. "I'll take him."

The two older boy's exchanged looks as Deidara smiled widen.

"But of course, Uchiha-san."

* * *

Deidara began to walk, Itachi right next to him.

Neither boy talked, which annoyed Deidara but he could managed.

It allowed him to back track the whole scene.

When Deidara had heard Naruto's dream of being Hokage Deidara couldn't help but laugh. He had spent the past five years as the Tsuhikage's secretary, had gone to nearly every meeting and had categorize all of his uncle's paperwork to the point no one but him could find and understand anything, so he knew more about politics then most councilors did.

The Kage's job really was the worse job in all the countries, with having constant assassination attempts on, the paperwork (which seemed to be on the top of all Kage's nightmare list and cause for insanity), no respect from the council who would happily go behind your back with just about everything, you gambled with the lives of your men when it came to missions, alliances shifted, and you sometimes had to order good friends to hunt down the other and fight them to the death.

He wouldn't curse his worse enemy with such a fate.

Deidara wasn't demeaning Naruto's dream, he was just telling him it was the most horrible job out there, so in reality he was saying Naruto could do better.

Then Naruto got all defensive when he degraded _**him**_.

The Yellow Flash.

In all fairness, Deidara was being quite mellow with that bastard. He wouldn't lie to himself; he hated the man and wished he was alive so that he could kill him.

It was no secret that the Yellow Flash loathed the Jibaku clan and actively hunted them when he wasn't on a mission.

But unlike the rest of the clan, Deidara felt he had a reason to hate him; the Yellow Flash of Konoha had been mortal enemies with the Agent of Destruction.

His father, Jibaku Bakudan.

He recalled some of the memories he had of his father, remembering how sometimes he returned from a long mission, looking ready to drop dead from the wounds that bastard inflicted on him.

Yet another reason he wanted to get the hell out of here; he could see that (BLEEP)er's face when ever he looked up.

Deidara sighed.

Though he was happy with himself for not outright blowing Naruto up (though the brat would have deserved it) he really shouldn't have messed with his poor little head.

The kid wasn't just any brat; he was the Hokage's grandson-like-figure brat.

It wouldn't look good if the kid was paralyzed with fear every time he saw him.

Looking over at his companion, Deidara waited.

He knew the Uchiha wanted a chat, kami knows he wasn't being careful enough.

_Seriously got to fix that._

"Uzumaki-san." Itachi's mellow voice rang.

It took a moment for Deidara to realize he was addressing him. "Un?"

"You've killed before." It was not a question, it was a statement.

Deidara mentally hit himself over the head.

Dear gods of art, how could he forget the Uchiha was a Jounin?

It was easy to get pass Hana and child's play with the three boys' but Itachi was trained to see through things.

Shrugging his shoulders, Deidara gave the Leaf-nin a lazy look.

"Only in self defense." _And duty, and out of anger, and fun, and for the most unforgivably crime of all, boredom._

Both looked at each other, both knowing when they saw a murderer.

Itachi recognized the signs the moment Deidara began to talk in that eerie calm manner to Naruto; kami only knows how many times he saw it on his many sempei's faces and enemies.

Deidara recognized it when the Uchiha said he was going to walk with him, having seen that particular look on enemies and allies alike, mostly on his so-called allies though.

"Which is better then a ninja I suppose." Deidara said, playing the civilian card.

"When did you kill?"

Deidara knew he had to play his cards right, other wise he was gonna need to kill this guy and get the heck out of here.

"I was protecting Naruto. Some villagers were attacking him, and I tried to fight them off. I got my hands on an empty bottle and rammed it don't the guys throat. It killed him, and momentarily stunted the other, giving me enough time to grab Naruto and run like hell."

This was partly true; he did save Naruto from the villagers once.

Itachi frowned. "Why were they attacking Naruto?" He knew the younger Uzumaki was a prankster, he wouldn't be surprised if everyone in Fire knew that.

In fact, he only ever heard of the younger Uzumaki. Why hadn't he heard of Deidara?

Deidara rolled his eyes, looking a little peeved.

"He was polluting the air by breathing or some dumb shite excuse."

Seeing Itachi's bland stare, Deidara shrugged again.

"People for some reason just hate us. When they think we're not listening they call Naruto a demon and me a freak." Deidara was now glad he had all but grilled Naruto for answers when he first met the kid, because now he knew what the majority thought and could line his answers up in a quasi-formed answer.

Filing that away for later analyzing, Itachi spoke again.

"And where were you?"

_This guy's about as lively as a grave yard._ Deidara thought charily.

"Job hunting un. Most people won't hire kids so I work any and all odd job's that come my way."

Itachi walked on, even though his mind was racing ahead. There were just too many questions about Deidara. When he saw Deidara's face change warning bells had gone off in his head, his instincts screaming to maim him before he struck first.

Yes, there was something not right about Deidara. He would need to see the Hokage about this.

"Hn. We're here."

Deidara looked up at the place.

The place was a gaudy yellow paint with orange roofing, a flowery sign hung over them with big bold kanji's saying,

**YAMANAKA FLOWER SHOP.**

"Oh wow. I would have NEVER found this place. I mean it's just so hard to find! The canary yellow paint! The eyesore orange! The frickin' huge arse sign in neon red! Oh how would I have ever found it without your help Uchiha?" Deidara said, sarcasm oozing from every word.

"Well, let's not keep her waiting."

"I quiver with anticipation." Deidara said dryly.

The door opened, the bell jingling softly.

Deidara had never been in a flower shop before, but he wasn't really surprised by the interior, though thankfully the hideousness of the outside didn't show on the inside.

Near the back wall stood two women, one behind the counter and the other in front.

The one behind had a pale complexion, hazel eyes and platinum blonde hair in two braids and was rather skinny in his opinion.

The other was a brunette with dark eyes who frowned at them.

The blonde (who's name tag said 'Kumiko') gave a big and really fake looking smile as she said in a overly cheerful manner, "Welcome to Yamanaka flower shop, how may I help you?"

Deidara grimaced as he looked at Kumiko.

"Yamanaka Kumiko, right?"

The woman nodded, the faux smile on her face not breaking once.

Deidara looked over at Itachi who just shrugged. Deidara walked over to the lady dragging his feet along till he got to the counter.

Sighing in a manner that one would of thought was long suffering, he straightened himself.

"I am Uzumaki Deidara. Hokage-sama had sent me here in hopes of getting a job." He said as though he was reading from a script.

The smile dropped. The lady stared for a moment before grabbing a paper and reading it.

Deidara had a feeling that she either forgot he was suppose to be coming or she, like Inuzuka-bitch hated Naruto.

Looking carefully up the lady stared at him for a long minute.

Then she said rather loudly, "You're a GUY?"

* * *

PD

.


	12. The Gossiping Romantic

**My Wish Order Brother**

Author: PiperDreamer

Rating: Rated: M

Genre: General, AU

edited: 04/07/12

* * *

**Chapter 12: The Gossiping Romantic**

* * *

Kumiko sighed. Yet another day of near nonexistent costumers, with only Yoshino's earlier visit to evade the boredom. She seriously believed that she would go insane soon.

"Maaaaamaaaa!"

And it wasn't from the lack of work.

Kumiko looked down at the little blonde next to her; bored blue eyes looked back up.

"Yes, Ino dear?"

"Have you thought about me getting a big brother yet?"

Kumiko inwardly cringed. Ino had been bugging her all day about that!

For some reason Ino had been asking all day for a big brother. At first she said she wanted a big brother and a big sister but Kumiko managed to talk her out of the whole big sister thing by saying that if she had a big sister then she wouldn't be Inochi's only princess.

This left her at her daughter's merciless nitpicking about getting a big brother.

Why was she so ardent about getting a sibling any way? It was a pain having a sibling!

_No,_ Kumiko retracted. _Not always. Sometimes it was really nice to have a brother around._

Kumiko had a brother, Taro. He was both her best friend and worst enemy at times. He blackmailed her, teased her, comforted her, protected her and was always there when she needed him. But he was gone now, killed during the last year of the Third Shinobi War.

Kumiko looked back at expecting eyes.

Maybe Ino was lonely? Sure, Yoshino came by with Shikamaru but not that often. Plus Ino only constant human contact was her parents and the customers.

She had noticed the way Ino kept looking at the mother who had brought her sons in, the unguarded way she had wishfully looked at the eldest.

_Maybe I should talk to Inochi about this. Who knows, maybe getting another child won't be a bad idea. It'll give Ino a play mate and Inochi a son, kami knows he always wanted one._

Smiling brightly at her daughter Kumiko spoke. "I'll talk to your father about you getting a brother, okay?"

Ino gave a bright smile. _Tou-san can't say no if I give him the puppy eyes!_

Giggling happily, Ino ran upstairs, happy about the idea of getting a big brother.

Kumiko sighed once more picking up a piece of paper she had received from the Hokage an hour ago.

She grimaced as she read it once more.

Name: Uzumaki Deidara

Age: 10

Blood Type: AB

Gender: Male

Rank: Civilian

Known Family: Uzumaki Naruto (younger brother)

Guardian: Sarutobi Hiruzen

Note: Is a studious worker, can organize anything, adroit skills in administrative and accountant. Also is very proficient in handling manual labor.

Is to work at the Yamanaka Flower Shop Tuesday, Thursday and half of Friday from 9:00 AM to 2:00 PM except on Friday were he shall only work from 1:00 PM to 3:00 PM. Is to be off Saturday and Sunday. Start pay is 700 yen an hour.

Kumiko shook her head. She didn't have anything against the boy's younger brother, she just didn't want that kind of negative source near her daughter. Yes the boy, Deidara, was probably a good kid but Naruto was something she'd much rather avoid.

She heard about those horrid pranks he pulled, who was to say Deidara wasn't any better?

The door jingled, telling her she had a customer.

"Kumiko-san! How are you?"

Kumiko smiled amiably, gladly taking any opportunity to stay away from that particular subject of mind.

"I'm fine Suzume-san. How can I help you?"

Suzume was a Chunin instructor over at the Academy, with wavy brunette hair and wore glasses only when she taught class, saying it made her look 'professional'.

But due to the terrorist attacks she had plenty of free time.

"I have some juicy gossip!"

"Oh! What is it?"

"Rumor has it that the Tsuchikage's grandson has gone rogue!"

Nodding Kumiko listened.

"He a sixteen year old Special Jounin, and is a cool, composed and as gorgeous as the Uchiha's but that's not the good part!"

Leaning forward, Suzume whispered as though it was a secret of epic proportions.

"They say he is the sole survivor of the Jibaku clan!"

Kumiko's eyebrows shot up into her hairline. "No way! That can't be true! I heard their all dead!"

"It's true! The Tsuchikage's married a woman from that clan and had a daughter, then the daughter married a member of that clan and had a son who some how survived when Grass and Leaf invaded! Now he's been taught by his grandfather and has complete mastery of his Kekkei genkai the Kibaku Nendo!" Suzume said excitably.

_Yoshino will be so angry to know that one survived._ Kumiko thought before asking, "And he's gone missing?"

"They say he blew up the councilors because they wouldn't let him marry the woman he loved!"

"How tragic!"

As the two major gossip hounds and romance fanatics in Konoha continued to converse the 'truths' about the Tsuchikage's so-called grandson, the door bell jingled.

Looking over at the door caused Kumiko to stop.

There stood two kids, roughly about twelve and ten. The older had black hair and lovely coal black eyes, pale complex and wore a leaf hitai-ite and a flak jacket, but what really caught her eye was the insignia on the boy's sleeve: the Uchiha's Emblem.

What was an Uchiha doing here?

She redirected her attention on the second person, hoping to find an answer.

It was a ten year old girl in civilian clothing, a tanned skin, cobalt eyes and golden blonde hair.

_She's pretty,_ Kumiko thought as she smirked in a giddy manner, though Suzume frowned a bit obviously trying to figure out why an Uchiha was here.

_Ho ho ho! The young Uchiha and the girl, eh? 'Tis young love! Forbidden by social standing and background, these two make their secret meeting in a seemingly harmless manner! I see your game children! Oh I can't wait to tell Suki, Umiko, Hoshina, and Tomo!_ The woman internally ranted.

She really couldn't blame the boy; the girl was going to be a knockout when she got older.

Smiling fictitiously at them she said automatically, "Welcome to Yamanaka flower shop, how may I help you?"

The girl looked her up and down, as though sizing her up, a grimacing pout on her face.

"Yamanaka Kumiko, right?" She said, as though she was hoping she said 'no'.

Kumiko nodded, annoyed at the girls obvious malign though she was a little surprised by the girl's voice; it was more boyish then girl.

The girl looked back at the Uchiha boy who just shrugged. The girl sighed before turning back to her as she walked over, dragging her feet along the way.

It was then that Kumiko noticed the fist shaped bruise on the girl's face.

How had she gotten that? Did she and the Uchiha get into a fight? Couples did that from time to time. Maybe she had an abusive parent? No, the knuckles were too small even for the Uchiha.

_Oh! Maybe the Uchiha saw his beloved harmed and being the gallant and courageous hero he is swoop in and saved her from her oppressor!_

A resigned sigh brought her out of her over active imagination, the girl standing in front of her, standing straight, a bland look on her face.

"I am Uzumaki Deidara. Hokage-sama had sent me here in hopes of getting a job." She said mechanically.

Kumiko's smail dropped, her face blanked as her brain sputtered.

Wait, what?

She stared at the child for a moment longer before pulling up the notice the Hokage gave her.

After re-reading it four times, she slowly looked at the human being in front of her, trying (and failing) to see a boy.

After a long minute of searching Kumiko blurted out, "You're a GUY?"

The affects of her blunt words were immediate; Suzume whipped her head towards her- _**him**_ nearly giving herself whiplash, the Uchiha boy smirked, and the blonde boy fell over.

After a moment the boy got back up, an angry look over his face as a large tick mark developed on his temple.

Kumiko gulped.

* * *

Deidara was angry- scratch that, pissed.

_Why does everyone keep mistaking me for a girl!_ The boy mentally screamed.

_Maybe because you're boyish features have yet to appear?_ The cold malicious voice said.

_Or you're really effeminate looking?_ The childish one said snidely.

_Maybe it's your hair. It is a bit too long._

_Or your girly face, your feminine physical appearance and you're over all gender neutral clothing?_

Deidara mentally glared at the voices.

"I am male, Yamanaka-san."

The stupid blonde stared at him for a moment longer. "…Transgender?"

The childish voice broke down into hysterical laughter.

Deidara gritted his teeth. "No, I'm completely male. Anatomically-correct and mentally un; if it'll end your curiousness about the mystery of my gender I can drop my drawers and show ya here and now."

Both women looked a bit gob smacked, eyes bugged out and jaws on the floor as the Uchiha boy's smirk got marginally wider.

"Now if you are done gawking at me like I'm an extraterrestrial, can we conduct business?"

That seemed to snap her out of her state of confused shock.

"Urm, uh, yes, let's. It says here you will be working Tuesday's, Thursday's and partly on Friday's. You're on a trial job so you'll be here for the next two months."

"Okay. When do I start?"

Pulling a paper up Kumiko began to write. "Next Tuesday at 9 AM. You'll be learning how to run a cash register."

" 'kay. Is there anything else un?"

He was more then willing to leave now, if only to get away from his new employer. Besides he still had to make dinner for Naruto.

"No. If you like you may leave." Kumiko said, handing out the paper with his work sheet.

"Thank you, Yamanaka-san." He said as politely as possible as he reached for the paper.

Just as he was about to grab it, it slipped from the woman's hand fluttering to a stairway not too far from the counter. Grumbling under his breath he moved to get it, silently cursing the idiot woman.

"Kaaaaaa-saaaan! Is Tou-san home yet?" A little girl's voice rang out as she noisily ran down the stairs.

Deidara looked up seeing a girl roughly Naruto's age with short platinum blonde hair and bright blue eyes wearing a purple jumper.

Suddenly the girl tripped, falling forward, her eyes widening from the shock as she opened her mouth to scream, arms flaring around in an a futile attempt to stop herself.

Not wanting to hear a girl's high pitch scream and suffering the possibility of going deaf, Deidara rushed forward to stop her painful descend downwards.

The girl eyes were tightly closed, ready for the painful impact. After a moment she gingerly opened her eyes then slowly looked around.

"You alright, un?" Deidara said half heartily as he held her bridal style.

The girl looked up at him and gasped, obviously not expecting him there at all.

"Ino! Are you okay?" Kumiko said as she rushed over. Deidara gently put the girl down so that her mother could see her better (and to prevent her from getting closer to him them necessary).

"I-I'm fine." Ino stuttered staring at him in an awed manner.

Kumiko breathed easier. "Tell the nice boy thank you."

_Boy?_ Ino thought surprised. Then a wide happy grin graced her features, stars practically glowing in her eyes.

It royally creep Deidara out.

Then in an unadvisable show of enthusiasm Ino threw herself at Deidara, rapping her tiny arms around his waist.

"Mama! You got me a big brother! Thank you, thank you!" Ino squealed.

Kumiko looked torn between being worried about her daughter behavior and being thankful that her daughter was safe.

Suzume looked thoughtful.

Deidara looked slightly homicidal.

Itachi looked amused.

_I'm pretty sure I have never met anyone like the Uzumaki's._ He mused.

* * *

After much prying (on Deidara's part) and apologizing (Kumiko's part) and mad gushing about big brother's (Ino) Deidara and Itachi made their way back to the Inuzuka's residence.

The moment the two came into view Itachi was assaulted by Sasuke, who immediately began to regale the older one about the epic battle of Snackin' Hill, or as Hana put it the food fight the three boy's had not to long ago.

Naruto on the other hand pretended Deidara wasn't there.

_He's still mad about that? It's been almost two hours!_

Walking over Deidara tapped Naruto on the shoulder. "Come on Naruto, we gotta go home now."

Naruto didn't answer, just walked in the general direction of their home.

_The silent treatment? Oh thank kami, I was worried he'd try to talk my ear off as retaliation!_ Deidara thought relieved, though part of him felt… weird. As though the fact Naruto wouldn't talk to him almost bothered him.

Oh well. Probably a after effected from listening to the Yamanaka women gab in their annoyingly high voices.

The two bid farewell then were off, silence engulfed the two much to Deidara's chagrin and joy.

Chagrin because he didn't like silence and joy because it gave him a moment to think.

He knew Uchiha would tell the Hokage about the murders, any respectable shinobi would. So now he had to come up with a reliable story which shouldn't prove difficult.

Give the geezer a sob story that made him out to be both a victim and hero would be easy, just mention that the people had attacked Naruto, which seems to help.

He didn't know how Naruto got in the Hokage's good grace but Deidara knew that for his position, it could be both a blessing and a curse, depending on how he took advantage of it.

Plus doing the paperwork seemed to boost his standing with the old man.

He belatedly noticed that he and Naruto had entered a more crowded road, evening shops becoming brighter in the waning sunlight.

Seeing a position of the sun Deidara sighed. _It's almost seven? Sheesh, what a day!_

Yes Deidara concluded, having found out your life support's benefactor was the leader of a village, getting three jobs, pissing off people and dealing with brats and noisy Jounin's could make anyone tired.

"Hey look. It's the demon." A man said quietly, though Deidara could still hear them.

"Dirty wretch."

"Monster."

Naruto visibly flinched.

"Who's that with it?"

"I don't know. Maybe the child's lost?"

"Why would she hang out with that thing then?"

"Maybe she doesn't know better. Her parent's probably hadn't told her about it yet."

"Well we better help her. That thing could corrupt the poor girl!"

"Or kill her!"

Deidara watched out of his side vision the way Naruto shook, eyes wide as the small boy tried to discreetly look over at Deidara, hope and fear evident in his cerulean's eyes.

"Hey! Kid!"

Deidara ignored them, hoping they'd get the hint to leave.

Obviously they were extremely thickheaded.

"Girl!"

"Blondie!"

Deidara stopped and glared at the group, the anger that swirled around in his chest was carefully, but barely, in check.

_If any of them call me 'girl' one more time, I'll blow their stinkin' head off._

"You need to stay away from that!" the closes man said, pointing at Naruto as though he was a leper.

"Yeah! That thing's nothing but trouble!" A woman said as she reached out to pull Deidara away from the six year old.

Deidara side stepped the woman, glaring at her menacingly.

"Kid, that boy is evil! You'll get hurt if you stay near him!" Another joined.

"He's not evil; you just paint him in unfavorable light." Deidara said smoothly, glad he hadn't outright cussed them out. Yet.

Before Deidara could walk away though a panicked adult grabbed the boy from the behind and held the startled ex-nin in her arms, not realizing how close to death she really was.

Naruto looked up angrily at the woman.

"Get away from her you freak!" She spat.

Naruto glared. "Give him back!" He said as he moved to get his brother back. He may have been upset with Deidara, but he didn't want his only family taken away!

"Stay away! I won't have you killing an innocent child with your demonic powers!"

"Yeah!" the man from before said, kicking Naruto in the stomach. The boy crumbled to the ground, gasping and whimpering but managed to glare at his assailant.

The man grinned nastily as he kicked the boy again, eliciting a yelp of pain this time as the boy crashed into a wall, rendering him unconscious as the other people began to attack the knocked out boy.

Deidara saw red.

* * *

Sarutobi looked around his office, a sense of awe filling him. Deidara was a miracle worker! He had never seen his work place so clean! And the paperwork! It was completely finished for the first time since he came back into office!

And he finally found someone to take care of Naruto! He felt that he could trust the whiskered face boy in Deidara's hands. He still needed to get a ANBU to watch them once the terrorist attack was taken care of, but for now Naruto was finally in good care.

Ah, nothing could ruin his day!

"Hokage-sama! The terrorist struck again!"

"Half of the main road is in pieces along with the surrounding buildings!"

"The citizen main bank was hit too!"

"Over a thousand people were caught in it!"

Sarutobi nearly screamed.

* * *

Kibaku Nendo - Exploding Clay (not very original I know but it works).

Remember boys and girls! Not all rumors are true!

PD


	13. The White Haired Woman

**My Wish Order Brother**

Author: PiperDreamer

Rating: Rated: M

Genre: General, AU

edited: 04/07/12

* * *

**Chapter 13: The White Haired Woman**

* * *

_He trembled in fear, burying his head further into his mother's bosom, her frantic heartbeat beating so quickly he couldn't tell one beat from the next as she held him close to her._

_They were hiding in a ruined building; his mother had told him it might discourage people from coming if the roof looked ready to fall at any time._

_Outside he could hear the explosions made by his clan, the clashing of kunais, the terrain altering jutsu's distorting as it caused the ground vibrate._

_The nearly four year old had heard once when he was listening to his parents describe what war was. Now he knew just how true they were._

_Then a ninja crashed through the weakened support beam next to them. It was a Grass-nin._

_Before he could scream, his mother had picked him up and ran out the back, just before the building collapsed but she kept running, fear motivating her to run faster._

_She stopped behind a crumbling wall near an empty barrel, her grip on him hurt but he was too scared to really notice._

_She peered around the corner, then quickly pulled back, fear showing in her eyes. A moment later he heard the cause of her refreshed fear._

_"Man, those damn Jibaku's are nuts! What sane person blows himself up?"_

_"How should I know? Come on, before we run into another one of those exploding freaks."_

_The child could hear them getting closer, his heart felt close to bursting from the terror._

_Then his mother placed him down in the barrel, throwing the shawl she had been wearing on top._

_"Honey, stay here, don't leave until I or your Daddy comes to get you okay yeah? And don't make any noises." She whispered, her beautiful hazel eyes watering as she smiled lovingly at him._

_Then she leaned forward kissing him on the forehead._

_"I love you Deidara, yeah." He barely heard her before she covered his head._

_He looked through a large hole in the barrel, watching as his mother stood shaking next to the entrance of the wall, the voices getting louder._

_Then two shinobi's walked into view, his mother turned and ran from the direction the duo had come from._

_"Behind us?"_

_"It's the enemy!"_

_The men threw kunai's, but cursed when they apparently missed but the boy wasn't sure._

_"Get 'im! He might try to get reinforcement!"_

_Deidara watched in dread as they turned around and gave chase to his mother, who had successfully led the dangerous men away from him._

_What would happen to her? Would she live? Deidara didn't know and that scared him. He sat there in the barrel, curled into himself as he tried to block out the screams, yells, clanging of blades, burning of buildings and explosions that seem to surround him._

_Mother had said that hell was a place that evil people went to, and was filled with nothing but misery, suffering, pain, torment and nightmares._

_Was this hell? And if so was he an evil person?_

_No this could be hell; his mother was here! No person as good as his mommy could go to hell!_

_But then he remembered his father saying that mommy had also described war in the same sentence, only its affect was felt by all and had a terrible power to changed people._

_So he was in hell or in a war, and both scared him beyond reason._

_Then a noise, closer then the rest was heard. Looking out his peek hole he saw two men with Grass-nin headbands dragging a Iwa-nin to the wall directly in front of him._

_The Iwa-nin had a gag in his mouth, his arms chained in front of him. He looked like a mess, as though he had been sorely beaten before these two found him._

_A savage grin showed on the foreign nin's face as the other held the Iwa down._

_"You Jibaku's sure are loyal for people hated by your fellow country men." The Grass-nin with a scar said._

_Deidara's eye's widen. Jibaku! That man was part of his clan?_

_"Well Jibaku, lets see if you can take as much of a beating as the stories say!" the man said in a sickeningly sweet voice, causing Deidara to shiver._

_Deidara stifled a gasp when the creepy nin dug the kunai into the mans hand, piercing the handmouth's tongue. The man screamed under his gag. The creepy guy sniggered and took out another kunai and jabbed it into his relatives other hand and twisted it. "So Iwa-nin are you gonna answer our questions? Just nod once for yes, or shake your head for no."_

_The man painfully shook his head, an angry glint in his eyes._

_"Well sucks to be you." And proceeded in sticking the man with more kunai's in various places on the man, slicing him up. The man tried valiantly to stifle his gasps and screams but as creepy nin moved on to do more things he started to get louder through his gag._

_The scarred nin lashed out with his leg and kicked the mans right leg effectively breaking it. The man let out an agonizing scream. "Wanna talk? It'll end if you do." He asked. The man took several ragged breaths and glared at them. The creepy one smirked and broke his other leg._

_Deidara held a hand over him mouth to stop himself from screaming whenever the crazed nin broke his relatives bones. He broke the man legs before moving on to his feet._

_Then he went for the Jibaku's hands. He painfully broke all his fingers before breaking his hand. Every time he did he screamed under his mouth gag. The man didn't break._

_Grinning psychotically the Grass-nin pulled out a pair of pliers, yanking each tooth out one by one, and then he grabbed another kunai and cut a hand-tongue out._

_"Got your tongue!" The Grass-nin said gleefully, waving the tongue in front of the man. The Jibaku screamed long and hard._

_In the barrel Deidara had grabbed the sides of his head trying to muffle his fellow clan men's screams. His shocked eyes stared at the man's squirming form. Tears fell from his eyes as he watched the cruel Grass-nin's cut off the other tongue of the Jubaku's hand._

_He wanted to get away from here! He closed his eyes, and mentally screaming a lullaby to drown out the Iwa-nin's screams which still managed to get through his hands._

_The same hands that the Jibaku had._

_Fear clutched at Deidara's heart. What if they found him? He had little doubt they'd do the same._

_Then it stopped._

_Deidara opened his eyes when the screaming stopped and looked out to see the Jibaku strained breath, the two nin's looking disappointed. Was it over? He nearly jumped when the man fell, collapsing onto the floor in front of him._

_"Man you bugger's DO know how to take a beating! Too bad, I really wanted to see you break." The creepy one said before thrusting a kunai into the man's throat._

_"Come on, there's more where he came from." The scarred one said. After a moment the two ran off._

_Deidara trembled, his eyes wide in fear and shock of what he had witnessed. Those people were monsters!_

_Then an explosion went off, sending him flying. He crashed to the ground; pain filled him as the impact took his breath away. After a moment he willed the stars that shot across his vision to recede, slowly getting up. Pain shot down his arm, a chunk of wood embedded in his shoulder as glass, rocks and wood had cut, stabbed and lodged them into him._

_Clay was near him, on a corpse. He fearfully took it._

_"Who's there?"_

_Deidara looked up, seeing more Grass-nin's. Panic over took him, the memories of his kinsman's dead mutilated body flashing across his mind._

_Fear overrode all other senses as he ran._

_He ran like there was the demons of hell coming after him, and for all he knew they were._

_Then another explosion was heard behind him, causing him to duck and curl into a ball as the majority of the debris flew over him._

_Deidara's eyes widen when he summoned the courage to look behind him, his hand chewing the clay._

_A Konoha shinobi was battling the Agent of Destruction._

* * *

Deidara shot up, sweat trickling down his brow as he fought to steady his breathing.

He had that nightmare before, but not the ending part. He always woke up either at his mother leaving or after the men finished torturing the Jibaku.

He didn't recall ever seeing his father fight anyone, but at the same time he felt as though he had watched it.

_What does that mean un? _

_Perhaps you are recalling something from the invasion? Remember you did loose parts of your memories._ The more serious voice offered.

_Didn't the therapist say it was__post traumatic stress disorder right before we blew him up? I'm pretty sure the stooge said he had repressed it in an attempt to not go completely bat shit on us._ The childish one spoke, adding his two cents.

_I am crazy un. You two are proof of that._

_No, the proof is that you actually talk back to us._

_And sometimes loose when we argue._

_Ah, touché._

_Um, Deidara?_

_Un?_

_Where the hell are we?_

It was then that Deidara realized he was not in Naruto's apartment. He was in a bed that was in a blue room with aforesaid boy sleeping next to him.

He went to get up but soon found his body bursting with pain as memories resurfaced.

He had lost his temper, unleashed his chakra and after breaking a couple bones (per a person) he blew the hell out of that place, too pissed to care. Then he ran like heck carrying Naruto till his body reacted to the corrosive chakra exposure and passed out in an alley.

In retrospect, it was really stupid of him to unleash his chakra while he was already on the mend from the previous experience.

Looking at his arm he noted that it wasn't red meaning he had been out for awhile and mercifully his gloves were still on.

Hearing a tired groan he looked over at Naruto he also wasn't red, but his face screwed up in a frown. He was positive the kid had gotten caught in the after effects of the Jibaku chakra…

Deidara's head jerked back at the door, the handle jiggling. The door very carefully opened, revealing a small girl.

Deidara stared. She was smaller then Naruto, pale skinned, with the biggest mint green eyes he had ever seen.

But what stood out the most was her baby pink hair that she kept in almost a curtain in front of her face.

The two just stared at each other, she not expecting him to be up and he not sure what to do.

After a moment of staring the girl hide behind the door, shyly peeking out after a few minutes.

"Um I'll get my mother." The girl said so quietly that Deidara strained to hear her before she totted off.

Five minutes later a white haired woman showed, the same little girl hiding bashfully behind her. The woman hair, much like the girls hide most of her face like a curtain. A small yet friendly smile showed on her face.

"G-good t-to see y-your up." She stuttered, playing with the hem of her long sleeve shirt.

Deidara watched her carefully, waiting to see if she'd pull anything.

"Where am I?" Deidara said after a moments silence, cutting straight to the point.

The white haired woman gave a small smiled. "I-I was o-on m-my w-ay h-home when I-I f-found y-you two i-in a al-lley. It d-didn't s-sit w-well with m-me tt-o j-just l-leave y-you beh-hind."

Deidara studied her for awhile more before labeling her a non-threat.

Reaching over Deidara shook Naruto roughly.

"What? Who? When? Where? How? Ramen?" Naruto said, rubbing his eyes, causing Deidara to roll his eyes.

When Naruto finally noticed they weren't in his apartment and that there was a woman and a girl staring at him, the boy stared back for a moment before mimicking the pink haired girl and hide behind Deidara, staring out suspiciously at the two.

The white haired woman smiled kindly. "H-hello. I'm H-Har-runo Y-Yukika a-and t-this i-is my d-daughter S-Sakura."

Deidara smiled back, keeping things as cordial as possible as he needed answers.

"This is Uzumaki Naruto and I'm Deidara un."

"I-it's a-a p-p-pleasure t-to met y-you."

"Hey Nii-san? Why is she talking like that?" Naruto whispered, though everyone had heard.

"Don't be rude Fishcake."

"I-it's fi-ine. A-are y-you h-hung-gery?"

A grin split across the younger boys' face as he nodded enthusiastically, coming out from behind Deidara.

Yukika smile brightened a bit more as she walked the two boys to the kitchen where the dinning table was. Deidara looked around subtly. The place was a small apartment with dull colored walls and was very clean as a clock on the counter clearly said 1:56 PM.

_Okay, the lady's civilian, and possibly a at home wife and mother, meaning there's a guy some where around here._

Naruto plopped onto a chair as Yukika served up a bowl of miso soup for the three children along with energy drinks.

Deidara sat next to Naruto, watching Yukika's every move in case she did something funny.

"When did you find us un?" Deidara asked levelly.

"Y-yesterday, around n-nine. M-mercifully m-my h-husband was at one o-of h-his f-friend's h-house."

_Okay, so today's Sunday._ Deidara mused as soup was served in front of him. He and surprisingly Naruto both waited till the little girl Sakura took the first bite. Seeing how she didn't have any adverse reaction, the boy's ate.

"Why did you help us?" Naruto said, looking at the woman uneasily.

"A-as a m-mother i-it didn't s-sit w-well w-with m-me t-to see t-two boys' in an a-alley, sick and i-in pain. I-I c-could nev-ver d-do that t-to any ch-child, regardless of th-their social st-status."

Deidara nodded. So there might be good people in this hellhole after all. Who knew.

But he wasn't going to trust her, for all he knew this was all an act. He would tread carefully till he was sure.

Sakura looked up at them before looking back down, mumbling something Deidara couldn't decipher.

Naruto tilted his head, his face a mask of confusion as he addressed the girl. "Um what did you say? You weren't really clear."

"I…I asked if you two were feeling well. You were really burning up when Kaa-san brought you here." Sakura said so quietly that Deidara almost missed it.

"We just caught a bit of a flu-bug that was going around, that's all un."

"A flu-bug?" Nrauto said, the confusion remaining o his face as he looked at his brother.

"Oh yeah. Those nasty bugs always make you ill. They turn you red, make you a million degrees hot, turn your clothes inside out, give you a bad case of bed head and turn your liver blue with green polka dots. They attack without warning, just like sand sharks. Actually, I heard they were in cahoots with the sand sharks." Deidara smirked.

Naruto's eyes widen comically as he began to pat himself down in case he still had a flu-bug on him. Deidara watched on, amusement shining in his eyes as he restrained himself from laughing at the younger boy's expense.

Yukika chuckled at the sight, causing Sakura to look up at her mother in surprise. If Deidara were to judge the pink haired girl's reaction correctly then it would seem Yukika rarely laughed.

After dinner the two females went about doing the dishes, talking quietly to each other as Sakura would giggle at something Yukika would say.

They made it difficult to treat them like potential enemies as the two seemed completely harmless, with Yukika scrubbing a pan and Sakura creating bubbles.

Naruto watched as Sakura and Yukika washed the dishes, laughing when Sakura splashed water over both of them.

"Nii-san?" Naruto said quietly, still watching the mother and daughter.

"Un?"

"…What was Mom like?"

That threw Deidara for a loop. Looking at the younger boy, Deidara gave him a puzzled look.

_How should I know what__his mom was like?_ Deidara thought bewildered.

_Maybe he's not referring to his._ The stoic voice said logically.

_Yeah, maybe he's talkin' about yours._ The childish one chipped in.

_Okay, WHY would he ask about my mom un?_

_Deidara, the boy thinks you're his brother. Maybe he thinks you both have the same parents?_

_That's crazy. He can't be that ignorant about how families work!_

_Maybe, maybe not. He is an orphan and he has lived pretty much by himself till very recently, so there is a possibility he is unaware. He is only six._

Deidara bit his lip. Telling Naruto about his mother would help solidify their relationship, but this was his mother they were talking about! Those memories were very precious to him.

But then again, Naruto didn't even have any memory of family. He'd been alone his whole life.

_Maybe…I can tell him some stuff. Little things, like her appearance or something._

_Worth a shot._

_Go for it._

After coming to an agreement Deidara looked down at the soup. "She was very beautiful, with long flowy brunette hair, and the most captivating hazel eyes, with a little bit of freckles. She was a bit loud, but loving. She was the one who showed me that Dad and I were artists, though Dad denied that." Deidara chuckled.

Naruto had shifted his cerulean blues onto the older boy, whose eyes had gone misty as he remembered. Deidara didn't notice.

"She and Dad were the polar opposite, where she was bright, cheerful and had the shortest fuse ever, Dad was quiet, poised and always kept a level head no matter what. I…I miss them." Deidara had whispered the last bit, but Naruto had managed to hear it nonetheless.

"They sounded nice. Do we look like Dad?" Naruto asked, a very soft expression on his face as he imagined his parents.

"Yeah. I more then you un."

Naruto then quirked an eyebrow. "Nii-san, why do you say 'un'?"

Deidara tilted his head slightly, giving the boy a funny look.

"What do you mean I say 'un'?"

"You finish a lot of your sentences with the word 'un'. Why?"

"No I don't." Deidara gave him a bland look.

"Yes you do, I've heard you!" Naruto insisted.

"Yeah right un."

"See! You just did it again!"

"Did not."

"Did too."

"Not."

"Too."

"Not."

"Too."

"Not."

"Too."

"Not un."

"Hah! You did it again!"

"Seriously Naruto, this ain't funny."

"But you did do it!"

"He's r-right, y-you did j-just say 'un'." Yukika said quietly, amused by the word trade.

"I do not say 'un', un!"

Naruto tried a different approach, wanting to stop arguing with his brother but not wanting to drop the subject.

"Okay, okay Nii-san, you don't say 'un'. But can you tell me if one of our parents used to say it?"

Deidara rolled his eyes. "Yeesh no! Dad always spoke properly. Though," Deidara said looking hesitant, remembering something. "Mom did have a habit of finishing most of her sentences with 'yeah'."

Naruto sweat dropped before drinking down the rest of his juice._Did Nii-san pick it up from Mom without even realizing it? Really, 'un' and 'yeah' has the same meaning! But… maybe he picked up her quirk as a memento? Old Man said he took up smoking from his father_.

Naruto knew from the kid's in the orphanage that family loss created all sorts of odd habits. He recalled this one girl with hair buns was obsessed with weapons because her father had been a weapons master.

He had heard that she once broke into the ANBU's weaponry because she wanted one of their katana's but got caught.

Naruto nodded, smiling brightly. "That's neat Big Brother! Mom and Dad sounded like great people!"

Deidara nodded somberly, losing himself in memories.

Naruto, interpreting this as sadness, tried to cheer him up. "Don't be sad Nii-san! You still got me, and as long as I live I'll never abandon you, because like you I don't want to be alone anymore! Yeah!"

"Um, Uzumaki-kun?" Yukika said gently. Both boy's turned to look at her, the younger curious while the older apprehensive.

"W-would y-you l-like t-to play w-with S-Sakura?"

Naruto eyes looked ready to pop out of his head. The lady wanted him to play with her daughter? Really? No parent ever let him play with their kids before!

Grinning hugely Naruto bobbed his head up and down so much it look ready to pop off.

"Please! Yeah!"

Before they could say anymore though Naruto had already grabbed the startled girl's hand, running to the living room where he had seen some toys earlier.

Deidara watched as the two disappeared around the door before looking back at Yukika with a faux smile. "I better make sure they don't break anything un."

A lithe hand stopped him from getting up. Looking up he saw Yukika smiling down at him and immediately felt his blood chill. The smile she had on was to any civilian just that, a good natured smile. But he'd seen that kind of smile before, usually on a torture specialist that had gone off the deep end.

"P-please st-stay seated. W-we have a l-lot to talk a-about." She said sweetly.

It was then that Deidara realized his clay pouch was missing when he had tried to get some.

"I-I had to y-your things to i-insure w-we could talk l-like civilized hu-humans." Yukika said as removed her hand, getting herself a cup of coffee.

"W-would y-you like anything to d-drink, Jibaku-san?"

Deidara paled, looking at the lady's neutral face. _Oh shit._

"No? That's fine." She said amiably before sitting down across from him.

Deidara glared at the lady as he berated himself for chalking her up as a non-danger. He had been out cold, and any sane person who lived in a shinobi village would know to search a person's body before considering taking them into their own homes.

He contemplated rushing at her and ripping out her throat with one of his hand-mouth's when she spoke again.

"Jibaku-san, p-please remember that Uzumaki-kun is in the n-next room over. It w-would be tragic if s-something terrible w-were to happened to the d-dear boy. After all; y-you n-need him, don't y-you?"

Deidara never thought stuttering could sound so dangerous. Coupled with the momentary detrimental look in her eyes she looked positively evil.

_Not good, she knows what I am, knows I'm using Fishcake, and probably knows I'm behind the terrorist attacks._

_What worries me the most is her calm demeanor about this whole thing; she seems very confident. Do you think she's a former kunoichi?_ Stoic voice said thoughtfully.

_Dude, she has to be! Either that or still is! Normal people would not have played their parts this well unless they act for a living!_ The younger one practically yelled at his other head-voice comrade.

Yukika continued to smile as she spoke. "D-don't w-worry Jibaku-san, I w-won't turn y-you in. W-well, not unless y-you provoke me and keep your tongues out of sight; it was very surprising seeing them on your hands when I had removed the gloves earlier. Y-you and I are…similar cases and it w-would be more beneficial for us if w-we w-worked together."

Deidara stared warily at the lady. "By similar you mean…?" Deidara let his sentence trail, wanting to know what she meant as he tugged his gloves off discretely.

"I'll tell y-you some other time, right now is the time to conduct business." She said levelly. Deidara had noticed that her stuttering was slowly but surely disappearing, making him wonder if it was part of her act or if she genuinely had an speaking impediment.

"Y-ou as far as I can tell don't w-want to be found, that's w-why y-you befriended the villages pariah, then using y-your and his l-looks and his orphan status y-you made a plausible story to appeal to the Hokage, and is doing a mostly good job of keeping yourself hidden. Am I right?"

Deidara glared at the woman, who took his silence as an answer.

"W-what I don't understand is w-why y-you are ruining y-your chances of staying undetected by blowing up the properties and the denizens."

Deidara growled. "Those bastards get on my nerves."

"Oh? So Uzumaki-kun has n-nothing to do with these explosions?"

"You said so yourself; I need him if I want to survive here. If they're stupid enough to attack my means of survival, I will retaliate."

"So he's just a tool to y-you?"

"Heh. What else?"

"I…see. Then w-working together may prove difficult."

Deidara smirked. "Who says I'm going to work with you?"

Yukika was about to answer that when she got very still, her eyes widening. Looking carefully down the woman found a clay centipede around her waist.

"I really hate it when people assume they can control me because I'm a kid." Deidara sighed but his smirk didn't leave his face.

Yukika smiled warmly at him, though it never reached her semi-curtained eyes as she fiddled with her cup. "I see, you had clay in those mouths the whole time."

Before Deidara could respond, a scream was heard.

"MAMA! Naruto all red and spazzing on the floor!" Sakura yelled, first surprising Deidara with how loud the quiet girl had been to suddenly looking at Yukika who still had that smile on with a dark amused look in her eyes.

"What the hell did you do?"

"The drinks I gave out had an adrenaline inducer that one can usually find in energy drinks that makes the drinker's blood pump faster with physical excursion like training or playing. Normally the amount in energy drinks isn't harmful. The cup that Uzumaki-kun drank out of however was laced with my chakra which, had you decided to attack me during our chat, would enhance the inducer quite a bit. I'd give him twenty minutes before his heart implodes from beating too fast."

Deidara stared in shock at the lady. The psychotic bitch!

"Stop it. Now." Deidara growled.

Yukika tilted her head. "Why? He's only you pawn right? If anything I'm being merciful to him, letting him die before you can show your true face to him. He has suffered greatly you know, it would pain my heart to see him betrayed by someone he sees as his brother."

"MAMA! NARUTO'S BREATHING! IT'S GETTING WORSE AND HE WON'T STOP CONVULSING!"

Deidara for the first time since his parent's felt unadulterated fear for another person's life. Bolting from his chair Deidara shunshined to the living room where Naruto looked like he was suffering a very bad seizure as Sakura stood helplessly by, tears in her wide eyes.

Turning around he saw Yukika walking in, the smile absent from her face, eyes blank.

"Stop it or I will kill you and your daughter." Deidara hissed, not loud enough for the panicking girl to hear though.

"You'd be doing us a favor if you did." She replied equally as quiet.

Deidara looked back at Naruto. The boy looked as though he had just been exposed to his corrupted chakra!

He couldn't do anything, Naruto's blood was racing too fast, and soon his organs were going to shut down from over work.

Time seemed to slow down for a moment when the boy's eyes connected, Deidara wide in hopelessness and Naruto's pleading.

Then Naruto gave a sudden lurch, then stopped moving altogether.

Deidara checked for vital signs but to his increasing horror there was none.

Staring into the whiskered boy's eyes, Deidara found them trapped in a permanent gaze of fear, confusion and hope as the glaze look of death that Deidara knew so well were apparent on the boy.

Naruto was dead.

Deidara felt a horrible sensation, one he knew all too well but never wanted to experience again. The feeling of loss.

Sakura wailed piteously, as Deidara felt all feeling in him go numb, a hollowing feel taking place.

Turning to the white hair witch to blow her to pieces when she spoke again.

"His death can be averted. He will be alive and won't even know what transpired here in your head."

Deidara looked back at the lifeless boy. He hadn't felt this much despondency and pain since his parents were killed by that Grass-nin.

To his silent horror and terror the loneliness was returning as the only person who had ever welcomed him with open arms with no fear or hatred for his Kekkei genkai laid dead at his feet.

Then something occurred to him amidst his numbed mind.

"What did you mean, 'transpired here in my head'?"

Yukika smiled.

And like a glass vase hitting the floor the world around him cracked and shattered.

* * *

On retrospect, he really shouldn't be reporting this on the day after another attack but now seemed like a good time as the Uchiha genius needed to report to the Hokage anyway.

Itachi was a decent judge of character. Not the best or even a good one, but decent enough to tell when one lied or was trying to hoodwink him, making them easy to read.

Uzumaki Deidara despite his loud persona and short temper was very hard to read, and that honestly scared Itachi a little.

People valued those who could lock their emotions away and were dang near impossible to read, like him.

But Itachi knew from experience that those who let their emotions show but had complete control over them was just as dangerous, if not more so.

He was the former but he had a very good feeling that the blonde was the latter.

And there was also the way the elder Uzumaki acted that caused apprehensiveness in the Jounin. Something was wrong with the blonde, but it wasn't the problems that were supposed to be there. Over the past few days he had known the boy, he had done several very un-civilian like things.

He would slip unconsciously in a taijutsu form, His hands would twitch like a ninja's would when retrieving a weapon or a possible hand sign, had eyes that always seemed to be calculating, and from what Hana-san said he smelled strongly of chemicals, and was thinking steps ahead of everyone else his age. He had also killed before.

The problem was, what did it mean? The taijutsu wouldn't hard to explain; just watching older ninja practice would be enough to pick up a few things here and there and he'd seen civilian kid's try to mimic them all the time, same with the twitches. The chemical smell was even easier to explain away, as he had confirmed the claim of living next to a cleaning factory and the industrial unit routinely aired it out and if they have been living there a long time it would only be natural for their scent to start smelling like it.

And thinking ahead could just mean the blonde was very smart, or had forced himself to think ahead. After all he was an orphan supporting his brother and worked any jobs he could get a hold of which, though not common sadly wasn't unheard of. As for the calculating eyes… well the kid probably had been cheated out of good things and was forced to grow up faster then others.

And killing? As a shinobi it happened, nothing the pacifist Sharingan user could do about that, but a civilian? Yes, self defense was sometimes necessary in a ninja village, and there were all manners of sicko's out there that preyed on children.

And yet Itachi didn't like it. He couldn't think of a reason _why_ it should bother him that Deidara wasn't acting like the ten year old he was suppose to be, but it did. It bothered him when he saw Deidara accidentally shift into taijutsu forms that he shouldn't have encountered. It bothered more when he saw that scheming look in the blonde's eyes. And it really bothered him when Deidara pulled that stunt on Naruto, showing him his darker side.

Itachi had been downright edgy when that happened, because yes sometimes killing people was the only way for a civilian to survive certain scenarios. But Deidara had proven that not only had he taken a life before, but had shown very little regards about murdering someone. That total disregards for human life alone told him the boy had either learned to bottle the self torment of spilling blood on his hands or had killed lots of times, getting to a point he had become indifferent to bloodshed.

Itachi was pretty sure it was the latter, seeing as Naruto had been reported to having been attacked more then once, sometimes to the point of near death.

Kami knows he'd murder in cold blood too if Sasuke was ever exposed to such abuse.

Itachi finally reached the Hokage Tower, not in the least bit surprised to see everyone that worked there running around like chickens with their heads cut off.

Walking up to the Taro, the Hokage's currently disheveled headed secretary.

"Hokage-sama had wanted to see me." The raven haired boy said. Taro looked up with blood shot eyes, telling Itachi the man had yet to go home from the previous day.

"Go in, but make it quick. He's about to go mad. I miss Deidara-san…" Taro said piteously, causing Itachi to raise a thin eyebrow. Deidara had been here?

Going in the room, Itachi was immediately hit by the insane amount of killer intent that radiated all over the room.

Looking at the Hokage, Itachi was starting to have second thoughts about bothering him. The elderly man looked positively homicidal.

"Hokage-sama." The boy greeted.

Sarutobi looked up, his left eye twitching uncontrollably.

"Yes Itachi-kun?"

Itachi steeled himself. This was going to be a long chat.

* * *

PD


	14. Deals between lesser evils

**My Wish Order Brother**

Author: PiperDreamer

Rating: Rated: M

Genre: General, AU

edited: 04/07/12

* * *

**Chapter 14: Deals between lesser evils**

* * *

Deidara blinked rapidly, his breathing labored as sweat trickled down his brow. He was back in the kitchen dinning area, still sitting across from Yukika. The woman was perfectly calm, drinking her coffee as though it was a normal occurrence to wear an explosive centipede around her waist like some manic belt that belonged to a psychopath with the trigger sitting barely a table width away from her.

_Naruto!_ Deidara thought franticly as he shunshined to the room. Unlike in the genjutsu Naruto wasn't dying on the floor, instead he was building a castle out of blocks with Sakura.

Looking up the blonde haired boy grinned widely. "Look Nii-san! We're building Konoha! Yeah!"

Relief flooded the ten year old as he said in a relieved voice. "That's great Naruto."

"Niisan, are you okay? You're kinda pale. Yeah."

"I'm fine. Go back to your playing un."

"Okay! Yeah!"

Walking back to the room Deidara fixed Yukika with a glare that would have caused a buffalo to drop dead. Yukika didn't seem to notice.

"When did you-"

Yukika cut him off. "You were trapped in my genjutsu after you told me you don't like being controlled."

Deidara recap what happened moments ago.

"_I really hate it when people assume they can control me because I'm a kid." Deidara sighed but his smirk didn't leave his face._

_Yukika smiled warmly at him, though it never reached her semi-curtained eyes as she fiddled with her cup._

Fiddled with her cup… of course. She wasn't fidgeting; she had been making hand seals. And like some greenhorn rookie he fell for it. Deiddara was pissed, at both the lady in front of him and himself.

Setting the cup down Yukika spoke as she pushed her hair out of her face. "The Genjutsu you experienced will become a reality if you try something like that again. Please retain yourself, if only for Uzumaki-kun's sake."

Deidara's eyes narrowed. The lady's demeanor had change from a stuttering threatening weirdo to a sociopathic torture specialist. He didn't even need to see his hand to know it was shaking, albeit slightly but shaking none the less.

Yukika smile sinisterly, Deidara studying the now uncover face. She had high cheek bones, earrings bow sharply with a circle on the center left sides, long white eyelashes that seemed to fan out elegantly, making her emerald orbs stand out even more as they stopped showing kindness and gleamed lethally. She was undeniably beautiful, the only flaw being a small burn mark that stretched across the left side of her face and neck. Carefully he ordered the centipede away from her. The evil look melted to one of pleasantness.

"Now that we're not actively trying to off each other, shall we begin?"

Taking the boy's silence as an initiate to go on Yukika spoke again.

"You are a wanted criminal, S-class for terrorism, anarchy, genocide of nearly the entire Grass Daimiyo's family, murdering Iwa's council, bombing a third of Iwa's village and instgating a civil war with them, mearly starting a war between Rock and Waterfall, and many many more, and that's just the stuff we know. I'm sure impersonating a civilian, terrorizing a village and killing people who peeved you off isn't going to help you out. You're just lucky no one knows what you look like or how old you really are."

"I'm assuming digging up my past has a reason, or are you just going to hand me over to the ANBU now?" Deidara asked tersely, though a little surprised he got bumped up from B-class to S-class. _Man, I'm good!_

"As I said earlier, I won't turn you in unless you provoke me. Right now you are friendless with only some jobs you managed to gain from Hokage-sama, not to mention you allied yourself to Uzumaki-kun of all people. I commend you on that though, the poor boy really does need a family or someone stable in his life other then the Hokage, though I still stand by my words; if he's nothing but a pawn to you, then killing him would be more merciful. That way he at least dies believing he had a loving brother."

Deidara glared murderously at the white haired woman. How dare she threaten Naruto!

"If you so much as blink at him wrong, I'll destroy you, your daughter and the rest of this goddamn village!" Deidara nearly yelled, his body protesting against the small but potent killer intent he unleashed. Normally that wasn't enough to hurt him but he was still on the mend, but he really couldn't care less. Anyone stupid enough to harm Naruto would be put down. Painfully.

Two sets of tiny feet thudded deafeningly to the former Iwa-nin ears, causing Yukika to abruptly stand up, pull her hair back in a curtain as she busied herself in the kitchen just as Naruto and Sakura came into view. "Nii-san, what's wrong? You were yelling! Yeah!"

"N-nothing, deary. Y-your brother and I-I w-were just agreeing on how w-we w-would react if someone w-were to hurt our p-precious p-people."

Naruto tilted his head as he squinted his eyes shut, adopting a confused look. Sakura's eyes widen before she mumbled something that sounded something like 'Moma didn't stutter as bad as normal'.

"Go play Naruto." Deidara ordered, keeping his eyes on Yukika.

"Okay Nii-san. Yeah." Naruto agreed reluctantly as he grabbed Sakura hand. The girl jumped before shielding her face, as though preparing to get hit. Yukika saw this, a sad yet worried look flooded her eyes.

Naruto looked between mother and daughter before something dawned in his mind, causing him to try and softly reach for Sakura.

"Sakura-chan? Can we play some more? Yeah?" He spoke with utmost gentleness, as though afraid to see her shatter.

The pink haired girl lowered her arms, peering at Naruto shyly and a bit warily. Nodding her head once the duo left.

Yukika smiled at the exchange before looking back at Deidara blandly. "Y-you deny it fervently with your w-words and many of your actions, but you still have a c-conscience. That's g-good to know."

_Why is she stuttering again? We both know it's an act! And why doesn't she stay on topic?_ Deidara thought with a mental groan.

"Tell me Jibaku-san, do y-you have difficulty getting medical attention?"

"Quit beating around the bush!" The blonde said harshly.

Yukika sighed. "So i-impatient. I-it's a w-wonder how y-you survived as a ninja. I-If y-you continue to stay by Uzumaki-kun's side y-you will be needing lots of medical supplies because as y-you probably already know, the hospital w-will kick y-you out, I-I work there so I-I've seen this. I-I'm offering my services, to be y-yours and Uzumaki-kun's nurse w-when ever y-you need it. And if y-your interested, I-I can act as Uzumaki-kun's teacher, as he seems to be behind in some subjects, or I-I c-could teach you some medical jutsu's that w-would help y-you g-greatly in the long run, and as I-I had said before I-I w-will not rat y-you out, so long as y-you don't give me reason."

Deidara eyes narrowed. True he didn't have a lot of options, and getting your own personal nurse was rather beneficial. But at what cost? "The catch un?"

Yukika smiled, though it was partially hidden by her hair. _Which covers her entire burn mark._ Deidara noted.

"Y-you have to be Sakura's g-guardian." Yukika said as though it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Deidara face vaulted. Picking himself up the boy gave the woman a look of pure disbelief. That's it? She wanted him to babysit her brat? No studying his Kekkei genkai? No information on Iwa?

It was official; Konoha was populated by morons and nut jobs. He was seriously wondering if his theory about how the many trees made people act insane wasn't off.

"…Why?" the boy said suspiciously, wondering why she wanted that. It couldn't be because the Haruno's were nobility; it was against the law for them to practice the shinobi arts, so maybe they were being hunted? But by who or what?

"My_husband_ w-works full time and so do I, and since Sakura is still too y-young for the academy I need someone to w-watch her w-when I-I can't."

"So you just want a free babysitter." Deidara stated more then asked, wondering how the hell he got stuck in this mess, though he did catch the way she said husband. She really didn't sound very happy about.

_So babysitting for medical help huh? That's new._Deidara glared hatefully at the woman. _I can't believe I fell for that genjutsu! I underestimated her. She'll pay, the hag._

"No, y-your g-getting paid by means of medical attention and a place t-to stay if y-you need it, and I-I can be an alibi i-if y-you need one."

Deidara thought his options over. On one hand he was getting a doctor, someone who could cover up for him if necessary and get him supplies. On the other, this woman had drugged the drink Naruto had to implode his heart on her command, trapped him in a genjutsu, and had information on him that would get him killed if it got out.

Yukika sighed. "You need me kid. I have connections, and you need 'friends'. You already did a good job so far, but you can't get much further along on your own. Plus if you do leave the village, you'll need those connections to get you out of Fire in one piece. You need this deal, Naruto needs it. It's a win-win."

_Strange. When she stutters she seems less confident and hunches a bit while keeping her hands over her chest as though to block something and head down slightly. But when she doesn't stutter, she stands straight, hands behind her back and holds her head high and seems very confident. Does this lady have a personality disorder?_

_Perhaps. But what about her offer?_

Deidara frowned. It was a good deal, but to be honest he hated this lady. She knew about him but he didn't know much about her other then she was a mom, worked at the hospital and was a bipolor psycho bitch.

That and she got him caught up in a genjutsu, the ugly hag.

But Naruto...

He remembered the look of delight when Yukika asked if he wanted to play with Sakura. Now that Deidara thought about it, Yukika may have been the first adult (with the exception of the Hokage) to speak so kindly to him or let him play with their child.

_This village is screwed up un._ Deidara thought bitterly.

Yukika offer was more then that, it was an escape without repercussion. When he leaves this village she could get him and Naruto to another country safely.

_Wait, did I just plot to take Fishcake with me?_ Deidara thought in wonder. Like that would ever happen. _He's loud, annoying, eats like the bottomless pit, and would drag me down! Why the hell would I bring him?_

_You're lonely. Ever since you met Naruto you've been happier, because deep down you do want a family again, someone to actually care for. You've killed to protect him, and created a whole new life because of him. You care._

That caused Deidara to do a mental double take. He the homicidal, clinically insane artist cared? Sure he was lonely before meeting Naruto, but he hadn't known the kid THAT long! Barely a week!

But Naruto reminded him of himself so much that it was kinda scary, and if he left him here, he was bound to get brutally murdered by the moronic denizens of the village.

A Happy trusting Naruto flashed across his mind, the whiskered boy's words echoing in his head.

_Don't be sad Nii-san! You still got me, and as long as I live I'll never abandon you, because like you I don't want to be alone anymore! Yeah!_

_I don't want to be alone either un._ Deidara thought, as he glared hatefully at the woman. _I'll keep him around till I get bored of him. He's just a form of entertainment, that's all._

"I want to hear what going on outside of the village, and a place to train. If you do anything to Naruto, I will make you wish I had killed you."

"Then we have an accord?" Yukika asked, holding out her lithe hand.

"Yeah un." Deidara answered, gripping her hand. He smirked when she jerked away from his hand, wiping the slime of her own.

"Great. Sakura! Came here please!"

Soon the pink locks girl and whiskered face boy entered the room, looking up expectantly.

"Deidara-san has agreed to be y-your babysitter! Y-you'll be spending the night, so go pack! Y-you help her Uzumaki-kun!" Yukika said cheerfully. The kid's eyes widen before Naruto hoorah-ed before grabbing Sakura's hand and running out the room.

"What! I didn't agree to let her spend the night!"

"Y-you did, the moment y-you agreed to the terms y-you became her guardian. I-I don't w-want her here tonight so she'll be at y-your place. Y-you can return her later i-in the evening tomorrow."

"I work tomorrow!"

"Bring her along."

"I can't do that!"

"Sure y-you can. Just tell them y-your babysitting as a part time job."

"I hate you, un."

"No love was lost. Oh, and here's your pouch of clay and weapons."

In record time the two children were back, Sakura carrying a small pack.

"Ready to go! Yeah!" Naruto yelled enthusiastically before looking at the floor. "Nii-san? Why is your art out?"

"It's a gift for Haruno. Un."

"Sweet! It looks like a real life centipede! Yeah!"

Deidara smiled proudly at the compliment as he left the kitchen to stand by the door, Naruto trailing behind him as Yukika and Sakura talked.

As soon as they were out of ear shot of the females, Naruto looked worriedly up at Deidara. "Nii-san? Can we stay at the other apartment tonight?"

"Other apartment?" This was news to Deidara. He wasn't aware they had another apartment.

"Well you see, awhile back my neighbor keeled over, I picked her pocket before they took her body away so that I could have her apartment instead of my real one because I got tired of my stuff getting destroyed."

"Okay, why do you want to take her to the other apartment?"

"Because nobody but the old man knows about that apartment. It's our safe place, yeah."

_That makes sense, in a weird sorta way._"Sure. Un."

A brilliant grin flooded Naruto's face. "Thanks Nii-san! Yeah!"

Sakura then appeared with Yukika, smiling brightly.

"Now don't t-talk to strangers. Be g-good, remember to be polite and don't bug Deidara-san t-too much, okay?"

Sakura kept staring at her mother in awe, making Deidara wonder just how often Yukika stuttered if her own daughter was stunned by her near lack of speak impediment.

"I-I love y-you sweetie."

"Love you too Kaa-san." Sakura whispered happily.

Turning her viridian eyes to Deidara, Yukika gave a stern look. "Keep her safe."

The ex-Iwa nin nodded before opening the door. The two kid's followed after him, Yukika watching happily.

_How the hell did I get talked into this?_ The bomber thought agitatedly before momentarily freezing up when something attached itself onto the back of his pants. Looking down, he came face to face with a green eyed girl who had a death grip on his pant leg.

"Yes?" He asked a bit carefully, not really sure what to do.

"Thanks for letting me stay. And for whatever you did for Mama. I don't remember her talking so clearly before." She spoke very softly.

"Um, no problem." _Your Mother is a flaming nutso, who had just black mail me into the job, but don't worry, I'm sure it's just her PMSing._ He thought as he grinned down at her in a friendly fashion.

The little girl blushed, burying her head into his leg as she muffled something.

Naruto grinned slyly, something that looked strangely fox-like on him.

"Aww, Nii-san gotta a girlfriend!"

A tick developed on Deidara's forehead as he yelled, "She's too young to be my girlfriend!"

"No she's not, she's the same age as me! Yeah!"

Sakura blushed even harder, an embarrassed but happy smile filtering across her face. She liked these two. They were funny and nice, and made Mama talk a bit normal.

Deidara sighed miserably. _How did I get talked into this?_

* * *

Yukika watched fondly as the boy's took her daughter away. Under normal circumstances she would have never allowed Sakura to leave with people she had only met a day previous. But events had forced her.

Thanks to Deidara's little stunts, she was needed at the hospital more then ever and balancing several different info nets, meaning Sakura would have to be left in Damasu's 'care'.

Her husband Damasu was a fiend, cursing everyone he knows. He was a dangerous drunk and corroded by failure and envy and hate. Had she not been desperate at the time she would have never married the bastard.

At the time she had been pregnant, and not wanting anyone to find out who the real father was she got married in a hurry. When she gave birth she had done it in the privacy of her own home while Damasu was away. That day had been one of pain and sadness but it was needed to protect Sakura as it was the only day she was guaranteed to perform the necessary seals on her new born child.

Though she would always love _him_ till the end of her days, he had left a legacy that would have made Sakura just as hated as the poor Uzumaki child.

Damasu didn't scare her. Him alone with her daughter at any giving time scared her.

She almost killed him the first time he attempted to strike Sakura, but managed to stop herself. It was easy pretending to be a abused woman, what when she could trap Damasu in a genjutsu that made him think he was abusing her, even though it made him look like a raving lunatic to Sakura. That was way Sakura was so flinchy around most adults. She really hoped she would grow out of her fears.

Damasu was a chunin, and not a very good one at that. He wasn't much but the man had connections to the underground thus making him, unfortunately, valuable.

It was a pity Damasu still had his uses; Yukika would have butchered the drunkard years ago. But the man had connections, connections she frequently used and was still assimilating into her control.

Yukika had very few social friends as most of her other 'friends' were rather shady characters so finding some to take Sakura in without calling the police for possible child abuse and assault was next to impossible. And she had no intention of dealing with the Uchia's.

Then Jibaku and Uzumaki-kun showed up like some demented blessing.

Because of her connections, she heard about things faster then most and more accurately. Though she really was surprised at how young Jibaku really was and just how dangerous he truly could get. Judging by what she saw him do to those villagers he was ruthless, tactic, impulsive and quick to anger yet still had a good heart if the show of his overly protectiveness of Uzumaki-kun was any indication.

It was a sad day if she was more readily willing to entrust her Sakura's safety to a walking bomb then to let her stay the night in the same house as Damasu.

Closing the door, she quietly walked over to the kitchen counter where a single daffodil stood in a vase.

_Give me hope, give me might. So that I can stand my ground, and not take flight._

_**Damasu will be home soon. Drunks probably already thinking about hitting us.**_ A voice sneered.

Yukika promptly locked that voice up. It would do no good to have it take over now.

She nearly jumped when the door banged open, before she turned with a sneer. Damasu. She wasn't even on that side of the apartment and could smell the alcohol reeking off him.

"Yukika! Where's the food, I'm starved." He slurred slightly, his eyes blood shot.

"I-I haven't m-m-made i-it y-yet, I-I-I had-d-d b-bean b-bus-s-sy t-today." She said, stuttering as she shot through rapid hand signs.

Alcohol played having on his senses, and for a moment his eyes glazed over, showing Yukika that he was in the thrulls of the genjutsu.

"Why not? I work 'en slave fur hours and you don't even have dinn'r ready?" He yelled getting closer to the wall on the opposite side if her.

He swayed there for a moment before punching the wall.

"QUIT YOUR DAMN STUTTERING WOMAN! KAMI YOUR SO DAMN ANNOYING!" he yelled before punching the wall again.

Yukika rolled her eyes. "Like dealing with a big, ugly baby." She muttered. As he continued to hit the wall, Yukika grimaced as she left the room, unwrapping a bandage that was around her wrist. She had 'work' to do.

_Give me hope, give me might. So that I can stand my ground, and not take flight._ She thought, thinking that sentence over and over like a mantra.

* * *

Deidara had made it to the apartment complex with no casualties that he was aware of (though this was probably because there was hardly anyone of the streets, not with a terrorist on the loose) and had gone to the apartment Naruto had requested. Now though he was about to say 'screw it' and go to the other, cleaner, safer and hygienic apartment.

The place was a dump! Even the cockroaches didn't tread here because of the disgusting shape it was in! The walls had fist size holes in them, the ceiling was rotting inwards, everything in here was vandalized and looked contaminated, and pieces of the floor were missing showing the pipe work under it! No wonder Naruto pilfered a corpse for the other apartment keys, this place should be condemned!

Naruto looked around before saying cheerfully, "Hey! They haven't touched it from last time! That's cool. Yeah."

Sakura peeked around, having yet to let go of him. The look on her face said exactly what he thought of the place.

Looking at Sakura Naruto gave an embarrass smile. "Welcome to the Uzumaki residence. Yeah."

Before she could reply, Deidara turned around, placing the two behind him as he stared at the busted door ready to strike. A moment later a fat man walked into view, giving a look of surprise upon seeing Deidara there.

"Uzumaki Deidara?"

"Yeah un?"

"It's the landlord." Naruto whispered to Sakura though Deidara did hear it.

The man fixed him with a scornful glare as though the boy had just proven he was a monster. "The Hokage wants to see you. There is ninja's waitin' for you downstairs."

"Right. Let's go."

Leading the kids to the stairs (because he was not going to leave them in a room where you would need a tetanus shot after just touching something) the trio where met by two Jounin's. One had a senbon in his mouth as though it was a straw wearing a backwards bandana that covered most of his brunet hair, the other had sunglasses and wore his hitai-ite in a crooked manner.

"You must be the kid we heard about. The paperwork miracle worker." The sunglasses one spoke.

"The Hokage told us to get you to him. They stay." The senbon chewer stated, looking at Naruto and Sakura.

"No one's here to watch them so they will be coming or I won't be going." Deidara stated.

The Jounin's looked surprised, not expecting that.

"Fine by me. Just don't be rude little girl." The man in sunglasses spoke again, missing the sudden pissed look that flashed across Deidara's face.

Then something very unexpected happened. The sunglasses man was suddenly socked in the face with Sakura's backpack and kicked in the groin by Naruto.

"Don't call Deidara-kun a girl!" Sakura yelled, surprising Deidara at the volume of her voice as she had previously only spoke in whispers and mumbles. _Don't tell me she's bipolar too._

"Don't you ever call my Nii-san girly you twot head! Yeah!" Naruto declared loudly.

The senbon chewer winced. "Did I fail to mention that Deidara is a guy and absolutely hates being mistaken for a girl?"

"Yes. Yes you did, Genma." The glasses Jounin said in a strained voice, doubled over in pain from getting kicked in the family jewels at full force and a nearly broken nose.

"Whoops. Sorry Aoba."

* * *

And poor Deidara, still in denial.

I had re-wrote this, and changed large parts in it. It just fits better in the story.

Review!

PD


	15. Amesha, Rival

**My Wish Order Brother**

Author: PiperDreamer

Rating: Rated: M

Genre: General, AU

edited: 04/07/12

* * *

**Chapter 15: Amesha, Rival**

* * *

Deidara always wondered if it was just an anomaly of all official procedures or his curse that caused the paperwork to get ridiculously huge in less then twenty-four hours.

Either way, Taro the secretary looked disturbingly euphoric when he saw him.

"Deidara-san!" Taro said with joy tackling the young blonde. Deidara tensed up, not being use to touches.

"You've come to liberate me from helping with the paperwork!"

"Uh, no. Hokage-sama summoned me here, that is all. Besides, I only do paperwork on Saturdays and today is Sunday. Un." The boy deadpanned.

Taro then got teary eyed, latching himself onto the boy's midriff and begged him to do the paperwork. Genma chuckled as he came to the blonde's rescue.

"Sorry Taro, but Hokage-sama wants him so stop sobbing on the poor kid. Aoba keep a good eye on those two will ya? I'll take Dei-Dei-chan here to the Hokage."

Aoba just stood by, glaring at the kids as he nursed his bruised ego while Genma grinned at the scowling blonde in front of him.

"Don't. Call. Me. That." the boy said seriously, wanting nothing more then to wedge that dang sendon down the bastard's throat. Genma just chuckled, ruffling the preteen's hair in an affectionate manner before pushing him into the room.

Deidara now stood in front of the Third who was half hidden behind his paperwork, having a pretty good idea why he was here. Uchiha like a good little ninja had reported the murders. Deidara was somewhat glad Genma had told Naruto and Sakura to stay in the lobby. He really didn't want to explain this to the whiskered faced boy.

"Deidara, I've just recently heard some troubling news about you." The old man started signaling Genma out of the room.

Deidara decided to remain quiet for the time in case something the elder said could be used.

"You have murdered some of Konoha's civilians in self defense. Normally killing in self defense isn't an issue, but from the way my source explained your response to me, it sounded like you had killed many times before." It was a statement.

Deidara adopted an angry expression. "They attacked first." He said helplessly, as though it hurt to think about it.

"Care to explain?" Sarutobi asked, lighting his pipe.

"They attacked Naruto. They always attack Naruto. Even before I became his legal brother! The villagers and sometimes ninja's try to hurt him or worse, kill him! Destroy him just because he's a little different! Murdered like Kaa-san and Tou-san!" Deidara raged.

He didn't need to fake the emotions he was feeling. He was thoroughly pissed at those people. The had beaten Naruto to the point of near death, his pained and pleading eyes begging him to stay by his side.

"Those people are as bad as them." He muttered to himself without realizing it, memories best forgotten forcing there way back up.

"Them Deidara-kun?" Sarutobi asked but got no answer. Deidara was shaking with built up rage and the agony of those memories.

_The brutal trainer's of the Iwa Academy pounding into his flesh, using everything to there advantage as they continued the lessons in withstanding physical assault. All the children hated them and secretly plotted their demises as the trainers would beat them within a inch of their lives, laughing, mocking as they struggled to survive the torment against their persons._

_They had several children they considered the best to torment, being Deidara and Kurotsuchi. The two were picked on and beaten the most, both inside and outside the classroom._

_But Deidara couldn't forget that day. Those monsters had taken him to a side room, and beat him relentlessly, calling him weak._

_How could they consider themselves strong if they had to duck tape his hands shut and tie him down first? They continued they're assault telling him to scream, beg them to stop but Deidara was too stubborn._

_Just like the Tsuchikage geezer._

_Then a pair of snippers came into view, a malicious grin on their faces. The terrorized boy knew then and there they were going to do what those grass-nin's did to his kin on the night of the invasion; cut out his hand-tongues._

_But mercifully it never happened. He would never admit to it but the sight of his grand-uncle busting down the door in a flurry of splinters, red with rage and emitting such a powerful aura it would have made the Rock jinchuriki's balk in fear was possibly the most relieving thing he ever saw._

_At that moment Deidara had felt safe, if only for a moment. But he knew, even after watching the public execution of those men that it would not be the last._

_And he was right. After several more beatings, enough was enough. The young boy of seven then destroyed the Academy, happily watching his tormenters eyes turn to utter terror before blowing up._

_Deidara soon after became a genin, and labeled an unstable and dangerous weapon. But they never attacked him again. They knew what he was capable of now. Only an idiot would try to abuse him now, and he wouldn't have it any other way._

_They whispered and hated him but they would never touch him. Never again._

Deidara jumped when a pair of strong arms held him tightly. Looking up he saw the sad face of the Fire Shadow. The ex-Iwa nin mentally bashed his head for allowing himself to get distracted so much that he was now being hugged by the enemy.

Sarutobi had watched the many emotions that flickered across the young boy's face; anger, hate, pain, fear, sadness and a homicidal gleam he was all too familiar with. Many children that had been orphaned, whether by the Third War or the Kyuubi, had to find a way to live and in those confusing and miserable times.

He had lost count of how many would kill in order to defend themselves from the cruelties that were made in the hearts of men who experience the after effects of those chaotic times, driven mad from loss of loved ones, forgetting that children are always the first to suffer.

And judging by what Deidara had said about his parents, the boy was either orphaned during the kyuubi attack or shortly after. Sarutobi noticed Deidara stiffened upon contact, looking ready to dart away. Beatings caused people to flinch away from contact, making Sarutobi believe the boy had suffered dearly even more. Letting the boy go, he wasn't surprised to see him back several steps away, looking at him warily.

"I will forgive the murders you have done in the past and write up as self-defense, but I warn you now; if I get anymore reports of civilians dying by your hand you will be arrested for voluntary man-slaughter. Do I make myself clear?"

Deidara just looked at the man, gapping. "You know I've killed them and your okay with it?"

"One cannot help it if they get attacked by someone. Oh, and I need you to tell me how many you've killed and where."

Thinking fast (and trying not to gape at his strange good luck) Deidara said, "Once after my parents died, the guy tried to suffocate me, another time when I was seven, the caretaker in the orphanage, he well…he would threaten to beat the boys to death if they didn't 'play' with him."

_This guy is such a sap for sob stories and horrible childhoods._ Deidara thought, watching the Hokage's face pale at the implemented.

"Did he-?"

"I killed him before he could do anything to me. Four guys after that, but those were during the attacks on Naruto. Sorry I can't remember most of there face's or any of their names."

Swiftly writing them down, Sarutobi began to plan sending Deidara to a psychiatrist and possible have Ibiki do just a psychological exam on the boy. He had expected one or two killings, but six?

"Um, thank you, Deidara-kun. You can leave now."

Looking around the room Deidara sighed. All that work he did yesterday, messed up. Walking to the nearest stack Deidara began to go through it, muttering angrily to himself. Sarutobi looked up, surprised.

Seeing the Hokage, Deidara rolled his eyes. "It took me five and a half hours yesterday to get through that pile of paperwork. If I wait till Saturday it'll just be even bigger. Now shut your trap and let me do this."

Closing his mouth (and being very surprised to be ordered by such a young boy) Sarutobi stood back as he watched the boy go through the paperwork like a machine.

* * *

"Is he done yet?"

"No."

"Is he done yet?"

"No."

"Is he done yet?"

"No."

"Is he done yet?"

"No."

"Is he done yet?"

"No."

"Is he done yet?"

"For the final time, NO!" Aoba yelled, glaring at the blonde from behind his shades.

He and Genma had been waiting in the hallway with the two children for nearly two hours. Wondering if he pissed off some deity, Aoba silently prayed for forgiveness, hoping the irked god heard him and relinquish the cruel punishment of being a babysitter to these brats.

Taro was currently playing checkers with the little girl Sakura and Naruto seemed reluctant to leave Aoba alone, asking the same question over and over the moment Deidara had left him to the evil little whiskered blonde.

"Is he done yet?"

"Listen kid, if you asked that question one more time, I'll do something extremely nasty to you." Aoba threatened.

"…Will he be leaving that room soon?"

Genma was forced to restrain Aoba who looked ready to strangle the kid. Mercifully the door opened, revealing a very happy Hokage and a bored looking Deidara.

"I am getting paid for fixing that, right un?"

"Of course, of course!" Came the jolly response. Sarutobi had never seen the paperwork disappear so fast, and in neat and orderly fashion too! Grant it, he still needed to go through the blue files as soon as possible but all in all he had the evening off!

"Nii-san!" Naruto yipped happily, tackling Deidara midriff.

The three Jounin's looked at one another before looking into the room. The previously disorganized office was now in a sensible systematic order.

All three looked back at Deidara, who seemed annoyed at having Naruto attached to him.

"He did that?" Genma said in wonder.

Taro looked teary eyed, a happy grin on his face. "Deidara-kun is wonder at this!"

The two boys and girl were about to walk away when Deidara stopped, turning to face the Hokage.

"Oh before I forget. I'm working tomorrow as well as the rest of the week. Please keep the paperwork under some control when it hits."

Sarutobi tilted his head, confusion written on his face. "When what hits?"

Deidara grinned. "The last terrorist attack hit the civilian main bank. There were over two-thirds of the village's civilian populations recorded in there. Records of savings and debts were damaged. I wouldn't be surprised if it sparks an economic recession worthy of the history books. Have a good day."

And with that Deidara left four gobsmacked ninja's behind.

* * *

Walking through the streets, Sakura and Naruto talked, or more like Naruto talked and Sakura politely listened to the boy babbling rant.

Deidara kept half an eye out for attacks but listened in on the conversation, finding the babbling funny mostly.

Yeah Naruto grated on his nerves from time to time but he wasn't all that bad. Annoying as hell, but an alright brat.

Then the short blonde stopped in his rant about a prank that involved an ANBU, super glue, peanuts and a dozen half-crazed flying squirrels, yelling out cheerfully, "Nii-san! Look Yeah! It's Ichiraku Raman Bar! Can we eat there? Please?"

Looking at where the boy was pointing, Deidara saw a small but comfy looking stall with a young girl and older man behind it, looking ready to close down for the day.

"Please, please, please, pleeeease? Yeah?" The boy said hopefully, big puppy eyes showing.

"That doesn't work on me and no. I don't have enough money on me for three." Lie, he just didn't want to eat ramen.

"But I know them! They're really nice and might just let us in for free! Please?"

"Can we? I've never been to there." Sakura said quietly, looking up through her bangs shyly.

"No un."

"Please yeah?"

"No un."

"Perdy please yeah?"

"…If I let you, you got to shut up, clear?"

"Clear! Yeah!"

"Ug…fine."

"Yay!"

Deidara soon found himself being half pulled, half dragged to the shop along with Sakura by the exuberant Naruto.

"Hey old man! Don't close up yet!"

The middle aged man stopped and turned. A huge smile expanded across his face. "Hey Ayame! Start some broth and noodles! Naruto's here!"

"Naruto-kun!" the lively brunette said happily as she smiled brightly at the young blonde.

"Oh! Friends Naruto-kun?" She said with surprise. It wasn't often that Naruto came with anyone other then the Hokage and that Iruka teen.

Grinning brightly the boy hoisted himself onto the stool as Deidara picked Sakura up and placed her on another, causing the girl to blush before sitting himself next to Naruto.

"Hi Ayame-nee-chan! What do you want Sakura-chan?"

"I'll…take some miso. Thank you." came the soft reply.

Looking at Deidara expectantly, the older boy shrugged. Naruto turned to the stand and called out. "Hey, old man Teuchi! Two bowls of your best for me and my brother!"

"Coming right up," Teuchi replied absentmindedly. It was a scant three seconds before the full impact of Naruto's order hit.

"Brother?" He and his daughter Ayame turned around so fast it nearly gave them whiplash, looking at who Naruto was talking about.

"Hi, un." Deidara waved, giving himself a mental note to bop Naruto on the head later.

It took several minutes to get Teuchi and Ayame breathing and moving again but as soon as they were they went to making the meal.

Both father and daughter looked the two over. Tanned skin, sunflower blonde hair, only slightly different blue eyes. These two couldn't be mistaken for anything else but related!

"Your Naruto's brother? How come I've never heard or seen you before?" Teuchi said, clearly confused.

"Nii-san works three jobs, sometimes four. Plus he was away for a while but the star brought him back to me!"

"Star?" Teuchi repeated, placing a bowl in front of the two youngest and pointedly ignoring the fact the boy looked ridiculously like a girl.

"He works four jobs at his age?" Ayame said, looking shocked at the older boy.

"Hey, someone gotta pay the bills and keep the bread on the table." Deidara said with a shrug. Leaning forward he whispered so only the two ramen makers could hear him. "Plus he didn't want people knowing I existed because he was afraid some people would try to hurt me. Un."

Ayame looked confused at that but Teuchi nodded in understanding. If he had a demon in him he would hide Ayame from those who could hurt her too.

"Well since you're the one with the jobs and supporting a growing kid, the first bowls on the house for all of you."

"Really? Alright yeah! Seconds!" Naruto exclaimed happily.

* * *

Amesha walked back to the Uchiha Compound, royally annoyed. Itachi should have come to see her! But lately if he wasn't on a mission he was spending too much time with that little brat Sasuke!

Today she could understand him not coming to get her, he did say he was most likely to be working very late but yesterday he should have accompanied her to his parents house and eat dinner with her! But nooo! That little blonde tramp came and had taken him away on some stupid excuse!

She bet she just wanted to spend time with her Itachi-kun! The whore!

If she ever saw her again-!

"Really? Alright yeah! Seconds!"

Looking around for the annoying child voice Amesha spotted the two from yesterday.

_The tramp, __Uzumaki!_ Amesha thought before grinning. She was going to enjoy making the blonde bimbo cry!

Walking to the stand (which smelled of ramen, how disgusting) she stood next to the blonde, who was currently facing away from her.

Grabbing the girls shoulder, she was surprised to find it slim and muscular, but ignored that and shook her hard. Or tried to anyway. The girl barely budged!

The blonde turned, and any insult Amesha had died in her throat.

Perfectly tanned skin, golden hair that looked like sunshine, almond shaped cobalt colored eyes, high cheek bones, perfectly systematical on both sides. No flaw, nothing to make fun of.

The girl was gorgeous! Absolutely perfect, even with the scowl she was shooting at her! She hadn't seen the girl's face very well from before but now looking at it, she couldn't help but envy her! She was perfect!

_**Too **__perfect!_ Amesha mentally wailed. Dear kami, this girl could steal her Itachi-kun with only a blink of an eyelash, she was so beautiful! And this is her before she's going to hit puberty! Just image what she'd look like in four years!

The mental image of this blonde girl as a teen caused her blood to freeze.

_She'll capture my poor defenseless Itachi-kun heart with her succubus ways, seducing him to elope with her!_

No! She would not let that happen!

"Um Deidara-san? Who is this girl?" the chubby bartender said, eyeing her warily.

_Uzumaki Deidara huh? Well you evil temptress, I won't let you win!_ Amesha thought with vigor. Glaring at the blonde bombshell- no! Demon temptress! Amesha pointed menacingly (or as menacingly as one could) at the blonde who was giving her looks as though questioning her mental health as she slowly sipped on the broth.

"Listen here Uzumaki Deidara! I'll never let you win! You may think your all that, but your not! If you want Itachi's heart you'll have to fight me for it!"

The blonde choked before spewing her broth all over the female Uchiha.

"Ew! Disgusting!"

"Excuse me?-! What the hell are you talkin' about?" the blonde yelled.

Amesha didn't notice the rather boyish voice, glaring at her rival. "You heard me! We both are after Itachi-kun's heart, but only one of us will have it! And it's going to be me!"

Huffing the prideful girl turning abruptly around walking off to her home as much dignity as one could while covered in ramen broth.

Deidara gapped at the spot the girl was just standing moments ago, revulsion filling him. That dumb broad thought he loved that arsehole Itachi?

Naruto blinked a couple of times before saying, "Nii-san! I didn't know you were in love with Sasuke's brother! Some people would frown upon the guy-and-guy love but don't worry; I'll support you no matter who you fall in love with! Yeah!"

"Me too!" Sakura said happily.

Turning around with speed only a shinobi could possess Deidara yelled out loud, "I AM NOT IN LOVE WITH THAT FRICKIN' UCHIHA!"

Teuchi chuckled to himself. So he wasn't the only one who thought Deidara was way too girly looking.

* * *

Itachi: Next up on My Wish-order Brother.

Deidara: What the hell are you doing here?

Itachi: Hiding from Amesha.

Deidara: Oh. Okay. Carry on.

Itachi: Deidara and company go to his first job at the Inuzuka home, walking dogs, bathing dogs and spending time with Hana-san *whispers* lucky bastard.

Ino: And he will also be spending the day with me at the flower shop! Yay me getting an older brother!

Naruto: He's not your brother! He's mine!

Ino: Deidara is too my brother!

Suzume: What's this? Deidara is Inochi illegitimate son that no one knew about because the Yamanaka head had two-timed his wife?

Ino: What are you talking? That wasn't even what I said!

Suzume: Gotta go! This is juicy topic!

*everyone sweatdrops*

Deidara: Anyway, next time! First day on both jobs!

Itachi: And spending time with Hana-san.

Deidara: Your sulking about that aren't you un?

Itachi: Not at all. *_stabbing voodoo doll that looks like Deidara_*

PD: Riiiiiight.

PD


	16. Work Days

**My Wish Order Brother**

Author: PiperDreamer

Rating: Rated: M

Genre: General, AU

edited: 04/07/12

* * *

**Chapter 16: Work Days**

* * *

Deidara stomped his way back to the apartment, cussing up a storm. Naruto and Sakura followed the older boy, finding some of the words he said funny sounding.

That dumb bitch thought HE was in love with that bastard Uchiha? And now thanks to that senile hag Naruto had thought he was gay!

Had he not been completely pissed off at that moment he would have wondered why he care so much about Naruto's opinion, but as it were he was just happy to be refraining from going on a killing spree at the moment.

Upon reaching the apartment complex Deidara had calmed down some, enough for rational thought to kick in. He was already warned about killing, the Hokage had made it quite clear he was to keep it clean. He doubted the old man could spare anyone to watch him at the moment, what with the attacks and the impending economy drop but better safe then sorry.

Plus Yukika would probably try to kill him or Naruto if he pulled something like that.

Making his way up the flight of stairs Deidara remembered the disgusting apartment. Grimacing he flickered to the top floor and ran to the apartment Naruto and he had been living in since he got here. Unlocking the door, he made a mad dash to the bedroom and started moving the mattress and blankets to the hallway, shutting the door behind him.

By the time he had placed it on the floor the two children had run up to him. Naruto and Sakura were both panting slightly as Naruto grinned in admiration.

"That was wicked Nii-san! You were there then bang! Gone! Yeah!"

"Really amazing Deidara-kun." Sakura said quietly, though a radiant smile was on her face, eyes shining behind her curtain of hair.

Deidara grinned at the children. "I figured you'd rather stay out here then in there un."

Sakura looked thankful as Naruto smiled as he mouthed 'thanks'. Deidara figured he was just happy to not have to sleep in that unholy apartment AND keep they're real residence a secret.

The two children were quick to go to bed, surprisingly tired. Deidara tucked them in, recalling his own mother doing the same a long time ago.

Deidara nodded at his own work, and decided to keep an eye on things. You never know when somebody would come to assassinate you.

But before he got far a smaller hand grabbed his own. Looking down he met Naruto's own eyes.

"Um Nii-san? Can you sing us a song?"

"…what?"

"Well, I heard that sometimes people sing others to sleep so, um…could you?"

"Yes Deidara-kun, please?" Sakura joined.

"No. I'm a horrible singer."

Deidara did not want to sing. He sucked at it, and the only songs he knew had came from his former sensei when he was completely wasted and were not suitable for children.

"Please Nii-san? We'll go right to sleep, honest!" Naruto just wanted to experience what it was like to be sung asleep, having never been done before while Sakura was curious about how Deidara sounded when he sung.

Deidara sighed. Well if they got scarred, at least he warned them. Recalling one song in particular that Deidara had memorized because he had been curious about what a lot of it meant. He soon found out it was pretty raunchy and that his sensei had learned it from a foreign sailor.

Humming to find the right tune Deidara soon sung:

'Twas on the good ship Venus,  
By god you should have seen us;  
The figurehead  
Was a whore in bed  
Sucking a dead man's penis.  
The captain's name was Lugger.  
By god he was a bugger.  
He wasn't fit  
To shovel shit  
From one ship to another.

The second mate was Andy,  
By god he had a dandy,  
Till they crushed his cock  
On a jagged rock  
For coming in the brandy.

The third mate's name was Morgan,  
By god he was a gorgon,  
From half past eight  
he played till late,  
Upon the captain's organ.

The captain's wife was Mabel,  
And by god was she able  
To give the crew  
Their daily screw  
Upon the galley table.

The captain's daughter Charlotte,  
Was born and bred a harlot,  
Her thighs at night  
were lily white,  
By morning they were scarlet.

The cabin boy was Kipper,  
By Christ he was a nipper.  
He stuffed his ass  
with broken glass  
And circumcised the skipper.

The captain's lovely daughter  
Liked swimming in the water.  
Delighted squeals  
Came when some eels  
Swam into her sexual quarters.

The cook his name was Freeman,  
He was a dirty demon,  
He fed the crew  
On menstral stew  
And hymens fried in semen.

The ship's dog's name was Rover,  
We turned that poor thing over,  
And ground and ground  
that faithful hound  
From Tenerife to Dover.

And when we reached our station,  
Through skillful navigation,  
The ship got sunk  
in a wave of spunk,  
From too much fornication.

On the good ship Venus,  
By god you should have seen us;  
The figurehead  
Was a whore in bed  
Sucking a dead man's penis.

Deidara ended his song, looking back at the duo. Naruto was already asleep, and Sakura was about ready to follow suit. Yawning, the pink haired girl murmured, "You got a lovely voice…"

Deidara quietly watched the two a moment longer before going about, setting traps.

* * *

Hiroshi, an academy instructor along with two others were heading up the apartment, stumping every few steps. Earlier that evening the trio had gotten drunk and during the drinking they had talked about the demon brat being allowed to roam free. After many ideas of how to finish the Yondaime's work, they came to a drunken agreement that the little monster ought to be bludgeoned, drown or poisoned to death.

Soon the men were at the spawn's apartment complex, stage whispering the whole way about what they planned to do.

Had they been sober they might have lasted longer, but as they were totally beer goggled they didn't quite comprehend it when they got eaten by what looked like a cross between an eight legged giant frog and a salamander.

Deidara meandered his way down the stairs, glaring at the drunken fools. He had heard what they planned to do to Naruto. He had planned to kill them but opted to do something else. A creepy smile played across the boy's face.

Something else indeed.

* * *

The next morning at the ANBU barracks found a newbie ANBU screaming bloody murder at the sight of three chuunin's plastered ass-naked, sunny side up to her window.

She was then removed from ANBU after suffering a mental breakdown.

Ibiki on the other hand, found a new and effective torture technique, much to his victim's terror.

* * *

Hana watched her brother, wanting to laugh and tell him the truth but couldn't find it in her to bust his bubble.

He stood in front of a mirror, trying his hardest to get his hair to lay flat. He had spent the better half of the morning trying to get it tamed. Why? Because Deidara was coming.

Hana knew she should tell him that Deidara's a guy, but she just couldn't help it. He was so adorable; trying to make himself presentable to the effeminate boy who he thought was a girl.

Though Deidara really hadn't helped in discouraging him; not after he mouthed off her mother! Not many had the guts to do that, nor get away with it.

She had to admit though, Deidara was…strange. To put it nicely. He was smart, had a sort of dry humor not found in most ten year olds, seemed more mature then he should be and was... well she wasn't sure, but there was just something about Deidara that caught her attention.

He was very different from most civilians his age, or as a matter of fact even most of the shinobi genin she knew.

The young genin sighed. She hadn't known him long, she shouldn't judge.

Hana was brought out of her thoughts at a tugging on her pants. Looking down she saw one of her three familiars of the Haimaru brothers. A quick bark told her that the Uzumaki and guest had arrived to which Kiba squealed out happily before questioning why Pochi hadn't let them pass.

The answer she got was that Deidara smelt dangerous, thus was not coming near the family.

The two siblings ran out the door, seeing Deidara glare at the snarling Pochi. "Hey Deidara-kun! Sorry about Pochi, he's just doing his job. Scoot!"

Reluctantly the huge dog moved, letting the brothers and pink haired girl pass.

"Deidara-sama! I'm glad you came!" Kiba gushed, a blush on his face.

Deidara shot Hana a nasty glare before smiling tightly at the infatuated boy. "Hello. Now move."

As they walked Hana looked at the small girl. "Who's this?"

"Haruno Sakura. I'm babysitting her." Deidara in a clipped tone.

"But you're going to your job now right? How can you do both?"

"I'm talented un."

The Inuzuka heiress sighed. Deidara was growly this morning. Soon they where in the kennels area, the matriarch of the clan standing by, a frown on her face.

"Uzumaki." came her curt greeting.

"Inuzuka-san." Deidara said equally brisk.

"What are they doing here?" She said with distain, pointing to the two children he brought, though obviously held the sourness towards Naruto.

"I'm babysitting. Hope you don't mind un."

"Don't mind? You can only do one job at a time! Now put them somewhere and get back here!"

"I have no one to watch them. Please ignore them, they won't cause any trouble."

"'Won't cause any trouble'? That blonde brat IS trouble! I refuse to have him anywhere near my house! Now get rid of him!"

Hana was shocked at the hated her mother was directing at the youngest Uzumaki. What had they ever done?

Deidara glared at the cantankerous whore, seething at her words. He didn't need to see Naruto to know he was hurt by her words. Knowing if he didn't leave and now he'd kill someone the blonde turned on heel and walked.

"Hurry back brat!"

"No."

"What?"

Turning just enough to make eye contact, Deidara glared murderously.

"I said 'no', bitch. I'm not working for you today. If you're going to go around insulting him and expect me to stick around, then you can go gang-bang your mutts. I will be bringing this up to the Hokage by the way. I'll see you Wednesday."

And with that the boy left with his wards, leaving a fuming Tsume, a shell shocked Hana and an adoring Kiba behind.

* * *

_This just gets better and better, _Deidara sneered. After he had reported what happened at the Inuzuka compound the Hokage insured him that the matter would get settled by Wednesday, though it did little to calm him.

These people were really pissing him off! He really had to refrain from blowing the whole damn building up!

Feeling a tug on his sleeve, Deidara found Naruto in his line of sight.

"Um Nii-san? Can we train yeah? I know where a training ground is. It's not far from here yeah."

That…sounds wonderful. Deidara needed a good training session right about now. Nodding, he and Sakura followed the hyper whiskered boy. Soon they were in a large clearing, a training log in the center.

"Alright! I'm gonna hit the target!" Naruto exclaimed loudly before remembering he hadn't brought any.

Deidara rolled his eyes, wondering what kind of ninja forgot their weapons. Reaching into his hidden pouch Deidara held out a kunai. Naruto grinned brightly, taking the sharp blade.

"Here I go!" Naruto yelled, throwing the kunai.

He missed it entirely.

The younger blonde normally shrugged at his horrible aim, but right now he couldn't help but blush in embarrassment at having not only failed to even hit the four foot wide and six feet tall target, but in front of his brother as well.

"What the hell was that? You completely missed!" Deidara yelled. Fetching the kunai Deidara walked back placing the kunai in the younger boy's hand before going behind him, fixing his posture.

"Your legs are way too close; you'll trip over yourself like that. Stand more like this. And this hand is too far away while this one's in the way. Keep it there and you'll chop your own fingers off one day. Now concentrate on just aiming for the center, speed will come on its own un."

Naruto focused on the center, drinking in his brothers words. That wasn't how the academy taught him, but maybe Deidara's way was better?

Naruto threw the blade. It stuck to the side, missing the center a good two feet. He couldn't believe it! It actually hit the log!

"Well its better then the last one. Keep trying." Deidara said before turning to Sakura who watched Naruto intensely.

"Get over here. I'll teach ya some basic taijutsu." The boy ordered. Sakura quickly obeyed. Deidara showed her the kata's, correcting her when she messed one up.

The trio spent the next three hours like this, Deidara switching the two every half hour. By the time they finished the kid's were exhausted while Deidara was a little bummed over the fact he didn't get any real training in but opted to do it later.

Forcing the duo to walk, he headed to Yukika's apartment. Once there he nodded loudly on the door itching to leave. When the door opened Deidara bit back any sarcasm he was going to say.

Yukika looked horrible; her skin nearly matched her hair and her face was gaunt, as though she had recently lost a lot of blood.

"Oh! D-Deid-dara-k-kun! T-thank-k y-you f-for w-w-wat-tching-g S-Sak-k-kura." She stuttered horribly.

"C-c-can y-y-you w-w-wat-t-tch her n-n-ex-x-t F-F-F-Frid-d-d-day?"

"uh…sure." He said, looking at the woman warily. What had happened to her?

"T-t-t-thank-k-k-k y-y-y-you. B-b-b-bye." And with that closed the door.

Not sure what else to do Deidara started heading back to the apartment. Naruto followed along, nodding off every few minutes.

Deidara sighed before picking Naruto up and placing him on his back. The whiskered boy grumbled a protest but was asleep in seconds.

Deidara made his way back, the light weight on his back not bothering him. Thinking over the last week or so, Deidara could honestly say it was hell. But it had its moments and good people; one of them currently was zonked out on his back.

Reaching the apartment, Deidara wasted no time getting Naruto back in his bed, glad he had the foresight to put it back on its box spring. Covering the sleeping boy, Deidara watched him for a moment, wondering if all kids looked this peaceful in their sleep.

Tiredly Deidara walked back to the living room, placing seals and traps on the door and windows before flopping on the couch.

Sleep came soon, and with it familiar nightmares.

* * *

The next day came too soon, and Deidara sighed miserably as he walked into the flower shop, Naruto at his heels.

"Welcome to—oh! Deidara-san! Glad you could make it!" Kumiko said blithely before seeing the shorter blonde with him.

"Oh! Is this your brother?"

"Yeah. I hope you don't mind him here since we don't have a babysitter." Deidara said sarcastically.

"Oh…that's fine, as long as he stays in the back." Kumiko said, her smile still in place. _As long as no potential costumers sees him we'll be fine._

"Mama, when is Shikamaru coming? I'm bored and- Deidara-Nii-sama!" Ino cried out before tackling Deidara's midsection.

"Hey! Get off my brother!" Naruto yelled, yanking the girl off.

"YOUR brother? He's my brother!" Ino yelled.

"No! He's mine! Yeah!"

"Mine!"

"Mine!"

"MINE!"

"MINE YEAH! PH-T-T-T-T!"

"MINE TIMES A MILLION!"

"MINE TIMES INFINITY!"

"MINE TIMES INFINITY AND BEYOND!"

"MINE TIMES SAND SHARKS!"

"MINE- wait, what?"

"HA! I win! Right Nii-san?"

Deidara quickly turned to Kumiko and said rather quickly, "Oh gee, I'd love to answer but Yamanaka-san has me working on the register, right Yamanama-san?" he finished with a pointed stare.

Kumiko caught the drift and lead the preteen to the front counter and after a quick crash course through the basic, lead Naruto and Ino (who were shooting nasty glares at each other) to the back.

Deidara sighed. He really hoped today will go smoother than yesterday.

In the back Ino and Naruto continued to glare. Ino looked at her mother and yelled, "Mama! Tell him Deidara-Nii-sama's MY brother and not his!"

"Ino's-Mama! Tell her Deidara-Nii-san's my brother and not hers! Yeah!"

"Naruto was it? Why don't you get an ice-cream bar from the fridge while Ino and I talk?"

The boy looked at her warily before trotting off to the direction she had pointed to.

Once the boy was out of sight Kumiko turned to Ino.

"Mama! Deidara's my brother, isn't he?" the little platinum blonde said, puppy dog eyes in work. Kumiko sighed. It really was simpler to say yes but then the Uzumaki boy would go on about how that wasn't true.

A thought came to Kumiko that sounded good, and best of all kept both children from trying to up the other.

"Of course he's your brother, but he's also Naruto's brother as well."

The little girl cocked her head, looking bewildered. "How? Isn't Deidara yours and Papa's son too?"

"Well, no. I'm not Deidara's mother nor is-"

"Oh! I get it!" the little girl interrupted brightly.

"You do?"

"Of course! Deidara's my half-brother through Papa!"

Kumiko blinked. She was going to say Deidara was a pseudo-sibling. Before she could correct her daughter Deidara came forward.

"Yamanaka-san, there's a couple of ladies up front who want to talk to you, un."

_I'll just explain it later, _Kumiko decided. Naruto had come back munching on a chocolate ice-cream bar. Smiling at the children Kumiko said sweetly, "Why don't you two play in the backyard for a while?"

Rather reluctantly the duo went out and sat at the porch stairs. Ino smiled at Naruto, who grimaced at her as he finished his bar.

"It's okay Naruto; Mama told me that Deidara was your brother."

The whiskered boy looked surprised. "Really? So you'll leave him alone now?"

"No! He's still my brother too!"

"Nu-uh! He's just my brother and no one else's! Yeah!"

"No! He's mine too!"

Inside the flower shop away from the bickering children, Deidara was pointedly ignoring the gaggle of older women that had come. Apparently the lady from before, Suzume had told someone who told four others, who each told eight others and snowballed from there.

Presumably they just _had_ to see the new employee of the Flower Shop.

And due to the fact he was under cover he couldn't blow them to bits.

"Oh my gawd! He's adorable!"

"Is he really a boy?"

"Look at he's hair! It's so silky! Gawd, I'm jealous!"

"I know! It has the right amount of volume, shine and texture!"

"Can you imagine what he'll look like in a couple of years?"

"I'd say he'll be rapeable!"

"Hoshina! He's only ten!"

"So? I'm just saying he'll be a fine piece of man when he gets older."

"Oh if you were ten years older I'd marry you!"

Yeah, his life sucked. Mercifully he was still a minor so they couldn't touch him without getting murdered (because he would murder them if they do anything inappropriate to him; they'd be finding body parts all over the village for months).

Kumiko could see the boy was getting upset (to put it nicely) and ushered him to the back to fetch some fertilizer.

The boy gladly took the escape nearly running to the back. Finding the type she wanted Deidara began to pull it out when he saw another brand name.

_**GREEN THUMB**_

**Warning! Highly flammable! Keep away from high temperatures!**

A dangerous grin played on Deidara's lips.

* * *

Ino had gotten fed up with Naruto, and headed back inside. Stupid boy! Can't he see that they could share Deidara-Nii-sama? It's not like Deidara is his only family!

The young blonde stomped into the shop. Her Kaa-san must be able to get that meanie to see her reason!

"Mama! Naruto won't share Nii-sama! Tell him to stop being a hog!"

Kumiko (along with the rest of the ladies) turned to the petite girl. Kumiko sighed, feeling a headache coming. This had been the first time in a while all her friends with the exception of Yoshino had managed to come since the attacks!

"Honey, let me talk to him." Kumiko sighed before turning to her friends. "I'll be right back."

Suzume looked at the pouty girl, curious. "Nii-sama? Did you mean Deidara, Ino-chan?"

"Yup! He's my brother!" the girl said, now happy.

"Oh, you mean a brother-figure?" another woman, Tomo asked.

"Nope! Mama said he's my brother! Well, half-brother."

"Half-brother?" echoed most of the women. This was new, and like ninken's was upon this juicy tidbit.

"Yes. Mama said he's my half-brother though my Papa."

"Really?" Hoshina said, an evil glint in her eyes.

"Why hadn't we heard of him before?"

"I dunno. Maybe Papa didn't like Nii-sama?" Ino said, looking worried at the thought. Her Papa not loving his own son? Impossible!

"But I heard that Deidara had a brother, right?" Suzume questioned. By now all the women had an evil shark like aura about them.

"Yup! Naruto. He won't share Nii-sama! He's such a pest! I bet Nii-sama doesn't even like him!"

"Naruto? As in the de- er, I mean prankster?"

"Yeah! That's him! He's mean! He probably gets my poor Nii-sama in all sorts of trouble! But my Nii-sama's so nice that he puts up with it!"

"But why hadn't Kumiko said anything about him?" Tomo said looking confused and alarmed that Ino had a sibling who was also the sibling to the demon spawn.

"Kumiko must have just found out about Deidara."

"You don't think Inochi cheated on her do you?"

"It makes sense; Inochi cheated on Kumiko, and not wanting anyone to know of his infidelity must of abandon Deidara and his mother. A few years later the woman, heart broken and crushed by Inochi's cruel rejection cursed her second child to be a demon before she died giving birth to it." Suzume whispered.

"And poor Deidara is forced to stay by the little monster's side, sad and alone! But he must have found out about Inochi being his father! Hope rekindled, Deidara set out to get a job here, to meet his father, but alas! He found out his father had another family! Heartbroken but still determined he went through with getting a job here! And Kumiko, the kind soul that she is, tries to let the boy be part of her family, even though he is not her son!" Hisana ranted quietly.

Unbeknownst to the ladies, Naruto was listening. He had bypassed Kumiko and was going to apologies to Ino when he heard her tell the older ladies he was mean and was hindering Deidara-Nii-san.

Was he really bothering Deidara that much? Did Deidara not want to be around him? He couldn't hear what else the ladies were saying as they were now whispering to themselves, much to Ino's chagrin.

Feeling sad Naruto wandered to the back. He soon found Deidara who was filling a plastic bag full of dirt, his back facing him. Naruto had started to go to him but stopped, Ino's words echoing. What if he really was getting Deidara into trouble? What if Deidara didn't really like him?

Naruto bowed his head as he turned away to hide in the backyard, unaware that Deidara had turned around to look at him.

The little blonde went outside, hiding in the shade of the tree thoroughly depressed.

_What if it's true? What if I am a pest? Nii-san__I'm sorry, please don't hate me!_Naruto begged mentally, pulling his legs up as he hugged them.

Naruto jumped when he felt a finger brush against his cheek. Looking up Naruto came face to face with a concern Kumiko.

"Naruto? Why are you crying?"

It was then that Naruto realized he was indeed crying. Looking down the small boy hastily wiped his tears away, murmuring, "Nothin'."

Kumiko didn't budge. "What's the matter? Are you okay? Did you hurt yourself?" she pressed, her motherly instincts telling her something was wrong.

New tears flowed down the boy's tanned face, a whimper forcing its way through. Kumiko did the only thing she could think of; she embraced the boy. Naruto immediately froze up, tensing as though getting ready for a beating.

Kumiko continued to hug the boy, rubbing circles in his back even though she was very worried with his reaction. Hadn't anyone hugged him before? He was stiff as a board, his arms hung awkwardly at his sides and the only movement he was doing was shaking as he fought to control his breathing. She was worried he'd start to hyperventilate if she didn't calm him down.

"It's okay. You don't have to tell me. Shh, its okay."

Naruto had never, with the exception of the Old Man and Deidara, been hugged. But he had to admit that even with the very few hugs he did get, none really compared to this. He had always wondered what a mother embrace felt like; though he had never imagined he'd feel like this. He felt warm, safe, and strangely…loved.

It was that reason why he broke down crying, his whimpers turning into sobs as he latched on.

Kumiko was startled. He was holding onto her like a year old child would hold on to their mother when ever she tried to put them down, afraid that mommy won't be coming back.

After several minutes the boy calmed down and told her what he had heard. Kumiko felt angry at Ino. How could she say such things?

But Kumiko reminded herself that Ino was just six and to the little girl she hadn't been nasty, just honest. Oh she and Ino were going to have a loooong chat about this.

"Naruto. I'm going to tell you something important; don't believe everything you hear. What Ino said wasn't true; Deidara loves you, and doesn't think you're a pest or wants you to go away, and I'm sure you don't get him into trouble.

You have to understand, Ino has never had a sibling before so she's feeling possessive. We both know she's not Deidara's sister but to her he's the closest she has to a real brother right now. Deidara won't love you any less, so do you think you could share him?"

Naruto looked up bashfully, feeling a bit shameful about how he acted. But he didn't want to share Deidara!

"B-but Ino has you and her Tou-san! Deidara's the only family I got!" He said helplessly.

Kumiko understood then. Ino who already had family felt it was unfair because Naruto would, as she said 'hog' Deidara, but in reality Naruto just didn't want to loose the only family he had, so naturally he would become possessive.

She heard that demon containers were lonely people, so having someone who stayed and cared for you must be a focal point to them.

Plus the Uzumaki boys were orphans, and Deidara from what she heard was always trying to keep jobs to make ends meet for him and his brother, so he could only be there for his brother so much.

She felt something in her rage, thinking at how lonely these poor boys were. Deidara, ten years old and holding down (from what she heard) two jobs to support the two of them. He probably didn't have too many friends his age.

The more Kumiko thought about it, the more she felt disgust about her previous feeling towards the child in her arms.

"It's okay sweetie. You don't have to share right now. Maybe one day you'll like to, but we'll wait." She cooed, comforting the small child.

Unknown above her, a pair of cobalt blue eyes watched, rage building up in him. That little pint size bite of a girl made Naruto cry! How dare she make him believe he was unwanted? She'd pay by disembowelment then having her entrails set ablaze! While she was still alive!

Deidara flickered back into the shop, forcing himself to remain under control.

Grabbing the fertilizer Deidara marched out to the front, the women still there whispering among themselves but stopped when they saw him. Ino was no where in sight, mercifully for him; he didn't think he could see her right now without shoving clay down her throat and detonating it. After she choked to death of course.

Walking past the group he went about dropping the fertilizer on the plants Kumiko had instructed, ignoring everything.

A moment later Kumiko came back, all smiles. "Sorry about that, I was a bit caught up."

"Oh that's okay Kumiko! We need to leave anyway!"

Oh but you just came!" Kumiko seemed to pout.

"Sorry, but we still have things to do! Maybe another time?"

"Sure. Bye!"

And with many more goodbyes's the group left, much to Deidara's delight, unaware that by nightfall half of the village was going to hear about the 'illegitimate' Yamanaka.

Kumiko glared at the stairs before calling out, "Ino! Come here!"

Ino ran down the stairs, recognizing that tone as 'Mommy is angry at me' tone.

Once the girl was down Kumiko glared frostily. "To the den! Now!"

Not wanting to get her any angrier Ino complied quickly. Kumiko turned calling gently, "Naruto, please come here."

The smaller blonde trotted in, trying to look happy and hyper like his usual self but Deidara saw the tall tale signs; tear stains, red eyes, a slightly wobbly lip as he hesitantly walk over.

"Why don't you stay with Deidara? I'm sure he can teach you how to put these magnolia's in! Just read the directions, but please keep an eye out for customers. I'll be right back." She said with a smile. Once Naruto nodded she walked off to the den to talk with her daughter.

Deidara smiled at Naruto, who smiled back. "Come on Fishcake, you can help me with the fertilizer before we plant the golden weeds flower."

"Yeah, okay…" Naruto said with hesitancy.

"And once we get home, I'll teach ya how to make a fertilizer bomb, un!"

"Yeah!" Naruto said brightly. Kumiko-oba-san was right; Nii-san didn't hate him!

Deidara grinned. He successfully cheered the younger boy up!

* * *

Inochi was not having a good day. In the past three hours he had been bitch slapped by at least thirty-two different women, all which had cussed him out.

He was currently at a bar, nursing a hand shaped bruise on his face. His best friends, Shikaku and Chozu watched him down another beer, the former counting the many bruises on his blonde friend as the latter spoke.

"Seriously Inochi, what did you do?"

Finishing the bottle, Inochi looked at them, both unconsciously wincing at the black eye he was sporting.

"I have no clue. It's like every woman in a mile radius has a vendetta against me."

Looking around the bar, Shikaku could only agree with him. The majority of the ladies were giving him sour looks while the loose women, who normally don't bother with the married man, would not leave him alone.

Hopefully whatever this was would blow over by tomorrow.

* * *

If your curious of the song, no I didn't create 'The Good Ship Venus'. I'm not that talented. I found that on youtube sometime ago by a group called the 'Poxy Boggards' and 'Loudon Wainwright III'.

. They have fabulous songs =)

Aren't you proud of Deidara? He found a way to cheer Naruto up, and redirected his homicidal urges into torture methods for Ibiki!

Yes, you all must hate Tsume right now, but it's necessary for this story. She will get better, I promise.

As for the rumor wheel crew…don't laugh. I've seen rumors develop like that. It's scary.

Hope you like it!

Review!

PD


	17. babysitting a pain, but at least it pays

**My Wish Order Brother**

Author: PiperDreamer

Rating: Rated: M

Genre: General, AU

edited: 04/07/12

* * *

**Chapter 17: babysitting a pain, but at least it pays**

* * *

Tsume glared at the back of her trial employee, silently wondering if the brat known as Deidara was out to get her.

Deidara had left minutes after arriving at the compound on Monday and within the hour she was before a pissed off Hokage who went into detail about just how hard it was for Deidara to get a trusting soul to baby-sit and had more often then not taken the demon brat with him every where, and told her to deal with the monster being there (not in those words but to her he might as well have said that).

When Wednesday came she tried to have the little demon stay out on the front porch till Deidara was done but apparently that wasn't good enough because Deidara walked out of work again and reported right back to the Hokage who tore her a new one and made it quite clear that if this happened one more time she would be paying a pension to the Uzumaki brother's. Today was Friday and she had swallowed her pride and anger and let the monster wonder around as his brother worked.

The Inuzuka leader growled. That demon had been the reason so many of her kin had died on that blight of a night. Close family and friends, cousins, aunts and uncles were murdered that night. And how were their sacrifice honored?

By keeping the demon trap in a human baby (which had probably killed the poor baby's spirit) and putting a ten year old boy that could pass as a female Yamanaka in charge of it.

If it wasn't for the fact she was utterly loyal to the Sandaime and Konoha she would have packed up her remaining family and left a long time ago.

Now though she was seriously wondering if the Hokage was going senile. Why had he given that boy a job at her compound? She could handle the effeminate boy but just seeing the demon pissed her off, though seeing her beloved children in the presence of the monster that nearly wiped out the entire Inuzuka clan made her blood boil and freeze at the same time.

She couldn't help the innate terror of the idea that one day he could snap and kill the only loved ones she had left.

Shaking that thought away, Tsume ignored as best as she could the demon that was squatting next to her trial employee writing on some papers and barked out, "Scrub harder Uzumaki! I want these kennels spotless!"

The older blonde turned, half glaring through his bang. She had assigned him the job of cleaning out the filthiest, most disgusting kennels she had and so far he had been at it since he had arrived and it was nearly 2 o'clock.

She thought he was hilarious looking with a butcher's apron on, gloves up to his elbows and his hair up in a messy bun.

Grinning to herself Tsume turned to leave when she spotted Kiba at the doorway, eyes glued to Deidara's back as he grinned.

Hana was out doing missions so Kiba was here for the day. Normally the boy was trying every method he could think of to get out of the compound but lately he had been very eager to stay.

Looking back at the Uzumaki brother's Tsume sighed. Maybe she should start doing those play dates she heard other mother's talk about for their kids. Kami knows Kiba didn't play with kid's his own age enough, though the way he kept staring unabashed at Deidara was kinda creepy as it reminded her strongly of the time she had been a genin and crushing on her teammate Hiashi's twin.

From what she heard Hizashi still had panic attacks every time he saw her.

Tsume shook her head. No, Kiba wasn't having a crush on a guy! That was silly to even think! He just admired the older boy (why she wasn't sure though she felt it had something to do with his lack of father figure), that's all.

"Kiba! Come help me rotate the guard dogs!"

The boy pouted, throwing one last look at the older blonde before begrudgingly following after his mother.

_Finally, their gone._ Deidara smirked as he felt the two Inuzuka's leave.

Looking over at Naruto Deidara smiled softly at the younger blonde. Last Tuesday night Deidara was about to teach Naruto how to make the fertilizer bomb when he found something out; Naruto didn't know anything about mathematics. He found this out when the younger boy had dropped some of his chopstick collection. He had dropped twenty but had had been 'counting' out loud (it sounded something like this: "1, 2, that digit, 4, 9, 5, 21, 32, 16, the number after 16, 7….").

Apparently the only real education he ever received was from a teenage chunin called Umino Iruka who had taught him how to read and write but hadn't done anything else due to his missions. If he ever snapped and destroyed this village in a beautiful art show, Deidara would let the guy live.

Though now Naruto's lack of education had lead to Deidara redirecting his homicidal urges into teaching Naruto the basics to math. Naruto showed a love for learning and absorbed everything he said like a sponge.

Right now the boy was bent over the set of problems Deidara had made, a look of concentration on his face as he solved the addition questions.

The whisker faced boy was quite eager to learn all this even before Deidara promised to still make the fertilizer bomb if he did well, so Deidara was very pleased.

"Hey Nii-san? How do you add 4 and 6 yeah?"

"Hold up 4 fingers. Now count six more un."

"Oh! I get it! Thanks!"

Deidara shook his head, glad Naruto was a quick learner otherwise he might have yelled his frustration at the kid.

_He got a loooong way to go._

Just _be patient and calmly help him through._ The cold, logical side advised.

_Then when he gets good enough, we'll teach him how to make his own form of art!_ Cackled the childish voice.

Pushing the two voices away Deidara thank the gods of art that the clock just rang for 2 PM.

"Pack up Fishcake, its quitting time!"

"Hang on let me finish this question!"

Deidara left Naruto there for a moment, removing the apron and gloves he had borrowed from the supply closest. He looked back at his hand frowning. He still wore the fingerless gloves under the cleaning gloves to hide his mouths but right now he could feel his teeth gnawing on the fabric. He hadn't worn gloves this long before and could honestly say it was very uncomfortable.

He never knew how much he'd miss having his tongues wagging out.

Placing the supplies back in the closest Deidara returned to the room and was surprised to see Hana there assisting with Naruto's addition.

Looking up the brunette smiled. "Hey Dei-Dei!"

Deidara flinched. "Don't. Call. Me. That. Un."

Hana smirked playfully. "Why not?"

"Because."

"Because?"

"Just because."

"Just because Dei-Dei?"

"Stop calling me that!" Deidara said through clench teeth. She shouldn't be calling him that! The last he was called that was- was- at- was… when…

…_you can't remember can you?_ The cold voice mocked.

True he couldn't remember but he felt as though he had been called that many times by someone he held dear. Hearing Hana call him that though felt like she was bastardizing it and spitting upon the person.

"Not until you tell me why." The girl said cheekily, a grin on her face.

"Hana-nee-chan please don't call Nii-san that, otherwise I'll start calling you Booger-Nee-chan. Yeah." Naruto said quietly, glaring pointedly at the girl.

"…Booger-Nee-chan!"

Naruto just shrugged. "Your name has two meaning as far as I know; flower and nose. Boogers come from noses so thus you will be dubbed Booger-Nee-chan if you refuse to stop calling Deidara-Nii-san Dei-Dei I'll start calling you that, then tell Kiba your new nickname!"

Hana just gapped at the young boy. She was being threatened by a six year old! Before Hana could properly compose herself she heard Deidara laughing. Scratch that; he was howling.

"HAHAHAHAHA! Booger- ha ha- Nee-chan!" AHAHA HAHAHA-_snort_-HAHAHAHAHA!"

The girl glared at the boy in front of her, blushing in embarrassment.

"Sh-shut up! At least my name not 'mud'*!"

Deidara stopped laughing, giving her a bland look.

"I'll have you know my name is derived from the legendry creature called the Daidarabocchi. Daidarabocchi, a huge god in a humanoid form that appeared to be made out of stars with a long pointed face and tentacle-like spikes on the back. At sunrise Daidarabocchi becomes Shishigami, the ancient spirit of the forest that resembles a great stag with many antlers, bird-like feet, and the face of a baboon. As he walks, flowers bloom up at his feet though they quickly wither and die. He is capable of both giving life and taking life away.* So my name does not mean 'mud' though that's still better then yours, Nose-chan. Un."

Hana glared at the boy in front of her who was now grinning like a loon, Naruto giggling at her side.

"Arse." She mumbled before smiling. "I wanted to talk to you for a moment Deidara-kun."

"Of what?"

"You see, tomorrow morning Mom is going to be on a mission till Monday and I'll be on my first C-rank mission tomorrow as well. But you see, nobody's here to watch Kiba so I was wondering-"

"No, I will not be babysitting Kiba."

"Oh come on! It'll only be till Sunday! That's when I get back! Please?"

"No. I'm already babysitting two other kids' tomorrow."

"Two other's?"

"You remember that pink haired girl I had with me last Monday? I have to babysit her every Saturday and Sunday. The other I got roped in by my other employer Yamanaka-san to watch her daughter; not to mention I havta to work part time too."

"Isn't babysitting your third job?"

"Nah, that's my fourth job. My third job is only done on Saturdays."

"FOURTH job? You have four jobs?"

"Five actually. Cleaning whatever shite your bitch of a mom throws at me, the flower shop, paperwork on Saturdays, babysitting on Saturday, Sunday and sometimes Friday and Monday, and the fifth job…well if I told you I'd havta kill you."

Deidara didn't think she needed to know that his fifth job was to cause village-wide hysteria, large amounts of anarchy, mass pandemonium and ample quantity of damage to the surrounding area in the name of art.

Some jobs had to have secrecy after all, even if he hated hiding his talent.

Hana just stared wide eyed at him, jaw unhinged. _How the hell can he be doing five jobs? I've heard some could shuffle two even three, but FIVE?_ _Are they that strap for cash?_

"Nii-san? Can we just watch Kiba for tomorrow then? Please? I wanna go to the park and play with him!" Naruto exclaimed loudly, giving big puppy dog eyes.

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Perdy please?"

"I said no."

"It's okay Naruto, I wouldn't want to burden your brother." _Especially if he has five frickin' jobs._

"But Hana gonna pay ya right?"

"Naruto, its okay don't worry-"

"How much cash are we talkin' here?" Deidara said in interest. His paychecks didn't come till next week and he needed to get some shopping done if he didn't want to eat ramen again. He really did need the money (they still had bills to pay and Naruto ate like a bottomless pit) and if that meant watching Kiba for a couple of days then so be it.

Hana stared in shock. "Y-you can't! You're already working too many jobs-"

"Hana-kun, its fine. We need money, you need somebody to watch your brother and Naruto wants a play pal for a couple of days. It's a win-win."

_So you guys ARE strap for cash._ Hana thought. She could only imagine what it must be like to be so young and working so many jobs to make ends meet, supporting a child and paying bills.

It made her heart ache, and though she didn't want to add to the younger boy's already full plate she knew he needed the money.

"The pays 5000 yen*. I'll pay you half now and half when I get back."

"Fine. When do you want me to pick him up?"

"My mission is tomorrow at noon so if you can pick him up before then that be great."

"Sure, but what about your Mom? I'm pretty sure if she could get away with it she'd boil me alive and feed me to the dogs."

"I'll just tell her I had asked a friend to baby-sit him."

"She'd believe that? And she won't ask who you left your brother with?"

"Mom knows I normally leave him at my teammate's family when we're on missions so she probably won't ask." Hana explained, handing over the amount of money.

"Okay. See ya 'round ten tomorrow. Let's go Fishcake un. Bye Nose-kun."

"Bye Hana-Nee-chan! Yeah!"

The girl waved at them cheerfully, though she wanted to cry now. Normally she never felt that urge, even after things went very wrong, but right now she just wanted to cry for those boy's.

_You shouldn't have to live such a demanding life __at so young an age._She thought sadly.

* * *

After telling his employer he was off (via telling her to drop dead before Monday and flipping the bird) Deidara and Naruto made a quick stop at the apartment to pick up one of the anarchy books and ingredients before heading top the western part of the forest only going very deeply into it.

"Alright! This is a really simple bomb to make but packs a big punch. All we need is fertilizer, newspaper, diesel fuel and a cotton ball! Let's get to work."

Twenty minutes later Naruto was holding the bomb that resembled a baby bundle with a soaked cotton ball at the entrance.

"Now what I'm about to show you Naruto is art. An inferior style of art, but art nonetheless. Once we plant this we will need to leave the area immediately because this sucker will blow up to five hundred square feet."

"This little thing can do that much damage?" Naruto gapped at the package in his arms.

"A kunai is smaller than you but if used correctly or even incorrectly can kill. Besides, even though this is inferior art its still art."

"Nii-san? What do you mean by 'art'?"

Deidara stared at Naruto in shock, as though the younger boy had been deprived of the most fundamental of human needs.

"Poor Fishcakes, you really are undereducated aren't you? Let me explain; youth and beauty only comes shortly before being blown away - by time, unexpected events, whatever things that will fade them. True art is fleeting, an explosion, and a bang, kind of like fireworks only greater! To experience the emotions created by a specific moment that can never happen again. To be swept away in the ecstasy of that instant in time and to feel the adrenaline rushing as you live in that shining blink of time, plunge into the heart of ephemeral bliss! Art is an explosion!" Deidara said with zeal. Naruto watched as his brother became passionate, awed at Deidara enthusiasm.

_Arts an explosion…_ Naruto mental echoed, wanting see this mind blowing ability. The whiskered face boy smiled brightly at the older boy eagerness and excitement evident in his cerulean eyes.

Deidara grinned in a less then sane manner. "Lets make some art un!"

Unperturbed at the maniacal leer being directed at him Naruto pumped his fist through the air. "Yeah!"

* * *

Sarutobi sat at his desk, inhaling a lung full of smoke before exhaling it through his nose.

The week wasn't even over and already he was wishing for a vacation. True to Deidara's prediction a recession had hit.

Civilians were already tightening their belts and in the course of three days the D and half of the C piles had became all but non-existing and any previous low pay missions that had been made in advance were cancelled. Many civilians had lost everything when the bank got hit and were force to sell their homes and move to the slump section.

Genin's were being put on the remaining C-rank missions as Chunin's got bumped up to B's and A's.

_The hospital was hit, all the major orphanages were destroyed, part of the market was ruined, the Academy was shut down, and now the civilian bank has been totaled, causing an economic crisis. There is no clue other then the Grass headband found from the first attack as to who is behind all this!_ Sarutobi sighed in frustration.

The only positive thing in all this was Deidara; the boy was a blessing! He was caring of Naruto and a paperwork repressor!

If he hadn't known better he would have thought the boy had fallen right out of the sky.

Though the boy did worry him some; ten years old and already he could see that the boy was a bit unstable. He had witnessed first hand what trauma did to people. It was a soul wrenching experience.

Sarutobi sighed yet again. That's it; he was going to look for a successor! He was six years over due for retirement and by golly he wanted to enjoy the remainder of his life then die of old age!

_The second this terrorist crisis is over, I'm retiring!_ The aged man vowed.

But before Sarutobi could check for suitable candidates a resounding boom was heard followed by a deafening crash, causing him to freeze momentarily before swearing up a storm.

Less then ten minutes later an ANBU appeared.

"Sir! The west wall has been attacked! Nearly five hundred feet of damage, a section of the wall has collapsed and the western side of the forest has is ablaze! We are currently getting the fires out."

The ANBU winced as the Hokage resumed swearing violently and almost swore himself that he saw the paperwork giggle and start to grow before his eyes.

* * *

The next day found Naruto and Deidara up bright and early (Naruto being the early bird while Deidara desperately wished he had a cup of espresso right now) trotting off the Haruno's residence with Naruto shooting question after question about art.

The little boy had been in complete and utter awe of the short but magnificent show of art from the previous day and had practically begged Deidara to teach him more.

Deidara had to hide the books in order to keep Naruto from staying up all night to read them.

The apartment complex came into view with Sakura and Yukika standing out on the path.

"Sakura-chaaan!" Naruto squealed happily as he ran, tackling the shocked pinkette.

Deidara glared at Yukika who just smiled warmly from behind her snowy curtain. The white haired woman then held out a scroll, the smile never leaving her features.

"Here's s-some medic-cal t-techniques y-you can learn. I-It's mostly none-chakra s-so y-you s-shouldn't have any problems."

"Tch. Thanks."

"And please, i-if y-your going to destroy s-something, at least wait once every bi-week."

"Every bi-weekly? I'd die!"

"Then leave sooner. You are a menace."

"And your bipolar, un."

Turning the boy waved goodbye with Naruto as Sakura kissed her mother fair well and were off to go to the Inuzuka Compound.

Hana had practically tossed Kiba out the door as she reached to her team, apologizing as she ran past. Kiba had almost immediately latched himself to Deidara, a blush on his face as he stole glances.

Deidara rolled his eyes. He was not going to break this to the boy. That was Hana's job!

With a long suffering sigh, the group trudged to the flower shop.

* * *

"Hello Naruto." Kumiko said smiling brightly as the children entered the shop.

"Kumiko-oba-san!" Naruto said happily as he ran up to her but stopped short. Smiling hesitantly he held his arms out, hoping she'd hug him again.

Kumiko felt her heart melt at the sweetly innocent boy as she bent down to embrace him.

The boy smile widen as he hugged her tightly.

Kumiko had been suffering a headache for the better part of the week. On Tuesday she had met the youngest Uzumaki and found that he was a sweet child who utterly loves his brother and pulled Ino to the side and chewed her out for making Naruto cry because she made him believe for a moment that Deidara didn't love him.

On Wednesday she had found out that Ino, who had thought at the time that Deidara was her half-brother had told her friend's that the blonde boy was her half-brother through her father and now her poor husband was getting slapped (if not viciously beaten black and blue) by two-thirds of the female populace.

On Thursday Deidara had point blank ignored Ino as well as a swarm of people that had come to see the 'illegitimate Yamanaka' who was also related to Naruto. Grant it, it was good for the sales but now Deidara had the unwanted sympathy of most of the village because everyone thought him to be Inochi's bastard son that he cruelly abandoned and had been burdened with the demon vessel.

But that also created several more problems. During Deidara's shift, the boy had been approached by several different families all wanting to adopt him in order to save him from his 'demonic brother', to which Naruto cried as the speakers hadn't even bothered to be subtle about it and openly scorned Naruto. It was when one of them tried to back hand the younger boy did Deidara react by snapping several bones in the offending hand.

She had no idea you could be so polite and sweet sounding when threatening to blow someone and all their relatives up if they didn't go away.

But Deidara's threats and protective nature caused another string of rumors to emerge, where Deidara was a freak for being related to Naruto and deserved to die because he refused to leave the boy and even defended him.

Now most of the village knew about Deidara, who had purposely been hiding from the limelight at Naruto's request.

Right now though she just wanted to relish the simplicity of a hug that Naruto had her in.

"Deidara-Nii-sama!" Ino squealed though Deidara pointedly ignored her.

"Do you havta be so loud? So troublesome…" Kumiko sighed at the Nara boy sitting at the steps. Yoshino had dropped him off early so that she could run some errands and wouldn't be back till much later.

Smiling sweetly Kumiko opened her mouth to speak but was cut off by Deidara.

"I am NOT watching him unless I'm getting paid."

Kumiko predicted this and replied, "I'll add it to your paycheck."

"Fine. Okay! Let's go piglet and pineapple head!"

* * *

Shisui was ready to go crazy and murder the clan, starting with the abomination next to him.

"Shisui! I wanna go to the park! You said we'd go to the park today!" Sasuke pouted as he clung to his cousin's leg like some parasite, eating a large tomato as he wiped his tomato juice covered hands onto his pants.

Yes, the little spawn from hell was going to be the first to go.

_For the love of my sanity, somebody get this thing away from me!_ Shisui mentally wailed, praying for something to come along that he can pawn the brat off to.

As he contemplated murder, Shisui homicidal mindset was derailed at the sound of another child.

"Hey look! It's Sasuke!"

Looking to the source of the voice, Shisui nearly recoiled at the sight of FIVE little abomination at the gateway with a ten year old girl.

"That's nice Naruto. Now come on we're going to the park." the eldest said with disinterest.

"But Deidara-Nii-sama! Can't we let the cute boy come with?" a blonde girl said as she batted her eyes. Sasuked blanched at this.

_Nii-sama? Oh, she's a he._ Shisui thought absently. He almost grinned at the memory of when Itachi had been younger and looked like a very pretty girl.

He'd never forget the time he had told a bunch of boy's around Itachi's age that Itachi was a girl that liked it when boy's were brave enough to kiss her on the lip, and laughing his butt of as boy's tried to kiss Itachi for weeks that followed.

The hospital trip afterwards was worth it.

A grin played onto Shisui's face as he walked up the effeminate boy, thanking his lucky stars.

"What un?"

Your Itachi's friend right?"

"No."

"Great! Watch Sasuke!"

"Wait, what? I said no!" Deidara yelled but his crude rejection fell on deaf ears as the young Uchiha was practically thrown into his arms along with 7000 yen.

"He's yours and here's the money for babysitting him! Itachi should be back some time tomorrow! Bye!" Shisui said rapidly before running down the road, cackling something that sound like 'I'm free, I'm free!'.

Deidara stared at the disappearing form for a moment longer before speaking.

"How the hell did I get roped into this, un?"

Half a dozen six-year-olds had no answer, Shikamaru mumbling "Troublesome."

* * *

"Tenten! Do you think we'll get into trouble for sneaking out?" A young boy asked his companion, one caterpillar like eyebrow raised.

"Don't worry Lee! We'll be fine." The bun headed girl dismissed. The two orphans trudged through the woods as they made their way to the park. They had been cooped up at the Academy ever since the terrorist blew up the orphanage they had stayed at.

Getting to the desired spot Tenten pulled out a set of kunai's and started attacking a tree as Lee tried (and failed) to do ninjutsu.

This was the sight Deidara and co. walked into. Nrauto looked at the two before he smiled.

"Hi Tenten!"

The girl looked up surprised but smiled back at the younger boy.

"Oh, hi Naruto."

The two didn't know each other very well, in fact the only reason they had ever even met was because they both got cheated out by the same store owner. The two had a temporary partnership where they broke in, stole all the food, money, weapons and set stink bombs all over it.

"Hey Tenten! Meet my Nii-san! Deidara, this is Tenten! Yeah!"

Tenten blinked. "You…got adopted?"

"What? No! Nii-san's just been very busy." Naruto replied.

Tenten smiled at the older boy. "Nice to meet you."

The blonde gave a sly grin. "Likewise."

Naruto grinned turning to the nearest person. "This is Kiba, he's got a crush on Nii-san-"

"Hey!"

"-but he's a good guy! This is Sakura-chan, she's kinda shy and it's hard to hear her buts she's fun! That Ino, she's kinda mean but I like her mom, she gives great hugs! Sasuke's the one with a duck butts hair style-"

"What did you say?"

"- he's lots of fun! And the last ones Shikamaru and the only thing I know about him is that his really lazy."

"Nice to meet you all. I'm Tenten, and this is my friend Lee."

Deidara stared at the boy for a moment. _…He's got caterpillars on his forehead._

_I do believe those are eyebrows._ The cold voice said, though there was a notable amount of uncertainty in his tone.

_He's got__huge eyebrows that look like frickin' mutated caterpillars on. His. Forehead_. The childish one deadpanned.

_Well at least they're doing something constructive._ Deidara turned to his little crew and began to dish out orders

"Okay we'll follow Lee and Tenten lead and practice blocking blows un."

"That's stupid! Why should we do what they do?" Sasuke said, pointing at Tenten and Lee in a appalled manner.

"Sasuke! Don't be rude!" Naruto chided.

Whatever Sasuke had planned to say was cut short by the fist that connected to his jaw. Stumbling back, Sasuke was surprised to see Tenten with her fist extended amd a hard look in her chocolate orbs.

"Quit being a baby and shut up!" Tenten yelled as she stood over him, being a good two inches taller.

Sasuke just stared at the girl who had punched him, jaw unhinged as his large lead eyes widen comically. A deep blush colored his face as a strange smile played on his face.

The group then went into a set of kata's Deidara showed them. Most of them got it right but Deidara would occasionally correct a stance or tell them to widen their legs or fix a wrong form.

_So far, so good. Even if some of these brats don't become ninja's they'll have basic training._ Deidara frowned when he saw Ino glaring at Naruto.

_Kid, don't make me hurt you…_

Meanwhile Ino glared at Naruto, angry at all the trouble he got her into, all because he wouldn't share Nii-sama!

The platinum blonde walked up to him, pushing him as hard as she could into the ground.

"You always hog Deidara-Nii-sama! He probably gets sick around you!"

"Ino, brother doesn't love me any less, nor does he get sick. You're just jealous because he does love me more then you." Naruto said lightly as he got up, dusting himself.

Ino glared at the other blonde before a nasty smile appeared on her face. "Well at least I don't have to ask for hugs. I wonder why? Oh! I know! I have a Kaa-san, unlike somebody. I bet she doesn't even like hugging you!"

Naruto flinched. Was that true? Naruto whipped away the tears that had built up. _No, Kumiko-oba-san said not to believe everything you hear! And besides, Ino said his brother didn't like and that was a dirty lie!_

As the whiskered child sorted out his thoughts, Deidara had to reframe from lashing out and killing that little wench right there, but the girl Tenten had ran up to the blonde bitch.

"Quit saying that to him! I don't have a mother either. You a prissy snot head don't know what it feels like to have no family!"

Ino looked shocked that someone had said that to her as Naruto seemed to become more confident.

"Ino, I ask your mama for hugs because to be honest, she's my first Mama Hug. I like her, a lot yeah."

Ino huffed as she stuck her nose in the air.

"Whatever!" she said as she turned around, walking to the sand box.

…and was promptly dog piled into the ground by fearful looking Naruto, Sasuke and Kiba.

"Don't go in there!"

"The sand shark'll eat you yeah!"

"There are no such things as sand sharks!" Ino yelled as she tried to get out from under them.

"Yes there is! My cousin Shinsuke got eaten by one!"

"Yeah right!"

Deidara chuckled at the sight. Kids were silly, though he didn't understand why Naruto wasn't encouraging the spiteful girl into it.

Deidara was about to call them off when a diabolical idea came to mind. Forcing himself not to grin Deidara made sure none of the kids saw him slip a chunk of clay under his gloves. After a moment he walk to the sand box and knelt before it.

"I think the sand box is safe," he said, carefully dropping his creation in unnoticed.

"See? Nii-sama says it's safe!" Ino said, smacking the boys off.

As she past Deidara he smiled in a kind manner. "Be careful. The sharks might still be there." He patted her head, away.

The girl rolled her eyes, believing this to be some boy game. Walking in Ino turned to the other, smirking.

"See? Nothing!"

Suddenly the ground began to shake. Ino wobbled as she tried to maintain her balance, fear slinking into her.

Then to the horror of everyone watching (with the exception of Deidara, who had a crazed grin on his face, his eyes sparkling in psychotic glee) a off-white shark emerged from the sandbox, swallowing Ino whole who had let out a ear splitting scream before disappearing.

All the children stood glued to the spot, terror freezing them in place. Naruto was the first to recover.

"Nii-san!" the boy yelled as he turned to the older boy (who had wiped off the previous mad grin and replaced it with artificial concern), running up to him with fear and tears evident in his eyes.

"We gotta save Ino!"

Deidara pushed away the sudden feeling of his stomach twisting into a sickening knot at seeing the tears he caused and tried to understand Naruto. The girl had made him cry several times already! If he was Naruto he'd probably have at least relished the fact she had gotten what was coming to her. Why did Naruto want to save the little moron?

Deidara almost winced when his gut twisted nastily. What the hell was happening?

Looking away from Naruto's imploring eyes Deidara greeted his teeth, all of them.

"Okay."

Deidara glared at the sandbox hatefully, and in an instant the shark reemerged and hacked Ino up. With an exaggerated gag it dived back in.

Running forward Deidara picked up the shaking girl who was covered in sand. Ino immediately latched on, tears running down her face as she sobbed.

"And to think Naruto wanted to save you, even after all those nasty things you said to him." Deidara said in a whisper.

Looking at the kid's he saw that the other orphans Lee and Tenten were either unconscious or had a large battle axe out (where the petite girl had managed to pull it out he did not know), Sasuke next to Tenten as he trembled, Kiba was shaking badly and so was Naruto though the latter gave him a thankful smile.

It was Shikamaru that made him stare a bit longer. The boy was shaking, but there was definite suspicion in his eyes, as though he had several good ideas as to what just happened.

_Good. One of them is using their heads at least._ Deidara thought grimly.

Smiling awkwardly Deidara spoke.

"At least we know now that sand sharks don't like to eat pigs."

* * *

* Dei means mud in Japanese.

*I did not make this up; I had watched Princess Mononoke in Japanese and found out that in Japanese the Nightwalker is called 'Daidarabocchi'.

And if you dig into your Japanese mythology you'd find out that the Daidarabocchi was something like a titan; a story of a giant that changed/created/did whatever to the mountains (carried Mount Fuji on its back if I'm not mistaken), and made the lakes from its foot steps.

I just sort of figured that since everyone else seemed to have a meaning behind their names (Kisame = Demon Shark, Sasori = Scorpion, Kakashi = Scarecrow ect.) Deidara name had to mean something too and since Kishimoto had used various Japanese legends through out Naruto it just seemed to fit.

Plus Deidara and the Daidarabocchi both change their surroundings (Daidarabocchi by moving/creating mountains, Deidara by blowing things up).

I could be completely wrong about that but until I'm proven wrong, I'm sticking with this theory!

* 5000 yen is roughly $50

* * *

**OMAKE**

* * *

A very rare phenomenon was happening in Konoha; it was snowing. The last time it had snowed had been two years before the Kyuubi's attack.

As children saw it for the first time, taking pleasure in it, because for many it was a sign of renewal, peace and the fragility of life.

Deidara was not among those who shared this sentiment. To him (who had never experienced snow before, having grown up in the hot and dry badlands of Iwa) it was far too cold, stuck everywhere, melted in uncomfortable places and was utterly disgusting as it sucked the heat out of you like some weather made vampire and would have just spent the entire day in the apartment had Naruto not wanted to play in the nauseatingly cold stuff.

Now here he was, standing in the snow as Naruto played in the painfully white muck with Kiba and Sasuke. Hana was on his right with Itachi standing next to her, both red cheeked (though part of him suspected that the Uchiha was red because he was standing right next to his crush stealing glances at her like a drug addict would to heroin that was just out of his reach).

Hana turned to him causing Itachi to turn his head in his direction, though his eyes were firmly glued to the back of Hana's head, the girl grinned as she held out a small wrapped present.

"Here!" She said happily, holding the gift out to him. Deidara stared at the present as though he expected it to bite him.

"…what's it for?"

"It's an old tradition to give presents to friends when it snows! Plus I wanted to get you guys something for a while!"

"I was not aware of this." Deidara muttered, though it did explain why Kiba gave Naruto and Sasuke those games.

"That's okay; it snows here so not too many know about it!"

Deidara kept staring at the gift, not sure if he should take it or not; it was wrapped in a hideous green and red paper held on by duck tape with a strange growth on it that was a sad excuse for a bow.

"Dei-kun, it's not going to attack you."

"Are you sure?"

"Oh come on! It's tradition!"

"I'm not a traditionalist."

"Just take the damn present."

Sighing, Deidara gingerly took the poorly wrapped present. After several attempts Deidara managed to open it. Inside was a pair of iron guard fingerless gloves. Blinking the blonde looked at the girl in confusion.

Hana grinned. "I noticed you like to wear gloves so I figured you'd like those."

Deidara gave a small smile. "Thanks Hana-kun."

Nodding Hana spun on her heel, nearly colliding with Itachi's torso. The Jounin backed up, the red on his cheek deepening.

Hana smiled sweetly at the raven haired boy as she held out another sadly wrapped present.

"Hope you like it!"

Itachi nodded curtly as he took the present. After a moment he opened it revealing a scarf. It was made from black and green yarn, the kanji's for Itachi sewn on it.

Hana grinned apologetically. "I was planning to buy you a scarf but Deidara said that you like hand made stuff better."

Itachi's eyes widen, looking at Hana.

"You…made this?"

"Yeah. Took me a whole dang week and dealing with Deidara going on about us being some couple thing. Moron."

Deidara grinned as he waved at the stun Uchiha.

Taking the scarf the girl wrapped it around Itachi's neck, missing the hitch in his breath when her nimble fingers brushed against his throat. Deidara had the feeling Itachi was never going to take that scarf off.

_Uchiha you poor sod, in love with such a dense girl. Oh well, more fun for me!_ Deidara mentally snickered.

He's inner cackling abruptly ended when a snow ball made contact with his head.

Looking he saw a grinning Naruto who had just threw another snow ball but unlike last time it hit Hana. The girl yelped in surprise before looking for the culprit. Naruto was pointing at Kiba.

Glaring the Genin packed some snow and would of clocked her brother in the head with it had he not ducked, hitting Sasuke instead. The young Uchiha glared as the girl pointed to Itachi.

Sasuke then threw a snow ball at Itachi who reacted by yanking Deidara in front of him.

A snow ball war erupted.

* * *

Two hours later the six could be found at a BBQ restaurant, happily thawing as they ate the meat. All were red faced and smiling brightly (many getting shocked at the sight of TWO Uchiha's laughing merrily and grinning like normal people) as Kiba and Naruto sat on either side of Deidara with Itachi and Hana across from them with Sasuke in the middle.

The older three were nursing bruised ego's; they had been beaten by the three younger boys'. Not just beaten, but soundly.

Though Deidara vengeance streak told him to get even, hearing Naruto laugh somehow made the embarrassing defeat bearable.

To Deidara this was all so surreal; he had never just hanged out with anyone his age unless on a mission and the conversations were minimal. He vaguely wondered if this is what it felt like to be considered normal.

After the wonderful meal the two sets of trio's left, laughing at any random thing as they walked on.

"This was great! You should have seen your face Nii-san! You looked like a fish! Yeah!"

"Aniki, you're a Jounin and you got owned by three six year olds who aren't even ninja's! Wait till I tell Kaa-san!"

"Hey Nee-chan, had the snow I stuck down your pants melted yet?"

And the vengeance streak was back, and judging by the looks on Hana's and Itachi's face (well, eyes in Itachi's case) Deidara wasn't the only one who wanted it.

"You know, this fresh fallen snow reminds me of the Disembodied Hand." Deidara said casually.

"The Disembodied hand? What's that Nii-san yeah?"

"Oh just an old tale from long ago." Itachi spoke up, surprising Deidara. Hana grinned mischievously before nodding in agreement.

"Legend says that the evil hand comes when it snows, to drag away unfortunate souls." The Inuzuka heiress stated solemnly.

"Is that true Nii-san?" Naruto said as he looked expectantly at his sibling, Kiba and Sasuke unintentionally mimicking him.

"Very much. The Disembodied Hand is in cahoots with the Head-Munching Weevils and the Leg-Snatchers! It could be anywhere, lurking, waiting, getting ready to strangle the life out of anyone foolish enough to- OH NO THERE IT IS!" Deidara yelled, a bodiless hand appearing in front of him, grabbing his throat. "AAAAHH! IT'S GOT ME! UN!"

The children, now terrified at the sudden appearance of the hand turned to Itachi for help but stop short as Naruto screamed.

"AAAAAHHH! THE HEAD-MUNCHING WEEVILS ATE ANIKI'S HEAD!" Sasuke screamed, looking at Itachi's headless body that lay in the snow.

The children's head's whipped to Kiba who just screamed, pointing to where his sister had stood moments ago. Hana legs were missing, bright red blood around the area her legs had been.

"My legs! It took my legs!" Hana yelled.

At this point Sasuke had passed out, Naruto was in a state of shock and Kiba had ran right into a tree in a moment of terror, knocking him unconscious.

For a moment it was completely silent. Then Deidara busted out laughing.

"…You know, we have got to be the worse siblings ever." Hana said as stood up, unearthing her legs from the snow.

"They'll live, and maybe learn not to trust their eyes. It can be deceiving." Deidara shrugged once the laughter subsided, pulling his hand from his collar and back through his sleeve.

"Hmm." Itachi grunted as he pulled his head back through his shirt, finding it humorous yet disturbing that the kid's fell for such a simple trick. "If they want to be ninja's, they have a long ways to go. By the way Hana-san, nice effect with the ketchup."

"Thanks Uchiha-san."

* * *

There is a moral here;

Trusting your siblings can be hazardous to your health.

Review!

PD


	18. My Little Brother

**My Wish Order Brother**

Author: PiperDreamer

Rating: Rated: M

Genre: General, AU

edited: 04/07/12

* * *

**Chapter 18: My Little Brother**

* * *

Forty-five days.

1,080 hours.

3,888,000 seconds.

That's how long since Deidara had came to Konoha.

Not that he was keeping track of time or anything.

Deidara stared at the ceiling of the apartment he had become a residence of the day he crashed here. He still slept on the couch, still set traps at both entrance and windows and had taken it upon himself to booby-trap the hallway.

He still couldn't believe Naruto had thought those blood stains on the hallway wall were tomato juice stains.

The younger boy's diet had greatly changed, having gone from ramen-only to Deidara's cooking (the younger boy had made sure no one but him ate his brother's cooking because he was sure somebody would try to kidnap Deidara and force him to cook for them forever if they had a taste of Deidara's fine cooking) and the occasional meals they brought home from Kumiko (who wanted to put meat on their bones) and Yukika (who wanted them to have a healthy meal).

Naruto was learning several types of art, and thanks to _Bedlam Brilliance_ and _Nihilist Recipe Book_Naruto was becoming more familiar with the periodic table of elements as he studied everything Deidara gave him, sponging it into himself.

He'd make a grand artist out of him yet.

The recession had taken quite a toll on the village, having forced many out of jobs and forcing the shinobi to take more serious missions but Konoha proved to a have a very good poker face and kept both their economy and terrorist problem under a tight lid. The fact they had gone this long while he did his bi-weekly art show (yes, he took Yukika suggestion, but only after he nearly got caught) had him begrudgingly impressed.

But he still found it hard that he was now the second secretary for the Hokage (he got promoted to Taro's apprentice, journeymen and superior in the span of two weeks since starting the job) though it was understandable since it was through his effort that the recession wasn't as bad as it should be due to his handling of the paperwork.

Naruto was back at the Academy though it still housed the orphans who were all taking the classes with him. Thanks to his artwork all of the children he babysat were enrolled into the Academy a good two years earlier then what was normal.

As for the kid's he took care of, well Kiba still thought he was a she (apparently Hana found it too funny to tell him of Deidara's gender and Deidara was stubbornly waiting for the female Inuzuka to wise up) and was kind of creeping him out as he swore he saw the younger Inuzuka bribe Naruto with ramen for one of his clothing.

Shikamaru, despite his lazy attitude was a very sharp kid. Deidara had to be careful around him, his scary mother too after he found out she hated the Jibaku clan.

Thanks to Shisui (who was suppose to watch Sasuke on most days), Sasuke was now normally pawned off to the under cover Jibaku. Sasuke had taken a great liking to Deidara, going so far as to call him -sama (much to the older boy's ire) and listened keenly to him.

On one such occasion, Deidara had been explaining the importance of evidence, especially if the evidence was threatening to reveal substantially (or at least appearing) true information about a person to the public, a family member, or associates unless a demand made upon the victim is met. This information is usually of an embarrassing, socially damaging, and/or criminally-incriminating nature.

Sasuke had decided that if he couldn't be like his brother when he got older, then he wanted to be an extortionist, going so far as to buy a camera and has already started blackmailing Shisui and various other people.

The young boy was more like his brother then either Uchiha had thought; after getting punched silly by little orphan girl named Tenten he had a monster crush on the tomboy and had started trailing her every time he came to the Academy, regardless of the fact they didn't share the same class and Tenten, like Hana was pretty much oblivious of their respective stalker.

As for Tenten she was practically a mini Hana, only difference was that the bun-haired girl was obsessed with weapons and had a habit of attacking people who insulted her late father who had died from a terminal illness.

It still amazed him how she managed to beat an older boy black and blue with nothing but a spatula for calling her dad a weakling.

The kid Rock Lee was an oddity and he wasn't referring to the inch thick caterpillar's that resided on his brow either. The kid was decent in taijutsu but atrocious in everything else. It was like his chakra coils were screwed up, though the brat was determined to become a ninja.

Sakura was a bit more open and less likely to flinch now and proved to have an aptitude for genjutsu (wonder where did she got_that_ from) though she blushed every time she saw him and kept shooting Kiba nasty glares. Mercifully she wasn't trying to steal his clothing. Yet.

Deidara seriously wondered if some deity was purposefully trying to make him became celibate for the rest of his life.

After the sand box incident Ino had become much nicer to Naruto and after a week she claimed him as her younger brother, though this claim did create more rumors about the whiskered boy now being Inochi's OTHER love child or that Inochi had been married to another woman while still being married to Kumiko and that the Uzumaki boy's had came from that marriage.

The patriarch of the Yamanaka clan had been hospitalized by an angry mob for bigamy mere hours after the rumor had started, and was to this day still dealing with the Uchiha Police force about his innocence over this farce.

Though on the bright side (to Deidara anyway), Ino was now deathly afraid of sand and sharks, and because of the sand box fiasco Tenten and Lee had told the older kid's about it, all of which wanted to see this. Deidara had made the 'sand shark' snap at them and try to 'eat' one of them but the small group ran away screaming; thus creating the urban legend about sand sharks.

They were good kids. Annoying, bratty and way too energetic but good kid's nonetheless.

For Deidara life had never been this tranquil. He lived as a civilian, he worked, paid bills, and took care of an aspiring artist.

It was this aspiring artist he lived with though that had made most of this possible. Naruto was a loud kid with upbeat and eager persona, naive, typically exuberant, easily excitable, impulsive, and suffers from a short attention span, but Naruto was also very smart in spite of his many villager/ninja related problems and had a thirst for knowledge and recognition. He also had ridiculously large chakra reserves that made chakra control extremely difficult.

What really astounded him about the whiskered boy was that despite having the near unadulterated comprehensive loathing from the village he just smiled and forgave them for the cruelty they dished out on him.

The villagers hated Naruto for a thing something he was pretty damn sure the boy had nothing to do with, but instead of hating them back, Naruto smiled.

Deidara wasn't sure how Naruto was able to do it, though. He was sure that if it had been him, he wouldn't be able to because of his strong sense of settling scores but also because of the hostility that he grew up with.

It was something that he found as a very stupid trait to have since your enemies could use that against you but at the same time an extraordinary trait because to forgive was a very difficult thing to do.

Wars were started on the grounds of hatred, clashing of ideals and thoughts, fear and the inability to forgive.

Yet Naruto made it look so simple. It really did make Deidara wonder.

Deidara groaned at the sound of an alarm clock going off. He stared for a moment at the clock that blazed a bright red 6:30 AM at him.

One of the biggest negative aspects of living here was the dreams. At first they weren't bad but lately they had been coming more and more. Sometimes they were simple memories such as his parents or uncle, days back at the purgatory known as Iwa Institution, his first mission, his first kill, or being restricted to keep the paperwork from eating his uncle alive.

Then without fail the nightmares would break through those memories.

Visions of the invasion, phantom feelings of fear and helplessness, images of watching his fellow clan kin being brutally tortured, recalling the chaotic destruction surrounding him, his father battling a Konoha-nin. Then nothing. It just ended.

He missed sleeping. Forcing himself off the couch he patted softly to the bedroom.

There laid Naruto, sprawled across the bed, the blanket half on him, drool coming down the side of his mouth as he snored loudly.

Rolling his eyes the older blonde roughly shook Naruto. "Fishcake, wake up! You need to get ready for school un!"

The blonde shot out of bed, glomping Deidara waist.

"Nii-san! Good morning!"

"Mornin' now get off." Deidara grumbled.

Naruto grinned as he let go. He knew Deidara wasn't a morning person; normally it was Naruto getting them both up.

Deidara wondered back out the hall as he headed for the kitchen to cook breakfast as Naruto got ready.

"Hurry up Fishcake! We don't want to late for the others! They'll bitch if we're late!"

For nearly a month the Uchiha, his crush and ex-Iwa-nin had been dropping the kids off to the school in groups to lessen the chances of kidnappings.

A little over a month ago he would have found that idea utterly stupid but when Naruto had gotten kidnapped and nearly killed (the property damage after the rescue was colossal), Deidara swallowed is pride and requested with the older two for the group traveling and explained why. Hana was horrified that someone would do that and agreed for Kiba's safety while Itachi had a grim look on his face but accepted nonetheless but made it clear he still had missions and wouldn't be there everyday.

Naruto scurried into the kitchen just as Deidara had placed down a hot plate of tamagoyaki* on the table. Leaving the younger blonde to eat Deidara grabbed some clean clothing and headed for the bathroom.

Today would be slightly different as Sakura was with Yukika. The stuttering maniac had been sent on a two week long mission to a nearby town last week that had a epidemic breakout but didn't want to leave Sakura behind (apparently Sakura was safe from the epidemic and thus safe to bring along), not that Deidara could blame her. He had met her husband Damasu and to be perfectly frank he hated him and suspected him of abusing both Sakura and Yukika.

Quickly changing, Deidara looked into the mirror. He was suffering a bad case of bed-head, was a bit pale and had bags forming under his slightly blood shot eyes. Brushing quickly through his hair Deidara grimaced. It had gotten at least two inches longer since he got here. Sighing he grabbed for a hair tie he stole from Itachi, putting his hair up into a lopsided bun as he took the long bang over his left side and tucked it behind his ear.

He was working for Tsume today, so appearance wasn't necessary.

Pulling on his gloves he got from Hana he exited the bathroom to find Naruto eagerly waiting at the door.

"Let's go un." grinned the terrorist.

* * *

Deidara leaned against the Uchiha gateway, a deep sigh escaping his lips. He had just drop by both his work places to pick up his add-ons (AKA Kiba, Ino and Hana) and was now waiting for the last of this motley crew to show up so that he could get Naruto to school on time.

"Nii-san, when do you think Aniki and Sasuke will get here?" Naruto said in a bored many, playing tiddlywinks with Kiba.

"Patient Naruto-chan, they'll get here soon enough." Hana said as she brushed through Ino's hair.

"But Hana-nee-chan! They're taking forever! Yeah!"

Before any one could say anymore a gaggle of girl's approached, laughing and talking among themselves.

Looking them over Deidara scowled. It was Amesha and the Legion of the Stupid.

Spotting the blonde effeminate boy, Amesha gave a nasty smile. Waving her friend's goodbye the Uchiha female waltzed up to the group. "Well if it isn't Deidara-chan! What are you doing here tramp?"

Deidara rolled his eyes. Apparently she still hadn't developed a brain cell yet and no one liked her enough to donate any.

"Waitin' for the Uchiha brothers, duh."

"Oh? What for?"

Naruto glared at the blacked haired girl. "Aniki's taking Sasuke to school and had asked if they could tag along so that we could go in a group because it's safer in numbers yeah."

Amesha of course saw this as Deidara's trying to seduce Itachi, much to both boys chagrin and Hana's mirth (who found it far too funny and would go on about them being secretly in love, much to Deidara chagrin and Itachi's horror).

"Yeah right! You just want to steal my Itachi-kun's heart! Well you'll never get it! I'm Itachi-kun's fiancée!" She crowed, looking at Deidara as though she expected him to bust into tears and run home.

"Yes, I believe you told me that about a dozen times. I'll give him my most sincere condolences the next time I see him un." Deidara deadpanned.

"You cretin! I'm OFFENDED by your attitude!"

"That's because I am OFFENDED by your existence."

Before Amesha could reply, Sasuke shot forward, a huge grin on his face with Itachi following at a slower pace.

"Guys look! I got more film! Now we can blackmail people again!" the youngest Uchiha said happily.

Stopping short Sasuke smiled radiantly. "Hi Hana-nee-chan, Ino, Kiba and Naruto-baka!"

Before Naruto could even yell 'hey' Sasuke launched himself onto Deidara's torso, wrapping his arms and legs tightly around him squealing, "Hi Deidara-sama!"

Deidara gritted his teeth. "For the last time, don't call me sama!"

Big lead eyes looked up sadly before taking on a more mischievous gleam. "Okay Deidara-hime."

Deidara's fist collided with Sasuke's head.

"Owie! Okay, okay I won't call you that!"

"Good." Deidara said as he yanked the boy off.

"I'll call you danna."

A nasty twitch developed on the bomber's brow and the only thing that stopped him from smacking the boy was Naruto breaking into the conversation.

"When you say 'danna' you mean like 'master' right yeah?"

"Duh! I'm not Kiba!"

"What's that suppose to mean?"

Deciding now was a good chance as any, Itachi stepped between the bickering children.

"Good morning Inuzuka-san." Itachi greeted warmly. Looking blanking at Deidara Itachi gave a short nod.

"Hello Uzumaki-san." Itachi greeted curtly.

"Uchiha un." Deidara replied rudely.

Both boys glared at each other, electricity practice sparked between them. Hana sighed. These two always seemed to be at each others throats ever since Deidara and Naruto's discussion about the Fourth Hokage.

She couldn't help but feel that Itachi was trying to unearth something about Deidara and Deidara was trying to pick at Itachi's brain.

"Be nice boys." Hana said bemused before looking at Amesha sternly. "Please go away Amesha-san. We need to be going."

Amesha seemed ticked, glaring at the Inuzuka. "Do you mind? I'm trying to talk to Deidara!"

Deidara gave her a baleful look. "Do you mind? I'm trying to ignore you."

Amesha glared at her 'rival'. How dare she make a fool out of her in front of Itachi-kun! With one quick movement she threw a kunai at the blonde. "Take this skank!"

Deidara dodged the incoming kunai only to belatedly realizing that Hana had thrown another kunai that struck with Amesha's, unintentionally redirecting the kunai at Itachi.

Itachi jumped to the side to dodge the wayward kunai... right into the still in motion Deidara.

As they crashed to the ground, their lips locked together, mouths had been parted, their tongues connecting.

For a split second the on watchers were frozen, Amesha gapping at the sight of her fiancée kissing the blonde bitch (who obviously threw herself at her defenseless Itachi-kun and was now taking full advantage of him!), Hana eyes looked ready to pop out as part of her wanted to laugh while the other kept asking if she had caused that, as Kiba glared murderously at the elder Uchiha, Ino just gapped.

Sasuke and Naruto?

Well Sasuke was taking advantage of the mere second he had to snap a couple of pictures of Aniki and Nii-san with his camera as Naruto held out a hand, saying so that only Sasuke could hear, "Told you they'd kiss one day. Now pay up yeah."

Then the second was over as the two broke apart they began gagging, holding their throats.

"YOU (BLEEP)!" Deidara yelled.

"YOU (BLEEP)ING (BLEEP)!" Itachi hollered back, causing many to re-dropped their jaws. Itachi never swore, especially in front of his brother!

Sasuke grumbled as he handed a grinning Naruto more money.

Amesha finally found her voice, shouting, "You tramp! How dare you steal Itachi-kun's kiss?"

Amesha then found herself under the glare of two very homicidal boys, both of which look ready to murder her.

"DID I LOOK LIKE I ENJOYED THAT!"

"I'VE BEEN POISONED THANKS TO YOUR LITTLE STUNT, YOU DUMB BROAD UN!"

Hana feeling impending death decided to interfere. "As touching as it was to witness your first step into a relationship, we really need to get going or the kids are going to be late."

Both boys turned to her, Itachi paling horrible as he shot Hana a look that was a mixture of embarrassment, pure disgust and a sudden need to drop dead and let the ground swallow him whole.

Deidara's glare should of dissolved her it was so acidic.

Both shot Amesha a withering glare, daring her to say a word about this. With that the group turned and walked, Hana trying not to laugh as the Uchiha heir refused to look her in the eye and Deidara was swearing loudly as he plotted several gruesome scenarios to put Amesha and Hana in.

Naruro patted Deidara and Itachi. "Don't worry Aniki and Nii-san. Sasuke and I have already talked about this and we've agreed to support you two as you continue on in this relationship."

Both shinobi spun around, looking at the two and praying that they had just misheard them.

Sasuke smiled widely. "Yup! Even if Tou-san and Kaa-san disown you and Shisui ridicules you I'll always be by your side! Just remember, I do want a nephew or niece somewhere in the future so please consider adopting."

"And don't forget to wear protection!"

Sasuke frowned at that as he turned to his friend. "Protection from what?"

"I really don't know yeah, but I heard one of Shisui's friend's telling him that right before he went on his date."

Itachi's left eye was twitching sporadically as Deidara resisted the urge to strangle them both.

Hana looked ready to burst. Naruto and Sasuke both looked up innocently at their brothers, trying very hard not to laugh at the reaction they just illicit out of them. Then Naruto and Sasuke began turning red as they shook as the older two realized they just been had.

"You two…" Deidara started but was cut off by the two boys busting out with laughter and was soon followed by Hana's bark like laughter.

You kid's are spending waaaaay too much time with me." Deidara said with a sigh, though now he was smiling, though pride wounded. He'd get them back later.

Itachi glared at Deidara. "Quit polluting Sasuke's mind."

"Quit having a crush on Hana." Deidara shot back in a whisper.

* * *

After being dropped off the children spent the day studying (unless you were Naruto's friend's then you'd be quietly sabotaging the teachers who for whatever reason were sabotaging Naruto) till the bell tolled for lunch and recess.

In the shade of a tree, Naruto and Sasuke schemed.

"I say we threaten to show this to the Itachi Fanclub if they don't teach us a new jutsu." Sasuke whispered. Thanks to Deidara's lessons on evidences and exploiting Sasuke had found the best method to get Itachi to train with him; threaten to sell pictures of him to his crazy fanclub, double the price for the fan boys.

"Nah, lets wait. That way we can create as many copies as we want for both future and present needs yeah."

"Ah, okay. So Naruto, how's operation 'Throw the Roof' going?"

"Great! Tenten, Lee and I have all the explosions ready! As long as we don't have a heat wave over 90 degrees high we can set it off next Saturday."

"What happens if it reaches over 90?"

"It goes off three days early, and run the risk of killing or horribly maiming people."

"Oh. Guess that makes sense. Hey, what's going on over there?" Sasuke pointed to a group of children surrounding a smaller child. The five older children, though just far enough for the boy's not to hear could clear tell they were saying some nasty stuff to the little girl in the middle.

Both boys' look on for a moment before looking to one another.

"…Wanna try and rescue her yeah?"

"Sure. I'll be the distraction and you rush in and get her."

Sasuke stood up, grabbing one of the many balls that were around for various games. Estimating the right angle Sasuke placed it down and with a well aimed kick sent it flying at the older children. It hit one in the head before racketing off and into two others.

"Hey!"

"Ow!"

"Oof!"

All the older children turned glaring at Sasuke who gave an apologetic smile, bowing slightly.

"I'm sorry! I meant to kick it one way and it went the other!" _Crap, their all Hyuuga's!_ Sasuke mentally scowled as he avoided looking into those blank-looking but nonetheless glaring eyes.

The little girl looked at him, not sure what to do though fearing her cousins will turn their ire onto the small boy. Before she could do anything though a hand covered her mouth, another wrapping around her waist as she felt herself being carried away at an alarming pace.

Sasuke smiled brightly before turning and running away.

Meanwhile Naruto had ran into the building, girl still in tow.

Reaching the classroom the blonde let go of the girl who gave him a frightened but confused look.

Naruto grinned friendly. "It's okay! Your safe now! I'm Uzumaki Naruto, what's yours?"

The girl blinked once before looking away, twirling her fingers.

"Um, uh, I-I'm Hyuuga Hinata." She stuttered softly.

"That's a pretty name, just like you." Naruto said honestly. Kumiko-oba-san had told him that when making friend's with a girl it was always nice to compliment them but to be honest when doing so. He tried this out on Tenten, Ino and Sakura-chan.

Apparently besides saying they had a wicked weapons collection, pretty hair and gem-like eyes all three loved it when he called them pretty so he figured all girl's liked it when somebody called them pretty.

Plus to him, nearly all the girls he knew were pretty, so no lie there.

Hinata immediately turned a bright red, bashfully looking away.

"Um, did I say something wrong? Why are you all red?"

"N-No reason."

"You stutter a lot."

I-I'm s-sorry!"

"Oh don't worry! My friend's mother stutters a lot too, so no problem! Wanna hang out?"

Hinata blushed harder. Had this boy just ask to be her friend? Nobody ever asked that before! Normally other's were too afraid to ask or was scared off by her cousins who believed her unfit to be heiress.

"Y-you m-mean, f-friends?"

"Yeah! We can be friends! Okay, from now on, we're friends yeah!" Naruto announced loudly, hugging the pale girl closely.

Hinata promptly passed out, freaking poor Naruto out.

* * *

Deidara sighed, standing up from his choir.

_T__wo more weeks. Two more weeks and I can leave this frickin' job for good un._He mentally told himself. He had little doubt that Tsume was counting the days as well.

"Back to work Uzumaki! I'm not paying you to stand around doing nothing!"

"Really? Because from what I understand, the Hokage had pretty much made it so that if I wanted to just stand around doing nothing, you'd still pay me regardless."

Yes, reporting to the Hokage about every transgression she had against Naruto had beautiful results such as getting paid as long as he just showed up.

The pulsing blood vessel on her forehead and near foaming at the mouth from Tsume was another.

_Looks like I'm getting off early today_. Deidara grinned.

* * *

Hinata and Naruto spent the rest of the day together (as Sasuke was keeping her cousins busy) and Hinata had to admit, she really enjoyed herself. She had met the Naruto's other friends who all seemed quite happy to welcome her.

She hadn't been this happy in a long time.

"Naruto? Could you come here?"

Looking up they saw Hiroshi, gesturing Naruto over.

"I'll see you in a little bit Hinata-chan! Bye!"

Hinata watched them go, a feeling of dread over coming her. _Naruto-kun…_

Call her paranoid but Hinata trusted her feeling. When something bad was going to happen it was horrible. The last time she felt this, mother had passed away while giving birth to her sister Hanabi, and her father turned into such a cold man from the loss of his wife.

Activating her kekkei genkai Hinata watched as Hiroshi took Naruto to the second floor. After a few minutes it looked as though they were just doing that, talking.

Feeling silly Hinaya was about to release her Byakugan when she watched Hiroshi stick what looked like a needle into Naruto, making the boy fall over after a minute. Hinata then watched in horror as Hiroshi started to take out a baseball bat and hit Naruto with it.

Hinata barely registered moving from her seat or running up through the halls and up the stairs and into the room, nor did she recall getting into her gentle fist stance as she took out Hiroshi's right arm.

All she knew was that she needed to protect Naruto-kun.

Hiroshi cursed loudly, swinging the bat at Hinata, catching her in the stomach. Hinata was sent flying across the room before she hit the wall, crashing to the floor in a heap. Hinata groaned in pain, trying to step back up.

Hiroshi swore under his breath as he tied Hinata's hand and feet together before stuffing a rag into her mouth. Picking her up he ripped open a cupboard, stuffing the girl in.

"Now stay there! I have to finish what the Fourth started nearly seven years ago." And with that he slammed them shut. Activating her eyes Hinata could only watch as Hiroshi took the drugged up Naruto to the next floor.

All she could do was scream into the rag, begging any entity listening to save the blonde boy.

* * *

Sasuke, after finally getting away from the enraged Hyuuga's (who after realizing that Hinata was no longer there turned their attention onto the retreating Uchiha) wondered the halls, looking for his partner in crime with Ino (who had went on a ten minute rant about looking after her little brother). After finding and asking Kiba, Lee and Tenten (or more like stare at Tenten for a good five minutes straight and start talking gibberish till common sense told him to runaway before he made too much of a fool of himself) the two had found no hide or hair of Naruto but was told by several older kid's that they thought they saw Hiroshi-sensei.

They had searched the first floor and were half way through the second floor when Sasuke heard a muffled cry.

Immediately Sasuke was on guard, his rational side telling him to go back as his reckless side urged him on, saying he might get some blackmail out of this as Ino wanted to back away but needing to find her baby brother figure.

Keeping his camera ready the two ventured into the room. It was an empty classroom. Another muffled cry was heard this time from a cupboard. Replacing the camera for a practice kunai and handing one to Ino, Sasuke threw open the cupboard doors.

…and promptly gapped along with Ino.

It was the girl he and Naruto saved early, tied and gagged and stuffed in this small space, tears flowing down her face.

Sasuke took a quick picture (for her to use against the one who did this) before dragging her out and untying her.

Ripping off the gag the crying girl quickly said, "Naruto-kun! Hiroshi-sensei took Naruto-kun away, saying he was going to finish what the fourth had started! We got to hurry, he's hurting Naruto-kun!"

Sasuke recovered from this exclaim faster then the girl next to him. Turning to her he took command. "Ino! Go get an adult!"

"But-"

"Just go! Naruto needs you to do this! Now find as many adults as you can, and get the others to help you!"

Reluctantly the girl ran, shooting one look over her shoulder before disappearing. Turning to the Hyuuga, Sasuke spoke. "You better leave too."

He was surprised by the loud "No!" she nearly yelled. Before he could speak again though the girl was talking.

"I-I know which r-room there i-in! I-if your p-planning to save Naruto-kun, you will have to know what only m-my eyes can t-tell you."

It was then that he noticed that her Byakugan was activated. _What! She's the same age as me! How can her kekkei genkai be working while mine aren't?_

Deciding now was not the time to be getting jealous Sasuke agreed.

The two ran to the top floor, slowing down as they got to the door. Muffled screams could be heard, mixing with the sound of something hard contacting with flesh.

Sasuke and the Hyuuga drew out the kunai's, the girl trembling at the sight she could see through the wall.

"Y-you c-can o-open it slightly. H-he's too busy t-to n-notice us. Naruto-kun…" she whispered, fresh tears falling down her horror-stricken face.

Sasuke did so peeking inside. He was very glad the Hyuuga girl was there because she had clamped a hand over his mouth right before he could scream.

Hiroshi was standing over a black and blue gagged Naruto, dropping a bloody baseball bat he had in his hands to the ground before pulling out a scalpel.

Then he began to cut from Naruto chest to his waist, pulling the skin away to reveal under it, blood seeping to the floor.

Sasuke raced forward, throwing the kunai in a fit of protective rage at the teacher. Hiroshi caught it, picking his bat back up as he swung it as fast as he could. Sasuke dodged, but wasn't expecting the in coming fist that collided with his face sending him backwards. Hinata charged forward, attacking his left leg.

Hiroshi brought the weakened leg up, hitting Hinata in her badly bruised torso, sending her flying once more.

Hiroshi saw some flashes and saw Sasuke with his camera, glaring at him. As Hiroshi limped towards him Hinata rushed back in, attacking his back. Crying out Hiroshi turned, back handing Hinata into the wall where she struck her head, falling unconscious.

Hiroshi rushed as fast as he could up to Sasuke, punching as hard as he could in the gut. Sasuke was knocked breathless, dropping the camera to which Hiroshi took the bat to, destroying it.

Hiroshi knew he was in trouble. All he had planned to do was kill the demon child and frame another teacher for the murder but thanks to those little brats he had to improvise.

_I have to make it look like an accident. This brats can die with him if their so intent on saving him. It's for the greater good._ Hiroshi thought as he threw the two children in a closest.

He'd set the building on fire! The brats will then either suffocate or burn to death! As for the demon, well if he survives from blood loss then he will die by burning alive.

And with that thought Hiroshi went about setting the entire top floor on fire.

After making sure it was big enough to destroy the whole building, Hiroshi ran off.

_And justice is served._ The teacher thought as he left the premises to celebrate.

Sasuke held onto the unconscious Hyuuga, feeling his face and torso bruising, watching as smoke began to seep from the crack under the door.

The nutso had set the building on fire!

"Naruto! Are you okay? Naruto!"

Getting no reply Sasuke mentally cursed his luck. _At the very least_, he hoped, taking something out of his pocket._When they find our corpses this'll show them who did this._Sasuke thought grimly, stuffing both films back into his pocket. That thought alone caused Sasuke to loose all his self control as fear overwhelmed his senses.

"We don't want to die! Someone, anyone, help us!" Sasuke screamed at the top of his lungs.

"ANIKI!"

* * *

Deidara yawned tiredly, slowly making his way to the school. Tsume had looked ready to pop a blood vessel by the time his shift ended, which to him was always a funny sight to see.

_I wonder how Naruto's doing. Probably being told off by a teacher again, or telling everyone they can't eat the lunch I packed._He smiled as he thought. Today had been a good day so far!

Deidara then stiffened when he felt something rush towards him, several somethings. Dodging out of the way in time, Deidara quirked a brow at the sight of at least twelve Jounins and medic-nin's.

"What happened? Did the terrorist attack?" one asked another.

"No, they said the building on fire. We gotta hurry; some of the kids are still trapped inside."

At the word 'kids' Deidara grabbed one of the Jounin's. "What going on?"

"Not right now kid! The school's on fire!"

Deidara felt a chill go down his spine and before the man could say anything else Deidara was gone. Rushing through the rooftop's Dedara reached the school in record time. The whole top floor was ablaze!

Rushing down to the ground Deidara began looking through the groups of children for the blonde and whiskered faced boy, calling out his name.

"Naruto! Naruto! Naruto, answer me!"

"Deidara-kun!"

"Uzumaki-san!"

Two familiar voices called out. Looking over he spotted Uchiha and Hana making their way to him.

"Did you spot Kiba or Sasuke by any chance?" Hana said with a cracked voice, tears shining in her eyes.

The blonde shook his head causing Hana's breathing to become harder.

"Ino? Ino where are you!" Kumiko's rang out, along with many other worried and fearful parents and/or family members fearing the safety of their children.

After several more minutes of fruitless searching Deidara stood on top of the fence, throwing up in the air a spider like sculpture.

"Deidara-kun, what are you do-" Hana was cut off by a resounding _**BOOM**_that made everyone drop to the ground.

"Alright! Now that I have your attention, listen up!" the ten year old yelled with such authority that even the adults didn't quite want to disobey.

"I'm looking for Uzumaki Naruto, Yamanaka Ino, Inuzuka Kiba, Nara Shikamaru, Tenten, Rock Lee and Uchiha Sasuke! If you are present get up here so I can see you!"

Immediately five of the seven names he called out weaved themselves out of the crowd.

Kiba and Ino were the first to emerge, followed by Tenten and Lee with Shikamaru and a chubby boy holding up the rear.

Yoshino, Kumiko and a plump woman (who Deidara assumed was the mother of the chubby boy Shikamaru had brought with him) practically bawled with happiness upon seeing that their children were safe. Tsume, having received word about the burning school nearly bulldozed everyone to make sure Kiba was safe was now holding her son close as Hana checked over Tenten and Lee before standing next to her family.

Deidara and Itachi were less inclined to feel happy.

"Uzumaki Naruto and Uchiha Sasuke!" Deidara called out once more.

"Nii-sama!" Ino cried out, getting everyone attention.

"Sasuke-kun and I found the Hyuuga girl tied and gagged in a cupboard! She told us that Hiroshi-sensei had taken Naruto away to finish what the fourth started, whatever that means!"

Deidara noted that many of the adults froze or grinned grimly at that odd saying.

"He's going to hurt Naruto!" Ino nearly bawled. "Sasuke-kun and the Hyuuga girl went to go rescue him after he told me to get an adult but when I told them that Naruto was in danger they just ignored me!"

Everyone felt the acute pressure of several killing auras and some of the teachers meekly slunk further to the edges of the crowd.

"They are inside." A child's voice sounded out. Both Jounin's turned to see a young Hyuuga boy with long hair looking at the building, the veins around his eyes bulging.

"They are with Hinata-sama, on the top floor, room 3-F. Two is in the closest while the other one…I not sure but he looks hurt."

"Neji!" a deep baritone voice called out.

"Tou-san! Hiashi-sama! Hinata-sama is in danger, and Gin, Daisuke are either died or dying in the back of the building, room 1-D and I can't find Katsuya or the rest!"

Hana looked back at the building, feeling worry and terror gripping at her. Would any of the children make it? She never felt so helpless!

"What the hell are you two doing?-!" someone yelled. Looking up Hana felt her blood freeze at seeing Itachi and Deidara's disappearing into the building.

"They're insane!"

"They'll get killed!"

"They could suffocate!"

"Uchiha I'm not concern about, he is a Jounin, but isn't the other one a civilian?"

"Blondie's going to die!"

_Dei-kun…Uchiha-san…bring 'em back, and come back alive…_ Hana encouraged.

* * *

Deidara and Itachi rushed through, both determined to save the children.

Giving a sideway glance to his partner Deidara spoke. "Aren't you going to tell me to 'go back, it's too dangerous, you're a civilian' crap un?"

"I would but I most seriously doubt you'd listen." Sharingan eyes spinning maddeningly as he stared at the blonde.

"Plus I really don't believe you're a civilian. You are far too skilled to be anything short of a Chunin."

Deidara gave a toothy grin. "I'm flattered you'd think that. I guess those lessons from those ninja's paid off after all."

"What ninja's?"

"I convinced some drunkards at a pub to sign a contract to train me for a period of time. Been doing it since I was six."

"Why were you even at a bar?"

"You'd be amazed what you can learn from people when they have their beer goggles on. Not to mention its safer then some places I've hidden in."

A high pitch scream broke through their prattle. Turning the corner the two found a burning hallway with two children on the other side, a boy and girl. The girl was currently clinging to the boy for dear life as the boy look as though he'd much rather deal with the flames then her, the only reason the fire hadn't gotten to them was because they sat next to the busted water pipe.

"Suirō no Jutsu: Water Prison Technique."

Itachi's hands were flying through hands seals at speeds only Deidara could keep up with, barely.

The water around the two children became a sphere, entrapping the children long enough to pull them through to safety.

Dropping the prison Itachi grabbed both of them turning them to the exit.

"Follow along that corridor until you see the front door."

Both children didn't hesitate and ran.

Itachi turned only to find Deidara ahead of him nearly to the stairs.

"Hurry up Uchiha! The entire third floor on fire! They could be roasting alive as we speak un!"

* * *

"They've cleared the first floor and are quickly heading for the third." Hizashi said, looking at the building through his Byakugan.

Just as he finished talking the two children the boy's had saved came running out, coughing profusely.

Tenten looked closer. "That girl is one of the bullies! Her names Ami, I think. And the other's that Aburame kid."

A couple of the adults (one looking like an adult version of the Aburame boy) rushed up, checking the children over.

"Thank goodness their okay." Hana breathed.

"Don't get relieved just yet, Inuzuka-san. Uchiha and Uzumaki are going higher where's there's less ventilation. It's only a matter of time before they suffocate. I give them ten minutes at the most." Hiashi replied, looking grim.

"And the three on the top?" Hana asked.

"Three minutes. Wait, what is the-"

_**BOOOOOOM**_

"GET DOWN!" Hizashi and Hiashi yelled in union.

Hearing the impromptu warning, everyone dropped to the ground as they got showered in debris, the much larger pieces flying farther away.

"Hyuuga's! What happened?" Tsume yelled.

"…The roof just blew off." Hiashi said in disbelief.

"It looked like somebody put high powered explosion on it." His twin said, only looking away long enough to see if his son was alright.

"Somebody was trying to blow up the school?"

"Just the roof; those explosions were made just to propel, not destroy. Those explosions must have been made weeks in advance, because I saw a chain reaction. In any event, this gives the children on the third floor more time." Hizashi replied.

No one noticed Tenten and Lee glancing at each other, sharing a knowing look.

* * *

The building shook all around Deidara and Itachi.

"What the hell!" Deidara yelled as he tried to maintain his balance. A loud crash was heard from behind them, telling the two boy's that their exit had been destroyed.

"We'll take the emergency latter's; their always located in the room closes to the stairs!" Itachi yelled out, the roar of the fire becoming painful as the heat.

Finally making it to the top floor they were somewhat confused as to why the roof was gone but didn't dwell on that long. Gulping down what little fresh air they could the boys ran to the room with a burning sign that said '3-F'.

Rushing in Deidara stopped short at the sight in front of him.

"Naruto!" He yelled, running over to the maimed boy.

Checking for vital signs Deidara was relieved to find a pulse, though shallow. Taking his hoari off, Deidara used it as a makeshift bandage before forcing a blood pill down Naruto's throat.

Itachi ripped the door off its hinges in his quest to get to Sasuke. "Sasuke!"

"An..iki?" came a hoarse voice.

Itachi nearly cried at the state of his beloved little brother but told himself it could have been worse. He could have found Sasuke in the same state as Naruto.

Picking both children up, Itachi turned to Deidara who had Naruto in his arms bridal style as they ran for the exit.

The two boys were barely in the hallway way when the rest of the ceiling gave out, forcing them to leap away. They had barely landed when Itachi yelled "Cover them!" when both boy's bent over there respective loads as a red hot pipe fell.

Both Itachi and Deidara cried out as it collided with their backs, searing right through both Itachi's vest and both of their clothing.

With nary a look at the other the two shinobi leveraged the hot pipe off. The pipe racketed off of the and onto the floor, showing them in sparks as it collided with the enflamed wall which shot out hot residue and ash. Itachi yelped in pain as some got into his eyes, temporarily blinding him.

Now they had a problem; the exit was now shut off. Deidara gritted his many teeth in frustration, lack of air and pain.

"Uchiha…how badly do you want to save your brother un?" Deidara asked making quick calculations.

"Who do you want dead?" Itachi said with little to no hesitation, still not quite able to see anything.

"Great, then you won't mind making a deal. If I save us, you cannot ever tell anyone, and that includes the Hokage of how I saved us. If you do, I'm coming after Sasuke and Hana and killing them in the most inhumane ways possible. Agreed?"

For a moment Itachi wondered what Deidara had up his sleeve that required secrecy but figured for his brother's life he could do it. Nodding Itachi was then redirected back up the stairs, his eyes sight still gone.

A strange 'poof' noise was heard, and Itachi, now fighting a battle to keep conscious as the pain intensified, was forced to sit on something soft and earthy feeling.

"Hang on. This'll be a bit bumpy un."

Itachi barely managed that (his arms were full after all) when he heard what sounded like very large wings flapping and then the wind whipping across his face.

Deidara flew the bird like sculpture through the flames, acting like a beacon as it leads him to the ground and out of the billowing smoke.

Pain blurred his perception, causing him to cash. Before it made contact with the unforgiving ground Deidara jumped off, Naruto cradled safely against him.

Itachi on the other hand crashed with it, but had managed to see enough to take the brunt of the impact.

The last coherent thoughts in Itachi's mind were 'is my brother safe and what the hell just happened'?

Deidara landed not far away, looking Naruto over once more before checking out the trio.

Itachi looked worse for wear as Sasuke looked like a punching bag. The Hyuuga girl though grunted, looking up dizzily, pain in every movement as oblivion threatens to claim her again.

She barely made out the girl—boy?—standing not far with Naruto-kun in her/his arms.

"Naruto-kun…is Naruto-kun okay…?" she whispered.

"…Yeah, he's okay un." The blonde said.

"G-good." She whispered, letting sleep take her.

Deidara smiled slightly at the girl who had gotten beaten up trying to safe Naruto. Speaking of which, if he doesn't get medical attention soon he'll die. _Dammit, Yukika picked the worse time to leave the village!_

Just then medics rushed forward, taking in the scene just long enough to make an easement before immediately taking care of the Uchiha's and the Hyuuga girl.

"Hey, he needs help." Deidara rasped. No one heard.

"Naruto needs help! He's dying!" Deidara said louder. One looked up, giving Naruto a dirty look. Before he could return to his job though the medic had been grabbed by the throat, forced to look into frigid cobalt eyes.

"HE NEEDS MEDICAL ATTENTION! NOW STOP GLARING AT HIM AND DO YOUR DAMN JOB!" Deidara yelled, each word laced with the promise of death.

"Y-you can't threaten us! We are doing our job! Clan members are our first concern!"

The air plummeted around them.

"You're telling me that even if a child is beaten and nearly got his organs ripped out, you'll do clans first because they're more important to you?" Deidara screeched. He knew that was normal in every village. The medics of Iwa would always fix him up normally before anyone else, but seeing this first hand…well it made him want to retch. Especially all over the medics.

"Yes. That's protocol. And besides," the medic said with a sneer, "why would we waste chakra on _him_? As far as I'm concerned he can go crawl into a hole and die."

Another medic looked up, a look of pure disbelief written on his young face. "How can you say that? He's just a child!"

"No he's not Satoshi! He's a mon-"

_CRACK_

The medic-nin's head turned sharply as he fell over, clutching his now broken nose.

Deidara stood over him, shaking with rage and for one painful second the medic thought he was going to die a slow and gory death. Deidara swiftly he turned around, rushing off.

"D-did you see what that boy did to me? He ought to be punished! I'll have the little-"

"Silence." Came a voice as cold as the grave. The head of the medic team stood, marching over to where the fallen medic lay.

"Satoshi, go help with the Hyuuga heiress. She has internal bleeding and massive bruising."

"Y-yessir." The young medic replied before leaving.

"S-sir! You saw what that brute did to me! He will be put into jail- AUGH!"

A swift and powerful kick to the ribs sent him sprawling.

"You should be glad that was all he did. I have very little doubt that had that boy not refrained himself you would have been killed."

"B-but s-sir-"

"Shut up. You defiled the code all medic-nin's had sworn too, and for that I'm dismissing you."

"D-dis-dismissing?"

"Your FIRED! Now get your ugly mug out of here."

They former medic scurried off, fearing the wrath of his former boss.

The head medic took a deep breath before returning to his duties. "Satoshi, I'll take over here. You work on the younger Uchiha."

"Yes Yakushi-san."

* * *

Deidara quickly ran to the safety of the apartment as gently as he could in order to prevent Naruto from moving too much.

Unholy rage filled him and it took all of his willpower to keep his chakra in check. Those bastards!

_That's it! As soon as Naruto and I are healed, I'm taking us__both out of this godforsaken shitehole!_ Deidara swore. It would take a while, a week or two but he'd be damned if he stayed here longer then necessary.

Reaching the apartment Deidara nearly kicked the door off its hinged as he entered. Getting to the bathroom Deidara lowered Naruto gently into the tub. Standing back up the bomber quickly got out the medical packs one normally only found in well stocked military medical places, courtesy of Yukika.

Nimbly he removed his haori from Naruto's waist, wincing at the gory sight. The poor kid had nearly been disemboweled!

This was beyond Deidara's abilities, the most he could do was try to keep Naruto alive till Yukika came back and pray that Naruto's regenerating ability didn't fail now.

He would have just kidnapped a medic and threaten them to heal Naruto but since he didn't trust those (BLEEP) to save a puppy so that was out of the question.

Wrapping bandages only tight enough to keep from falling off and layering it thickly Deidara forced the abnormally pale child to swallow two blood pills and a soldier pill. Deidara then stripped Naruto of the rest of his clothing as he set about washing off the blood and patching any wounds he may have missed. Once that was finished he placed clean clothes on him.

Making sure nothing else was amiss Deidara gently took Naruto out glad to see some color back into his cheeks. Quickly he took the unconscious boy to the bedroom, Deidara cursed colorfully.

"When Yukika returned I'll get her to check us both over, make whatever deals I need to with that sociopath woman to get my brother and I out of here." He muttered to himself.

Deidara nearly dropped Naruto when the full realization of his own words hit.

His brother. That had been the first time he ever called Naruto that and meant it. All the other times were either while pretending to be related or had been used with heavy sarcasm.

Deidara had gone to great lengths to keep from getting attached to people after the deaths of his parents. He had suffered because of those ties, having lost everything in a single night.

He had pushed everyone out, focusing solely on art and revenge. He had avenged their deaths but at what cost? To feel again?

Did this mean he had finally come to peace with what had happened and allowed himself to reach out for relationships again? Hadn't he suffered enough? Bonds took a great deal of time, energy, care and trust to make but could shatter or be taken from you in an instant.

He had been betrayed by his own team who had tried to off him, may their souls forever be in turmoil.

But Naruto…

Naruto craved for his attention, kept his secrets and looked up to him. The boy idolized him and practically glowed when Deidara complemented him. Though he sometimes questioned Deidara's method's he took them in stride, determined to make Deidara proud.

With startling clarity Deidara realized that to Naruto he was the child's focal point, the most stable person in his life, his pillar.

His only family.

Deidara looked down at the sleeping boy, wonderment evident in his eyes. Maybe, just this once, he'd keep this relationship.

_Don't I deserve to be happy too? Even if it's a total lie… well, I'd much rather live this beautiful lie then live the repulsive truth any day. And to think that people want to hurt my brother…_

Deidara's rage came back. Gently placing the child down, Deidara quickly four iwa bushins.

"Set up the traps and keep him safe un." He ordered as he marched into the kitchen. Browsing through the cupboards Deidara final found what he was looking for; the biggest and sharpest cleaver they owned.

Heading for the door Deidara spoke to one of the clones.

"I'll be back in a couple of hours. I'm off to kill someone."

* * *

Hiroshi snarled to himself as he stomped to his house. He had failed to kill that demon! How had that monster survived? He left the monster nearly disemboweled, and covered in alcohol; he should have gone up in ablaze!

He had been foolish; he should have killed the Uchiha and Hyuuga brats but because he had not he would need to pack and leave Konoha and fast.

Opening the door, Hiroshi was going to his room to pack when-

_**BOOM**_

The chunin was sent flying into his wall, breaking it.

Stars erupted before his eyes, a voice echoing somewhere.

"You're supposed to be the Academy Teacher? Dear kami, those kids are going to die…"

Hiroshi vision cleared and standing before him was the demon's effeminate brother, looking very unimpressed.

"What the-" Hiroshi started pulling out a kunai.

"You made a very stupid mistake today." The blonde said.

Hiroshi stared at the impassive looking boy, feeling dread wash over him as his skin prickled, feeling as though something was biting at him.

"What are you doing here?"

Deidara gave a creepy smile. "I'm here to kill you."

Hiroshi felt his blood chill, not because of the death threat but because it was said in such a tone that one would have thought the boy was commenting on the weather.

"You? HA! You're not even a ninja!" Hiroshi said with false bravo, charging forward.

He took the cleaver from his back and just as Hiroshi reached him, he dived between the legs of the older man and slashed out his hamstrings. Hiroshi fell to his knees yelling and swung his blade back.

The kunai clattered to the ground along with a hand still gripping it. Hiroshi groaned yelped in pain and Deidara kicked him in the face.

"Do you know why I'm doing this, un?" Deidara asked violently, his corrosive chakra surrounding him like a noxious barrier, digging, biting and clawing at the two in the living room.

Hiroshi groaned in pain and turned over holding his arm. The homicidal Jibaku stomped down on Hiroshi's face breaking his nose and spreading blood over his face.

"DO YOU KNOW _WHY_?" Deidara yelled, a detrimental gleam in his eyes.

Hiroshi swung out with his hand and Deidara dodged easily bringing the meat cleaver up to strike the wrist. The hand fell to the ground bloody and without an owner. Hiroshi looked at the stump that was his wrist and sobbed his answer.

"I-I done nothing wrong! Your doing this be-because I tried to kill that m-monster, you freak."

Deidara kicked his head again and screamed. "HIS NAME IS NARUTO! You tried to kill an innocent kid!"

Even in his fear and pain Hiroshi glared at the crazy blonde.

"Innocent? That demon is anything but innocent! He murdered my wife and children! Aurgh-ACK!"

"You are not the first to call him that. Tell me, why is he a demon." Deidara said lightly with one hand on the Chunin's throat, teeth digging into his soft flesh.

Hiroshi laughed, the pain and blood loss having gone to head.

"He's the frickin' nine tailed fox! He was the one to attack us six and a half years ago! He's a murdering, soulless monster! The Fourth Hokage died putting it in human form!"

For a split moment Deidara just stood still, as his well honed balance threaten to leave and realization dawning on him. The looks, whispers, attacks and isolation, it made sense now!

The blonde whiskered boy was just like Roshi and Han from Iwa.

Uzumaki Naruto was a jinchuriki.

The bomber put his feet on each side of the teacher's chest and knelt down.

"He'll turn into a demon if you force him into one. I really am amazed he hasn't gone crazy or started hating you people to the point of destroying Konoha, though if he does ever get to that point I'll gladly help him."

"Y-you'd help that monster!"

Deidara turned the cleaver over so he held the blunt side at the ready. He struck down on Hiroshi's throat and he coughed up blood.

"He's not a monster; we are."

Deidara found Hiroshi's collarbone and felt it out so he knew where it was.

"What are you doing?" Hiroshi gasped warily.

"I told you, I'm going to kill you, retard. Normally I just blow people up in my art, but your not worthy of such a wondrous death." As he said this, Deidara forced his fingers into the skin and took hold of the collarbone.

Hiroshi's let out a blood curdling scream as Deidara pulled outward. The bones slowly cracked and split from the force.

"PLEASE! STOP!" Hiroshi screamed. "PLEASE FORGIVE ME! I'LL NEVER HARM THE BOY AGAIN! PLEASE LET ME LIVE! PLEASE!"

Deidara let go and the collarbone. He held Hiroshi's face with his own bloody hands and smiled pleasantly.

"There is no redemption for the likes of us."

Again, Deidara took hold of the bone and tore at it with all of his strength, relishing in Hiroshi's agonized screams.

* * *

Hatake Kakashi, ANBU captain was right now side stepping one of his subordinates as the newbie ripped off his mask so that he could hurl properly.

Not that he could blame the poor sap. The man's throat had been chewed on, windpipe half gnawed out, hands lobbed off, collarbone literally ripped out, disemboweled which judging by the smell of burnt flesh and raw organs had been set ablaze, blood everywhere. The sight before him would have made even those with strong stomachs a bit queasy.

"Ah sweet! I love what the assailant did to this guy and his apartment!" cackled a voice at the door.

Unless of course you were half crazy psycho bitch or tortured people for a living (or both).

"Anko-san, why are you here?" Kakashi said sternly.

"I saw a three ANBU's come running here. I thought I'd see the fun." She said casually, watching the medic as he deciphered how Hiroshi had died.

When Sasuke and Hinata came too, they was quick to tell of how Hiroshi had tortured the kyuubi's vessel before locking younger Uchiha and Hyuuga heiress in a closest and setting the building on fire in hopes of making Naruto's death look like an accident.

Twenty-seven children had died, fifty-two hospitalized and the Uchiha and Hyuuga clans were practically frothing at the mouths, screaming for blood because of the deaths of eight of their children, three from Uchiha and five from Hyuuga (all main branch) and both clan's heir and heiress had been hospitalized.

After getting sixteen witnesses saying they had seen Hiroshi take Naruto out of the room and had disappeared for the rest of the day, and with the pictures Sasuke had taken Hiroshi was now a criminal.

But once they had arrived here they found that the man had been tortured to death.

"Sir! Look at this!" the ANBU medic called out.

Both Anko and Kakashi walked forward to see what the medic found.

Carved into the man's back was this:

_**This man had atempted murder, arson, and was a total arsehole that probably molested the boys he 'taught'. I shall leave this corpse mostly intact so that you can dissect it, mummify it, fornicate with it or just dress it up and have tea with it. Do whatever you want, but get a REAL teacher at that school. Preferably an unbiased one with some real skill…you do have those right?**_

…_***.*?**_

…_**O.o?**_

… _**Those kids are doomed…-.-'**_

Kakashi and Anko stared at the strange, er, note.

After a moment Anko spoke. "He misspelled 'attempted', adding the wrong marks in the kanji; though I give points for the faces, those are really cute."

Hatake Kakashi, legendry Copy Ninja who had over a thousand jutsu's, ANBU captain and trained by the Fourth Hokage took several steps away from Anko, shooting her creeped out looks from behind his mask.

* * *

A blood soaked Deidara walked sedately back to his apartment, humming a tuneless tune as his mind struggled to sort out everything.

Who would have thought the lovable knucklehead known as Naruto was a jinchuriki? The two jinchuriki of his former village were cold, heartless, and insanely powerful with a deep loathing for the rest of their village. He was still amazed they hadn't gone AWOL yet!

When ever he heard of jinchuriki he always thought these things so it was little wonder why that would clash horribly with Naruto's happy, go-lucky and innocent image.

_At least this explains why those morons treated him like this. It's a perfectly normal__reaction. I'd react the same too._ The second that thought processed Deidara blanched, feeling suddenly nauseous with himself.

_Thinking that way makes you no better then them! Normal or not, Naruto is innocent! He has no frickin' idea as to why these (BLEEP) are attacking him, attempting to starve him, keep their kids away from him and sabotage his education!_

Strangely this was yelled by both the voices in his head with his own, causing a discerning and very eerie voice of three in one to resonate in his skull.

Anger filled himself, irked at himself for even thinking like that. He would not treat Naruto like that! He knew all too well what it felt like being hated for something you had no control over!

_But Naruto doesn't havta live with that,_ Deidara thought as he opened the door to his apartment. _As soon as he better and Yukika returns I'm taking him outta here. I'll be a contract terrorist bomber and teach Naruto how to create his own art. I'll help my little brother reach his full potential._

His Little Brother. He liked the sound of that.

It was when he leaned against the wall did he realize something, something his earlier unreasonable anger and corrupted chakra had completely overwhelmed but now that he was calmed and rational was impossible to ignore.

Deidara yelped in pain, falling on his knees as an overwhelming awareness of nausea assaulted his senses; his back was in throbbing in pain from the red hot pipe that had landed on it and the exposure of his own chakra.

Bile rose up through his throat and in a matter of seconds he had emptied the contents of his stomach on the carpet, his vision blacking in and out as a buzz filled his ears, pounding head.

Forcing every once of control he had Deidara stood up, unsteadily making his way to the bathroom. His clone met him there, looking as bad as he felt.

Looking at his creator, Clone-Deidara muttered, "Somewhere there's a lucky bastard having a heart attack."

"Where's the other's?" Deidara asked, ignoring the clones comment.

"The first and second crumbled 'bout half an hour after you left, the other one is keepin' an eye on Fishcake and I'm here to bandage you. I recommend we hurry in the bandaging; I'm about ready to pop out too. "

"Then let's get started."

The clone had barely finished applying a burn salve when he crumbled. Grunting and wincing the bomber placed on the bandages, covering up his whole torso and back as best as he could while using the mirror.

Pulling out a syringe he made a quick estimate of just how much morphine Yukika normally used on Naruto when he took the younger blonde to see her before sticking it into himself. Stiffly he walked to the bedroom His clone looking extremely pale and wasted no time to crumble when he saw Deidara.

Deidara looked over Naruto. The younger boy had color in his face again, torso to waist rapped up heavily, a frown on his face telling of his disturbed sleep.

Lowering himself gingerly onto the bed, front side down (there was NO WAY he was sleeping on that couch with this back wound!) Deidara watched as Naruto disturbed expression morphed to one of content, as though he sensed the older boy was near.

Deidara hand shot out when Naruto tried to roll over, forcing the little boy to stay in his current position. Naruto smiled happily.

"Nii-san…"

Deidara smiled drowsily as his eyes fluttered shut, the morphine taking effect.

"Night otouto…"

* * *

*tamagoyaki = rolled omelet

* * *

**Extremely short OMAKE!**

* * *

"Sir! Look at this!" the ANBU medic called out.

Both Anko and Kakashi walked forward to see what the medic found.

Carved into the man's back was this:

_**For a good time, please call Inuzuka "The Bitch" Tsume at…**_

* * *

PD


	19. Flowers and Unrequited Love

**My Wish Order Brother**

Author: PiperDreamer

Rating: Rated: M

Genre: General, AU

edited: 04/07/12

* * *

**Chapter 19: Flowers and Unrequited Love**

* * *

Dark chocolate eyes looking around the waiting room, flowers in one hand as the other firmly grasped Kiba's.

The young nurse behind the counter gave a quick smile though her eyes revealed how annoyed she really was as she shuffled through the papers in front of her.

"I'm afraid Uchiha-sama is currently not allowed to have visitors." She said with false sadness. Hana ignored the cries of dismay that filled the air around her.

"Uchiha-sama is too ill to see?"

"Itachi-kun needs me!"

"Yeah right! The sight of you would probably make him worse!"

Leaning into the counter, Hana raised her voice above the bickering.

"Can I see Uchiha Sasuke, Hyuuga Hinata, Uzumaki Deidara and Naruto?"

The nurse gave an exasperated sigh. "Listen miss, it's a crafty idea I'll admit that but you are not seeing Uchiha-sama!"

"I'm not-" Hana started but growled when the noise behind her grew. Whipping her head around the Inuzuka barked out, "QUIET!"

The noise ceased, most of everyone giving Hana an incredulous look. Turning back to the nurse Hana spoke in a tone that promised retribution if interrupted.

"I'm not here with them; I here to see my friends. They had been hurt during the school fire. Please tell me which room has Uchiha Sasuke, Hyuuga Hinata, and Uzumaki Deidara and Naruto."

"Hey! No fair we were here first!" a decidedly stupid girl said.

Hana glared at the Itachi Fan Club, a deep growled escaped her lips.

Before she could reply the doors opened, revealing a very worried looking Kumiko and Ino.

Walking to the desk the Yamanaka quickly spoke. "I'm here to visit my employee and his brother. Their names are Uzumaki Deidara and Naruto."

Before the nurse could open her mouth the doors flew open again, this time revealing the Head of the Hyuuga clan with his new wife who carried his infant daughter, brother and nephew.

"I'm here to visit my daughter." He said in a manner that left no room his words to be contradicted.

"O-of course." The nurse stuttered, looking for the right room. The poor young lady jumped when the doors banged open again, this time revealing the Uchiha Head and his wife along with a young girl and older teen.

"Where is Uchiha Itachi?" the policeman said in a cold tone, eyes flashing red.

The nurse was ready to hyperventilate. "H-Hyuuga, room B-9. Uchiha, room B3. Family only." The nurse barely managed to choke out. The Uchiha quickly marched off but the Hyuuga stayed for a moment.

Hana looked around, smirking at the fact that the fan club from hell was gone. Looking back at the shaking nurse Hana repeated her inquiry.

The nurse was quick to look through the pile now, hoping to get rid of the oppressive air faster.

"Um, there's no Uzumaki anywhere in this hospital."

"What do you mean? They were hurt!" Kumiko exclaimed, as the Hyuuga twins both narrowed their pale lavender eyes.

"Well they are not here. Maybe the wounds weren't as serious as you thought?" the nurse asked politely.

Unbeknown to most in the room, Hizashi and Hiashi shared a knowing looking as something dark flashed across those pastel eyes.

Hana sighed, looking sad and worried. She didn't know how Deidara reacted to hospitals (though judging on his personality he'd much rather just take care of himself then go to a doctor) but she did know he wouldn't let anything bad happen to Naruto; it still both frightened and awed her just how caring and protective Deidara was of the younger blonde.

If Naruto was hurt Deidara would make sure Naruto got treatment, even if he had to threaten and use Sasuke's blackmailing abilities to get it.

Mumbling a 'thank you' Hana was about to take Kiba and go home when a slender hand touched her shoulder. Kumiko gave a reassuring smile as they left together.

"It'll be alright Hana-chan. The nurse was probably right about their wounds. Deidara cares about Naruto too much _not_ to let the boy go to the hospital if they had been hurt." Kumiko said in a comforting tone as they walked.

Hana didn't respond, just focused on the two bouquet flowers in her hand. Kumiko noticed this and looked at the flowers as well, smiling slightly. When Hana had gone to the Yamanaka Flower Shop she had just been looking for 'get well' flowers. It had been three days since the school fire, and no one had heard or seen the Uzumaki's and Uchiha's.

Kumiko couldn't believe how empty it felt when she didn't see Deidara or her pseudo-son Naruto.

The first bouquet was Yarrow, Camellia and a Yellow Rose; health, admiration and friendship. This was for the Uchiha brother's the young Inuzuka heiress explained, wanting to wish them good health and just how much she admired them for their bravery and treasured their friendship.

The second was Fennel, Coreopsis and a Blue Rose; strength, always cheerful and mystery. Hana had said that the fennel and coreopsis was Deidara and Naruto, respectably. The blue rose on the other hand was more for the fact that it felt right to be there; the Uzumaki's were a mystery to her, namely the eldest.

Kumiko at the time had to hide the grin on her face when Hana blushed at the mention of Deidara. The older woman had a feeling that Hana was starting to develop a crush on the blonde though she was probably in that denial state or hadn't quite realized it yet.

_Ho ho ho! The Inuzuka heiress, young and free is falling for the charming, charismatic orphan with dashing good looks! Will the__social standing and background keep them apart or will love conquer all?_Kumiko inwardly ranted, her mind going on about the 'inevitable love'. Oh she couldn't wait to see her friends!

Hana on the other hand sighed, worry written in her eyes. She hadn't seen Deidara or Narutro in three days and couldn't help but worry even more now that she knew they weren't at the hospital. If they were fine she was sure they would have visit by now.

Something was wrong, she could feel it.

The Genin nearly jumped when a large hand touched her shoulder. Looking back Hana was surprised to see the Uchiha teen from earlier looking at her.

"Hana-san?"

Nodding slowly, Hana was a little surprised to see him smile very briefly.

"Please come with me." He said cordially.

The girl gave him a hard look, sizing him up and trying to see what he wanted. The teen smirked.

"I was under the impression you wanted to see my dear cousin's, but if you'd rather not see Itachi-kun and Sasuke-gaki I do understand." he chuckled.

It was then that Kiba and Ino both let out a gasp, pointing at the older teen.

"You're the guy who always hocks Sasuke-kun off to Deidara-Nii-sama!"

"Hey! Your Shisui right? Sasuke's strange and questionably gay cousin?"

Shisui gapped at Kiba for a moment before giving the boy a harsh glare.

"What do you mean 'hocks' Sasuke-chan off to Deidara-kun?" Kumiko said, giving the Uchiha a stern glare, to which he gave a nervous smile. Oh, how he hated children.

"I pay Deidara-san to baby-sit Sasuke from time to time. And what did you mean by 'questionably gay'?"

"That's what Deidara-sama said." The young Inuzuka said with a shrug.

_Note to self; maim Uzumaki the next time I see him._ Shisui thought miffed.

"And Uchiha-san supported this." Hana added.

_And Weasel-chan too._

Hana gave him a skeptical look. "I don't think your family would appreciate us there."

"They're done visiting, and besides; I'm pretty sure both Itachi and Sasuke would like to have some real friends visiting for once instead of the fan club or Amesha." Shisui wasn't about to tell them that he had been blackmailed by that little brat Sasuke into getting them to come.

"Can we come too?" Ino said, looking hopeful.

"Sure. By the way, do you know where I can find the Uzumaki's? I'm sure they'd like to visit too."

"No we haven't. We thought they'd be at the hospital since they were caught up in this too."

Shisui frowned at that. Sasuke had told Itachi (once the rest of the family had left) that Naruto had nearly been killed by one of the teachers. Rumor had it he was serving time now.

"Well Deidara-kun's a pretty touch guy from what Itachi has told me. I'm sure he'll be fine. As for Naruto…well rumor has it Deidara-kun stared down an angry mob and broke the limbs of a guy who stared at Naruto wrong."

Hana laughed, knowing full well that those rumors about the broken limbs were true. As for glaring down a mob, from what Kiba had told her Deidara had whispered something to the group. The result of his words was ashen skins, trembling bodies and even a loss of bladder control.

Going back to the hospital they were surprised to see another person at the desk, looking as though she was ready to chew the poor nurse a new one.

"Where is the Uzumaki's?" the woman yelled, looking more beast like then human.

"I don't know! They never came in!" the nurse sobbed.

Tsume growled loudly as her talon like nails dug into the wood.

The poor nurse was spared anymore onslaught of harsh words by Hiashi returning with co.

"Inuzuka-san, please stop terrorizing the woman." He said in tone that would have indicated that this had happened before.

Hizashi looked ready to bust down and join the nurse in crying when Tsume looked in his direction.

Shisui leaned forward till he was close to Hana's ear. "Is that your mother?"

"Yes."

Shisui gave a noncommittal 'hn', though he was starting to understand why his friends had said that unless they were born into the clan, men normally ran the hell away from their Inuzuka lover.

* * *

Itachi winced as he fought to sit up, finding resting on his front uncomfortable but understandable, what with his back wound and all.

Sasuke black eye had gone done along with the welt on his face; nearly his whole torso was wrapped up.

"Aniki if you try to leave again the nurse'll just catch you." Sasuke said matter-of-factly.

Itachi groaned, lying back down. He hated hospitals!

"Aniki, do you think Deidara-danna and Naruto-baka are okay?" Sasuke asked, fearing the answer. When the young boy had come to he immediately told of what had transpired the day the school was set ablaze, giving the first film to the ninja's.

Truth be told he had no idea how the Uzumaki's were doing. He could only assume for the moment that they were somewhere in the hospital.

What bothered him the most was how Deidara had saved them; having been temporary blinded he didn't get a clear look of how the younger boy had pulled it off. One thing was for certain; whatever he used was dangerous.

The door opened, revealing Kumiko, Ino, Tsume, Shisui, Kiba and Hana.

"Hi Uchiha-san! Sasuke-chan!" Hana said brightly. Though Itachi was slightly embarrassed for her to see him in this weaken state he couldn't deny the happiness that filled him at seeing her here, visiting him!

"Hana-Nee-chan! Hi!" Sasuke exclaimed happily.

After much greeting and Hana giving them flowers (that seemed backwards to Itachi; shouldn't he be getting her flowers?) Itachi asked the question that had been plaguing him since he awoke.

"So how are the Uzumaki's fairing?"

The group gave looks of worry and fear, making Itachi's stomach sink.

"The nurse said they never came. We figured they must have been fine."

"They're not here? Naruto was practically eviscerated!" Sasuke yelled.

"What?" was the collective reply of the visitors.

"Wait a minute! I seriously doubt Deidara would endanger Naruto's life! What about that medic lady, the one with white hair? Doesn't Deidara-kun go to her normally?" Shisui called out, determined to keep pandemonium away.

"Well yes but-" Itachi started but got cut off by Shisui.

"You already said he would do anything to keep Naruto safe. I'm sure he took the boy to the lady or found an equally talented medic-nin to help. If your still worried we'll just go to the boy's apartment and check on them."

Itachi forced himself to calm down and relax; getting worked up would more then likely lengthen his stay, and Shisui was right. Deidara wouldn't jeopardize Naruto's life. They must be fine.

Shisui managed to calm the group, saying that once their visit was over they'd go look for the Uzumaki's which lightened many heavy hearts.

Sighing Itachi forced all thoughts of Uzumaki out of his mind, watching the odd group mingle for a moment before he looked at Sasuke, happy to see that Hana was by him, keeping him occupied.

Itachi smiled as he watched Hana teach Sasuke how to make an origami crane, looking like a loving mother. He could honestly say that if Hana ever became a mother, she would be the perfect balance between Tsume and Kumiko; stern and unafraid of disciplining her child yet kind and loving.

"So Hana-chan," Shisui said in a teasing voice. "Got any boyfriends?"

"Nay, I'm not really into that. If I find love then that guy better prepare for a life time commitment because it'll be 'till death do us part'. Literally."

"Really? With your pretty face, I'd imagine you having a swarm of boys crowding for your attention! Why not just date a few, experiment a little?"

"Flattery doesn't suit you. And no, I'm not going to go around and mess with guys hearts. Besides, I'm more then happy with my current single status."

"What flattery? I'm being honest!"

"Guys tend to avoid me like the plague so I'm pretty sure you're lying." Hana said casually.

What she didn't know was that all her would-be suitors had an unfortunate run in with a certain prodigy who had a talent for 'negotiating' in the interest of ones self preservation.

"He's right Hana-Nee-chan! You're gorgeous! I bet that even Aniki would want to snog you!"

"…snog?"

"Deidara-danna said that; says that it means to make-out like horny teenagers with over active urges."

"Urges?"

"What's 'horny'?"

Tsume palmed her forehead, muttering threats under her breath as Kumiko told Ino she'd explain the word 'horny' when she was older, Shisui laughing as Hana turned a bright red. Itachi had successfully hidden his face which burned red as well as images came unbiddingly to him.

Shisui grinned like a rogue as he leaned forward to the blushing Hana. "Ah! A succulent virgin I see. Fear not fair maiden, for it shall be my greatest honor to receive thy innocence! Now let us go yonder to far fields, frolicking guilefully in nay but our knickers, romping merrily in all hours of the early morn!"

Hana turned beet red as she gapped at the older teen who grinned mischievously, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. Shisui barely avoid the pillow being launched at him by Itachi but got caught by Tsume instead.

"It was a joke! A joke! I swear I wouldn't have touched her in any inappropriate way! I swear on my honor as an Uchiha!" Shisui said rapidly as he tried to pacify the homicidal looking woman.

Kumiko snickered at the sight of the Uchiha cowering in front of Tsume as Itachi forced his aloof mask in place.

_Don't push it cousin,_ Itachi mentally warned. _I've loved her for four years. I won't let you deflower her._ The Prodigy thought possessively.

His more rational side told him it was just Shisui teasing like he did with most girls and was just trying to relieve the tension while another side of him threaten to do unmentionable horrors on his relative's person if he so much as placed a toe out of line.

Itachi breathed deeply, forcing himself to calm down. Getting worked up over his cousin's stupidity wasn't going to help.

Reopening his eyes he found that Shisui must have managed to calm Tsume down and was flirting with Kumiko, who subtly brushed him off. Hana was chatting with Sasuke again, telling him he was a brave boy and that she was proud of him.

Then the door opened, revealing the two orphans Lee and Tenten.

Itachi felt a sense of nostalgia as he watched his brother blush as he openly stared at Tenten before looking shyly away, stealing peeks at her.

It reminded him greatly of himself, around the same time he fell for Hana.

_Nine year old genin Itachi glared at the older boys, mentally noting not to take this way to the training ground again._

_"Well if it isn't Uchiha Tachi, the great prodigy!"_

_"You think you're so much better then us because you got made a genin at seven huh? I bet your clan influenced the choices."_

_Itachi sighed, resisting the temptation to role his eyes. "I passed on my own works. If I had not then I would still be in the academy." He said in a droned tone before walking past them. He didn't want to run late for his team._

_But apparently the boys had other ideas as one reached out and grabbed him. Before Itachi did anything though he heard the sound of cartilage breaking as the boy who grabbed him let go with a yelp of pain._

_"Ow ow ow! By dose! You boke by dose!" the taller kid wailed._

_Itachi blinked at the sight before him. Another child, same age as he stood between him and the bullies._

_From his angle he could tell that this child had short wild brunette hair, marking on cheeks, wearing dirt smudged and torn clothing. The child looked like a 'she' so he was going to address said person as such._

_Barely her teeth much like a dogs the girl spoke. "You leave her alone! What's the matter with you, picking on poor defenseless girls?"_

_Girl? She thinks I'm a girl?__Itachi thought, feeling indignant._

_One of the boys glared at her. "Shut up Inuzuka! Nobody told you to interfere you repulsive dog!"_

_This proved to be a foolish mistake as her foot had shot up, hitting him full force in the groin._

_"Shut yer trap, numbnuts!"_

_"You ugly sow!" the last boy yelled before getting a boot to the face, efficiently knocking his front teeth out._

_"Who are you calling ugly? Have you looked in the mirror lately?"_

_Turning away from the groaning pile of bodies the girl walked up to him till they where nearly nose to nose, a feral grin gracing her chubby face. "You're all safe now! I'm Inuzuka Hana, what's yours?"_

_Itachi just stared, wondering if he ate something bad at breakfast as his stomach flipped and flopped._

_"Hana!" came a rough female voice._

_The girl Hana gasped in surprise before turning away, breaking out into a fast run._

_"Coming Mama!"_

_And as fast as she had arrived she was gone, leaving three boys in a bloody heap on the ground and a baffled genin._

_He met her again a week later…_

_"You're a boy?" the strange girl, Hana asked._

_"Of course." Itachi said irritably. He couldn't wait till he got older; he'd at least look like his gender._

_It was the Tanaba festival, a time where all families came out and celebrated. Itachi had wandered away from his family, not feeling like spending time with them. He's return later to watch the fireworks with Sasuke later._

_As he wandered around he bumped into the girl, Inuzuka Hana again who had recognized him from a week previous. The girl stayed by him the entirety of the time, asking questions left and right. Being the polite young man he was raised to be he answered most of the questions to the best of his abilities, all a while trying to figure out why his stomach flopped pleasantly and why her hand felt wonderful in his hand._

_Then the girl had begun to talk about how boys should not be so mean to younger children, especially girls like them. It was then Itachi had corrected her about his gender. This had lead to the barrage of inane questions._

_"Are you positive?"_

_"For the final time, yes." Itachi replied coolly, feeling very annoyed with her._

_Hana looked him over, walking around him as though looking for something._

_Finally she stopped in front of him with a pout on her face. "Nope. Don't see it. You sure you're a boy?"_

_"Yes!"_

_"Really…I wonder…" the nine year old girl mumbled before walking forward till she was invading his personal bubble. In one quick movement she grabbed his pants, pulling them forward enough to look down._

_"Well what do you know? You ARE a boy." Hana said in a surprised voice, missing how Itachi turned a beet red, eyes widening comically._

_Swatting her hand away the violated boy nearly screamed, "What is wrong with you?"_

_Cocking her head she raised a brow at him, confusion evident. "What?"_

_"Y-y-you don't just go around looking into people pants you- you GIRL PERVERT!"_

_"…what's a pervert?"_

_Itachi wanted nothing more then to run home, lock himself into his room and cry. She had just desecrated his person and didn't even know what she had done!_

_"It's a bad, __**bad **_**BAD**___person who peeks into boys drawers!" Itachi seethed._

_"But that's how Kaa-san checks to see if the puppies are boys or girls!"_

_"Do I look like a puppy?"_

_"But you're so girly looking!"_

_"It's not my fault I'm a hundred and ten percent better looking then you." Itachi said irritably. He then realized his mistake when a fist collided with his eye._

_"You jerk!" Hana yelled. Glaring at him she turned away marching angrily into a crowded area, leaving Itachi in a daze. No girl ever said that to him or punched him!_

_A weird feeling swirled inside him, making him feel light headed and strangely happy as a curious smile spread unknowingly across his face._

_Later when he got home, after he got tackled by his worried brother at the doorway and after he endured his mother screeching about the black eye he sported, Itachi would honestly say he never met a person like Inuzuka Hana._

_Six month later he would re-encounter the tomboy (who had sadly forgotten him) and witness the nutcracker shot with a lead pipe she delivered on a chunin she had mistaken for a thief, and later watch as she would train herself when no one else could, determination glowing in those chocolate orbs._

_He didn't know when he began to silently following her around, taking note of where she liked to go, her favorite foods, her quirks and mannerisms but it really didn't matter; she was slowly but surely becoming one of the three focal points in his life, right after Konoha and Sasuke._

_He had no idea at the time that his love for the young Inuzuka heiress could be considered by normal people to be on par with that of a stalker._

_He really couldn't care less; he was terminally in love with her._

Itachi sighed, looking back at Sasuke. The younger boy was trying to talk to Tenten but kept stuttering through it or not making sense.

Ah to be in love with an oblivious girl.

Now if only he was engaged to Hana instead of that nauseating Amesha but even he knew that was wishful thinking. He'd be forced to marry her and Hana would fall for someone else.

But until then he would make any suitors life a living hell till then!

Itachi continued to watch Hana, who was unaware of how his eyes darken in a possessive manner.

* * *

Sarutobi took a deep drag from his pipe as he read over the report. He had spent three days digging out of the paperwork because Deidara had called in sick with the flu so he was just now getting to the massacre of the would-be murderer Hiroshi.

From what the autopsy had revealed the man had died from the combined efforts of internal hemorrhaging in the lungs and his throat getting chewed out.

Reading the note that was carved into his back, Sarutobi found it just as disturbing as Kakashi had when Anko had gone and started a trend in the torture division by carving her name, age and sign on her victims.

Sarutobi stared at the note, studying it closely. _I've seen this handwriting before, I just can't place where,_ he thought intently.

Taro, who stood close by had over looked this with the Third had remained silent the whole time, having recognized the handwriting as their resident paperwork tamer's.

Taro was once a ANBU, had served during the Third War and when the Kyuubi attacked. He had became the Hokage's secretary after proving he wasn't just apt at the paperwork but exceedingly loyal to the Hokage and would (and had) taken a kunai for the Third. Some in the Tower would call him a tattle since he practically noticed everything and reported everything to the Hokage.

Despite these loyalties, the Hiroshi's actions had hit a raw nerve of Taro's.

Taro grew up in a small town near the borders of Fire with his parents and younger sister. It was a peaceful existence till one day Taro's younger sister had walked home from school one day but never got home. After three days searching her body in the middle of the woods. She had been beaten to death and was barely recognizable. The murderer, a previously convicted killer who targeted children, was found shortly after and publicly executed. Taro's family moved to Konoha right after they watched the man get killed for his crimes.

Now after reading the report and seeing Sasuke's and the forensic' pictures, Taro felt nothing but grim approval for the manner of Hiroshi's death even as it warred against his sense of duty about keeping this quiet. Deidara already was in hot water with those previous killings, though Taro approved of his reasons.

In Taro's mind, premeditated murder was only acceptable if it kept your loved ones safe.

_I would have done the same thing if I had been in his shoes._ Taro thought knowingly.

* * *

Review!

PD


	20. Numb

**My Wish Order Brother**

Author: PiperDreamer

Rating: Rated: M

Genre: General, AU

edited: 04/14/12

* * *

**Chapter 20: Numb**

* * *

Sakura knew from an early age that her mother had very unusual friends, such as the old one eyed man with a cane, the greasy looking short man, and a weird red head teenager with hooded eyes who squeaked and clinked every time he moved.

But so far this was her strangest friend yet.

He was a man who looked to be around his late forties or early fifties, long black hair, pale nearly white skin with strange purple pigment around his eyes (it's either that or make-up), had a large snake around his neck and was right now chatting in a low yet silky sounding voice with her mother who to the young girl's immense surprise wasn't stuttering. In fact even her hair was up in an intricate bun revealing her burn mark.

_Ohhhh! Dark Kaa-san is out._ The girl noted. Since she was four Sakura had noted two kind's of personalities from her mother; the kind yet low self esteemed woman who was always there for her and the one she dubbed Dark Kaa-san who made bad men disappear.

She really wished Dark Kaa-san would come out when Tou-san was around. Maybe he'd disappear too.

Though right now her mother seemed…happier was a good way to describe it. Well she always looked happier around her friends but for some reason her mother was just glowing with happiness. Maybe Mama and the strange man were really good friends like Sasuke and Naruto were?

Sakura sighed but went back to her history book. Lots of people found her reading stuff like this strange and abnormal but Itachi-Aniki had said that it just showed that she had an inquisitive mind.

She liked Aniki and Nii-san. She just wished they were her real brothers.

Over at Yukika's side the mother was in deep conversation with her old friend.

"—but it only works in a curse-sealed body, otherwise it'll break down the body in a rapid chain reaction, causing it to implode, leaving a rather large mess behind and a 73% chance of you dying." The white haired woman finished, taking a sip of her tea.

"Hmm. I see. That would be an inconvenience." Her companion stated, gently petting the snake.

"Well that's about all I can tell you about it, Orochimaru. I recommend you test it out before trying it yourself."

Orochimaru nodded in agreement as he took a sip from his own tea, mentally smirking as the waitress ducked out of sight when he looked in her direction. Yukika always loved meeting in these kinds of places, the kind of places no sane man who wanted to look straight would enter.

Fortunately he didn't give a damn about how people saw him. One tends to become immune to such things when you had Jiraiya spreading rumors for years about your sexuality. Though it did irk him when the idiot started spreading rumors of him being a pedophile, because that was completely untrue!

He didn't like little kids like that; he just wanted their bodies.

Speaking of kids…

"Yukika, why exactly did you bring this little girl?" Orochimaru asked focusing on the pink haired child (seriously, PINK?) who was reading to his surprise a very thick history book. Perhaps Yukika had a student?

Orochimaru suppressed a laugh. Yukika, a mentor? What a funny thought.

Almost as funny as the fact he and Sasori both nailed the woman in front of him and lived to tell the tale (that was not something he ever wanted to know about his partner).

"Because I could. I wasn't about to leave her in Konoha."

"Hmm, I recall Sasori mentioning you having a small child tagging along with you, but I had thought he was just joking."

"Obviously not."

"Yes. Such a pretty little girl."

Yukika gave him a pointed stare. "Keep away from my daughter."

Had he been a lesser man he would have spewed his tea. Instead he gave an incredulous look before looking the girl over.

He could see the resemblance; both had soft peach skin, green eyes, same nose and love of learning (if the book was anything to go by).

But really; Yukika, a mother? Now _THAT_ was scary.

_Dear gods, that poor child._ Orochimaru thought, feeling a slight pang of sympathy for the child.

Yukika smiled at the surprised look on her dear friend's face. It was almost as funny as when Sasori nearly had a heart attack from the news.

"I admit that the idea of you being a mother is…strange."

Taking another sip Yukika spoke. "Yes well, my sweet daughter had come as a shock. I really hadn't intended to have a child but you know what they say; Life is full of surprises."

"Does she have your-"

"She has her grandfather's temper, her father's intelligence and many of my finer qualities. Whether other…physical qualities show only time will tell." _Or if my seal breaks_.

Orochimaru looked disappointed. Orochimaru was the last person she wanted to know about her daughter (though the Mizukage was a close second).

If Sakura ever developed those abilities he'd probably try something. If he ever found out about whom Sakura's father was she was damn sure he _would_ pull something.

Sakura looked up once more looking at her mother. "Will we be going back to Konoha soon?"

"After I'm done talking dear."

Smiling brightly the girl returned to her reading, missing the questioning look from Orochimaru.

"Who's the father?" which was Orochimaru's way of saying 'who the hell was suicidal enough to knock you up?'

"My surname is now Haruno." Yukika simply said.

"Oh." He said insipidly as though that explained it, which it did. He knew all too well the lady in front of him had been married (at least) nine times. Every time she had been widowed because they all died in horrific 'accidents' or in the line of duty.

Orochimaru soon resumed ignoring the child. She wasn't of significance.

Yukika smiled, drank her tea and began talking once more about immortality, the work they had done together and the good ole days when they could kidnap entire families and experiment on them before they died from whatever they were injected with.

She missed these pleasant conversations.

* * *

Naruto watched on, worry bubbling within.

It had been five days since the school fire incident and Naruto had finally awoken the previous night, perfectly healthy with no scars and as far as Deidara could discern with no ill side effects physically or mentally.

But right now Naruto didn't give a flying hoot about himself. No, right now he was very worried about Deidara.

Ever since he awoke, Deidara had been going in between looking him over like some kind of mother hen and hiding in the bathroom.

But what really worried the whiskered faced child was how his brother looked.

Deidara looked like an extremely pale insomniac suffering from the worst case of stomach flu the younger boy had ever witnessed.

Walking timidly up to the bathroom door, Naruto could hear the strained and pained groans coming from the other side.

Meekly Naruto knocked on the door, hoping to get something other then Deidara's blatant refusal to talk.

"…yes?" came a hoarse voice from the other side.

"Nii-san, can I help you in any way? Yeah?" Naruto asked quickly.

"…just be patient and go read one of the medic scrolls or something. Blegh!"

Naruto winced at the sound of his brother vomiting. Again.

"Oh. Okay." The little boy said quietly before digging one up from the mount of books Deidara had gotten over the month.

_The Iryō-nin Novice Tome,_or as Deidara wrote _How to be a Medic-nin for Dummies_.

_Nii-san will be fine. He can survive anything,_ Naruto thought before going over Deidara's heavily edited medic scroll.

Meanwhile in the bathroom Deidara was wishing he was either dead or comatosed.

The older blonde panted rapidly, waiting out the pain and hoping the Novocain he stole from the dentist supply kicked in soon.

After a moment of gripping the bathroom sink like a lifeline the blonde boy sighed in relief as he felt the drugs numbing effects. Looking up the boy caught his refection.

Sickly pale flesh, a fresh layer of sweat, throbbing pain, dizziness, blood-shot eyes, a fever that never left, and pain he could only temporary dilute before coming back with vengeance.

Deidara looked in his honest opinion like hell ran him over and over and over.

_I'm an idiot,_ he thought miserably as he got a clean bandage on. He had no one but himself to blame for the condition he was in now, he knew this.

When Naruto hadn't awaken after day two Deidara had not only worried himself into a tizzy but had neglected his own health. The most he had done was change the bandages and shoot morphine and Novocain into his body to get rid of the pain, other then that he forgo any other treatment in favor of saving Naruto.

Deidara swore his heart had stopped the same time Naruto's breathing did and didn't restart till he felt Naruto's breath.

But once more Naruto's regenerative abilities came through. Now Deidara was suffering the consequences of ignoring his own health.

_Yukika should be back today,_ he thought as he rinsed out the bile taste out of his mouth.

_Hopefully we didn't screw up too badly,_ one of the voices said, sounding pained.

Pulling a shirt over his head along with a hoari and sash, Deidara heard the hesitant knock on the door.

"Nii-san? Can we go shopping? We're out of food, besides ramen yeah."

Deidara groaned as he buried his head in his hands, not even noticing that one hand was nibbling on his eyebrow as the other drooling on his forehead.

He had planned before the fire incident to go shopping with Naruto. With the exception of making sure Naruto ate during his coma like state, he had completely forgot about food because he hadn't been able to stomach much in the past five days.

"After we visit Yukika, okay un?"

"…okay."

_Why do I feel this day is going to end very badly? Un?_

Sighing Deidara reached for the door knob. Or at least he tried to.

_What the hell?_ He thought, looking at his right arm. It wouldn't move. He couldn't feel it at all! Testing his other arm he was relieved to see that it was working but frowned at the fact he was losing feeling in it as well and both of his hand-mouths were just open, not moving as though it had been paralyzed.

"Naruto we gotta go."

* * *

Yukika registered herself and Sakura at the gateway. Looking around she was half surprise to see the village still standing.

After having saved a small town from an epidemic she felt great! Seeing dear Orochimaru had brightened her day incredibly! Not to mention she had spent two weeks with her beloved Sakura.

Smiling at the guards Yukika turned and froze upon what she saw.

Tora the cat had crossed her path, being chased down by homicidal genins.

Now normally Yukika wasn't a superstitious person but everybody knew that cat was bad news.

Something bad was going to happen. She just knew it.

She wondered if she should unleash a new disease on a near by settlement so that she could go visit it in the name of the greater good?

* * *

Naruto grumbled as he speeded up to keep up with his brother. He hadn't eaten in five days (well, Nii-san had fed him while he was out but still)!

Sure he knew his brother was sick, but he just woke up from a near death by evisceration-induced coma!

Naruto grumbled but followed after Deidara anyway. He'd just have to pester Deidara into going to Ichiraku Raman Bar later.

Still, the younger blonde felt that something was wrong. Really, really wrong.

Deidara was walking funny, as though he was having trouble controlling his own movements. And his right just hung there, limp.

And was it his imagination or was that blood seeping through his hoari?

"Nii-san, are you hurt?"

"…un. It's a flesh wound."

"You're not moving right. Do you want to rest?"

"No, I'm fine."

Naruto nodded but watched Deidara anyway. Deidara eyes didn't look much focused and he was breathing harder then before. In fact he looked ready to collapse.

_Don't be silly!_ Naruto chided himself. _Nii-san not going to fall over—_

-THUMP-

Naruto stood frozen in his steps, looking at where Deidara had fallen over.

Snapping out of his surprise Naruto was by Deidara's side in an instant.

"Nii-san? Nii-san! Nii-san, answer me!" Naruto called.

Deidara ragged breathing and feverish warmth was all the indication he got of just how bad Deidara was.

"Nii-san! Get up! We need to go to Yukika-oba-san! You have to get up!"

But Deidara just laid there, eyes blinking sluggishly as his breathing slowly but surely got worse.

_Whatamigonnado?_ Naruto freaked. Deidara was in need of medic treatment! He had to get help! But he couldn't leave Nii-san!

_If I stay he'll get worse but if I leave he could get mugged or worse!_

Breathing deeply Naruto dragged Deidara into an alley, hiding him from sight.

_I got no chose. I havta find help!_Making sure Deidara was hidden well enough the younger boy promised to be back soon with help.

With that Naruto began to run, fearing the dull look in Deidara's eyes.

_Don't die, don't die!_

* * *

_This is not good,_ Deidara thought. He was half way to Yukika's but he was rapidly loosing feeling in his body as well as control.

Walking was becoming more and more difficult. If he could use his arms he'd make a clay bird to get there faster. If it wasn't numb it hurt like his back.

_I'm such an idiot! Really, a frickin' red hot pipe fell on my unprotected back! My nerve system was probably hit, and kami only knows how my spine is doing!_He thought angrily. Naruto followed quietly.

_Come on, almost there._ He urged his body on, disgusted at his weakened state.

"Nii-san, are you hurt?"

_I feel like I'm in a torture session._ "…un. It's a flesh wound."

"You're not moving right. Do you want to rest?"

_If I rest now, I won't get back up._ "No, I'm fine."

_Even my damn vision is getting blurry._Deidara as the world began to spin.

_Oh shi—_

-THUMP-

"Nii-san? Nii-san! Nii-san, answer me!" Naruto called. He could _see_ Naruto shaking him but to his horror he couldn't feel Naruto shaking him.

_I can't move or feeling anything!_

"Nii-san! Get up! We need to go to Yukika-oba-san! You have to get up!" Naruto's panicked voice sounded out.

But Deidara couldn't move. Right now he was just happy he could still blink. He was vaguely aware that Naruto was dragging him. He knew this because the scenery was changing. Soon he was in what looked like an alley but since he couldn't even move his neck he wasn't entirely sure.

Naruto laid him down, hiding him behind an old sofa.

"I'll go get help. Just stay calm, um be safe yeah?" Naruto said, panic creeping into his voice.

After making sure he was safe Naruto shot out of the allay like the demons of hell was chasing him.

Deidara started to freak out some as he felt all the pain disappear, leaving nothing in its place. Nothing at all.

He was numb.

_Hurry back…otouto…_

* * *

Inuzuka Tsume prided herself on being able to track dang near anyone with that nose of hers. So when she couldn't find the Uzumaki brother's after nearly two days she grew very concerned.

After she had visited the Uchiha boys, Kumiko, Shisui, Hana, Ino, herself and Kiba had gone to check on them and since only Kiba and Ino had ever visited their home they hadn't been prepared for what awaited them.

Now Tsume had known the boys lived in an apartment in the slums area. She just didn't realize the shape of the Uzumaki's apartment was in.

Upon getting there she found that the door was hanging on one hinged with words written on it that made Kumiko immediately cover Ino's eyes. Inside was just as bad; the floor had missing boards and was warped, the ceiling looked ready to collapsed from rot, paint was chipped as posters poorly hid the fist size potholes in the walls as well as nasty words and pictures no moralist person let alone children should ever see and every piece of furniture looked as though it had came straight from a dumpster or from a curb.

Tsume, Hana and Kiba had cried and nearly passed out from the over whelming scent of chemicals that permeated the air in the apartment.

Yet despite all this it looked as though people still tried to live here if the semi-tidiness around the place was any indication.

Kumiko, Hana and Tsume all breathed a sigh of relief when Kiba and Ino told them that Deidara always had them sleeping out in the hallways, said that it was roomier then the apartment.

When confronting the apartment manager, Tsume snarled when he said that as long as he got the rent they could get left for dead for all he cared.

After getting similar reaction from the few neighbors had Shisui had excused himself, saying that he had to get the Uzumaki's a good lawyer so that they could press charges.

Tsume then went about looking for the boys. The apartment was too noxious and the hallway had their scent all over it as well as the children that Deidara babysat.

What alarmed her most was the blood on the walls and carpet. On the walls it looked as though someone had just spilt a drink as well as sprinkled some here and there, right up till she saw the bloody and very odd hand print; she swore it had a grinning mouth in the center.

After getting many samples she had asked a friend to analyze and match the blood.

She became downright scared when the test matched to people who had suffered severe mental breakdowns or had tags on their toes from the past month.

_Just what the hell is going on?_ Tsume thought as she marched off to see some friends. She had a luncheon with her old teammates Hiashi and Shibi.

The more she dug into the Uzumaki's past the more she found herself getting freaked out. Naruto, despite his demon status was more human then a lot of people she knew and though she admitted this begrudgingly she had developed a liking for the demon brat, if only a little.

When she dug some information up on him she was surprised to find that he had only gone to the hospital once and that was on his birthday. When asking around she got similar stories of how he was a demon until she got to the market place.

Turns out the seller's at the market were more terrified of Deidara then Naruto. The effeminate boy had apparently hospitalized quite a number of them when they tried to harm or over charge Naruto but those who had witnessed him do this swore he looked possessed, like a malignant madness took hold of him.

In fact Deidara was a very strange puzzle; despite his annoying, sarcastic and over all sardonic attitude the boy proved intelligent if not short tempered. He had his moments of stupidity like everyone else but he always took advantaged of a situation if he could get a toe hold on it.

But that boy…she couldn't place it but there was just something off about him.

Shaking her head Tsume resumed her walk. She needed a break.

"Tsume-san, you'll walk into a wall if you're not careful." Drawled a voice she knew all too well.

Tsume grinned at her old friend's, glad to be seeing them.

"Hello Tsume-san." Hiashi greeted stoically, but had a small smile.

"Tsume-san, are you well? You look…haggard." Shibi monotoned.

Tsume grimaced but let it pass; Shibi was well known for his bluntness. Flopping herself into her seat, Tsume sighed deeply, Kuromaru lying by her feet.

"I've been trying to find my employee but so far I've had no luck."

"You mean the Uzumaki?"

"Yup! That's the one. I've been looking for two days."

Both clan heads looked surprised at this (well Hiashi's eyes widen as Shibi raised a eyebrow). Tsume was one of the best hunter-nin's out there!

"He's probably fine though because he didn't show up at the hospital."

Hiashi frowned. "I very much doubt that."

Shibi and Tsume looked at the Hyuuga, silently telling him to explain.

"I saw what had happened, even if I couldn't make out how they escaped. He should have gone straight to the hospital because suffered the same amount of damage as the Uchiha heir. And from my daughter's account the younger Uzumaki should have been taken to the ER."

"Then where are they?" Shibi monotoned.

"Hell if I should know!" Tsume growled running her hand through her hair irritably.

Before Hiashi could retort though Kuromaru jumped up, sniffing the air. After a moment he turned to his partner.

"I got a scent. The younger Uzumaki is heading this way." Kuromaru growled out.

"What?"

Before Tsume could question further Naruto came into view, running like the whole world depended on it.

"Naruto!" Tsume yelled out, relieved and surprised to finally see him.

The boy stopped momentarily before running off again but got stopped by the faster woman.

"Naruto! Where have you been?"

_Well he sure doesn't look like he's in need of immediate medical attention._ She mused as he struggled.

"Let go! I gotta get Yukika! Nii-san's sick! He needs her!"

Remembering Hiashi's earlier words she turned to Kuromaru. "Find Deidara. He can't be far."

* * *

When Hiashi heard about the Uzumaki's he always thought 'prankers'. That was until he watched the older one recklessly run into a burning building to save his brother.

Now he knew that, the older one at least, was mental.

But as he watched the younger one try to get out of Tsume's grip by biting her arm so that he could get a doctor for his brother, he couldn't help but approve of the brothers relationship.

Shibi squatted in front of the blonde child, making the boy stop. After staring at each Shibi spoke.

"We need to find your brother. If he's as ill as you say then he may need our help. Please take us to him so that we can take him to a doctor."

"How do I know you won't try to hurt him?"

_He's more protective then I thought._ Hiashi noted.

"You have my honor as an Aburame and a shinobi."

"No good! I can't tell if you're being honest! Yeah!"

_In the boy's defense, Shibi is hard to read even for me._ Hiashi thought, deciding to speak. The boy wanted some kind of reassurance and though it would be easier to wait for Kuromaru to return Hiashi felt that he owed the older Uzumaki for saving his daughter.

The clan may see her as a failure thus forcing him to acted accordingly but he still loved her.

"You met Hinata right?"

"Hinata-chan? You know her? Is she okay?"

"She's my daughter. Your brother saved her. I wish to repay him but that will prove hard if you don't let me. Please tell us where he is."

The boy looked hesitant but reluctantly nodded before talking again.

"Don't take him to a doctor! They'll make it worse! Go to Yukika-oba-san! She's closer anyways! Yeah!"

"Very well." Shibi agreed.

Tsume let Naruto go now that she was sure he wasn't going to run off.

"This way!"

The three adults kept up easily with the boy and were soon at an alley where Kuromaru stood by.

"That kids a mess!" the wolf said looking disturbed. "He smells of old blood and has an infection!"

Going in the trio found Deidara. The boy didn't move with the exception of his eyes.

"Nii-san! We'll get you to Yukika-oba-san, don't worry!"

Hiashi activated his Byakugan to see if any bones were broken before they moved. What he saw nearly made him swallow his own tongue.

* * *

Yukika looked like she was going to kill something but let them in anyways.

Damasu, who was home had the good sense not to cause a scene in front of three clan heads by staying out of the way.

Placing Deidara on the kitchen table Yukika had the boy on his stomach as she took the hoari off and cutting away the shirt and bandages.

There was a collective gasp at the state the boy's back was in.

A long burn mark stretched across his back, an ugly rainbow of red, blue, green and yellow with dead skin that smelled of decay and heavily infected areas.

Yukika's hand glowed mint green as she 'looked' inside. As she did this she demanded to know what had happened.

Naruto gave a shaky account of the school fire, getting filled in by Hiashi who thanks to his Byakugan had seen more then any present.

Yukika was grim faced when she finally pulled back.

"He has hair l-lined fractures acr-cross his ribs and s-spine. He has really messed up his s-spinal cord, d-damaging the gray matter in the central part of the cord, causing s-segmental l-losses of interneurons and motorneurons. The l-lesion is causing him to l-lose partial or total function of all four limbs. On top of that his b-brain d-doesn't appear to be getting any s-signals."

"What?" Naruto said.

"Your b-brother n-nearly b-broke his b-back b-but messed up his s-spinal cord i-instead."

Yukika looked up for a moment but saw Hiashi looking at her, Byakugan activated. The look on his face told her he knew Deidara's secret.

The man gave her a look that said that a conversation in the near future was in order.

_Deidara you are one unlucky bastard._

Yukika told Naruto to go play with Sakura, not wanting the kid to see anymore of this. He refused, saying he was staying by his brother. _No blood is shared between them yet Naruto loves Deidara unquestionably._ Yukika mused. After telling Naruto that she needed him out so that she could properly heal Deidara but would tell him if anything changes Naruto reluctantly left, easily ignoring Damasu's hateful glare.

Then Tsume sighed, rubbing her eyes.

"That moron! Why didn't he go see a doctor?"

Yukika didn't look up when she spoke. "Tell me, Inuzuka-san. Who is Deidara's younger brother?"

"Naruto." Tsume answered in a 'duh' tone.

"And what does Naruto carry within him?"

"The nine tails."

"Now tell me. How do most people respond to Naruto?"

"…with hatred and or fear."

"Good. I don't think I need to tell you how often they need medical treatment because of this. Now how often do you think they walk into a hospital and receive treatment?"

Yukika didn't wait for an answer. "The answer is never. The first few times Deidara had taken Naruto to the hospital they threw them out, telling them to go find a hole and die in it. Don't believe me? I have their records. Every one out of three attacks on Naruto is life threatening. Deidara has a number of scars on him because he often runs interference. Deidara normally takes care of any injury they sustain but if it's too out of his league they normally come to me. Deidara doesn't trust any other medic. In fact he doesn't have a choice; it's either me or risk someone who might possibly want Naruto dead."

Yukika turned her gaze on Tsume, eyes frigid with an unnerving nothingness.

Tsume felt as though the woman could see her soul and all her sins. It was frightening.

"…What we do…in life…be they good or bad, right, wrong, altruistic or selfish…echoes without end…and though may not be noticeable to us now…effects those around us."

"W-what?"

"…if I need to explain it, then it defeats the purpose of the message." Yukika replied before focusing back to the task at hand. After several painful minutes Yukika turned to Shibi and her husband.

"Th-this is too intense. He n-needs to get to the h-hospital for emergency s-surgery. Now."

* * *

Please review!

PD

.


	21. There is no calm in this Storm

**My Wish Order Brother**

Author: PiperDreamer

Rating: Rated: M

Genre: General, AU

edited: 04/19/12

* * *

**Chapter 21: There is no Calm in this Storm**

* * *

Yukika was angry. No, scratch that.

She was livid.

Deidara was a walking disaster magnet! Not only did he cause pandemonium on his best days, he seemed incapable of keeping himself out of physical danger!

_He the sort of person to loose both of his arms because he was stupid enough to attacked a demon container._ She seethed as she marched into the hospital with the three clan heads, her idiot of a husband, her daughter, the jinchuriki and the incarcerated Jibaku not far behind.

How could she be so foolish? By making herself the boys' only medic, it entitled her to knowing everything about their physical health. As luck would have it there was a law stating that if an orphan with unknown heritage developed a Kekkei genkai it was to be reported immediately. This law was made after the Kyuubi's attack when many of the immigrant's records were destroyed.

Meaning unless she had a viable reason, she was in violation of the law.

**_What are we going to do? Hyuuga is aware we're involved somehow and he will inform the Hokage_.** Her inner voice said.

Yukika mind, momentarily, split into two. Inner focused on Deidara's condition as the Yukika plotted out various scenario's, conjuring up ideas and plots in order to salvage this.

Upon reaching the hospital Yukika was met by doctors who she immediately began to yell out orders as though she ran the place, surprising many who knew her as a quiet meek woman.

As she had Deidara hauled to the ER, she took Hiashi to the side.

"H-Hyuuga-sama, p-please get H-Hokage-sama and in-inform him of Deidara's…conditions."

The white-haired lady refused to look the intimidating man in his eyes who was giving her an intense look.

"When did his Kekkei genkai developed?"

"It d-developed just p-prior t-to my mission. H-he w-was frightened by this freakish d-development on his p-person and begged me not to tell the H-Hokage until I returned. I apologize for not g-going in immediately, but he was frightened that the H-Hokage w-would lock him up for the unusual physical manifestation of his K-Kekkei g-genkai."

Hiashi nodded, accepting her answer. "I shall return shortly with the Hokage."

"P-please h-hurry. I do not b-believe the b-boy will l-live through this."

Hiashi nodded once more before disappearing in a puff of smoke. Yukika checked her surroundings before stepping into an empty room with a window.

A prick on the finger and a series of hand signs later, Yukika slammed her hand down onto the counter. Smoke filled the air momentarily before clearing, revealing two finches.

"Yukika? We haven't seen you in like, six years!"

"We were convinced you were imprisoned after that whole Orochimaru fiasco and died during the Kyuubi's invasion!"

"Hello Chu and Yui. I apologies for not contacting anyone in the flock but I've been…detained. I have task for you two." She said politely as she hastily wrote something down on a piece of paper.

"Of course! What will you have us do?"

Yukika smiled amiably at the birds as she handed them the papers.

"Please take this to Hyuuga Ko. And this one goes to Aburame Shikuro. They owe me…favors."

The birds chirped before flying out the window in separate directions.

Yukika sighed, readying herself for the next note she wrote. Making it short and to the point, Yukika once more went through several hand signs before slamming it down.

"What the devils do you think yer doing' summoning me here? This is a hospital!" a squeaky voice sounded off as the smoke cleared. A large rat glared up at her, the Kiri symbol barely visible on its torso.

"I need you to give this message to the Warhawk." She spoke, eyes darkening.

"You still dealin' wit him? You already gave 'im Kiri's training regiments, wot more could the old dog want?"

"Just deliver." She said coldly.

"Ohhhh, yer got dat look in yer eyes. Somebody's gonna die." The rat practically sang maniacally before taking off to deliver the message.

Yukika left the room quickly, making her way over to where the clean garments were so that she could scrub up for Deidara's operation, a plan in motion.

With this plan she would save herself and Deidara…or Deidara would be her scapegoat to freedom.

After all, Danzo loved recruiting special people…

* * *

Sarutobi was surprise when Hiashi came through the door. The Hyuuga lord only came during a crisis or meetings.

"Hyuuga-san, to what do I owe the pleasure?"

Sarutobi noted the stressed and somewhat sadden look on the Hyuuga's face and knew the news wasn't going to be good.

"I've come in regards to the Uzumaki brothers."

Sarutobi's sat up straighter. He hadn't seen Naruto since the school fire and he saw Deidara the day after, telling him that Naruto was safe and that he wasn't going to be in because of a nasty stomach flu he caught and Taro (who was a mysophobic) had the boy practically rushed out the building after hearing that.

He would have visited but thanks to the past two months he had been drowning in paperwork, bombings, death tolls, economic crisis and now the school being destroyed and the orphans being placed in the Inuzuka and Aburame clan's compound till further notice.

With all this happening he didn't have time or resources to investigate the gruesome murder of the fire starter Hiroshi.

Seeing he had the village leader's attention, Hiashi continued.

"Earlier this morning while I was out having breakfast with my old teammates, we came across the younger of the Uzumaki's who was running to find help."

"Was he hurt?"

"No."

Sarutobi release a relieved sigh. His relief was short lived at Hiashi's next sentence.

"He was getting help for his brother. We went to investigate and found the boy in an alley, in critical condition."

"Was he beaten up?"

"No. he had sustained immense damage when he and the Uchiha heir had recklessly gone on that fire rescue."

"If he had been injured, why didn't he go get treated?"

"From what the boys' normal medic, Haruno Yukika has told me, they had very bad experiences with doctors and medics in general."

Sarutobi looked grim. After the attempt-poisoning when Naruto was four, Sarutobi had pretty much made it clear that any medic or physician that tried to off the blonde boy was to be immediately executed on the spot.

Ironically Sarutobi thanked the Nine Tails for its quick regeneration ability and near immunity to all poisons; otherwise Naruto would have never made it past his second birthday.

Deidara on the other hand had no such ace up his sleeve, and being orphaned early and having gone through hell before meeting Naruto, the boy did not hold most people in high regards.

"How bad is he?"

"Haruno-san said she does not think he'll make it. But Haruno-san had asked me to tell you something else of equal importance."

"What could compare to loosing Deidara?" Sarutobi asked, feeling sorrow at the boys' fate. Naruto was going to be crushed! The poor boy was going to need comfort in the near future if Haruno was correct.

"Uzumaki Deidara has a Kekkei genkai."

"…what?" Sarutobi said blankly, not sure he heard right.

"Just before Haruno-san went on her mission, Uzumaki-san developed a Kekkei genkai. Fearing you would throw him into prison he requested Haruno-san to help him tell you after she returned from her mission."

Deidara has a Kekkei genkai?

_Well, it's possible._ Sarutobi reasoned. _We have none of his original papers, and both of his parents were killed during the Kyuubi's attack when he was just four. For all we know, his parents were refugees from Mist. But that doesn't explain something._

"Why was he afraid I'd send him to prison?" _He's done the paperwork. He knows the laws. Why would he fear this?_

"I believe it had something to do with the clan his Kekkei genkai belongs to."

"What clan is that?"

Hiashi looked solemn. "Jibaku of Iwagakure."

Sarutobi nearly choked. "Jibaku?"

Any thing else Hiashi was going to say was drowned out by the Tower shaking, an ear-splitting explosion resounded through the air as the Census Office next to them blew up.

* * *

Naruto sat in the waiting room, fidgeting every few minutes as he look towards the door then back at his lap. Concern and anxiety was eating away at him as unspoken fear was kept at bay only by the hope that things weren't as bad as they looked.

But the longer he sat here the more hope faded away and doubt took hold.

Sakura sat next to him, a hand on his shoulder for comfort.

Would Deidara be alright? Were things really as bad as they seemed? What if he never saw Deidara-nii-san ever again? What if…?

"…Your brother is strong headed and has a sturdy soul. He won't leave you if he can help it."

Naruto jumped at the sudden voice. After a moment he realized that it had been the Aburame. Aburame sat across from him along with Tsume and Damasu, seeing how Hiashi had gone to get the old man.

Hearing someone reassure him made some of the fear and anxieties go down.

"Really?"

"Yes. You may not be able to see your brother, but why don't visit the Uchiha's? They get out today, but I'm sure they'd be happy to see you."

Naruto blinked. He had honestly forgotten about them.

"I'll take you." Tsume said, standing up. Naruto instantly scooted away from the Inuzuka matron, giving her a suspicious look, Sakura looking between the two in worry.

Tsume winced at the boys' reaction to her gesture. She wasn't really that scary was she?

"But what if-" Naruto started but got cut off by Aburame.

"If anything happens, you'll be the first person I'll tell." He said curtly, a couple of insects buzzed over to the boy, resting on his shoulder.

Naruto gave a hesitant nod, before he and Sakura followed after Tsume.

Tsume watched the boy out of the corner of her eye.

He walked several feet away from her and slightly behind, keeping out of arm reach as he watched both her and his surroundings with Sakura on the farthest side of him, away from her. He looked ready to run if she so much as sneezed in the wrong direction, giving her the same look enemies on missions normally did. It was not as complimentary as it usually was.

Naruto, having remembered Hiroshi was keen on not getting harmed again. Tsume already proved (by both her actions and verbally) that she hated him and so he wasn't taking any chances; if she so much as jerk in his direction he was bolting.

Aburame he felt he could trust; those guys in huge coats and shades had always been neutral towards him.

Suddenly a tremor was felt through the ground, an explosion echoing loudly.

"Oh for the love of-!" Tsume snarled, angry at hearing another explosion.

Naruto however (having grown accustom to art-induced earthquakes and explosions) mistook her snarl as anger directed at him and did the most sensible thing he could think of; run.

Tsume watched as the boy suddenly took off, dragging the pinkette with him and only looking back long enough to see if she was following.

"Hey!" Tsume yelled. What the heck?

Naruto and Sakura ran down the hall and ducked into the first safe looking room they saw. Quickly they shut the door of room B9, leaning against it.

"Oh!"

The two jumped, quickly turning around to find they weren't alone. A relieved smile found its way onto Naruto's face as he recognized the person who had gasped.

"Hinata-chan!"

The young heiress blushed. She hadn't been expecting anyone to visit except her uncle, but that was because he was supposed to pick her up soon.

Naruto crossed the room, sitting on the end on the pearl eyed girl's bed. Sakura followed at a slower pace, not really sure what to do seeing that she was in the presence of a stranger.

"N-Naruto-kun, w-what are y-you d-doing h-here?" the girl said shyly, overjoyed to see him well. He had been a complete mess when she and the Uchiha boy ran in to save him.

When she came to she was informed that she was in the hospital. After telling what had transpired at the school she had relentlessly asked if Naruto had been alright but getting no answer. This made her fear the worse.

It made her feel so much better knowing he was safe and healthy.

_The medic-s must have done an excellent job healing him,_ she thought. In fact, had she not personally witnessed what the cruel teacher had done, she would have never guessed Naruto had been injured.

"My brother's having surgery." Naruto said, looking saddened.

Hinata's eyes widen, vaguely remembering the blonde that had held Naruto safe. "I-is h-he o-okay?"

"…I don't know."

Seeing Naruto looking so uncertain Sakura tried to take his mind off of Deidara.

"Hello. I'm Haruno Sakura. You friends with Naruto too?"

Picking up on what Sakura was doing, Hinata was quick to reply. "Hy-yuuga H-Hinata. Y-yes, w-we m-met r-right before the s-school f-fire."

Sakura smiled at the pale girl, being somewhat reminded of her mother.

"Pleasure to meet you Hyuuga-san. How did you and Naruto met?"

As the girls tried to bait him into conversation Naruto took in Hinata's appearance, wincing at what he saw. From the neck down she was wrapped, a bandage covering part of her head.

_She got those trying to help me,_ Naruto thought, feeling guilty. Remembering what Hana-nee-chan had said during a decorum lesson Aniki insisted the kids learn, Naruto bowed. Hinata and Sakura's eyes widen at the blonde boy.

"I'm sorry. I never wanted you to get hurt." He said with the utmost sincerity. Hinata was shocked; nobody ever apologies to her! Feeling happy, Hinata smiled. "Th-there's n-nothing t-to f-forgive; I-I w-wanted t-to h-help y-you, re-regardless o-of m-my s-safety."

"But you could've died!" Naruto said, raising his head. Once upon a time not to long ago, Naruto rarely thought about other people's welfare. If they got caught in his pranks, sucks to be them. But then he got a brother, and started having friends. Having people you care about changes one perspective of outcomes. But this wasn't a prank; Hinata and Sasuke both nearly got killed trying to protect him!

Nrauto narrowed his eyes. Hinata eeped in surprise when Naruto took both of her hands in his own, a determined look in his eyes.

"As long as I live I'll be your protector! The only reason I'll break this promise is if my brother's dying! Yeah!" Naruto vowed.

A deep blush spread across Hinata's face. That had to be the sweetest thing anybody had ever said to her.

Sakura smiled at the sight. _Awww! That's so sweet!_

The door flew open, startling the children. Tsume stood by it, a glare on her face.

"Naruto! Sakura! Don't go running off like that!"

"We were just visiting Hinata-chan, yeah." The blonde pouted, though his eyes clearly stated he didn't trust the older woman. This made Hinata instantly on guard, seeing how the last adult she saw with Naruto had nearly killed him.

"Come on! The Uchiha's are in B3." The woman sighed.

Naruto looked back at Hinata. What if crazy squirrel attacked her while he was away? Or a rabid mongoose? No, he couldn't just leave her here all alone.

Without warning he threw back the covers, picking up Hinata bridal style. She was tiny and very light, so no sweat. The young girl turned bright red as Sakura looked on in surprise.

"Naruto, what are you doing?" Tsume asked, looking ready to place the girl back in bed.

"Hinata-chan will be all alone! I can't just leave her!"

Tsume blinked, somewhat surprised. He just wanted her to hang out with the others? Before she could even object, Naruto was already out the door and down the hall with Sakura close behind.

"You coming, old lady?" Naruto's voice sounded off.

_Okay, why was I so concern over the Uzumaki's? They are all obnoxious and completely disrespectful!_ Tsume thought angry, following after the trio.

* * *

"Naruto-baka! Your okay!" Sasuke said as he rushed the blonde, hugging so tightly that he nearly made Naruto drop Hinata. Looking at the others who had entered Sasuke smiled brighter.

"Sakura-kun! Kiba's mom! That-girl-from-before! Hi!" Sasuke gushed as soon as they walked in.

"Sasuke, don't push yourself." Itachi chided, leaning on a pair of crutches that he absolutely despised.

In the room were the Inuzuka siblings, Itachi, Tenten, Lee, Kumiko and Ino along with Shisui.

"No more people! We're crowded enough-" Shisui started but got cut off by Sasuke.

"Chair. Snake-lady. Barbeque sauce. Cork screw." The young boy deadpanned, causing most of the people in the room stare him strangely.

"-but I do I know? The more the merrier!" Shisui said with a nervous laugh. _I'm gonna get you, you rotten little blackmailing turd…_

"Yay!" Sasuke squealed happily as he jumped up but then quickly groaned in pain, doubling over.

"Sasuke, I told you not to push yourself." Itachi said, looking his brother over though he shot Shisui a questioning glance to which the older teen stubbornly refused to meet.

Itachi turned to the youngest Uzumaki. Had he not seen what he looked like during the school fire, he would have never believed Naruto had been so close to dying. It was unbelievable.

As Naruto placed Hinata on the bed, Kumoko's mind was running rampage. _Ah-ha! So the brothers both have an heiress eh? I can just see it now; the princess of Hyuuga and the jinchuriki! The Inuzuka successor and the charismatic pariah! Destined from the start! Soul mates! Ho ho ho ho ho!_

"Naruto-chan, I'm glad you're safe! But where's Dei-kun?" Hana asked.

The atmosphere in the room suddenly turned ominous at the sight of Naruto.

"He's…He's in the ER." Naruto murmured.

"What?"

Seeing how dejected the boy looked, Tsume stood forward. "His wounds from the school fire never healed. Deidara was found in an alley, looking pretty messed up."

"Bu-but why didn't they go to the hospital then?" Kumiko asked, flustered. Surely even Deidara wasn't that careless?

"Nii-san was watching over me. Said I was badly hurt. I was unconscious for nearly four days, so I have no reason not to believe him." Naruto said quietly, refusing to meet anybodies eye.

"But why didn't he take you to the doctors then?"

"Because the doctors said they don't serve freaks like us." This was barely said above a whisper, but the majority of the room caught nonetheless.

The temperature dropped spectacularly, as everyone chunin and above had to keep there KI in check. Hana on the other hand made the children shiver at the ferocious snarl she gave.

"Looks like the hospitals in need of another overhaul." A familiar yet unnaturally murderous voice spoke out, causing everyone to look at the door entrance.

There stood the Third Hokage, his eyes had become very cold. Hiashi stood not far behind, eyeing his leader carefully.

"Old Man!" Naruto said half-heartedly, trying to look happy. The vindictive Hokage disappeared, reverted back to the kindly grandfatherly person everyone knew and loved.

"Hello, Naruto, I'm glad to see your fine."

"Sir, that blast just a little while ago…" Itachi started. Sarutobi nodded, confirming that they had just undergone another terrorist attack.

"The Census Office was destroyed. We have wounded pouring in when I got here." The elder man said gruffly.

"That's not good. The hospital is already under stocked!" Shisui, who was a novice medic-nin who often took shifts for experience (which was in no shortage since the terrorist attacks started), exclaimed.

"Shisui-kun, you better report in; they need every able body they can get." Sarutobi replied. Nodding quickly, Shisui left to help out.

"Hinata, what are you doing here?" Hiashi said, looking somewhat surprised to see her.

"She was lonely so I took with us, yeah." Naruto replied quickly.

"Naruto-kun, you shouldn't have-" Itachi started by got cut off by Sasuke.

"You. Deidara. Caught in the act."

"…Hyuuga-sama, please allow your daughter to come along. The boy who had saved her could use moral support." Itachi deadpanned as he shot his brother a withering stare.

Hana chortled, knowing what Sasuke was referring to as 'caught in the act'.

* * *

Shibi was still where they left him, though Damasu was no where to be found. Everyone found a place to sit, Naruto sitting between Kumiko and Hinata.

Sarutobi talked to a black haired medic with bland gray eyes.

"How is he Yakushi-san?"

"He's in rough shape. I honestly don't see him making it through this." Came the monotone answer. Naruto visibility flinched.

"_IF_ he makes it through this though, he'll be severely handicapped. Please excuse me Hokage-sama; I need to relieve one of the medics in there."

"Yes. Thank you."

As the man went in the operation room, Sarutobi sat down from across Naruto. Gingerly Naruto looked up at the leader. Surely he had the power to…?

"Old man?" Naruto said hesitantly.

"Yes Naruto?" Sarutobi repled, smiling sadly at the boy.

"You're the most powerful man in leaf, right?"

Nodding, Sarutobi motioned Naruto to continue. Licking his lips, Naruto spoke.

"Then can you prevent death?"

Everyone was surprised by this question. Sarutobi was most of all; Naruto looked desperate, as though he was silently pleading him to say yes.

The Third shook his head. "No, Naruto. That is beyond even my abilities."

A part of Sarutobi died at the momentary flash of despair that flashed across Naruto's face before it was hidden behind a smile.

"Oh. Okay. Thanks. Yeah." Naruto said, his voice thick with emotion. Getting up, Naruto excused himself to the bathroom. Catching Sarutobi's eye, Tsume didn't wait long before following after Naruto. He did indeed go into the bathroom, just as he said he would.

_He's strong. He's taking this better then most his age would. He'll be fine._ Tsume thought, trying to reassure herself more then anything else.

Ten minutes slugged by before she entered, worried.

Sniffling was heard as well as broken sobs from the stall at the end.

"Naruto?" She said hesitantly.

"Go away! This is the boys' room!" came a cracked yelled, hoarse from crying.

Ignoring this Tsume knocked on the stall. "Naruto, open this door. Open it or I'll remove it."

A minute ticked by and Tsume was about ready to rip the stall door off as promised when a soft click was heard.

Slowly she opened the door, revealing Naruto. He sat on the toilet seat, face down. Bending to his level, Tsume gently cupped his face, earning a flinch from the boy. Pushing the pain she felt from this reaction, Tsume gingerly lifted his face. Puffy red eyes, still spilling tears greeted her, tundra of emotions that children should never have flashing rapidly across those cerulean orbs.

Tsume stared. He looked so small, so fragile like the slightest breeze could shatter him. Eyes painfully distraught as he tried to stop another sob from escaping.

"He's gonna die isn't he?" he whispered, lip quivering as he trembled.

Tsume couldn't stand it anymore; she embraced him, trying to give him the comfort he desperately needed.

"Shh." She tried to sooth. Naruto froze up, waiting for the attack. Tsume just held him gently, rubbing circles in his back.

"I'm sorry." She said.

_For how I treated you, for how I blatantly looked the other way when you were in need of help, for being a true monster to you and your family,_ "I'm sorry for everything."

Naruto wasn't sure how to react. Tsume's hugs were vastly different from Kumiko's; Kumiko's practically smothered him gentle sweetness, while Tsume's felt strong and firm. Yet he could feel the motherly love in them both.

And right now, he really needed a Mommy hug.

Clinging to the only source close by, Naruto wept openly into Tsume's Chunin flak jacket.

Tsume, tenderly holding him, made a promise.

_I won't turn my back on you. I will protect you as though you were family._

They sat like that for some time (at one instance a chunin came to use the restroom, only to get growled at by Tsume. He left, having much rather fill his pants then try to face the Inuzuka matriarch) before Tsume tugged Naruto back into the waiting room.

Everyone looked relieved, Hiashi giving a small smile to his teammate (completely ignoring how his brother suddenly got twitchy at the sight of the adult Inuzuka).

Damasu had returned, looking blankly at the wall in front of him. Sakura kept shooting him odd stares, as though she was trying to place something.

Everyone sat quietly, waiting in anticipation, dread and everything in between.

* * *

"The damage is extensive. I'm honestly surprised that he is alive right now, and has been alive for all this time." Yakushi said.

"Once we clear out all traces of infection, I will be able to 'see' the damage even more clearly. Then we will know if he actually has a chance to live. Yukika, keep an eye on his chest-seal; his immune system has been compromised and I do not want to see what that mouth can do, sealed or not."

"U-understood, s-sir."

* * *

Limbs had lost feeling long ago, not even noticing the place he did not recall coming in to. Eyes glazed, head hung, and mind in a fog, he wandered through the world of haze. He didn't remember when he had arrived there. It may have been when he lost his parents, or was forced to grow up years before any child should. How long ago had it been? Three, four years? It seemed like an eternity.

He felt like a specter to a show that was not only audio impaired but of the worst quality as he could only make out hazy and vaguely human shapes. Right now, among the muttered voices and smell of anesthetics, he still couldn't feel anything.

Was he dying? Deidara wasn't sure.

_Just forget it. Give up. Lose your grip on life and slip away._

It would be so easy. He was half-dead already. His life was already rapidly declining. Just a little longer and he would be finished. Done and vanished from the world. To let go of everything and melt away to the vast darkness that greedily hoped to swallow him. Creeping behind him like a shadowy panther ready to strike as soon as he had fallen.

_Just stop in your tracks and wait for it to overwhelm you. Fade away…just fade away…_

* * *

"We're loosing him!"

Yukika and Yakushi both cursed.

* * *

Please review!

P.D.


	22. Never Too Late

**My Wish Order Brother**

Author: PiperDreamer

Rating: Rated: M

Genre: General, AU

edited: 04/20/12

* * *

Chapter 22: Never Too Late

* * *

Sarutobi and Naruto both stood when the doors opened. Tired, worn out doctors and medics walked out, headed by Yakushi Sato, the hospital director.

Seeing the anxious group, Yakushi spoke.

"He made it, barely. He is unconscious right now, so we are only allowing family members to visit for the time being."

Naruto was already in the room before the medic had finished.

"Nii-san!" Naruto cried out as soon as he saw the older blonde.

A heart monitor beeped in a slow rhythm, I.V.'s running everywhere as Deidara was hooked up to an oxygen tank and prone on the bed.

"Naruto, use you're inside voice." Sarutobi scowled gently, though winced at the sight of Deidara.

"Nii-san, you really had me worried! But I knew you'd pull through!" the extremely relieved blonde said.

Sarutobi smiled. Naruto was rambling on to the unconscious Deidara, looking happy again.

Things were looking up.

After an hour of Naruto chatting nonstop to the unresponsive Deidara, Sarutobi reluctantly pulled the whiskered face boy out of the room, much to aforementioned whisker face boy's discontentment.

"Now, now Naruto. Let your brother rest, he's just recently got out of surgery."

"But I-"

"Hey Naruto-chan." Hana's voice carried over. The young blonde looked over at the brunette. She smiled tiredly. "Let's go. You can visit him once he wakes up. 'kay?"

Reluctantly, Naruto agreed, following after Hana. Soon only Sarutobi, Yakushi, Yukika and Damasu remained in the hallway.

"Sir, I have something to discuss with you about the boy's…future."

Sarutobi looked at the doctor, silently telling him to continue.

"He is suffering from Quadriplegia. It is caused by damage to the brain or the spinal cord. The injury, known as a lesion, causes the victim to lose partial or total function of all four limbs. From Uchiha-san's account of the school fire, both he and Deidara had a red hot pipe drop on their back when a section of the ceiling collapsed." Yakushi stated, jotting down on his notes.

"If so then why didn't Uchiha-san suffer as badly as Deidara-kun?" Sarutobi asked.

"Uchiha-san was wearing a Chunin vest. It absorbed the majority of his wounds, though still left an impressive burn mark on his back. Deidara on the other hand had no kind of protection on besides a mesh shirt which is only good for blocking kunai and shurikens."

Sarutobi sighed, wishing he had his pipe on him. "Can he be cured?"

"Perhaps if Tsunade-hime had not left the village." Yakushi stated, looking somber.

Seeing his leader's questioning stare, he explained. "He should have had immediate medical attention the moment he got out of the school. Because he had not, his spinal cord is completely insolvent. We can't salvage it at all, and Deidara's immune system has collapsed. The fact he's alive and had lasted five days without treatment was a miracle."

Sarutobi looked saddened at this. Deidara had so much potential! How were he and Naruto going to survive now? Getting a caretaker for Deidara would be impossible seeing how every person with medical practice and personal assistants had been recalled into the hospital for an unknown amount of time.

"Sir, at the risk of sounding heartless, I think we should just euthanize the boy." Yakushi stated.

"What?" Sarutobi snapped, glaring at the man. How dare he even consider that?

"Sir, I mean it with the best intentions. The boy can't talk or move, he can't feel anything, and he cannot eat, drink, or use the restroom without assistance."

"So you want to just kill him? That's it?" Sarutobi seethed.

"I'm being merciful, sir. The boy is practically dead. The only reason he is alive right now is because he's on a machine that's pumping his heart for him and loaded with drugs that is currently fighting any ailment that he has." Yakushi said in an even tone, no emotion betraying his thoughts.

"He is still aware of his surrounding! He's still conscious!"

"Hokage-sama," Yukika's small voice was heard, causing both men to look at her.

"Please don't b-be angry at Yakushi-san. I-I don't l-like i-it anymore th-than y-you do, but right n-now for Deidara-kun i-it might be m-more m-merciful."

Seeing Sarutobi about to speak, she hurried continued. "Deidara-kun i-is a very p-proud boy. Knowing he i-is i-in th-this s-state, he probably w-would rather die now th-then i-in t-two years or so."

"But Naruto-"

"Is going to need a new guardian soon, seeing as I seriously doubt a six year old boy can handle everything Deidara requires."

"I-I've al-lready p-promised Deidara-kun that i-if anything happened t-to him I-I'd find a g-good home for Naruto-chan. M-my husband," the white haired medic pointed to the man next to her, looking on in a blank manner. "has friends w-who are w-willing t-to t-take Naruto-chan i-in despite his…condition."

Sarutobi rubbed his forehead as he spoke, "How long do you think Deidara can last?"

"If we were to continue this, I'd say he'll be very lucky to make it to his twelfth birthday." Yakushi answered.

It may have been the combined effort of, stress, lack of sleep and the events that had taken place in under a week, but for what ever reason adults did not noticed the boy down the hallway, keenly listening to the conversation.

At hearing that Deidara would never move, and may not even see his next birthday, his lead colored eyes widen before quietly going back the way he came.

Naruto needed to know. This was his only family after all.

* * *

Everyone was at Ichiraku Raman Bar, Tsume and Kumiko having treated everyone to a bowl of ramen.

Naruto greedily ate his as he told Hinata of his great adventures with Deidara and the rest of the children, captivating her attention. Hiashi had left to put some affairs into order, leaving Hizashi behind to take Hinata home. He sat on the farthest end away from Tsume, who was in deep conversation with Kumiko. Itachi was torn between worrying about his brother's unusual quiet behavior and keeping conversation with Hana, who he sat next to. Sakura, Ino and Tenten were chatting away as Lee tried to bait the normally talkative Sasuke into an eating competition.

After much eating and chatting Kumiko had made it clear that Naruto was staying with her until Deidara was better. She was secretly planning to move them both in seeing how she wasn't allowing them to go back to that horrendous apartment.

Hana, who had been with Itachi's help trying to get Sasuke liven up to no success.

Finally she huffed moving to Sasuke's side. "What's the matter Sasuke-chan?"

Sasuke looked up, his normally expressive eyes somber.

"Can I talk to Naruto? Alone?"

Naruto, looking at his friend saw the urgency in his eyes and nodded. The two boys walked a little ways off, still in sight of everyone but out of earshot (which was pretty far, seeing how the Inuzuka's had exceptional hearing). Naruto smiled at Sasuke.

"So wha'cha wanna say yeah?"

"Naruto…listen, I'm telling you this because I'm your friend, and I care and I believe you need to know. Keep in mind, I telling you this because I have your best intention at heart, okay?" Sasuke said quickly, looking uncomfortable.

Naruto nodded, wondering what Sasuke had to say.

"Alright…listen to this." Sasuke said, pulling out a tape recorder.

_"He is suffering from Quadriplegia. It is caused by damage to the brain or the spinal cord. The injury, known as a lesion, causes the victim to lose partial or total function of all four limbs. From Uchiha-san's account of the school fire, both he and Deidara had a red hot pipe drop on their back when a section of the ceiling collapsed."_

_"If so then why didn't Uchiha-san suffer as badly as Deidara-kun?"_ the old man's voice sounded.

_"Uchiha-san was wearing a Chunin vest. It absorbed the majority of his wounds, though still left an impressive burn mark on his back. Deidara on the other hand had no kind of protection on besides a mesh shirt which is only good for blocking kunai and shurikens."_

_"Can he be cured?"_

_"Perhaps if Tsunade-hime had not left the village. He should have had immediate medical attention the moment he got out of the school. Because he had not, his spinal cord is completely insolvent. We can't salvage it at all, and Deidara's immune system has collapsed. The fact he's alive and had lasted five days without treatment was a miracle."_

There was a moments pause, before the doctor's voice was heard again.

_"Sir, at the risk of sounding heartless, I think we should just euthanize the boy."_

_"What?"_ the old man said, sounding shocked. What the heck was 'euthanize'?

_"Sir, I mean it with the best intentions. The boy can't talk or move, he can't feel anything, and he cannot eat, drink, or use the restroom without assistance."_

_"So you want to just kill him? That's it?"_

Naruto felt a cold chill go done his spine. The doctor wanted to kill Nii-san? Before he could properly try to reason it out the doctor spoke again.

_"I'm being merciful sir. The boy is practically dead. The only reason he is alive right now is because he's on a machine that's pumping his heart for him and loaded with drugs that is currently fighting any ailment that he has."_

_"He is still aware of his surrounding! He's still conscious!"_

_"Hokage-sama," _Yukika's small voice was heard, barely.

Whatever she said was spoken to low, making it hard to hear.

_"But Naruto-"_ the Old Man started but got cut off by the doctor.

_"Is going to need a new guardian soon, seeing as I seriously doubt a six year old boy can handle everything Deidara requires."_

Yukika spoke again, but as before he couldn't make out what she said. A heavy silence took place. Finally the Old Man spoke again.

_"How long do you think Deidara can last?"_

_"If we were to continue this, I'd say he'll be very lucky to make it to his twelfth birthday."_

The tape cut off, Sasuke putting it back in his pocket.

Naruto just stood there, shocked. Deidara couldn't move? Deidara only had two years to live?

_No, no, no, no, no, no, **NO**!_

"Naruto-"

Naruto didn't even wait for Sasuke's to finish, running back to the hospital. Sasuke blinked once, twice then ran after the blonde. Everyone back at the ramen stand just stared, trying to figure out what the heck just happened.

* * *

Sarutobi was surprise to see Naruto back so soon, looking up at the man beseechingly.

Naruto had beelined straight to him, demanding to know why he didn't tell him about Deidara's condition. Sarutobi then had to explain that he had Naruto's best interest at heart before nearly ripping Sasuke a new one for listening in on the conversation.

Now here he was, back at the hospital, next to Deidara's room trying to convince Naruto to go with Yukika and Damasu.

"I don't wanna live at Yukika's! I wanna stay with Nii-san!"

"N-Naruto-kun, p-please. I-I understand th-this i-is difficult, but p-please be brave. W-we'll take good c-care of y-you, y-you'll visit D-Deidara-kun every w-week. P-please." Yukika whispered, looking sadly at the boy.

Naruto breathed heavily, shaking. "Can…can I say bye?"

"Of course." Sarutobi said.

Naruto quietly walked past everyone, closing the door behind him.

"Will everything be fine?" Sasuke asked, looking at the door sadly.

"Sasuke-kun, please go back to your family. Your brother's probably very worried." Sarutobi said curtly.

Sasuke hung his head, walking off dejectedly. _I was trying to help. Did I make things worse by telling the truth? _Sasuke wondered sadly.

Sarutobi sighed deeply, wishing for a smoke. "I have paperwork to sign. Please keep me posted."

"Of course Hokage-sama. Yukika, you have fist watch. Inform me immediately if there's a change."

"Y-yes, Y-Yukushi-san."

Suddenly an aura was felt, causing those who recognized it to tremble.

"Naruto..." Sarutobi gasped, head whipping to the door.

"**YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO DIE!**" Naruto's voice, distorted by an inhuman underline screamed.

The door blew off, red demonic chakra illuminating the hall in bloody aura.

* * *

Naruto walked up to the bed, staring at the prone form on it. Deidara looked exactly as he had left him yet he looked even more frail, as though the life was seeping out of him.

"Nii-san…the doctor says you're dying. Prove him wrong. Please?" Naruto whispered, hoping to get a reaction. Deidara didn't stir.

"Nii-san…" Naruto murmured, leaning his head next to Deidara's.

_I wish I was a medic-nin, and then maybe I could keep you safe._ Naruto wished sadly. Then his eyes widen in desperate hope. The scrolls Deidara brought home! It told of healing! Maybe if he did it, he could save Deidara!

It's worth a shot, the boy told himself. Gently took a scalpel that was left, cutting the bandages on Deidara's back. Naruto flinched at the gory sight, but determined to save Deidara carried him on.

After the bandages were cut, Naruto hesitantly place his hands above the wounded back, hovering above it.

Remembering the tips Deidara wrote in the scroll, Naruto focused his chakra. After ten minutes of trying to summoned his chakra Naruto felt a pull, then a goo like feeling sliding down his arms from the pull. Opening his eyes Naruto say a trickle of his chakra going into Deidara.

Happy with his result Naruto forced more chakra out, the trickle steadily turning into a stream. The heart machine, which Naruto had ignored starting picking up, the beeping becoming quicker and more urgent sounding.

"Come on Nii-san. Come on."

It didn't take long before Naruto felt dizzy, as though his life was draining.

"Come on, wake up. I'm healing you, Nii-san. You havta wake up."

Sweat trickled down his brow, his chakra suddenly starting to turn a lilac color. That was good right? Healing chakra was a different color so he had to be doing it right!

"Come on!" Naruto grunted, forcing more chakra into the wound.

"You have **to live**! **I won't let you go!**" Naruto said louder as the chakra turned a reddish color.

Then like a dam had broken within Naruto, chakra suddenly exploded out.

"**YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO DIE!**"

Naruto's vision was filled with red and white lights as a burning sensation washed over him, engulfing him whole.

* * *

Sarutobi tried to get closer to the source of the chakra, feeling himself get burns as he stepped to close.

"Has the seal broken?-!"

Taking a moment Sarutobi managed to get a clear look. Yelling over the roar of the chakra he replied, "No but his seal has slipped, letting at least four tails out and into Deidara!"

The two boys were cloaked in the red chakra, Naruto unleashing it as part of it forced its way into Deidara, the rest lashing out wildly.

By now the hospital was being evacuated, every able body moving the wounded as ANBU and Jounin surrounded the hospital, fearing the worse.

"We have to seal the tails!" Sarutobi yelled over the roaring burn that was the nine tails chakra.

"Into what?-!"

Sarutobi looked grimly at Deidara, Yukika picking up on his train of thought. "Sir!"

"It's the only way! He's already full of its chakra! I'll seal the tails within him, just get back!"

"But sir! You'll die!" Yakushi yelled over the roar of chakra.

"It has to be done!"

Sarutobi started flashing through a series of hand seals, missing how Yukika tugged on Damasu, whispering something into his ear.

Before Sarutobi could finish, Damasu grabbed his shoulders.

"Sir! Use me as the sacrifice!"

Sarutobi eyes nearly popped out. "Haruno-san! You're young! You have a wife and daughter!"

"Yes, but you are more important! The village needs you! I can rest in peace knowing my wife and child are safe with you around!"

"Please Hokage! Damasu has already asked me! It hurts, but the village needs you! So do Naruto and Deidara!" Yukika cried out.

Saruotbi thought about. He didn't want to die. But could he really sacrifice this man?

"Sir, it would be an honor to die protecting the Leaf village! Please, let me." Damasu asked, eyes hard. Reluctantly Sarutobi agreed, and just in time, as the chakra was wild and corrosive and Naruto looked like a corpse that was simply leaking out the noxious stuff.

Finishing the hand seals Sarutobi grabbed onto Damasu, and started sealing the tails away.

* * *

"Where…am I?" Naruto question out loud. He was in some kind of huge sewer. Behind him was what looked like a round doorway, and deep within he knew he had come this way. Walking forward Naruto wandered the corridors. There were doorways lined across the walls that he passed, none looking inviting or friendly. The biggest thing he noticed was that the place looked as though it had recently suffered through an earthquake, cracks lining the walls and ceiling, debris everywhere.

It's like a maze in here," he whispered. How did he get here? Was Deidara okay? Did he manage to save him? Naruto didn't know but continued on, feeling a tug that grew as he walked further into the sewer like realm.

He continued till he found what must have been the end of the passageway. The end was nothing more then a black hole that he was unable to see through. Naruto avoided that way and made a turn to his left.

A deep rumble was heard, drawing the boy to it. Turning into a room Naruto let out a startled yelp.

In front of him was a pair of golden gates with a seal on it, but he hardly paid it any attention. It was the _THING _that was halfway out of those gates that had his attention!

Naruto gasped and swayed, almost doubling over, as he felt the pure evil emanating from the other end of the room from the abomination.

It-it looks like a…a fox. Naruto thought, looking at the hideous creature that looked as though it had sores all over it.

**"SO THIS IS MY JAILOR…HOW SAD."**

"W-What?"

**"FOOLISH CHILD, IF YOU ONLY KNEW WHAT YOU TRULY ARE."**

"What do you mean?"

**"TAKE THE SEAL OFF AND I'LL SHOW YOU."**

Naruto looked at the seal and then at the thing halfway out of said bars, he could feel the anger and hatred coming off of it. He really didn't want to let it out and felt that if he did it wouldn't be a good thing. He couldn't totally make out what it was but there was a red glow coming off it now and Naruto backed away a bit more.

"I think I'll pass on that."

The thing roared and lurched forward though the seal seemed to still work as it had stopped him, making Naruto jump,

**"YOU LITTLE BRAT! OPEN UP THIS CAGE! YOU ALREADY PULLED ME HALF OUT, SO FINISH IT!"**

"I don't know what you are talking about! I can't pull you even if I wanted to!"

**"YOU ARE SUCH AN IGNORANT CHILD!"**

"Who cares? I ain't letting something like you out! I'll protect everyone from the likes of you!" Naruto yelled, feeling slightly braver.

**"OH REALLY? THIS COMING FROM THE CHILD THAT BLATANTLY MURDERED HIS OWN 'BROTHER'?"**

Naruto paled at this. "What?"

**"THAT'S RIGHT. YOU KILLED THAT BLONDE FREAK. BECAUSE OF YOUR UNWILLINGNESS TO LEAVES THINGS BE, YOU, NOT EVEN A MEDIC TRIED TO FORCE THE CHAKRA INTO HIS PERSON THAT, INSTEAD OF HEALING HIM, TORE HIM APART FROM THE INSIDE OUT!"**

"No! I was helping him!"

**"HOW DOES IT FEEL TO KILL YOUR OWN FAMILY? MURDERER."**

"SHUT UP!" Naruto screamed.

A strange sound made Naruto look back into the corridor. A blonde boy, with glazed cobalt eyes stumbled into sight, moving slowly forward.

"Nii-san your alive!" Naruto said in relief. Relief turned to worry as he noticed the chains on Deidara ankles and wrist, eyes unseeing.

**"FOOL. WHAT YOU SEE IS JUST THE SOUL. HE'S WANDERING STRAIGHT INTO HELL AS WE SPEAK."**

The ice cold hands of fear gripped Naruto's heart. Looking back Naruto barely saw Deidara before he disappeared from sight.

"Brother! Stop!"

**"IT'S POINTLESS. HIS HANDS HAVE TOO MUCH BLOOD ON THEM. YOU DON'T NEED TO BE A DEMON TO SEE WHERE HE'S GOING FOR ETERNITY."**

Naruto tried to ignore the monster as he ran forwards. "Deidara!"

Naruto felt his blood freeze as he realized he was going into the blacken tunnel. Naruto ran to stop him because Naruto knew, deep within him that if Deidara crossed, he'd be gone.

Deidara walked forward to the blacken tunnel.

Naruto desperately ran forward, ignoring the caged demon's yells **"YOU'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO REACH HIM! HE'S TOO DAMNED TO BE SAVED!"**

"Nii-san! Come back!"

Deidara disappeared into the blackness.

"DEIDARA!" Naruto screamed. Without even thinking about it, Naruto rushed into the black, enveloping himself in the darkness.

* * *

Sarutobi released a sigh, whipping his sweaty brow. The tails had been successfully placed within Deidara, but at cost Damasu's life.

Truly he was a brave and selfless man for such a sacrifice.

Yukika, though tears running down her face from grief no doubt, was checking the boys.

"S-sir." She whispered. "Naruto is fine but…Deidara-kun…"

Sarutobi's eyes focused on the monitor. Nothing just a line. No beat. No pulse. Nothing.

Deidara was gone.

* * *

Naruto looked around as he floated weightlessly to the ground. He was in a barren world, a dead tree here and there. This land looked to be a world of desolateness and misery. Why was Deidara here?

In the distance he could see a great a line of people shackled up as they were marched passed an ominous pair of gates.

On the other side of the gates, decaying people wondered aimless in a lost manner while others screamed in agony as they ripped at their own flesh in a futile attempt of relief as monstrosities roamed the fenced in land, looking like a sick creation of man and beast.

Naruto walked forward to the chained group, looking through the many faces. _There!_

"Nii-san!" Naruto shouted as he leapt forward. He sprinted down the length of the chained gang. "Nii-san! Wait!"

Deidara continued, not hearing the boy.

Naruto reached out to grab him only to get his hand swatted away.

Naruto looked to the one trying to stop him and gasped. A darker, eviler version of himself glared at him.

**"Your not suppose to be here. Too pure. And alive. Go back to the living."**

Naruto shook at the sight of the look-alike, feeling the tangible hatred from it. It was a demon! He wanted so badly to flee, but Deidara, well Deidara was either hypnotized or under a genjutsu.

Despite his fears, Naruto couldn't abandon him. "B-but I can't! N-not without my brother!" the boy stuttered.

The monstrosity laughed.

**"'im?"** it said pointing to Deidara who still seemed oblivious to his surrounding, though had stopped along with the others.

Nodded, Naruto listened as it made another high shrilled laugh before speaking again.

**"Sorry, no can do. He's passed on and has been weighed and has been found guilty of many transgressions and has been sentence to an eternity of torment."**

"What?"

**"He's dead, reprehensively evil and is on his way to hell."** His look-alike said, in a manner as though it was talking to an exceptionally slow half-wit.

Naruto's eyes widen at that.

"He's not dead or evil!"

**"Yeah he's dead. See that gate? Well that's the gate to hell. Only the wicked goes there. And this boy's done quite a number of horrible things for a ten year old."**

"No he's not!"

**"Yes he is. And more importantly, he knows. He has lied-"**

"No."

**"-cheated-"**

"He has not!"

**"-betrayed his country-"**

"Stop it!"

**"-destroyed lives-"**

"Shut up you!"

**"-killed hundreds-"**

"Shut up!"

**"-and is just using you! Why else would a total stranger take you in and become your 'family'? You the unwanted, unneeded, unloved? This is why; you are-"**

"Shut up."

**"-nothing-"**

"I said shut up!"

**"-but a tool to him! He'd leave you as soon as you're no longer of any use to him!"**

"SHUT UP!" Naruto screamed at the _doppelganger_, tears running down his face.

**"He'd abandon you at first chance, leaving you all by yourself again. Sad but true."**

Naruto struck out, smashing his fist into his look-alike's face. In a mirror like effect it shattered, it's shrilly laughter echoing around.

Naruto looked to Deidara only to find him gone. Turning around Naruto paled. Deidara was about to cross the gates. Eyes glazed as though he was in some daze he marched mechanically towards in sync with those next to him, preparing to step across the gap.

"Nii-san!" Naruto sprung forward. With speed one only gets when something dear was in danger Naruto rushed forward, wrapping his tiny arms around Deidara's waist.

The chained group continued moving forwards. Naruto dug his heels into the dirt, trying to stop them.

"Nii-san! Wake up! We got to go back!"

Deidara continued his trudge, getting closer to the gates as monsters within grinned maliciously, salivating at the new meat.

"Deidara-nii-san! You got to wake up!" Naruto begged, clinging onto Deidara for dear life as he attempted to pull him away.

Deidara was a hairs breath from crossing over.

"Brother!"

Naruto looked into the gates of hell. Misery, pain, suffering, all the iniquities of the world was in there, torturing souls forever with demons waiting to further destroy those that cross over.

And Deidara was going in.

"Okay, Big Brother. I see how it'll be." Naruto whispered stopping his futile attempts to free Deidara. Naruto clung to his arm but stood next in line.

"If I can't get you to come back with me, then I'm going with you."

The chain gang ceased as the evil creatures stopped grinning as shock became evident on their grotesque faces.

And with that, Deidara's chains broke off, both children thrown away from the gates by a blinding light.

* * *

Naruto opened his eyes, somewhat shocked to find himself back in the sewers.

_Nii-san!_ Naruto thought in panic, realizing he wasn't in his grasp anymore.

Scanning the area Naruto was both relieved and frighten to see the older boy. Relieved because he hadn't lost him on the way back and frighten because Deidara was heading back towards the black tunnel, only this time the tunnel had a flicker of light at the end.

"Brother! Stop!" Naruto called out as he ran forward.

Deidara turned. When his eyes finally picked Naruto out he blinked and smiled.

"Naruto! I thought you were still alive." Deidara smirked. "Then again being the pain in the butt that you are, I should have known you would already be on the next great adventure."

"I was looking for you!"

Deidara looked down the length of the blacken tunnel then back at Naruto, a hopeful smile on his face.

"Yeah? Thanks for taking the time un." He gestured with his hand towards the tunnel. "I was just on my way back to the beginning of my life. If you want, we could meet up sooner this time, and become brothers from the start. No six years of waiting."

"No! Not that way!" Naruto, finally within arm's reach, grabbed Deidara's wrist. "Let go."

"Hey, cut it out! Let go!" Deidara tried to yank his wrist out of Naruto's grasp. Naruto shook his head. "No. Never. You're going the wrong way."

Deidara frowned. "But it's the only way I can go. I don't want to go to hell yet. I've got to do over some stuff, fix things up." He grimaced. "I was terrible to you too. I've lied to you, and for a while I was using you, just like the demon said."

Shocked filled Naruto, jerking him some. "You remember that?"

"How the (BLEEP) can I forget that you almost, and voluntarily mind you, went to hell? Seriously, are you mental? What made you want that?"

The idea of Naruto residing there ever made Deidara sick, unconsciously placing an arm around the tiny child's shoulders. He could understand why he nearly got sent there, but Naruto was never allowed to go anywhere but heaven! Heck Naruto wasn't even allowed to die! Naruto was the only person he wanted to see living a long time. He was a firm believer of living in the moment and never staying longer then your prime, that life was like art, something short and instantaneous, only there for a second and gone the next. But Naruto…

For Naruto he would make an exception. That's why he needed to go back to the beginning. So that he could be there for Naruto from the start.

Naruto shrugged. "We're brothers. Sure I have Old man, Sakura-chan, Sasuke-teme, Kumiko-oba-san and everyone else but you are the most precious person I got. I'm not letting something as trivial as death separates us! Yeah!"

Deidara's mouth fell open. That was not the response he was expecting. His eyes flicked away and down the length of the passageway then back to Naruto.

Naruto smiled, sure of his decision. "Let's go back. We'll talk about everything when we go back."

Deidara frowned. Pointing to the end of the tunnel the light flickered, looking ready to snuff out. "But it's the only way. If we miss it, we'll be stuck here until we're sent to hell or heaven."

"There's a third option."

"No, Fishcake." Deidara shook his head. "It's too late. You either go on or go back and start over."

"It's never too late, Big Brother." Naruto desperately said, adding, "Please Deidara-nii. Please trust me."

Deidara hesitated a moment. At last he said, "I really don't want to repeat my life again, nor do I want to go on."

Naruto smiled despite himself and nodded. "We won't. I promise."

Deidara turned from the darken tunnel, hand clasped around Naruto's.

Naruto dragged Deidara back the way that he himself had come when he first enter this sewer like world. They passed an extremely large pair of golden gates, enormous murderous red eyes staring at them from behind those gates as they passed by.

Naruto stuck out his tongue at it, happy he had proven it wrong.

And with that, Naruto and Deidara were engulfed in blinding light, sent back the way they had come.

Yukika and Sarutobi both practically jumped when the heart monitor began to beep. At first it was slow, then it picked up till it was a healthy and stable sounding.

Yukika was at the boys' side, checking Deidara's pulse. As she did so an incredulous look appeared. Then tears flooded down her face as she turned to the Hokage, a huge relieved smile on her scarred face.

"He's alive!"

Her face then morphed to shock when they saw Deidara, gingerly, lift an arm and drape it around Naruto's shoulder, hugging him in a protective manner.

"Nii-san…" Naruto murmured in his sleep as he hugged tighter to the older boy's torso, smiling happily.

* * *

And thus Deidara is back among the living! And Damasu had given his life for the greater good (coughbullshitcough).

If your wondering why they got shot out of hell, this is the reason; Naruto, a living, innocent child was willing to damn himself just for the sack of someone else. This caused a contradiction, and to maintain the status quo and to prevent reality from destroying itself, made Deidara return to the living, with the option of either reliving his life, or go back to where he left off.

I personally hate sad/angsty parts but sometimes they are needed for the plot to unfold.

ಠ_ಠ

Please review!

PD


	23. The Price of Ignorance

**My Wish Order Brother**

Author: PiperDreamer

Rating: Rated: M

Genre: General, AU

edited: 04/23/12

* * *

Chapter 23: The Price of Ignorance

* * *

The council room's atmosphere was thick with apprehension, anger and fear as a low buzz of talk hummed through the air like hive of angry bees.

Sarutobi Hiruzen sat at the front of the table, his pipe absent as he watched on. Two days had passed by since the hospital incident and now the village was on lockdown, all but the patrolling ANBU and exceptional Jounin's of Konoha's shinobi having been recalled.

Nobody left and nobody went in and it would remain this way till the terrorists were hunted and put down, permanently.

They had allowed the enemy too much free range, and now the village was suffering more then ever. But now it would appear that the enemy had finally slipped up. It had been a small thing really, easy to over look had a Hyuuga not been there and even he almost missed it.

A bomb, created from flammable items and chemicals wrapped in dirt and clay had been found buried not far from the sight and the only reason it hadn't gone off was because the enemy had failed to place in the fuse correctly. The team brought it back and had found much to their delight a finger print. Now they were scanning through files finding the right ones.

Now that left the matters of the Uzumaki brothers. Everyone had felt the demon's power and fear was barely kept to a minimal.

The citizens of Konoha had never been rational when it came to the fox, and once they decided Naruto was the fox reborn nothing had turn them from that, and they had been either bent on driving him out or kill him and only intervention from the ANBU had prevented this.

What they didn't consider was the possibility of forcing him to release that demon upon them. At the moment the people of Konoha were in a state of panic, seeing how the demon had nearly gotten loose.

Sarutobi knew what he was about to do was underhanded and extremely cruel, but damn it all he was sick of this! Sick of the blatant mistreat of those poor boys!

If they couldn't keep in line out of respect to the Fourth then he would get them to obey out of fear!

"Sir! The boy needs to be killed! He tried to unleash his power on us!"

"That boy is an endangerment to us all-"

"—because they have been treated as freaks!" Inochi interrupted, startling many with the harshness in his voice.

"Had we treated him and his brother as people, this would have never happened! The academy's fire would have never happed! Do you know why the fire had happen in the first place?"

Not waiting for an answer Inochi continued. "Because the perpetrator, Hiroshi was trying to kill him! His blatant hatred drove him to murder other innocent children!"

"B-but the boy's a monster! He the de-"

The foolish councilman who spoke up was then given the harshest look and KI from several head families, most notable from the Inuzuka Tsume who looked ready to slaughter him right then and there.

"He," Tsume started, her voice sharp and filled with lethal intent, "has never, not once tried to kill anyone! He's just a boy who doesn't understand why the hell he has the near complete loathing of his home town! By all means he has every right to hate us, hell I wouldn't blame him if he ever did want to raze Konoha to the ground after all the shit we dumped on him! Just be glad the Fourth sealed that damn monster into Naruto instead of his brother, because Deidara hates this place!"

"The boy should be glad we let him live! As for his brother, I can see why he stayed hidden for six years! I wouldn't want to be known as his brother either!"

"Deidara had never been brought into the light before because he's been working since he was FOUR to support them both! Deidara loves his brother without a shadow of a doubt!"

"So the demon had someone enslaved to him? Well that-"

"Finish that sentence and coroner will have to pick all of your body parts with a pair of tweezers." Tsume snarled.

"Uzumaki stays by his brother because he wants to! Unlike you, he actually cares and loves Naruto!" Inochi said, backing Tsume up.

"Oh please. Don't think we don't know why you're defending them, you faithless swine."

"Yeah everyone knows they are your illegitimate brats! You didn't even want them when that demon got born."

"The point is," Sarutobi said, gaining everyone's attention before another fight broke out. "Is that our action nearly destroyed Konoha."

Gasps were heard, followed by "How can this be?" "We didn't do anything wrong!".

It was Uchiha Fugaku, stoic and cold Chief of Police and Head of the Uchiha clan who surprised everyone by saying, "Then you are all morons."

Sarutobi raised a hand, silence following immediately. "We had refused to at the very least treat him like he was human. Because of this he clung to the only source of love he had; Uzumaki Deidara. When the fire happened Naruto was hurt, but Deidara without even thinking for his own safety plunged into the blazing building to rescue his brother. As he rescued Naruto, he had gotten grievously wounded. Even with this horrendous wound he continued t protect Naruto. When he went to get help from a medic he was turned down, so was forced to try and help Naruto his own way. For five days he tended to Naruto, never once trying to heal his own wounds. Once Naruto' pulled through, Deidara then realized the state he was in.

On the fifth day Deidara and Naruto went to find a medic but the fire's wound finally took a toll on Deidara's body. Mercifully there were kind souls nearby who assisted in getting Deidara to the hospital where Deidara under went a very risky operation to save his life. Though successful, Deidara was severely crippled, being a quadriplegic and was only going to live for two years at the most. When Naruto found out about this, he became distraught.

Desperate to save his only family, Naruto tried to use medic jutsu's on Deidara."

"But that requires a lot of control! A mere child of mediocre grading can't hope to perform that kind of control!"

Glaring at the interrupter, Sarutobi continued. "It does require a lot of control, something Naruto does not possess. But after reading a scroll he tried to do it anyway, but when he started 'healing', he had somehow instead forced what looked like a giant vortex of microscopic wind-blades that attack the body on a cellular level. The chakra severed the chakra and nerve channels in the body, and with the chakra circulatory system damaged, it couldn't be repaired by any form of medical ninjutsu, thus preventing the victim from using jutsu ever again."

Many shivered at that. One of the biggest reason's newbie medic's were only allowed to practice healing on animal's and the dead was because, like learning to walk up a tree, you had to have a perfect amount of chakra; too little didn't heal and too much destroyed your patients.

Tsume felt queasy. "He tried to save Deidara…but ended up making it worse?"

"Much worse. But this wasn't the only effect; Naruto had unintentionally begun to tear through Deidara's body, killing him faster. Naruto, having no idea what he was doing tried to heal him, thinking he was saving his brother."

Many were silently at this, others feeling a wave of guilt and sorrow at this. None of them could imagine what that was like, unintentionally hurting a love one while trying to help and those who did felt a small bit of personal shame and sorrow.

"That's when it happened."

Sarutobi's eyes were cold as steel, grim with knowledge as he continued. "While trying to get the healing chakra, Naruto tapped into the fox's power. Yes my fellow councilmen, thanks to the ignorance we had placed on him, doing our best to make him as uneducated and illiterate as possible, he had managed to reach for a power so dangerous that even I, Hokage, won't touch it, because he had no idea it was evil.

Once he hit that power, all hell broke loose. The demon tried to escape Naruto."

Many turned an ashen white. He managed to unleash the demon's power purely on accident? !

"If it hadn't been for the courageous sacrifice of Haruno Damasu, I have no doubt in my mind that the demon would have escaped, killing not just its host but destroying Konoha. Now the demon's is back behind its seal, and a sum of its chakra had been placed in Deidara who, thanks to the chakra is now perfectly healthy."

It was silent for a moment, and then one of the councilors meekly said, "He almost unleashed the demon… because he had tried to save his brother?"

"Yes. I'm sure had Naruto been aware of the detrimental results of improper medic use, he would have never tried to heal Deidara."

After letting them mull this over a minute, Sarutobi continued.

"Ignorance is bliss, or is it? His ignorance was the work of us trying to make him 'weaker'. But making a time bomb weaker only makes it detonate sooner. Ignorance nearly led to freeing the demon, and the destruction of our beloved village.

I won't lie, we lucked out. But now we have a new problem; Naruto is more likely to tap into the power now that his seal had been weakened, risking a higher chance for this to repeat. Furthermore, we now have Deidara, a newly minted psuedo-jinchuriki who as Tsume had said earlier hates us. In fact I believe that the only reason he won't try to obliterate us is because it might upset Naruto. But if Naruto were to ever hate this place too..."

Many people were trembling now, the realization shaking them. Even Tsume shook slightly.

"So…what do we do?" the meek councilor spoke, saying what everyone wanted to know.

"What we have here is a choice; will we risk another near self-annihilation with our bigotry? Or shall we teach the boys'; giving them the power that can preserve us…if we treat them as humans?" Sarutobi asked his face as solemn as the grave.

It was silent for a moment. Then Tsume stood up, looking the Hokage in the eye.

"Train 'em." She said, short simple and to the point.

"I second that vote." Hiashi, to the surprise of many replied standing as well. Soon Shibi, Inochi, Shikaru, Choza, as well as two-thirds of the council stood, and Uchiha Fugaku to the shock of many was among them.

Sarutobi didn't try to hide his grim smile. "So be it."

* * *

_Then an explosion went off, sending him flying. He crashed to the ground; pain filled him as the impact took his breath away. After a moment he willed the stars that shot across his vision to recede, slowly getting up. Pain shot down his arm, a chunk of wood embedded in his shoulder as glass, rocks and wood had cut, stabbed and lodged them into him._

_Clay was near him, on a corpse. He fearfully took it._

_"Who's there?"_

_Deidara looked up, seeing more Grass-nin's. Panic over took him, the memories of the man's dead mutilated body flashing across his mind._

_Fear overrode all other senses as he ran._

_He ran like there was the demons of hell coming after him, and for all he knew they were._

_Then another explosion was heard behind him, causing him to duck and curl into a ball as the majority of the debris flew over him._

_Deidara's eyes widen when he summoned the courage to look behind him, his hand chewing the clay._

_A Konoha shinobi was battling the Agent of Destruction._

* * *

Deidara's eyes widen, his breathing harsh. Where was he?

He had been on his way to that damn bitch Yukika's house, collapsed, forced to wait as Naruto got help, was carried away to the scarred witch's residence, heard her announcing him in bad shape then once more was carried off, this time to the hospital where they promptly knock him out...then what?

Sitting up Deidara felt a sudden jolt of pain accompanied by an itch on his chest, causing him to hiss.

Wait, pain? Itch?

He could feel again! Joy filed him. Movement! Feeling! It was back! Though something felt…off. Movement caught his eye, cutting his joy short. Turning he found Naruto, snuggled close to him and fast asleep. Deidara blinked. How did he get here, and where was here?

The smaller boy grumbled, his eyes squeezed shut as he held tighter to the long haired Jibaku.

"No Nii-san…don't go…I won't let you go to hell on your own…" the boy murmured.

The sleepy words though caused a flood of memories to reemerge. Deidara shook as he recalled his death, the ruin sewer, the black tunnel, hell, Naruto's selfless near-sacrifice, everything.

He died. He really died! Died and was a hairs breath away from entering hell! And Naruto – his terminally stupid, crazy, naïve, big-hearted and innocent little brother– tried to follow him into that place!

_Does kami allow guys like me to recant our ways?_ Deidara wondered. Well, if he didn't Deidara was going to do it any! As of right now, he was turning a new leaf!

Not only was that the single most terrifying thing that had ever happen to him, he almost (unintentionally mind you) took Naruto with him!

He wasn't sure which one scared him more; going to hell or Naruto going to hell because of him.

Either way, he had some making up to do.

Deidara quickly looked back at Naruto when the younger boy moved. Naruto now clung on his forearm, legs wrapped around his waist. Deidara stared at the younger boy who looked like he was humping him.

Deidara was quick to try and pry Naruto off (pain and stiffness making this quite a chore) only to find that the boy had a death grip on him.

Sighing Deidara placed his hand on Naruto's face, tongue slobbering all over him.

"Yaaaauuurgggh!" Naruto yelped, now awake as he jerked back.

As Naruto franticly wiped his face Deidara chuckled.

"Morning, Fishcake."

The boy froze, hands still over his face.

Naruto, very slowly and very deliberately, moved his hands out of his eyes, not believing what he saw.

There sitting next to him was a completely healed, non-mangled or dying Deidara.

The next things that happen was a bit of a blur to Deidara, as one minute he was watching Naruto's reaction with amusement and the next he was half off the bed, Naruto having knocked him over from the force of the hug he delivered.

"NII-SAN!"

Deidara momentarily fought the sensation of vertigo, seeing how his upper half of his body was off the bed as he listened to Naruto's rather fast and disjointed talking.

"You fell over, Tsume-oba-san and Kumiko-oba-san was worried, Aniki on crutches, Sasuke-teme's blackmail- Hinata-chan's- fine- you died and went to hell, and then you tried to restart your life and then, then, then…oh Nii-san your alive yeah!" the boy sobbed happily.

"It's okay Naruto. I ain't leaving." Deidara said, getting back into an up right position.

Naruto, still clinging to Deidara looked up. "Promise?"

"Cross my fingers un."

The two sat like that for a while, enjoying the silence for a change. Then the door opened, revealing Yukika. "G-glad to see y-your back among the l-living. Now I-I need to g-give y-you this shot to numb some of the more serious pains."

"Do not pump me full of drugs! I just got my ability to feel again! Ow! ...okay, pump away."

Yukika chuckled before turning to Naruto. "Naruto-chan? Can you wait outside?"

"What? No! Nii-san needs me! Yeah!"

Getting an idea of what she wanted to say, Deidara grinned at Naruto. "Why don't you get the rest of our motley crew? Bet they're all worried 'bout us!"

"But Nii-san…"

"Naruto, do you want them to stay worried?"

"…if it means I can stay here, then yes."

Chuckling Deidara coaxed Naruto into going. Very reluctantly the boy left, saying he was going to be right back.

As soon as he was sure he was gone Deidara looked up at the frowning lady.

"You are a walking catastrophe." She hissed.

"And you're the devil. So what the (BLEEP) happened since I went comatose?"

Yukika gave him a blank stare as she explained. "After you collapsed Naruto went and found Tsume and some of her friends who brought you to me. After deeming you beyond my capabilities alone, I had them haul you to the hospital and straight to the ER. Right before I prepped up for operation, I cashed in some favors and had the Census Office blown up, planting fake evidence on the scene to give us an alibi for you to use now that the secret of your kekkei genkai has been exposed. By the way when the Hokage talks to you, tell him you had awoken your blood line the week before the school fire.

After the operation you were deemed crippled with only a few years to live."

"What? ! I'm crippled and dying? !"

"No. You see the reason your even moving right now is because of Naruto."

Seeing his questioning gaze Yukika spoke. "Tell me, what do you know about jinchuriki?"

"I know the ones back in Iwa are either nuts or anti-social as well as bloodthirsty, and that Naruto is by far the most human of them, normal people included."

"Ah. You know about Naruto-chan's condition?"

"Hiroshi was very chatty before I killed him."

"Hm. It probably is in your best interest to pretend you have no idea about this, it is an S-class law."

"Since when do the people of this (BLEEP)ing village respect the law? And what the fuzz does Naruto's stature have to do with this?"

"Well, Naruto was so distraught when he found out that he became hysteric and tried to save you by performing medic jutsu on you."

"…please tell me you stopped him." Deidara asked, looking himself over for disfigurements.

"Unfortunately we didn't know he's intent till it was too late. Not only did he speed up your likelihood to die he unintentionally tapped into the demon's power. I have to say the results were…spectacular."

"What happened?"

"Naruto came very close to unleashing the demon, and also ended up loading you full of the monsters chakra. The Hokage performed a sealing, and my dear husband selflessly sacrificing himself. He will be missed."

"…He sacrificed himself?" Deidara deadpanned, not looking convinced at all.

"Yes."

"This selflessness act hadn't been the result of genjutsu, would it?"

"Why of course not. I would never make someone do that. Too incriminating. Though the benefits of being the widow of a hero are lovely. Anyway, after that the Hokage sealed four of the tails into you."

"I got a demon in me? !"

"Demon _chakra_. It gave you accelerated healing, which is very fascinating to watch. We managed to see it repair all the damage Naruto had done, which was quite severe, and the fire incident did to you, and if we were not mistaken your now faster then before and more agile. Your chakra stores are now thrice there original size, and your stamina has increased."

"And Naruto?"

"He's safe, though his seal has been weakened. Not enough were it is an issue as of right now but it'll need to be repaired, so Hokage-sama had called for a Seal Master."

Deidara looked relieved.

"Don't get to comfortable, your problems have just begun. When the demon healed you, he boosted your body up, but shattered your previous abilities. Right now your taijutsu is probably nonexistent while chakra control is utterly gone. If I had to guess, you'll need a lot of training to get it back."

Deidara stared at her in shock before swearing colorfully. "I'm back to genin level!"

"More like Academy."

"What? !"

"Or even before the academy."

Deidara wanted so badly to destroy something right now but reframed. _I'm turning a new leaf, I'm turning a new leaf, _was his mantra.

"But that may be in your favor; the Hokage is planning to have both you and Naruto trained. After recent events, it had become clear to the council that they may have been cruel to you boys and wish to amend their ways."

_So they're now chicken shit scared and want to kiss our butts in hopes we don't go ballistic and level Konoha to the ground._ Deidara thought in anger, still enraged about his current problem.

"After they decided that, it was clear that you may need a new home since quite a few of the councilmember's refused to see you return to your 'filthy, disgusting, unsanitary and in-need-of-demolishing apartment', as she called it, as well as a minder. Hokage-samsa thought I would make an excellent caretaker."

"(BLEEP). Does this mean we havta move in with you?"

"Remarkably, no. There were quite a number of people bent on making sure I did not get custody over you two."

Seeing Deidara questioning stare, Yukika gave a sardonic smile.

"You see, my name has a bit of tarnish on it. A few years back I was, shall we say, a victimized person used against my will by Orochimaru. All proof showed of my innocence in the matter but many of the elder council and the more bigot ones seem to believe I had been a cohort, helping in his inhuman experiments of my own free will."

"…can't fathom why they would think that." Deidara deadpanned.

"Neither can I. Personally I think they hate me because I hail from Mist, but that's not the point. The Hokage doesn't trust anyone with you two so he had commissioned a home to be build out in the middle of the woods. He doesn't want you to be completely alone though so he had a young man, boy really, who had just been promoted to chunin to watch you two on most days until we find a suitable guardian. He's name is Umino Iruka."

"Can't I just leave this godforsaken shitehole of a village? Or destroy it then leave?" Deidara whined, trying to get his mind of off of his lost abilities. _At least I can still use my art._

Yukika face was blank, once more making it impossible to tell what was going on in that unbalanced lady's head.

"Things are in an unalterable motion and your future is ready to embrace or destroy you, depending on your choices." Yukika said simply. Looking him in the eye, Yukika whispered,

"Do you run from everything and construct a burning path? Or do you stay with the child who may very well be the only one who can see you as you and build on the foundation you put down?"

The words hung in the air, awaiting Deidara's answer.

"My future… is and will remain intersected with Fishcake." Deidara replied, glaring at the scar-faced woman. "And if the trail he blazes leads outside these godforsaken walls, then I'm all for it."

Yukika smiled coldly. "…When you've healed, I wish to train you in kenjutsu."

Seeing Deidara's disbelief look, she spoke again. "Your agile, and now that your body no longer recalls its old training and abilities, you'll be needed all the help you can get. Besides, having several tricks up your sleeve is much better then only one."

"Are you giving me a choice?"

"But of course. Though if you refuse, you'll be stuck with only academy level students to work with."

Deidara blanched at that. Yukika may be a sociopathic bitch but at least she wouldn't treat him like he was a greenhorn.

Deidara had barely said yes when the doors reopened, Naruto jumping in with several others; the Uchiha's, Sakura with the Yamanaka's, the Inuzuka's and the Hokage.

"You're just the kind of guy that always has something bad happening, aren't you?" Sarutobi sighed, though greatly relieved to see him alive and safe.

"I'm always in shite; it's just the depth that varies..."

* * *

Yukika would be the first to admit she wasn't a good person; she knew more then what was safe, blackmailed people into doing her bidding, killed without caring and had even enjoyed it, had relationships with the likes of Danzo, Gato, tyrants, smugglers, drug dealers, criminals, missing-nins and just about every other shady person you could think of.

She was labeled in the Bingo Book under several alias's, came from a notorious clan and had a S-class criminal father, had staged several international incidences and had even worked right next to Orochimaru before he was caught. She had moments were she should have died, should have been caught and HAVE been caught.

Now though she wondered if she was becoming too careless. She had come close to being discovered during the sealing but she was confidant that the risk had been worth it.

Damasu's 'selfless sacrifice' had freed her from his stupidity and gave Sakura an edge by being known as the daughter of a hero.

People would go out of their way to talk to her, and shinobi would give free lessons and tips that Sakura could learn.

Knowing her daughter was safe, Yukika felt as though a weight had been lifted from her shoulders.

It had been three days since she had that chat with Deidara and things were going smoothly. Yukika continued watched on as Sakura and her little friends played around Deidara's wheelchair, laughing gaily as if they didn't have a care in the world.

"You should teach your daughter to control her emotions or the enemy can use them against her." A bland voice spoke from her left.

Yukika didn't bother to look at the Yamanaka as he stood next to her, watching the children as well.

"Fortunately for Sakura, she has a notorious heritage that can use their emotions as a shield. I do plan though to teach her on controlling them soon though."

Fū nodded in approval before fixing his blank stare on the white haired woman.

"The Jibaku seems to be recovering well. No doubt the works of the demons charka now sealed within him."

"Indeed. He seems more in control then the host though. I believe that's because he only contains about four tails worth of the fox's power and has just the tails and not the actual beast sealed within him."

"Perhaps." The Root agent said quietly before speaking again. "Danzo-sama understands why we can no longer have the boy, but he is wondering why you didn't let the Third die. I too am curious since I had coincidently been the one to help persuade Damasu to 'volunteer' into being sacrificed."

"Yes, and I wish to thank you for using the Shintenshin no Jutsu on him. But as to why I sacrificed him over the Third, the timing is off."

The Yamanaka blinked. "Explain."

"We have a terrorist on the loose, one who is very good at evading not only the authorities, but Root as well. If we knew who was behind this we could have silenced this threat while it was small. Killing the Third will lead to a village wide panic or revolt, making control non-existent.

By sacrificing Damasu we had established hope; the populations will believe that the demon had been greatly weakened, something that can improve even the most downtrodden soul and in these times their going to need it."

"So you killed your husband…to bring hope?" Fū said slowly.

"Hopeful people are much easier to control then panicked ones."

Fū just stared at her. Sometimes he questioned this lady but she was loyal and knew what she was doing. Danzo-sama wouldn't have trusted her so much if she wasn't.

Looking over at the frolicking children the emotionally stunted man asked, "What of the Jibaku? Do you believe he's responsible?"

Yukika turned to him, just enough for him to see her burn mark. "I had at first thought the Jibaku been responsible, but after several tests I found this to be unlikely."

"And why is that?"

"The boy awoke his Kekkei genkai just before the school fire incident. The attacks have been going on for nearly two months. He also has been in ER when the Census office was destroyed."

"Hmm. Danzo-sama wishes for you to keep an eye on the Jibaku and jinchuriki. He sees potential, especially in the Jibaku."

Yukika nodded before fixing her eyes onto the children as Fū disappeared in a flurry of leaves.

_**So Danzo still plans to sink his fangs into Jibaku huh? I know we promised the boy over to him, but that would be too dangerous at this time. Looks like an anonymous tip to the Hokage is in order.**_

_So it seems. That boy's life has just gotten complicated. Perhaps I could help him, train him a little. After all, he did help in ridding the world of Damasu._

The wind blowing restlessly around, lifting her hair out of her face, showing a deadly woman with a scar running down her left face and neck that, instead of making her ugly, made her seem more attractive as her eyes hardened like jade, a sadistic smile spreading across her face, making a beautiful yet lethal picture.

* * *

It had been day four and Deidara was back at the apartment, packing with Naruto.

Deidara had talked to the Hokage, how had told him that to save his life they had to make a seal on him. Deidara almost burst into tears when he was told the second seal was placed over his chest-seal (Yukika had told the old man that Deidara had placed it there, and since he really had nobody questioned the poor quality), which sealed off that mouth, making it impossible to ever use it without unleashing the demon's chakra (though the old man hadn't said that part. When confronted about it Yukika reasoned that the Hokage didn't know he knew about the demon and wasn't going to tell till he was a Chunin).

He was still sore about losing his hard earned Jounin level abilities (he had cried for an hour, but only when he was absolutely sure nobody saw. He had his pride after all) but he digressed. Yukika had a point when she said this would benefit him in the long run. Even a total retard would have questioned how he had come across some of his move, such as the Iwa standard fighting style.

So even if that meant going back to school, he had a change and reinvent himself a bit.

Though it still was insulting to go from a fearsome fighter to greenhorn all over again.

In the mean time he still had to hide his blood limit seeing how the Hokage had decided to keep it a secret till he was capable of protecting both himself and Naruto. Plus he didn't think Deidara would like it if they were to try and get him engaged so that they could hopefully get his kekkei genkai into Konoha's mass.

The old man was probably scared and more then a little bit worried when Deidara hugged him, saying 'Thank you!' with the most earnest feeling.

Soon they would be moving into their new home, hidden away from everyone else. But until then, they were stuck in this place.

_Not if I can help it,_ Deidara thought, a grin on his face. Finishing the last of his packing, he sealed both his things and Naruto's in a scroll.

"Got everything Naruto?"

"Yeah!"

"Great! Let's go to Ichiraku's to meet our minder. What was his name again?"

"His name's Umino Iruka! I told you 'bout him!"

"Oh yeah. Well Naruto, take one last look because we're never coming back here again."

The two marched down the two flights, one grinning while the other had a psycho-grin on his face. Back from the dead and he was already turning a new leaf! Maybe this good-guy stuff was easier then he thought!

Many would question his definition of a 'good-guy' as the apartment they just left started smoking, but the duo didn't care.

They were going out to eat!

* * *

Deidara's Pro's: He now has regeneration ability, is faster, more agile and has a ton more chakra levels.

Deidara's Cons: His muscle memory had been shot to hell forcing back to the days he barely knew how to do taijutsu, can't mold chakra thanks to going from a bottle of chakra to a fire hose of chakra.

PD

.


	24. Of Minder's, Extortioner's and pubs

**My Wish Order Brother**

Author: PiperDreamer

Rating: Rated: M

Genre: General, AU

edited: 04/23/12

* * *

Chapter 24: Of Minder's, Extortioner's and pubs

* * *

Umino Iruka, freshly minted Chunin, was waiting for his wards Naruto and Deidara. He tried to ignore the fact that there were currently three ANBU who'd be overseeing everything, coming along to watch his wards as well, if they weren't already here.

Iruka though ignored them as best as possible, focusing on what he had learned that morning.

Iruka had only received his new rank about three months ago- a newbie in every way. When the terrorist attacks started, he had mostly been altering from patrol duty and studying to be a teacher.

Since he got promoted, he hadn't seen hide nor hair of his favorite blonde child, but had heard rumors.

Naruto as Yamanaka Inochi's illegitimate son? An older brother? Befriending the Inuzuka and saving the Hyuuga clan's heiress?

It just seemed to get wilder with each accusation, none of which he even believed. Well, until he was summoned before the Hokage that is.

The elder man had spent an hour explaining the recent events, to which Iruka found himself in a constant state of bulged eyes and slack jaw.

Why does this kind of stuff always happen to Naruto?

The Hokage had explained that even though the boys weren't related at all, Deidara truly cared about Naruto, to the point of willingly putting his own life in danger to save him and that Naruto had nearly unlocked the Kyuubi to save Deidara who had suffered tremendous damage during the fire. The Hokage had made it clear he wasn't to say anything about the two not being biologically related, seeing how he had made the council believe otherwise.

And to top this, apparently Deidara was now loaded with Kyuubi power, had a viable reason for hating this village and was suspected (by the Hokage and several others) deeply of being somewhat unhinged and only a nod away from psychotic breakdown that could end with him torching Konoha to the ground.

And now the Hokage wanted him to be their minder. Naruto he had no issue with, he loved that kid as though he was his own brother, Deidara on the other hand…

Somehow he was envisioning a psychotic axe murderer, one which would load his arse full of explosives and set them off if he so much as suspected him of foul play.

Not a good thing to image, he decided.

A peal of laughter, one he knew by heart, rang through the air.

Turning, he saw his favorite blonde skipping along, chatting rapidly to an older child that from where he stood looked like a girl that was blonde, blue-eyed, and tanned like Naruto- grinning as he/she listened to the younger boy's chatter.

"Hey Naruto!" Iruka called, waving brightly. Naruto looked over at him, a radiant smile on his face as he ran forward, tackling the teen off his stool.

"Iruka!" The boy chirped happily. The other child, roughly ten years old wandered up to the ramen stand at a leisurely pace.

Standing back up, Iruka gave the long-haired blonde a friendly smile as he held out his hand.

"Hi. I'm Umino Iruka. You must be Deidara, Naruto's brother. It's a pleasure to meet you."

Deidara looked the teen over with a critical eye. He looked harmless and friendly enough, but so did Yukika when he first met the psychotic hag.

Still, Naruto had known him for a long time, plus he did teach Naruto how to read and write so he must have some redeeming qualities. Or at least he hoped so, because it would look very suspicious if their minder were to suddenly try and commit suicide, via burying himself alive with explosive loaded in his arse.

Smiling in a pleasant manner Deidara shook Iruka's hand. "Nice to meetcha, un."

Breakfast was rather good in Iruka's opinion. Deidara had been surprisingly nice or at least nicer then he had anticipated him to be at any rate, and to be honest he seemed like a normal kid who was just a bit more protective of his sibling then most were. Other than that he didn't strike him as different or even vengeful.

After Naruto regaled his experience in the school fire, Iruka had been glad to hear that the perpetrator had been put down, he decided to call it a day and to take the kids home.

"Come on Naruto, we're going back to the apartment."

Naruto gave the teen a confused look. "But we can't go back."

Naruto missed the look Deidara had shot him, Iruka however didn't.

"Oh? Why?"

Naruto gave a huge proud smile.

"Because Nii-san torched the living (BLEEP) outta it! Yeah! Ow!"

"You weren't supposed to say anything, un! And don't swear unless you're singing!"

Iruka just gaped at them.

* * *

"So let me get this straight… You set your apartment complex on fire."

"In my defense sir, the building had been evacuated for a severe tick infestation and I've been told by more than ten people, many who are on the council, that the building should be condemned. I figured I was doing a public service by making sure my poor, innocent brother didn't have to stay there and possibly get horribly sick. Oh and those other people who use to live there too, un."

Sarutobi tried not to smack his head into the desk, breathing deeply.

"You'll be staying with Iruka for the time being. You'll be informed when your new home is finished. I'll see you Saturday, Deidara-kun."

"Yes, sir."

"And for kami sake, DON'T burn Iruka's apartment."

Iruka sighed in relief. He didn't have to worry about the pyromaniac setting his home ablaze.

Marching the duo to his home, Iruka was somewhat glad they'd only be here a little while. The apartment was not made for three people. The two boys slept in his room as he crashed onto the couch, the day's events taking its toll on him.

Deep sleep claimed him in a matter of minutes.

* * *

"Shouldn't we wait for Iruka? Yeah?"

"Nay, let him sleep. Plus, it'll be fun to watch him sweat a little when he can't find us."

"Hm. Okay."

* * *

Deidara and Naruto headed for the park, Naruto singing a song called 'Bugger Off' that he had learned from Deidara not too long ago, causing several old ladies to fall over from heart attacks when they heard some of the words he used in the lyrics.

It wasn't long before Deidara heard the familiar laughter and voices from the park area, telling him that the kids he normally babysat had either snuck out to play or had gotten permission. He was betting mostly on the former.

Soon he saw the small gang who had seen them as well, if the squeals of 'They're back!' and 'Uzumaki!' were anything to go by. Soon a stampede of children rushed forward and for a moment Deidara contemplated using Naruto as a human shield when Hana mercifully called them back.

Hana and Itachi stood not far, both looking amused at the children's antics.

Ushering Naruto to go and play with his pals, Deidara wandered over to the Inuzuka and Uchiha.

"Glad to see you're out and about." Hana said happily, while Itachi gave a nod.

Deidara had the feeling Itachi wasn't as glad to see him, seeing how he probably interrupted their 'alone' time.

Hana pulled out a deck of cards.

"Wanna play? Poker's no fun with only two." She said, missing the momentarily sad look that flashed across Itachi's face before disappearing behind his stoic mask.

"Uh- sure?" Deidara said, though he had a feeling of dread that he couldn't quite place.

"Great! We'll start the bet at five ryo and work our way up…"

An hour had past, and during it Deidara had remembered why he was so apprehensive about playing.

He absolutely sucked at gambling.

In the course of one hour, Hana and Itachi had won three paychecks worth of cash, his hoari and shoes, and had suckered him into owing them roughly a month's worth of dango.

Hana was sympathetic and gave him back the money she had won along with his hoari and his shoes. Itachi, not so much.

Deidara had the feeling this was payback for turning Sasuke into an extortionist.

"I can't believe you suck so badly, Deidara-kun!" Hana said with a bark of laughter.

"Yes. I've only have ever heard of Tsunade-sama of the Sannin to be this bad." Itachi jabbed.

"Go to hell. Or better yet, go make babies in front of your parents."

Hana frowned at that. "No way would I procreate in front of my mother. She'd murder the father or do a kunai wedding. Plus I really don't think Itachi's fiancé would like that."

"Yeah- but if you two did screw around, it might save Itachi from a fate worse than death."

"I'm leaving now." Itachi said abruptly. He didn't want this kind of conversation, ever. "Sasuke was held up by Kaa-san so he'll be running a bit late. Goodbye."

"Bye, Uchiha-san!"

"Bye, Lover-boy."

Itachi gave a curt nod to Hana and a glare at Deidara before disappearing in a flurry of leaves.

"You shouldn't tease Itachi like that Deidara-kun. He may not like his betrothed but you don't have to make this harder for him." Hana said, giving Deidara a disapproving stare.

"I'm just trying to help. If he can't be honest to the girl he does like, then why shouldn't I make him uncomfortable?"

Hana blinked at this. "Wait, he has a crush on someone?"

"Uh yeah. I ain't sure how long it's been going, but if I had to guess he's been in love with her for years." He said, giving her a pointed stare.

"Oh…so you're trying to help him get the girl he loves?"

"Sorta. I'm mostly doing it because I'm bored and find his reactions funny."

Hana gave another disapproving stare before a questioning one took place. "But who is he crushing on?"

"She's the same age as him, though not the same ranking. She's from a clan, though not as prestigious as his. And she's as dense as the village wall." Deidara replied, all the while giving her that pointed stared that all but told who he was referring too.

Sadly for Itachi, Hana though very intelligent wasn't very good at picking up such hints when it involved her.

"That's…not very helpful."

Deidara laughed. Man, between Itachi's recluse nature and Hana's thickness, they were never going to get together!

Reaching forward, Deidara pulled a leaf that had gotten stuck in Hana's hair.

"If you can't figure it out, I ain't telling. Un."

Hana blushed at their closeness, her heart beating harder. A second later Deidara pulled back, just as a kunai came flying in.

"Hey careful, Ten-chan! Or you'll poke an eye out! Yeah!" Naruto yelled, dodging a kunai.

"So I like playing with sharp pointy objects, what's wrong with that?"

Everyone sweated. Only Tenten could say something like that with a straight face.

"Oooooookay, now that we got that scary notion out, let's go to the Flighty Tart!" Deidara said quickly, standing up.

The kids gave a rousing round of cheers, though Hana simply looked confused. "'The Flighty Tart?'"

"It a place we hang out at. Great food and music. You'll love it." Deidara waved off.

"But the Teme's not here yet!" Naruto whined.

"Hm, good point. Hana could you wait for Sasuke? Our local blackmailer loves playing 'I Spy'."

Sighing Hana just nodded. Deidara grinned leaning forward till she could feel his breath on the shell of her ear.

"Thanks. Be careful though. Sasuke's made it his habit to grill people for embarrassing moments and capture them forever in his camera. Try not to give him anything, 'kay?"

Hana felt heat rush to her face. Seeing Deidara this close made her heart speed up as she felt the heat off him. She was almost disappointed when he pulled back to shepherd the kids away.

She stood there for a good fifteen minutes before her mind rebooted.

_Why did I just feel that? Stupid hormones stop acting up! He's just a friend!_ She mentally scolded to herself.

He was just a friend! An extremely girly-looking, yet undoubtedly male friend, who had lots of potential and maybe even boyfriend material—

"No, no, no, no! He's just a friend! A friend! I am not crushing on him!"

"Crushing on whom?"

Hana eeped, once more scolding herself for not being more aware of her surroundings. Turning she saw Sasuke, who had a happy smile on his face, and a pair of orange and blue goggles on his head.

She had seen him wear those goggles occasionally, but ever since he'd recovered from the school attack he had taken to wearing them every day.

When she asked about them, he replied that they were a gift from a cousin, saying they once belonged to his deceased son who had died at the Kannabi Bridge. Apparently Sasuke reminded him so much of his son that he wanted to give him something that had belonged to 'a great but sadly forgotten hero'.

"Silence is not an answer, Hana-nee-chan. Who are you crushing on?" Sasuke said with persistence.

"I'm not. I was just telling someone I wasn't crushing on their friend." Hana stated stubbornly, remembering Deidara's words.

"But there's nobody here." Sasuke deadpanned.

"They saw you and ran for the hills." Hana replied.

"Oh. Must have been someone I extorted once." He said offhand, accepting her answer.

"Why do you blackmail, Sasuke?" Hana asked, trying to change the subject, not to mention she was curious. Surely there were better ways for him to get what he wanted?

Sasuke smiled brightly as he placed his goggles over his eyes. "Because it's my talent!"

"Talent?" Hana mused, an eyebrow raised.

Sasuke smiled. He trusted Hana, so why not tell?

"I didn't discover my talent till much later. Let me go to the beginning; it all started when Nii-san began his lectures…"

* * *

"Okay, let's call it a day. Un." Deidara called out to the group of children. The 6-7 year olds gladly flopped to the ground, sweat trickling down their faces as they all took deep breathes.

Deidara could be a task master when he wanted to be, but he never pushed them beyond their capabilities. Why break them before one could make them?

_Still, just having them improve physically won't help them._ The cold voice said in distain.

_What? Why?_ The childish voice asked in interest.

_To have an effective shinobi, one must be able to think. The true essence of a shinobi includes espionage, sabotage, infiltration, and assassination, as well as open combat in certain situations._

_And art. _Both Deidara and his childish side replied in union.

_Yes, and art. But we need these children to think; otherwise they'll die before they become Genin._

_But what do we teach them?_

_Why not something small? Like the importance of stealth? Naruto probably needs that the most._

_Good point._ Deidara remembered that bright, painfully loud neon red and yellow outfit Naruto had wanted to buy. It practically said:

'Hit me, my enemies! Please kill me. Kami, I look like a huge-arse target in this get up'.

Well, at least it was a really annoying color like orange.

"Alrighty! Get in a circle! We're going to be doing class now!"

"Eh? What for?" Naruto whined, having no love for lectures.

"Because I refuse to teach you guy's anything else unless you listen to my homily. Now shut up and sit."

And with that the Class of Art…and other important stuff began.

* * *

"At first, I thought those classes were really worthless. But when he made us start putting them into practice they proved to be not only useful, but fun." Sasuke said, Hana nodding for him to continue.

"I won't forget the day he taught about extortion, mostly because I got eaten by a hall monitor…"

_It was the second week into the lectures, and each child seemed to have gleaned a nugget of wisdom from them._

_Today's subject was about Extortion, something Sasuke had found to be pretty stupid._

_What kind of ninja caved under black mailing? Was it really as effective as Deidara-nii-san said?_

_Sasuke had wandered home after that particular subject, joggling a couple of apples along the way as he sung a rather inappropriate song called 'The Good Venus' he had learned from Naruto._

_Bypassing some relatives along the way, Sasuke nearly dropped his joggling as he heard the not-so quiet whispers._

_"What is he doing?"_

_"Kami, you'd think Fugaku and Mikoto would train him better!"_

_"I'd have disowned him had he been mine."_

_"It's a shame he isn't a genius like Itachi."_

_"So tacky."_

_"What is he singing?"_

_"At least he isn't as bad as Obito was."_

_"Why can't he be more like Itachi?"_

_"He's no Itachi."_

_Dropping one of the apples Sasuke ran home, clearly upset._

_Why, oh why did they always have to compare him to his brother?_

_Marching in his home, Sasuke threw off his shoes before wandering into the kitchen where his mother was._

_Sasuke sat, looking at his remaining apples quietly while Mikoto set about doing lunch. For what seemed like the dozenth time, she turned and looked at Sasuke over her shoulder. Sasuke was always a bit quieter at home but he never just remained silent for long periods of time._

_She could tell something was bothering him badly and to see her normally bubbly boy so despot made her want to cuddle him and neuter all those responsible for making him sad. Just as she went to turn around and ask her son exactly what was wrong, he finally opened his mouth._

_"Kaa-san," he said softly. She paused and blinked, but did nothing except turn from her cooking to let him know he had her attention. "Why did everyone want me to be just like Itachi?"_

_Mikoto raised her eyebrows in mild surprise. Was that what had been bothering him all morning? And here she was worried he found something terrible like how babies were made, or that Itachi was on drugs or something. Speaking of which, she was due on looking through her sons things to make sure Sasuke always remained her sweet innocent baby and that Itachi didn't fall for the evil's that that teens could get into._

_She was a loving mother who looked after her precious babies after all, even if it cost them their privacy._

_"What brought this up dear heart?" she asked as she reached for a towel to wipe her hands on._

_"The other clan men." Sasuke sighed before continuing. "It's like they expected me to be an exact copy of Aniki! Do they expect me to replace him if he ever dies?"_

_Understanding clicked in Mikoto's mind, a slow smile filtering on. "Itachi is Itachi and Sasuke is Sasuke." she said softly, and walked over the to sit next to him._

_"Then why?" Sasuke asked, his voice rising in frustration. "Why does everyone expect me to be just like him?"_

_A thoughtful look passed over Mikoto's face. "Well, Itachi the eldest of the clan head's sons and will become leader one day, and if something happens to your brother then you will be next to inherit the title. That's also why your father may seem like he spends more attention on him."_

_"If anything bad does happen to Aniki," Sasuke said slowly, realizing how horrible something like that would really be, "then I would have to lead the clan?"_

_Mikoto laughed and stood up, ruffling her son's hair as she did so. "Yes you would, sweet heart."_

_"Does that mean I can hand it over to Shisui so that he can turn it into a red light district?"_

His innocence! His innocence!_ Mikoto thought rapidly before smiling again. "That's never going to happen dear. Let me tell you a secret." She grinned and leaned down towards Sasuke, gesturing for him to lean in more. "When it's just your father and me here, he only talks about you, and how wonderfully different you are from your brother and how he envisions your lead in the event that anything bad happens to Itachi."_

He doesn't need to know that Fugaku dreads such a thing ever happening, does he?_ In all honesty, it was something of a nightmare for Fugaku to see Sasuke becoming clan leader, seeing how the boy was already showing signs of being the next Obito._

_This nightmare was only out done by the terrifying concept that Shisui could run the clan instead._

_"But it never in a positive tone, right?"_

Okay, so maybe he is more observant then I thought.

_"Sasuke-"_

_Before she could try and comfort him anymore, a clan member knocked at the door._

_"Why don't you go play with your toys, okay? Just be back by dinner." Mikoto said before walking off to greet the messenger._

_Unbeknownst to her though, Sasuke had taken that as a yes._

_Sasuke sighed sadly before going back outside and heading for the compound exit. He knew he really wasn't supposed to be out right now, what with the terrorist attack and all but he felt constricted in this place, as though it was trying to squeeze the air out of him._

_How could he possibly get to Itachi's level if Itachi was hailed as an unprecedented shinobi of their generation?_

_Maybe he should talk to Deidara-nii-san. He always seemed to know what to do, and nearly always had good advice. Maybe he could help him reach Itachi's level?_

_It took him a few hours to find the Uzumaki apartment. He had only been there a few times so he was quite happy with himself when he managed to remember how to get there in only three tries._

_Sasuke was finally on their floor when he came face-to-snout with an off-white deformed creature. He hadn't even the time to scream before the thing ate him whole._

_Panicking, Sasuke thrashed around screaming. He barely heard the groan of disbelief from outside the creature before he was spat out, surprisingly dry though he was covered in something earthy-feeling._

_Standing not far from him was Deidara, in his usual attire of grey pants, blue hoari, white sash, standard toeless boots and his hair up in a messy bun with one eye covered by a long bang, a frown marring his face._

_"N-nii-san! There's a monster in the hallway!"_

_"No there isn't. That's my hall monitor, un."_

_Sasuke blinked before looking back at the creature. It had hollowed holes for eyes, a pig snout, and small front legs while it stood on hind legs that resembled frogs._

_"Your hall monitor…tried to eat me."_

_"Nay, it can't eat. No stomach. It was just trapping you till I could deal with ya. Now do you have a reason for being here, because if you don't I'll just let it swallow you again and spit you out over the roof tops." The blonde said, sitting down on a stair step._

_Sasuke gulped, thinking maybe he shouldn't have come. _Oh well- too late.

_Sasuke very quickly told of his stature in the clan, explaining how everyone expected him to be just like Itachi. Finally he finished with,_

_"- and that's why I came here. I was hoping you could teach me to become a genius like Itachi."_

_Deidara stared at Sasuke from where he sat, giving him an unreadable stare. Finally after a moment which seemed like forever to Sasuke, Deidara spoke._

_"So you want me to help you obtain the unobtainable? Hell no."_

_Sasuke's heart sank at this but before he could ask why, Deidara spoke again._

_"Tell me, who are you doing this for? The clan? The village? The need to be accepted?" Seeing the stunned look on Sasuke's face, Deidara confirmed that it was option three._

_"So you want to be a genius so that the clan doesn't ostracize you and quits comparing you to your stick-ass brother. But all you're doing is burying the potential you already have with things that are just not you so you can please a bunch of old fart-bags."_

_Sasuke perked at this. "I have potential?"_

_"Yeah- you do. Granted, no where even close to my own, but you still have some. You just have to get that stupid complex outta your head."_

_"What complex?"_

_"Your 'I-must-become-Itachi' complex. It ain't healthy, and it stunts your capability. Seriously, why become a cheap mimicry of a genius when you can be your own version of talent?"_

_Deidara stood up, walking to the hall monitor. "Become your own ideal! Become an artist no one can replicate! Be the madman in the crowd of sanity! That way even if they ridicule you, you can laugh in their faces- not because you are different but because they are all the same!"_

_Deidara said this with glee, a grin on his face that quite frankly disturbed Sasuke. But his words struck a chord in him._

_Be something different? Be a genius, just not the sort Itachi is?_

_Sasuke thought about it quietly and the more he pondered on this, the more he liked the sound of it. Maybe this was just what he needed, to be a genius of a different kind._

_Smiling up at the strange blonde Sasuke spoke. "Can you tell me more about extortion?"_

_A week had passed since his conversation with Deidara, and Sasuke had been busy. He had duly ignored the other clan men, and spent as little time with his immediate family as possibly mainly because he was collecting data._

_This didn't stop his mother and brother from worrying, though Itachi had dragged him to see the doctor's once when he [Itachi] had offered to train Sasuke only to have the boy refuse, saying he didn't want it. Sasuke never knew how much that freaked Itachi out._

_But finally after a whole week of spying and sneaking around with a camera he had bought with his allowance, Sasuke decided now was the time to strike._

_He walked leisurely to his target, looking bored though inside he was nervous as hell because if this failed he was not just going to be in a whole lot of trouble but the target would be after his blood._

_Finally he was close to the target. He raised his hand but stalled thanks to nervousness before pushing it away. It was now or never, a chance to nurture his potential or let it die._

_He tapped Shisui's shoulder._

_The teen already knew he was there but had been content in ignoring him. But now that Sasuke was persistently tapping him the older boy turned to glare._

_"What do you want, squirt?"_

_Sasuke took a calming breath before fixing a smile on his face._

_"I want you to teach me how to do the Body Flicker."_

_Shisui gave him a disbelieving stare before breaking out into laughter. Sasuke waited patiently for him to stop._

_"Oh that's rich! You think I'll teach you? Just like that?" Shisui chortled._

_"No. I knew you wouldn't. That's why I have these." Sasuke said pleasantly, holding up some pictures._

_The laughter died as all color drained from Shisui's face. In Sasuke's hand was a picture of Shisui entering a love hotel with a pair of buxom Hyuuga sisters in his arms._

_With speed that would have rivaled Itachi, Shisui grabbed the picture and set it ablaze._

_"You can keep those. I have more." Sasuke said nicely._

_Shisui wondered if using his Sharingan on the little brat would be worth the months stay in the hospital, because if Itachi ever found out he would send him there._

_If he didn't outright murder him first._

_It was then that he noticed something; the brat was wearing goggles. Tinted goggles._

_Apparently he somehow knew that his Sharingan was a unique one, capable of mind control. Momentarily he wondered if Itachi had said something about it. Either way he begrudgingly did a mental applaud to the brat for thinking ahead like this._

_Sasuke was glad he was wearing goggles. During the lessons with Nii-san, he found that apparently he had a poor poker face because he had trouble keeping eye contact, making it easy for Deidara to turn the tables on him._

_Now though he looked as though he was completely in control, when no one knew just how scared he really was._

_Keeping his smile in place Sasuke spoke. "In the interest of keeping the Hyuuga clan from proclaiming a blood feud on the Uchiha clan and the aforementioned All-Seeing Eye clan from seeking your head or testicles, perhaps you could depart with your signature move?"_

"… with that, Shisui caved in. And with his surrender, I became more confident in my extortion skills, and took the first step at my own style of genius-hood." Sasuke ended his tale happily.

Hana stared at Sasuke, jaw unhinged and eyes bulged.

"You threatened to make a blood feud if he didn't hand over a technique?" Hana whispered, suddenly understanding why Shisui seemed to absolutely despise Sasuke so much.

"It was his own fault; he shouldn't go hobnob with the other clans like that."

The two continued on till they reach the Flighty Tart. Hana almost immediately turned face and walked off with Sasuke had the boy not shot forward, entering the building.

"I'm gonna kill Deidara." She growled. The blonde had failed to mention that this place was a pub with hookers.

Finding Sasuke again, Hana stopped next to him. "You mean to tell me Deidara-kun has been taking you kids here?"

"Every third week. But don't worry- they don't touch you unless you're Chunin rank or higher nor do they give anyone alcohol till you're the civilian age of eighteen!"

Sasuke's attention was drawn away from the Inuzuka at the sight of the other children dancing on the dance floor. Smiling he waved Hana goodbye before joining in.

"Man, those kids just keep going and going." Deidara said, about two tables over.

Angrily she marched over to him, glaring down.

"You are insane!" she yelled loudly, causing several to look over at them.

"I'm not insane. The voices in my head told me so." Deidara replied as he kept an eye on the kids, ignoring the two voices that were bickering in his head.

_I thought hearing voices was a sign of insanity._ The cold voice deadpanned.

_No it's not! It just means he has a mental illness._ The child one said helpfully.

Hana rolled her eyes before reaffixing the glare. "You took them to a frickin' pub!"

"If you haven't noticed, they are currently acting as spies, collecting info on everyone here. We included."

"How did you convince the owner to let them in?"

"He felt generous in the face of innocent children."

"…you threatened the poor guy, didn't you? Wait, this is another training method?" Hana said in disbelief.

"Duh. I didn't take them here to get drunk. Now shut up, their playing one of my favorites."

Apparently it wasn't just his favorite as shown when the children broke out into song in tune with the band.

'Tis half past three and the chill is gone

This is the longest binge I've ever been on

I've had so many pints my minds stupefied

But through all the haze I still hear them cry

Drink mother(BLEEP)er

Drink mother(BLEEP)er

Drink!

A curse to you lad a curse on your head

Drinking pint after pint until I am dead

I just keep drinking and I don't know why

But tonight is the night that I drink till I die!

Its quarter to five and I'm still going strong

Is this the only place I truly belong?

To make it all then by the good lord beseech

Lying on the floor with my drink out of reach

Drink mother(BLEEP)er

Drink mother(BLEEP)er

Drink!

A curse to you lad a curse on your head

Drinking pint after pint until I am dead

I just keep drinking and I don't know why

But tonight is the night that I drink till I die!

'Tis six in the morning can't remember my name

I see all the faces they all look the same

And the puke on the floor makes a terrible stink

What is this demon that makes me want to drink?

Drink mother(BLEEP)er

Drink mother(BLEEP)er

Drink!

A curse to you lad a curse on your head

Drinking pint after pint until I am dead

I just keep drinking and I don't know why

But tonight is the night that I drink till I die!

Drink mother(BLEEP)er

Drink mother(BLEEP)er

Drink!

Drink mother(BLEEP)er

Drink mother(BLEEP)er

Drink!

Drink mother(BLEEP)er

Drink mother(BLEEP)er

Drink!

A curse to you lad a curse on your head

Drinking pint after pint until I am dead

I just keep drinking and I don't know why

But tonight is the night that I drink till I die!

It's now almost noon and the spinning has stopped

There will be no more drink to the floor I do drop

And there's ole Nick offering eternal pain

He smiles as he sings this infernal reappraise

Drink mother(BLEEP)er

Drink mother(BLEEP)er

Drink!

A curse to you lad a curse on your head

Drinking pint after pint until I am dead

I just keep drinking and I don't know why

But tonight is the night that I drink till I die!

A curse to you lad a curse on your head

Drinking pint after pint until I am dead

I just keep drinking and I don't know why

But tonight is the night that I drink till I die!

Drink mother(BLEEP)er

Drink mother(BLEEP)er

Drink!

Hana just stared at the crew of small children who had just sung the most horrible song she had ever heard, with gusto.

"Huh. They've gotten better at singing it, un."

Deidara was startled when he found Hana in front of him, hands on his haori's collar as she shook him like a maraca.

"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?"

"H-Hana-kun, please stop. I still hurt." Deidara whispered, pain shooting through him. The angry Genin ignored his request, shaking him even harder.

_Gotta stop her…before she sends…me back to the hospital…_

In a move that, in hindsight should have never been pulled due to the outcomes that would later haunt him, Deidara jolting forward kissing Hana on the cheek. The girl froze momentarily before jerking back, letting Deidara go. Her face was a bright a pink, blushing as she sputtered nonsensical things.

Fixing his collar, Deidara cleared his throat before smirking at the shell shocked Inuzuka. "You know, you're very pretty when you have your breath taken away, un."

This only made the blush deepen, Hana looking away from the boy. She had never been called pretty before (Shisui and Sasuke did not count, one was a child and the other was a player) so she had no idea how to appropriately respond to this.

It didn't help that it came from her best friend who, despite his girly looks, had the making of becoming a very handsome man when he got older.

An image of Deidara in five years suddenly flashed in her mind, a devilishly handsome fellow with a cocky grin on his face, his hair longer and held up in a topknot ponytail dressed as an ANBU.

The image only furthers the blushing, forcing her to look away. "Let's get the kids." She gritted out, marching away. Deidara shrugged, getting up.

"Oi! Brats! We're going! Un!"

The children were quick to assemble, all grinning at the info gathering and fun time they had.

"Okay, we'll be going to the Yamanaka's. As we go, I want you all to tell me what you found during our game of 'I Spy'. We're going by alphabetical order so new kid- Akimichi, your first."

The plump boy, Chouji, shyly told of what he had spotted. Soon each child told of what they had spotted or what they thought had any significance and why they thought that.

They had barely reached the flower shop when they were found by a frantic Iruka.

"Oh thank kami! I thought I lost you!"

"Well you didn't. Nii-san just wanted to make you sweat. Yeah."

Hana and Iruka both shot the blonde an evil look.

_Deidara is such an arse._ Hana thought.

_That boy has made a pact with the devil to destroy me, hasn't he?_ Iruka thought.

* * *

The song 'Drink Till I Die' was made by the band Poxy Boggards and censored by me. I love them, they have such great pub songs.

* * *

OMAKE: Bad romance

* * *

Shisui stared at the stand in front of him, thinking that this was the stupidest idea ever.

"Seriously? You're selling art?" Okay, art was not a good way to describe those. It looked more like they let a drunkard have a kunai who tried to carve kami only knows what into it.

"Yup! I personally believe that if we were to get a benefactor, we'd be booming." Naruto stated happily.

"You want to be our benefactor?" Sakura asked, holding out a pen and paper.

"Are you stupid? I am not-"

Strangely enough Sasuke interrupted his cousin by song. "Rah rah ah-ah-ah! Ro mah ro-mah-mah Gaga Ooh-la-la! Want your bad romance! Rah rah ah-"

"-going to leave things as it is! I'll be your benefactor!" Shisui said, completely changing his tune as he had lost quite a bit of color to his face hearing Sasuke sing and with such a malicious smile too.

_I really hate that kid. _He thought, signing the paper.

* * *

And credit to Anne Camp aka Obi-quiet for allowing me to use her ideas!

Review!

PD


	25. Blending the weeks

**My Wish Order Brother**

Author: PiperDreamer

Rating: Rated: M

Genre: General, AU

edited: 04/24/12

* * *

Chapter 25: Blending the weeks

* * *

Deidara looked at the building in front of him, approving what he saw.

Due to the recent burned apartment from a week ago the Hokage had given Naruto and him a new home. It was a cozy cottage with four bedrooms, two bathrooms, a laundry room, storage room, and living room with an open aired kitchen.

Naruto was practically bouncing with joy at having a real house to call home, already stocked with food and furnishings.

"Go unpack, Naruto." Deidara said as he looked around his new home, checking to see if the appliances worked. So far they had electricity and running water.

"Which room's mine, yeah?" Naruto said as he came back from his exploration of the backyard.

"Pick one."

"You mean I get to call first dibs?"

"Sure."

"Yes!" Naruto said excitably, running off to pick his room.

"That was nice of you." Iruka said, smiling in an almost fatherly manner. Early on Deidara had decided that Iruka was trustworthy enough to be left with Naruto, putting him on Deidara's rather short list of Do-Not-Kill-Unless-You-Can-Get-Away-Without-Naruto-Knowing-About-It.

"What's so nice about that? I let him pick a room so that I know which one to barge into if he screws something up, un." Deidara said nonchalantly.

"Erm.." Was all Iruka could say, it was times like these he wondered what sort of childhood Deidara had.

He honestly seemed confused about normal things any child should know, while being surprised when kids his age didn't know the things he considered common knowledge. Not to mention Deidara had a strange knack for turning everyday chores and games into a training gimmick.

Yesterday, Ino and Sakura had wanted to play dress up, much to the boys (and Tenten's) disgust. Deidara had told them to play along though and when the rather horrified bunch asked why they would even want to, Deidara gave a long speech on the skill of disguise. He explained how ninja shouldn't be dependent on the Henge or illusions because they could be detected and dispelled, thus the need to learn how to cover up themselves was necessary.

He then told the kids to pick a disguise and write it down on a piece of paper. They were to put it in a cup afterward, lining up to randomly pull a piece of paper out, and disguise themselves as whatever was on the paper.

Iruka swore that the Uchiha prodigy had been quite ready to murder Deidara on the spot when his little brother had come home dressed up and acting as someone called 'Cousin Amesha'.

Beyond that, the children had a fun time (though some of the boys had dressed up as girls) and had learned a rather useful tactic. Iruka had found himself quite impressed with some of the training regiments and jotted down notes.

"Hey Umino, what are your plans today?" Deidara asked as he searched through the kitchen cupboard to take stock of what they had.

"I was planning to help you guys with the move." Iruka said, opening a small box that was full of Naruto's knickknacks.

"I don't have much, so could you help Naruto? Kid can't organize to save his life." Deidara asked, approving the faculties of his new home.

Iruka smiled, agreeing. He walked down the hall and soon found Naruto's room- not that it was hard to find. Naruto had put a huge sign on the door that bore his name in bright, bold orange kanji.

Iruka looked in and watched as Naruto haphazardly tossed various items about in childish excitement.

Sensing eyes on him, Naruto looked and grinned.

"Where do you think I should put my pictures?" the blonde asked.

Iruka moved forward till he was next to Naruto, crouching next to him. Naruto held a small stack in his hands, holding them up for Iruka to see.

The first two pictures were when Naruto was just an infant- one in a crib while in the other he was sleeping peacefully in the arms of the smiling Sandaime Hokage. The next picture was a four or five-year-old Naruto, smiling brightly at the camera as he sat next to the Hokage eating ramen. The rest were newer, having his friends in them all looking happy. It made Iruka sad to see so few pictures. In fact, something was bothering him…

"Why don't you have a picture of Deidara-kun?"

The smile disappeared from Naruto's face. "I…I don't know." He said slowly, looking as though he had just discovered something horrible, and to the blonde boy it was. He had pictures of friends but not his own family?

Standing up Naruto rushed out of the room to find Deidara so he could rectify the problem. "Nii-san!"

Deidara, who had been kneeling in front of a cupboard, suddenly slammed the door shut.

"No! We do not have chocolate, un!" the older boy said quickly, gulping down the evidence.

"Nii-san, I don't have a picture of you!" Naruto said, sounding distressed.

Deidara blinked. "Oh. Is that all?"

"Brother! I need a picture of you!"

"Um, why?"

"Because I don't have one! When I'm old and gray, how can I recall our childhood if I don't have a photograph to help me go back in time?"

Deidara blinked. Normally if anyone needed his picture it was for legal documents or updating his Shinobi passports. Nobody ever wanted his mug shot merely for reminiscing purposes. He momentarily thought of giving Naruto a recent picture but shot that idea down. His most recent photo had been his Jounin photo, and if he could help it, he was never going to tell about that skeleton in his closest. Not to mention he was not going to explain why he had a Iwa-headband.

"Sorry Naruto, I don't have a picture of myself."

The boy look dejected for a moment before cheering up. "Then can we ask Sasuke to take a picture? Maybe we can have one with just us in it!"

Deidara smiled, ruffling Naruto's hair. "Sure brat. Now go finish putting your things away."

"Eww! You got drool in my hair! That's gross!" Naruto whined, but didn't look at all upset about the saliva in his hair.

"As your older brother, it's my right to gross you out and to mess with your head for my own amusement. Now scat."

As soon as Naruto left, Deidara made his way to the room across from Naruto's, a perturbed look on his face. The room was barren white with no windows or furniture besides a trash can and a wooden desk. He shut the door behind him, looking conflicted over what Naruto had requested.

Pictures had only ever served as identification and painful recollections for Deidara. But having pictures was normal right? Normal kids kept pictures to recall happier times, yet the pictures he had never made him feel happy. Anger or sadness? Yes. Happiness? No.

Taking out a scroll he made a slight cut into his thumb, smearing the small trickle of blood onto the scroll. A dull poof was heard accompanied by smoke that soon cleared. He honestly didn't own much: three sets of clothing, several pouches of weapons, a spool of wire, four rations bars, his old Iwa headband, the _Nihilist Recipe Book and Bedlam Brilliance_, and a faded tattered booklet.

Picking the booklet up, Deidara fought off the painful nostalgia he felt.

He held the frayed paperback up, the faded words _Happy Times_ could be made out on the cover. Gently opening the book, Deidara was greeted by old worn pictures. There was only eight in all, from the last five or six years.

He honestly didn't know why he kept them. They all caused heartache and sadness. Maybe he just wanted to have something to look back upon.

_Destroy them, then. They link you to a past you just want to disappear. Isn't that why you don't want anyone to know the truth? Besides, how would Naruto react, knowing your real past?_ The cold voice said, sounding bitterly cruel.

Deidara pondered this. Why not destroy them? He'd practically rewritten his whole life anyway! How many could say they had created a new life, got a new family, and suffered little to no repercussions?

Without really thinking Deidara grabbed his metal trashcan, threw in the headband and set it ablaze. One by one he tossed in the pictures- his first day at the Iwa Institute, his horrible old Genin team, his Chunin photo, a photo of him and his scariest but most endearing fiancée Tayuya, him and his old uncle, his Jounin photo and with his cousin, Kurotsuchi. He watched in detached interest as the faces of those people burned, turning to ash. The last picture though never left his hand.

It was his favorite and most cherished photo, having been taken a month before his clan's demise, time having worn the paper to a yellowish hue. In it was his father in casual garb, his normally stoic face for once bearing a smile and his eyes warm, one hand resting on Deidara's shoulder. His mother wore a bright grin on her lovely freckled face, donned in a green sun dress with pure happiness radiating off her. A four-year-old Deidara stood in the middle, smiling happily and looking so proud of his family.

Conflicting emotions flashed across his eyes. All he had to do was throw it in- throw it in with the rest of the links to his past and it would be gone, yet he couldn't bring himself to do it.

_Why do you hesitate?_ Questioned the cold voice.

_Because that's the last reminder of Mom and Dad._ The childish voice said, sounding oddly somber. _If we burn that, then all they'll become is a figment of our demented imagination. They would have no place in our perfect little world._

_A world founded on lies. _Deidara hissed at them.

_So? What do you think politics are? They lie and cheat to keep the status quo or to make things better in the bigger picture. We're no better by creating a world where we're a normal boy, working a job and raising a little brother. By destroying that, we'd be much closer to making those lies harder to distinguish from the truths._

_But can't we keep this picture? I don't want to forget them! And besides, Naruto doesn't know what they look like! Can you really deprive him of seeing what our parents looked like?_ The childish voice cried.

A knock on the door was heard, forcing Deidara out of his mental argument. Quickly he placed the last picture in his desk before answering the increasingly frantic knocking.

"What?" He snapped as he opened the door.

"Deidara-kun! Why is there smoke billowing from your door?"

"I was suffering from withdrawal. Do you have anything thing else I can burn? If I don't get my weekly pyromania out of my system I tend to go for buildings and I don't think the Hokage would be happy to hear that I set your apartment on fire for the hell of it, un."

Iruka glared at the young boy as he dosed the fire out, lecturing him the whole way about being a bad role model to Naruto, which ticked Deidara off. He was a great model for Naruto! How dare he think otherwise! Before he could rebuke Iruka's claim, Naruto's voice was heard.

"Brother?" Naruto called from the front door.

"Yeah, un?"

"Why is there a box sitting on the front steps?"

* * *

Yukika stared ahead at the doors in an emotionless manner, following Fū into the undercroft of Konoha.

"You're late," Danzo remarked as soon as he and Yukika were alone in the small circular room with bare walls. The only furniture in the room was two stone chairs they were sitting in and a small wooden table that lay between them.

"You were supposed to report nearly a week ago. I am not fond of delay." The old man replied gruffly.

Yukika bowed her head, eyes blank. "I apologize. I would not have postponed our meeting were it not critically important."

"And what is it that was so critically important?"

Yukika paused as she tilted her head slightly, softly said, "I have discovered a leak in your system. There are traitors in your midst."

Danzo absorbed the information in silence for a moment. "I trust you have some sort of proof," he said at last, a hint of disbelief already in his voice, "or at least a source for this information."

"I would not have brought it up if I wasn't sure and didn't have proof, Danzo-sama. My associates are holding your proof in one of our containment rooms. We caught a ROOT messenger during our scouting, heading from the Uchiha clan to an organization called Akatsuki. Whenever you like, we will gladly turn the rogue ROOT member and all of the information we collected from him over to your torture specialists so you can substantiate our findings."

"And what findings do you believe we will discover when we inspect this so-called traitor?"

"It would appear that the Uchiha are planning a coup on the Daimiyo and wish to establish an alliance with this organization."

"But why this group?"

"My acquaintances have reported that this group consists entirely of S-class missing-nin. My good friends Orochimaru and Sasori are part of said group. To convince the Akatsuki of their aptitude, they offered evidence of their abilities by turning Konoha into a crater by means of a so-called terrorist attack, and to destroy our village from the inside out. This would explain the attack on the civilian bank and the census office."

"You mean the Uchiha Clan is behind these attacks?"

"So it would seem, Sir."

"And what do you think of this?"

"I think it is possible that members of ROOT are part of this, acting as shields. It would explain why no one till recently have been able to find clues to these attacks."

Danzo grimaced. "The idea that any of my men are capable of even an ounce of disloyalty does not seem plausible. As for the Uchiha clan- they may have a less then immaculate history but I find it difficult to believe they would try anything of this magnitude. Until we have inspected this messenger, I will treat this information as nothing more than a prospect of events."

"Understood, Sir."

Yukika walked over to the hospital to start her shift, her face blanker then a slate but her eyes practically glowing with malicious intent from behind its snowy curtain.

She hadn't wanted to convince Danzo to start executing his men or to proclaim a genocide order on the Uchiha clan, only to put the suggestion in his head. He was already paranoid, so planting an idea like that was perfect.

The Uchiha Clan had a notorious history thanks to its ancestor Madara, and was suspected behind the Kyuubi's attack. This 'coup' would keep the old war hawk's eyes fixed on the Uchiha's activities while he was busy flushing out any potential traitors within his own ranks.

Taking a detour, Yukika soon found herself in a back alley. "You can come out now." She said quietly.

A figure stepped out, ANBU mask showing his stature.

"Hello, Hyō-san." She greeted the ROOT member, fixing the strap on her bag.

"Do you need something, Haruno-san?"

She smiled sardonically. "The Collection Agency needs assistance."

Before he could even reply, Yukika finished her hand seals, whispering, "Sennō Sōsa no Jutsu."

The man froze, and Yukika almost laughed when he doubled over, panting harshly. She'd have to thank Sasori the next time she saw him for teaching her this lovely little trick.

Soon he was standing straight again.

"What does the Agency need of me?" The sleeper agent said.

Yukika smiled in a platonic manner.

* * *

Deidara read over the latest reports, viewing Yukika's handiwork with a critical eye and found himself begrudgingly impressed. Even though that lady was a demonic bitch of a whore, she was definitely not the kind of person whose bad side you wanted to be on.

Somehow in the course of two weeks, she had slowly begun to draw the attention of Konoha onto members of both the ANBU and of the council.

That sort of control told him that she had people in the higher up chain of command, and spies planted in various places. This made him wonder- if she had spies in the heart of Konoha as well as neighboring towns, had she known about his arrival on the day he came? And if so, what was to gain by letting him loose on Konoha? Or better yet, why would she endure abuse from a talentless moron like Damasu? What had she to gain from allowing that?

Deciding to ask her the next time he saw her, Deidara shuffled through the rest of the report before placing it onto its correct stack. Taro was on the other side of the desk finishing his section as the Hokage wrote down on the last bit.

Naruto was with Umino so he had nothing to worry about. The Chunin proved to be a very good influence for the young blonde and held no ill will towards him, which was a plus in Deidara's books.

A lot had happened in the course of the two weeks. He and Naruto had been going to the doctor's every Monday and Friday to make sure the demons chakra was just healing and not anything else, though they had told them that it was to ensure that the boys weren't suffering any permanent damages from the school incident.

Deidara had resigned from the Inuzuka compound. Though Hana and Kiba were surprised and saddened by this, it was understandable. While she may care deeply about them now, Tsume and Deidara still didn't get along.

Deidara made it clear he saw her as a macho she-man hag and Tsume was convinced that he was the real devil spawn and that poor Naruto was the innocent bystander in all of this.

Thanks to the terrorist threat and the near release of Kyuubi, the majority of the civilians had been too frightened to properly try anything and due to the lockdown trade was being carefully monitored and handled by trustworthy Jounins who made sure the supplies entered through while the traders did not. This caused the civilians to feel as though they were imprisoned in their own homes and refused to work, making employment nearly impossible thus furthering the decline in the economy.

The sooner Yukika fixed the whole terrorist crisis, the sooner trade could be allowed to be reestablished and jobs could reemerge. If the civilians didn't leave first that is.

The civilians needed the shinobi's for protection and to keep the law upheld while the shinobi needed the civilian to keep the trade going and to keep the missions flowing. It was a virtual yin and yang. You needed them both to work in harmony to get the village to function correctly.

Deidara found it funny how he had taken away one asset and the whole village had practically crumbled under chaos.

Yup, this was a clear cut case of cause and effect.

Finishing the pile before him Deidara stretched out, popping his back in several places. Taking in the state of the desk Deidara was pleased to see only a small stack left and that was to be signed by the Hokage.

"Well Hokage-sama, I'm off for the day."

"Say hi to Naruto for me, will you Deidara-kun?" Sarutobi said kindly, though he looked quite ready to light the remaining pile on fire.

Nodding his goodbyes to Taro the young boy left, humming the Good Ship Venus as he meandered back to the cottage.

Deidara yawned, placing his hand behind his head as he walked ahead. Soon he would be back home, pick up Naruto and his minder and be over at the Inuzuka compound for dinner. He found it a little disconcerting on just how unnaturally silent it was, but considering that most people were probably hiding in their own floorboards in case of another terrorist attack he wasn't entirely surprised.

There hadn't been a single attack since the Census office had gone up in smokes, and everyone had taken this time of total lapse as a sign of the 'calm before the storm'. He personally would have loved to blow something up again but thanks to the Hokage, he was under watch nearly 24/7.

He had decided to take the scenic route home which lead through the hot springs, enjoying the fresh air. Thanks to the still active threat of the terrorist, only kunoichi and seasoned shinobi still dared to go here.

_Hmm, maybe I should take Naruto here. He'd love that, plus I'd get to see if I can get water walking back under control._ Deidara thought, plotting out another training idea. He'd have to wait till the Hokage stopped having the ANBU watch him nonstop, but hopefully that would end with the fall of the 'terrorist'.

His inner musings were cut short when he heard the perverse giggling of a man. Looking over to his right he saw that there was a man crouched by the large wooden fence that surrounded the female side of the baths. Deidara could make out he was wearing a white gi with a large sleeveless red overcoat. His stark white spiky hair was tied at the base of his neck and the rest must have almost reached the floor. He appeared to be carrying a rather large scroll on his back as well.

_A pervert!_ Deidara glared clenching his fist. Memories of the council back in Iwa filled his head as well as accursed orange books flashing before his eyes, a low growl escaping him. Deidara made his mind up and decided to ruin this guy's day.

He approached the giggling pervert calmly, with no hint of violence, and stopped to stand behind him.

"Excuse me, but what are you doing, un?" Deidara asked in a sickly sweetly voice that should have given the stranger warning bells.

The man stopped giggling and slowly turned his face to him. Deidara noted he wore a stylized forehead protector with the kanji for 'oil' and had two red markings running down his face from under his eyes. The man looked at him and sighed in relief.

"Oh, it's just a little girl." He stated and returned to peeping. Deidara felt his eye twitch in annoyance. Again with the girl comment!

Deidara pushed the guys face out of the way and glanced through the hole. Yep, the guy was definitely peeping. Deidara recognized at least twelve of those women, most Jounin level with a few Chunin. Deidara found himself pushed back and he nearly fell over.

"Hey, you pervert! What are- mhhhmmpt!" Deidara growled.

"Sssshhh!" The man hissed, a finger in front of his face as he put his other hand against Deidara's lips to silence him. "Do you want to get me caught?"

Deidara slapped the man's hand away and answered. "Yeah, I do!"

The man glared at him annoyed. "Foolish child! Do you know who I am?"

"A freakin' pervert!"

The man's eye twitched before he posed before Deidara. "I am Mt. Myobokugama's holy master Sannin also know as the Toad Sennin! Remember it!"

"You're still just a pervert." Deidara stated unimpressed.

"I'm not just a pervert…" Toad Sannin stated angrily. "I'm a SUPER PERVERT! Muaheheheheh!" He pulled a creepy face and held his hands up with his fingers wiggling suggestively.

Deidara was actually repulsed enough to step back from the man. _Creepazoid! Serious Creepazoid!_

"Now I must return to my research. Run along and play little girl. You're too young for me. Come back in a few years." The Toad Sannin said returning to his peeping.

Deidara glared before an evil grin found its way to his face. Taking off his haori to show his crop top, Deidara pulled his hair up into two pony tails but yanked the left one half out. Then he messed with his shirt, making it look as though it had nearly been pulled off.

Then he got into position next to the pervert. Taking a deep breath Deidara let out a high pitched scream.

The Sannin turned around quickly to silence him, unknowingly falling right into Deidara's trap. The boy latched onto the man's wrist, and started screaming even louder.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHH! HELP ME! HELP ME!" The boy wailed in the girlish voice he had, which wasn't hard seeing how he was ten.

Deidara, thrashing around while still gripping the man's wrist, cried out, "SOMEBODY HELP ME! HE SAID HE WANTS TO DO THINGS TO ME! WAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

"Shut up you brat!" The man hissed as he tried to remove his hands.

Suddenly the temperature dropped drastically, and the icily cold hand of death gripped his heart. Turning to the side he found the women he had been peeping practically radiating with pure killer intent as it dawned on him just what this looked like, and with what the kid was screaming out loud it made it ten times worse.

Deidara yanked away from him, running to one of the few fully dressed women as tears fell down his face.

"Oh thank goodness you came! I was so scared that he-he would have…" Deidara trailed off before sobbing into the lady's torso. The lady he chose, hugged him reassuringly, her eyes a crimson color that practically glowed with malice as she glared at the white haired man.

"How DARE you try to deflower this poor innocent child!" She boomed, holding Deidara away as though to shield him from the older man.

"When I get done with you, prison rape will look like a kami sent joy!" She snarled.

"Sorry Kurenai, but I'm pretty sure by the time we get done with him, the ANBU will have to put his remains in a matchbox!" Snarled a blonde woman, dressed only in a towel but was very much armed at the moment.

"N-now wait a minute!" The Sannin stuttered as the homicidal women began to advance.

"This is just a misunderstanding!" He tried as he held up his hands in defense, only to realize that somehow several pairs of bras and lingerie had ended up on his arms.

The Sannin swore that the kid had smirked evilly at him before 'sobbing' back onto the lady.

"Get the pedophile!" screamed one of the ladies, and soon the rest were charging at the man.

Deidara did a mental victory laugh as he watched the man scream like a little girl, running for his life as the swarm of death descended upon him.

_Another good deed to keep me outta hell._ He thought, face still buried deep in the chunin's bosom.

Meanwhile the two ANBU's following Deidara were torn between laughing, feeling pity, and being shocked that the boy had managed to make the legendary Jiraiya run like hell was after him (though in the man's defense, that boy had unleashed the righteous fury of no less than twenty women on him, which was compatible to a legion of bloodthirsty tailed demons) and made him look like a pedophile, which in all honesty was a thousand times worse than being known as a pervert.

Either way, when the Hokage read their reports, it ought to be amusing.

* * *

It took some time before Deidara managed to escape the ladies who were trying to comfort him. It wasn't like he could have just left after that, it would have been highly suspicious. After all was said and done though, Deidara had begged to see his 'Aunt' Kumiko which lead him to going to the Flower shop. Kumiko looked quite bemused at seeing Deidara pretending to be female though quickly became murderous when the lady named Kurenai told her of his 'molestation'.

When the ladies left he got hounded by a worried Kumiko who asked a million questions. He didn't think she would take kindly to know he had really just wanted to get somebody in trouble so he told her that the man had been drunk and come on to him, thinking he was some smoking hot bombshell.

Kumiko wanted to know just how wasted the man was to believe that Deidara, a ten year old boy, was a 'smoking hot bombshell'.

After laying her fears to rest, Deidara hurried back to the cottage grinning like a loon the whole way. He had barely stepped through the door when he got tackled to the floor.

"Nii-san! You're an hour late! What happened?" Naruto asked, worry lacing his words.

"Sorry bro, got held up at the office. Ready to go, un?"

"Yeah!" Naruto exclaimed, looking happy as could be.

"Come on then, you two. Oh, and Deidara-kun? There's another package." Iruka said, waiting outside. The older boy sighed.

Ever since they had moved here, they had been receiving anonymous parcels. The packages contained mostly quality clothing, large sums of money and good food. At first Deidara had been highly suspicious and reported this to the Hokage.

Much to Deidara's and the Hokage's surprise though, the packages were gifts from various councilmen and villagers. Apparently while some of them were paying homage to the boys out of fear, most were genuinely trying to make amends for the boys' past treatment, but due to fear of alienation from their colleagues didn't try to do so openly.

At first Deidara had been touched by this (not that he would ever admit to it), but after the twelfth package by the third day, Deidara's fridge was over packed and they had no place left to put the laundry. Needless to say his home was looking like a convenient store.

To rectify this, Deidara had donated most of the clothing and the overabundance of food to the orphans, though he kept the money. This had placed him and Naruto in the good graces of the majority of new caretakers who couldn't have been more thankful to have a solution to what had been a growing problem.

"Hey Iruka, give me a hand will you? We got five boxes to deliver and there's no way I'm hauling this to the Inuzuka's by myself." Deidara said, looking over at their recent blessing.

Iruka smiled at the boys before putting the boxes into a scroll, allowing them to finally leave. The trip was a pleasant one, with Naruto asking Iruka question after question about school.

"So is school really cancelled, yeah?" Naruto asked.

Iruka shrugged. "Not really but it has been put on hold till next week. The Aburame clan had offered their composite as an educational institute till they can rebuild a new school. Until then, the orphans have been moved to the Inuzuka compound."

"So Lee and Tenten will be there?"

"More than likely."

"Should we invite Sasuke then? He's funny when he's around Tenten." Naruto asked Deidara.

"Are you asking because we're near the Uchiha complex?" Deidara asked, amused.

"Maybeee…Oh no, it's the hag." Naruto muttered as disgust spread across his face.

Sure enough it was Amesha and her little posse just within the Uchiha complex. Due to the bombing, the clans had posted more guards at all building entrances, to serve as both a guardian and a look out. Right now the four guards were watching the two groups. They didn't get replaced for another three hours so watching this might prove entertaining.

"Why if it isn't Deidara-chan! What brings you here?" Amesha said, glaring at her 'rival'.

Deidara sighed. "I'm going to the Inuzuka's. Now go away."

"Oh? Are you sure you're not here to see my Itachi-kun?" Amesha accused.

"Why would I want to? He's a (BLEEP)ing pain in the _tuckus_."

The girls all gasped, looking at Deidara as though he was an alien.

"How dare you call Itachi-kun that!"

"What's wrong with you?"

"Take that back, skank!"

"What? It's true. He's a pain, and even if he wasn't I still wouldn't find him attractive for many reasons."

"Like what, Nii-san?" Naruto asked.

Many of the girls blinked when they heard 'Nii-san', looking back at Deidara and really, really taking a good look at him. The stationary guards looked amused, having already known Deidara's true gender.

"Well, the first and foremost reason, I don't swing that way." Deidara replied.

Many of the girl's jaws dropped as realization dawned upon them, having the decency to at least look embarrassed over making such a huge mistake.

Amesha though hadn't picked up on the not-so subtle hints on Deidara's gender and had continued to glare at him.

"What do you mean? Think you're too good for him?" she lashed.

Deidara fixed her with a hard stare. "I AM too good for him, or anyone. Truculent feelings are all I feel towards the Uchiha and I personally enjoy our current status quo- it's a beautiful state of mind to be living in."

Most of that had gone over Amesha's head, not that she showed it. She was an Uchiha after all, they were perfect! Flicking her hair she fixed him a pompous look.

"Yes, well what would you know about beauty? A beautiful flower such as I must be watered often!"

"Yeah, who knows? You might sprout a brain, un!" Deidara stated cheerfully. This caused the guards to snigger. Before Amesha could even screech at him, Deidara got tackled by a goggled blur.

"Danna!" Sasuke said happily, his goggles in front of his eyes. That worried Deidara- he only wore them in front of his eyes when he was about to blackmail someone.

"Quit calling me that. Why aren't you with your brother?"

"Aniki's out on a mission and won't be back till like, tomorrow. Can we play?" the boy said sweetly. Deidara smiled back grimly.

"Sure, why not? We're going to the Inuzuka's for dinner. Will you parents be okay with that?"

Sasuke gave a sour look. "They're on missions. Amesha's supposed to be watching me, but so far she's locked me into a closest," Amesha turned red, "and did weird things to me!" Amesha sputtered. "My butt still hurts from where she shoved that bottle up my-"

"I did no such thing!" she screeched, looking horrified as the guards shot her a deadly look.

"Not what these pictures say." Sasuke said producing pictures of Amehsa doing nasty things to him. Iruka looked ready to hurt her as did the guards. Deidara studied the pictures for a moment before showing them to Iruka, pointing something out in them that made Iruka blink in surprise.

"I swear I didn't do anything to him!" Amesha said desperately at seeing how the guards started to walk towards her.

"I could be inclined to destroy such incriminating photos if I were allowed to go, un-chaperoned, to the Inuzuka's. Can't guarantee the guards won't hurt you though."

Amesha, scared of the repercussions, agreed without question. Meanwhile, Iruka showed the pictures to the guards both looking surprised and shocked though one snorted back his laughter as they began to point out mistakes in the pictures.

When they got out of earshot, Deidara whacked Sasuke across the head.

"Ow! Why did you do that, Danna?"

"Don't call me that. I did it because you did a crappy job on the photo shop of these pictures. Had it been Shisui he would not have fallen for such amateur tricks."

"I can't believe you threatened to frame her for something she didn't do!" Iruka exclaimed.

"Hey, I only mostly lied. She really did lock me in a closest. I'm just glad Aniki taught us how to pick locks or I'd have been stuck in there!"

"Did you use a paperclip?" Naruto inquired.

"Nah. I filched one of my Kaa-san's hair pins, bent the heck outta it though."

Deidara sighed as Iruka muttered angrily under his breath.

Looking back at the pictures Sasuke asked, "Were they really that badly done?"

"Hell yeah! You're not even standing correctly in this one and in this picture you can obviously tell you've added yourself in here."

"Darn. I'd hoped they were better. Well, they are my first attempt at photo shopping so I can't say I have much practice in it." The boy mused, making note as to how to properly fix this.

"Well, can't be helped. Oh, by the way, when we get there round your little friends up. We'll be playing 'Finders Keepers."

Both Naruto and Sasuke hurrahed at that.

"Finders Keepers?" Iruka asked, looking confused about the game seeing how he didn't recall ever playing something called that.

Deidara grinned. "It's a game I made up that specializes in sleight of hand. You go around and pick pocket people, stealing things you can hide away in your clothing. If you get caught, you lose. Great training exercise!"

Iruka momentarily stared blankly at the grinning boy. Then he sighed, muttering under his breath, "And people wonder why I'm scared of the next generation…"

It didn't take long for the four to reach the compound. It looked vastly different thanks to the children running around playing.

"Deidara-sama!" Kiba yelled, running up to the older boy with a slight blush on his face. Hana followed not far behind with two other Genins, a couple of teens, and an adult.

Deidara neatly sidestepped the infatuated boy, giving a nasty look as he mouthed 'He STILL doesn't know?' to Hana who sheepishly shrugged.

"Kiba! Bugger off, Deidara doesn't like it when you do that! Yeah!"

"But I love Deidara-sama!"

Sasuke coughed, suspiciously sounding like 'bent kunai'.

"Kiba, Dei-kun just got here. Don't be a pest." Hana said before smiling nervously at the blonde staring balefully at her.

Turning to the two behind her Hana introduced her team. "These are my teammates- Mozuku and Ōkei."

The boys smiled, Mozuki was a chubby faced boy with dark hair and Ōkei was an older looking brunette with glasses.

Deidara gave a slight nod in acknowledgment before focusing on the rest of her entourage. Hana smiled as she introduced them.

"These two are Kei and Ame. They volunteered to help with the children. And the man behind them runs the orphanage, Director Haru."

"Nice ta meetcha!" Ame said brightly as she hugged Kei's arm, making it obvious they were an item.

"Pleasure to meet you, Uzumaki-kun. I'd like to personally thank you for those donations." Haru said, a thin gray-haired man with bags under his eyes.

Deidara grinned as Iruka handed the older man the scroll. "Never waste a blessing- you never know when it'll come back."

Haru chuckled at that. "Well said."

After the meet-n-greet Deidara was practically dragged all over the property by excited children.

After a quick game of Finder Keeper's (which led to finding Hana's underwear, Haru's stress medication and Tsume's credit card. Deidara pocketed that last one) Deidara told them to go play with the other kids that ran rampant. Once he was sure they were distracted and that Iruka was watching them he walked into the house.

As much as he loved Naruto, it felt like he was overdosing on his little brother when the boy was around his friends, seeing how they all seemed hell bent on getting his attention in one way or another.

Deidara entered the kitchen to escape the band of merry brats only to find Kiba and Hana in there. He sighed. He just couldn't escape any of them could he?

"What are you doing in here Dei-kun?"

"Trying to escape my mini-fanclub." The boy said dryly as he sat in a nearby seat. He frowned. What the heck was Hana trying to butcher on the counter?

Kiba momentarily ogled Deidara before turning to his sister.

"Nee-chan! Can we go out to eat?"

"No, Kiba."

"Aw, Sis! Why not?"

"Because I'm already fixing something for dinner."

"Yeah… I know."

Deidara let out a painful snort while trying to stop himself from laughing. Seeing the look Hana was giving her brother he decided to be nice and save the gender-confused child.

Standing up the blonde spoke with a grin, "Why don't you let me cook, Hana-kun? You can help your teammates keep the kids occupied till I'm done, un."

Hana gave Deidara a startled look. "Deidara-kun, I don't think that's a good idea!"

"What? Why not?"

"Well for starters, you're a guy. Every meal I ever ate that was made by a guy was gross."

There was a pregnant pause as Hana gave an apologetic smile, Deidara glared balefully and Kiba just blinked.

Finally Kiba broke the silence. "…Deidara-sama's a guy?"

"Hana, just because I'm male does NOT mean I can't cook!"

"Deidara-kun, please understand. I'm not trying to be mean, it's just that men aren't very good cooks."

"I'm practically a chef for Naruto who eats like the bottomless pit! I can cook."

"…Deidara-sama's a boy?"

"Yeah, and I'm sure you taught yourself too."

"Inuzuka Hana, quit being such a stereotypical-minded moron! Being a guy doesn't make me a bad cook! Are you afraid to eat my cooking because of bad experience, or are you just scared I'll end up a better cook then you?"

"What? No! It's just my experience says that most guys can't cook!"

"…Deidara-sama's male?"

"I think we established a while back that I'm not like most guys!"

"Fine! Go cook your meal! But when we all get hospitalized because of food poisoning, I'm blaming you!"

"Deidara-sama's a MAN?"

"Yes! I'm male!" Deidara yelled, angry at Hana.

Hana, glaring at the blonde, grabbed the still wide-eyed Kiba and marched out the door grumbling.

"Stupid traditional gender roles." Deidara muttered, pulling out a slab of meat he was going to need for the glazed ham and chestnuts. Writing down a long list of foods he would be cooking, the young boy marched down to where the donated fridges were being kept to collect his supplies. After fifteen minutes of looking he got all his ingredients, preparing to make the feast that would prove Hana wrong.

He had just placed everything down when a noise from the broom closest caught his attention.

Kunai in hand, the young blonde crept forward. Reaching the door Deidara placed his hand on the knob, preparing for anything as he jerked it open.

Or so he thought.

The two volunteer caretakers, Kei and Ame, were in a heated lip lock. Various clothing layered around them as their hands roamed freely and they continued their procreation dance in the broom closet unaware that they were being watched.

Deidara turned fifteen different shades of red, three of which didn't exist, as his eyes were glued to the couple. Everything in him was screaming to look away, to run, but it was like watching a train wreck. It was simply impossible to look away no matter how badly you wanted to. So for nearly five minutes poor Deidara was stuck watching, eyes not blinking as his face resembled a tomato and what was that warm stuff dripping out of his nose?

It wasn't till Kei started suckling Ame's breast and eliciting a throaty moan did Deidara finally find the strength to stop gawking, wipe his nose and promptly screech.

The couple's heads whip to the entrance, both shocked to see Deidara there sputtering and looking royally traumatized.

"Wh-wh-what's the matter with you two? There are kids running rampant around here! What if they had walked in on you instead?" Deidara yelled, shaking horribly.

Deidara yelled at the older volunteers, throwing every insult he knew at them and berating them for shirking their duties and giving him images that would haunt him forever. He should report them to Haru and Tsume and possibly even sick Sasuke on them.

The two practically begged him to keep a lid on it, paying him a lot of money to keep his silence (though Kei gave him a pack of coupons for Ichiraku's as a 'We're sorry. Please don't sue.' and a list of addresses to some therapists) and both gave a sigh of relief when Deidara accepted.

"Now just go. Please go." Deidara muttered pocketing his earnings. The two didn't need further prompting and were gone.

Slamming the door shut, Deidara walked back to the counter determined to forget everything that had just transpired as he picked up a knife to start cutting the meat.

A moment later Kei came back in and went to the closet. Deidara stared for a moment till he saw the man pull out a pair of briefs, stuff them into his coat pocket and walk back out, smiling apologetically.

Deidara slowly placed the knife back down, then walked to the wall next to the counter and promptly started to slam his head into the wall repeatedly, for a quite a while and with quite a bit of force behind it.

_Die brain, DIE!_ The three sides of Deidara screamed in unison.

This sight was what greeted Sasuke when he walked in.

"Danna! Why are you smacking your head into the wall?"

At first Deidara did not respond, but after eight more hard head banging's Deidara turned to the young Uchiha, blood trickling down his forehead but Sasuke wasn't really paying attention to that.

Deidara looked sick, having turned an off-green color. Tilting his head Sasuke quirked an eyebrow.

"What's wrong, Danna?" the blacked haired youth asked the sickly looking blonde.

Ignoring the annoying quirk the younger Uchiha had developed when talking to him, Deidara gave a strained smile. "Nothing, I just walked in on a couple baby-making."

"Baby-making? Doesn't the stork bring babies?"

"Pssshhhht- no. Baby's are the result of s-" Deidara stopped himself, mentally berating himself for nearly traumatizing the poor kid. It had been bad enough to know he was going to be forced into marrying ten (last he counted) girls from noblemen families, but learning about sex had scarred him to the point of self-imposed nonreligious celibacy and the forefront reason for murdering of half the Iwa council.

He probably wouldn't have killed so many or reacted so violently had the council not ordered him to read a little orange book titled Ichi Ichi Paradise so that he could 'broaden his horizons about the uses for his hands'. He felt his actions against the council had been justifiable, if not a bit extreme.

But he supposed it did serve a purpose in his life. Murdering the council had been part of the plan when he had sought out his parent's murderer.

Seeing the charcoal eyes staring up at him expectantly Deidara spoke his next words carefully.

"Babies are made from a traditional dance between a man and a woman. This dance is called the…Horizontal Tango…yeeeeah. Anyways, if the dance is done correctly the woman lays an egg that she carries in her belly like a kangaroo, because it's nice and warm in there. As time goes by, the egg turns into a sack that allows the baby to grow. Then nine months later the sack opens. You'll know this because the woman starts to…scream in utter joy from the sheer bliss of the experience. And voila, a baby appears…un." The boy said, trying not to look even more ill.

_That has got to be the WORSE explanation of sex I have ever heard._ The cold voice said.

_Here, here!_ The second voice commented.

_You want Uchiha hunting us down for scarring Sasuke, be my guest, un._

Sasuke stared at the older boy, looking surprised.

"Really? Then why do people say it's delivered by a stork?"

"Um, because that's a, uh, a… a synonym for doctor! Yes! The Stork is a nickname people give the doctor who helps deliver the babies from the sack! Un!" Deidara said nervously.

Sasuke blinked before smiling. "Oh! Kinda like when those baddies Tou-san locks up in the Uchiha prison cells call my family the Fuzz or when Naruto addresses the Hokage as geezer and old man!"

"Uh yeah, kinda."

Sasuke nodded happily before asking, "So if you and Aniki were to dance the Horizontal Tango, which one of you would be carrying the baby in your pouch?"

The blonde's face went blank and Deidara stared, unblinking at the younger boy who was staring at him in honest curiosity.

Deidara very calmly turned around and with renewed vigor began to smash his head into the wall, all awhile muttering with each bash, "Must(**BAM**) kill(**BAM**) brain(**BAM**) must(**BAM**) destroy(**BAM**) image…"

Deidara was now trying to cause some brain damage so he could hopefully lose the unwanted image Sasuke had unintentionally put into his mind forever. The traitorous brain needed to be taught a lesson. Now where was that saucepan?

"Um, Danna? You're really bleeding there, and- oh wow that's a lot of blood, um Tsume-oba-san's gonna wonder why that wall's so bloody and- Danna! Why are you hitting yourself with a skillet? !"

* * *

Kiba meanwhile looked as though somebody had kicked one of the family's puppies. Deidara-sama, the hottest girl he ever knew…was a guy.

He was still having trouble wrapping his head around that.

"Oy, Kiba! What's with the long face?" Naruto asked, catching their friend's attention.

The brunet sighed, twitting his thumbs. "I just found out Deidara-sama's a guy."

Naruto blinked once before straightening up, calling over his shoulder. "Hey guys! He finally got told!"

"'bout time!" Tenten called as Lee agreed.

Shikamaru and Choji chuckled.

Sakura stopped reading long enough to giggle.

Ino laughed before looking over to Lee. "So who won?"

The older boy pulled out a small booklet, flipping several pages. "Well let's see…Naruto does."

There was a collective groan.

"And apparently Shikamaru gets fifty percent of the winnings since he bet that Naruto was going to win."

"Naruto! We thought we told you not to bet!" Ino yelled.

After playing several games of Go Fish, War, and Black Jack the kids soon found out that Naruto had a strange luck that not only allowed him to pull impossible stunts during pranking but also allowed him to virtually never lose at gambling.

That said, Tenten had gotten a book on Poker and other gambling games to learn it so that they could enter Naruto into the World Poker Tournament one day and make them all rich enough to buy the Land of Fire.

Kiba blinked. "Wait," the dog lover said as he stared incredulously at his friends, "you guys were taking bets?"

"Well yeah. We wanted to see how long it would take before you realized that Uzumaki was male. Personally I think it's troublesome." Shikamaru said sprawled on the ground next to Choji, staring at the clouds.

"This coming from the guy who just made off like a bandit with half of the cash." Tenten muttered as she and the others paid up.

"You guys suck!" Kiba yelled, looking scandalized.

Naruto smiled, handing him some money. "Relax- you get a twenty percent cut."

"-from Naruto's half. I'm keeping mine." Shikamru said as he let Choji count up the money so that he could continue watching clouds.

"I can't believe you guys took bets on me like that!" Kiba yelled before remembering who he was talking to. "Okay, I can believe that, but dang it that's still kinda low!"

"Just be happy you profited from this at all." Sakura waved off before returning to her book.

"Guys!" Came a worried cry from Sasuke as he ran up to them. The raven haired boy skid to a halt in front of them, panting harshly.

"Naruto! Danna's hurt!"

"What?" Naruto yelled, worry evident. "How?"

"I don't really understand! All I know is he keeps whacking himself on the head, muttering he must execute his brain for betraying him! Now we need to find a Stork to help him!"

Everyone shared a look of disbelief. It was Sakura who summed up what was on everyone's mind.

"-the (BLEEP)?"

* * *

After Sasuke had gone to Tsume to get help (who had been tempted to send Deidara to the Detention Center for Disturbed Youth) Deidara managed to calm down, believing his brain has been properly punished and went about cleaning his bloody forehead. Tsume helped out and bandaged his forehead up. She left him so he could resume cooking though told Iruka to keep an eye on the boy.

Thanks to his little episode, he stayed in the kitchen for three hours and dinner was half an hour late. Deidara was quick to recover though and had even managed some desert in the form of fruit salad drowned in whip cream.

Getting Mozuku to call all the kids in Deidara and Iruka soon had the tables lined up buffet-style. Glazed ham and fried pork, sushi, ochazuke*, three types of onigiri, kamameshi*, curry bread, tempura, yakisoba chicken, chanpuru* and tonjiru* soup with juice.

The kids walked in grabbing plates and chopsticks, looking surprised to find so much food out. The large group soon formed a line at the head of the tables. After half an hour the crowd of children was back outside, happily eating.

"Man, this food is good!"

"Which restaurant did they take-out from?"

"I don't know, but this food is great!"

Similar comments were spreading around, many enjoying the well-cooked meal.

Naruto and his little group all had a plate, eating happily. Sakura was happily nibbling on sushi when she saw the odd look on Naruto's face. "What's wrong, Naruto-kun?"

Naruto was chewing his food slowly, as though trying to place something. "I've tasted this cooking before..."

Kiba, who had been playing around with his food stopped to look at Naruto. "Deidara cooked it."

Many would have commented on his lack of –sama on Deidara's name but was too distracted by Naruto's reaction.

"What? Who allowed Nii-san to cook?" the boy panicked.

"What's the problem? This food rocks!" Sasuke said as he gulped down his soba.

"That's the problem! He's cooking is _too_ good! If people find out he cooked this, they'll try to kidnap him to be their personal chief!"

"I seriously doubt-" Ino started but got interrupted by a loud squeal. As one, of the troupe looked to a group of older girls not too far from them.

"Oh, I love this cooking!"

"It's the best!"

"Hey, I hear that it was all cooked by this cute boy called Dei-kun. I think."

"If I meet him we are so dating!"

"No way, I'm dating him!"

"Wrongo! I will!"

"Not if I get to him first!"

As the girls fought over who'd get to date Deidara, the younger kids turned to Naruto.

"..We must protect Danna's innocence at all cost." Sasuke said with steel like determination, a resounding agreement sounded from his companions.

Kiba nodded reluctantly, taking his first bite.

…and fell in love all over again. _Well its official,_ thought the young boy as he savored the food that practically melted in his mouth. _If Deidara-sama ever goes gay, I'll happily be his bitch._

* * *

Deidara grinned at Hana, who was on her third plate of helpings. When she saw him, she blushed.

"So," he drawled. "still got something against my cooking?"

The older girl sighed. "I'm sorry for insulting your cooking skills. Pass the onigiri, please."

The boy let out of bark of laughter, passing the food. "Man, you look like you had to spit that apology out."

Hana glared, till she saw his forehead. "What happened to you?"

The blonde shrugged. "I played chicken with a wall. Amazingly enough the wall won. Then I tested the durability of your mom's best skillet. Apparently from the dents in the pan and the lump on my head the pan ain't ever gonna be the same."

Hana stared incredibly at him. "…what?"

"Hana!" Tsume's voice called from the kitchen. "Why is there a bra in the broom closest?"

"How should I know- Deidara! What are you doing with that platter?"

**BANG** "Die-" **BANG** "Evil-" **BANG** "Brain!" _**BANG**_! -THUD-

"Mom! Deidara beat himself unconscious!"

* * *

After reviving Deidara, the two blondes and their minder and extortionist left. After taking Sasuke home, the trio made good time getting back to the cottage.

Naruto was chatting to Iruka about the fun he had at the compound when Iruka said something that caught Deidara's attention.

"Hey Naruto-kun, what do you want for your birthday?"

This question elicited two different responses. Naruto had paled greatly and Deidara looked surprised.

"Crap! October 10th is coming? Nii-san we gotta barricade the entrances, set up land mines around the property! Booby-trap the trees and hide out in the Hokage Tower's basement!" Naruto said in a panicked voice, waving his arms around wildly.

"Wait- Naruto's birthday is coming up?" Deidara said before he could stop himself. He silently cursed himself. What brother didn't know his own sibling's birthday?

Iruka wasn't sure how to respond to Naruto's words so he focused on Deidara's.

"You don't know Naruto's birthday?"

"Nii-san's suffering from head trauma! He probably can't count at the moment! Quick- when is the tenth of October?" Naruto said, hysteria evident in is voice.

"In three weeks." Iruka said having trouble believing what he was hearing. Deidara who was insanly protective of Naruto didn't know Naruto's birthday (this could be because when he took Naruto in he didn't think to ask…or his self inflicted head trauma made him forget) and Naruto was terrified. Why would he… oh.

Iruka almost slapped himself for forgetting what that date was. The fall of Kyuubi. He heard rumors that Naruto was often hunted on this day like a wild animal but never believed it. But now seeing Naruto making a list of preparations that was not limited to ration bars and an underground bunker he was forced to believe them.

He felt disgusted to know that Naruto saw this day as a war zone. He resolved to go to the Inuzuka compound tomorrow and plan out a birthday party for the poor boy.

Deidara though wasn't sure how to respond. Birthdays were just another day in the calendar to him. But seeing how Naruto looked ready to pull the floor boards up and dig out a trench made him angry. Placing a hand the frantic boy, Deidara smiled comfortingly at him.

"Quit freaking out, Fishcake. Any (BLEEP)er stupid enough to try anything will find himself getting a prostate exam involving me shoving a can of spray paint up their rectum."

Iruka wasn't sure which one appalled him more- Deidara's idea of comfort or the fact that it worked.

* * *

Sarutobi was trying hard not to laugh as he read the report his ANBU had given him. Shortly after Deidara left for the day, an irate group of females stormed in with a badly wounded Jiraiya demanding he get executed or given to Anko for 'nearly raping a poor frightened little girl'.

Sarutobi managed to appease them by telling them that he will have Jiraiya interrogated once he was healed enough.

He winced at the image of his badly mutilated former student who was now in critical care at the hospital, wondering why those women thought him to be a pedophile.

Now he knew. Laughing Sarutobi was pretty sure that once Jiraiya awoke from his coma he wasn't going to find this as funny as he did.

_Yes, I don't think he will be at all happy with 'Deidara-chan'._ The man said with a chuckle.

* * *

Ochazuke: hot green tea or dashi poured over cooked white rice, often with various savory ingredients such as umeboshi or tsukemono.

Kamameshi: rice topped with vegetables and chicken or seafood, then baked in an individual-sized pot

Chanpurū: A stir-fry from Okinawa, of vegetables, tofu, meat or seafood and sometimes egg.

Tonjiru: similar to Miso soup, except that pork is added to the ingredients

PD


	26. Trauma, Lessons, and Making Friends

**My Wish Order Brother**

Author: PiperDreamer

Rating: Rated: M

Genre: General, AU

edited: 04/25/12

* * *

Chapter 26: Trauma, Lessons and Making Friends

* * *

Yukika smiled as she went about her rounds. In two more weeks the whole terrorist fiasco would be resolved, some poor dumb bastard she set up would get the blame and she would be free to train her daughter and Deidara.

She loved it when a plan came together. It took time, patience, awaking a few sleepers and lots of brain washing jutsu's but soon all would play out as she planned.

_Now if only everything went that well,_ she thought, thinking about her late husband.

The scar faced woman shook her head, it was better to forget that particular past. Damasu died a worthier death then he deserved, he should be happy with that. Instead she focused on her patients.

She was almost looking forward to training Deidara, he had so much potential.

* * *

A week had passed since his self-inflicted head wound, and Deidara watched on in amusement as Iruka secretly plotted a surprise birthday party for Naruto with Tsume and Kumiko.

Currently he was passing an invitation to the Hokage before he left the tower, enjoying the warm beverage Taro had given him. The air was getting colder, something Deidara wasn't used to. Growing up in the badlands, the coldest it got was 50 degrees in winter season.

He had taken to bundling himself and Naruto to keep warm though the younger blonde thought he was being silly for all the layers.

But that did little to stop him from caring and as he chugged down a hot coffee he mentally tallied another good deed to his small list.

Walking to the Flower shop Deidara watched in amusement as people would occasionally look out their window, fear evident in their eyes as they watched out for the terrorist or the Uzumaki brothers. Those that did see him let out a startled yelp before drawing the curtains as though it would protect them.

It was a toss-up really- were they more afraid of the guy destroying their village one building at a time or the two kids with enough explosive power to wipe them off the face of the planet in mere seconds?

To Deidara it was a welcoming change of attitude mostly because he was on watch and killing people would not look good in any ANBU report. Though he really missed doing art and was actually scaring Iruka and Hana some, it was mostly unintentional.

He hadn't known you could suffer withdrawals from going cold turkey with art. Oh well. He'd settle for the next best thing. After all, the blonde smirked as he adjusted the strap of the bulging bag he was carrying as an image of Naruto and his little friends appeared in his mind, how many can say they're training the next generation of artists?

Finally making it to his second job the blonde entered.

"Deidara-kun! Good to see you!" Kumiko said looking happy. The boy took the shop in, frowning. It looked kinda sad really, the flowers were wilting seeing how they hadn't received any new shipments for some time and no one really came in anymore.

The place just looked pathetic. But seeing how he was still being paid to work he wasn't about to complain. Plus Ino was now almost always at the Inuzuka compound for safety reasons, though she was here for the day much to the artist's annoyance.

"How are you feeling, dear?" Kumiko asked, looking concerned. Ever since he was brought by those ladies who 'rescued' him from that white haired pervert, she had been a mother hen to him, worried that he was going to break down and cry any moment from the 'trauma'.

"I'm fine. Really. That guy is probably suffering more than me." Deidara tried to reassure her.

* * *

_Meanwhile, in an extensive care room at the hospital…_

Sarutobi was currently trying his level best not to burst out laughing at the sight of his student in a near-full body cast. The white haired man had an unfocused look in his eyes, tell-tale signs of his heavily drugged state.

"Hello Jiraiya, how do you feel?" the aged Hokage said.

The man in question threw back his head (one of the few working parts of his body) yelling as loudly as possible, "My gnads! They hung me by my gnads!"

Blinking the Hokage looked over at Yakushi who just nodded before replying. "It's true. He'll be in that cast for another week, tops."

The aged man gave a sympathetic wince.

* * *

"Don't worry. I'm perfectly fine. Un." The blonde reassured.

"Okay," Kumiko said not looking convinced, "but if you need to talk to someone I'm here, okay?"

Deidara nodded but was silently telling himself that it would be a cold day in hell before he opened up to the gossip hound.

Today was just a short shift, a mere four hours to keep the dying plants from their demise a little longer.

Perfect time to work on some chakra control.

In Iwa there were three types of chakra control; the pebble, dirt and enraged beast exercise. The pebble was where you concentrated on moving the pebble up the length of your arm then back down. The dirt was where you hovered the many particles of dirt just above you skin without getting on your clothes or skin. The pebble was the easier, seeing how the dirt required a much higher form of control due to it having individual specks to maintain.

The enraged beast was both a chakra and a body hardening exercise, pretty much you had to stick to the side of an angry buffalo (With your feet, your hands were tied behind your back. Literally.) and not get thrown off as it tried to buck you off, and if that didn't work it tried to flatten you by rolling over, meaning you had to move around the thing and never once lose control.

Most Iwa-nin's didn't learn the third one till they were at least Chunin's, and if you wanted to be in the Iwa ANBU you had to learn it as part of the test.

Placing a pebble under his sleeve, Deidara focused on the rock. It stuck momentarily before falling. This happened several times before he could finally manage to keep it in one place. He frowned. His chakra control was worse than he originally thought.

He divvied his focus between his chore and the exercise, trying to multitask.

He had managed to keep his rock unsteadily in place for a good three minutes before he was tackled from behind by a short platinum blonde girl.

"Nii-sama! You came to visit me!" Ino gushed.

Deidara swore quietly as the pebble clattered to the ground. Picking the stone up, Deidara gave Ino a strained smile. For making him loose concentration he was so not giving her anything in his bag of 'fun stuff'.

"Hello, un."

The girl smiled lovingly before batting her eyes. "Nii-sama… I was wondering, well," the girl got shy now as though she wasn't sure how to ask the question. Deidara gritted two sets of his teeth as he said sterner then he meant to, "What, Ino. I'm busy."

"Could you, well, teach me some family techniques? I wanna impress Tou-san so that he'll hand me the title of clan head so I can adopt you formerly into the clan." Ino asked.

Thanks to the rumor wheel from the various groups of women that came in and out of the shop, Ino was under the impression that Deidara was her half-brother or cousin and thus couldn't comprehend that Deidara (though extremely talented and well erudite in most kinds of ninjutsu) didn't know squat about the Yamanaka family abilities. She just assumed he did.

Deidara stared at the girl, not sure if he should be laughing or not at the girl's flawed logic. Before he could inform her of the error in her own logic, he was hit by a moment of inspiration by his more eccentric childish side which was strangely enough being supported by his cold detached side.

Giving an award winning smile, Deidara knelt to the young girl's eye level. "I would love to show you our family jutsu's. Unfortunately though," Deidara sighed, looking sad, "Our father doesn't like me, thus doesn't want to teach me anything."

Ino gapped in shock. Father didn't want to teach Nii-sama? How horrible!

Before she could ponder this out Deidara gave her the saddest look with a longing sigh. "I guess Father just hates me so much that he deliberately denied me and Naruto to be his sons."

Patting the girl on the head he said, "Well, it could be worse. Instead of being just a bigamist he could have remained gay."

"Gay?" she said, looking confused.

"Yup! He dumped my ma for another man. I think his name was Uchiha Fugaku or something…"

Unbeknownst to Ino and being blatantly ignored by Deidara (though he had said those last lines just for them), Suzume and Hoshina had walked in and heard the conversation. The two shared a look and walked back out.

"But you havta learn it! All Yamanaka's know them!" she pouted.

"I know- but it can't be helped. Though maybe- no, never mind." Deidara said, shaking his head.

"What? What is it?" Ino pressed.

"Forget it." Deidara waved off, but Ino refused to accept this. Sighing dramatically Deidara spoke.

"I was going to suggest that you learn them and then teach the jutsu's to me, but you might get in trouble."

Ino perked to this. If she learned them then she could show them to Nii-sama, meaning she could spend time with him without upsetting Naruto-otouto! And then Nii-sama would adore her as much as their little brother!

Smiling Ino practically danced. "I'll learn them to teach you!"

"Are you sure? You might get in trouble teaching me." Deidara said, looking worried.

"I don't care! You're family, so no problem!" Ino said with pride.

Deidara smiled happily at her. "Okay. I can't change your mind."

As the girl started to run off to find her father to teach her, Deidara spoke up. "Remember, imouto-chan. This is our little secret."

Positively glowing at being called little sister, Ino swore to keep it a secret. As she ran off, she missed how Deidara smirked dangerously.

The blonde boy went back to the plants as he worked on his chakra control.

* * *

After his shift finally ended Deidara walked out, heading to the Inuzuka compound looking quite proud of himself as the stuffed bag bounced against his thigh.

He had left Iruka and Naruto there so he didn't need to go back to the cottage. As he focused on the stone he barely managed to stop it from dropping when Hana came running up, hugging him.

"Deidara-kun! You're alive!" she joked, missing the nasty look he shot her for messing with his concentration.

"Hi. Now let go." He said through gritted teeth, trying his darnest not to push her off.

Hana pulled away, grinning. "Have you decided what you're getting Naruto?"

"…for what, un?"

"His birthday!"

"Oh…not sure. Emergency rations?" Deidara questioned, remembering that Naruto was planning to get those when he barracked himself and Deidara in the Hokage Tower.

He must have said the wrong thing since Hana gave him her patent stare reserved only for people she deemed too stupid to live.

After a good minute she spoke. "This is the part where you go 'Haha, just kidding'."

Deidara raised a brow. "And if I'm not kidding?"

Before she could berate him, a voice spoke up. "Um, excuse me?"

The two looked to their left, seeing some of the girls that normally hung around Amesha. The one with curly chestnut hair walked forward.

"Hi. I'm Naomi, and I wanted to apologize for our behavior to you the other day. I hope we can be friends." She said nicely, fluttering her eyes as she gave a flirty smile.

Taking a distraction for what it's worth, Deidara smiled charmingly at her, though he almost cringed when he heard the eerily familiar squeals from some of the girls.

_Don't turn fangirl, don't turn fangirl…_was his mantra as he spoke. "I'm not judgmental," The cold voice snorted at this as he waved the Bull Shite Flag, "-and I do hope we become…acquaintances."

Another tendril of squeals and Deidara fought the dire need to start throwing bombs at them as he hopped away on the building to escape the nascent fangirls.

Naomi blushed prettily as she fluttered her eyelashes again, standing in a pose that Deidara recognized all too well but pretended not to.

"Well, if you're not busy maybe we could hang out?"

The boy gave a polite bow. "I'm sorry, but with my jobs, brother, and lessons it would be difficult to find time to spend with anyone. And besides," he said with a courteous smile, "I would never forgive myself if you got in trouble or placed in harm's way for spending time while out and about when we have a terrorist on the loose. Un."

Some looked fearfully around while others fawned over his 'thoughtfulness'.

"We understand. Maybe some other time?" Naomi said, trying not to sound disappointed.

"Perhaps." He said smoothly, mentally telling them to go away and walk into a bunch of land mines.

As the girl's left, the blonde turned to Hana who was just shaking her head, muttering "It's begun. They've moved from Uchiha-san to Deidara-kun."

Shaking off her statement, Deidara raised an eyebrow as he asked the question he knew the answer to. "Just what the heck was that girl trying to do?"

He was well aware what she had tried to do, but had decided it best if he pretended not to. He was still a boy, and though wasn't sure he was almost certain he was suppose to still be in the 'oblivious-to-the-opposite-gender' stage. Plus he was curious, were all the girls in Konoha that bad?

Hana laughed. "She was trying to seduce you."

"Really?" Deidara said, looking surprised at this though he really wasn't. He blatantly ignored the cold voice demanding money from the childish voice for losing some bet. "Man, she sucked at it! I mean, seriously! You gotta deviate them from their senses, make them focus solely on you as you stun and make their feelings rocket out of control! Make them wanna spill their darkest secrets! You do that and you're in!"

Hana laughed once more. "Silly, she wasn't trying to get something out of you, except maybe a date."

"You've been on missions like that?"

"No. I'm not good at pretending."

He grinned slyly. "Didn't do well in the 'holding a man's attention' part either, eh?"

Hana stepped in front of him. "Watch me for a second."

She brought one hand up near her ear and began to slowly twist strands of hair around her finger. Deidara blinked at her in surprise.

"This is how you hold a man's attention," Hana told him. Her gaze shifted, centered low on his face. "First, you pay very close attention to what they're saying. You watch their mouth a lot. You touch your own hair."

Releasing the strand of hair, Hana languidly ran her fingers along the side of her own head as if tucking wayward strands into place.

Deidara swallowed compulsively as every survival instinct he had was screaming for him to retreat. "Tilt your head. Make sure when you talk, your mouth is open enough that your tongue shows-"

"CUT THAT OUT!" shrieked Deidara, as he moved a good ten feet away from her in the span of three seconds, rubbing his arms as though he was suddenly freezing.

Hana burst out laughing again.

"Well, it's freaky when you're explaining it _and _doing it at the same time!" Deidara appeared shaken. He was staring at Hana in alarm, as if she might pounce on him any second. Hana stopped laughing as she took his appearance.

She honestly expected a reaction out of him, but was surprise to see that he honestly looked ready to fight her to getaway. He was shaking, sweating- had a caged animal look to his eyes and had goose bumps on his arms.

_If I didn't know any better, I would have thought he was having an allergic reaction to my little stunt,_ the genin thought.

"But you understand now, right? It ain't easy stuff." She said in hopes of getting him to react normally. It didn't sit well how he had reacted to her simple demonstration.

Meanwhile, inside Deidara's head the childish voice was screaming in undiluted fear as he curled up into a ball, the cold voice was pissed as hell and wanted to kill the girl, while Deidara fought off unwanted memories…

_Fear. It was what he felt as he stayed hidden. The young boy of six hadn't been this frightened since his family was killed. But then again, he only had death and torture to fear then. Now he had a truly sick monster out to get him. He barely escaped last time, would he be able to stop this evil man before it was too late?_

_He shivered as the images of that monster came into play, and he rubbed the spot on his arm that had an adult size hand shaped bruise on it. He felt nauseas as the scene that took place an hour ago replayed, a fresh wound in his young mind._

_That man, no monster had tried… he wasn't entirely sure what he tried but he knew very well it was unnatural, evil and corrupted and had he not escaped… he shuddered._

_If this was how he felt when the monster hadn't managed to succeed, what would he felt had it gone all the way?_

_A sound brought him out of his turmoil thoughts, forcing him to keep his breathing regular. His heart pounded in his ears, so loudly that he swore the other guy could hear it._

_The monster walked past his hiding place, looking around._

_"I know you're here! Come out and I'll be gentle."_

_The boy refused to leave the cupboard he hid in, knowing if he got out he could only pray the monster killed him first. He fingered the butcher's knife he had taken. Maybe he should take his own life now! Escape the nightmares that monster would give him, get reunited with his parents-_

_The door was reached off, and a new wave of fear and a healthy dose of panic overwhelmed him._

_"Gotcha!" the monster said in glee, reaching in to grab him._

_What happened next was a blur to the boy. All he knew was that his fear drove him to kick the monsters face and as he howled in pain from a broken nose the boy shot forward, knife raised…_

_Then blood. Lots of blood. He was covered in the monsters blood. Blood, it seeped into his clothing, dripped down his face got in his eyes as he watched the monster gurgle for breath, not able to succeed seeing how his throat was slashed._

_Blood. It was everywhere. Just like when his Tou-_

Deidara blinked, breathing heavily. Somehow his cold voice had managed to cut off the memories, locking them back up. He trembled, but forced it down.

Though glad of that, he felt…something. Like another memory had tried to surface near the end.

Once more he shook his head. That was a memory he didn't want to recall. Ever.

"Dei-kun? You okay?" Hana's voice was a sweet reprieve and he gladly took it.

The girl looked concerned, and it was then that he realized how scared he must have looked. Cursing, he tried to recall what had triggered the memory, to get back on topic and to be better prepared.

Deidara glared as the shaking stopped, taking a more casual stance though his face was red from embarrassment. Staring at her warily, he muttered, "There are many kinds of seduction techniques, not just the standards. Even I could do it."

The girl couldn't believe how relieved she was at seeing him return to normal. She swore he looked as if he had been spirited away for a second there.

"Please Deidara-kun… you may look girly but you couldn't seduce a dead mongoose." Hana said looking quite certain of this. If his reaction was anything to go by, he probably kept romance at arm's length. If not a country length in between.

Now that she thought about it, Deidara hated being touched. Heck, the only person whose touch he didn't flinch at was Naruto's. Why was that?

Deidara stared at her blankly though inside he was fuming. She made him look like an idiot! He was taught on how to avoid such situations and to take advantage of them! Normally he would have happily left it at that but he just wanted to make Hana squirm. At the insistence of his inner voices, which sounded somewhat darker than normal, he implemented the comeback plan.

"And if I prove you wrong?"

"Then prove me wrong, Seducer-kun." Hana said sarcastically.

Deidara grinned in a manner that set Hana on edge as he began to sing.

Your cruel device

Your blood like ice

One look could kill

My pain your thrill

Deidara started, stalking towards the genin. Hana began to backpedaling from the boy. Deidara just followed after, still singing.

I wanna love you, but I better not touch

Don't touch

I wanna hold you, but my senses tell me to stop

I wanna kiss you, but I want it too much

Too much

I wanna taste you but your lips are venomous poison

You're poison running through my veins

You're poison, and I don't wanna break these chains

He then circled behind her, leaning towards her ear causing her to shiver.

Your mouth so hot

Your web I'm caught

Your skin so wet

Black lace on sweat

Pulling back, he swung around to her front, hands clamp behind his back, the predator like grin firmly in place as he stared into Hana's chocolate orbs with ill-hidden amusement that almost smothered her. The Inuzuka felt her mouth go dry at the look she was receiving.

I hear you calling and its needles and pins

And pins

I wanna hurt you just to hear you screaming my name

Don't wanna touch you, but you're under my skin

Deep in

I wanna kiss you but your lips are venomous poison

You're poison running through my veins

You're poison, I don't wanna break these chains

Chills ran down her spine as butterflies flew rampage in her stomach. Hana felt her breathing getting shorter and harder to take in as the blonde boy seemed to close in on her, backing her into a wall.

One look could kill

My pain, your thrill

She was confused by the swirling emotions running amok in her. He was only singing! He shouldn't be making her feel like this! Even with his obviously less-than-platonic movements towards her she shouldn't be affected! Hell, he wasn't even touching her! They trained her better than this!

I wanna love you, but I better not touch

Don't touch

Just wanna hold you, but my senses tell me to stop

I wanna kiss you, but I want it too much

Too much

I wanna taste you but your lips are venomous poison

You're poison running through my veins

You're poison, I don't wanna break these chains

He sang in a deeper voice, arms firmly planted on either side of her blocking any chance to run, his lips hovering ever so slightly above Hana's.

I wanna love you, I better not touch

I wanna hold you, my senses tell me to stop

I wanna kiss you, but I want it too much

I wanna taste you but your lips are venomous poison

You're poison running through my veins

You're poison, I don't wanna break these chains…

As the singing ended, Deidara stared at her intently and for a split moment Hana almost thought he was going to kiss her. Instead Deidara started laughing. Vociferously.

"Dear kami! You look as though I just snogged you stupid! Hahahaha!" the blonde guffawed, moving away from her to clutch his stomach.

Hana blushed in embarrassment, glaring angrily at him. How dare he laugh at her feelings! But then again, she had dared him, so in reality she had no one to blame but herself. Still, he was being a jerk about his victory.

"Jerk!" she snarled, still angered by her own feelings.

"Sorry, shouldn't have laughed but your reaction was just so funny!" Deidara said, wiping a tear away as he kept a decent amount of space between them. He didn't think she'd try anything, but just in case he wasn't going to get closer than necessary. He honestly hated that seducer aspect of the ninja profile and under normal circumstances men were never put onto those missions.

Unfortunately, he had a sadistic uncle who was pissed at him for tripling his paperwork and sent him on those kinds of missions, fully knowing Deidara didn't like them. He was also aware that Deidara got queasy around acts of human copulation, didn't like getting touched unless he gave first contact, and had a 'mild' case of aphephobia.

Sadly he got trained by some of the most questionable people possible who thought that Orochimaru of the Sannin was a fashion genius, though this explained his unusual style of seduction. Plus it allowed him to get the job done without touching them too much.

Smiling cheekily, Deidara walked ahead. "Congrats though- most don't handle themselves too well." The boy gave a slight shutter as memories of a few of his ex-fiancée's came up before he ruthlessly squashed it.

The two marched off to the compound, one looking smug while the other looked ready to bash her companions head into a brick wall.

The moment Deidara passed the threshold to the compound, he got pounced by Naruto.

"Nii-saaaaaaan!" the boy yelled happily, bear-hugging Deidara tighter. Grunting, Deidara gave a lop-sided smile as he returned the hug.

"Yo, Fishcake."

Naruto's happy exclaim had caused the other children to appear in a matter of minutes, and soon Hana and Deidara were surrounded.

"Deidara-sama!" Kiba gushed, much to his sister's worry. Deidara had no one but her to blame, she could have informed him earlier about the blonde's gender but had found it too amusing to say anything. Now Deidara was being accused by Tsume for turning Kiba into a 'fanboy whose greatest ambition is to become the uke of his obsession', as she put it.

It didn't help at all when Kiba asked if the clan supported same-sex marriages.

Deidara gave his fanboy a strained smile that clearly said 'If you touch me, I'm going to punt you over the Hokage Monument'.

"Deidara-nii!" came the chorus from Lee, Tenten and Sakura.

Lee was doing very well in taijutsu, and the blonde was pretty sure he would be one of the best in a few more years, though the kid proved to be an oddity. He couldn't mold chakra. At all.

At first Deidara had no idea why but had a theory after Lee told him his parents died during the Kyuubi attack and that he had been trapped in his house under a pile of rubble. Actually, it was a miracle he was even alive with all that had fallen on him.

He approached Yukika on the subject during his and Naruto's weekly check up, asking if a childhood trauma could cause the chakra coil to only work at minimum capacity. Surprisingly she had no idea and looked positively giddy at the notion of an unsolved medical problem.

He almost pitied Lee after that because Scar Bitch was now on the move to study the black haired boy like he was a specimen.

Tenten proved to not only be good with just about any weapon there was, but also developed a habit of turning her surroundings into a weapon. He had debated whether or not to teach her a different style of fighting that could implement her well.

Sakura though was a quiet, observant girl who had a knack for reading and playing shoji with Shikamaru. He could see a clever mind forming there.

And standing not far from the trio was their resident extortionist Sasuke, staring unabashed at Tenten with the cheesiest look on his face. Kami he got it bad…

Giving a quick nod he greeted the last two present- Shikamaru and Choji. The Nara was highly intelligent and despite his near flawless impersonation to a slug was probably the most observant kid present, and quite possibly smarter than Deidara was. He had to be careful around him.

Choji seemed to have low self esteem and got teased often. Despite this, the boy had potential and was extremely loyal to those who showed him kindness. The boy seemed to think highly of him ever since he hung those bullies by their toes, butt naked in the market place.

He had gotten into so much trouble after that, but to see Naruto laugh till he couldn't breathe from mirth was worth the punishment the Hokage dealt on him and he wrote it up as a good deed.

"Hey Nii-san! Guess what?" Naruto said, looking positively bubbly.

Looking over to Naruto, Deidara gave the boy his whole attention. Naruto smiled brighter.

"Hintata-chan and her dad are here! Yeah! Let's go!"

"For what, un?" the bomber said in amusement as Naruto tugged on his arms.

To this Naruto gave a slight blush as he scratched the back of his head. "Well, during the…incident, it was Hinata who had tried to save me. She almost died trying to keep Hiroshi from killing me, and well…when you were at the hospital I promised her I'd always protect her."

Deidara blinked at this. He had assumed the little girl and Sasuke had only found the bastard and got in the way, not actually fought him.

That just put the Hyuuga girl on his list right above Iruka.

"I see. Well, let's greet our newest add-on." The blonde said, getting an indignant yell from Hana.

* * *

Hiashi was sitting on the patio with Tsume, drinking tea with Hinata sitting next to him. He had come here with the intention of thanking the Uzumaki Brother's personally for saving Hinata's life.

He was pretty sure Tsume knew he had ulterior motives for meeting the boys, and she was right.

Soon he saw a small group of children and among them were the two boys he was looking forward to formally meeting.

The younger one, Naruto ran forward and...was hugging his daughter?

"Hinata-chaaaan! Welcome to the Inuzuka home!" the boy said loudly, embracing Hinata as though they were old friends as he grinned like a buffoon and she blushed deeply.

"Oy, Fishcake! Quit suffocating her!" Deidara yelled as he got closer, the small crowd of children running around him and Tsume's daughter.

Naruto let go, looking sheepish.

Tsume coughed getting the two blondes attention.

Addressing Hiashi, Tsume spoke. "This is Hyuuga Hiashi, head of the Hyuuga clan."

Deidara gave a slight bow, grabbing Naruto's head and pushing it down into a bow.

"It's a pleasure to meet Hinata-san's father." Deidara said, nudging Naruto who gave a hasty 'hello'.

Hiashi stood up, looking at the brothers in a decisive fashion.

"Uzumaki-san, I wish to thank you for saving my daughter during the school fire." The Hyuuga head said, giving the older boy a slight bow in thanks.

Deidara gave a slight bow back, the Hokage had told him that this guy knew about his kekkei genkai, and though the old man had forbid that bit of knowledge from going public he didn't trust the man really.

He couldn't pin it, but he had an uneasy feeling around this man.

He had been suckered one too many times back in Iwa, he had no intention getting stuck in something that could trap both him and Naruto, and he would be damned back to hell before he would ever sign Naruto's bachelorhood away.

If that brat wanted to ever get married, it would be his own fault.

An image of an angry redhead flashed in his mind, calling him a dumb piece of trash before he banished it. He didn't want to recall Tayuya at the moment.

Smiling at the older man, Deidara spoke. "I would have never forgiven myself had I left her."

_Liar!_ The childish side yelled, having calmed some from its breakdown.

"If it's alright with you," Deidara started, ignoring the two voices, "can Hinata-san play with Naruto? As you have seen he dearly misses her, un."

Hiashi smiled back. "Of course. Hinata?"

"Um, y-yes?" the young girl stuttered and Deidara had to refrain from glaring out of reflex (he had started to glare at stutterers thanks to Yukika).

"Go play with the children."

The small girl looked honestly surprised but couldn't hesitate seeing how Naruto had grabbed her hand and was already running off with the other children, Hana running after them to ensure they didn't get into too much trouble.

Looking back at the adult's, Deidara blinked. Tsume was giving Hiashi a strange look as though she was expecting something underhanded. This only made him even more apprehensive as he was motioned to sit down.

Deidara turned to Hiashi, smiling. "I must thank you for bringing Hinata-chan over, Naruto seemed really happy to see her again, un."

The older man smiled back, though for some reason it just looked predatory.

_I think your time with your ex-fiancée's families gave you a seventh sense,_ the cold voice deadpanned.

"I'm glad. She had been looking a bit sad as of late. But sometimes friendship can be quite strong if nurtured, don't you agree?"

_How should we know? All previous potential friends we had tried to kill us!_ Yelled the childish voice. Ignoring it, Deidara nodded.

"Absolutely. Naruto is already good friends with an Uchiha, a Nara, Inuzuka, Akimichi and are very close with the Yamanaka. Not to mention he seems capable of making friends with anyone."

The man seemed surprised by this and Deidara didn't blame him. Normally a person couldn't be friends with so many groups; it conflicted the various interests and more often than not made you look like a traitor or like one of those worm-bellied guys that would happily kiss arse and eat shit for favors.

Naruto, on the other hand, didn't see people by titles, abilities or social standing. He just saw people.

Deidara could see the interest in the man's creepy-looking eyes.

"Perhaps when this whole terrorist episode is over with, you and your brother would like to attend dinner at my estate?" Hiashi asked.

Deidara thought about it. From a political aspect it was an ideal move, if he ever needed allies he could call upon the Hyuuga's, plus they had power and pedigree that gave a hefty amount of sway on most circles.

On the other hand, he couldn't shake the feeling that the man was trying to get something out of him, and the last thing he wanted was to be put into a situation where he had to keep it or break it. Hyuuga's did not sound like the kind of person you wanted on your bad side.

Analyzing the situation, Deidara smiled. "We would be honored to go. And I'm sure Naruto would love to spend time with Hinata-chan. He really likes her you know."

"Yes, they seem like a happy duo. You and your brother may visit the Hyuuga estate any time you wish. I have relatives your age you could meet up with." Hiashi said, giving the boy a calculating stare as though he was trying to pick a perfect match.

Not liking where this was going and feeling his 'immediate danger' senses go in high alert, Deidara stood up.

"I'm going to help Hana-kun with the kids- they can be a bit of a handful at times, un." Deidara said, inching away from the adults.

"Please Deidara… Hana can handle the kids. What's the worse they'll do?" Tsume said.

* * *

"Hey Hana-nee?"

"Yeah Naruto-chan- Lee! Stop running with scissors!"

"But Deidara-nii says its great practice for when we start running with kunai's!"

"Do you have any of the Kishi toilet bowl cleaner? Yeah?"

"In the bathroom under the sink- Tenten! Get Shikamaru out of that headlock!"

"But Deidara-nii said we had to practice for later!"

"What about tin foil? We have that?"

"In the cupboard on the left side of the kitchen- Sasuke! Untie those kids right now!"

"But we're playing doctor!"

"HELP US!"

"THE UCHIHA'S A LOONY!"

"Am not!"

"Yes, Sasuke isn't loony… he only wants to sell your livers on the black market."

"Sakura-chan, don't encourage him! Sasuke-chan, use frogs okay?"

"But that's animal cruelty!"

"You won't cut up animals because it's cruel but you're okay with gutting other kids?"

"It's not like I know them."

"Hana-nee-chan? Do we have any bottles I can use?"

"Split a soda with Hinata-chan and then use the bottle! Seriously Naruto-chan, why don't you two go play? Kiba-! What do you think you're doing with Mom's video camera?"

"Studying Deidara-sama…?"

"Okay, Hana-nee-chan. Come on Hinata-chan! Now that we have all the ingredients, we can make that pressure bomb I told you about!"

"I-is the t-toilet cleaner n-necessary?"

"Yup! It has 80% hydrochloric acid! Bigger boom! Yeah!"

"Kiba, stop stalking Dei-kun or I'm gonna…_YOU'RE MAKING A BOMB? !_"

* * *

"Is that a rhetorical question?" Deidara said, looking in the direction he last saw the kids go.

Just then a blur of gold and blue rushed by, and Deidara soon found Naruto, who was carrying Hinata bridal style, sitting on his lap. Deidara noted that both Tsume and Hiashi looked surprised, Tsume even muttering "Yellow Flash…"

He almost decked the older woman for that insult on his brother.

"Nii-san! Hana-nee is yelling at us!"

"Deidara!" Hana yelled, running up to them panting.

Standing up while carrying the two kids, Deidara gave Tsume a flat look; as though he was saying 'told you so' before politely excusing himself from the table to see what Naruto had done to earn the wrath of the heiress. After a few minutes Deidara was in front of the girl.

"What, un?"

"Are you teaching the kids how to make bombs?"

Blinking the older boy gave Naruto a hard stare.

"Have you been rummaging through my stuff again?" It shouldn't have been a question, seeing how he already knew the answer.

Naruto gave a nervous smile. "…No. Yeah."

Sighing Deidara went into, as Naruto dubbed it, 'Teacher mode'.

"The next time you make something that can take out an entire block, frame Itachi, or better yet, Amesha. And while we're at it, don't go through my stuff unless you know you can get away with it. You left ramen broth fingerprints all over my dresser."

"But you have cool recipes!"

_Time to place my books in another place, _"That may be so, but if you're not careful you'll blow yourself up and then I would have a psychotic break and go on a rampage and torch this village to the ground."

Hana blinked. Then her brain rebooted in record time. "You keep bomb recipes in your room?"

"Yeah, so? Ever since the fire incident, I've been looking up different kinds of bombs." Deidara lied.

"So you can figure out what kind their using?"

"Nah, nothing trivial like that. I was bored and figured I'd try my hand at it. You'd be surprised by the sheer amount of house hold appliances that can go 'boom'."

Not to mention the cleaning factory was a good place to raid for more corrosive bombs. Deidara knew the ANBU were taking notes, but didn't care. He was going crazy(er) without setting something off and if it had to be this inferior bomb then so be it. Plus, this way if he made it look like he was using bombs, he could tell the Hokage he was getting practice in for when he learned his kekkei genkai.

He figured since Yukika told them that he was still new to his blood limit, he could get away with trying out different kinds and maybe be allowed to use his real artwork… in the name of training and learning, of course.

Turning to Naruto, he opened his bulging bag. Hana gagged as the smell of chemicals assaulted her.

"Take these for example," he said as he began to pull out ordinary cleaning supplies, a bottle, toothpicks, wool, string and an alarm clock. The small group of kids he babysat had started gathering, all looking on in wonder and excitement.

"By themselves, they ain't much to look at or all that dangerous. But together," he said, and with quick precise movements the random items he had taken out were conformed together. Hana suddenly felt very afraid.

Deidara made a hand signal to the kids, and to Hana's surprised they scattered. Placing the bomb carefully down, Deidara motioned Hana to follow. Once safely inside the building, Hana watched as the kids looked down towards the ground, grinning in anticipation.

Deidara motioned the kids down, counting. "3…2…1…"

**BOOM**!

Hana yelped in surprise at the noise, the kids cheering as something had splashed through the window, mercifully missing everyone. Looking out the window, Hana didn't see anything wrong. Fragments of the bomb were everywhere but no signs of an actual explosion.

Looking around the kids were still watching as though waiting for something. She was glad to see she wasn't the only one not sure what was going on, seeing Hinata's questioning stare. Naruto mouthed 'one moment' before looking back.

The older girl looked back as well, trying to see something.

There.

The grass had started turning a sickly brown, the bark of the trees was changing color and falling off and from her vantage point the building's paint was peeling off.

"Together, they make an extremely corrosive bomb. Not much in the 'boom' section, but for disaster value, it's pretty effective." Deidara stated, and the kids 'ooh-ed' and 'awed'.

"Normally such things take hours before it corrodes like this, but I used a larger dosage and kept it in a pressurized state thanks to the bottle. This can easily be countered by a large amount of water, so everyone head for the showers, just in case it managed to reach you. Three page report on three common chemicals that can eat away and kill the surroundings. Due one week from now." The blonde said, turning on the sprinklers.

As the kids ran off to take those showers, Deidara felt a spike of killing intent. Turning around he was faced with an angry looking Hana.

"You're teaching kids how to blow stuff up? What is wrong with you?" she seethed.

_Ooh! Ooh! I know this one!_ Deidara was quick to stifle that voice as Hana ran at him, intent on pounding his head in.

Deidara ran from the enraged girl, sighing. He was teaching them how to make bombs in the off chance they ended up captured and weaponless! He had been in those situations before, so learning how to turn anything into a weapon, explosion or distraction, was important!

Plus it gave the Hokage a reason to find him a decent teacher to 'educate' him in the proper works of chemical warfare. The old man would realize soon that Deidara needed to stop hiding his abilities if he didn't want to deal with paperwork.

Running outside Deidara passed Tsume and Hiashi, the former glaring at him as she yelled, "What was that noise?"

"Lesson time. Lots of household chemicals. Wait a few more minutes before turning off the sprinklers." He yelled back before diving into the side door that leads to the kitchen. He was bypassing the living room when something made him stop. Hana, not expecting him to suddenly stop crashed into him, knocking them both down to the floor.

"What the heck Dei-kun?" Hana groaned, standing back up. She became worried when she saw him just lay there, staring at something. Following his line of sight, Hana puzzled as to why he was staring at her family photo.

"That's it!" Deidara yelled, jumping from the floor and scaring Hana at his random burst. The boy was running up the stairs, yelling about needing Sasuke's skills.

"What…?"

Meanwhile, back outside Tsume was looking over the damage on her yard. Even after the water had diluted it, the smell of chemicals was strong. The whole area and the side of her house was either dying or pealing.

"I swear, that kid is more dangerous than the terrorist." She muttered glaring at her ruined yard.

Hiashi stared at the mess, a curious look on his face. "If he can do this with everyday cleaning supplies, I'm anxious to see what he'll be capable of when he's older."

The Inuzuka gave him a hard look. "What the hell are you plotting? And don't go all 'I don't know what you mean' crap on me, I've known you forever."

Hiashi shrugged as he continued to survey the area. "You may see an annoying troublemaker, but I see a potential ally. I happen to know something's about the boy's heritage which I find interesting to say the least."

Tsume's eyes sharpened. "They're kids, Hiashi. Not game pieces."

"I know that, which is why I gave out the invitation. You've probably noticed but Deidara doesn't like people very much. I have reason to believe him the kind of ally that can bring greatness to those who side with him and a nightmare to those oppose."

"Just because he has that damned demon's chakra flowing through him doesn't make him a great shinobi."

"I know. But those boys are special, I can tell."

* * *

Kumiko was humming a tune to herself as she baked when Inochi got home. Turning, she was greeted by her husband looking somewhere between highly stressed and beyond enraged.

"Honey, did something bad happen?" she asked worried. Her husband was on the team tracking down the terrorist and had been looking stressed, but now he just looked ten times worse and angry.

"There's another rumor going around," he practically snarled as he yanked off his forehead protector.

Kumiko raised a delicate eyebrow. "What is it this time?"

Inochi glared at the wall with enough venom to melt it. "Apparently, Fugaku and I were lover's and I divorced my mystical other wife who gave birth to the Uzumaki brother's so that we could be together."

Kumiko blinked several times before bursting out laughing. It escalated to the point where she had to lean against the counter for support, her laughter becoming hysterical with mirth, causing her to nearly pass out from lack of oxygen.

"Glad you find this funny." Inochi grumbled, glaring apathetically at his wife.

"Oh-oh my ribs..." Kumiko laughed, wiping tears out of her eyes. Finally the laughter subsided, though her smile didn't leave. "I can attest that you're straight, honey."

Inochi rubbed his eyes. "Now everyone thinks I'm bi or a closet gay."

"I'm sure they don't-"

"Ibiki- my tough-as-nails, seen a thousand horrors and practically the boogieman to S-class criminal's colleague- freaked out and nearly broke out into hives when he saw me today and told me to stay the hell away from him after he heard the rumor."

There was a pregnant pause.

"…um…how's Uchiha-san taking this?" Kumiko dared to ask.

"Haven't even seen the bastard."

* * *

Uchiha Fugaku, head of the noble Uchiha clan and chief of the Police Force, was currently hiding from his homicidal wife.

Apparently someone started some rumor that he was gay and had cheated on his wife with the head of the Yamanaka clan and Maito Gai. This rumor had made it to his wife's ears and now she was at the station, demanding him to come out and explain himself.

Considering she was holding a butcher's knife in one hand and a cheese grater in the other, had her Sharingan on full blast, and was yelling about doing horrible things to him the moment she saw him, he had a feeling he wasn't going to be home for a while.

"Hey! What the hell are you doin' here?"

Fugaku looked at the two guys from across the cell he was hiding in and before he could reply an angry bellow filled with murderous intent yelled out,

"UCHIHA FUGAKU YOU TWO-TIMING SWINE! WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU, I GOING TO (bleep) YOUR (bleep) AND (bleep) WHERE THE SUN DON'T SHINE! AND ONCE I'M DONE WITH THAT, I'M GOING TO (bleep) (bleep) UNTIL YOU CAN'T FEEL YOUR (bleep) ING (bleep) AND THEN RIP THEM RIGHT OFF OF YOUR (bleep) CORPSE!"

The inmate stared at the frightened looking police officer who was now hiding under the bunk, shaking.

After a moment the first inmate spoke. "I just learned three new words I didn't know existed in the swearing vocabulary."

The other guy looked back at Fugaku. "…your wife?"

The Uchiha nodded.

"Feel free to stay the night."

* * *

Poison = Tarja Tururen and others

If your wondering about the whole going from scared to seducing, Deidara was angry about being out of control of the situation. Trauma victims hate feeling as though they are out of control and so he got her back by what he preserved as her own game.

The enrage beast exercise was an idea from a friend, who said that Iwa favored toughness and going with Deidara's personality, it sounded like something he'd learn to further his potential, because seriously… In canon, he flies on a huge bird that do barrel rolls, took on Gaara, faced off Kakashi and Naruto, and then kept his ground against Team Gai with no arms.

That alone shows he has extremely good chakra control, a high tolerance for pain and kept his ground with a crippling handicap. It makes you wonder what kind of training they teach in Iwa.

As to why Deidara let his bombing be seen- simple. If a normal kid finds out he has something special he'll react in two ways; either try to pretend it doesn't exist or try to make something out of it. Deidara's not normal in the least bit so he figures that if he does this, the Hokage might get nervous enough to try and have him taught on how to handle both his blood limit and other forms of explosives.

This also allows him to teach the kids other things without the ANBU getting suspicious.

As to why Deidara doesn't enjoy getting touched, well let's just say trauma after trauma can do horrible things to a person. War can cause post-traumatic stress disorder, seeing death for the first time takes apart of you… so on and so forth.

Now, if your first trauma came when you were four, the next at six and things gradually spiraled out after that, tack on having a career where killing is a must… There is no possible way you can be a well-adjusted human being.

Everyone who becomes traumatized develop quirks and habits to cope with the ordeal. In my opinion, Kakashi started reading books and getting tardy. Anko's insanity is barely kept in check by means of torturing others and freaking others out. Gai became obsessed with youth and Sarutobi deals with it by telling himself he can make sure the next generation won't have to suffer like the previous.

Some people just crack though, as seen with Deidara's voices. One is the childhood he lost while the other he developed as a failsafe in case everything becomes too much, acting as his more practical side.

He still can't recall some memories, whether because he forced himself to forget or due to some other outside influence yet to be seen.

As to the memory he recalled? I assume you can figure out what sort of trauma he almost suffered then…

PD


	27. Gifts from the Heart

**My Wish Order Brother**

Author: PiperDreamer

Rating: Rated: M

Genre: General, AU

Beta: Rose of Doom

* * *

Chapter 27: Gifts from the Heart

* * *

_"Mama! Lookie, lookie!" the four year old said with joy, running up to his mother._

_She was sitting in her garden, a place that was hers and hers alone. She sat on a bench near the pond that stood in the center of her herbal and flower garden, a book resting in the lap of her sky blue sundress with long chestnut hair flowing in the breeze of the bright and sunny afternoon._

_Looking to him she smiled, her hazel eyes showing love._

_"What is it Dei-Dei-chan, yeah?" she said with a gentle voice._

_"Look!" the boy said in delight, holding up his hands._

_"Oh!" the lovely lady said, smiling wider. "You awoke your kekkei genkai!"_

_A pair of tiny tongues wagged out from the palms of his hands, smiling. The mother placed her book down, embracing her child._

_"I'm so proud of you! I bet your Daddy will just blow up with pride! Yeah! Oh my little artist!"_

_The small child smiled bright, hugging his mother tightly as his eyes drifted shut._

_Her voice sounded like sweet chimes as she spoke. "We're so proud of you Dei-Dei-"_

_"-chan."_

_Her words morphed into a breathless, pained voice as she finished._

_The boy's eyes shot open, fear and shock grabbing him. He wasn't in his mother's garden back at the compound. No, he was in a burning building leaning against a wall he had almost succeeded in knocking out so that he could escape his father's murderer._

_One moment he was trembling in utter fear as the man prepared to kill him, the next his mother was in front of him, holding him tight as blood seeped out the corner of her mouth, a strange blade protruding from her torso. She smiled, looking deeply pained._

_"I love you, my little artist."_

_Then everything exploded._

Deidara slammed his fist on top of the blaring alarm clock, breaking it.

He laid there for a moment, collecting himself. The past couple of nights had been restless as dreams morphed into nightmares. He rubbed his head. He was remembering things he had previously forgotten, things that were making him question if he even knew the truth anymore.

The Konoha-nin that fought his father, he had a distinct feeling he was involved with his parent's deaths, more so then that bastard Muzai of Kusagakure had been. But no matter how hard he tried to grasp at the memory, it slipped out, as though someone had yanked it away from him.

He wanted to know, but at the same time he didn't. What secrets were hiding, and in his own dreams?

A loud yelp was heard followed by a even louder 'thump' out in the hallway, but Deidara ignored it as he got up to dress.

Today was the day. The day Naruto turned seven years old. Deidara almost felt bad about missing the first six but he reasoned that he had a life time to fix that.

Looking over at his dresser, he picked up a wrapped present. He'd have to wait till later to give it to him but he was positive he'd love it. Or at least he hoped he did.

It was the second yelp followed by the sound of metal wires and a very familiar cry of "Nii-san!" that got Deidara's attention.

Placing the present down in his ever present bag he walked over to his door opening it, only to be greeted by a rather amusing sight.

Naruto was currently hanging upside down from the ceiling by Deidara's wires, giving the older boy a bland stare.

"Brother, I don't remember this trap being here, yeah."

"That's because I changed it, un."

"Why?"

"Because life is unpredictable."

"Oh… can I get down now? The blood's rushing to my head."

Thanks to Naruto's fears of this day, Deidara tried to reassure him by putting up traps that could and had stopped ninja's like Iruka. This was also an excuse for Deidara to pacify his own paranoia that was caused by not having those traps up in the first place.

Cutting the younger boy down, Deidara began to disarm the rest of the hallway, slowly making his way over to where their caretaker was completely wrapped in wires, chains and play-dough.

Iruka glared at Deidara as the grinning blonde let him loose.

"Deidara-san, will you please stop booby-trapping the house? I'd like to use the restroom without fear of being ensnared somewhere."

"You're a Chuunin; deal with it."

Breakfast was a boring event, despite the fact Naruto was looking around half expecting something to happen.

Deidara earnestly wished he knew who caused that fear in his brother. He estimated that Konoha was big enough to hide plenty of bodies and if he cut them up into tiny pieces first, they would never find the remains.

"So how's school, un?" Deidara asked.

The school had been temporarily placed in the Aburame amalgam mostly for the fact only the most foolish would attack a placed loaded with bugs that can drain you dry in seconds.

"It's cool. Way better then the last one, but I think it was something to do with the fact that the Aburames aren't bigots."

"Really?"

"Yup!"

"That's great Naruto." Iruka cheered.

Naruto smiled back. "Nii-san says that's because they don't discriminate since they hate everybody equally."

Deidara had the decency to look awkward. Iruka palmed his forehead.

Finishing, the trio walked out the front door, Naruto nattering happily at Iruka who momentarily stopped to look at the new doorway.

It took Deidara three days and using a local kiln, but he had created an archway from clay and the results where…interesting.

On the left was a long pointed face and tentacle-like spikes on the back, stars carved intricately throughout it giving the impression that the body was made from stars. On the right was a great stag with many antlers, bird-like feet, and the face of a baboon.

Iruka couldn't help but shiver at the twin guardians Deidara had created over their door, the Daidarabocchi and Shishigami respectfully.

From an artist point of view they were works of art, masterfully done. From the Chunin's point, they served as chilling grotesque monsters that somehow comforted Naruto and wholeheartedly unnerved him.

"Hey Umino! You'll be taking Naruto to the Inuzuka's afterward, right?" Deidara asked.

Iruka was acting as the distraction for Naruto so that the others could get the party ready in time. Deidara still had to work but only at the flower shop mainly because Kumiko wanted to decorate the place with her flowers, not wanting them to go to waste.

"Yes I will."

As they reached the fork in the road, Naruto clung to Deidara.

"What if something bad happens?" Naruto asked, looking around in fear of something terrible happening. Though Deidara had helped in curbing his fear of this day, Naruto was still wary of it.

"Then I'll kill Iruka for not stopping it, then find the source and bludgeon it to pieces." Deidara answered. Leaning forward as to keep Naruto from hearing, Deidara whispered to Iruka.

"Keep him safe, Umino."

Bending down, the older blonde hugged Naruto giving a comforting squeeze. For a moment Deidara contemplated giving the present now but decided against it. He didn't want the surprise ruined. "I'll see ya later, Fishcake!"

The younger boy hugged back before letting go. Giving Deidara one final smile he and Iruka walked to the school. Deidara turned and headed for the Flower shop.

* * *

Sarutobi felt like tearing what little hair he had out. Ever since the fire incident, Deidara had become a sliding scale of calamity and luck of inconceivable portions.

First he developed a Kekkei Genkai that was thought to be extinct, nearly got killed saving Naruto, survived Naruto's malpractice healing, became a pseudo-Jinchuuriki, and from his ANBU watchers reports the boy enjoyed playing with hazardous chemicals and making grotesque creatures from pottery. He was teaching the children valuable but dangerous things and was just in general causing hell for many (though mostly just people who threaten the kids he watched and by proxy, Naruto).

Now the boy had taught the younger ones how to make bombs out of household items. Though ingenious, Sarutobi knew this was going to escalade if he didn't do something about it.

He had once heard a rumor that the members of the Jibaku clan had become dangerous after awakening their blood limit thanks to the chemicals that developed causing an imbalance within them. It messed with their heads, making them slowly insane. The only means to prevent this was by using their abilities to make things explode, thus removing the corrosive chakra from within them.

This was just a rumor but with each new report he got on Deidara, the more he believed it. Deidara was slowly becoming more unstable with each passing day, making him a threat.

Right now the boy was masterfully staving off the madness by teaching the children unorthodox and potentially dangerous 'lessons' (as well as directing his creativity towards pottery), but he never taught anything without instructing them on how to keep themselves safe first so he hadn't stopped them.

But it was obvious that it was only a matter of time before Deidara exploded. Literally.

The aged man sighed, filling out three separate papers. Deidara would need trainers- professionals who could help the poor boy out.

One was a bomb specialist, an aged veteran named Hyuuga Hiro who would also be helping with the boy's chakra control. The man had been recommended by the head of the Hyuuga clan himself and had a reputation that preceded him. The second was a taijutsu master- Maito Gai to help the boy in his physical aspect. The third was an ANBU, Uchiha Eiji who specialized in genjutsu. Sarutobi hoped that this would allow the boys to tell when they were in a genjutsu and how to get out of them. And the last was a medic-nin, the widow of the late Haruno Damasu, Yukika who had requested to teach the boys some basic kenjutsu on the side of their medical training.

Sarutobi didn't think the boys had any aptitude for medic but at least they would know what they were looking for and not taking stabs in the dark.

And he silently hoped this kept Deidara too busy to teach the kids anything more dangerous.

He also hoped to set Deidara up in the Academy. The boy needed to be around those his own age, not just the worker's of the Hokage Tower and Naruto's age group because really, the adults seemed to treat Deidara as a young adult and the kids were just too impressible.

Sighing once more he estimated that it would take about a week to process everything, but he hoped everything went together well.

Putting down the papers the man frowned at another form. While on the hunt for the terrorist, one of his squads found what appeared to be another lab Orochimaru had abandoned. They had yet to enter this one, on grounds that the last lab had been teeming with traps, one that had killed many of his men, and the experiments in there still haunted them all.

But leaving it alone was likely to cause more harm than good so with a heavy heart he filled out an order to have it checked. After that the elderly man stretched, glad to finally call it a day. Deidara had been here the day before so he had nowhere near the normal amount to do.

Looking at the time Sarutobi grinned. It was time to head to the Inuzuka compound to help with preparations.

* * *

"Thanks for coming Deidara-kun." Kumiko gushed, wrapping bouquets in fine, shiny ribbons and paper.

"No problem." The boy grunted.

"Oh, I'm just so happy these flowers can have some purpose! At least I'm not throwing them away now."

The boy nodded, wrapping the large bouquets. He'd been here for about an hour, wrapping the flowers for the birthday party. He honestly didn't think flowers were appropriate for a boy's party, but Naruto would more then likely find the gesture kind.

And it really did help with Kumiko's dying flora problem.

A ding was heard, making Kumiko straighten up. "Oh! The dango I'm making for the party is ready! I'll be back in a few."

Deidara rolled his eyes. Kumiko was just plain scatter-brained at times. Resuming his work and refocusing on his chakra exercise Deidara ignored the second bell ringing, seeing how Kumiko was already in the kitchen so he just focused on the stupid tie in front of him.

"Ahem."

_Why does she need these dumb things tied again?_ Deidara muttered mentally.

"Ahem."

_Seriously, they are going to get trashed at the party! Why go to all this work?_

"Ahem."

_Must be a woman thing-_

"A-HEM!"

Jerking, Deidara looked up to see a somewhat annoyed silver-haired boy that looked slightly older then Hana.

"Oh, uh, sorry. Got kinda caught up in what I was doing." Deidara greeted, discreetly hiding his rock.

The teen smiled. "I need a flower."

_No really? I thought you came here for porn._ Deidara's cold voice snarked inwardly but outwardly he kept a neutral face. "Anything in particular?"

"No. Any will do."

Picking out lavender Deidara held it up. "Like this one?"

The teen nodded, smiling in approval.

"Just the one, sir?" Deidara asked.

"Yes, that should do." The teen replied though he enthusiastically looked about.

Deidara went about collecting the flower, the silver-haired teen watching him now. Getting the flower back to the counter Deidara tried to ignore the blatant staring.

After nearly five minutes, Deidara turned to the smiling teen.

"What?" the blonde said with a frown, leaning against the counter.

The teen seemed to consider something for a moment before giving a charming smile.

"You're really hot, cutie."

Deidara twitched, giving the older boy a nasty glare that could dissolve lead it was so acidic.

"I'm a boy, dumbass."

What the teen said next though not only wiped Deidara's glare away, it also caused him to pale and develop goose bumps.

"I know, handsome." The silver-haired teen said in a sultry voice, giving Deidara a 'come-hither' look.

Deidara was suddenly standing next to the door, giving the teen a wide berth and a very terrified look.

"Kumiko-san!" Deidara said in a high voice, not daring to take his eyes off the teen that was now winking at him and making a kissy face.

The moment the woman came into view Deidara spoke very hastily about needing to tend to the flowers in the back before taking off like some evil was chasing him.

The Yamanaka blinked before focusing on her costumer who looked somewhat perplexed.

"That's odd. The book said they respond happily to those kinds of things. Maybe I missed something…?" the teen muttered to himself, pulling out a 'How to Make Relationships: Both Platonic and Intimate' and thumbed through it.

Kumiko stared for a moment at the odd sight before speaking. "Uh, sir? Is this your flower?"

The teen didn't look up, but nodded.

"I'll finish wrapping it up then. Um… If you don't mind me asking, why did my employee just run away like that?"

The silverette looked up, obsidian eyes staring at her as his face scrunched up in a look of stymie.

"I read in this book that pretty people liked it when you complemented on their looks and called them pet names. I tried that out on your employee and the result was… not what I expected."

Kumiko repressed the laughter that threatened to bubble up, settling for an amused smile.

"My employee is a boy."

Instead of the expected reaction of shock, the teen said, "I already knew he was male, even before he informed me of that himself. I was just trying to make friendly conversation."

Kumiko blinked. _Well that explains Deidara-kun's reaction_. "Were you reading in the intimate section?"

"Yes."

"Then why did you say you were trying to just be friendly?"

"I don't understand the difference between platonic and intimate when it comes to relationships."

Kumiko just stared, trying to see if the teen was pulling her leg. Seeing that he was not, Kumiko wondered just what rock the poor boy had been living under to not know the difference.

"You don't use the intimate section if you just want to be friendly. If you wanted a friendly conversation try talking about the weather or recent events."

"Then what's the intimate part for?"

Kumiko stared blandly before answering. "Intimate is often used for seduction."

Enlightenment bloomed on the teens face, followed by a smile. "Ohhhh! That's why he got all phobic! Gotta admit though, his reaction was amusing."

Kumiko stared once more. _He's got to be at least fifteen, fourteen at the most. How the hell does he not know this?_

As though reading her mind, the teen gave a sheepish shrug.

"I have lived a _very_ sheltered life."

_No kidding._ Kumiko smiled though, handing over the flower. "The flower will be 45 yen, sir."

As the boy brought out his wallet, Kumiko grinned wider. "Were you reading the book to get a better idea how to talk to girls? Is that what the flower is for?"

"No, I was getting it for my brother. He's unwell and I read that getting flowers helps them recover faster. I bought this book out of boredom."

"Oh." Kumiko said, looking surprised.

Paying, the teen grinned at her. "Well thanks! And sorry about your employee- honest misunderstanding!"

And with that he left.

_What a weird fellow._ Kumiko thought. Turning she called through the door. "Deidara-kun! He's gone! You can stop hiding now!"

A moment later Deidara came out, glaring. "I wasn't hiding. I was checking the plants. Un."

Kumiko smiled. "I'm sure. Let's finish up here, neh? We still have the rest of the party to do!"

* * *

Outside of the shop the teen walked away, nose in his book. Once he was a considerably far distance from the Flower shop he sun shined away. A moment later he stood before his commander, the silverette's face blanker than a sheet of paper.

"Report." The wizened man said.

The teen knelt. "The target, Uzumaki Deidara is a bit inattentive. He wasn't aware of my presence till I made a noise. Afterwards he seemed hyperaware of my presence, barely taking his eyes off of me."

"Would you say he was a threat?"

The boy blinked slower before continuing. "Not in a conventional manner, sir."

"Explain."

"I have been studying him for the three weeks sir, and all I can say is he isn't normal. He's somewhat paranoid, seeing how he started setting traps in his home, but after the last few months that can be understandable. He does not appear to have any formal training but he has apparently found some materials and has been training himself when he thinks no one is looking. He also seems to be intelligent, and I have reason to believe that he has a unique metacognition, seeing how he has contrasted and combined an Iwa and Konoha chakra exercise after reading up on them. He is also dogmatic about his Art."

The old man frowned. "Art?"

"Apparently he believes detonating explosives is a form of art. He is so doctrinaire about it that he is intentionally teaching young, pliable children how to create explosives out of household appliances."

"So he is a threat."

"Not necessarily, sir." Seeing his commander gesturing him to continue the teen did. "He appears to be suffering from some sort of malady, and upon deeper searching I have found out that apparently the Jibaku clan would routinely go to an isolated place and unleash their kekkei genkai. The chakra is a highly corrosive and hazardous chemical that, if not properly taken care of causes bouts of insanity and a dire need to destroy ones surroundings. If I am not mistaken he has yet to use his chakra since awakening it, meaning he likely has a severe build-up. The fact he is still functioning, even in a semi-sane manner is quite remarkable."

"I see." The elder man said. _If my man is correct, it's only a matter of time before Konoha is destroyed by a boy that is rapidly losing his mind. I have to push for his training to come earlier. Yukika will be training him, but what of the others? Sarutobi isn't fool enough to give the boy a moments rest if he knew how unstable the boy is, so more than likely he will give him trainers that will force the boy to exert himself physically and mentally._

"Anything else?"

"Just one," the teen said, frowning ever so slightly. "Uzumaki-san appears to be very attached to his younger brother. If anything ill happens towards the boy, Uzumaki-san reacts… violently. Also he appears to have a 'mild' case of haphephobia, though it doesn't seem to come into effect when the younger brother touches him."

_I already knew about his over-protective nature, the phobia is a new one. He's afraid of being touched? _Nodding the old man spoke. "Very well. Restock your supplies and continue your surveillance of the boy."

"Yes, Danzo-sama." The teen said before disappearing with a poof.

* * *

The silverette stood in front of a door moments later. The blank mask melted to a look of pure annoyance. It was easy to pretend he had no emotions, easy to lock them up. But when he let them out, he had trouble keeping them off his face and physical movements.

It wasn't that he resented his commander, quite the opposite actually. Danzo-sama had saved him from dying in a muddy old road trench on the outskirts of Ame and made him into something useful. Sure he was a strong ANBU and socially neophyte, but in the grand scheme of things that really didn't matter.

But it was times like this the boy wished he could just sucker punch the old coot.

Opening the door, he was greeted by the sight of a small windowless room full of various paintings with no titles, a bed, isle and nightstand and two heaters.

On the bed was a pale nearly albino boy bundled up under the many comforters there, sound asleep.

The older teen smiled adoringly. Though they weren't related by blood, the silverette loved the younger boy as though he was his real family. Attachments were frowned upon in Root, due to Danzo-sama believing they were a hindrance.

Everyone in Root had no names, only alias'. They didn't exist, and if they fell, no one cared. They were unfeeling tools.

The nameless teen would never allow anyone to know, but he loved and cared for the boy on the bed.

That was partly why he was feeling resentment towards Danzo-sama. He and the pale boy were to live together, train together and learn together. Age difference wasn't an issue.

But one day he and his adopted brother would be forced to fight each other to the death, just like in Mist. He thought of his quarry, the boy named Uzumaki Deidara and felt even more bitterness.

He had studied the boy long enough to know where the blonde stood. If given the choice between saving Konoha or saving Naruto, Deidara would, without even considering or caring of the consequence, let Konoha burn to the ground.

He resented himself because if given the choice, he was pretty sure he would save Konoha over his own brother. And this sickened him more then he would admit.

His duty was to Konoha, Danzo-sama, and then everything else, but for Uzumaki-san it was Naruto, Art and then anything left worthy of note.

Placing a hand on the pale boy's forehead, the silverette teen was relieved to feel that his temperature had gone done. The boy had been sick for over four days and he could only do so much before his superiors would write up a notice. Most of his superiors were good fellows and would turn a blind eye if one of the younger Root members got sick. Still if the member took too long getting better it could be a sign of weakness and that was simply not tolerated at all and was dealt with, swiftly and efficiently.

He had lost count of how many his teammates died due to 'health issues'.

Placing the flower on the stand the silverette Root scribbled a hasty 'get well' note that he hid in a scroll next to the flower.

Packing only the essentials the teen smiled at the sleeping seven year old before leaving the room. He had a mission to do.

* * *

Naruto laughed insanely, running amok with Kiba and Sasuke behind him. Iruka was dealing with Tenten and Lee in another room after they had tried using one of their annoying classmates for target practice.

Chasing after the laughing trio was a teacher, yelling, "You brats! Get back here!"

The man had been the unfortunate victim of Naruto's latest prank. He was covered from head to waist in blue ink.

Thanks to Deidara's anarchic 'lessons', the children took his lessons of pranking at face value. Pulling pranks was a good thing.

Deidara had told them the preparation for each prank was like planning out and properly executing a mission. Fail to pull it off correctly and you were screwed, but if you were successful…

Out of the corner of his eye, Naruto watched as Chouji ran through the hand seals Sasuke taught him with an eager smile on his chubby face. Sakura and Shikamaru stood behind him as Shikamaru did the countdown and Sakura held the wire. The trio ran past them, and Naruto heard the cry of, "Katon: Gōkakyū no Jutsu!"

The flame wasn't big, barely the size of a grown mans fist. The Chuunin dodged out of instinct, and Sakura pulled the wire. A moment later the man was covered in feathers, looking like an oversized and badly beaten chicken.

Laughing Sasuke yelled, "Run for your lives! It's Clucky the Giant Chicken!"

The Chuunin sputtered turning to chase them but triggered another wire, getting hit by a log.

"The Log saved us!" Kiba crowed, his grin threatening to split his face.

"WHAT ARE YOU KIDS DOING?" yelled a familiar voice. The trio skirted to a halt, still grinning up as Iruka came into view.

Taking in the scene, Iruka felt the need to scream but resisted. Glaring at the kids Iruka pointed to the classroom. "Class. Now."

The kids all ran, laughing as they went. Iruka checked on the Chuunin. Seeing how the man was suffering a concussion he dragged him to the infirmary and made it back to the class in record time. He wasn't a teacher yet but after seeing the mess these kids were making he was honestly re-thinking about becoming one.

Sighing he walked into the classroom.

And was promptly dosed in water.

The class laughed vociferously, and Iruka felt his resolve not to cause bodily harm slipping.

Looking up calmly, Iruka spoke. "Recess time. Go play outside."

A cheer rang out and like a swarm of bees the kids were out. The teen ran after them, muttering, "Now I know why parents take medication. I would too if any of these kids were mine."

Finally making it out Iruka spotted Naruto and his ring of friends. They were all talking animatedly, laughing and enjoying each other's company.

Iruka sighed, wondering if this was karma for all the hell he and his teammates caused as Genins. Mentally he went over what he knew about these kids.

The newest member was Hyuuga Hinata heiress of the Hyuuga clan. Though shy, she clung to Naruto and seemed very protective of him. This protective nature showed itself when some of the older kids tried to pick on him.

Iruka still winced at the memory of that timid girl giving a fierce juken-empowered kick to their groins.

The second most timid child was Akamichi Chouji. The boy seemed to have low self-esteem, though recently it had improved noticeably. He was a friendly boy and Iruka would have liked to say he was the least dangerous, but that would have been a lie. Deidara had taught the boy that making a name for yourself often acted as a protective shield from bullies, as demonstrated when he hung those two teens arse-naked in the middle of the market place. Then Sasuke, wanting to be friendly, taught the chubby boy a Katon jutsu. This lead to Chouji becoming a pyromaniac, having set a building on fire. It was written up as an accident, but those at Inuzuka compound knew otherwise.

Next on the list was Nara Shikamaru. The boy was as motivated as a dead sloth, but was most likely to be the richest of his peers by the time he hit puberty thanks to Naruto's insane good luck. Naruto's luck never failed, and when this was applied to gambling he always won; this lead to Shikamaru always betting on whatever Naruto betted on, or on Naruto himself, earning him quite a bit of cash. Coupled with the fact Shikamaru seemed to be able to come up with dozens of plans in minutes for any scenario, he was also the one who found the holes in any plan they had, and fixed it.

Uchiha Sasuke was by far the most ambitious of his peers. Due to his knack for extortion, Sasuke had gotten his hands on two books titled _'Devil's Handbook'_ and _'The Book of Nabiki' _and practically absorbed them. Thanks to these books, he had started what he lovingly dubbed the 'Slave-Pyramid'; a process that involved him blackmailing someone into blackmailing another for him, and in turn that person blackmailing another for him, making a chain of conscripted servitudes Sasuke had under his command. So far most of the older kids at the Inuzuka compound had become his 'servants', too afraid to try anything. Only Tenten was immune to this, and that was because Sasuke had a monster crush on her. Iruka labeled him as a soul-sucking leech that doubled as a stalker with a possible masochist trait, seeing how Sasuke was always eager to spar with Tenten, which more often than not lead to him getting his butt kicked soundly, though he always looked so happy at nearly getting pulverized by her.

Tenten despite being female was most likely the manliest of the group. A weapon nutcase- er, enthusiast, the girl knew more about weapons then most experts, and expressed a deep desire to become a master in all forms of weaponry. The girl looked positively giddy when Deidara decided to get her an apprenticeship to the nearby blacksmith who also offered basic training for various weapons. Iruka was almost positive Deidara did this so the blonde could have his own weapons smith in the future, but Deidara neither confirmed nor denied this, nor did he admit to having Sasuke blackmail the man by telling the raven haired boy that Tenten really wanted that apprenticeship.

Rock Lee was a hard working dedicated boy who seemed to have a great deal of trouble doing genjutsu and ninjutsu. This lead to Deidara giving him a scroll on a unique fighting style called Capoeira. This fighting style looked like a complicated dance and was without a doubt a dangerous and difficult one to master. Lee just loved challenges. He also seemed to love pick-pocketing too, something Deidara thought he'd like.

Yamanaka Ino was a chatty girl, much like her mother. Recently she had been pouring over the first of her family techniques, trying so hard to get it down. She had moments when she was shallow and moments where she was thoughtful. For whatever reason, she firmly believed that Deidara was her legit brother and by proxy so was Naruto. Deidara seemed to find her annoying due to her wanting his attention on her, often sparking a rivalry between her and Naruto over Deidara's affections. When not fighting over Deidara, Ino was overly protective of Naruto, calling him her 'otouto-chan'.

Inuzuka Kiba was a rambunctious boy, and seemed to be on par with Sasuke on finding materiel on people and utilizing it for his own means. Due to being an Inuzuka the boy had a deep sense of loyalty, he viewed his friends as people to protect and found having an info-net of sorts easier to keep track of people. Unlike Sasuke, Kiba did this only to people he viewed as potential threats to his friends and Deidara, who he had an obsessive crush on. Deidara had made it perfectly clear to Naruto why his friends were not allowed near their home, saying it could be dangerous to travel all the way out there. Iruka was nearly a hundred percent sure he just didn't want the kids to know because Kiba would start stalking him at home as well as at the compound. Deidara found the boy's crush creepy but could have lived with it had it not been for the shower incident at the compound.

Haruno Sakura was by far the most level-headed of the group, often being the voice of reason. This was not a good thing since Iruka was fairly sure the girl suffered from a mental disorder of some kind, seeing how she tended to go from pacifistic, gentle girl to a wild-eyed, violent juggernaut with a dirty mouth in a split second. She was very intelligent and possessed a sharp wit and tongue. She was often found with her nose in a book when she wasn't playing shogi with Shikamaru, and acted and was treated by her friends as the big sister of the group, having gained the title 'Saku-nee', mostly from Sasuke and Naruto.

Then there was Uzumaki Naruto, his pseudo little brother. The boy had taken a strong interest in many forms of arts though still had a love for pranks, something his friends enjoyed too. He seemed happier and his smiles were more genuine since he met Deidara. Truth be told, Iruka didn't like Deidara but was glad he had came into Naruto's life. The boy studied more, was more focused and seemed to grow even more confident each day, though Deidara made sure it never got to the point of arrogance. If Iruka had to place where the boy stood with his friends, he'd say he was a second-in-command, seeing how all the kids listened to him though not nearly as acutely as they did to Deidara.

As for Deidara…

All the children adored Deidara and saw him as their brother, mentor, sempai, crush and coolest guy they all inspired to be. And the idea of a bunch of Deidara-wannabe's running around causing hell made a shiver go down the Chunin's spine.

Strangely enough, despite all this, the children had somehow retained some of their innocence and were a tight-knit bunch. Some acted older and some acted their age and most seemed to use their 'gifts' as a conduit to relieve anxieties they have or events they suffered.

All in all, they're not a bad lot.

Meanwhile with Naruto groups;

"I say we T.P. the teachers' lounge, and coat the chairs and couches in itching powder." Ino whispered in a conspiring way.

Tenten shook her head. "Nah, lets wrap the toilets."

"How about we put laxatives in everyone's drinks?" Shikamaru suggested from his resting place.

"W-we could always put paint bombs in the desks." Hinata said quietly, getting used to her new friend's antics.

"How 'bout we slip them a micky, put them in questionable positions in one of those seedy houses, snap a couple pictures and add them to my Slave-Pyramid?" Sasuke grinned.

"You're gonna do that anyway, so let's try something else." Naruto waved off.

The kids continued to come up with plots, all but the blonde boy fighting the urge to tell him about the party that was being planned. Each one had a gift that they had stashed at the Inuzuka compound the day previous and had decided to keep Naruto occupied till he got to the compound.

"Hey, what are they doing?" Chouji voiced. The children turned to where their friend was pointing.

A couple of the older kids were picking on a boy around their age and by the looks of things, it was about to spiral out of control.

"Bullies." Lee said and he, Hinata, Sakura and Chouji grimaced. They were the most often picked on so they all shared a mutual dislike for bullies. Granted they haven't bothered them since Deidara made those two teens into examples, but still.

Though now they more often then not ran like frighten rats whenever they saw any of the kids, due to each having unique (and often traumatizing) skills that got those bullies into hell or high water.

"Dumb bastards." Sakura muttered, everyone agreeing with her.

"Let's help him!" Chouji exclaimed, his fingers itching to go into his favorite katon sign.

As the group got close, they saw that one of the bullies had a pair of sunglasses held high in the air.

The boy was the children's age, wearing a high collared gray coat and had bushy brunette hair. His eyes were slanted and a dark opaque color that stared in an aloof manner at the older boys. The children recognized him as an Aburame; after attending the classes in their compound it was not hard to tell the Aburames from the teachers by their unique outfit style that made it nearly impossible to tell one from another, coupled with their aloof and cold mannerism.

A ring leader of the bullies grinned nastily. "Aw, did I take your glasses?"

The second bully looked scared. "Yuichi, cut it out. Seriously! He's an Aburame! Give it back or he'll send his bugs to get you!"

Yuichi scoffed. "He's a small fry!"

Naruto (along with his friends) snorted. Was that guy an idiot? They were in the heart of the Aburame's home! The only reason they didn't play pranks on them was because they were being gracious in letting them learn here! You don't spit at the guy serving your meal!

Suddenly a low buzzing was heard, causing everyone to become quiet. Soon the buzzing grew in volume and the three bullies backed away from the boy who was starting to become swarmed with insects.

Very calmly, as though creepy-crawlies were not coming out of his body in droves, the boy spoke in a clipped tone.

"Please return my glasses. Now."

Yuichi, frightened at the army of bugs threw the glasses and ran with his cohorts. The glasses landed in front of Naruto who picked them up.

The insects quickly returned within him and soon the cloud of bugs disappeared, leaving just the boy. Turning he looked at the group of children, all who were gaping at him.

"Please give those back." He said in a polite tone, holding out his hand.

Naruto stared dumbly, not blinking. Then suddenly to the Aburame's surprise, a grin that threatened to take his head off split across the blonde's face. To the Aburame's growing shock the smile was mirrored by all his companions.

"That was totally wicked!" Naruto yelled, running over to the stunned boy. Soon the boy was surrounded by the other children.

"Holy hell, man! Those guys must have crapped themselves!"

"That was so cool!"

"You really showed them!"

"Yosh! You were amazing!"

"Th-that was good!"

"You terrified them without even touching them!"

"(BLEEP)ing awesome!"

"Saku-nee! Danna says no swearing unless we're singing! But I totally agree with you; that was freakin' epic!"

"Niiiiice."

The boy's eyes were still uncovered so it wasn't hard at all to see the look of pure shock on the boys face.

"…thank you?" he said, looking very much like he was unsure of how to respond to the attention.

Naruto handed him his glasses, which he gratefully took and put back on. Having placed the glasses on, the boy looked ready to leave but found he couldn't due to the number of kids that surrounded him. Naruto, sensing his growing nervousness gave the best reassuring smile he could.

"Really, you were great. I'm Uzumaki Naruto, next Hokage and fledgling artist, yeah."

Taking their cue the others began the introducing.

"I'm H-Hyuuga H-Hinata, Naruto-kun's friend."

"Haruno Sakura. I enjoy reading, shogi and studying under Deidara-san."

"Rock Lee! Practitioner of taijutsu and pocket rummager!"

"Yamanaka Ino. Deidara-nii-sama and otouto-chan's sister!"

"Nara Shikamaru…hi."

"Akamichi Chouji. I like food and fire. And setting things on fire."

"Inuzuka Kiba! Keeper of All-Things-Pertaining-Deidara-sama!"

"Tenten, put it there. I enjoy using weapons and pinning bullies to walls and using them as target practice."

"I'm Uchiha Sasuke. I enjoy destroying reputations, making a mockery of rules and have absolutely no qualm making people's lives a wreck if it suits me or enslaving them with evidence. Let's be friends."

The boy blinked behind his shades, a little stunned by the unusual greetings. Giving a jerky nod he responded.

"Aburame Shino…I like…bugs?"

The kids smiled at him, and he hesitantly returned it.

* * *

Shibi had seen his son scare off the older children. He couldn't help but sigh. Being an Aburame wasn't easy; people outside of their clan treated them with extreme caution. Whenever an Aburame would walk down the street no matter the age, people would give them a wide berth, moving out of their way even going the opposite just to avoid them. On missions they were treated like a plague, by both enemy and ally. Thanks to this, any child born within the clan often didn't make many friends outside of the clan and were either reviled or picked on by other children. Shibi himself only had two friends outside of the clan and they were his former Genin teammates.

So it was perfectly understandable that when a crowd of young kids swarmed his son, congratulating him on chasing off the bullies and wanting to be friends that Shibi's eyebrows shot up- the equivalent of his jaw dropping.

He recognized most of the children and was doubly surprised to count nine kids total who had not only seen his son use his bugs, but found it amazing. Shino, having only a couple of cousins he played with and was rather mature and detached for a seven year old looked startled and out of his depths as kids wanted him to play with them.

Seeing the Uzumaki boy, Shibi frowned as he recalled the last meeting. There had been complaints from various people that the elder Uzumaki was a bad example to their kids, the loudest being Akamichi Choza. Apparently his son had developed a disturbing love for arson and had been found near a building he lit up, grinning like it was the most superb thing that he had ever seen.

Apparently the ten year old had some students of his own whom, if they continued under his tutelage, would more than likely end up being infamous around the Elemental Countries when they got older- possibly bat-shite insane.

He had been wary to have the younger brother of such a person here (his Jinchuuriki status didn't mean much to him, seeing how he could relate to having something reside in him) and after witnessing the pranking he was ready to have Shino privately tutored.

But seeing these kids, this bunch of happy misfits wanting to play with Shino even after he showed his bugs and to see the beginning of a smile on his son's face Shibi decided that for now he'd turn a blind eye to any of the other kid's unusual hobbies.

Meanwhile, looking down at the group of children another child watched in distain. _I don't understand,_ he thought in annoyance. _Every one of them is a loser yet they seem to get stronger every time I see them! This unfortunately had been a lot as of late._ He mentally grumbled before giving a certain heiress a withering stare.

He had been assigned to watch over Hinata, something he somewhat resented. Ever since uncle let Hinata spend time with them, she had been getting bolder! It's like she's getting stronger!

But how? He knew the Uzumakis had something to do with it, but didn't know exactly what.

Watching the children play he pushed away the feeling of jealousy he felt at watching his cousin laugh and play with others, reminding himself that his duties came before his own childish wishes. Hyuuga Neji quietly did his duty as a member of the branch family and watched on.

Elsewhere watching, Iruka paled at the sight. _Oh kami! They've got another one!_

* * *

Tsume was ready to murder Deidara. When the boy and Kumiko had come in carrying flowers, the kid had gone and took over the kitchen and in a matter of minutes had the four helpers who had been cooking storm off, muttering about nasty brats who thought they were better than everyone else.

Grant it, Tsume knew he was one helluva cook but this was a five course meal! The brat was going to need help and she would be damned if Deidara's attitude ruined Naruto's big day.

So she sent Hana and Itachi in to help (Hana because Tsume would drown the boy in his cake batter if she went, and Itachi because he was free today and had nothing to do till he had to go and pick up Sasuke) and prayed the stubborn blonde wouldn't send them away too.

Hoping for the best she returned to her own project.

Meanwhile in the kitchen:

Hana looked over at Itachi, who was staring warily at the furious blonde who had managed to make the flour explode and had coated himself and the wall and counter in the powdery whiteness.

After a moment Hana spoke up. "Hey Dei-kun?"

"What?" snarled the blonde.

"We're here to help. What can we do?" She said gently, hoping he would calm down. Was it her imagination or did his eyes look purplish?

"You can hunt down a silver-haired freak, skin the silver-haired freak and then dip him into rubbing alcohol and then set him ablaze! UN!"

Hana wasn't sure what to make of that but nodded all the same.

Itachi sighed, grabbing the whisk and started adding something to a half-made bowl of pudding.

Hana blinked. "Uchiha-san, you can cook?"

"Yes. I'm good at sweet things but not meals."

Deidara glared at him. "Stay on that counter. I don't want pudding in my cake batter."

"It's ruined enough without my help." Itachi spoke. He was annoyed by the younger boy who was acting like a brat, making him irritable. He was also a bit miffed over not spending quality time with Hana, and even more upset over the fact Sasuke had been blackmailing various members of the clan.

Deidara slammed his bowl on the counter, glaring angrily at the apathetic Jounin. Hana was sure now that his eyes were a slight purple. Had they always been like that?

"Get. Out." Deidara seethed.

Itachi fixed him a bland look. "No."

"Um, boys. Let's not fight. We still got plenty to do!" Hana said trying to sound chipper but the atmosphere was getting thick with clashing moods.

"He is just upset because he can't cook under pressure."

This set off Deidara's competitive nature. Hana didn't know how, but within the hour the kitchen had gotten destroyed as the two boys made by far the most beautiful cake and dessert she had ever seen.

When Tsume came in later, she nearly screamed at the sight of her kitchen in ruins. More for their safety than anything else, Hana ordered Deidara to go pick up Naruto and the others with Itachi.

The two fled, not wanting to be on the bad end of a peeved off Tsume. After a while the duo slowed down, leisurely walking on the abandoned streets.

Itachi sighed. "We will need to apologize when we get back. We took things too far with our idiotic feud."

"I told them I just needed to cool off but noooo; they had to send in him. I mean seriously! I teach kids that are less of a pain-in-the-arse then this guy. Why don't they see that I'm good enough?" Deidara muttered but Itachi heard it nonetheless.

"Perhaps if you tried being more responsible and not teach such unstable things, people would be more willing to accept your word."

"Like I care what they say. They can all go to hell." _Maybe not hell, but somewhere equally damning would do._ "I am just fine the way I am! So quite being an arse about my methods!"

Suddenly the world around them shifted and morphed. Deidara blinked, feeling a blade at his throat.

"You are such a brat." Itachi said from behind, holding the blade. Removing the blade the older boy walked forward.

"Perhaps Naruto would be better off with someone like me as a brother figure. Kami knows you don't fill the role. Then you'd be able to focus on that hack job you call art."

Deidara felt rage build up in him. Rage at the homo at the flower shop, rage at falling for such a stupid trick, rage over that bastard saying he wasn't fit to be Naruto's brother, and that he called his art a hack job!

Snarling Deidara hissed, "At least I teach them useful things. And unlike you Red-Eyes, I gave your brother a goal to work towards, instead of poking him in the forehead and breaking my promises like some lying jerk."

Itachi halted in his steps. Ever since Deidara had come into their life, Sasuke had spent less and less time with him devoting a lot of his time with his friends and to Deidara's questionable lessons. And when they did spend time together, Sasuke was constantly going on about 'Deidara-Danna this' or 'Deidara-Danna that' and quite frankly it pissed him off to no end because he wasn't the only person Sasuke admired anymore. No he had to share that title with Deidara.

Turning, he glared at the blonde, shaking slightly with repressed anger.

Deidara grinned. "Did I hit a nerve? Un?"

"Brat."

"Arsehole."

And in that moment, a rivalry was formed between to immoveable wills, both dead set on not losing to the other.

* * *

The day went on with Iruka in a perpetual fear that the boy Shino would become the next menace child, once more wondering what he did to deserve this.

When it was finally time to go to Naruto's surprise party, Iruka was amazed to see both Itachi and Deidara at the entrance. As he and the children approached, he couldn't help but shiver, knowing it had nothing to do with the weather.

Both boys were glaring at each other, and Iruka swore he saw lighting crackling between then.

Upon hearing them Deidara turned, smiling with more teeth then necessary. "Umino! Take the others, will ya? I wanna walk with Naruto for a while."

Iruka, against his better judgment took the others, Itachi helping.

Silently the two blondes walked to the compound. Normally Naruto was chattering away about the day's events but without his friends there to distract him he was keeping a wary eye out for anyone and everything that might want to 'Demon Hunt'. Deidara on the other hand was struggling over whether or not to give his present now or wait till he got to the party.

Deidara sighed as he fiddled with the pocket that held his gift. Maybe he should wait, just a bit longer. Turning to his abnormally silent brother Deidara gave his patent friendly smile (meaning he was grinning like a menace) as he spoke.

"So how was today, un?"

Naruto turned, grinning happily. "It was great! We pranked two of the teachers again!"

Deidara bopped him gently on the head. "Idiot. Don't prank 'em too much! They have to teach you, ya know!"

Rubbing his head, Naruto gave a winsome grin. "But you're a waaaay better teacher then they are!"

"I know, but they may have a technique I don't know so it's better to glean what you can from 'em."

Naruto honestly didn't think there was a thing Deidara didn't know, but let that slide in order to tell more of his day.

"And we made a friend!"

"Oh really?" Deidara said with a quirky half-smile.

"Yup! His name is Shino and he can control bugs! He's kinda quiet and he seemed sorta weirded out that we wanted to play with him, but he's a really okay guy, yeah."

"I'm going to be seeing him at our little lessons now, aren't I?"

"Yup!"

Soon the duo was in front of the compound. Everything was quiet and the lights were out. Naruto immediately took this as a sign that something was very wrong and grabbed Deidara's arm in an attempt to run back home. Deidara on the other hand saw the tell tale signs of children hiding and smirked. Turning to the ramen-lover Deidara picked him up and placed him on his back.

"Let's rush in." He grinned and Naruto, knowing Deidara wouldn't willingly put him in danger gave a nervous smile. Deidara must have known something he didn't and that there was no danger. At least he hoped.

Deidara opened the front door, Naruto grip around his neck tightening, expecting the worse.

He wasn't expecting the lights to turn on, everyone inside smiling around a banquet with the biggest cake on the other end.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" everyone yelled.

Naruto gaped at the sight, his grip slacking. Deidara twisted him off, nearly laughing at the gob smacked look on Naruto's face. Steadily he maneuvered the shocked boy to the head of the table, everyone wishing him a happy birthday as they passed. Once in the seat, a large bowl of ramen was presented before the young blonde.

Deidara frowned slightly as Naruto continued to stare, as though not believing this was happening.

"If ya don't eat, Teuchi and Ayame might get upset seeing how they made that for you." Deidara said casually. He paled when Naruto started crying and everyone looked on in alarm.

"Crap! Um, what's wrong? Why are you crying?" Deidara said and those listening would later find it interesting that Deidara honestly looked panicked.

Wiping the tears away, Naruto gave a kilowatt smile, eyes shining more from happiness then tears. "I've never had a party before. I'm just really happy! Yeah!"

Everyone unknowingly released the breath they were holding, glad they were tears of joy instead of something else.

Deidara grinned, pushing a cup of juice to the blonde. "Well then hurry up and eat! We got games and presents still to do!"

The dinner passed in a blur of festivities, everyone enjoying this rare moment. Eating the cake Deidara made had been a source of much praise and many of the girls were now torn between Itachi, the super hot genius heir of the Uchiha clan or Deidara, the cute charming responsible boy who could cook and clean and was great with kids.

Everyone enjoyed the food (the ANBU having taken pieces of the cake when no one was looking) and before long the games were started.

Many of the adults wondered where some of the games came from because the games 'Finder's Keepers', 'Hit, smack and run' and 'Hide-the-Goods' were new to them.

Then it was time to open presents.

Hana had gotten him an orange jacket with matching pants that had built in mesh, much to Deidara's ire and Naruto's joy.

Itachi gave him an ornamental tanto that had the kanji for 'Courage' and 'Determination'. Deidara ruthlessly squashed the jealousy he felt; momentarily wishing he had a better present.

Teuchi and Ayame gave a month worth of free ramen coupons, making Deidara groan due to the fact that Naruto would want to eat out more.

Iruka had gotten Naruto a book of various artworks, and Naruto beamed at this.

Yukika and Sakura both gave scrolls on medical tips for non-chakra procedure and Sakura added a book on herbs though Yukika did add a book on _Clan's Through out the Nations_. Both Deidara and Naruto appreciated the medical gift, though Deidara glared at the scared woman for the second gift.

Tsume gave Naruto a camera so that he could 'capture more precious moments'. Kiba gave him several films with a note that said 'In case you record something interesting about Deidara-sama'. Deidara was quite proud of himself for not trying to strangle the little stalker-terror.

Tenten and Lee gave him a kunai set, and a huge throwing star that was bigger than the blonde, holster and all.

Hinata shyly gave him a scarf that acted as armor when chakra was pushed in it. Deidara immediately encouraged Naruto to wear it at all times.

Shikamaru gave him a book on poker and gambling, earning a glare from Deidara.

Chouji gave free meal tickets to his favorite BBQ place along with a book titled '1001 Pranks'. Everyone suppressed a shiver at that.

Ino gave Naruto a talisman that had a silver boar, saying that Inochi had put curtain seals on it to prevent minor genjutsu attacks. Another item Deidara encouraged him to wear often.

It was Sasuke's present that made everyone but Deidara stare in surprise. When Naruto tore the wrapping off the large flat item he found a picture. All his friends were in it, sitting around in a semi-circle grinning like loons along with his various family figures, and standing next to him with his cocky grin was Deidara. The blonde turned to the ravenette who shrugged sheepishly.

"Danna said he wanted you to have a family portrait and asked me to help him make it. Trust me it was a pain to get everyone in there but Deidara-Danna was pretty persistent about it."

Sarutobi along with many of the adults couldn't help but smile. Deidara though was fidgeting.

_Should I give him mine now? _He asked himself as he watched Naruto go through the rest of the gifts.

_What if he doesn't like it?_ The childish voice said sounding upset at the idea.

_He will like it._ The cold voice reassured.

_But what if…_ Deidara trailed off, watching Naruto's joy.

_If what?_ The cold voice prompt.

_What if he realizes they aren't who I say they are? I don't want to live the truth, and we're both happy with the lie!_

_Then don't give it to him._

_But-but we want him to have it! We worked so hard on it and shouldn't he get to at least see them?_ The childish voice asked, sounding fretful.

_They aren't who you want them to be, not for him at least. Haven't we lied to him enough?_

_But I want him to meet them. _Deidara thought watching Naruto as he laughed gleefully.

_Even if we outright lie to him?_

_It's not a lie, just a misguided truth._

_A lie is a lie, and sooner or later he will find the truth._

_Don't be silly- I'll never let that happen,_ He thought eyes unknowingly gleaming purple as madness momentarily flickered within them. _Even if I have to turn this world upside-down and destroy it._

Yukika, having been watching Deidara more than anyone else, frowned.

* * *

It was late when the party was finally over. Deidara had sealed the presents into a scroll and Iruka carried Naruto on his back to their home. Deidara continued to fiddle with the present in his coat pocket, mind unusually distracted.

Once there Iruka helped Naruto into bed, Deidara watching unsure not far from them.

He was happy Naruto's day hadn't been a nightmare like his previous ones were and was pretty damn sure he won lots of good deed points for this day, but he was still too nervous to give his present to Naruto.

Once Naruto was in bed, Iruka walked out, giving the blonde a tired smile. "Are you staying up?"

"For a little while. I'm just not quite tired yet, un."

"Well goodnight then. And please don't booby-trap the toilet again."

"I make no promises."

Once alone, Deidara paced the hallway, stopping a few times in front of the door that bore Naruto's name before restarting his track.

_Why the hell am I so frickin' nervous? It shouldn't be hard! I've dealt with scarier things then this!_

_But you never cared what others thought before. You are terrified he won't like it._

_Just do it! You're just giving a present!_

_But the last time we gave a present we ended up engaged._ The cold voiced snarked.

Deidara remembered that, smiling sadly as the image of a firecracker of a red-head popped up, calling him a sweetheart for the present. Like with Naruto, it had been her birthday. She, Tayuya, had been his first and only crush and the only girl he had, on his own accord, asked to marry him when they got older. Being eight at the time he had no clear idea what marriage was, but as time went on he grew to hate the idea of marriage, and found it was unfair for the girl he liked to get stuck in that mess.

She had been the only one he had said goodbye to when he murdered the council and had broken off the engagement to her. She had asked him to take her with him but he refused, perhaps a bit too harshly but he did it so that she could find a better person to be with, not that he told her that.

Had he known she would have reacted as badly to the news as she did, he would have just left a letter because she had been downright frightening when pissed and had been the number one reason he fled Iwa so fast.

Deidara stood in front of the door, staring at the hard wood. Taking a deep breath he opened the door, casting the dark room in light. Naruto was on his bed, a content smile on his face. Walking quietly to the bed Deidara reached to wake him but paused.

_Oh for Art's shake! You're an insane psychopath who kills for fun and gets his jollies from blowing things up with your artwork! Grow a set and give him the dang present!_ The cold voice yelled, surprising both Deidara and the other voice.

Deidara smiled, and reached gently to wake Naruto.

"Myah-uh?" Naruto mumbled, rubbing his eyes. "Nii-san? What time is it? Is something wrong?"

"I…I wanted to give you a present." Deidara said, holding out a flat gift.

Naruto blinked the sleep out of his eyes, staring at the present in the hallway light. It was neatly wrapped in green and blue paper, his name written in sharpie on the front. Taking the present Naruto slowly unwrapped the gift, Deidara feeling more and more nervous with each sound of the paper crinkling.

Slowly Naruto removed the last of the obstructing paper, and stared.

It was a picture. Not unlike the one Sasuke made out but this one looked somewhat old. In it was a man in casual garb that looked like an adult version of Deidara, though the eyes were notably not almond shaped. Next to him was a bewitching beauty, with long chestnut hair, sparking almond shaped hazel eyes with freckles and between them was a four year old bright eyed smiling Deidara.

And in the woman's arms was a bundle, with a blonde haired sleeping baby in it. Looking a bit closer Naruto realized that the baby had whisker marks on his face.

"Nii-san," Naruto started, wide awake. "Are those our…?"

"Yeah Fishcake, that's Mom and Dad. Un."

Naruto face was blank as he just continued to stare at the photograph, drinking in the images of parents he had never met. A slow strange smile found its way onto Naruto's lips, eyes memorizing every detail of the picture.

"Momma is beautiful…and Papa looks so strong…" Naruto choked, emotion thick in his voice.

"Naruto-" Deidara couldn't say anything else due to Naruto suddenly throwing himself at him, gripping him in a fierce hug as he held the picture protectively, tears falling down his face.

Deidara freaked at the sight. "Why are you crying again? I thought you'd want to see them, but if it makes you sad or something, I can remove it-"

Naruto, still fiercely hugging him spoke, his voice thick with emotion. "I never knew what they looked like. I always guessed, and tried to imagine what they looked like. So, so thank you. For letting me see them, yeah."

Deidara smiled, hugging back.

After a few minutes Deidara let go, putting Naruto back to bed. The picture was placed on Naruto's side table, right next to the bed.

"Goodnight Nii-san." Naruto said happily, snuggling under the blankets.

"Night, Fishcake."

Deidara quietly closed the door, a smile on his face. Going through the house Deidara turned off lights and set up traps. As he went to set a trap up by the window, he caught movement. A moment later Yukika could be seen. She pointed to the front before heading that way herself.

Deidara frowned. It was almost midnight! What the heck did Scar-Bitch want?

Knowing she would most likely walk in if he didn't see her, the boy went to the front door and disarmed the traps before heading out.

Once outside he shivered at the cold October air. Not far Yukika stood, leaning against a tree. Mentally grumbling he walked over, glaring at the crazy woman.

"What?" he snarled, suppressing another shiver as a particularly cold breeze nipped at him.

Yukika threw a bag at him, to which he deftly caught.

"Put that on and follow me- we have training to do." She said curtly turning.

Deidara took note of her outfit and found she, instead of wearing her traditional at-home clothing, was wearing a long purple billowy sleeved shirt with black pants and a pale blue flat jacket over the shirt, and a tanto was strapped to her side.

"The ANBU are busy for the next couple of hours so it'll give us some time to train."

"Train what?" Deidara asked, pulling on a flat jacket and some forearm guards and shin guards.

"I am here to teach you kenjutsu. Normally this is done during the day but I need to test you now so I can properly work out a good regiment."

"And this had to be done in the dead of night? I thought you said we'd be doing it soon, not right after the party."

The woman turned a frankly creepy smile on her face. "It's more effective this way."

Waving towards the house she continued in a careless tone. "We could also practice out here on your lawn but the noise may wake Naruto-kun and your minder."

Grunting Deidara followed the woman deeper into the woods. He didn't have any clay on him and thanks to the demons chakra his skills were off. He hated being outmaneuvered.

"This is a good place to practice." Yukika said, stooping. The woods were thick and even in the cool October weather the trees held their leaves like protective shields.

Deidara glared at the woman who turned. She didn't seem to notice as she took out her tanto, throwing it over at Deidara. Hesitantly he picked it up, eyes on Yukika the whole time.

"I want to get an idea on your strength and capitalize them. Now attack me."

Deidara stared at her, looking for any weapons on her person. Finding none he assumed she had them hidden in her large sleeves, since she didn't seem like the kind to wear unpractical clothing.

"Attack at anytime." She said, looking at him coolly.

Deidara held the tonto in hand; glad he was wearing gloves as he would more than likely be biting the handle.

_Hit her on her burned side, the eye there is somewhat damaged and could be exploited._ The cold voice advised.

Deidara sprung forward with more power than he had anticipated, the ground below him exploding in a shower of dirt and grass.

He was upon her in an instant, tonto at the ready, swinging up in an arch. This blade was intercepted by a blade that protruded from the hidden depth of Yukika's sleeves. Giving into instinct, his leg shot out, kneeing her in the gut. He barely contained the yelp in his throat when his knee connected into something solid. Yukika smirked, backhanding him away from her as he was focused on the pain.

Instead of landing on his back as she predicted, he corked-screwed in midair, wincing as his body protested such movements before roughly landing on his feet before shooting forward again, tonto swinging at her side. Yukika blocked this but didn't see the fist that smashed into her face until it was too late.

Deidara grunted in pain. It felt like he had punched a slab of rock, not flesh. And to add salt to the wound Yukika's head didn't even turn from the blow as she smiled down at him.

"You're dead." She said simply. Looking down he found her white blade posed to gut him.

"You are far too impatient and rash. You favor hit and run tactics as well as decoy. You have a lot of power behind your blows though you have absolutely no form, but that's to be expected since you are a long range fighter, not close."

Releasing him, Yukika retracted her blade, smiling platonically as she listed notes. Deidara on the other hand winced as he felt his knuckles bruise and his body ache from forcing it to perform moves it no longer remembered.

Yeah, he hated being so weak.

"I think I have a good idea on how we should proceed in your training, plus some meditation would do you wonders."

Deidara glared, throwing her blade at her. He barely blinked and she was suddenly behind him, the blade he had thrown pressed against his throat.

"Jibaku-san. Please rein in your temper and learn some courtesy. Because if you don't, I will be more than happy to beat it into you."

Grabbing his hand, Deidara hissed as it became enveloped in green chakra, healing his hand.

Letting go, she walked off, smiling. "Get some sleep. The Hokage wishes to speak to you in the morning."

Deidara watched as she disappeared. "…crazy psycho-bitch."

* * *

_Just as I thought,_ Yukika fumed as she rushed home. _The boy's eyes do change when he's mad, meaning the seal is faulty! I have to get that Sage-Perv up and moving, and soon! No telling how bad his seal is!_

Despite portraying an image of a well controlled individual (when not pretending to be a stuttering medic), Yukika was far from stable. Generations of schizophrenia and mad scientist like tendencies, conditioned in a brutal war-loving nation had turned her into a weapon.

Humans were weapons, forged to be wielded.

But they were still human, and still capable of breaking.

She knew insanity when she saw it, hell, half of Konoha's military was mad! but this kind of madness was special in that the mental person could, and happily would, wipe out all life in the Land of Fire.

Before the demon's chakra was sealed within him, Deidara was…well, not sane but he was a manageable weapon to work with. Now he was spinning slowly out of control, becoming a vortex of _pandemonium_ and an extra heaping helping of crazy.

The kid was past broken and into flaming shrapnel and more then likely, was going to get worse.

_If things get out of control, we'll take Sakura, and cut our losses!_

_**What about out experiments?**_

_They don't matter! Remember our oath?_

_**Sakura first, our research second, our connections third, anyone else are experiment ingredients.**_

_And don't you forget it!_

* * *

Uchiha Eiji was a fairly new ANBU, having only been started two months ago. He was part of a small squadron that also had his older brother Kenji. They had been assigned to inspect the abandoned lab left by Orochimaru in two days. He was notably nervous because deep in his bones he knew something was going to happen. He hoped it was just nerves, he really did. But ever since his parents died in the Kyuubi attack he had always gotten ill feelings when something very bad was going to happen.

He didn't know why but he felt like this would be the mission that got him killed.

Taking a couple of sleeping pills, he laid in bed, hoping against hope it was just nerves.

* * *

Huge thanks to my new beta, Rose of Doom! Thanks, Rose!

PD


	28. Headaches, Bumps, Bruises and a Demotion

**My Wish Order Brother**

Author: PiperDreamer

Rating: Rated: M

Genre: General, AU

edited: 05/02/12

* * *

Chapter 28: Headaches, Bumps, Bruises and a Demotion

* * *

_Poke._

_Poke._

Deidara duly ignored the chopstick that was being poked at his cheek, too tired to care.

The night previous had been one of massive bruising thanks to Yukika 'training'. Grant it back in Iwa it was common to have a torture specialist teaching class and actually tortu, er, educating them in the various ways of how to harden the body.

Words couldn't describe just how sicken he felt over his current physical state, seeing how he had gone through years of training from hell to get his hard earned abilities, but now had none of the rewards to show for it.

_Poke._

_Poke._

A slight twitch momentarily found itself on his brow, but as before he ignored the chopstick poking him.

He was due to meet the rest of his teachers, who he hoped was like Yukika in training; brutal, efficient and willing to drive him into the ground and then some.

It was a sad sign when getting tortured in the name of training, beaten half to death for sake of duty and mentally scarred beyond comprehension for the greater good reminded you of the good ole days.

_Greater good my-_

_Poke._

_Pok-_SNAP!

Deidara's hand had shot up, the offending chopstick deftly snapped as Deidara turning to the owner of the now broken chopstick.

Naruto blinked once, then twice before speaking. "What's on your mind that caused ya to completely ignore everything around you? Yeah?"

"I'm thinking of how I can improve on my sarcasm. Perhaps with a bowl of ramen, un."

"That would be great!"

"Naruto, he's being- never mind." Iruka sighed before returning to his meal. He had long since decided that Deidara was forever mordant and Naruto forever naive.

"I know, Fishcake. A piping hot bowl of ramen for breakfast. Meal of champions! Alas if we did that we couldn't eat it for lunch or dinner."

"Why not?"

"Wouldn't want to overindulge and give in to our fleshy desires."

"Oh, right. That's that thingie you were talking about, what was it called again?"

"Self control." The older blonde deadpanned.

"Yeah! That!" Naruto's smile immediately morphed to a serious expression. "So what's really wrong?"

Iruka looked up his meal, surprised. _Okay, maybe he was growing out of his naivety._

Deidara yawned, cracking his neck. "I have a bad headache."

It wasn't a lie. He really did have a bad headache. At first he thought it had been Yukika's late-night training but now he wasn't sure. It just hurt and throbbed.

Come to think about it, lately his head had been hurting like mad but he had always written off as just a minor headache. Maybe he should let that doctor, Yakushi, check his neck to see if he was pinching a nerve or something.

After retrieving a new set of chopsticks, Naruto finished his breakfast with gusto and then ran to his room to get dressed and to grab his bag for school.

Deidara was already dressed in his usual clothing, hair once more up in a messy bun as he rested his head on the cool surface of the table.

"Are you alright?" Iruka asked, looking somewhat worried for the blonde across from him. Normally Deidara was quick to mock him at any given opportunity, something he hadn't bothered to even try today. Not to mention he barely touched his own food, and Deidara was a firm believer in eating all your meals.

"Headache, now shut up." came the clipped answer, though Deidara looked a little nauseous.

Iruka frowned but said nothing. It didn't take a genius to realize Deidara was not a morning person, so perhaps he was just responding normally.

He finished breakfast quickly after, just as Naruto came in completely dressed in his new outfit Hana had gotten him along with Hinata's scarf, as well as Ino's talisman. He grinned up at Iruka, looking quite happy.

"Bye, Nii-san!" the smaller blonde said, hugging Deidara tightly. The older blonde gave a lopsided grin, returning the hug.

"Don't get into a fight you can't finish." Was Deidara pearl of wisdom for the day, earning a glare from Iruka.

Once gone, Deidara went about cleaning up and set the traps back up before leaving for the tower. Walking along, he just listens to the sweet silence of the near ghost like buildings around him. The less noise at this point the better, because he was now certain he had a migraine, because he was cursing the sunlight for being painfully bright, making his head hurt more.

"Deidara-kun!"

The boy winced at the noise. _Yup, no doubt it was a migraine. Damn._

Hana ran forward, smiling at her moody friend.

"I was actually looking for you! What luck?"

"Hana, my heads killing me with this migraine, and the Hokage has summoned me. Please be quiet, un." Deidara snapped, walking past her to the tower before stopping dead. Turning around, Deidara stared at her in disbelief.

Hana fidgeted. "What?"

" …are you wearing make-up?"

The girl blushed, not looking at him. "I only had one mission today, that was totally lame by the way, and I thought it would be nice to try my mother's make-up, you know, to see if I look good in it. How do I look?"

Deidara stared at her for several minutes. It wasn't just the make-up, it was her clothes too! Gone were the practical cargo shorts and mesh tank top and over vest with standard shinobi shoes, replaced by a fitting blue sun dress and white sandals with her normal pony tail up in an intricate bun.

Seeing her look like a girl scared him, mostly because she now looked eerily like one of his creepier fiancée's.

"You look…nice, un." He lied smoothly as he tried, and failed, to will her back into her normal look, or at least remove the make-up. Why did girl's need make-up? ! They looked fine without it!

He did not understand why telling his simple answer made her smile like that, but in his personal experience that was never a good thing. Normally it was followed by his much more aggressive, but even more favorable red haired fiancée telling the others to go away before she put their head's into a meat grinder (never that nicely, of course).

Seeing how that wasn't going to happen (and continuously telling himself that this was Hana, not the creepy fiancée that stalked him worse then Kiba) Deidara continued to the tower, Hana walking along with him, a notable spring in her steps.

"So…what's the occasion?" he asked, trying and failing to not look bothered by her new look.

"Ah, nothing really. I just felt like it." Hana replied, twirling a loose bang while giving him a coy smile.

"Really? Not gotten all decked out for somebody?" Deidara grinned, though mentally he was going, _Crap! I know that look! Please tell me you finally realized Itachi's drooling over you and you're trying to figure out a way to date him! Please!_

"Well…maybe for somebody." She said shyly, giving him a look that answered his fears.

_Nooooo! Not you too, Hana! I thought I escaped this when I ran from Iwa!_ The childish side of him wailed piteously.

Since when has she been crushing on him? !

Mentally, he reviewed the pass few weeks, and found a dire need to beat his head into a wall. Ninja and civilian girl's alike tend to see him as a mysterious yet approachable guy who was great with kids, and had remarkable cooking skills (once back in Iwa he had been sent on twenty different D-rank missions to simply cook for the client; out of spite he poisoned half of the food and they still ate it!), not to mention that despite his more effeminate appearance, chances were he was going to look just like his father, who from what he heard had quite the fan club (though they comprised mostly of the scariest, and most freakish women alive who found his hands kinky) and to top it off, Deidara just had a charm about him that made people either like him or hate him.

And after reviewing the last few weeks his behavior around Hana, it could be interpreted as flirting, instead of him acting around a girl he actually liked in a platonic way.

So in a way, he was to blame for giving Hana the wrong impression.

_Either nip this in the bud now or play stupid! Either way, get her to act normal! She's a shinobi, not an adolescent civilian!_ The darker voice yelled.

Deidara toyed with the idea of telling her he was not interested, but seeing how she had gotten dolled up and was extremely nervous right now, he just couldn't do it. Normally he had no trouble telling a girl he just wasn't interested (and found it hilarious when they cried) but he had, begrudgingly, come to see her as an older cousin of sorts.

She was the only girl his age that wasn't a brainless floozie-in-training, and he really wanted to keep her that way because she was good for an intelligent conversation, and quite possibly the only girl he actually cared for in a non-manipulate way.

_Playing dumb it is then._ He thought giving her a disarming smile. "Good for you, Hana-kun. I'm sure the guy doesn't deserve you, but if he makes you happy then I'm not going to complain."

Quickening his steps, he and Hana made it to the tower in good time. Taro was behind the desk and had waved at them, giving them a thumbs-up when he saw Hana dressed up.

Sarutobi was there, going through a reasonable amount of paperwork when they entered. He looked up, surprised to see both of them. "Ah, Deidara-kun, you're early."

Taking in Hana's appearance he grinned. "Were you two on a date?"

Hana sputtered, flushing brightly as Deidara rolled his eyes.

"No, we are not. Hana just felt like getting dressed up nicely, un." Deidara said without any awkwardness, being a seasoned veteran when it came to romantic embarrassments and knew how to avoid them.

Deidara duly ignored how Hana seemed sadden by this, and did his utmost best to look oblivious about her attraction to him, even when the Hokage gave him a stern look. It most of been convincing because the old man sighed, muttering about how Deidara was clueless.

_No sir, I am not clueless. I just choose not to get involved in that mess._ He thought as he greeted the leader.

Fishing out a piece of paper, Sarutobi handed to Deidara before speaking. "This will be your schedule. I budgeted time for your job and for Naruto."

Looking over the paperwork, Deidara frowned. "Why am I assigned to the academy?"

"Deidara-kun, you are ten years old. You may be one of the best cases of self-taught I have ever seen, but you need an education and to spend time with others your own age. You'll still be having extra teachers but now you'll have time to enjoy your childhood."

Deidara desperately fought the harsh laugh that clawed at his throat. He lost his childhood at the age of four, and whatever was left of his innocent mind at six. No refunds on those.

Instead he looked back at the paper. After a moment he looked up, giving the Hokage a fixed stare.

"Just so I get this right; I have my first lessons at five in the morning with a," he looked back down to see if it was the right name, "Maito Gai, who will be training me in taijutsu, and I'll be with him from five to seven thirty every morning, to which I'll have a free hour to get to school till two in the afternoon, where I'll need to go straight to the Hyuuga complex to work with Hyuuga Hiro, a bomb expert from three till five on Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. On Monday, Wednesday and Friday, I and Naruto will be getting medical training and kenjutsu with Yukika after school, and then I hop over to the Uchiha's at two to get genjutsu training from a Uchiha Eiji in the evenings. My job has been moved to five-thirty in the evening."

"Is that too much for you Deidara-kun?" Sarutobi asked. He was partly afraid he was overworking the boy, because really, that was a lot to be asking a ten year old.

Unfortunately, Sarutobi had worded his concern in a fashion that sounded like he didn't think Deidara could do it, and that didn't sit well with Deidara at all. Deidara grinned, giving a nasty look. "I'll be fine. When do I start?"

Sarutobi sighed, though still smiled. "You start next Monday, as does your schooling. As for today, your new teachers had request to do a trail run of sorts so that they can get an idea of a schedule up. They are waiting for you in training ground 34. Hana-chan, you know the way right?"

"Of course! My team trains there often."

"Then could you take him? I'd show him, but I have lots of work to be done."

Deidara didn't miss the way the old man's eyes twinkled. Deidara rolled his eyes_. Please, for Hana's sake stop playing matchmaker. It'll only end with her heart breaking, and me going 'I told you so'._

The two made their way to the grounds, Hana making small talk to mask her nervousness as she tried to convey her feelings for him without actually saying them. Deidara, as expected, played stupid. He was beyond happy to see the grounds, and had all but ran ahead of Hana to get there, away from her attempts to court him.

"Yosh! You must be my student!" a man dressed in green spandex yelled upon seeing him, striking a pose. Deidara just stared at him.

_Holy hell, I found Lee's Dad!_ Deidara thought, looking at the man's large eyebrows.

Giving a nod to the man (who had introduced himself as Maito Gai; Deidara had to refrain from asking if the man's eyebrows were real or if a set of black caterpillar's died on his forehead) and was promptly introduced to his other teachers; a wrinkly old prune with a cane was standing by, his pupiless lilac eyes giving him away as Hyuuga Hiro, next to him stood a messy black haired, young man who had a friendly, if not nervous smile on his face as he cordially introduce himself as Uchiha Eiji. Scar-bitch was there as well, giving him a friendly smile. He promptly glared at her, making her giggle.

Then he noticed another person present.

Why are you here?" Deidara said with a sneer, making it clear he was not happy to see the apathic looking person.

Itachi gave him a cool glare as he spoke. "Maito-san requested I come and assist in your training since we are acquainted."

"But you hate me, and the feeling is mutual on my end."

"True. But how often do you get to 'help' and 'nurture' a fellow countrymen, even though they are woefully neophyte and possess all the talent of a slug?"

"How 'bout you shove your so-called help right up your-"

"Guys! Let's not argue." Hana said, getting between the two. Itachi smiled at her in a charming manner, causing Deidara to raise an eyebrow.

"Hana-san! You look radiant."

Hana blushed as she said her thanks, and Deidara just stared at Itachi who had given him a nasty smirk. _Since when did you have the guts to tell her she looked nice? And why are you giving me the evil-boyfriend-glower-of-doom glare?_

"Ah, a rivalry already! That'll make this better!" Gai said joyously.

Both Hiro and Eiji looked at the boys, practically feeling their animosity for each other.

"Maito-san, I don't think they are rivals." The young ANBU said warily.

"This looks more like a loathing between an Iwa-nin and a Konoha-nin." The elder Hyuuga said, unaware how actuality his analogue was, causing Yukika to chuckle.

"Well, Uchiha-kun had already said he'd help, and rivalry often brings out the best in us! So when you two are ready, let's do a friendly taijitsu match, no genjitsu, ninjitsu or kekkei genkai's!"

The two boys quietly walked to the field, glaring at each other the whole way.

Hana groan. "This isn't going to end well."

"Don't worry Inuzuka-san! Uchiha-kun has great restraint! No matter how much he dislikes someone, he is not so petty as to cause permanent harm to someone! Especially someone who isn't anywhere near his league!"

Yukika gave the spandex clad man a wane smile. "Y-you don't know D-Deidara-kun very well then. He has this in-incredible knack of getting u-under someone's skin and pushing y-you past the point of reason. If he wants to, I'm sure he could get Itachi-san to attack him with lethal in-intent."

"That may not be very hard at this point. They look ready to kill each other." Eiji said, amazed that the detached Itachi could hold contemned for anyone.

The two did indeed look as though they wished nothing but ill will on the other, glaring in a manner that made it astoundingly clear how they thought about their training partner.

Gai looked between them, still smiling that creepy sparkly smile.

"Now this is just to see how well you do, Uzumaki-kun! I don't expect you to win, but give it your best! Now start!"

Deidara dropped into his stance, waiting for Itachi to make the first move. Itachi on the other hand stood at attention with his hands clasp behind his back, looking completely at ease.

Deidara stared at Itachi while the Uchiha smiled benignly at him, though his eyes showed anything but.

_Is that bastard not taking this serious? What the hell?_ Deidara thought in annoyance, his head pounding harder.

Deidara started the match by charging at the sardonically smiling Uchiha, as he came into range he threw a quick jab to test his defenses. It was not anything flashy and powerful, but he intended just to get him to act into action, not actually end the match.

He was only somewhat surprised at the speed the older boy used to block his attack with his arm guard.

Deidara twisted around, blocking two thrusts to his chest before forcing himself to jump away. Itachi was quick to follow, and rushed to Deidara blind spot, striking out.

Deidara blocked the blow that came at him, glaring at the still smiling Uchiha. Deidara gasped as a knee slammed into his gut knocking the air from his lungs and lifting him onto the tips of his toes. Before he could react the dark haired boy sent a chop to the back of his neck sending him headfirst onto the ground. The chop itself was not very hard, but the accompanying arm guards gave them a nasty extra punch to them and left his neck stiff, and the white and black speckles in his eyes from banging his head off the ground hurt.

Deidara flipped to his back, seeing Itachi bringing a foot down towards the blonde's face. Deidara was nothing if not resilient and managed to bring his arms up in time to cross them in front of his face stopping the Uchiha attempted face stomp.

The sole of the boot met his crossed arms. Taking the brief second he had, Deidara brought his leg up, kneeing Itachi in the back of his leg.

Itachi hadn't expected this, his leg momentarily giving out, but caught himself before he hit the ground. He twisted out of reach as Deidara had gotten momentum to try and sweep his other leg out.

Hana, watching from the side lines, forced herself not to run over and stop them. The boys were dealing out blows after blows, and didn't look ready to stop any time soon.

"Well, this isn't too bad. I half expected them to go for vital parts."

"Inuzuka-san, Deidara-kun _is_ going for Uchiha-san vital parts." Yukika said, looking amused.

"Uzumaki-san does appear to be trying to inflict a lot of damage; Itachi-san is just parrying him off." Eiji said, taking notes.

Deidara was indeed trying to cause Itachi harm, but the older boy had the advantage, and they both knew it.

Hana watched as Deidara grew angrier by the minute, as Itachi's smug look grew with each blow. She knew they did not like each other, but right now she was truly amazed to see that Itachi was apparently trying, with a great deal of success mind you, to provoke Deidara. She really hoped it would end soon; Deidara tended to take drastic measures if fights took too long.

After ten minutes, Hana was now sure that Itachi had only agreed to spar with Deidara to completely humiliate him, and worse Deidara knew it. The boy delivered a punch which Itachi caught, but then Deidara jumped up, twisted in the air and managed to kick Itachi in the shoulder, earning a grunt from the dark haired boy who quickly grabbed the offending foot and threw him, Deidara twisting once more to land on his feet.

"Interesting." Gai said, standing in what he called his thinking pose.

"What is? The Uchiha is clearly winning." Hiro stated, looking bored.

"Yes, but the Uzumaki is still keeping up."

"Uchiha isn't trying and the boy is tired, I don't need the Byakugan to see that." The elder man said. True to his word the blonde was breathing hard, sweat on his brow.

"He is also getting in some punches too, using methods I don't usually condone seeing how they can be dangerous to ones own health. And considering one is a Jounin and the other is self-taught, I say that's an extraordinary feat."

"It's n-not just an extraordinary feat," Yukika said, eyes glued to the sparring duo. "Both are genius in their o-own right, capable of thinking several steps a-ahead of normal people, and both un-undeniably gifted."

Hiro nodded, looking thoughtful. True Deidara had talent, and even more so had the will to use it, and building on this he was more then willing to go through whatever he had to in order to get what he wanted.

"Is Uzumaki alright?" Eiji asked.

"Yes. Why?" Hana asked.

"He looks…in pain."

"Well, he said he had a bad migraine earlier." Hana replied.

"And he's still fighting?" Hiro said, looking surprised. Children in pain tend to focus more on the pain then a fight.

"Damnnit Uchiha!" Deidara snarled, being forced to loose ground.

_The bastard's not even trying! Gaa!- my head!_

"Oh, I apoloze, Uzumaki. Should I go easier on you?" Itachi said smoothly, smiling scathingly at the angry blonde.

Deidara was about ready to froth at the mouth. The arsehole was intentionally going easy on him, not for the sake of fair play but because he knew it pissed Deidara off!

The blonde was about to leap at him and force him to take him seriously when a horrid idea popped up. A marvelously horrid idea, that he would have never even considered had he the ability to think clearly, and was most likely going to get Hana to attempt murdering him, but if it worked the way he hoped it would he might get the advantage!

Instead of jumping at the Uchiha as he had planned he crouched and then tumbled forward and rolled through. This got the terrorist inside of Itachi's guard.

Itachi, acting accordingly was about to strike when Deidara words halt him completely.

"I KISSED HANA!"

Itachi froze, giving Deidara the opening he needed as he punched Itachi full force, and by the sickening snap that he heard could tell he must of broke his cheek bone, but couldn't care less as he followed through with a kick that sent Itachi to the ground.

Hana sputtered from her place, looking more shocked from what Deidara had yelled out loud then the fact he had successfully landed a clean shot on Itachi.

"Inuzuka-san, is that true?" the elder Hyuuga asked, though he was shocked by the turn of events. The sight of a ten year-old kid dropkicking Uchiha Itachi back ten yards left all the spectators (both visible and hidden) jaws quite slacked and Eiji sputtering.

She was about to deny it when a memory drifted back from a few weeks back. Deidara had taken the kids to the _Flighty Tart_, let them sing that offensive song, and she had tried to smack Deidara up a bit when he had leaned forward and kissed chastely on the cheek.

She turned as bright as a tomato, sputtering unintelligibly.

Itachi looked dazed from his spot on the ground, but eventually focused his sight on the red faced Hana as she sputtered helplessly, looking anywhere but at them.

"Ah, I see. So it's true." Hiro said, smirking. He vaguely wondered if Tsume-chan was aware of her daughter's little tryst.

Deidara smirked, but it was quickly wiped off as a staggering amount of concentrated killing intent hit him like a ton of bricks.

Itachi was back on his feet, a downright murderous glower on his face that was accompanied with spinning Sharingan, a snarl on his face that made it abundantly clear that Deidara was not getting out of this alive without missing several limbs.

Deidara had blinked once and a moment later he tasted knuckles that sent him ten meters away, and Itachi was after him in seconds to dish out more punishment.

The ANBU finally interfered when the sound of bones breaking was clearly heard (from their spot on top of the great oak), and it still took four of them to pry Itachi off Deidara, who was fighting back, both bloodied but Deidara obviously the one in dire need of hospitalization.

As for the other spectators, Eiji was shaken at the sadistic brutality the normally impassive Itachi had shown, Gai was making a mental note to see if he could get Deidara and Itachi sparring again (after all, rivalry was the epitome of a successful friendship!), Hiro wondered if this was the beginning of a painful love triangle, Yukika was trying her level best not to laugh right then and there, and Hana was too horrified from the event to think clearly.

* * *

Shino was surprised.

After spending the day with those kids, and somehow getting dragged along to Naruto birthday party (scaring his poor mother and father who had no idea where he disappeared to), he honestly didn't think they would want to play with him again because really, who would want to play with a kid who was a literal walking hive. Not to mention he had a quirk of being in the same room with a bunch of people and yet they somehow completely forgot he was present till he made his presence known, to which they gave him a wide berth.

He had been sure they only wanted him to play with so he didn't attack them, but now he wasn't so certain. He had been taken aback to see them all again, looking for him, so he could play with them!

It had been a pleasant surprise.

Now here he was learning how to play fortress chess with Shikamaru, Choji and Sakura as the Uchiha boy was getting his butt handed to him by his sparring partner Tenten, as her friend, Lee was trying to help Uchiha by giving him pointers, the Inuzuka boy was having a chat with the Yamanaka girl about Naruto's older brother, and Naruto was showing the Hyuuga girl how to make something out of bottles, q-tips, ammonia and a old fuse.

He was having a great time, despite the Chunin who had just shown up, took one look at what Naruto was making, yelped and confiscated whatever it was, earning a pout from Naruto and the girl.

"Naruto! How many times have I told you not to make those here?" the chunin Iruka hissed.

"Thirteen times so far. Keep telling me not to though; I want to see if we can get a world record!"

"…Deidara has too much influence on you." Sighing, the Chunin gave a pleading look.

"I am going to check up on a different group of troublemakers," the following _'who are no where near to your level of bad' _was left unsaid, "and it'll be about ten minutes before I can get back. Please don't bomb the building."

"We won't! We have better control then that!" Naruto said, pouting cutely.

This did nothing to calm Iruka.

Walking away (now that he at least got a promise from them that they would wait till he returned before destroying anything) Iruka watched warily from as he got further away, half expecting the kids to start a riot.

_Iruka, calm down! You're being too paranoid! They are not going to start bombing the place for the hell of it; you have more to worry about them starting a fire! You can leave them for ten minutes!_ He mental yelled at himself.

Feeling silly Iruka left them, hoping it was just paranoia talking.

Naruto, having waited till Iruka was out of sight, turned to his friends.

"Hey guys! Guess what!"

He didn't wait for them to answer, instead pulled out the frame he had managed to hide.

"Nii-san gave me a present last night!"

"What is it?" Sakura asked, looking up from the game as she finished putting her hair up in a braid.

The blonde boy's voice dropped to a conspirator whisper. "Nii-san said I havta take really, really good care of it. It's the only one we have, and brother said he'll skin my butt if I ruin it. Promise you guys won't tell anyone else about it?"

Everyone nodded, looking eager.

Gingerly he showed the picture, everyone taking turns holding it.

"That's my Kaa-san, isn't she gorgeous? And that's Tou-san!" Naruto whispered excitedly.

The children all looked at the picture of the Uzumaki family. Everyone could see the resemblances between parents and children, Deidara looking more like his father while Naruto had his mother's facial features.

"Oh! Your mother's beautiful!" Hinata whispered.

"Your dad's cute!" Sakura giggled.

"Awww! You were adorable as a baby!" Tenten surprisingly gushed, making Lee give her a weird look.

"Where did you get your spiky hair?" Sasuke asked, though he made a mental note to see if the Inuzuka's were giving puppies away so that Tenten would fawn over him too.

"Your dad looks like a Yamanaka." Shikamaru stated, Choji agreeing.

"Yeah, I wanted to ask Brother about that, but he was really tired this morning. I think my parents are just amazing, don't you?"

"You sound like you never seen them before." Shino said, giving the picture a courteous glance.

"That's because I haven't. Nii-san kept it safe while he did odd jobs."

Shino was glad to see he wasn't the only one who found that strange, if the look Shikamaru and Sakura was giving was anything to go by.

Kiba looked at the photo with Ino, a smile on the former and a frown on the latter.

"Wow! Deidara-sama's gonna be hot when he grows up!"

"But I thought my dad was…" Ino started, looking confused.

Sakura placed a hand on her friends shoulder, smiling. "Kaa-san says that Yamanaka-san couldn't have his own child for a long time and went to a couple to have them be his surrogate parents so that he could have a child."

Choji looked up from the picture. "What's a 'surrogate'?"

"Kaa-san says it's an arrangement for a woman to carry and give birth to a child who will be raised by others. From what I understand, Ino's dad had asked Naruto-kun's mama and her husband to give him their first born so that the Yamanaka name could go on, but Naruto's parents changed their minds at the last second and kept Deidara-kun, even though legally he's a Yamanaka." Sakura explained gently.

The pink haired girl had found it strange that Deidara never referred to Yamanaka-san as his father, and Deidara had at one time told Naruto that Ino's father wasn't theirs when the younger blonde asked about it some time ago. So naturally she had asked her mother about it.

Naruto frowned. "That's really weird."

"Well, um, the Hyuuga's do it occasionally, if there's no heir or heiress." Hinata said, twittering her fingers.

"That's what happens with my father. Grandmother was unable to have children so they had one of our clan members be the surrogate mother." Shino said.

"Wait, so even though she didn't do the Horizontal Tango right, she was still the mother?" Tenten said, puzzled.

"Think of it as being adopted the second you're born; only you are more then likely related to at least one of the parents." Shikamaru replied, relaxing on the ground before speaking again.

"Chances are the Uzumaki's father is a Yamanaka, possibly a cousin, and Ino-san's father had asked him to let him have Deidara so the Head of the Yamanaka goes on. That way it's still in the blood even if it came from a different branch." With that lazy boy dozed off.

"Wait, so Ino is my cousin? Yippee!" Naruto cheered.

"It tends to be a sore subject, so most keep such things quiet." Came a different, yet bored sounding voice.

Every turned, though no one turned quite as fast as Hinata.

"Neji-nii!" the girl said loudly, obviously startled.

The boy wasn't much older then they were, but was a taller. He looked like most Hyuuga's do; pale complexion, long dull hair and the signature eyes that marked him a Hyuuga. On his forehead he wore a white headband.

The boy continued as though he didn't hear her.

"It's not considered polite to discuss such things, seeing how it tends to mark people in social standing as a weakness."

"Oh, okay. Just one question." Sasuke said, looking uncharacteristically stoic.

"What is it?" came the bored reply.

"Are you," Sasuke started, pointing at him, "a girl?"

Silence engulfed them, Sasuke's stoic look melting to honest, unwavering curiosity even as he got a glare that would have frozen the nine tails in Its tracks.

"Teme! He's a guy, yeah!" Naruto said exasperatedly.

"How do you know?"

"I live with Deidara who is constantly being mistaken for a girl, not just by your cousin."

Kiba looked indignant. "Hey! Don't talk about Deidara-sama like that! He's the Manliest of Men!"

"And you're the Prince of Fanboys." Tenten deadpanned.

"Aw, thanks."

"I do not believe that was a compliment."

"You take them as you get them, Shino."

Shino handed the picture back, or at least he tried to but a hand snatched it from him.

"What's this? A baby crying over his mommy and daddy?" Yuichi said, looking at the picture.

"Yuichi, give it back." Hari, Yuichi's friend said irritably before walking off.

The boy ignored his friend, looking at the picture closely. "Why bring a picture of your family? Can't stand the thought of going a few hours without them?"

"Hey! Give that back!" Naruto yelled out, a hint of desperation showed in his voice.

Yuichi grinned nastily. "Nah, I don't think I will. In fact, I plan to burn it!"

This proved to be a very foolish thing to say, because Naruto momentarily froze, then with a mad dash only found in truly desperate souls, he lounged at the older and bigger boy, eyes wide in a raged panic and baring his teeth at him.

"GIVE ME BACK MY PARENTS!"

What happened next should not have evolved the way it did, it just _shouldn't_ have.

Yet it did.

The moment Naruto gut-tackled Yuichi, the older boy had unintentionally tossed the picture.

Hinata saw the picture sailing through the air, and started running backwards to catch it.

She manages to catch the picture, but ended up running straight into Hari.

Hari, thinking the kids were attacking him just because, glared at the little Hyuuga, and smacked her hard enough to cause her to fall over.

This caused Neji to attack the older boy, seeing how it was his duty and he was not about to risk his uncle going curse seal on him or his relatives should the heiress get seriously hurt.

Hari, trying to defend himself from the Hyuuga branch member threw a kunai at Neji, completely missing him.

The kunai sailed straight at Kiba.

Ino saw it coming and yanked the Inuzuka from its path.

Kiba and Ino, not knowing it was a stray kunai and just seeing Naruto clawing at Yuichi believed that the older boy was the one who threw it and joined the fray.

The kunai finally landed barely a hand width from Ami, another classmate. Ami looked to where the kunai had come from and saw Sakura, who had just stepped in the line of sight.

Ami screeched and attacked Sakura, intent on clawing the pinkette's eyes out but got waylaid by Lee who saw the attack.

Kyo and Kaito, Ami's brothers saw their sister getting assaulted by Lee and attack him in her defense, just as Sakura put Ami in a headlock.

Tenten seeing her best friend getting attacked, punched Kyo in the gut, knocking the wind out of him but ended up getting kicked in the jaw by Kaito.

Sasuke saw Tenten getting kicked in the face. He ran over, grabbed Kaito by the collar and proceeded to beat on the older boy with no mercy.

Hari had finally gotten some distance from Neji, but tripped over a sleeping Shikamaru.

In his haste to get away from the approaching Neji, Hari used Shikamaru as a shield. This proved a stupid mistake as Choji rammed into him from behind, forcing him to let Shikamaru go.

By that point Neji was upon him once again, but now Hari was fighting both Shikamaru and Choji.

Back with Naruto, Kiba and Ino were kicking, clawing and biting Yuichi, who was tearing at Naruto before he finally threw him off, literally.

Naruto was sent flying, crashing into Shino.

Four of Shino's cousins saw this, and ran to their kin's aid, as well as several older children who saw the struggle and joined in hopes of stopping it, but instead they got sucked into the fighting.

In less then ten minutes, every student was fighting in a compound wide battle-royal.

ytreefghjk

As soon as he heard of the fighting, Iruka just knew Naruto was involved.

It could just be because the teen Aburame had come straight to him, telling him he was needed to stop the fight that tipped him off, but he wasn't going to dwell on that.

No he was going to pull a Sasuke and think up a plausible, legal alibi for when the parents came to sue the Uzumaki's.

By the time they got there, the fighting had mostly stopped and Iruka spotted various members of his group.

Sakura had scratches and a bruise on her face, with bit marks all over her right arm, though she was currently putting a bandage on Lee's swollen face who was holding his arm as though in pain. Iruka winced as he realized that the boy must have dislocated his arm or broke it.

Shikamaru had a bloody swollen lip and was nursing a lump on his head, Ino sporting a black eye as Kiba tried to stop his red nose from bleeding any further.

Shino appeared mostly uninjured; his glasses broken in his hand as Tenten gently compressed an icepack onto his head. Sasuke had a busted lip, possibly broken nose, a barely noticeable bald spot from where a chunk of his hair was yanked out and bitten ear, but didn't seem to notice any of his ailments as he fretted over Tenten's bruised jaw.

Hinata's older cousin looked fine with the exception of the cut marks on his hands and face as he used first aid on his cousin who looked as though she had gotten a sucker punch to eye, a bruise forming around it. She didn't seem concerned with herself as she was performing first aid on Naruto, who looked by far the worst; he had a black eye that was swollen shut, a broken bloody nose, welts on his face and head and scratch marks all down his arm and neck and he sat in an uncomfortable position as though he had been slammed against a tree several times.

Despite this he was grinning, along with most of his cohorts (Iruka immediately knew something was wrong) as they were cheering Choji on. What in the world…?

The teen's eyes immediately zeroed in on the Akimichi boy, the first thing he took notice of was that he had bruises on him, but then realized that he was standing in front of a tree that had a bunch of badly beaten older students tied and gagged around it, and that the plump boy was going through the Katon hand signs with a disturbing grin on his face as his friends cheered him on.

"Set 'em ablaze Choji!"

"Lets see what their made of!"

"Roast them!"

"Cook 'em!"

"Light those godless bastards!"

"Sasuke! Don't swear unless you're singing!"

"They hurt Tenten! Uh, and everyone else, and made fun of Danna! They must pay for their heathenish ways!"

"I'm with Sasuke on this one, Saku-nee. Burn the heretics!"

"Kiba you are not helping…ah, who am I kidding? Burn 'em!"

In a speed that surely rivaled the Fourth Hokage's, Iruka was next to the pyromaniac, stopping him from flambéing his classmates in time, and earning heartfelt groans from Naruto and his friends.

Were seventeen year olds like himself supposed to sprout gray hair?

* * *

Iruka found smacking ones head repeatedly into a wall rather soothing. He was currently in the hospital with the children, each getting looked over and helped as best as possible.

He had just been through two and half-dozen angry parents, who demanded to know how children ranging between six and eight could possibly even think of wanting to set a fellow classmate on fire, let alone almost succeeding in going through with it.

He had been tempted to say it was because they were taught by a demon spawn, but decided against it due to the possibility those parents might think he was referring to Naruto, and not Deidara.

He had also been thoroughly chewed out by most of the parents Naruto was friends with.

Tsume reminding him of a angry pit-bull, the Hyuuga father's had tongue lashed him, Kumiko had more then likely caused hearing damage he was sure with that shrieking, the Uchiha matriarch threaten to castrate him for letting her darling Sasuke get hurt, and Haruno Yukika was unnaturally livid. Mercifully Aburame Shibi had been understanding, as were the Nara's and the Akimichi's.

He had been greatly shocked when Sasuke had stood up and took full responsibility for the whole mess (though the rest of the group immediately tried to delegate the issue onto the other children), and had told the staff that he had tried to set the children on fire and not Choji, proving to Iruka that he valued his friends over his personal wellbeing.

This lead to the other parents turning their ire onto the Uchiha clan, making it even worse. Now they had to pay for the therapy those other children had to attend, and were also paying for the hospital bill for Naruto's friends.

The day got even better when he found out that Deidara and Itachi had both gone to the hospital as well, but not to check on their respective sibling. No, they were here well before Naruto and his friends even got here, and it was because Itachi had a broken cheek bone, a bruised sternum, several cracked ribs and a broken wrist, while Deidara had lacerations, broken ribs, multiple bruises on his torso and a level two concussion.

Apparent someone had the bright idea to let them spar, making Iruka wonder who was the idiot who decided that.

And now Naruto had begged to see Deidara the moment he heard he was in here, even though the younger boy was badly injured himself.

Which lead to where they were now.

"Nii-san! What happened to you? !" the smaller boy said, looking aghast.

The older blonde was currently strapped to the bed; I.V.'s looking as though they crisscrossed all over him, bandages covering nearly every part of him, not including his face as machines beeped and blinked at them.

In short, Iruka would have thought he had just returned from an S-class mission that had gone horribly wrong, instead of a 'friendly' spar.

"…Why are you here? Where's that bastard Uchiha?" Deidara said, sounding rather out of it. Iruka was going to guess that they had to heavily sedated him.

"I, uh, fell down some stairs!" Naruto said quickly, looking shamed as he tried (and failed) to hide his bandages and bruises. Iruka rolled his eyes and proceeded to tell Deidara what really happened.

"Oh…you were going to cook some kids...that's nice." Deidara said in a fairly mellow tone, eyes somewhat unfocused.

"Um, Deidara? Are you alright? Yeah?" Naruto asked, looking worried.

"…Why are you here? Where's that bastard Uchiha?"

"Brother! What's wrong?" came Naruto's panicked cry.

"What's wrong…?" Deidara repeated, looking thoroughly dazed.

It took Iruka twenty minutes to explain that Deidara had a severe head trauma, and wasn't going to be able to focus (let alone recall) anything for a while.

"So he just hit his head really hard? Yeah?" Naruto said, worriedly.

_More like Itachi-san kept smashing his head into a rock over and over,_ Iruka thought but instead said, "Yes. Right now, I wouldn't be surprise if he can't remember anything."

"You mean Nii-san forgotten me?" Naruto said, sounding scared.

"No, he hasn't forgotten you." Iruka sighed.

"Who are you?" Deidara said, looking confused.

Yes, bashing his head into the wall was looking very tempting right now, especially since Naruto started bawling into his flak jacket, as he cried that his brother got hit too hard, and Deidara was asking why they were here and where Itachi was again.

* * *

Meanwhile, in another part of the hospital Itachi was getting thoroughly chewed out by his mother.

"What were you thinking, attacking a _smaller_ and _younger __**civilian**_? !" Mikoto screeched, causing her husband to wince.

After finally coming out of hiding (but only because Inochi and his wife had gone to his homicidal wife and convinced her that the whole 'affair' wasn't real), he had found out that both of his sons had been hospitalized. At first he had been extremely terrified, because many would want to hurt him in anyway and harming his sons would do the trick. The school fire incident was still fresh in his mind, and he never wanted to get that close to loosing them again.

But upon finding out that they were here not because of a mad man trying to kill them, or had been kidnapped, or mugged and left for dead, he found out that Sasuke had been involved in a school fight, had admitted to trying to set his classmates on fire, and that he was proud of it.

Worse yet, he found out that Itachi had thoroughly beaten a civilian child half to death, and in front of no less then six witness' that included ANBU. Upon being interrogated, Itachi couldn't recall what had happen after he got knocked down; Inochi had backed this claim up by checking the boy's memories, and stating that Itachi appeared to be under a great deal of stress as of late, understandable for someone of his age that handled so much reasonability as Itachi did. The Hokage, who had already been worried that Itachi was getting overworked, had decided to suspend Itachi for a month, and demoted him to Chunin till he could prove he could handle the stress of the Jounin rank once more.

Words couldn't describe how much of a failure as a father Fugaku felt right then.

"-and what could have possibly possessed you to even consider such a heinous act? ! I know I raised you better then that!" Mikoto continued to yell, looking angrier then before.

On the bright side, Mikoto was no longer angry at him, and since Itachi and Sasuke were her sons as well, she wasn't going to try and mutilate them. No, they would just receive a tongue-lashing from hell and get grounded (or in Itach's case, demoted and removed from the active roster list till further notice).

Itachi was, for the most part, shamed at his lack of control over the spar. Reflecting now, he really had gone too far.

The whole day had been one disaster after another. He had been forced to eat breakfast with Amesha, just the two of them.

Once he could escape in the form of getting Sasuke to school, Sasuke had gone on and on about Deidara and nothing else, sounding much like his own fan club sounded when talking about him. He had tried to talk about anything else, but somehow Deidara's name kept popped up!

Once he had dropped him off, Hana had approached him, asking him for help. Like an idiot he said he would, forgetting to ask what it was first. What she had asked made him want to gouge out his own eyes.

_Earlier that day_

"-and then Danna said that chakra control was vital to maintaining it, and showed us a chakra exercise that-" Sasuke rambled off, completely oblivious to Itachi's dark mood.

_Danna, Danna, Danna! Doesn't he have anything better to talk about?_ Itachi thought bitterly. He would have never thought he would have missed his little brother begging and whining for him to teach him techniques.

Itachi couldn't fathom why those kids would want to listen to the selfish brat! He was a jerkass at best, and a complete bastard at worse!

But he had no say in who his brother played with, and he certainly wasn't going to prevent him from playing with Naruto just because the younger blonde was related to that brat.

"-then Deidara-danna said- oh! We're here!" Sasuke said, looking happily at the Aburame compound.

_Thank kami,_ Itachi thought. The Aburame compound was practically on the other side of the village, meaning they had to get up pretty early to get here, even while running on the roofs.

Putting his brother down Itachi smiled when Sasuke hugged.

"Love you, Aniki!"

"Be good, Sasuke."

Once he was safely in, Itachi turned to go and try to enjoy the rest of his day. Yesterday Maito Gai had come to him, asking if he could help train Deidara by being his sparring partner. Itachi said he'd think about it, but he had no intention helping that whiny brat at all. Deidara could learn on his own.

He was about to walk back home and enjoy his day off when he saw Hana walking towards him with intent.

Itachi stopped, giving her a nod, "Morning Inuzuka-san."

The girl smiled, turning his insides to mush. Maybe today was getting better after all.

"I think we're at the stage where addressing each other by our surnames is no longer necessary. Call me Hana, please."

Itachi's lips quirked, amusement in his dark orbs. "Then I request the same courteous."

Hana laughed, a phenomenal sound indeed.

"Very well, Itachi-san."

"Thank you…Hana-san. Did you need something?" he asked, liking how her name rolled of his tongue and how his name sounded coming from her.

Hana looked unsure now, biting her bottom lip.

"I, um…can we walk as we talk?"

He nodded, gesturing her to follow. They walked a ways, Hana looking unsure of herself. It was strange seeing the confidant girl so hesitant.

Finally she took a deep breath, looking at him. "Itachi-san, Deidara-kun said you have a crush on someone. Is that right?"

Itachi face was its normal neutral mask, though under it he was thinking of all the horrible things he was going to do to the brat.

_I swear, if he told her I love her, I'm going to force feed him his own feet._ Coolly he answered. "Yes, I do."

He never liked lying, no matter how uncomfortable the truth was.

"Then do you know how to…woo them?"

Itachi stopped, looking at her strangely. "My love is… unknown to her and thus unrequited."

Hana stopped too, looking at him in surprise. "Why? If you love her, you should tell her!"

"My clan would not approve of her, nor my parents, and I'm engaged, Hana-san. The Uchiha's don't work like the Inuzuka's. There are too many reasons why I shouldn't." _And how I loath it_. He mentally added.

The girl sighed, looking forlorn. "I had hoped you did know, but if the girl your in love with is as thick headed as my guy is, then we're both in the same boat."

Itachi almost tripped over those words. Looking at her calmly, much contrary to how he felt he asked, "You love someone too?"

Hana sighed, not looking at him as she nodded. "Yes. I thought it was a crush, but I just can't think straight! It's like my thoughts are just him, I can't think of anything without him popping up, it's just so frustrating!"

_I know what you mean,_ he thought miserably.

"I mean, I shouldn't like him! He's got a lot of bad things about him! He's moody, egotistical, swears like a Jashinist, is not the best influence for Kiba, hazardous to my sanity, and is so unorthodox about his teachings and trainings!" Hana stressed, and Itachi prayed to whatever deity that still listened to shinobi's that she was not falling for who he thought she was.

"But," she started, getting a loving smile on her face. "He's got his good qualities too. He's smart, funny, intelligent, nice looking, loves kids, can cook, and is very loyal. I know he's probably the worse person to fall for, but dang it…" she trailed off, looking unsure now.

"Your talking about that Uzumaki brat, aren't you?" Itachi asked, sounding bitter even in his own ears.

"His not a brat!...well, alright he tends to be a pain in the butt, but don't call him that!" Hana defended. After a moment she realized she hadn't denied the accusation and blushed, mumbled a barely audible, "Yes."

Itachi heard it nonetheless. Taking a deep breath, Itachi mentally counted to ten. Yet another strike in the list of reasons of why he hated Deidara.

"Itachi-san, I know you don't like Deidara-kun," Itachi fought the urge to snap at her for calling that brat 'kun', "but can you please help me win him over?"

Itachi stopped and stared at Hana, shocked by her earnest request and mentally begging to be struck by lightening right then and there. Not only was the girl he loved in love with that brat, she was asking him to help hook them up!

Seeing his look of disbelief, Hana continued. "You understand what's it like to have unrequited love for someone! I want to pursue a relationship but I don't know how to go about it!" she explained, sounding tense.

_Kami, kill me now._ He prayed, wondering if he was being punished for something. Of all guys, why him? Why not some other idiot he could scare off? Why couldn't Hana be in love with another guy? Or be a lesbian?

Quickly getting off that train of thought before it wandered into unknown territory, Itachi refocused on Hana. She looked so unsure, so timid.

"I can't talk to my teammates about it, they just don't get it," _Lucky them_, he thought tersely, "and my mom would make a million times harder. I-I don't know how to go about this, or what to say! Please Itachi-san, can you help me?" she asked, her big brown orbs looking up at him pleadingly, hoping against hope he would help her.

Who ever said love made you do stupid things was quite possibly the wisest person to ever exist, because one look into those doe like eyes and Itachi's resolve to say 'no' crumbled.

"Yes, I'll help you." He said, sounding as though he had just read out his own death warrant.

The smile that bloomed, the look of pure happiness, and the hug she gave him made it even more bittersweet and as he told Hana what to wear to capture a guys attention, he mentally wondered if the ANBU would accept him and put him on a suicide mission after this.

_Present_

Once he finished talking to Hana, Itachi had tracked Gai down and told him he had accepted to be his assistant for Deidara's training.

He reasoned it was the closest he would ever get to inflicting bodily harm on the brat without getting arrested.

When Deidara and Hana arrived hours later, he had trouble focusing on anything but just how gorgeous Hana was, and mentally grumbling that Deidara should be honored she wanted to court him. Still he wanted her to know she looked stunning and felt a victory upon seeing her blush so prettily.

Once the spar started, Itachi went out of his way to peeve off Deidara and to intentionally make him look foolish. He relished the enraged look on the younger boy's face and planned to continue this charade of a spar till Deidara exhausted himself.

When he saw Deidara trying a new tactic, he just assumed the brat was getting desperate. But when Deidara got in his face and yelled out those words, he froze. Part of him told him it was a lie while the other was too stunned to even comprehend it.

This cost him several broken bones, but once he focused on Hana who was desperately trying to look small and insignificant, he knew. He knew the blonde bastard was telling the truth.

In that moment his carefully constructed defenses came crashing down, and everything that was eating at him for the past few weeks boiled over.

He couldn't remember getting up, nor did he remember pounding the daylights out of Deidara, nor did he recall the ANBU dragging him off or how he got to the hospital. All he did remember was the white hot brand of pure hatred taking over and seeing nothing but glorious red.

Then he woke up in the hospital to his mother screaming that he tried to kill a civilian, with his father standing by looking shamed and a bandaged Sasuke hiding behind aforementioned parent.

Yes, today was without a doubt the worst ever.

* * *

Uchiha Eiji wasn't sure how to take his new pupil. Deidara was a paradox at the very least. The boy had managed to make Itachi (who was by far the most even tempered person he knew, and could take a lot before even looking mildly annoyed about something) go into a complete berserker rage that, upon being interrogated could not recall anything about it.

The boy had merit, but Eiji was a very wary to train someone who could cause such a reaction.

He hoped it was just a personal thing, and not because he disliked Uchiha's otherwise any future relationship was going to be tense at best. He did not wish to loose his rank as Itachi had.

Itachi was lucky that he was only demoted; the usual punishment for a shinobi attacking a civilian was a dishonorable discharge from the shinobi ranks and jail time. Had Itachi not been a child (one that apparently was showing the beginning signs of suffering a nervous breakdown), he would have been the first Uchiha heir to be thrown from the ninja ranks and to go to jail on the account of assault.

But as of right now both boys were in intensive care, and he had a mission to see through. Finishing dressing, he donned his ANBU mask, taking a deep breath.

He still felt dread for this mission, but he would see it through. He was a shinobi, for good and bad.

Leaving his apartment, Eiji was unaware of the rat following him.

* * *

If Hana's crush seems sudden, I do apologies; I had hoped it looked like she was developing it throughout the chapters and since she has no experience in this department so she sort of rushed in to it. It worked for her mother, right? (Right up till Tsume scared him away that is.)

As for Itachi's berserker rage, think of it as this; your king of the globe till suddenly a stranger walks in to your life and in a couple months has completely took your world apart; this guy is dangerous and unstable yet little kids want to be like him, your brother worships him, your crush just asked you to help her win the this guy over, and he is usurping your role as a prodigy. Now add to the stress of being an heir to a politically powerful and cartel clan and then pressurize for a few years and you got Itachi.

Yeah, Itachi is jealous but he also hates Deidara for taking the two most important people in his life away. It is not going to get better, but Itachi sure as hell is getting his revenge.

Gai would be so proud to see their rivalry.

PD


	29. Sasuke's Theory

**My Wish Order Brother**

Author: PiperDreamer

Rating: Rated: M

Genre: General, AU

Edited: Edited by phoenixyfriend

* * *

Chapter 29: Sasuke's Theory

* * *

Eiji looked around him. The hall they had entered looked as though it hadn't been used in years, with a thick layer of dust and cobwebs, and no power for the lights, which was a good thing considering it was formerly Orochimaru's domain.

They hadn't traveled far into it when they found a door, rusted shut. Wasp and Ferret were currently checking for traps, their captain looking around for any signs of movement.

Robin, the newest recruit, was jittery, and understandably so. This place was making everyone wary, mostly due to the eerie feel it gave off, and a sense of innate trepidation kept everyone on high alert, with the darkening halls only adding to the uneasiness of it all.

Other than Ferret muttering as Wasp tinkered with the door—rusted hinge groaning in protest—it was unbearably silent.

Robin was nervously hopping from one foot to the other, his body tight with apprehension. Suddenly the younger recruit gasped, throwing a kunai into a shadowy area, causing everyone to instinctively go for their own weapon.

A startled squeak was heard, and a moment later a large rat ran across the hall, back into another dark corner.

Seeing this, everyone relaxed slightly. The captain turned to Robin.

"Calm down, recruit."

"I-I'm sorry-"

"This is a simple search party. Chances are this place has a random trap here or there, and some rotting corpses. Nothing more. Now get a hold of yourself."

"Yessir."

Eiji wished he felt as confident as the captain, because everything in him was screaming to run.

Looking back to where he'd seen the rat flee, he saw it was still there, and apparently nursing the cut Robin had inflicted on it. The creature looked at him, its eyes seeming to glow in the fire's light. Had that thing just…?

He shook his head, looking back at Wasp, who had finally gotten the door open.

"It keeps going down, Captain." Wasp said.

"Then so do we. Move out." The captain ordered, the team following his orders.

Eiji looked back to where the rat was again, but found it was gone. Perhaps he was just seeing things, what with the nervousness everyone was feeling, and the dark environment.

But he would almost swear he'd seen the rat grinning at him…

* * *

Sarutobi only half-listened to the angry group as he filled out paperwork. Twenty-four hours and he was still getting complaints, from parents and shinobi alike, about the children's actions, and so far the Uchiha clan was by far the angriest, mostly at their Head's youngest son for putting them on the spot, as well as the fact he had demoted and suspended their prodigy.

New reports of what the kids had done have yet to abate.

They had so far: vandalized three classrooms, tied a teacher to his desk and set his chair on fire, demonstrated three ways to use wire on another teacher, created paint mines all over the front of the Aburame estate, and incapacitated one of the rookie ANBU on duty and stolen everything but his mask and heart boxers… and all this well before the fight even took place!

The children claimed innocence, but it was hard to believe them when Sasuke, Kiba and Choji had paint on their hands; they had to wrestle the rookie ANBU's tanto from Tenten; Sakura was wearing aforementioned ANBU's vest, and Rock Lee was wearing that poor rookie's pants as a trophy hat.

Once the individuals were gone Sarutobi sighed, leaning into the chair further. Pulling out his pipe, the elder man looked towards a darkened corner of his office.

"So what do you think?"

The shadows shifted, revealing Morino Ibiki.

"Those kids are going to be unleaded nightmare fuel in a couple of years, at this rate." The scarred man said, looking highly amused.

"I think it would be best if the children stayed away from Deidara-kun, for now. This little fiasco proves he has far too much influence over them."

"Should we separate him from his 'brother'?"

"As much as I'd like to say yes, they need to stay together. Deidara doesn't seem to react well when he's away from him for too long, and Naruto tends to pull insane stunts if he thinks Deidara is being taken from him." The elder man shuddered slightly at the memory of Naruto trying to save Deidara not too long ago. "It's best to keep them together, for now."

"So his training is still going to continue?"

"Yes. One little scuffle won't stop Deidara-kun. Though after his last session, he will not be training with Itachi-kun."

"Gai will be so disappointed." Ibiki chuckled, moving to leave.

"I weep for him, really… One more thing," the elder man said, gaining his subordinate's attention.

"Inform Yakushi-san to send Deidara-kun to me… once he recovers, of course." Sarutobi said, looking at a picture that held two familiar faces on it.

"Yessir."

As the older man watched him go he placed the picture down, staring intently at a happy younger Deidara and infant Naruto in the arms of an unknown couple.

* * *

Silently the window opened, the figure gently crossing its threshold as he readied to escape—

"Uzumaki-san! Get back in bed this instant!" came the shrilly voice of Deidara's nurse.

Mumbling curses under his breath the boy slipped back through, glaring at the old crone.

"Your legs are still broken, and you have a cast on your arm, not to mention the head trauma! You should know by now you are not leaving 'til Doctor Yakushi says otherwise!"

Grumbling, he returned to bed, wincing only slightly from various pains.

"Honestly, I don't know how you manage to even walk!" the woman fussed, tucking him back in bed.

"I have a high tolerance for pain, un." The boy said, closing his eyes. Truth be told, he did have a high tolerance, but even he only knew the reason he was walking after just a day because Yakushi and Scar-Bitch had been discussing his health while he feigned sleep.

Apparently, the healing factor that kept Naruto alive for so long got passed to him as well, which not only explained why he was healing at a ridiculous rate, but why he wasn't dead yet.

Itachi really had tried to kill him for kissing Hana, and it had taken the ANBU to pry him off.

_Note to self: Don't use Hana as a distraction when it involves Itachi._

_Ever._

Stretching, he winced at the leftover pain. He wasn't fully-healed just yet, but at this rate he should be out by tomorrow.

The nurse fussed over him, making him want to roll his eyes.

After securing him to the bed, she left, passing Naruto on the way. Deidara's sour mood evaporated instantly, a lop-sided grin on his face.

"Hey Fishcake, feeling better?"

The younger blonde grinned back. He only had a couple of bandages, looking more like he'd fallen down instead of being on the victorious side of a full-scale fist fight.

"I'm good. I'm just glad your head injury is better! Yeah!"

Deidara chuckled at that, having been told by a very stressed-looking Iruka that all of last night he had been alternating between babbling nonsense and recalling only about five minutes worth of stuff before repeating the sentence 'Why are you here? Where's that bastard Uchiha?' over and over again, unintentionally freaking Naruto out.

"Eh, just got knocked down a bit. Nothin' I can't handle. Why were you in that fight anyway? Did that other guy try to bully you?" Deidara asked, having a difficult time recalling what Naruto had looked like the day previous, due to both being too injured and too drugged up.

The happy look disappeared, replaced by shame. The child bowed his head before he spoke. "I'm sorry Nii-san! I'm really sorry! I didn't mean to lose it too! Honest!"

Deidara sat up straighter, ignoring how his back protested. "What happened, Naruto?"

The younger boy kept his eyes firmly on the floor, looking dejected. "I-I brought Mom and Dad's picture to school so I could show everybody our parents, but then Yuichi came and took it! I tried to get it back, but he threw it, and everything just got out of control after that, and I can't find it! I even left the hospital with Kiba and Shino to find it, but it's gone and I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to lose Mom and Dad-"

Deidara grabbed the boy with his good hand and dragged him forward, giving him an awkward hug. Naruto started crying, hugging back.

Naruto's face was buried in Deidara's shirt so he didn't see the anger that marred the terrorist's own.

He had explicitly told Naruto to leave it home—told him it didn't leave the house! Now their parent's photo was somewhere out there destroyed, or worse, in the hands of an inquisitive shinobi.

He wanted to yell at Naruto, but he didn't. Yelling at him would have made the terrorist feel better, yes, but Naruto (who was clearly already beating himself up over it) would have felt even worse than he already did.

No, he would resolve this calmly, gently and maybe he might be able to score more good deeds, instead of negate them as yelling most surely would have done.

"It's… fine, Naruto." Deidara lied. He froze when he heard a sob and felt moisture on his shirt. Oh crap, he was crying!

"Really! It's okay! I'm not mad at you! It was just an accident! Un!" Deidara said rapidly, rubbing a circle on Naruto's back.

Deidara was not the kind of guy easily moved by tears. If anything, he was normally the cause of those tears, and found them hilarious. But Naruto would always be a special case, and seeing his brother crying because he thought he messed up badly made Deidara want to comfort him, and buy him copious amounts of ramen so that he would be happy again.

"It'll be fine, Fishcake. It was just a picture," _With Mom and Dad on it. The only one with us in it, too._

"It's not the end of the world. So calm down."

A sniffle was all the response he got, so he continued to pat the upset child's back.

_You are so whipped, and you're not even married._ The cold voice snarked.

_Shut up, un. Naruto's my brother! He takes precedent over any wife I have, real or fictional. Mom and Dad would never forgive me if I let my brother down!_

_Yeah!_ The childish voice called out, _Papa always told us that it's our job to protect the younger ones! And Mama would have been so sad to see Naruto unhappy!_

…_You do know he isn't really your brother, right?_The cold voice asked, sounding concerned.

_That's not true! He's our little brother! The Konoha nin took him from us when they killed Mom and Dad! That's why we went to this hellhole in the first place! To save our brother!_

…_Just how hard did Uchiha hit you?_The cold voice was no longer cold-sounding, but gentle and wary.

_He is our brother, and no one can change that._ The childish voice said, sounding slightly demented.

Deidara was only partly aware of the kids that started to pour in, all with some kind of get-well present. Naruto was quick to wipe his tears, slapping a happy face on, though he didn't wander from Deidara's side.

No, Deidara was only partly focused because he was arguing with himself. The cold voice trying to make them see reason, while the childish voice refused to listen. Deidara himself was occupied with helping Naruto solve a Sudoku, blatantly trying to ignore the other voices arguing in his head.

* * *

Wadding up a piece of paper, the boy stuck it in his mouth and chewed thoughtfully. After a moment it was good and soggy, so he pulled up a straw, took aim, and spit.

Puh-_TEW_! …**SPLAT.**

"Eww! Sasuke!" Amesha yelped, glaring at her cousin as she wiped the spit-wad from her cheek.

"I'm practicing my aim. Now either hold still or leave." The boy said plainly, wadding up another piece of paper.

Amesha glared at him. She came to visit Itachi, not become target practice!

Itachi, on the other hand, was sleeping, much to her chagrin and happiness. Chagrin because she couldn't talk to him and happiness because she could stare at his beautiful face all day…

Puh-_TEW_! …**SPLAT.**

"Sasuke! Cut it out!"

"I got fifty-two more to go. Now hold still."

Marching over to the boy she grabbed the straw, breaking it. "Cut. It. Out."

The boy gave her a bland look that held nothing but contempt for her, eyes for once not hiding behind his goggles. It was an uncommon look for the boy, and Amesha felt hesitant to chew him out.

"I am training. You are just in the way. So either help me train or leave." The boy ordered, brooking no arguments.

The girl sputtered. Was he ordering her around?

Puh-_TEW_! …**SPLAT.**

"Auurggh!" The dark haired girl yelped, glaring at the smirking Sasuke.

"Always come prepared…" He said in a derisive fashion, wagging his new straw.

The girl finally had enough and left. She'd come back later, when the little brat wasn't there. Stomping out, she almost ran into a young pink-haired girl.

"Watch it!" the Uchiha snarled, glaring at the girl as she left.

Sakura blinked a few times before walking in to the Uchiha brother's room.

Puh-**GLUP!** _*cough* *cough*_

The pinkette looked to where Sasuke was, choking up something. Seeing a glass of water nearby the girl handed it to him, to which he greedily drank.

"You alright?" She asked once he had emptied the glass.

"Yeah… thought you were Amesha there for a second. Sorry 'bout that."

The pinkette smiled warmly at him, nodding in understanding. Amesha's face had become a target post for their friends, so it was perfectly understandable as to why he was spitting wads at her.

The boy winced slightly when he took the Haruno girl's appearance in. She had cuts and bruises and her whole right arm was bandaged.

"How are you feeling?" The girl asked, as though she wasn't in any physical pain and just visiting a friend.

Sakura had a unique friendship with the group, especially Sasuke. Due to Sasuke's talents in blackmail, he had come to try different methods of seeing what made people squirm and break the fastest and most effectively. After the death of her father, Sakura had volunteered to be his test subject in methods of getting them to crack, as well as his private eye, as long as it granted her immunity to his art.

This had led to Sasuke often confiding in Sakura, who had happily resigned herself as the group's confidant, listening to their issues and giving the best advice she could, while the others were secure knowing that Sakura had a firm discretion policy.

Grinning cheekily Sasuke spoke, "Eh, nothing lasting. And the others?"

"Lee broke his arm, so he'll be here for a while. Shino needs new glasses, and Naruto looks like crap. Everyone else has an assortment of bruises, busted lips, black eyes and swollen limbs. Tenten, though, has been trying to escape the hospital, but so far she hasn't been successful."

Sasuke was happy to hear that. Tenten needed to heal as did the others. "Great! I bet Danna will be trying to escape, but will be successful. Not that Tenten isn't skilled."

"Sasuke… why did you take the blame for Choji? For everyone?" Sakura asked, looking thoughtful. She had only known Sasuke for a few months but Sakura had gained perspective in the short time.

Two of the things she noticed were that Deidara had become insanely protective of Naruto, which was understandable, and that Sasuke seemed to have changed somewhat after the school fire. The dark-haired boy wasn't as much of a chatter box as before, he wore his goggles almost all the time now, and he seemed to go to bizarre lengths for evidence and blackmail, and acted an unseen buffer of sorts for his friends.

Sasuke's bright smile dimmed as he looked out the window, contemplating his words.

"I taught him that jutsu, so by proxy I'm to blame. You may not see it as that, but I do. Besides, getting chewed out by Kaa-san isn't… too bad." He winced at the memory of his mother's tongue lashing after doing the same thing to Itachi.

"But why? Your whole clan is miffed at you right now." Sakura asked, braiding her hair as she looked at him unflinching. After her father's demise she had been more in tune with her friend's welfare and personality quirks. Sasuke normally didn't involve himself publicly; 'too incriminating' as he put it.

"Because Danna would have gotten into trouble, and possibly blamed for encouraging us to find our own genius-hood, and with everything that's happened to him recently it might cause him to snap! Kami knows he's afraid of upsetting Naruto!" The boy huffed.

"Happened? What happened?" The girl asked, looking surprised as she tried to think of anything bad happening in the last week.

Sasuke looked around. Other than his comatose brother, the place was clear. He searched Sakura's face, looking for any reason for distrust. Finding none, he gave a very solemn glare.

"Swear that what I say stays in this room."

Sakura knew that look. Sasuke had dirt he was to wary to use. That was rare, last time being that little black book Shisui owned.

Giving a firm look she replied. "You have my word."

After several minutes of silence he spoke.

"You weren't there, but I had gotten trapped on the top floor during the school fire. Ino and I found Hinata-chan tied and gagged in a cupboard. She got there because she was trying to save Naruto. Hinata and I went to find Naruto as Ino went for help. Naruto… he was a mess. He should have died. There was blood everywhere and you could see his organs! I mean, you could see them working and everything! Hinata and I attacked, and I managed to snap some pictures before Hiroshi knocked out Hinata and locked us in a closet. I don't know how, but Danna and Aniki saved us. Later, Naruto told me the reason he didn't get immediate treatment was because the doctors hated him."

Sakura nodded, knowing what he meant. "It was like everybody hated him and Deidara-nii."

"Looking back now, every time we went somewhere, Danna had to threaten and break bones to get people to leave Naruto alone, or just serve him a meal that wasn't ramen. But that all changed after Danna got admitted into the hospital."

"What do you mean?"

"Remember when Danna was hospitalized after the school fire? I found out some stuff. I listened in on the Hokage and a couple doctors saying that Danna wasn't going to live past his twelfth birthday, and be crippled for the rest of his short life."

Emotions passed like vapors across his eyes as he spoke.

"I told Naruto and he freaked out, and ran here. The Hokage confirmed my story, and told Naruto he would be living with your mom. Then the Hokage told me to go home. I was trying to help, I really was. But then…"

The boy shuddered a little, as though the next memory terrified him.

"But then when I was half way down the hall, the whole place felt like it exploded. It hurt. I kept burning as I got surrounded by this red miasma. The miasma screamed and howled, and my ears rang for a week afterwards… but anyway, back on Danna and Naruto. Stupidly, I ran back to Danna's room even though I hurt like crazy, because I was scared they wouldn't get out in time, but the Hokage, your Mom and Dad and some other doctor were there trying to help. Naruto and Danna were covered in that miasma. I heard them yelling over the noise the miasma made. What they said confused me back then."

"What? What did they say?" Sakura said, staring intently at the boy.

"The doctor said 'Is the seal broken?' and the Hokage said 'No, but it slipped and was leaking into Deidara' and then they said they had to seal the tails into Danna. Your dad volunteered to die so that they could save Danna and Naruto."

At this he looked at Sakura, half expecting her to cry. She didn't.

If anything she looked unperturbed at the mentioning of her father's demise. Sasuke continued.

"After that I ran into an ANBU who got me out while they evacuated everybody. I didn't tell anyone how close I was. And I didn't tell anyone else, but I think the Hokage turned Danna into a weapon to save him."

Sakura looked startled. "What?"

"Saku-nee, whatever that red miasma was, it was evil. Completely and utterly _evil_. And after looking for possible references to 'seal' and 'tails', I made a shocking discovery."

Looking around again for people listening, Sasuke bent forward and whispered. "The only time anyone used seals when surrounded by a cloud of nasty evilness was when they were trying to seal away demon powers!"

Sakura gasped, looking startled. "The Hokage sealed a demon in Deidara?"

"Shh! Keep your voice down!" Sasuke hissed before speaking again. "No, the Fourth killed the last demon that invaded us, but I think he sealed off his power and put it somewhere, and that the Hokage put it in Danna to save him. And between you and me," Sasuke said, looking around again for anyone. "I think the demon's chakra is driving Danna insane."

"Why do you think that?"

"You are one of the most observant people I know, Sakura! Haven't you noticed how Danna's been twitchy lately? Or how he seems to get that stir crazy look in his eye? Or how our lessons have been more demonstrated than usual?"

"Well, now that you mention it, he has been stressed-looking and complaining about headaches…"

"Yeah. Whatever they sealed in him is making him go loco!" Sasuke exclaimed, before whispering, "And I think Danna knows what they did to him. If that's the case I want to levee his problems as best as possible. Especially if…"

"If?" Sakura prompted, somewhat worried by the face Sasuke was making.

"Especially if Naruto doesn't know, and is worried the news would scare him."

Sakura tilted her head. "Why would he be afraid of Deidara? He adores him!"

"Yeah, I know what you mean. Who doesn't love Deidara? He's the crazy, self-absorbed, havoc-inducing, bloodthirsty psychotic artist that lives in all of us! But that's not the point." Sasuke sighed, before elaborating.

"Think of it this way… both of your parents died during the Kyuubi attack, and the only family you have is a new-born sibling. Now seven years later, some nut job goes about trying to kill your sibling, and you risk life and limb to save them. Then you get a wound, so bad that everybody says you are going to die. Then the Hokage puts a monster or it's chakra into you, against your will, though it saves you. It is possible that this thing is currently making you go mad."

Sasuke leaning back, closing his eyes. "Now hypothetically, you know what's happened to you, and now the village, instead of hating you, is scared of you or trying to suck up to you. You become overly protective of your sibling thanks to the near-miss with death and possibly less-than-friendly-intended people, but even more, you are scared that your sibling will found out that a likely hulking monster, possibly the same one that killed your parents, is renting your gut out."

Sakura's eyes widened, understanding dawning on her. "He's scared Naruto will fear and hate him!"

"Exactly. If I had that happen to me, I'd be scared of Aniki finding out too. I don't ever want my brother to hate me, even if I have to lie about it."

The two sat in silence, Sakura deep in thought of the theories she'd just heard, as Sasuke remained in his seat, eyes firmly shut.

Finally Sasuke spoke again. "I do wonder if Danna is aware just how dangerous that stuff is, and if it has long-lasting results."

Sakura tore herself out of her thoughts, looking at Sasuke. "Why?"

The boy lazily opened his eyes, focusing on her. "When I got hit with the miasma, it did something to my eyes."

Sakura leaned forward, staring at his coal like orbs. "I don't see anything wrong."

"On the surface, nothing is wrong. But I've been wearing my goggles because the tinted glass doesn't hurt them, and lately my eye sight has been… bad."

"How bad?"

"Things are really blurry around the edges. It's like the red miasma damaged them. I can't explain it."

"And why are we _now_ hearing about this?"

Both children jumped, whirling over to where Itachi laid. The teen's eyes were opened, looking bored.

"B-but we thought you were asleep!" Sasuke yelped.

"I haven't slept since Mom left. I just feigned it to avoid Amesha." Itachi replied, sitting up.

"Sasuke, I understand if you didn't want to tell anyone about your eyes for fear of upsetting mother or worse, but if your eyes are damaged we need to get them checked."

"Yes, Aniki." Sasuke muttered.

"…That said, I don't want mother or father to know just how you damaged your eyes, so I know a couple of Optometrists in our family who owe me favors. They should be able to do a checkup without our parents finding out."

Both children looked surprised. Sasuke gave his brother a calculating look. "What do you want?"

In the field of extortion, Sasuke had learned that if somebody did something big for him, they normally wanted something in return. He hated to think that way of his brother, but he recognized that look Itachi sported all too well.

Itachi's smile turned into a smirk. "You're going to tell Hana that I gave you and your little friends lessons on courtship and decorum the next time you see her, and stress on how I kept telling you about how kissing is only for married couples. And you'll tell her that Deidara kept mocking the whole lesson."

Sasuke and Sakura blinked, looking completely perplexed over the rather odd deal.

"…Does this have anything to do with why you and Danna are in the hospital?" Sasuke asked, having noted how Itachi had said Danna's name like it was poison.

Itachi's face turned to its stoic normality. "Partially. And I know you've been starting rumors—don't look surprised, Grandfather is still on a rampage about that rumor of him being in an illicit relationship with Shimura Danzo—so I need you to spread another one."

The younger boy frowned. "Uh, what kind of rumor?"

"One stating that Uzumaki Deidara is looking for a girlfriend, one that likes to cuddle, hold hands and generally hang off him."

Wondering just what was going on in his brother's head, Sasuke nodded in agreement, though he couldn't fathom why he wanted such a bizarre thing.

"We will need you to give us the lesson, just so we know what to say." Sakura said meekly.

"Of course. Oh, and Sasuke? About your little theory on Uzumaki… do not go telling it to anyone else."

The younger raven haired boy looked perturbed. "I wasn't planning to, but why?"

"Kyuubi destroyed and killed a lot of lives that day. Some still hold bitterness towards it. If they think that Deidara is the fox-reborn, they may attack him, or worse, those he cares about."

Sasuke nodded. He'd figured that out, hence why he only ever told Sakura his theory.

"Good, now about those lessons…"

* * *

Iruka stared at the irate nurse who was giving him the nastiest look ever.

"What sort of teenager teaches kids to sing bar songs?" She demanded, her hands on her hips in the universal sign of female ire.

The teen blinked once, giving her a level look. "What are they singing about?"

The nurse didn't need to answer because the deafening sound of a bunch of young kids rang out from the Deidara's room.

_God save thee fair barley so good ale may flow_

_We raise up our tankards and down it will go_

_We raise up our tankards and down it will go_

_We drink through the day, we drink through the night_

_We drink the fair ale 'til we loseth our sight_

_My wife she did brew a hogshead last night_

_I peek in the kettle to make sure it's right_

_I count every hour, though scorneth my wife_

_I drink the fair ale every day of my life_

_My brother did brew a bold bitter batch_

_With a roasted brown barley, no beer was its match_

_Two weeks to ferment, two more in the kegs_

_But in just one night it was drained to the dregs._

_Last night I did drink a batch of the worst_

_It tasted much better long after the first_

_Next morn I did wake with a terrible sore_

_So I reached for my tankard and tossed back some more_

_My father did drink three pints every night_

_That he and my mother got in to a fight_

_"You drink too much ale," my mother she cried_

_But my father did drink 'til the day he died_

_God save thee fair barley so good ale may flow_

_We raise up our tankards and down it will go_

_We drink through the night, we drink through the day_

_We drink the fair ale 'til we loseth our way._

Iruka sighed, looking relieved. "Oh, they're just singing about getting drunk this time. Thank small miracles."

The nurse gaped at him as he passed her, heading for the room. Once there, he couldn't help but smile. Most of the kids had somehow gotten in the room, with the exception of Lee, Tenten, Sasuke, Hinata and Sakura.

Lee was in another part of the hospital with a broken arm with TenTen keeping him company; Hinata was with her family; Sasuke was with Itachi, and Sakura was visiting the Uchiha brothers.

Right now Shikamaru was teaching Naruto the basics to shogi, and Ino was playing Go Fish with Kiba, Shino and Choji.

Deidara was apparently coherent, writing on a piece of paper. The blonde boy looked better, and didn't look like he was going to have another near-miss with death.

The blonde looked up after a moment when the door reopened, revealing Hana. The girl was dressed in her normal genin attire.

The blonde grinned, though it was slightly forced. "Hi, un."

Hana returned the grin, though it was evident that she was worried for her friend. "Hi, yourself! I'm surprised you're even lucid right now!"

"That's because I'm special." He said sarcastically, though Iruka noted the boy seemed to shirk away from her when she walked to his side.

Hana bit her lower lip, looking as though she was debating something and placed a comforting hand over Deidara's bandaged one. Iruka once more noted that Deidara flinched from her action. After a moment of contemplating, Hana spoke in a rushed voice.

"I'm sorry about Itachi-san's actions. I don't understand why he did this to you, he always seemed unflappable, but now your both in the hospital and-"

Deidara gently placed his good hand (even though it was still bandaged) over her mouth, sighing. Iruka noticed that Deidara honestly hadn't wanted to touch her, and that the children had stopped their games and were watching ardently.

"It is fine, un. I purposely provoked him, and I got a hell of a reaction out of him." He said calmly, removing his hand quickly.

"But he pounded you like a cheap drum!"

Iruka saw Naruto's eyes widen, along with the others. Deidara gave the Inuzuka heiress a glower, and opened his mouth to speak when he was interrupted.

"Why did Aniki hurt you, Nii-san?" Naruto exclaimed.

Deidara looked at Naruto, and Iruka could see the older blonde was trying to think of a way to tell him without making himself look bad. During the short time he had known Deidara, Iruka had noted that the older blonde was very much concerned with how Naruto saw him, and would go out of his way to make the child smile, and got violently protective of the whisker-faced boy when threatened.

Iruka, realizing Deidara didn't want to seem weak but didn't want to outright lie to Naruto, came to the pseudo-jinchuriki's rescue.

"He was having a spar with Itachi and it got out of hand. From what I heard he pulled a move that Itachi, ah, did not approve of."

He was going to say that Itachi had reacted with bloodthirsty violence, but decided not to. The Uchiha heir was in enough trouble as it was and he didn't think having a band of Deidara's little students coming at him for vengeance would help.

"What did you do, Nii-san?" Naruto asked, directing his question to Deidara.

Iruka, having heard about the fight from overhearing a conversation between Gai and a doctor called Yakushi, answered again.

"He made Uchiha believe he besmirched Hana's honor."

Naruto blinked. "Besmirched?"

Iruka took a second to think of a way to make the child understand before answering. "When you guys got picked on by bullies, they called you nasty things and tried to make you look stupid, right? Well, Uchiha thought Deidara had done something like that and was really upset because he thought Hana, his friend, got hurt. Does that make sense?"

It wasn't the best explanation, one of his worst actually, but understanding had dawned in Naruto's eyes, so he considered it a victory.

The younger boy, along with his friends, all looked at Deidara, who was staring at Iruka with a strange look on his face. Hana also had a strange look on her face, as though she had just figured out a puzzle that was troubling her.

"Nii-san, you didn't bully Hana-nee, did you?" He whispered, bright blue eyes wide.

It was Hana who spoke this time, cutting off any answer Deidara was about to say.

"No! He never hurt me or did anything bad! But during a spar, one must use any and all advantages available to them." The girl said, looking much happier then when she arrived.

"He had tricked Itachi-san by making him think one thing, when really nothing bad had happened between Deidara-kun and I. It was supposed to distract Itachi-san but it, ah, backfired." She finished looking embarrassed.

"Thank small miracles." A calm voice said, drawing everyone's attention.

The Uchiha brothers were there, standing in the doorway with Sakura next to them.

Iruka swore silently, hoping these two had enough sense not to fight in front of the children. The three walked in, Sasuke and Sakura walking to their friends, whispering silently among themselves.

Iruka would have been more concerned about the children's possible plotting, except that he had two very hostile boys in the room who were stuck in a staring contest. The chunin was positive he saw sparks between them.

The room seemed to drop several degrees. The two boys gave one another looks that would have brought a chill down the spine of even the most hardened of souls, not looking away from one another once.

After what seemed like an eternity, Itachi broke eye contact, giving a slight nod with an ersatz smile in place. "I apologize for my extreme reaction yesterday. That being said, I still do not regret beating you."

Deidara blinked looking surprised before putting it behind a grin that could have doubled as a snarl. "And I don't regret pissing you off. Apology accepted… Arsehole."

"Thank you… Brat."

_These two will be the death of each other,_ Iruka sighed, looking between his ward and the heir, both of which were sporting smiles that looked more like they were baring their teeth in a similar fashion that dogs did.

Suddenly, the tension was broken when Tenten ran into the room, crying, "I can't find Lee! They stuck him full of medicine and now he's gone!"

* * *

A somewhat drugged-up Lee wandered about, giggling at odd intervals. The room shimmered, and the walking trees strolled by him without a moment's notice as he ambled into different caves, and he wondered if he could bring his friends here. This place was fun, and had all sorts of wonderful things to pocket!

He bumped into one of the moving trees, looking up as he stumbled. Why was there a dull throb on his arm…?

Lee watched as the white-haired tree that he walked into gave a hasty apology before it snuck out of its cave, ignoring the boy entirely. As soon as it was out of sight, Lee wandered into the white-haired tree's cave.

Seeing a bunch of stuff, Lee grinned as he giggled madly.

* * *

Jiraiya returned an hour later, grumbling as he was forced back into bed. So what if he wasn't supposed to be moving for another week, he was bored to tears and he couldn't do his research properly!

Ever since he'd returned to Konoha, he had been nothing but miserable. First with the little girl, then the angry mob of half-dressed women and now being stuck in this dinky room!

The Sannin sighed, reaching for his scroll to work on some seals in hopes of alleviating the torturous boredom.

Except his hand grasped air.

Looking down, he realized that his scroll was gone. Not just his scroll, but pretty much everything not bolted down had been taken from his room while he had been out, including the blanket, pillows, vase, bandages, his clothes, his wallet, his jutsus and the entire new unedited Icha Icha book he hadn't published yet!

* * *

"Lee! There you are! We've been looking everywhere for you!" Tenten said, Sasuke right behind her. They had been checking the rooms at random, hoping to find the injured boy.

"Hey! Where did he get all this stuff?" The extortionist asked, looking at the mound of stuff the older boy was encroached in.

"I took it from the cave-dwelling trees!" Lee giggled from behind his mighty fort, which was made completely out of the hospital's entire pillow and blanket supply.

"He took all this stuff with only one working arm? And completely wasted?" Sasuke said in awe.

Tenten smiled at her oldest friend, shaking her head. "Come on Sasuke-chan, let's sort through the stuff and see if any of it is valuable. Then we'll take Lee back to his room."

"Okay!" The ravenette blushed, grinning in a dopey manner at her.

* * *

Naruto and Ino had gone searching for Lee on the third floor. Hana and Kiba were looking on the bottom floor; Sakura and Shino were on the second floor; Shikamaru and Choji were checking outside, and Sasuke and Tenten were on the floor above him.

Iruka had stayed behind to keep Deidara and Itachi company, but Naruto was fairly certain he was making sure nothing bad happened while they were gone.

Nii-san and Aniki had been rather mean to each other lately. Naruto just hoped they got over whatever they were fighting about.

He had actually been happy to leave. The moment Itachi came in, the room felt drastically cold and he did not like the look Deidara had in his eyes when they 'apologized'.

Soon he and Ino were checking all the rooms, hoping to find their wayward friend.

Upon opening the second door at the end of the hall, Naruto and Ino were greeted by the sight of Hinata, her father, and Hinata's cousin. She wasn't too bad off, all considering, but Naruto felt bad about her getting hurt. He was her protector. It was his job to ensure her safety!

Hiashi had given a wan smile before announcing that he was leaving, telling Naruto to please stay to keep Hinata company.

But before the boy could ask what was wrong with her cousin's company, he figured out that the strange Hyuuga adult was trying to give him a viable reason to make an apology for not making sure she didn't get hurt. He decided to run with it.

"Um, Hinata-chan? I'm sorry you got hurt. Yeah." He said quietly, hoping she wasn't mad at him.

The girl flushed, mumbling that she was fine, and then apologized for losing his picture. He proceeded to tell her it wasn't her fault. The two continued to talk for a few minutes, forgetting they still had people in the room.

Ino thought they were cute together, as the older Hyuuga child snorted loudly.

Naruto brought his attention to the older boy who stood by the entrance, as though he was on some sort of duty. He had cuts and scrapes, nothing too bad, though Naruto wondered if he was constipated by the way he stood. He certainly looked like he needed a poo.

"Hey, Hinata's cousin right? Thank you for helping Hinata back there." Naruto said, grinning.

A pair of vacant eyes set in a blank face was all that greeted him.

Holding out his hand, Naruto spoke. "You probably already know, but I'd like to introduce myself anyway. I'm Uzumaki Naruto, possible future Hokage and artist fledging. Nice to meet you, yeah."

The older boy continued to stare, looking at the offered hand in distain. He gave a curt nod before speaking mechanically.

"Hyuuga Neji. Pleasure to meet you."

Naruto got the distinct feeling that was sarcasm. Seeing how he wasn't going to shake his hand, Naruto dropped it, though he still smiled and gave Ino a warning glance when she had looked ready to yell at the older boy for his rudeness.

"Want to hang out with us? We're always happy to make new friends."

Neji's blank stare turned to a glare, and Naruto wondered if he'd said something wrong.

"I am not allowed to mingle with Hinata-sama's friends. I don't know how you, of all people, managed to earn Hyuuga-sama's amity, but I am well aware that you and I are not to be permitted to have the same social circle."

Naruto blinked . "What?"

Ino glared because she had understood what the Hyuuga had said and did not like it.

Neji sighed. How could this idiot possibly be a clan friend? "It means I can't 'hang out' with you since you're friends with Hinata-sama."

Naruto did not miss the glare he shot at his cousin, making Hinata flinch. He forced himself not to outright hit the boy, more curious then angry.

"Um, you're probably gonna think this is a dumb question, but why not?"

"I can answer that," came a new voice.

Everyone turned to see an older Hyuuga.

"Hinata's Dad? Why are you back so soon?" Naruto asked, while Ino swatted him.

"That's not the same guy!" She hissed.

Neji glared at him. "He's my father."

"Wait, your Hinata's brother?" Naruto said, looking surprised. She didn't mention that she had a brother! And what did Ino mean it wasn't the same guy?

Hizashi chuckled. "No, Uzumaki-kun. I'm Hinata's uncle. Her father and I are twins. But to answer your question, the Hyuuga family is one of the oldest and most powerful clans in Konohagakure. The clan is… split you see, a Main family and the Branch family. The Main House runs the family while the Branch House protects it. Neji and I are part of the Brach House, making us their retainer if you will."

"And thus considered lesser to the Main." Neji muttered but was still heard, earning a sad look from his father that Naruto didn't miss.

"I don't see how that prevents Neji and me from being friends." The blonde said.

"Since my brother had announced that you and your brother are clan friends, your status has been elevated in the eyes of the main family, marking you two as equals. As such, the branch members are not of the same stature as you are."

"Huh?" Naruto said, tilting his head in confusion.

Ino spoke at this point. "It's kinda like putting the stripes with spots. They are not supposed to go together."

"Wait, I can't be friends with Neji because he's a stripe and I'm a spot?" Naruto said in disbelief.

Hizashi winced at the rather childish but nonetheless accurate description of his clan's social stature. "Not how I'd explain it, but essentially… yes."

"That's utter bullshit!"

Both Hyuuga's looked dumbfounded at the boy's swear words and Hinata couldn't help but gape at her friend's response, while Ino hung her head as she muttered about teaching Naruto tact, but Naruto didn't pay that any attention.

He recalled not too long ago, he was considered unworthy of darn near everyone's friendship, and knew first-hand how painful it was being friendless! Neji may have been an arse, but the young blonde had a feeling it was mostly due to him having very few friends of his own that weren't related to him.

"I don't give a flying fecal matter if we're not stripes, spots or a swirly! If he wants to be my friend, I ain't stopping him! Yeah!"

"But the code of behavior-"

"Screw the code! As of right now, you, Neji, are my friend!"

Neji just stared, eyes bulging at the younger boy's statement as Hizashi quietly smiled.

Hinata smiled brightly. Hopefully she and Neji would get along a little better now. Their relationship had been strained when her father used the curse seal on her uncle.

Ino, on the other hand, left to find their group to inform them of their new friend.

* * *

Iruka felt a shiver go down his spine, and he was fairly certain it had nothing to do with the antagonistic boys he was watching over. All he knew was that he had a wild urge to weep hopelessly, and ask the gods why they had forsaken him as something deep down in his gut said:

_Another has joined the folds…_

* * *

It stared into the shattered realm that was Deidara's soul, being part of the mangled spirit.

Deidara's mind was like a kaleidoscope, seemingly fine on the surface, beautiful, even, in its ingenuity. But if you looked closer, one could see the cracks, the holes that the seemingly sound mind hides in plain sight under the skills and creativity.

Its form was that of an old veteran, lines marring its pointed 'face', cold blue eyes staring at the mess before him in a hawkish manner.

It was the Jibaku child's boundary—his animosity, rationale and contemptuous side of the child that had developed early on in Deidara's soul as a failsafe. It was also the reason the boy survived over the years.

It was cold and ruthless, and knew where the lines between kindness and cruelty were. It kept the boy in semi-sane mind set, though only with minimal effectiveness.

"Stop looking. It doesn't exist!" a child's voice yelled, sounding upset.

Looking down, the veteran stared coldly at a pair of baby blues that stared back at him in a pouty manner. This one took the form of a child, barely five years old holding onto a stuff birdie. It would have looked like a normal child, except for the fact that the child was riddled with scars that crisscrossed all over its 'body'. Half of its face was hidden behind a long bang.

This represented the innocence that was lost, and all the boy's wishes and dreams wrapped into one.

The veteran turned back to the broken kaleidoscope. "It is still here. Now either help me find it, or get lost."

"Meanie!" the childish one yelled before disappearing, as though it was never there.

The sound of what could have been glass cracking was heard moments later, drawing the attention of the cold veteran. Farther, past the plethora of colors, was a door. This door was firmly locked in place, with bolts, a padlock, and an iron bar across it and a large seal crosswise over that. Around the door were cracks, some bigger than before along with newer ones, causing the veteran to glare.

"Quit it with the tantrum or you'll collapse this place!" the cold one snarled. All he got in return was a childish giggle that echoed around him.

The cold voice ignored the new cracks created by the seal that held the demon's chakra in check, looking back at the kaleidoscope, and into the memories of Deidara.

There were always holes in the boy's memory, things that he just could not recall. But now there was memories he knew weren't real, but both Deidara and the childish side had refused to believe. Since he was part of Deidara, the boy knew deep down those memories weren't real but had outright refused to acknowledge it.

The boy firmly believed he and Naruto were siblings, and refused to see the reality.

The demon's chakra was partly to blame. The corrosive chakra was messing something fierce with Deidara's mind and the way he thought, resulting in headaches.

Despite having an extremely bruised pride, Itachi's beat-down had helped to alleviate the pressure in Deidara's head by rerouting the demon's chakra into wounded body parts. Unfortunately Deidara's head was also very much damaged during the spar. It became more receptive to the chakra allowing it to alter things, such as memories.

Between the demon's chakra and the Jibaku's, and no outlet for the building chakra, Deidara's frail hold on sanity was rapidly deteriorating.

So It watched the memories, studying as new memories formed as it tried to figure out what to do, seeing how It was the only sane piece of the fragmented soul at the moment.

All It knew for certain was heaven help anyone who harmed Naruto, because Deidara would show no mercy.

* * *

Eiji was tired. Being down in this godforsaken dark tunnel for three days had fried his nerves, having flinched at every noise, and on more than one occasion wanted to beat Robin to a pulp for his extreme paranoia.

They had finally found the end, and what a macabre sight it was… rotten corpses, pickled children, and a vivisected body strapped on a rusted table, eyeless sockets seemingly looking up with its mouth open wide as though screaming. Just about every thinkable horror he had ever thought, and worse.

Nothing showed signs of any activity down here in years, and he was thankful for that. This had been the final room before they were to go up and he couldn't wait.

"Finished?" The Captain said, looking just as twitchy as the others.

"Yes." Eiji said, happy to be going up.

"Good. Once Wasp finishes checking his area, we'll leave."

Robin looked considerably happy to hear that.

"Thank all that is holy—gah! It's back!" The newbie yelped, kunai out.

Eiji stopped the recruit, sighing in frustration.

"Robin, you can't just attack every rodent that you see in the shadows."

Ever since they had started their descent into the bowels of this proverbial hell, Robin had sworn that the rats were spying on them.

"I swear! They are following us!"

Eiji was getting tired of the younger man's terror and decided to leave the room before he did something unfortunate like break the recruit's nose through his mask.

Once out, he shuddered, forcibly pushing the memories of this place away. Once he was back above, he was going to take a long, hot shower, and drink the strongest alcohol he could find in order to purge his soul of the events he had lived through in the past three days.

The sound of light footsteps caught his attention and he instinctually pulled out his tanto. He made out a figure in the all-encompassing darkness up ahead, small like a child.

Suddenly it was gone.

_Nerves,_ he told himself. _Just nerves._ _There's nothing but you and your teammates down here,_ to reassure himself he turned to walk back into the room.

Everyone was still there, Captain berating Robin, Ferret shaking his head at the recruit's words.

Everything was fine.

Suddenly Wasp rushed forward. "I found another entrance! It was hidden behind a shelf."

A sinking feeling came over Eiji and everything in him told him to go back up to the surface.

_NOW._

"Then we better check it out," the Captain said, sounding as though he really wanted nothing more than to leave. "If it proves to be as long as this, then we'll go back up tomorrow."

Sinking… he couldn't stop the sinking feeling. And worse, he was starting to believe that Robin was right about the rats following them.

He swore they had feral grins on their faces when the Captain said they would stay one more day.

* * *

The tunnel proved to go further than the previous one and the captain had finally called for them to go back. Eiji was overjoyed at this.

They were making their way back to the room full of dead experiments. Once there, it was a straight shot to the surface. It would take less time getting there seeing how they had checked all the rooms between there and here.

Soon he would be out of here, out of this hellhole and back into sunlight.

He should have known this was too good to be true.

He felt the floor beneath him give and the next thing Eiji knew, he and Robin were free-falling into a pit, his captain and other squad mates yelling was cut off by the floor resealing.

Landing uncomfortably on something that crunched, Eiji blew out spat out a small flame, illuminating the place in frail light.

Hearing Robin was close to completely losing it, he turned to the rookie. "You alright?"

Robin didn't answer, just started hyperventilating as he pointed to the floor.

Looking down, Eiji could honestly understand why the younger man was freaking out.

They were in a holding cell full of corpses.

Fresh corpses.

Eiji forced the panic he felt down as best as he could. Having both of them completely give into their growing panic was not the key here. He had to find a way out. He had to be calm, rational—

"THE RATS! THE RATS ARE HERE!" Robin screamed.

In the dim light Eiji made out the form of dozens, no, hundreds of rats that had started pouring in… chittering, circling and getting closer.

He only vaguely noted that they seemed to be holding themselves back, as though anticipating something, or someone.

The lights were dying fast and Eiji could hear the rats scurrying around the room, closing in yet not too close, evil little eyes glinting in the fading light.

Suddenly an icy voice cut through the rapidly encroaching darkness, chilling his bones. "Leave the Uchiha alive. As for the other one… well, I did promise you dinner, didn't I?"

The darkness engulfed him, and all he could hear was Robin's blood-curdling scream as the rats swarmed him.

* * *

Hana was in the hospital lobby, waiting patiently for Itachi and Deidara to show up. The Inuzuka heiress sighed, wondering what she could possibly do. In all honesty, Hana was a little worried about the boys.

Deidara had used an incident that got her in trouble with her mother, who was furious at Deidara for kissing Hana, and mad that Hana didn't clobber the boy for 'forcing' himself on her. It took the better half of the day to correct her, explaining that Deidara had only gave a peck on her cheek to get her to let go because she had 'accidentally' hurt him.

Though it was a tactic she had no trouble seeing Deidara use to his advantage, Hana had been somewhat embarrassed at his declaration, though a small part of her also felt giddy that he had acknowledged that he'd kissed her.

She wasn't sure if that meant that she had managed to take a step forward or back with this relationship she was trying to make with the stubborn boy.

It was Itachi's reaction to Deidara's little stunt that had frightened her. She had never seen anyone get so angry like that over a (albeit extremely awkward) announcement.

His reaction only made sense once Iruka explained that Itachi had, for whatever reason, jumped to the wrong conclusion and felt that he needed to defend her honor.

Despite being touched by her friend's thoughtful gesture, she really did think he over did it by breaking various bones in Deidara's body. Worse, Itachi had gotten demoted because of it, and she felt responsible.

And worse still, their once strained acquaintanceship had taken a nose dive off the slippery edge, and plummeted straight into antagonistic rivalry thanks to the misunderstanding.

She was glad Iruka had been watching them when she went to help find Lee; she was fairly certain Itachi would have messed with Deidara's med dosage, and that Deidara would have stabbed Itachi with a hypodermic needle.

Now here she was, the very next day, waiting in the hospital lobby as her best friend and crush were finally being released. Itachi and Deidara were both suspended, Itachi from the roster and Deidara from his jobs, which frustrated them to no end.

The genin sighed, huffing loose strands of hair out of her face. Why were boys so complicated?

On the other side of the waiting lobby, another young girl was lost in thought.

Amesha wasn't having a good day. So far she had not been allowed to visit her precious Itachi-kun, and had a run in with that little brat Sasuke. The boy was trying her patience!

And to make it worse her fiancé had visited Deidara, the floozie.

Her friends weren't of any help, telling her that her jealously over Deidara was unnecessary, that Itachi wasn't going to be swept away by that hooker-in-training because That Girl wasn't interested in Itachi at all.

Couldn't they see? Deidara was pretty now… imagine what she would look like in five years? Sure, maybe That Girl wasn't interested in Itachi at this point in time, but Deidara was still ten! Still apparently at that cooties stage, but all girls outgrew it and they were normally attracted to the cutest and most-talented boy! In other words, her Itachi-kun!

But maybe she was over-reacting. She had heard that Itachi and That Girl had gotten into a fight, so maybe they would remain hostile towards each other?

Sighing, the female Uchiha looked around hoping to spot her fiancé.

Instead she saw that girl—Hana, wasn't it?—sitting from across the room, looking completely lost in thought. She remembered the girl, always hanging around That Girl. They were best friends, right?

Amesha wanted to go over there and tongue lash the girl, simply for being friends with her rival, but decided instead to have the girl deliver a message to her friend.

Marching over, Amesha tapped the girl's shoulder. The Inuzuka's head snapped up, eyes focusing onto her. The girl frowned.

"What?" she said rudely.

Amesha gave her best glare. "Tell Deidara to stop hanging around Itachi-kun! It'll only ends in pain!"

Hana gave a sardonic chuckle. "Tell me about. I can't leave those two alone for five minutes without them trying to tear each other's throats out."

Any nasty rebuff Amesha had died in her throat, a curious look replacing the glare. "Uh, 'tear each other's throats out'?"

"Yeah. Dei-kun and It-eh, Uchiha-san really don't like each other." Hana said, thankful she caught her near slip up. She knew that the Uchiha in front of her was the jealous type and had decided to refer to Itachi by his surname, hoping to prevent the other girl from lashing out.

"They… don't?" Amesha asked, hope bubbling up.

"Yeah. The reason they are in the hospital is because, ah, Dei-kun had really miffed Uchiha-san. They got into a spar over it." Glossing over the facts, Hana smiled at the other girl.

"So that flo- ahem, Uzumaki doesn't want to run off and elope with Itachi-kun?" Amesha asked. She wanted to confirm it now. If Itachi-kun and That Girl hated each other, she had nothing to worry about!

Hana gagged, the thought of them eloping, something she couldn't imagine. "What? No! They can't stand each other! And besides, I'm pretty sure they both like girls."

"Both like… girls?" Somewhere in Amesha's brain, a section of it completely fizzled out. That Girl… was into girls?

"Yeah, though there are rumors about them being together." Hana mused.

Hana didn't understand why the female Uchiha looked as though her brain had just fried, but decided not to worry about it.

"I do apologize for Dei-kun's behavior towards one of your clansmen." Hana then frowned, thinking. Amesha was engaged to Itachi, who really didn't like her. Maybe she could…

Smiling brightly, Hana spoke. "Excuse me, I know this may be a silly question but perhaps you could help me?"

Amesha, feeling mollified over the fact Itachi didn't like That Girl, and that the feelings were apparently mutual and that it turned out her rival-in-love was interested in girls, nodded for her to continue.

Hana thought it best to be blunt. "I have a crush on Deidara, but Dei-kun is too thick-headed to realize my feelings."

Ignoring the gob-smacked look on the Uchiha's face, Hana continued. "What do you normally do to get Uchiha-san's attention?"

_So that I have a good idea of what not to do?_ She mentally added.

It took several minutes for Amesha to find her voice.

_Wow, not only is my rival a lesbian, but apparently, so is the Inuzuka. Now that I think about it, the Inuzuka is rather tomboyish… makes me wonder how they're still around, seeing how the younger one is openly gay for some blonde and their mom is a total butch. But,_ Amesha told herself, _this is a good thing! If I can get Inuzuka and That Girl together, then Itachi-kun and I won't have to worry about That Girl, ever!_

Suddenly she was giving all the advice she could, overwhelming Hana with her enthusiasm and sheer volume of advice. Amesha soon found herself enjoying this.

The chat lasted another half hour, where Amesha did all the talking and Hana just pretended to listen, giving what she hoped was a reassuring smile. It finally ended with this:

"You're so brave to openly declare your forbidden love! Don't worry. I'll help you no matter what, because love conquers all!" Amesha gushed, feeling giddy at helping in this 'forbidden love.'

Hana nodded slowly. "Ah, thanks?"

Hana felt that somewhere along the way, there had been a complete misunderstanding in communications between them.

* * *

In an empty room on the second floor of the hospital, twelve children were crammed in it, surrounded by a hodgepodge of objects that Lee had pilfered from the hospital.

They had returned most of it: blankets, pillows, bandages and other hospital items such as medicine, ect.

The rest were wallets, scrolls, and clothing. The clothing they dumped in a random room and the wallets they placed in the lost and found box (after they took all the money from its contents… one of which was _loaded_).

Currently, they were going through the scrolls. Most had been medical scrolls while others had been containment scrolls.

Sasuke had helped himself to the medical scrolls, having been nominated as the group's medic just that morning, seeing how nobody else wanted it, and as Deidara had told him it was a job that required the Doctor-Patient Confidentiality, thus further helping his career choice in extortion.

They were messing around with a large scroll that was only slightly smaller than they were, trying to get into its contents.

So far they weren't very lucky.

"Well, blood's out of the question," Naruto sighed, wiping his hand on a nearby blanket.

Neji, having been dragged by Naruto who had come for both him and Hinata early that morning, stared in horror as the blonde boy's still-bleeding hand was wrapped up in a jimmy-rigged bandage, courtesy of Sasuke.

"I forget, do I tie it off or staple it on?" the goggled headed boy muttered as he stared at the makeshift bandage. He had only started his side career as their medic that morning, so he was still new to this.

"It'll be healed in an hour, so tie it off for now," Ino stated, not bothering to look up from the scroll as she doodled a flower on a clear corner.

Sasuke, after a moment of contemplation, shrugged. "Eh, probably for the best. I have no idea where a staple gun would be in a hospital anyway… though glue might work, but I haven't seen a glue gun either. Maybe wax next time?"

Neji scooted away from the Uchiha, making a mental note never to get injured around him.

So far nothing they used worked. They had tried ink, water, oil, saliva, chocolate sauce, ramen noodles, paint, stickers, markers, crayons and, most recently, blood.

The inside of the scroll was rapidly becoming too messed-up to even read what with the various doodles, colorful smears, confections and sparkly stickers decorating it, much to their chagrin.

"Why isn't it working?" Kiba whined, glaring at the muddled scroll.

"Maybe we're just not using the right stuff?" Tenten muttered, looking back at the pile of things they had been using.

"If this is activated by peeing on it, you guys can keep what's inside." Shikamaru stated, resting on the bed.

"Where exactly did Lee get this scroll? It's almost as tall as he is." Shino asked, staring at the over-sized scroll.

"Beats me. I wasn't even aware I left my room 'til Tenten told me." Lee shrugged, wincing at the pain in his arm.

"Aren't you supposed to still be in your room?" Sakura asked, staring at the older boy.

"…I got better."

Naruto shrugged. "We'll call it a day. Shino, do you mind if we store this stuff at your place? It's the closest place to the hospital."

"Sure. I will need some help getting it there though." The boy said, looking around at the clutter of things Lee took.

"I'll help." Kiba replied.

"Me too." Choji said.

"Wait 'til we get Iruka away from here before you do that though." Naruto advised.

Once they agreed, the rest walked out into the hallway, coming face-to-face with Iruka, who had finally gotten out of the traps Ino and Naruto had set up.

* * *

You could call Iruka weak all you want, but after surviving with Deidara and Naruto for the past month, he now had deep respect for those who had to survive within the enemy territories.

Thanks to the School Fire Incident, Deidara had developed a habit of booby-trapping every inch of the house at night, the only safe zone was about five feet around Naruto's door, and that was only because that was where he set up the 'friendly' traps.

He'd also laced Iruka's food with laxatives, booby trapped the toilet, and pulled stunts that were slowly but surely making Iruka go insane!

Iruka made a quick head count, sighing as he realized there was a new face among them, and three of the others were missing.

Meaning, he had a new terror to keep an eye on and needed to find the Bug-boy, Deidara's Stalker and their resident Pyromaniac.

Fun times.

Naruto was quick to steer Iruka off course. "Kiba, Shino and Choji went home." He told the chunin. It wasn't a total lie… they were going to go home, just not yet.

"Where were you this morning?" Iruka asked, dreading the answer.

He and Naruto had spent the night in the hospital, and when Iruka awoke he found that Naruto was already gone, a note saying he was visiting his friends. It was noon now, Iruka having finally tracked him down after nearly four hours of searching.

He wasn't sure which deity he pissed off during his genin days, nor why he was the only one on his team to suffer for it, but he was sorry now!

"My note said I was visiting my friends. I just took them with me to visit my other friends before visiting Nii-san! By the way, can we go back to Nii-san's room? He gets out today."

Iruka breathed deeply, nodding. Seriously, why wasn't this crap happening to Kotestu or Izumo, his old teammates? They were just as bad as him!

Meanwhile, in another part of Konoha…

"Okay, who did we piss off to deserve this?" Kotetsu said, staring at the mess he and his partner were being forced to clean up. It was an accidental death, but that didn't make this any better.

Seriously! How does one die from snorkeling? In a puddle? Or better yet, why was this guy snorkeling in a puddle to begin with?

"Why isn't Iruka here? He could blow this up, and we'd never have to worry about it!"

Izumo rolled his eyes. "Yes, because cleaning up a body splattered everywhere is so much better than a corpse in one place. Besides, I heard he got assigned to baby-sitting duties 'til he finished his needed degree for teaching at the academy."

"Baby-sitting? Lucky bastard, he always gets the easy jobs!"

* * *

Deidara couldn't wait to get out of the hospital. He could walk on his own, something he was ecstatic about, and for once thanked Naruto for nearly killing him while trying to save him.

He was healing at a ridiculous rate, and wasted no time rubbing into Itachi's face that he had control over his limbs without the aid of crutches.

He smiled widely as he got to the lobby, nearly getting tackled to the floor by Naruto.

Soon everyone was there, though he noted Lee was absent ("Tenten tied him to his bed.") as was Kiba, Choji and Shino ("They had to take care of… stuff."). Once he saw Hana, he frowned a little. Why the heck was she talking to Amesha?

The Uchiha girl saw him, whispered something to Hana before shooting him a bright, friendly smile before waving goodbye and leaving with a skip in her step.

Right, that made him nervous.

As soon as she was gone, Itachi showed up. Hana walked over to him and talked.

Deidara vaguely wondered what she had told him because Itachi looked sick.

Soon the group was moving, Deidara practically vibrating with joy of getting out of there! Even his headaches didn't feel too bad!

Ow! …Okay so maybe it still hurt like hell.

As the group walked and chattered away, Deidara kept getting lost in memories, mostly during the six years he had been cruelly separated from Naruto when his little brother got kidnapped by the Konoha ninja. He was having trouble remembering who did it though, like the faces were blanked out.

He felt like he was missing something, that there was something his subconscious was trying to say, but kept slipping out of his grasp.

All he could recall was a burning need to save his brother during those six years…but wasn't there something else?

"Hey Danna," Sasuke started, causing Deidara to stop psychoanalyzing himself, and to glare at him for the nickname and Itachi to glare at Deidara due to the double meaning of the word.

Undeterred by the glower he was getting, Sasuke slowed down a bit to gain some space between himself and the other children. Once he was satisfied with the distance Sasuke spoke again.

"How do you, uh, woo someone?"

Hana, Itachi and Deidara all came to a screeching halt. The three stared at Sasuke with varying looks of incredulity.

"You want me to… help you 'woo' your crush?" Deidara said, staring in disbelief. Why didn't Sasuke just tell Tenten he liked her? That's what he did with his favorite fiancée!

…Then again, he never said he liked her. He actually proposed to Tayuya.

And then broke up with her a couple of months ago, which led to a memorable marathon where he had been forced to run for his life immediately afterwards, because she was not happy with getting dumped.

He could still hear her swearing colorfully as she vowed to hang him from his entrails, and shove her flute up his ass.

Shaking his head from the violent memories which caused him to wince in pain as a headache began to pound behind his right eye, he glared at Sasuke.

"Why don't you just confess? Quit acting like a shy dork, and just tell her what she means to you, and what kind of relationship you want with her! Girl's like it when you actually got the pair to tell them your feelings! Even if it makes you look like a fool! Now stop stalling and go tell her or you'll end up like Itachi and forced into marrying some parasite like Amesha!"

Hana gaped at Deidara as Itachi glared a hole into him. Sasuke on the other hand looked thoughtful.

Looking back at Deidara he said quietly, "Is it really that simple?"

Deidara sighed, remembering how he stumbled and stuttered when he had asked his best friend to marry him.

"It can be, if you allow it to be." He muttered, but was heard nonetheless.

"Hey! What's the holdup back there? Yeah!" Naruto called, the rest already pretty far ahead.

Sasuke nodded once to Deidara before walking up to Tenten, determination gleaming in his eyes. Stopping right before her, Sasuke took a deep breath and took off his goggles and held it out to the bewildered girl.

"Tenten, I think you're an angel-goddess and I love you! Marry me, I'm yours!" Came the blunt, but heartfelt declaration from the now red-faced boy.

Hana choked on air as she watched the youngest Uchiha propose to Tenten, the goggles acting in place of a ring.

The children were in various stages of surprise or were grinning happily, Shikamaru mumbling how it was about time as Sakura handed Naruto money, having lost the bet.

The bun-haired brunette just gaped at the red-faced Sasuke as Deidara muttered to a shocked-looking Itachi, "Take notes, Uchiha."

* * *

It took several minutes to get Tenten moving again, and once she did she asked Sasuke if he was serious. Once he confirmed that he was, she handed back his goggles and proceeded to hug him tightly. She looked embarrassed but giddy and asked when Sasuke wanted to get married.

Itachi had to explain that 'tomorrow morning at the East Temple because he had gotten good dirt on a priest there' was far too soon and that they were a little too young to marry.

He also stressed that they should wait 'til either they were eighteen or chunin so that they could support each other.

Sasuke then asked Tenten to marry him when they were both made chunin, stating that getting to that rank would probably take less time than waiting 'til he turned eighteen.

Itachi then explained, in great detail, that they should not tell anybody about their engagement. People might separate them (namely Sasuke's clan).

Hana, for the most part, thought it was very sweet. Sure, she didn't expect this to last long, maybe a couple of days or weeks, but it made her silently wish them well. It also made her wonder if her getting together Deidara would be anything like that.

Deidara then tossed in his own advice, stating that should Sasuke ever decide that he shouldn't get married yet, don't break up with Tenten 'til he is well out of range with a good head start. That and if they do end up still wanting to marry, that eloping to Tea country was a good idea.

Deidara got smacked by Hana and Itachi for this.

"Alright," Iruka said, nerves slightly fried, "We'll be going to the Inuzuka compound now. Inuzuka-sama offered dinner."

Many cheers were heard.

Before they even got that far though, a nurse ran up completely out of breath.

"Uzumaki-kun! You forgot your prescription!" The nurse said breathlessly before dragging the boy back with her.

Itachi turned to the rest and spoke in a long-suffering tone, due to the worried look Hana was sporting, "I'll stay with him."

Hana's worried look didn't leave. If anything it intensified.

Itachi smiled at her. "Hana-san, Uzumaki admitted to just trying to mess with my head during the spar. I won't be fighting him. I promise."

Hana smiled tenderly back, only slightly relieved.

Soon they were on their way, and Itachi trudged back to the hospital.

Once there, he watched on in amusement as a harassed-looking Deidara developed a twitch in his eye as the nurse went on and on about the pros and cons of the prescription he was getting.

"Why couldn't you have just given it to me while I was out?"

"Hospital policy states that no drugs are to leave the hospital unless it is to the one it is prescribed to." The nurse replied before going into an obviously well-rehearsed speech.

By the time she was done, Deidara looked ready to force feed her the bottle just to shut her up.

The sour look on the blonde's face deepened upon seeing Itachi.

"Why are you here? I would think you'd rush at the opportunity to be with Hana."

"I told her I'd make sure you'd get to the compound."

The two glared at each other before walking in stony silence, pointedly not looking at each other, silently blaming the other for their latest misfortune.

Had anyone seen the two, they would have fled in the opposite direction for the sheer hostility they were emitting.

After what felt like an eternity something caught Deidara's eye.

It was an old apartment, looking as though it just recently survived a fire. Black soot smeared the outer window, broken glass decorating the ground as the door barely hung on.

Deidara stared at the sight, feeling sick all of a sudden…

_He ran down the streets, tears running down his face as his heart hammered. He could hear the cries and screams of those trapped inside the various buildings yet he didn't stop. He couldn't afford to._

_He held the bundle close to him, trying to hush his infant brother as the bundle wailed piteously. He saw a shadow overhead and dodged, rushing into a burning building—_

The blonde blinked rapidly, calming his breath. That's right… he ran, to save Naruto. Why had he been running? Who had chased him?

Something was wrong.

"I'm going inside."

"I wouldn't if I were you."

"Thank small miracles you're not, then." Deidara sneered before walking into the apartment.

The burns were more superficial here, obviously not the result of a fire but an explosion. He knew the kind of burn marks certain chemicals left.

Deidara looked at the decimated place, wondering idly what had happened. Was he to guess, he'd say that somebody had made a bomb that back-fired… spectacularly, with deadly results.

Looking around he noticed a warped kunai, picking it up, hoping to jostle something, anything in his faulty memories.

_Why was I running? Who was I running from? Were they after me? Or Naruto?_

Despite this he couldn't get anything more, frustrating him to no end.

Something did not add up in his memories.

"Hey! What are you doing in here?" Yelled a voice, making Deidara drop the ruined kunai and turn slowly to see two men in police uniforms.

He didn't even get to say anything as the younger of the two dragged him off, yelling at him the whole time.

Finally they were out of the room and back into the deserted street.

"That was a crime sight, you brat! What were you thinking, contaminating it?"

Deidara's headaches weren't getting better, in fact, listening to this man yelling at him made it worse.

"Shut up already!" Deidara yelled back.

Itachi was still were Deidara left him, looking bored as Deidara glared at the officer's, wanting nothing more than to blast them to smithereens.

"Itachi-sama!" The officers said, looking respectful.

Itachi sighed, looking at his relatives. "What did he do?"

"We apprehended this child messing around in a restricted area that is a crime scene." The first officer said, glaring down at the blonde boy.

"Violating regulation 904, section 15, paragraph twelve."

"We need to get him to the station and contact his relatives-"

"Uzumaki Deidara. Age ten. Orphan. Civilian and recently released from the hospital due to an accident." Itachi stated.

The two looked down at the boy who was glaring at them, the older muttering, "So it's the one that got our heir demoted," as the younger muttered, "This is a guy?"

The duo both coughed before the older one spoke. "Due to you being a minor, civilian and orphan we will let you off with a warning-"

"Why don't you go to your happy place, and JACK OFF!"

Itachi fought the urge to palm his face. "Are you trying to get arrested, brat?"

How the heck was he going to get Deidara over to the Inuzuka compound if he was arrested? On second thought, delinquents like him needed to be taught a lesson if they ever hoped to become model citizens.

"Child, you're in enough trouble as it is. Don't make this harder on yourself." The first officer said.

The second officer glared though. "Maybe we should just lock him up for the night. Let him experience what the real worlds like."

"He's just a punk."

"Yet, I could own both of your asses." Deidara grumbled but was still heard.

"You know what? Maybe a night in the cage would do the kid some good."

Both grabbed for the boy, taking him to the station with Itachi not far behind them.

Itachi rolled his eyes as Deidara complained loudly about this being some sort of abuse. The brat really needed his head pounded in. Again.

Both he and Deidara though froze at what the second officer said then.

"We'll stick him in the third block cell, with the sex offenders."

Itachi instantly knew he wasn't being serious, that he was just messing with Deidara to elicit a scared emotion like any kid would at the thought of going to jail.

The reaction he got was much, much worse.

Deidara turned deathly white as his pupils contracted and he started hyperventilating.

_In a situation like this, that should have been a normal response to the idea of going to jail,_ Itachi thought.

But this was something else entirely. Deidara didn't react until after he was told he'd be going to the sex offender block, and he looked utterly terrified and ready to kill to get away from them.

Much like the victims of those sex offenders.

In that single moment Itachi paled, suddenly understanding why Deidara hated being touched, hated people in general, and reacted so damn violently towards most older people whom he deemed were 'too friendly' around Naruto.

Both officers were surprised when Itachi stopped them.

"Let him go."

The officer was cut off by the heir. "You said it yourself, he's just a punk. A whiny, bratty punk at that."

"But he deserves it!" The second officer whined.

"Come on, you don't like the kid either! Let him have a taste of how the real world works." The first one said, and Deidara continued to hyperventilate, nearly at the point of thrashing about to get away.

It could have been the stress of the clan breathing down his neck, his recent demotion and suspension, the fact Hana wanted him to help her court that thrice-damned Uzumaki, the gap between he and Sasuke, the sudden realization that the brat he hated had been a victim of the highest known depravity produced by man, or a combination of all of it but at that moment Itachi had momentarily misplaced his well-constructed mask of perfection and mannerism.

Flipping the gob-smacked officers the bird, Itachi snarled. "Seriously, follow Uzumaki's suggestion and go screw yourself, you (BEEP)ing (BEEP)!"

* * *

"I just realized that you have this special ability to make people who are normally respected members of society momentarily lose their sanity and act like degenerate renegades."

"Nope, I just simply make you embrace what's already there, un. Though seriously, I had no idea those were even swear words. Where did you learn those?"

"From my Mother when she thought I wasn't listening."

The two sat in their cell, one that was across from a cell with four adults that was in for petty crimes.

Deidara sat against the bars, nursing a headache.

"You should have gotten that checked while you were at the hospital." Itachi lectured.

"It wasn't bad before I left." Came the curt reply.

"You should really get those headaches checked."

"You're wrong. I'm fine."

"You just won't admit that I may be right, will you, brat?"

"You can be right all you wish, that doesn't change the fact you got dumped here on your own actions."

"My mother is going to chew my head off."

"Sucks to be you, arsehole."

After a while Itachi spoke in a low voice to keep the others in the cells from hearing. "He got what he deserved, didn't he?"

Deidara who was only listening partly to Itachi due to the headache, said automatically, "Who?"

"The one that molested you."

"Yes, and I enjoyed making him suff- WHAT? " Deidara yelled, finally registering what the older boy had asked. He turned and almost jerked back at seeing how close Itachi was.

Itachi's eyes grew hard. "What was his name?"

Deidara immediately wished he wasn't in the cell, because Itachi had that scary look in his eye that he had when Deidara announced that he'd smooched Hana.

Feeling that if he didn't answer there would be hell to pay, Deidara gave the vaguest facts he could.

"I don't remember. I was six! Besides he didn't molest me, un."

"But he tried to." Itachi filled in.

"He got what was coming to him anyways, un." Deidara replied turning away from Itachi.

"…You killed him." It wasn't a question, it was a statement.

The silence confirmed this to the heir.

Deidara promptly decided to just ignore Itachi, and Itachi felt he should try and reassure Deidara, yet he didn't. He knew Deidara well enough to know that Deidara would see it as pity, and the younger boy hated pity.

Looking back at Itachi, Deidara gave a nasty grin.

"Aww, are you falling in love with me, Itachi-kuuun?" The blonde said in sugary voice, drawing out the 'kun' much like how Amesha did.

Itachi glared at him. "I'd rather make love to a diseased heifer."

"Awww, but Itachi-kuuun, we were made for each other!" Deidara giggled, causing the smallest of smiles to form on Itachi's face.

So Deidara was the kind to deflect a hard situation by joking about it? He didn't expect that. The younger boy normally just lashed out.

For the day, he would play nice to the Uzumaki boy. Tomorrow, he would go back to hating him.

"You may want to stop that. There are those who might take advantage of your action… Dei-chan."

The stupid look Deidara had made disappeared, followed by a glower.

"Don't call me that."

Before he could reply a loud noise caught everyone's attention. It started as banging, yelling and a familiar 'Aniki!' before the door flung open, revealing an out of breath Sasuke.

"Kid! I'm telling you, they're stuck here for the night!" One of Itachi's many cousins yelled, shutting the door as Sasuke ran forward.

"Aniki! Danna! I'm here to save you!" Sasuke said proudly, giving them a thumb up.

Turning to the agitated guard, Sasuke said loudly, "I'm here to get Aniki and Danna!"

"Kid, they can't be-"

The guard was interrupted by the small boy.

"How's your other job doing? Making lots of money? I know you do it just because you like to, but it's always nice to know if it pays to do the things you love."

The guard gave the boy a shocked look before glaring. "What are you talking about, brat?"

"I'm talking about your bee hive hairdo, massive amount of make-up, size 12 stiletto high heels with fish net tights, fake breasts crop-top and ultra-short miniskirt. You know, the one you wear at bars during your second job that involves giving others guys 'good times'… What these good times are that involves you cross-dressing I'd rather not know, but I am aware that you don't want anybody else to know." The boy grinned as his relative paled.

"I don't know what…" the words died as Sasuke revealed a picture of the man, complete with drag clothing and make-up that was obviously based after a certain Sannin.

The goggle-headed boy grinned evilly, singing rather nastily.

"Don't get strung out by the way that I look,

Don't judge a book by its cover

I'm not much of a man by the light of day,

But by night I'm one hell of a lover

I'm just a Sweet Transvestite-"

"Okay! Okay! I'll get them out! Just-just don't show anybody!" The man begged.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the bars, Itachi, Deidara and the few inmates watched.

"…My seven-year-old brother is amassing a chain of slaves through blackmail… Uzumaki, if you ever teach my brother anything else, I'm going to gut you and make it look like an accident."

"I know Uchiha… Damn, I didn't think he'd get this bad."

"Do you think we can work for him?" One of the inmates asked.

"You'd be better off selling your soul to the devil, un."

* * *

Deidara was all for leaving the jail. Not only did he want to get away from prison, but also the memories that apparently his jailer had a 'night job' that involved him looking like a slightly more feminine version of Orochimaru.

Sasuke was beyond grateful to Deidara for his hand in helping him and Tenten get together, announcing that Deidara was safe from his black list. Unintentionally, due to Deidara helping him get the girl of his dreams, the boy was eternally grateful and wanted to show it anyway he could.

Deidara figured that as long as he didn't start emulating Kiba, or gave his address to Kiba, he could live with Sasuke pretty much worshipping him.

Very soon he was home, Itachi and Sasuke in tow because the Uchiha heir was in hiding from his mother who had gotten wind of her son's imprisonment.

As soon as they were there, Deidara was tackled by Naruto.

"Nii-san! You weren't at Hana-nee's, so Iruka and I came home! Are Sasuke and Aniki spending the night?"

Looking back at the duo, Deidara shrugged. "I guess; they just sorta followed me home. Hey Iruka, where are those futons we had? Sasuke will be sleeping in Fishcake's room, and the arsehole here can crash on your floor."

"The pinnacle of kindness and goodwill, that's you alright." Iruka muttered as he went about getting things ready.

Deidara smiled as he watched Naruto give Sasuke the tour of the house, the younger blonde obviously excited about having a friend over. He winced when he felt his headache grow.

Deidara rubbed his temples, trying to levee the headache building behind his eyes. Finding the couch, the blonde boy sat down, resting his head.

Soon he fell into a doze.

_"Mama!" Four-year-old Deidara squealed, running ahead of his father. His mother had been in labor since last night, and his father had to explain that his sibling was getting out of the pocket they put him in._

_Once in the room, Deidara saw his mother resting in bed, looking tired yet happy._

_In her arms was a bundle._

_The little boy, with the help of his father looked at the bundle. A tiny face poked out of it, whisker marks on his cheeks as he dozed, eyes shut and a tuff of blonde hair poking out of the top of the blanket._

_"Dei-chan, meet your baby brother. Naruto."_

_Deidara smiled holding out a hand gingerly. The new born clasped onto it, earning a giggle from their mother._

_"Looks like he knows who you are, Deidara." His father said bemusedly._

_"You'll be a good big brother, Dei-chan. You'll keep your brother safe, won't you? Yeah?" His mother said, smiling lovingly at him._

_"Un!" Deidara replied, smiling at the tiny baby._

_The happy memory suddenly changed._

_He was no longer in the room but staring in horror as he was drenched in his father's blood—a scream tearing out of his throat as he ran into a burning building._

_The Konoha ninja was after him. Trapped. He was trapped—the wall! Why wasn't it giving out? He pushed and pushed but it wouldn't fall—tears down his face, terror grabbing his heart, the enemy is crying too, whispering that he was sorry as he raised the kunai and brings it crashing down—_

_Blood. He was covered in blood. Heavy labored breathing was all he heard as he felt the weight on his side, getting a clear look at the crying shinobi who stared in horror before him._

_Blood. He was covered in it._

_And none of it was his._

_His mother was in front of him, holding tight as blood seeped out the corner of her mouth, a strange blade protruding from her torso. She smiled, looking deeply pained._

_"I love you, my little artist."_

_Then everything exploded, and darkness took him as he heard a baby's cry._

"Nii-san!"

Deidara jerked forward, but immediately clutched his head, pain searing through.

"Nii-san, you okay?" Naruto asked timidly.

Peeking through his fingers, Deidara saw that Naruto looked very worried, with both the Uchiha brothers and Iruka not far away, looking at him.

"You started thrashing about." Iruka said, looking very concerned.

"My head hurts. Nothing major." Deidara lied, letting his head go but winced as he heard pounding in his ears.

Even Itachi looked worried, and that peeved Deidara to no end.

After a moment Itachi walked out the room, and Deidara's head felt ready to explode.

_Gotta focus on something else!_ Deidara yelled mentally, and almost immediately he had an idea that would hopefully distract him, even if only briefly.

Not wanting Naruto to see what he was about to do, Deidara spoke. "Hey Fishcake, get me a glass of water, un? Sasuke you help him."

"Uh, sure Nii-san. Yeah." Naruto hesitated before both walked to the kitchen.

"Need anything?" Iruka asked, looking worried.

**CRACK!**

Iruka balked at the sickening noise, Deidara letting out a muffled groan of pain before fixing his broken finger with a nasty glare.

He felt the pain lower somewhat.

"Help me brace this one to the next finger. Hurry, Naruto'll be back soon."

Iruka gave him a reproachful look before aiding the clearly mental boy.

Deidara knew the chunin would report this but he didn't care. He couldn't even think straight.

Naruto and Sasuke walked back in, though Naruto stopped short as worry etched onto his face. "Nii-san! You're really pale! Do you need to go back to the hospital?"

Deidara smiled, though it too looked pained. "Nah. Just some post-crud."

"'Post-crud'?"

"Yup! So don't be worried if I suddenly turn purple, sport a third eye and sprout a horn on top of my head. It's perfectly natu-Narggggehh."

Iruka gave Deidara's hand a particularly nasty smack, making Deidara go paler and bite down on his tongue to keep from screaming.

"He's kidding." The chunin informed the wide-eyed boys.

Itachi reappeared at that moment, followed by the doctor Yakushi and Gai.

"Uzumaki-san, you've been summoned by the Hokage."

* * *

Iruka's team is based after H.E. Gray's fic _Things Team Nineteen Are No Longer Allowed To Do._ Unfortunately, he has deleted most of that wonderful story, but maverickiceman has done a spin off of it. I am in no way stealing their idea, merely borrowing its basis.

On a lighter note, here is an omake!

* * *

_How Sasuke Became the Group's Medic_

Deidara stared at the group of children he taught, throwing the scroll at them. It landed in the center of them, all looking at it before looking back to him.

"Since I have a feeling a lot of us are gonna end up in the hospital once you become genin's, I've been thinking that at least one of you will need to train to be a medic. It'll be hard, grueling training, something I can't give you seeing how my chakra's too dangerous for medical use. So I want you to decide in a clean and professional way on who will get to be our medic."

The children all looked at each other, to the scroll sitting harmlessly in the center, then back to Deidara.

Suddenly Shikamaru yelled out, "Last one gets to be the medic—Not It!"

Choji stopped eating to yell, "Not it!"

Quickly followed by Shino, "Not it!"

With Naruto rapidly crying out, "Not it! Yeah!"

Tenten and Lee's overlapped each other as they yelled, "Not it!"

With Hinata shaking her head swiftly as she spoke, "N-not it!"

With Ino, who practically hissed immediately afterwards, "Not me!"

Sakura debunked any chance of her getting it by yelling, "Hell no!"

Kiba waved his arms comically as he refused, "Not it!"

Neji, having trouble following everyone just stated, "Ah, not it?"

"Not- oh come on!" Sasuke cried, staring at them in disbelief. "You really want me to be your medic!"

Naruto shrugged. "My control sucks, yeah."

"I-I'm not confident enough." Hinata mumbled.

"I can't get my chakra to work!" Lee pointed out.

"I'm too lazy to save a life." Shikamaru said.

"I'd get too distracted." Choji said, setting his now empty bag on fire.

"Blood makes me queasy." Sakura blatantly lied.

"I'd flirt with the closest cute guy and forget you." Ino said with no remorse.

"I hate hospitals." Shino informed.

"If Deidara-sama got admitted, I would get sued and banned from the medical field for doing unprofessional things to him." Kiba replied, earning a slightly freaked out look from Deidara.

"I'm not cut out for medic training." Tenten replied, earning a blush from Sasuke.

"…I would let the people that annoy me die." Neji said simply. If they were going to be honest with their answers, then he saw no reason why he shouldn't either. Especially since he wasn't going to get in trouble for it.

"But, but-"

"Think of it as advancement in your extortion stills, seeing how you'll need to know pretty much everything about the guy you're healing." Deidara replied, smiling rather wickedly as he handed the scroll to him, before shooing them off so that he could get dressed. That and what Kiba said had creeped him out.

"But I don't wanna!" Sasuke whined as the group headed upstairs to the loot pile.

"Hey Tenten," Sakura started. "Don't you think he'll make a great healer?"

Tenten, thinking that Sakura was trying to bait Sasuke replied. "Yes! I think he'll make a wonderful medic! I know I would feel better if he was there for me when I hurt myself in training-"

"Okay, I'll do it." Sasuke agreed with a smile on his face.

Tenten blinked. That was easy.

Sakura, on the other hand, had to nudge Sasuke out of his daydream, in which he was helping Tenten with a few bruises that quickly turned to her kissing him in thanks.

"Er, right. Where do I start?" The goggle-headed boy stated.

* * *

A big thanks to phoenixyfriend, for beta-ing the chapter!


	30. Suspicions Confirmed

**My Wish Order Brother**

Author: PiperDreamer

Rating: Rated: M

Genre: General, AU

Beta: unedited

_Slant_ means thought

_Slant _and Underline mean either dreaming or memories

Disclaimer: By no way, form or legal right do I own Naruto.

* * *

Chapter Thirty: Suspicions Confirmed

* * *

Deidara stood before the Hokage, wondering not for the first time why he was here.

The old man looked up from the paperwork, a neutral look on his aged face. The young ex-Iwa felt dread in his stomach, unsure of what the elderly man wanted. The blonde's hands were clasped behind him in polite attention that would allow him to grip his broken finger should his head begin to hurt too much.

"You look well, Deidara-kun." The elder man started, lighting his ipe.

"I still ache, but I'll heal. How's the paperwork, un?"

"Manageable." Came the clipped answer.

Deidara was fairly sure the Hokage was lying, but let that go mainly because the old man didn't look like he wanted to dance around the bush.

"Deidara-kun, do you know what this is?" the old man said flippantly, holding out a picture.

It was Naruto's picture with their parents.

Deidara stared at it for a moment when he felt a wave of dizziness…

_"…and that's how you make one of these." Sasuke's voice said happily._

_"That's it?"_

_"Basically, Danna."_

_"Don't call me that. How soon before that big picture is done?"_

_"Naruto'll get it at his party, I promise. But why did you want to know how to do this anyhow?"_

_"That's a secret."_

Deidara blinked once. What was that…?

Seeing the old man was waiting Deidara replied, "I made that for Naruto, un."

"You falsified a picture because…?"

Deidara shrugged. "Naruto always wanted to see his parents. I didn't think it would hurt to make a picture with him and me with my parents. I just wanted him to know he still has family." _Which you helped take away._ Deidara added mentally before wondering, _where did that come from?_

"Deidara-kun, you do realize you blatantly lied to Naruto-"

"I'm not lying!" Deidara yelled before he could stop himself. "He is my brother! And besides, because of the Kyuubi attack, nobody knows who Naruto's parents are! He could be a Yamanaka or an Inuzuka, a civilian casualty or, hell, he could just be a refugee Iwa-nin's child!"

_Careful,_ the child voice said urgently_. You don't want him to know your really are Naruto's brother. They would take you away from him._

_But he isn't._ The cold voice whispered somewhere in his mind, but he was too worked up to hear it.

Forcing himself to calm down, Deidara winced at the pounding headache before speaking again.

"I just wanted him to have parents too, un. Why can't I share mine?"

Sarutobi sighed. Children, especially traumatized children, clung to their loved ones and made as many bonds with them as possible. It was a normal reaction, but Deidara was taking this to a new and somewhat disturbing level.

In the past couple of weeks, ANBU reports had shown that he had become overly protective of Naruto, his 'lessons' more harmful, and was repeatedly showing signs of mental imbalance.

The protective nature was understandable, thanks to the School Fire Incident. The lessons could be taken as Deidara wanting the children to be safe in the event that they get kidnapped. The mental imbalance was more than likely due to the fact he hadn't unleashed his chakra since the school fire, something he had to rectify and soon.

But what had disturbed Sarutobi the most was Deidara's unhealthy dependence on the younger boy.

When he first met Deidara, he was simply a kid who felt indebted to Naruto, and had probably stayed with him because he had nowhere else to go, and treated Naruto more like an annoying yet lovable roommate then a brother.

But now Deidara seemed fixated on Naruto, like his whole world balanced on the younger boy's approval.

He was bluntly reminded of a younger Danzo, whose dedication to the village had turned him into a ruthless sociopathic fanatic. They were still friends, bizarrely enough, but it didn't take much to see that if Danzo ever suspected that He was endangering the village, then the Warhawk would removed Sarutobi from the Hokage position by any means necessary.

But the boy in front of him didn't understand; Naruto was going to be told about his real parents when he became a chunin, and it would be very difficult to do so if he believed that Deidara was really his long lost brother.

It was one thing to make the council and village believe it, but another thing entirely if the boys deluded themselves to the lie. Even worse was the off chance Deidara might become bored of Naruto, and abandon the small child. He did not want to see Naruto's reaction to that.

Perhaps he could get Deidara to let go of Naruto before it was too late? The older boy had already suffered enough. Deidara may be loyal to Naruto, but he was still a child.

"Deidara-kun, it isn't a crime to care for someone deeply, but think of your actions. Naruto isn't your real brother-" this earned him a frigid glare, "and there is a chance that he could have a living relative that'll take him in. Do you want to explain to Naruto that the couple in this photo is not really his parents? Don't you want Naruto to develop into a healthy and well-adjusted person?"

Deidara stopped to think. It was true that Naruto could have a relative out there somewhere, but he was fairly certain that if they were any alive within the village they had changed their name to distance themselves from him.

Wait, why did he think Naruto had a relative outside of himself? If you didn't include their grand-uncle and cousin Kurotsuchi on the his mother's side, they were the last of the Jibaku clan, they didn't have any-

_"Mama! Mama!" Deidara said, running up to his mother. She was in her garden, rocking Naruto to sleep._

_She turned, smiling at him. "Yeah?"_

_"Wots this?" he asked, holding up an insignia he found among his mother's belongings. It was an old and worn out red spiral._

_"This? It was my mother's. She came from a family named Uzumaki."_

_The two plus sleeping infant smiled at it…_

Deidara blinked, returning to the present. Uzumaki? He recalled the memory but it felt wrong, like it wasn't there before yet he remembered it.

_It's not real…_the cold voice whispered but it seemed far away.

Sarutobi continued seeing how Deidara wasn't speaking. "Deidara-kun, I believe it would be best for you two to stop living together-"

"NO!" the boy screamed, making Sarutobi jerk back as though slapped.

"I'm not going anywhere! Naruto is my brother, my responsibility, and I will kill to keep him safe!" the boy yelled, and Sarutobi paled when he saw the boys eyes turn purple.

_Not good._ Looks like he needed Jiraiya sooner then he thought.

"Deidara-kun, there are things about Naruto you just don't understand-"

"Like the fact he has a demon renting his gut out?"

The Hokage choked on the fumes in his pipe. Alright, he wasn't expecting that. After a moment of coughing he pinned the blonde with a hard stare.

"How do you know that?"

Deidara snorted. "With all due respect sir, it has to be the worst kept secret _ever_. You don't need to be a genius like that Arsehole to figure it out, un. Seriously, it's a freakin' miracle he hadn't snapped yet, and decided to slaughter everybody!"

Sarutobi nodded slowly. "Just how much do you think you know?"

Deidara paused, wincing as he recalled. "People used to attack him, call him monster, and demon, and accuse him of killing loved ones, despite the fact he can't grasp the concept of murder. He almost got disemboweled thanks to your stellar choice in academy instructor. Then Naruto pulled something with his seal that nearly got us both killed, that now enables me to heal at an ungodly rate, even after Uchiha basically broke a third of all my bones and nearly ruptured several organs. Now I suffer from bad headaches."

"Well, that's more than those who stumble upon it accidentally know, and you are the first to react in a calm and rational manner."

"None of the others who found out got to be a jinchuriki afterwards." Deidara said balefully.

"I was trying to save both you and Naruto. Had the seal broke, Naruto would have been destroyed. Besides you're not a real jinchuriki, just an artificial one. You only have four tails in you, not the actual demon."

"Yay me." Came the sarcastic reply.

Alright, Sarutobi honestly wasn't expecting that. It would seem that, unlike many adults, Deidara could actually see the difference between monster and child. A heavy weight seemed to disappear from the aged man shoulders, and he smiled.

It would seem getting Deidara to leave Naruto would either be insanely difficult or downright impossible, and would probably involve decimating Konoha before getting the two separated.

That said, he would keep Deidara very busy in hopes of limiting their time together, and with any luck the separation would help Deidara's dependence issues.

"Deidara-kun, your schedule has been postponed till next week due to your injuries. After this meeting, I'm going to have Yamanaka-san look at your head for any damages since you suffered head trauma-"

"What!" Deidara yelled before wincing.

"-and apparently headaches. We believe that because you haven't unleashed your kekkei genkai since you awoke it, it may be causing your headaches. He is only seeing if there are any damages to your brain working."

"It is fine, un."

"It is nonnegotiable. Once done, you'll be escorted back to your home. Understood?"

"Why do I need an escort?"

"Because it's dangerous." Sarutobi wasn't about to say that the danger wasn't from a possible terrorist attack but rather in the form of Uchiha Mikoto who wanted the head of the person who got her eldest son thrown in jail and 'taught' him how to swear.

He silently prayed -for Fugaku's sake if nothing else- that his sons never became 'psychotic homicidal banshees', as Fugaku once called his wife when he had been thoroughly drunk and out of ear shot.

Deidara pouted. "Feh. Fine, un." On the inside, he was slowly becoming frantic. _Not good! What if they find out I'm not from here?_

_He won't find anything worthwhile if he does pick our brain,_ the childish voice said impishly.

_That's because he'll be too distracted by the death trap that is our mind._ The cold one sneered.

* * *

It was nearly 11 PM and Naruto couldn't sleep.

He was worried when Deidara started thrashing about before waking up and being sent to Old Man Hokage. Was his brother fine? Didn't the doctors heal him? It was one thing to forget him when he was sick, but he would not tolerate anyone forgetting to heal Deidara!

He pulled out the _Beldam Brilliance _book (which he had liberated from the loose floor boards under Deidara's bed) and a flash light, starting to read some of the more advanced schematics to unleash upon the hospital staff.

"That's not good for your eyes."

Naruto jumped, looking over his bed. Sasuke lay on the futon below, peering up at him.

"Don't care. Gotta get back at the hospital staff for not healing Nii-san all the way, yeah."

"What are you reading?"

Naruto held the book like it was a holy relic as he whispered. "It's the book that Nii-san teaches us from. That and this one," he paused to show _Nihilist Recipe Book_.

"Really?" Sasuke whispered as he sat upright, looking at them in awe.

"Yeah. Grant it, Nii-san has edited some of it, so now it has even more explosive power behind it, yeah."

"Can I read one?"

"Um, I don't know…Nii-san gets angry when I read them. Says it's like I'm cheating on school…"

"Come on! I won't show anybody! It won't even leave your room, I promise."

"Well, okay but only if you promise to keep me off your black list."

"For every page I finish is one day you won't get blackmailed, deal?"

"Throw in ideas on how to get back at the staff, and it's a deal."

* * *

Danzo stared blankly at the young Root member. "Tell me what you saw again."

The young silver haired boy paused momentarily before repeating his mission report.

"After Uzumaki Deidara was released from the hospital, Uchiha Itachi had retrieved him. The two bickered some before falling quiet, and Uzumaki Deidara wandered into a crime scene for no apparent reason. He was apprehended by the police who had proceeded to attempt to give him a warning, but Uzumaki Deidara became unruly and disruptive. The police were going to have him spend the night in prison but then Uchiha Itachi tried to stop them. After speaking some more, he proceeded to give them an obscene hand gesture and told them to…"

He paused to find the right words. "Self-fornicate in a graphic manner… and I did not catch what else he said, but it caused the men to arrest him as well. Barely two hours later one of Uzumaki's disciples, Uchiha Itachi's younger brother, came and got them out after blackmailing the guard."

Danzo blinked again. That was what he thought he said, he just didn't believe the ever unflappable Uchiha Itachi had actually caused a racket and swore at someone.

One would have thought the boy had undergone Danzo's Root training for all the emotion he showed.

Then again, Uzumaki Deidara was the same person to cause Uchiha prodigy to become severely violent, and got the older boy diagnosed with a minor mental breakdown, along with a demotion and suspension.

Danzo looked over at the Root member's report.

On the surface, the boy Deidara was unruly, vindictive, and a complete brat. But if one were to look underneath that he saw patterns. Deidara seemed to always be plotting something; he always found ways to cause problems and solutions and his lessons were ingenious, though suspicious in the fact that many of the taijutsu and chakra control methods he taught were most prominently used in Iwa.

Then the boy had found a way to crack into the Uchiha prodigy near impenetrable mask without really trying.

The boy was a walking anomaly, and that grated on all his fine-tuned senses.

He had nothing to verify the boy's origins, or any reliable way to confirm any of the brat's stories. He just appeared around the same time Konoha hospital was attacked all those months ago.

He found it rather convenient that a previously unknown Jibaku had shown up after the hospital was attacked by an earth-based bomb that hurled out of the sky.

A little too convenient. Despite Yukika's _confirmation_ that he had only recently awoken his blood limit, Danzo didn't trust Yukika wholly. The woman was a former Mist nin, daughter to a S-class missing nin, a grave robber, a mass murderer, and aided Orochimaru in those experiments, and he wouldn't have been surprised at all if her daughter was really one of her experiments that she decided to keep out of boredom.

He only kept her secret due to her extensive connections and lengthy knowledge. To a degree she was trustworthy, but only when it suited her.

He could easily see her covering up the boys entry into the village, or worse the boy was actually an experiment like that Tenzo kid, and Yukika had decided to unleash her pet project to test his capability.

Either way, the boy was proving a danger to the village, and had too much control over the Kyuubi container. The boy was becoming a rotting piece of flesh on the body of Konoha.

He looked up at the silver haired teen, grim as ever. "Continue your mission. If the boy shows even an ounce of hostility towards a Konoha-nin, tell me immediately."

The Root member nodded before disappearing in smoke, leaving Danzo alone.

If the boy proved to be a liability, then he would cut out the rot that threatened his village.

* * *

Eiji jerked about, pain being his only sense. He was swallowed by darkness and agony. Even parts of him he never knew existed ached. He didn't know where he was, nor did he care, Robin's screams echoed in tune to throbs of pain that racked his body.

Was he dead? Was he in hell? Darkness was all he could see even as his left eye seemed to throb worse than the rest of him.

For a moment, he thought he heard something move, but that was impossible. Then it came again. Footsteps? And voices, coming through to him like echoes in a cave. Far, far away the voices called to each other.

More muttering. Becoming closer. Something vibrated near him and dirt fell on his face. It felt strange, too close. The footsteps were next to his head now, and he tried to yell at them, tell them to just kill him already, but all that came out was a strangled cry.

"I found Sparrow!" a familiar voice cried.

Lights soon filled the place but something was blocking Eiji's left eye from seeing. The light was bright and painful but he would take the pain of the light over the darkness any day.

"Eiji!" was that his brother he heard?

"Guys! I just found Robin, or what's left of him. Poor bastard, looks like he was eaten alive- holy shit! Is that Sparrow?"

"Leave me! You got to get out of here!" Eiji wordlessly shouted.

"He's panicking!" his brother's voice stated. "Hold him down while I sedate him!"

"Nooo! Run!" Eiji called out in a silent scream as they held him down and something sharp was stuck into his arm.

As his vision faded once more he heard their voices fade away and the image of the demented white haired woman with the burn scar smiled maliciously at him, her high cold laughter echoing with Robin's screams.

* * *

This chapter has not been edited completely.

PD


	31. Miscommunication Can Kill

**My Wish Order Brother**

Author: PiperDreamer

Rating: Rated: M

Genre: General, AU

Beta: This chapter has not been edited.

Disclaimer: By no way, form or legal right do I own Naruto.

* * *

Chapter Thirty-one: Miscommunication Can Kill

* * *

The world around him was a kaleidoscope of colors, memories and emotions, fragmented in a fashion that was eye catching, and made you stare in awe as it made you nearly forget it's glaringly ruined bedlam. It was beautiful.

And utterly frightening, in its chaotically damaged order.

He looked about, horrified and fascinated that anyone could still be functioning so well when they were obviously psychotically unwell, and rapidly getting worse.

The human mind wasn't supposed to be disjointed; people who did have major mental illnesses were often looked upon in pity. Those who could stay in society were often something of a pariah, or considered just plain weird and sometimes feared. Very few could blend in to society without anyone questioning their mental health.

The fact Deidara could walk around people and not be considered weird (albeit hazardous), told him that the kid had an inner strength to maintain such a 'normal' outer appearance.

Officially, he had been sent to check the boy for head injuries. Unofficially, the Hokage wanted the kid's head evaluated. Apparently the kid had suffered a lot of trauma, and had made some harsh choices children his age should never face, and being the Kyuubi's jailer's only family and self-appointed protector was bound to have some negative effects.

Considering he had only been here for about thirty minutes and already had a list of possible mental inequality, he could say with no doubt that the boy had more then a few 'issues'. His primary diagnosis so far had been that the boy's mind was, to put it bluntly, 'completely (BEEP)ed up'.

Inochi looked around, drifting towards the disarray of bits that glowed in various colors and luster. This was fascinating! He hadn't been this intrigued since he evaluated Anko's and Gai's psyche!

Of course, those two had obvious mental issues, so this may not be a good thing. Especially since he was in the head of a ten year old boy.

Inochi frowned as he saw what looked like a burnt mark on some of the floating pieces. On closer examination he saw that it looked like a rotting, pulsating pus-creature that emitted a dark corrupting aura he had felt before.

_Well, that's not good._ The man thought as he begins to follow the burning parasite back to a sealed door. _The Kyuubi's power is causing more damaged than we thought._

He wasn't aware that he was being watched, or that an older looking veteran version of Deidara was restraining a very young yet horribly scarred version of Deidara, both hidden within the spiral of colors and figments.

* * *

Deidara was all too happy to leave Inochi's presence, not wanting the man anywhere near his mind anymore.

_This is for those rumors I started, isn't it? Stupid karma._ The boy mentally grumbled. He had been here overnight, and his head hurt like crazy from getting invaded. Had Iruka remembered to feed Naruto a healthy meal? Did Sasuke steal from his room with intent to sell his stuff to Kiba? And that arsehole Uchiha started trying to indoctrinate Naruto to some stupid ideal?

"That'll be all, Uzumaki-kun." Inochi said lightly, writing down his findings as he occasionally shot wary looks at the boy.

_Never a good sign when the specialist does that,_ He noted to himself as he watch Inochi persistently glance at him, wary and guarded.

"Right…I have to finish up this report. I'll get the ANBU to return you back to your home-"

The door opened, and suddenly Deidara didn't mind the Yamanaka who probed his head mere moments ago.

"Yamanaka-san? Th-there is an ANBU here who request your presence." Yukika said, looking shy.

"Ah, thank you Haruno-san." Inochi replied, giving the woman a soft smile.

_Don't fall for it! Scar-bitch is evil! She's really a soul-sucking banshee!_ Deidara mentally yelled though his face was impassive.

"If-if Deidara-kun is finished here, I-I can take him home." The white haired medic offered.

"That would actually be helpful."

_Don't leave me with her! She'd vivisect me to achieve an orgasm!_ Mentally wailed the blonde.

"He needs rest and shouldn't do anything overexerting."

"Understood."

_Traitor!_ Deidara mentally hissed at the man as he left.

The second the door closed, she fixed him a blank look that was unnerving at best.

For a moment they just stared at each other, with Deidara doing his utmost best not to look away.

She finally spoke in a clip monotoned voice. "We have one week to finish the terrorist blight. I will be using you to end it. You have no say in it; you _will _be helping."

"What!" Deidara hissed much like a cat. "Are you trying to get me caught? I'd be better off packing up and running to the borders with Naruto!"

"It seems only fair; you started it, you should end it." She said with finality.

"Not happening, un." Deidara glared harshly.

"Oh, I think you'll find you won't be able to resist." The blank face melted away, revealing a psychotic smile.

"What?"

"Recently an old lab was found. Here are the directions. Be there in one week from this day otherwise you'll have to face the consequences of your actions, or lack of thereof."

The smile disappeared, replaced with its blank look once more. "Come now. Naruto is probably worried about you."

* * *

Sarutobi stared at the paper before him, not wanting to believe what he was reading. He read a second time and a third time, yet the words hadn't changed. Looking back up, Sarutobi saw the grim face of Inochi.

"Insane?" the elderly leader said, looking at back at the piece of paper that held Deidara mental evaluation. This couldn't be right. "He's insane?"

"Not the word I'd use, since he is essentially capable of rationale thought. A psychotic sociopath yes, but insane? …an understandable possibility."

Sarutobi couldn't believe this. He suspected Deidara was a little unsteady, but he understood why, the boy had been through a lot in his short ten years of life! He expected to see that the boy was mentally scarred and had an unhealthy dependence issues, as well as trust issues and perhaps in need of therapy. But to be announced clinically insane?

"Just-just how bad is he?"

"On the scale between 'stable' and 'Gai insane', I'd say he was just a few pegs below Anko, mostly because of his sociopathy… and considering Anko is right below Gai in my book of crazies that is really saying something."

Sarutobi palmed his forehead. It was never reassuring when his two most unbalanced people where being used to measure someone's mental health.

"But aside from his obsession of keeping Naruto safe and happy, he doesn't show any signs of being a psychopath!"

"That's because he is a sociopath, sir. Hence way his instability hasn't shown right through."

"What's the difference?"

"Quite a lot. A psychopath can't tell the difference between right and wrong. A sociopath can…they just don't care."

Sarutobi stared. "Excuse me? 'They just don't care'?"

"I have seen my fill of those dangerous sociopath; they seem like nice and charming people, and have a charisma about them. But those people are some of the most messed up and perfidious individuals out there. They would use and destroy those close to them without an ounce of remorse. Orochimaru is a good example of those kinds, and are the reason I'd rather deal with people like Anko and Gai, who are blatantly insane then the ones that can blend in with normal people."

Sarutobi floundered for words. "But-but he's just a child! He's been through horrible experiences!"

"I have little doubt that what had happened to him in the past is the reason he is so screwed up, but more importantly it's his genetics. He comes from a clan that is a literal walking vat of chemicals that have caused his clansmen to do insane things. Chances are, his chakra had been potent all this time and that it only got stronger with the awakening if his kekkei genkai. The mixing of demon with his chakra is also another part that made it more corrosive, causing him loose his grip on reality a lot faster.

I would have recommended getting him and Naruto as far away from each other, but I'm afraid that may be too late for that."

"Too late?" Saruotbi whispered, giving a look of despair.

"Despite his obvious sociopathic nature, he has shown that he cares for Naruto, which is unusual for a sociopath. Normally sociopaths don't care about people, just on how they can manipulate them. Yet Deidara has shown a homicidal attitude towards anyone who wishes to harm Naruto, has ran into a flaming building and risked being crippled, or worse to keep him safe and when he had thrown Naruto a party, he freaked out because he thought he upsetted Naruto somehow. Deidara does, in a sense, care and perhaps loves Naruto…which leads to an interesting blend of psychotic and sociopathy from Deidara."

"I don't see how that should prevent me from separating them."

"Sir, you placed two virtual bombs in unstable container's under a single roof, one of which has no qualm killing, destroying and using everything in his path, sans his beloved brother. And said beloved brother is just as willing to unleash hell if it means keeping his older brother safe."

Sarutobi sighed, leaning back into his chair. He was too old for this. Not only was Deidara apparently (in Inochi's own words) a psychotic sociopath, but apparently had an extreme Little Brother complex.

"In my opinion they should stay together; we're less likely to reduce Konoha into a smoldering crater. Plus, Deidara is more stable and not faking kindness around Naruto, and during those lessons Deidara teaches. Deidara should continue his training though; thanks to the demon's chakra he heals faster, and this lessens the tension on his mind."

"I see. Anything else?"

"Just one. He needs to unleash that chakra before the end of this week; otherwise we may very well be dealing with a vegetable before the month is over."

The Hokage sputtered. "What? !"

"The human brain can only take so much before it breaks. If that happens, the boy's brain will turn to sludge, or in the worst case scenario we'll be getting a front row view of a frothing lunatic, that may or may not be able to tell friend from foe."

This just kept getting better and better.

"Send the boy home. I'm going to see Jiraiya after the meeting."

"Haruno-san is taking him home. I told her to make sure he rests and doesn't overexert himself."

* * *

Deidara was fairly certain the lady before him had tried more then once to knock his hand-teeth out with the force of her blows.

On the way back to his home, she had been randomly smacking him. Her official reason was that she was helping his reaction time, but Deidara was convinced that Yukika was upset over something and had decided on taken it out on him.

On top of his head splitting headache, he had bruises. Truly this was the apex of his day.

He was beyond happy to see the cottage and practically ran to it, the Scar-bitch close behind him. Turning to the woman, Deidara gave a mock bow.

"Thank you for getting me home. I could not have done it without you." Sarcasm oozing for every syllable.

Yukika gave him a cold look. "One week. Stop the crisis, and everyone you care about lives."

And with that she vanished in leaves. A pool of dread filled his stomach.

_Stop the crisis, and everyone you care about lives._

That didn't sound ominous at all. Sighing in frustration he marched into his home, wanting to see his brother.

* * *

Morning came, and for once Iruka could get to the bathroom without needing to be cut loose from wires.

He found it slightly disturbing that he had been wired like a spring, ready for in a paranoid manner for a trap till he remembered that Deidara had been called in by the Hokage the night previous. Since when did he grew accustom to every inch of the house being booby trapped?

Itachi was already up and had started on breakfast which consisted of tamagoyaki*, with grated daikon radish on the side with tea.

He checked in Deidara's room, finding the room empty of his older ward before wandering into Naruto's room (which caused a jerk reaction to side step once he opened the door, having had far too many pale's full of questionable liquids drop onto him since he started living here).

He stifled a laugh at finding Naruto half off his bed, his upper body being supported by Sasuke who he had draped an arm over one shoulder and rested his head on the other; Sasuke was propped up in a sitting manner against the bed, a book in his lap, as his head lolled to the side as he snored lightly.

Gently he walked in he took the drooling blonde off the other boy, waking Naruto in the process.

"Wha-*snort* where's the cake? The cake is a lie." The boy said groggily, yawning as Iruka sat him up straight.

Having his support removed, Sasuke pitched to the side, bobbing his head on the floor.

"Ow! Tenten, not the face! …Oh, hi Iruka-san." The sleepy boy said, rubbing his eyes.

Ignoring what Sasuke said (pretending he didn't hear what the children said half of the time was how he remained sane so far), the chunin smiled at them.

"Morning. Breakfast is ready."

The small group sat around the table as Itachi served the meal. Soon everyone enjoyed the hot meal when conversation started up.

Turning to the younger boys, Iruka spoke. "So how was your sleep, guys?"

"Eh. Good I guess yeah." Naruto replied before shoveling his food in, Sasuke murmured a 'good' before looking at Itachi.

"Hey, Aniki? How mad do you think Kaa-san is?"

"She is probably very upset."

"…should we flee the country?"

"What?"

"Danna says that if you have a enraged woman after you, the best thing you can do is either fight her to the death or flee the country. Since I don't want to kill Mom, I thought maybe needed to flee instead. Do you think Tenten would mind moving with us if we moved to Suna, or somewhere far away?"

Itachi sighed. "Running away from your problems is never a good idea. You should try to do what is best, even if you don't like it."

"But Kaa-san is scary."

"Yes she is, Sasuke."

"She makes the Elder's cry."

"She can be a stern person."

"She makes Dad cower in fear."

"Lots of wives make their husbands do that."

"Dad even said that if he could have gotten away with it, he'd have never married Mom because she was so scary."

"Sasuke-"

"Does that mean Dad didn't want us? Because we're reminders of how he is stuck with our scary, castrating Mother?"

"Father loves us, in his own unique way. And I'm sure he loves Mother, despite her… habits. Now no more on this topic."

The four ate, Iruka and Itachi talking about different teaching methods as the boys chatted about anything that came to mind. Finally Naruto asked something that had been bothering him since he awoke.

"By the way Sasuke, what were you dreaming about?"

Sasuke blushed. "Oh, Ten–chan and I -" the boy gave a rather sappy smile here, utterly enthralled over the aspect of calling the girl of his dreams '–chan' without fear of it being improper- "were sparring and she was beating me black and blue."

Conversation around the table died at this, with the other three staring at the raven haired boy with different degrees of shock.

Naruto stared at his friend blandly. "Um, Sasuke? Most people don't dream about getting beaten up by their girlfriend's."

"Have you seen her when she angry? It's- it's beautiful!" Sasuke said in a whimsical voice as Naruto looked over to the disturbed looking Itachi.

"Aniki, why are all the guys in your family attracted to pain?"

Itachi turned his eyes to Naruto and replied with a flat "What?"

"It's just that the men in your family seem to go for girl's who can beat the crap outta them. Sasuke told me that most of the blackmail he has on his family is either embarrassing hobbies, or because their are mas- masi-uh… Sasuke, what was that word you heard Shisui use?"

"Masochist?" Sasuke replied, coming back to reality.

"Yeah, that one!"

Looking to Itachi, Iruka had the privilege of seeing the normally stoic face Uchiha look distinctly embarrassed and trying to find an escape, if the way his eyes looked around the room was any indication.

Itachi on the other hand wanted dearly to pound the head of a certain blonde brat into the side of a brick wall for making Sasuke an extortionist. That was something he did not want to know about his clan, ever.

"Do all your family members enjoy getting beaten up?" Naruto said, looking perturbed at Sasuke now.

"Well, Aniki doesn't. And apparently Dad used to be too, but he grew out of it once he married Mom if my sources are to be believed."

"Sasuke, this is not a conversation for the table." Itachi said in a clip tone, making it clear the subject was to be dropped.

For a few moments it was quite, still Naruto opened his mouth.

"You know Sasuke, Tenten tends to beat you like a cheap drum in those spars of yours. If you insist on sparring with her, people will think you're a masochist too."

"Heavy risk, but the priiiiiize…" Sasuke said, wiggling his eyebrows.

Itachi choked on his food before staring at his little brother in silent horror.

_I didn't hear that, no sir,_ Iruka denied to himself as he ate.

Anything that could have been said after that awkward admission was mercifully killed by the door opening, revealing Deidara.

Upon seeing Deidara, Naruto sprung out of his seat, diving across the room and tackling Deidara.

"Niiiiiiiiii-saaaaaaaaaan!"

Nar-OOPH!"

_THWOK!_ **SNAP!**

A stream of colorful metaphors filled the air from Deidara, as Iruka and Itachi rushed over to where the fallen blonde was.

Checking the older blonde, Iruka almost palmed his face. "Not again…Uchiha-san, can you please help me get Deidara to the hospital? I may be wrong, but I think he broke his sternum."

Itachi was not one to take pleasure in another's suffering, but he found it amusing that Deidara needed to go back to the hospital after just getting out.

"I'm sorry!" Naruto wailed, tears looking ready to spill.

* * *

Deidara was once more back in the hospital, glaring at everything. It hadn't taken long to get him back to the hospital, not when Itachi called for his ANBU watchers. Once back at the hospital the doctor, Yakushi announced that Deidara had indeed broke his sternum but it was already healing.

Not that it made anything better since he was stuck in bed. Iruka tried to mollify him.

"I know you don't like the hospital, but it's really for your own good! We have to make sure everything is fine with you."

Deidara grunted stiffly. "They said it was already mending."

"Yes, but they want to make sure it heals correctly. Look, I'll go get a nurse, okay? She'll give the full report, and then we'll see if you can leave early." The chunin said before leaving.

The Uchiha brother's had left when Shisui found them and made it clear their mother was looking for them. He didn't know where they went, but he was fairly certain they were back in hiding.

This left Naruto with a tetchy Deidara.

"Um, how are you feeling?" Naruto asked, shrinking away at the glare sent his way.

"I feel like a cosmic plaything." Deidara seethed.

Looking away Naruto fidgeted, staring dejectedly at the floor. He felt horrible for hurting Deidara like that and Deidara could see it, making him soften up.

"It'll be fine, Fishcake. I've survived worse."

Naruto looked up, a shy smile on his face. Deidara half-smiled back before closing his eyes.

Naruto, hoping to cheer Deidara up, decided to joke. "Eh, what's a couple of broken bones? Besides, you practically live here!"

It must have been the wrong thing to say, because Deidara's eyes snapped open, looking an angry purple.

"Maybe if you hadn't dived at me, I wouldn't be stuck here! Again! Thank you so much, you moron! Un!"

Naruto's lip wobbled, eyes wide in shock. Deidara called him a moron! That-that-

"You jerkwod!" Naruto yelled before running off.

Watching Naruto run, Deidara sighed as he ran a hand through his hair.

Why did he snap like that? He may have been having trouble sleeping at night, head splitting headaches that made focusing on anything impossible, and felt like Yukika was trying to kill him in the name of training but really, that wasn't a good excuse for snapping at Naruto or calling him a moron. Now he had to search the hospital for the wayward blonde.

Sighing he left the room in search for his wayward brother.

This day can't get any worse.

The childish voiced wailed. _HE JINXED US!_

* * *

Naruto slowed down, sulkily walking aimlessly. Why did Deidara get snappy like that? He was just joking! Stupid brother…

To be honest, Naruto was a bit worried about him. Deidara seemed okay on the surface, but ever since they started living together, Naruto had studied Deidara and knew certain quirks he did; like when he was annoyed or peeved he said 'un' more, or if he was acting like a jerk he was not feeling well, or if he was trying to reassure him he was nervous, or afraid for Naruto's wellbeing. Stuff like that.

But for the past couple of days Deidara had been antsy, a wild look often appeared in his eye, and would be up in the dead of night when he thought no one was awake, and at moments Naruto thought he saw him reaching for that pouch of clay he use to carry but stopped at the last minute.

It was like he was going stir crazy or something!

A strange sound, one that sounded like giggling was suddenly heard.

Naruto followed the giggling, wondering what was so funny. Soon he was behind a white haired older man dressed in a patient outfit, peeking in on the nurse's lounge.

"Whatcha doin'?" Naruto asked.

The man froze up before very slowly looking at Naruto. Seeing the boy, the man sighed.

"Oh thank kami, I thought you were that little girl…"

"Why are you peeking on those ladies?" Naruto said rather loudly. The man looked startled as the women heard this, and before they could open the door, the old man had grabbed Naruto and ducked into the nearest room.

Setting the boy down the older man checked the door, breathing a sigh of relief.

"Were you doing something bad?" Naruto questioned, giving the man a suspicious look.

"No! I was researching!"

"…you're a perv, aren't you?" Naruto asked. Hana had informed him about those; bad men that violate women's privacy that should be hung by their peenee, that's what she said.

The old geezer gave Naruto an appraising look before smiling and striking a goofy pose. "I am Mt. Myobokugama's holy master Sannin, also know as the Toad Sennin!"

"You're a big pervert."

"Yes I am!"

Naruto sighed. Apparently this guy had no shame. Hoping to change the conversation, Naruto decided to introduce himself.

"Okay, good for you. My names Uzumaki Naruto, yeah." He wasn't really surprised by the look he got from the older guy.

"Naruto, eh?" the pervert said, looking him over.

"Hey kid, do you mind if I see your belly?"

Naruto looked at him in bewilderment. "Why?"

"I may not look like it but I'm a specialist, and I just want to make sure your okay."

Naruto blinked. This guy was a doctor? Well, Iruka did say he had to listen to the doctors. Reluctantly the boy agreed.

Taking his shirt off, Naruto watched as the man poked and rubbed his stomach, wondering what the old guy was doing.

Meanwhile Jiraiya frowned. _His seal has been shot to hell! I'm amazed it's still working. Sensei's not going to like this, but the kids going to need this seal replaced._

Neither noticed the third figure that stepped into the room just then.

Jiraiya looked up, smiling. "Well kid I have to say, you're a special one alright."

"Really?" Naruto asked, looking surprised. Was that a good thing?

"Really. Why don't I take you to my room, so that we can see this better?" _And hopefully keep it from unraveling. _He mentally added.

"I don't know…" Naruto trailed off, not sure if he should go with this weird doctor.

"There will be candy." Jiraiya tried, hoping to bribe the boy into coming with him. Anything to get that seal put under better control, and to keep his godson safe.

A sudden and extremely potent KI flooded the room, biting and ripping into Jiraiya.

Naruto and Jiraiya looked at the doorway, both seeing a very homicidal looking blonde.

_It's that girl!_ The older man thought, but now he knew that revenge was going to have to wait; the girl was giving off demon charka. Sensei said he sealed part of the tails into another kid. _This doesn't look good, the seal on her must be extremely shoddy of it took control without provocation!_

"Nii-san?" Naruto tried, scared at what he saw. Deidara was snarling, showing enlonged fangs, had claws where he previously had normal nails, but what scared Naruto the most was his eyes. They were blood red and slit.

"Naruto," Deidara hissed. Grabbing his shirt Naruto fearfully walked towards him, hoping he hadn't done anything to piss Deidara off like this. Once he was next to him, Deidara put him behind him, as though shielding him. "Find Iruka. Stay with him."

Naruto, not wanting to stay around Deidara when he was like this, ran.

Focusing back on Jiraiya, Deidara glared loathingly.

Jiraiya swallowed. _Perhaps it wasn't a total lost, the kid had send Naruto away for his own protection. _Surely that meant she wasn't completely under the demons control. Then the kid said something that caused Jiraiya to gape.

"When I get done wi**th** y**o**u, yo**u'l**l **w**i**s**h y**ou** w**e**r**e** b**ack in the care of those ladies, you sick perverted pedophile! UN!"**

Reviewing the last few minutes, Jiraiya paled. From his point of view he was just checking a seal, but from the kid's point of view, and if she only heard the last few sentences of the conversation…

As the furious kid rushed him, Jiraiya wished he had just stayed in bed.

* * *

Sarutobi had finished the meeting and was intending to go to the hospital to see his old student when a guard ran in.

"Sir!"

Sarutobi winced at the sound, knowing it meant trouble.

"Yes?"

"One of the Uzumaki brothers has gone berserk and has tapped into the demons chakra! He's attacking a patient at the hospital, screaming 'you child molestering freak! I'll kill you!' and 'I'll hang you from your testicles again you pedophilic bastard!'"

"WHAT? !"

* * *

When the hospital alarms went off, Iruka found himself in the shuffle of an evacuation.

Twenty minutes passed, and so far the ANBU had come and the hospital got re-evacuated in record time. Wounded and the ill were being taken out, and Iruka realized in horror that moving some of those patients would be hazardous for there health.

"Iruka! Iruka! Iruka!" Naruto cried as he ran out the building, the fear of seeing his brother as something out of a nightmare still fresh in his mind.

The chunin caught him, holding him tightly. "What's the matter Naruto?"

"I got mad at Nii-san and ran and…the pervert guy, he touched me and *_sniff_* Nii-san got mad and scary and and…" the hysteric boy tried to tell, but was too frightened by what he saw to say anything clearly.

Just then an overwhelming and all too familiar chakra was felt, a much more potent killing intent included. The sound of property damage was heard followed by these cries:

"It wasn't what it looked like!" said what sounded like a very terrified man.

"**I'M GONNA RIP YOUR GIZZARDS OUT, AND NAIL 'EM TO THE WALL, YOU PEDOPHILE!**" Deidara yelled, sounding demonic and pissed.

Iruka, having an incomplete version of what had brought this on, coupled with what Deidara had just roared and Naruto sobbing, hugged Naruto tighter. _Oh dear god, had Naruto been…?_

"There, there Naruto. Your brother is taking care of the bad man." Iruka comforted, hugging and patting Naruto's back. He hoped Deidara didn't kill the man, because he wanted to personally disembowel him.

Many winced at the sound of the hospital getting torn apart from the inside, the occasional girly screams that elicited from within, along with Deidara's death threats and promises of pain that permeated the air. Yakushi palmed his forehead, muttering about how karma was a bitch.

"Iruka, can you tell me what happened?" the Hokage, having arrived asked.

Before he could say anything the sound of a window shattering was heard, followed by a bloodied up man who was wheezing from pain.

"…Jiraiya? What did you do?" Sarutobi said, taking in his former student's haggard appearance.

"I swear it's a misunderstanding!" Jiraiya said before he paled. "DUCK!"

Just then the front entrance blew off, showering everyone in splinters. Hesitantly looking up, everyone was reacquainted with terror as the demonic looking boy stood before them, glaring at Jiraiya much like a mama bear looked when somebody stupid enough had harmed her baby.

Sarutobi just knew this 'misunderstanding' was going to be a pain to clear up.

* * *

It took several hours for the ANBU to restore order, and several more to coax the agitated Deidara out of his wraith like state; in the end several teams of ANBU had been called in, and even then it took nearly three hours and Naruto to calm him down enough to where he looked human.

Jiraiya looked worse for where, having played a deadly game of Tag for the past several hours with the blonde boy bent on turning his ribcage into a lawn ornament, and getting more then one close call. Sarutobi was just glad Jiraiya had drawn the boy to the forest area, and away from civilization.

Once lucid, Deidara levied some pretty heavy accusations against Jiraiya, and had demanded that the Sannin be handed over so he could extract his organs as compensation.

Naruto had been thoroughly interrogated about his meeting with Jiraiya, as was Deidara about the whole day.

When the Hokage told Deidara that it had all been a horrible misunderstanding, the boy had trouble believing him, and it took the better part of the day to convince Deidara that Jiraiya was a specialist Sarutobi called in.

That didn't stop the boy from glaring at the Sannin with a look that told of unmentionable horrors he would put him through if he so much as looked at Naruto in a funny way.

Then to make matters worse, Iruka had misconstrued what had happened and had beaten the already badly injured Jiraiya to a pulp once he found him. The white haired man was back in intensive care, getting intimate with Konoha's best proctologist's who were still trying to figure out how the ordinary chunin not only beat a legendary Sannin, but had managed to shove a pineapple up his rectum without breaking it.

Sarutobi wanted nothing more then the day to end.

Unfortunately for him, people were now demanding to know why they hadn't been informed over the 'true' identity of Kyuubi's host.

Thanks to Deidara little stunt, the civilians (who hadn't known the whole story of what happen during the last hospital debacle) were now convinced that Sarutobi had purposefully lied about Kyuubi's container, making everyone now believe that Naruto was not the Kyuubi's container, just a decoy, and terrified due to believing that Deidara was the real Kyuubi container.

Many of the civilians were guilt ridden upon hearing this 'truth', believing they had harmed an innocent child whose only crime was being the unfortunate relative and scapegoat of the real Demon container.

Many more however were now in hiding because they had harmed a innocent child who a very protective and very, very homicidal demon-possessed brother, who had leveled the northern part of the forest chasing after a suspected child molester, as well as a academy-in-training teacher who Ibiki was requesting to be placed on the I&T due to his 'inspirationally graphic and disturbingly radical forms of torture'.

The shinobi's from jounin up knew better, but that didn't stop the letters that were demanding to know why he kept Jiraiya alive when he had already 'attacked' two innocent children, and that they fully supported Demon-Deidara going evil on his arse.

But now damage had been done, once more to the hospital and thanks to Deidara's bloodthirsty antics, eight people died during the evacuation, one of with had been the badly hurt Eiji. Eiji's brother, Fukushu was in hysterics.

Sarutobi almost wished the terrorist would attack again; at least then he had a legitimate reason for hunting someone down and killing them.

Truth be told, this whole terrorist fiasco was taking an unseen toll on the village. Because he had shut down all but the necessity merchants, trade had stopped. Supplies were dwindling. They were using the trees around the inner walls of the village for repairs and everyone was waiting with battered breaths for the other shoe to drop.

Nerves were at an all time high, what with the terrorist in hiding, two demon chakra unleashing in the span of a month and the economy clawing on for dear life.

This had to stop, and soon. The village was barely holding on, and so was he.

* * *

After the incident, the patients were placed in a new building till the current hospital was fixed up.

Those that survived the rough evacuation, anyway.

Fukushu breathed harshly, eyes swirling red with grief. He had been on the team for finding the missing ANBU members during the check up on that old lab.

He barely recognized his brother, he was that mutilated. His nose was chewed partly off, his jaw nothing more then maw of gnawed on grizzly flesh. His right ear had been ripped off and his left eye was gone, leaving nothing but a gapping whole in its place.

Eiji was only lucid for a few moments, mumbling nearly incoherently to him. What he said startled him.

"Da 'oman iz a demon! 'e 'antz me deed! da Uza-uzavoki ar-" that was all he could get before it drowned out into incoherent noises.

He couldn't make it all out, but he did make out 'demon' and 'Uzumaki'. What in the world? He knew the Hokage hired Eiji to train the elder Uzumaki, but surely the boy hadn't done that!

Yet why did his brother say that? Was Eiji trying to tell him who had done this? But now thanks to that damned Uzumaki, Eiji was dead, died during the moving.

He didn't notice the doctor who had walked in.

"I'm sorry sir. This shouldn't have happened." Came a soft, sad voice. Fukushu looked over his shoulder at a teary eyed white haired doctor with a scar running down her face. Haruno, wasn't it? Her husband had died not too long ago.

"Hn." Fukushu grunted looking back at his brother.

"It shouldn't have happen. If that Uzumaki child hadn't rampaged through, nobody would have died." She choked, sounding heartbreaking. Fukushu looked at hysterical woman's face, tears cascading down her anguish face.

"It's like that child had no soul. He doesn't even seem fazed by the death he caused! Eiji-san…Eiji-san kept mumbling over and over about 'monster Uzumaki' before he-he…"

Fukushu was startled by the hug the emotional woman gave him, his face buried in her shirt, blocking all view. She didn't seem to notice their rather intimate embrace, she was crying too hard.

"I'm so sorry. I-I shouldn't say such things. He is only a child. But-but I can't get the image of my husband out of my heads. They said he died ensuring the demon stayed locked up…yet this still happened. How do we know he really is a child? He had let his brother take all the blame growing up and now…*sniff* I'm sorry, Uchiha-san." She mumbled as she let go, wiping tears away.

"These last few months have been harrowing. I-I shouldn't have done that. I'll be going."

Fukushu looked back at his brother, mulling over what the clearly distraught woman said. He had heard from the Uchiha head that her husband had died to strengthen the seal of the Kyuubi brat.

Yet he still went on a rampage…immediately after his brother had been admitted, rambling about Uzumaki and the demon and calling him a monster.

That couldn't be coincidence, could it?

He looked down, exhausted. As he did though, he saw his brother's half covered hand clutching something tattered. Pulling it free he saw that it was a note in his brother's handwriting.

He never saw the momentarily sadistic grin that flashed across the white haired lady's face as she left for her rounds.

* * *

Yukika felt giddy. She loved it when she caused conflict; it gave her such a rush! By now, Uchiha Fukushu would be looking into the note, and would seek revenge. She had to be careful, and timing this was challenging, not to mention that she was playing a deadly game that could easily backfire should she forget even the tiniest detail. But in the end, she would succeed and all her current issues would be gone in a week.

Truth be told, Yukika was beyond livid at Deidara. The boy was incapable of having a normal, low-profile day. He caused political and financial issues regularly, as well as panicking the masses. Sure, fear once in a while was good, but he was drowning Konoha in paranoia and terror!

Add to the fact the little menace had undid all her hard work in getting that Toad Sage back on his feet, as well as getting her into trouble with Danzo for her lack of control over the situation, it was amazing that she hadn't murdered the turd yet!

But the most unforgivable thing he had done was cause her daughter's current behavior. In the past, Sakura clung to her, adoring and in need of her mother's love and attention, never once disobeying her or acted like those other children that would whine and complain like the ungrateful little snots they were.

Now though, Sakura acted unruly, and was doing things that upsetted Yukika, like experimenting with the chemicals in her cleaning closest, or escaping in the dead of night to visit her friends in the hospital.

Yukika nearly had a breakdown when she had walked into her daughter's room, only to find it empty, sans a note.

And worse, Sakura did it because Deidara said it was perfectly natural for her to want to seek out her friends after a fight like the one that took place at the Aburame compound to make sure they were safe, stating that leaving so late in the night was justifiable under those circumstances!

Deidara may have been useful in the beginning, but now he was too much trouble. In a week, he would be taken care of, either by the Uchiha or when he went down to the lab.

And then everything would go back to normal for her and Sakura…

* * *

Danzo stared at the report, face grim as ever. The boy had not only attacked a recovering shinobi, but caused the deaths of eight others as well. On top of that, he had damaged the hospital, causing much discord for the doctors and patients.

Looking at the silver haired subordinate he spoke, "You have one week. Make it look like an accident."

The teen disappeared in a cloud, carrying Deidara's death warrant.

* * *

This has been unedited, seeing how my Beta and I are having computer issues. Next chapter WILL be a new one, so thank you all for your patience!

PD


	32. Misconception

Title: My Wish-order Brother

Author: PiperDreamer

_Slant _means thought

_Slant_ and Underline mean either dreaming or memories

Disclaimer: By no way, form or legal right do I own Naruto.

Warning! Rated M.

Unedited

* * *

Naruto, after seeing a child get defended by his older brother, makes a wish on a wishing star for an older brother too. What he got was a girly looking art freak with mouths on his hands.

* * *

Chapter thirty-two: Misconception

* * *

Iruka was in hell.

Living with the little nightmare known as Uzumaki Deidara had caused the seventeen year old to turn prematurely gray in some parts of his hair, and develop paranoia worthy of even those crazies in the Konoha Asylum for Posttraumatic Shinobi!

Aside from having to navigate in a house that was brimming with traps, he had to monitor what went into his food since Deidara had taught a brief class on various poisons. This had caused the kids to put laxatives and a sedate in his food, resulting in an embarrassing mess. Deidara's teaching usually ended now with him either hunting the kids down or being on the receiving end of those lessons since the children believed Deidara when he said that a Chunin like him could handle whatever they dished out.

He also had to watch his movements carefully because any sudden movements around Deidara caused the boy to use him for target practice, and if Deidara started throwing things at him the kids were sure to follow. So he started devising a taijutsu style all on his own depending on evasive maneuvers and nearly impossible escapes. This made it harder on himself when Deidara told the kids that it was a lesson and that the first to cause Iruka to bleed would get a special jutsu.

So far none of the children had succeeded in drawing blood, but that just meant they would be trying sneakier attacks.

If that wasn't bad enough, Deidara had these bouts of madness where he started randomly making explosions out of household appliances and testing them outside Iruka's window. Absolutely nothing grew outside of his window now, and it reeked of chemicals and burnt wood.

And now here he was, six days after the second hospital evacuation in a quarantined level of the hospital surrounded by ANBU and Naruto. Deidara was detained to one room, with only the doctor called Yakushi, The Hokage, Naruto and himself allowed to visit him.

Surprisingly Deidara was a lot less extreme then usual, in an almost lucid manner. The last couple of months Iruka had watched Deidara seemingly start to spiral into madness with no signs of stopping. Now he would almost call him cogent.

Unfortunately Deidara was moping something fierce. The reason? Naruto was too scared to go near him.

It was understandable; if he had a loved one who suddenly seemed to sprout fangs and claws with an aura of death and destruction coating them, he'd be scared too.

Deidara though was acting like his world would end if Naruto continued to stay away from him, curled up into the fetal position with a cloud of gloom seeming to hover over him.

Iruka would have been amused, had the circumstances been more favorable. He himself was under lockdown partly because Naruto needed him there, but mostly due to the fact he used an _ananas comosus_ as a blocking mechanism for the Sannin's rectal cavity.

Iruka wondered if insanity was contagious. It had to be, since under normal circumstances he would have never attacked a Sannin. But then again, Deidara had extraordinary talent to turn model citizens into murderous lunatics.

The only reason he wasn't entertaining the T&I was because the Hokage vouched for him, saying that he was Naruto's protector and was to deal out any punishment Iruka thought necessary.

Still didn't make it any less annoying having the ANBU question him while he was in lockdown. Perhaps question wasn't the right word. More like they were trying to figure out which division he belonged to.

Apparently the skills his parents had passed down to him were old ANBU techniques, and since the Hokage backed him the ANBU members were convinced he was one of them.

Thanks to living with Deidara (who thought it was hilarious to instruct the kids to think in terms of loopholes; that made making rules for them to follow difficult since they looked for ways to work around said rules) Iruka could answer many of their questions without giving much away.

Now if only he could do that with Naruto…

Speaking of which, Naruto had yet to return from the bathroom. This meant he was either causing trouble or was hiding from Deidara.

Sighing, Iruka got up to find his errant ward.

* * *

Jiraiya groaned, mercifully incapable of feeling anything from the waist down, and being far too blissfully drugged up for everything else.

Sarutobi-sensei had every available medic on him, getting him back up to speed so he could fix Naruto and his godson's adopted devil-spawn sis-_ahem_-brother. Today's operation should hopefully be the last one.

Usually when he was lucid, Jiraiya wrote on his journal about potential ideas for his story, but since the disappearance of his belongings and his most recent injuries, Jiraiya was writing various seal diagrams furiously. Normally people with the amount of drugs flowing through him would be too baked to even find their feet, but after a childhood of getting the crap beaten out of him and used for experiments by his teammates, Jiraiya could not only take beatings that would kill normal people but also possessed a high immunity to most drugs effects.

It was a mixed blessing, because though he couldn't feel most of his body he was still coherent enough to draw up complicated seal arrays. This was good; he could decide which of these seals would be best suit Naruto and which one would best muzzle that little bi-girly _boy_ Deidara.

The girl- correction, _boy_- Deidara was a little terror and a homicidally protective one at that. At least the kid just wanted to disembowel and kill him, Naruto's caretaker on the other hand…

The Sannin couldn't repress a shiver at the thought of the alleged chunin. The teen was ruthless, and possessed a psychotically unique mindset in the arts of torture. He didn't know how the teen got a pineapple up his anus without breaking it, nor did he want to know. Umino was obviously an undercover ANBU from T&I.

Either way, if he ever got on the kids bad side again, he was taking the cyanide pill he carried around for emergencies. It would be quicker.

That said, once Jiraiya was out of this village he was going to look up his contact in Kiri, and find out if they had recently 'lost' one of their tracker-nins in the last five years. The kid had to be Kiri trained; he recognized some of those techniques the ANBU-in-Chunin clothes had used. Sarutobi-sensei may have complete faith in the teen's loyalty, but Jiraiya was going to make sure. Umino sounded like a Kiri name and he would be damned if he allowed a spy that close to his godson.

* * *

Sarutobi sighed, looking every year his age, plus ten.

The last few days had been a nightmare; calming hysteric masses, preventing riots and Konoha's people from fleeing, all awhile trying to keep the economy from collapsing.

He would never voice it, but he was grateful Danzo had the foresight to keep secret trades and underground reserves in the event that the villages trade was suddenly cut off. Thank all that was holy for paranoid extremists.

Deidara was in lockdown, Naruto and Iruka being his only company outside of the doctors. He uses the word 'company' because that was the only kind word he could think of.

Naruto was terrified of Deidara, and rightfully so. After witnessing what the older blonde had done, the poor whiskered child didn't go near Deidara, not without Iruka close at hand. This in return caused Deidara to become miserable and distressed, seeing his precious brother so frighten of him.

Despite his fear, Naruto had still shown signs of caring. He had already attacked a nurse with a pillow because he thought she had tried to poison Deidara when in reality she had been sent to give him his medicine. He couldn't fault Naruto; there had been two attempts on Deidara's life so far since he quarantined them.

And if that wasn't enough, Iruka had become something of a legend among his ANBU. The Chunin had single-handedly defeated a Sannin, in the most graphically painful and humiliating way possible. The scary thing was is that the harm he caused was so flawlessly executed with so little evidence of who did it, that his men wouldn't have known who had done it had Iruka not been standing next to the human pretzel that was his former student, a eerie look on the teen's face as he reported what he had done in a quite friendly manner.

This lead to the erroneous conclusion that Umino Iruka was really an undercover ANBU placed by the Third to act as the Uzumaki Brothers guardian and protector.

Many of his elite were taking bets on which section of the _Special Assassination and Tactical Squad_ Iruka was trained by, the most prominent belief being that he was one of the agents that had infiltrated Kiri to learn the Undertaker Squad secrets, or was taught by one of them.

He only had four ANBU captains and all of them were requesting Iruka to be placed on their team once he "was finished with his current assignment", as was the head of his T&I.

Sarutobi didn't bother to correct them yet, seeing how this added a layer of protection around Naruto. That and he was not about to explain that Iruka's mother had really one of the under cover ANBU he sent to infiltrate Kiri, and had managed to get one of their own to defect to their side. This defector would later become her husband, and the man who sired Iruka. Which meant that, in a sense, Iruka was trained by ANBU.

Sighing, he took a deep breath, looking out his window.

His village was on the verge of ruins, an illusive terrorist running amok and now he had to deal with a pseudo-jinchuriki with who had an unhealthy attachment to the real jinchuriki and a rapidly eroding mind.

Looking back at his desk, Sarutobi searched for a certain paper.

Deidara was a growing threat. A threat he was hesitant to snuff out, not because he had grown fond of the boy, but because of what Naruto would do should his precious brother were to suddenly drop dead.

As traumatized as Naruto was of Deidara antics, the smaller boy still loved Deidara, and had already shown he was willing to do just about anything to protect the crazy blonde. A sentiment Deidara returned ten folds.

He had one means to protect Deidara, but was loathed to do so. Unfortunately he was running out of time and Deidara, as talented as he was, was becoming a danger to everyone around him.

Deidara needed training, and he needed to be controlled. Otherwise, he needed to be exterminated.

And the only way he could control the boy was by using Naruto as a leash.

And he knew just the person who would have no qualm to use the boy's own weakness against him.

It wasn't a very ethical path, but he didn't stay Hokage for so long by upholding his morals. Sometimes you had to become the very monster you fought in order to meet the greater needs of your village.

And he needed his village back in order and if the price to pay was to turn Deidara into a jinchuriki-like weapon, then so be it. At least the boy would live and still see Naruto.

Filling out the paper, he ordered his secretary to bring Shimura Danzo immediately.

It may not be the one he wanted, but at least Danzo would be getting his weapon.

* * *

He was not hiding. Nii-san just needed a lot of rest, so he shouldn't bother him.

Thus to ensure Nii-san had plenty of rest, Naruto had moved to the next floor of the hospital. These two floors were quarantined, and he had been told he wasn't allowed out till the Old Man said so.

He wasn't scared, he wsas just giving his brother breathing. That was all. He wasn't scared-

"Naruto?"

The boy shrieked, head whipping to the side. Next to him was Dog-san, an ANBU he saw on occasion.

"D-don't sneak up on me! I coulda been doing super-cool awesome ninja stuff! Yeah!" the boy tried to sound annoyed, but couldn't disguise the relief he felt.

"You okay?" the ANBU asked, crouching next to him.

"Me? I'm fine. Really. Why, should I not be okay?" Naruto babbled, twisting the birthday pendant between his fingers.

"…do you want to talk about it, or continue to lie to yourself?"

The boy was about to yell that he wasn't lying, but then the image of Demon-Deidara flashed through his mind, making him flinch. With a small nod, Dog-san sat next to him.

They sat in silence for a few moments, Naruto trying to make sense of his thoughts. Deciding to just be blunt.

"Deidara turned into a demon."

Dog-san sighed, rubbing his armguard. "He didn't turn into a demon…well, not a real demon but I can see why you'd think that."

"But he looked evil! He was glowing and he felt like-like, heck I don't even know but it was scary!" Naruto said loudly, voice wavering. "B-but he's still my Brother! I want to keep him safe, but how can I when is a monster?!"

The two fell into silence. After what felt like hours to the small boy he whispered, "Dog-san, why would he transform like that? Why did he look so scary? What did the white haired pervert _do_ that caused Nii-san to change? Why did he change?"

"Naruto, I can't talk about th-"

"He turned into-into _THAT THING_! He would've killed that white haired guy!_ What happened to my Brother?!_" Naruto yelled, a note of hysteria becoming evident in his voice.

Dog sighed, sitting next to the blonde. "I think your…Brother…reacted poorly, but I can't fault his intentions. Deidara was afraid that Jiraiya-sama would hurt you, and frankly I don't know anyone who wouldn't outright attack Jiraiya-sama for many things."

"But pervert only was looking at my belly button, yeah!"

"Yes," Dog said, raising his hand to stop Naruto from talking, "But it looked like something else to Deidara."

"Like what?"

Dog looked vaguely uncomfortable. "Think of it like this; you and Deidara are out eating Ichiraku's. You order up, both of you getting pork ramen. Your food comes and it's cooled enough that you can eat it right away. Then Deidara's ramen comes up while he is talking to somebody. Now when it was served you realize that it has a condiment that Deidara is deathly allergic to, but because he is too deep into his conversation he doesn't notices it and is about to take a bite. Do you just sit there and say nothing, or stop him?"

"I'd stop him before he gets hurt." Naruto answered, truthfully. Then he scrounged up his nose.

"But what does that havta do with the pervy guy?"

"Just like you would save Deidara from the condiment, Deidara was saving you from a predator, or at least he thought it was a predator. He wanted to protect you and got carried away."

"Heturned into that…to save me?" Naruto whispered, looking horrified.

The ANBU nodded, and Naruto didn't know why but he got the feeling that Dog-san was smilling. "When love ones are at stake, people find that there is no distance, enemy or risk too great for them to take if it means saving and protecting their loved ones."

_Nii-san…turned into a scary creature…to protect me._ Naruto looked at his hands, feeling ashamed. Here he was, hiding away like a baby from the Brother who loved him enough to turn into a monster just to keep him safe. His vision blurred, and Naruto quickly wiped them away.

He was a bad person.

"Naruto!"

At this both ANBU and child looked up to see Iruka running towards them, worry and relief evident on his face. "Don't disappear like that! You had me worried when your potty break took more then ten minutes!"

"Sorry…" Naruto mumbled, looking down.

"Ah, Umino Iruka. The 'Chunin'. Sorry about that, Naruto just needed fresh air."

Iruka rolled his eyes, before holding out his hand. Naruto grabbed it, pulling himself up. Holding the Chunin's hand a little longer, Naruto asked in a quiet voice that Iruka strained to hear,

"Can we see Deidara? Yeah?"

Iruka eyebrows shot up, looking surprised that Naruto wanted to talked to the one he had been avoiding for six days now. a smile crept onto Iruka's face.

"Sure thing."

* * *

"Ka…Hi…Ku…Me-no, Re…"

Itachi took by the door, watching as Sasuke went through the eye chart. After he and Sasuke left the hospital, Itachi asked a favor from the clan doctor, Uchiha Seiki. It was a private matter, and Seiki was more then happy to keep it between himself and the boys. It wasn't everyday the clan heir was willing to owe someone…that and Seiki wasn't stupid enough to report this to the clan leader, not when Sasuke was willing and able to blackmail him to kingdom come.

Judging by the look on the doctor's face though, Itachi was getting the impression that Sasuke's eyes were worse then they thought.

"That's enough Sasuke-chan. Now if you'll come here so I can examine your inner workings better, that would be great."

Sasuke trotted over to Seiki, sitting down in a chair. The doctor leaned forward, gently touching the boys temples. Seiki's eyes unfocused as he 'looked' into the problem, prodding the retina's and nerves with his charka. After several minutes, Seiki removed his hands and picked up a board, writing meticulously upon it.

"Well?" Itachi said, getting right to the point. If this affected Sasuke eyes too badly…

Seiki smiled, rubbing the back of his neck. "Well he doesn't have perfect vision, but not bad enough that he'll need glasses right away. I'd say he won't need glasses for at least three more years, if the deterioration keeps at its current rate."

Sasuke's eyes widened comically. "My eyes are becoming worse?!"

Seiki smiled at Sasuke, raising his hand to calm the boy. "It's nothing serious. At the moment your eyesight is fine, and will only slowly get worse and probably only slightly noticeable as you get older. Had you been born outside of this clan, you would have had perfectly fine eyes, with the worse you'll have to deal with are reading glasses, or possibly shortsightedness when you get much older."

Sasuke exhaled, looking relieved.

Itachi though caught Seiki's veiled warning.

"Sasuke, why don't you wait outside while I make your follow up appointment?"

"Sure thing, Aniki!"

Once the door was closed, Itachi turned to Seiki, who now looked pensive.

"'Had you been born outside of this clan'?" Itachi reiterated, folding his arms.

Seiki sighed, leaning into his chair. "If he had been born outside of this-or any dojutsu- clan, he would only have to worry about going shortsighted by the time he's thirty. Being how he comes from a dojutsu clan though, the activation of his Sharingan might quicken the deterioration. If that happens, he'll need more then reading glasses."

"Why didn't you say that?"

Seiki looked sheepish. "A lot of us are hoping he never develops the Sharingan, Itachi-sama."

Itachi blinked in surprise at that. Uchiha who couldn't activate their Sharingan were often belittled and looked down upon in the clan. True enough, most dojutsu clans would never pray for such a thing upon their fellow clansmen.

"Why would anyone in this clan wish that upon one of our own?"

"It's not that we wish such things upon one of our own, but really we wish it upon _Sasuke_." At seeing the blank look, Seiki sighed.

"I don't think you know, Itachi-sama, but ever since this terrorist attack started Sasuke's become a terrorist of our own. In the last few months, Sasuke's name has become synonym for chaos, dread as well as humiliation. The only reason the elders and other clan men haven't struck back at him is because Mikoto would flay them alive…with her mind."

Itachi took a deep breath before talking. "That bad?"

"Let's just say that the clan is becoming convinced that whatever possesses your Mother –and yes the clan is certain she is possessed– has gone and sunk its hooks into Sasuke. I'm inclined to agree with them, which is why I agreed to your terms before Sasuke could talk. The boy has not blackmailed me before, and I don't intend to give him a reason to do so either."

* * *

The trip back home was a quiet affair, both brother's lost in their own thoughts.

Sasuke knew Seiki had withheld information. Seiki had kept rubbing the back of his head, a tall-tale sign of the doctor's nervousness. The only reason he didn't extract the info from the man was because he was most likely telling Itachi what it was.

Sasuke worried for his brother. Itachi got demoted because his duties stressed him to the point he forgot to hold back when sparring with Danna.

He wanted Itachi to take it easy, to relax as best as he could. To do that, Sasuke resolved to stay out of his way.

"Do you want me to show you a technique, Sasuke?" Itachi asked.

Sasuke knew Itachi didn't like training with him, and was probably only asking out of habit. Sasuke didn't want to bother Itachi, whose medical leave had started days ago and had he had yet to really relax.

"Nay, maybe later. I got pictures to develop." Sasuke said with a smile, completely missing the pained expression Itachi bore.

Rushing to his room, Sasuke made sure to lock his door before dumping his bag onto the bed. Taking off his coat, he opened his closet to hang it, careful not to disturb his Tenten Shrine that he had made and hidden inside.

He was very proud of this Shrine; it was a cardboard box with glued sparkly beads on the side, a dozen or so pictures he took of his girlfriend, a unlit candle to the side (so it wouldn't catch the rest on fire), a rusty kunai she had touched, the first bandage she applied on him, and in the center of it all, a poorly crafted straw doll that bore a passing resemblance of his beloved Tenten.

After he and Tenten got together he told her about it, detailing it as best as he could. At first he thought he had creeped her out for having a Shrine of her, because her eyes got wide and she looked gob smacked. Then after several minutes Tenten blushed at this, stating she thought it was very sweet.

Everyone else who heard about it gave him a weird look.

Humming, Sasuke closed the closest door and was going to read more of the _Book of Nabiki_ when he heard the familiar sound of his Mother sing-song voice, "Why Yashiro-san! It is so good to see you! Please, come in!"

Sasuke heard a started yelp and a somewhat panicked voice, "Well, actually-"

"**Please. Come in**." this tone was no longer human sounding, yet scarily enough somehow remained happy sounding.

"O-of course."

His mother's voice returned to normal. "Now please tell me everything that is going on at the Station. Fugaku is so sparse about everything."

Sasuke decided to leave then, grabbing has bag and heading for the window. Sure he was probably wasting a perfectly good opportunity to eavesdrop and get sensitive information but with his Mother acting as the interrogator, he decided to make a run for it before she got wind of her youngest son's 'hobby'.

* * *

Yukika pouted at Yakushi, annoyed. "But i-it's my day off."

"I know, Haruno-san." Yakushi said, looking like he would rather not have to ask. "But the Hokage ordered all available medics on this case immediately."

Yukika sighed. She really wanted to spend the day with Sakura, to help her wayward daughter from those disruptive impulsive that little turd Deidara had planted. But Jiraiya needed to be up and operational to get Naruto's seal back in order.

"We just need to finish this operation. Should everything go fine, it'll be the last one."

"But I-I don't have anyone to watch her." Yukika said, hugging Sakura near her.

Yakushi grimaced in understanding before he perked up. "I have a son, Haruno-san. His team isn't doing anything today, so he came here to help but he's not that experienced yet. He can watch over her until this operation is over."

Yukika hesitated, before nodding. Yakushi smiled with relief before excusing himself to get his son.

It was a practical thing to do. Yakushi may have been a strict and cold professional but he was also a loyal and honest man. She had been working with him for almost three years now, and he proved to be reliable. And she had met his son, who was a very responsible young Genin.

_**It'll only be for the day. Yakushi is a sensible man, and his son is dependable enough to keep Sakura safe and not try to corrupt her.**_ The voice in Yukika's head hissed.

_It'll have to do,_ Yukika agreed, begrudgingly. _Deidara is locked up and all those other children are being kept close to their families. _Kneeling down to Sakura, the scar-faced woman smiled apologetically.

"I know I promised to spend the day with you, but this operation is very important. I need you to stay with Yakushi-san's son for awhile, okay?"

"Can't I stay with Deidara-nii and Naruto-kun?" Sakura asked, doe-like verdant eyes looking into her mother's.

"I'm afraid they are…unavailable." Yukika stated, giving Sakura a sad look. _**And as soon as this week is over, they'll remain 'unavailable'.**_

"I don't know Yakushi-san or his son."

"But I do. Don't you trust your Mother?" Yukika asked, stroking Sakura's hair with a hurt look on her face.

"Of course I do!" Sakura exclaimed.

The hurt look disappeared, Yukika smiling gently at the guileless child before her. "Then trust me when I say you'll be fine. Kabuto-kun is a nice boy."

* * *

Sasuke was heading towards the hospital, having heard that Naruto would be allowed out soon, though Danna was apparently still grounded for some reason.

"Afternoon, Sasuke." A monotoned voice came. Sasuke instinctively went for his kunai, but relaxed when he spotted his fellow classmate

"Oh, hey Shino! Whatcha doin' out here?" Sasuke around a mouth full of tomato.

"I was bored." Came the clip answer. Sasuke gave his companion a blank look.

"We got a loony running rampage, and crazies busting up the hospital and you left the safety of your compound out of boredom?" Sasuke said seriously.

"And you didn't? Or are you avoiding responsibility again?" Shino responded, eyebrow raised a fraction.

A serious and arrogant look crossed the raven haired boys face before he straightened up. "As a member of the prestigious and superior Uchiha clan and son of the Chief of Police, it is my honor bound duty to patrol these streets."

Sasuke continued to look serious for a full minute before bursting out laughing. "Can't believe I managed to say that with a straight face! You got me; I'm bored and hiding from my Kaa-san since she is on one of her scary modes again. Wanna go see Danna and Naruto?" Sasuke chirped, heading for the silent boy.

The Aburame shrugged before turning towards the direction towards the hospital.

* * *

The silverette was approaching a state of mind that could compromise his mission.

He was getting vexed. He had already tried three times in the past three days to kill Deidara yet the Uzumaki's luck held true. First he infiltrated the quarantined section and had nearly succeed in overdosing the blonde but at the last minute Deidara yanked out his VI drop, stating to the doctor he was sick of being hooked up. Then the ROOT member used genjutsu on the nurse to give him a shot with air embolism, only for the woman to get attacked by the younger Uzumaki.

His third attempt was also aborted when he saw the Hokage arrive to have a talk with the older blonde.

Yes, he was becoming increasingly irritated by this. He only had one more day to make it look like an accident. Failing that, he had to kill the boy and run.

Going through his mental lists of possibilities, the ROOT agent noticed a team of three that were scaling the wall to Deidara's room. Another assassination attempt?

The silverette smiled. Perhaps he'd let them try their hand at killing Uzumaki. After all, who said the blonde would survive the crossfire? Especially if a stray kunai were to somehow end up in his back. Yes, most tragic.

The ROOT agent followed at a distance, hoping this group was at least skilled enough for him to ensure the blonde did die in the crossfire.

* * *

I'm sorry, so sorry for the wait. Life has been interesting, to put it nicely and writer block was prevalent. Hope you enjoy the new chapter, despite it being short. I had intended this to be much longer, but then I realized that it has been far too long since I have updated. I intended to finish this story, and I will. Please be patient with me, because the updates will be slow (though I have no intention of it getting _**this**_ long again).

Personal thanks to all who have stood by me during this time, and everyone who has reviewed. You are the reason this story is not dead.

Enjoy the chapter,

PD


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